Podcast 73: Costly Dating App Mistakes Keeping You from Love

You don’t need to delete the apps—you need a strategy. 

Dating app purgatory. You know the feeling.
Endless messages. Constant profile tweaks. Flat conversations that go nowhere — when all you want is a godly man who initiates, engages, and actually follows through.

Here’s what no one tells you:
 90% of Michelle’s clients meet their husbands online.
They just stop doing what doesn’t work — and start using the apps like a secret weapon.

You don’t need to delete the apps—you need a strategy. 

In this episode, Michelle breaks down the six hidden reasons high achieving, godly women get stuck on dating apps (and none of them are about being “not enough”). If you’re ready to go from stalled-out texting to real pursuit and commitment, you’ll want to hear this.

💙 Apply for coaching at thechristiandatingcoach.com/apply
 Let’s get you married, sis.

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)

Hey, hey sis, you're stuck in dating app purgatory. And I don't even have to explain what that means. The phrase alone says it all. Endless messages, profile tweaks, low effort men, flat conversations that fizzle and no real momentum. When all you truly desire is to meet

A guy that has depth and interesting hobbies and can carry a conversation. Someone who initiates and pursues you while showing that he's a real man of God. It seems like it's impossible, but here's what no one tells you. 90 % of my clients meet their amazing husbands online. After...

I show them how to escape dating app purgatory and turn the apps into a secret weapon for finding and attracting godly high quality love. Now I know what some of you are already thinking. Michelle, I'm not invisible on the apps. I do get attention, but it's the wrong attention. It's sexual or boring or pen palish.

Most definitely, it's just not from the right kind of men. And sis, I get that, but here's the thing. Your energy, your profile, your photos, they're not speaking to the high caliber man you want to attract. They're unintentionally pulling in, drawing in men who don't align.

with your values and your purpose. You're not the problem, but the way you're showing up, it's not resonating with the kind of man who's serious about love and led by the Lord. So even if he sees your profile, he's scrolling past. Not because you're not amazing, but because nothing told him you're his person.

That's why strategy matters. We can fix that. And today I'm going to unlock for you the exact reasons you're stuck in dating app purgatory so that you can escape and find the love story God has always meant for you. Let's go. Reason number one, your profile isn't unique.

And I'm not talking about different from everyone else's. I'm talking unique in just the purest sense of the word. Your profile is generic, cutesy, fortune cookie clever. It's not even really showing the real you. I can tell you're trying to be witty, but there's honestly just no real spark. And it sounds a little bit hallmark card.

So when I say unique, mean standing out from everyone else, but not in a, I'm doing this to stand out way. My old dating coach used to describe it as unique pairings. That there's a show of a little bit of a sexy side, but also a spiritual side. That there's a little bit of quirkiness.

but also a depth. Like there needs to be a balance. You need to show that you have different sides to you and that the different sides are worth getting to know. It can't be just, love walks in the park. Like that doesn't mean anything. What I love to do is offer challenges and little hints of who I am. So I might ask a question and then say,

choose wisely, Padawan. And instantly the guy is like, whoa, she just hit me hard. Instead of saying, I love Star Wars, you're showing this little wink, a little, if you know, you know. In my profile, when I was dating, I tucked in the phrase, gentle, quiet, help me. And that is the kind of wink the right guy will know. And that is what draws men in. That

blend of sass and depth and story. That is what makes a guy take a second look. So your profile needs to be unique. Reason number two, while you're in dating app purgatory, your profile doesn't tell a story. This is what most profiles have. Not only do they have fortune cookie

unforgettable quotes. They have lists. I love reading and playing the piano and going to church. Like just a random list. Snore. That is so boring. What we want to do is tell sticky stories. We want the words that we're using to create an experience for the guy. You know, when you're reading a book, when you're reading a book and you can like see it like it's vivid.

You can put yourself in the French Revolution or you can put yourself in a British coffee shop or you can put yourself in a Christmas celebration. Like you can smell it, you can taste it, you can feel it like smells, taste, textures, a cozy blanket by the fire. And you're describing cuddled up by the fire.

reading a book as opposed to saying I like to read. Instead of telling a guy that you like cooking, do what I did. I talked about my Jamaican rum cake that I make at Christmas. I talked about the bourbon brownies that I took to the office that got my coworkers tipsy. I talked about

the colorful sundresses and sexy cowboy boots that made me a mystery at work. Like, you see how that instantly is just so compelling, so colorful and vivid. Those are little micro stories that make a guy say, ooh, tell me more. Tell me more. So your profile, it needs to tell a story when you're talking about yourself. You don't want it to be fortune cookie and you don't want it to be a series of lists.

other thing that you might have noticed in this description of being unique and telling stories. You might have noticed that I slipped in words there like mystery and sexy and that is flirt pure my friends because you want your profile to have flirt pure in there.

Let me jump to the third reason you're in dating app purgatory. You're not speaking to him with clarity and confidence. This is what I mean by that. Talk to him with respect language. Make him feel when he reads your profile like you are a woman that respects him. So many women don't even say what they want at all in their profile.

They don't even say what they're looking for. And if they do, they say it like that. I'm looking for, which kind of sounds like a classified ad in the newspaper. So take that language out, replace it with you are. You're talking directly to him, not in a desperate way, but in a confident, high value, self-assured way that is looking at him as a confident, self-assured, high value man. And you're describing his identity, not

submitting a request. So you say if you're reading this and feeling compelled to write to me, it's probably because you're a man who has chosen to take the hard road instead of the easy road. You obey God even when it's difficult and people respect you because of your integrity as well as your kindness.

You drop that in a dating profile and a man's like ding ding ding. He is feeling the respect language and he hasn't even met you yet. That's magnetic to a masculine man. It feels he wants to feel that you are calling him to something higher and that you are affirming his place in your life. That is what makes him pursue you. Reason number four.

that you are in dating app purgatory, you're letting the prompts lead you. So here's my simple guidance. Stop answering their questions first. Do not look at the prompts and say, what should I say? Don't do that. Follow what I've described here. Write your story. Call your man hire. Tell him who he is.

The man that you want to be with, describe him, talk to him, tell him what you respect about him. So write your profile first, look at the prompts and see which of these prompts work for my profile. Don't do it the other way around because the prompts will just prompt you to write more hallmark card messages. You tell the story the way you want to tell it. Be you, be flirt pure, be high value, be compelling.

be magnetic, tell your story, then go back and select a prompt that matches what you already know you want to say. Reason number five, why you're dating app purgatory. Here's the hard truth, your pictures are not helping you. I love you, but they're just not doing you justice. They're not capturing your beauty or your warmth or your energy and they're not telling a story. They're literally saying, here's me with a bunch of other people that you don't know.

Here's me looking vaguely annoyed at a wedding. Here's me at holding my dog. And that would be fine. But the unfortunate thing is that most of the photos in our camera roll aren't even showing us at our best. Most of the photos in our camera roll are snapped at a fun moment in time.

And when we're looking for the love of our life, when we're looking for our life partner, the person that we want to build a legacy with and live until the day we die, we just grab stuff from our camera roll without any thought or any effort. Well, I'm sorry, but it shows. My clients get a full makeover, a professional photo shoot, a completely rewritten profile. Why? Because they're ready. Because they're done tinkering around.

because they want to tell a story that captivates a man after God's own heart who is high caliber, high value and highly motivated to get married. That's what this deserves. It deserves a full makeover and some high quality photos. Not just photos that you grab from your camera roll that you took a year ago while you were at your work picnic. I want you to imagine

the small investment that this is. Like, let's say you invest $10,000 in coaching to become the woman who finds her forever husband, and you go on to build a marriage. Most high caliber marriages that I shepherd, that couple will be making multiple millions over the course of their marriage. That is why I say marriage is your most wealth building decision you will make.

And then the $10,000 investment looks like nothing. A beautiful family legacy partnership. Would it be worth it? Of course it would. Here's the last thing. The reason why you are in dating app purgatory. Reason number six. Your messages are vanilla. Hi, how are you? I really liked your profile. So what do you do for work?

What do you like to do on your time? so boring, so boring, so low effort. It gives nothing to engage with. That's why I say like the whole experience, it needs to be flirt pure. It needs to have a flirty depth to it. Show your intellectual side, show your sexy side, show your kind side, show your witty side. It needs to be captivating and magnetic and confident.

and not vague, right? Because the truth of the matter is the messages that you send should help someone fall in love with you. And too often we only put in the effort or only turn on if a guy leads the way. Like if we're feeling validation from him, if we're feeling interest from him.

then we'll turn on. But really we just want him to ask us on a date because we don't really want to be on the apps. We don't really want to be messaging back before us. So we kind of have this irritated energy from the get go. Sis, that's not captivating. That's not magnetic. I teach my clients how to be a siren all the time, regardless of what they put out. They don't need a man to turn on their siren energy. They live in it.

One of my most loved clients made this powerful observation as we were going through coaching. She said, I feel like this is just what I'm missing in romantic interactions. It's made me feel like I have a roadmap for how to show my value while being myself.

Brain explosion. That's exactly what coaching does You don't need to perform. You don't need to become someone that you're not You need a strategy that reflects who you already are Let me summarize the six reasons that are keeping you stuck in dating app purgatory One your profile isn't unique Two you're not telling a story

Three, you're not speaking to him with clarity and confidence. Four, you're letting the prompts lead you. Five, your pictures are not helping you. Six, your messages are vanilla. This episode was to help you realize that the dating app isn't the problem. It's your strategy, and that's what I helped with.

Inside Kingdom Bride Unlocked, we don't just write better profiles. We turn your whole presence into something unforgettable. If you're done with dating app purgatory, let's talk. Next steps for getting my eyes on your profile. Next steps for getting help in this area of love.

is to go to my website and apply for a consultation call. And I want to let you know, sis, that that consultation call, even though it's free, it is the first steps to your transformation. The whole consultation process is to jumpstart your love life. So filling out the application and the questions that I ask, my whole process is,

clarity focused, clarity intended for you to see why you're stuck and see what needs to shift and change and to bridge the gap from where you are now to where you want to be in your love life. This process is at no cost to you except for the cost of your honesty and your commitment to go there, to

diagnose what is keeping you single. And then I have the solution. The solution is laid out in my Kingdom Bride Unlocked coaching program, and it's there waiting for you to grasp. Just signing up for a call and talking to me. It's going to change your life. And then working in my coaching program is going to get you the husband that you've always longed for.

If that sounds like beauty wrapped in a Tiffany's box, don't wait. Go to thechristiandatingcoach.com/apply and book your consult. Not someday. Do it now. This is how you leave dating app purgatory behind and step into the love story God has for you. Let's get you married sis.