Podcast 75: 5 Mistakes Keeping Christian Women Single

Want to know what’s actually keeping you single?

This special edition episode is pulled straight from Michelle’s powerful webinar Five Mistakes Keeping Christian Women Single. 

If you’ve been praying, waiting, and doing “all the right things” but still find yourself stuck, this episode will show you exactly why—and what needs to shift if you want to meet the love of your life and get married now.

You’ll walk away with clarity, conviction, and practical steps grounded in faith and strategy. Don’t miss this eye-opening breakdown of the hidden mistakes that delay love—and how to finally break free.

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)
Hello everyone, welcome to the webinar. I'm just gonna let people get on, get on in the room, get signed in, get cozy, get comfortable. Ladies, this call is for you and I am so glad that you decided to invest in yourself and show up on this call today. This call's for you to ask questions, make comments, ask for prayers, whatever it takes to make this call for you, do it.

go all in on this call because I'm here for you. So where is this calling? What is this call for? Well, of course, this is the call, five top mistakes keeping Christian women single. You may be doing lots of other things, but if you're doing these five things, today will be a game changer for you. You know, it's different being a Christian woman. We have different standards. We have different goals. We are different ourselves.

You know, it's a little different for us, the dating game. Well, I'm here to tell you today, there's just some mistakes that because we're Christian, we keep making by accident and it's totally sabotaging our chances at finding love. So, you know, a lot of people say things like, oh, Jesus should be enough for you or just pray and wait, or why can't you just be content? Or the worst one, you know, you just stop.

trying to find the right person and focus on being the right person. That used to drive me crazy when people said that to me because look, wasn't I enough? What else did I have to do? Well, if you're making these mistakes, clear it all up for you and it could be a total game changer day for you. But let me back up and first tell you who I am. My name's Michelle Joyner. Yes, I'm a life and dating coach.

And I'm here today to share with you what I learned from my dating coach, because yes, I was single for what felt like forever. I was probably a lot like you ladies. I probably had like, you know, the same things you had going on. Listen, I had a great career. I went to a great school. I bought my own home. I was active in my church.

You know, I was helping out with my family. was volunteering at local schools. You know, I was probably the definition of the total package. I was a great catch. But like I said, I was single, single, single, no dates, no guys, no interests. It just seemed like I didn't know what to do. Well, that's when I decided, you know what? I love my life, but I want more. So I got a dating code.

And not long after I started working with her, would say probably within three months from all the things she taught me, I met my now husband. So I was living in Michigan and he was living in Oregon. So we met online. If you think there's no godly men out there in the online dating world, you're wrong. I met one of them and we met and we had a long distance romance.

And we watched movies, we had movie date nights together. We met at different restaurants. Me and Michigan, him and Oregon, we had online dating right there in the restaurant. And we did Bible studies together. It was really fun. It was a really fun romance. And then not long after I met him, I would say probably about six months, he asked me to move to Oregon. So I moved to Oregon, got my own place. We dated in the same place for a while.

and got engaged and we've been married now for three years and we have two beautiful twin boys. So ladies, it is so possible. It is so worthwhile. It's the most biggest blessing ever. I'm glad you're here today and I'm here to share with you what could be holding you back from a dream come true, just like I'm in right now and just like is totally available for you. So if you're ready to get started, we're gonna get started. Like I said, if you have questions.

drop them in the Q &A box if you have comments or something that you're not unsure about, take advantage of this call and drop your questions in. At the end of the call, I will get to your questions or your comments or whatever things God has placed in your heart to share with us today. Okay, sound good? All right, so we're here today to talk about the mistakes holding Christian women back from finding love. So the first big mistake that I see

A lot of Christian women make, especially I made this. The first mistake is thinking that God is going to send you a spouse without your having to take any action. Now, this is a tricky mistake because yes, a godly spouse is from the Lord. So yes, God is going to send you your spouse. But.

The problem is that we think we don't have to take any action. God places opportunities in our lives and pathways in our lives, and He expects us to walk down them. He gives us people that can teach us things. He gives us places that we can go. He gives us people that we can meet. Different opportunities He'll place in our lives, and He wants us to take advantage of those opportunities.

And I'll give you an example of myself. One example that happened for me was he placed me in a very large church, but I didn't take advantage of it. I didn't see it as the opportunity that it was. So I kind of played small. And even though I was in a massive, good, godly church, I probably only knew about six men, the six men in my care group. How many of you guys would fall into that same trap?

if you were in the same situation as me. And maybe just playing it small and just not taking advantage of those opportunities that God would have placed in front of you. Let me tell you this story to kind of like really drive home how this is a big mistake. It's a story of the man and the flood. And I'm not talking about no one the flood. Totally new story you may never have heard before. A man heard that a flood was coming

to his village. And he prayed and he thought he received a vision from the Lord that the Lord would save him. So he stood in confidence that the Lord would save him. So the rain started coming and the flood started rising and his friend drove by on a truck and said, get into the truck. I'm going to drive us to safety. And the man said, no, God's going to save me. So the truck left.

and the flood started rising. Actually it rose so high that the man went up to his roof. And as he went up to his roof, he saw a boat coming. And the man in the boat said, hey, the floods rising, get in the boat and I'll row us to safety. And the man said, no, God's gonna save me. Well, a helicopter came and a man yelled from the helicopter, do you want me to lower the ladder and fly you away to safety?

And the man said, God's going to save me. Well, the helicopter left and the man drowned. So when he got to heaven, he asked God, why? thought you would save me. had a vision that you would save me. And God said to the man, I sent a truck. I sent a boat. I sent a helicopter. What more could I have done for you? So I know that.

In this area of your life, we believe that God will send us our spouse, but it is up to us to walk down the opportunities and find the pathways and find the actions that he wants us to take. A lot of times we take no action, really through no fault of our own. I'll give you an example of myself. When I was single, my dad was constantly telling me, there's nothing you can do.

God's going to send you a spouse. Why are you looking? You you shouldn't be doing anything in this area. God will send you a spouse. And he really, you know, just held me back. And I don't blame my dad. My dad just didn't know any better. And it wasn't really until I started looking around and meeting people and talking to people and finding out more about what relationships were like that I actually did get into relationship until I started taking action.

nothing happened. And so this is a really big mistake. Yes, we trust God. And yes, we take action. Make sense? Just like in any other area of life. If you want a job, you put in your applications, you send your resume, you pray, and then you go for the interview. See all those actions that you take? It's just the same in this area. So let's move on to second mistake. Mistake number two.

And remember, these are mistakes that Christian women make. Second mistake, not flirting. Yes, I said it, not flirting. Okay, so before you ask, I'll just ask for you, wait a second, is flirting Christian? Is that a question that you have? I know I did. I hear it all the time. Is flirting Christian? Well, let me explain. I'm not talking about soliciting sex.

And I'm not talking about wearing immodest showy clothing or being promiscuous. That's not what flirting is. Flirting is the energy that gives the momentum to your interactions with men. It's playfulness and cheekiness and teasing and really knowing how to inspire a guy to be attracted to you.

Because here's what happens when you're the type of woman that doesn't know how to flirt. You get put in the friend zone. Because you're talking to a guy as though there's no electricity, there's no spark, there's no sizzle, and you're not going to have any momentum in your interactions with him and he will put you in the friend zone. If you come in with that flavor,

where you can actually be exciting and flirty, he will instantly think of you as potential. He won't even think to put you in the friend zone. I'll give you an example of what happens to some of my clients. Some of my clients start talking to men, and they ask basic questions, and they have basic conversations.

And they say, I'm just trying to get to know him. And they say, I don't really want to be flirty because I don't know if I really like him. so they kind of hold themselves back. And you know what happens? It's boring. The conversations are boring and they don't go anywhere. There's no momentum. I'm telling you that if they would just incorporate flirting,

And once I teach them flirting that works with your personality and who you are and the things that you like and the things that you know and the things that are funny for you and you flirt for you, instantly the guys perk up. And to give you an example, I was coaching one of my clients and she was talking about a guy that she really wanted to talk to. She said, you know, called me the other day and it was just so nice that he called me and thought of me and

Out of the blue, got this phone call. was just so nice. And I said, well, what's happened since? She said, nothing. We've just been exchanging a few emails here and there. And I said, wait a second. And I put a message in our chat. And I said, send him this message. And guess what? It was a flirty, fun message, very modest, but very fun and flirty. She sent him the message. And two minutes later, the guy called her.

That's how powerful a little flirtatiousness can be. Guys really get excited by it. It's so much fun to do. And you get completely different results in your interactions with men. So a lot of women don't know how to flirt though. So if that's you, ask yourself, are some of my interactions kind of dull? Like, are you getting the how are you message a whole lot?

or the good morning message a whole lot and it's not really going much more than that, if that's the case, you might be making this mistake. You might be not having any flirtatiousness about you. So if you don't know how to flirt, don't feel alone. This is something that you can learn. Being irresistible is something that you can learn and it's really fun. It's fun for him, it's fun for you and it gets you the results that you want.

in your relationships with guys. So mistake number two, not flirting. Thinking that flirting is not Christian or not knowing how to flirt, either way, it's a mistake and it could be keeping you single just because your relationships just don't get enough momentum to get going. So mistake number two. All right, moving along. So I'm going to move on now to mistake number three.

Mistake number three not knowing male language Okay, I'm gonna say it again not knowing male language guy code How to talk to a guy in a language that he? understands Okay male language can only be learned by practicing

Talking to men you learn what male language is and then you practice it So it's a big mistake if you're not getting enough practice Talking to men and learning male language, but here's what happens. Here's the reason why you're making this mistake The reason why you're making this mistake is because you think of men in two ways Either he's a man that you would potentially date and marry

or he's nothing. Do you see how that could be a mistake? How are you going to learn male language if you never spend time around men, spend time talking to men? It's really important to learn male language and just start having fun around men, spending more time around men. So I want you to think to yourself right now, do you have men that you can spend time with and just have fun with?

They're not men that you're judging to see, am I going to marry him? Is he going to marry me? They're just men that you just have a good time with and he enjoys having a good time with you. What happened to me was I grew up really strict. I grew up really strict. I heard the book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and I thought it was really important. And I just thought, you know, I just shouldn't really be talking to guys. If I'm not going to marry them, I just shouldn't be talking to them.

So I really just didn't even know how to interact with men, how to have a good time with men. And it was until I just shut all that down and just started enjoying myself and having fun talking to guys. And you know what happened when I did that? My confidence level rose and I got better. Cause I understood how men thought. I understood what made them attracted, what made them want to commit.

what made them want to keep talking to me, what made them want to hang out with me. And I understood all those things because I gave myself practice spending time around men and I learned male language. I learned how to talk to them and what really lit their fires. So then when I met my husband and I learned all these things from my dating coach and when I met my husband, I was ready.

So the more you hang around men, they don't have to be men that you marry. They don't have to be men that you even really give your heart to or date, but you just spend time with them. You talk to them. You treat them as people. Instead of seeing them as potential husbands or nothing, you just see them as people. People that you can talk to and have fun with, pray with, learn about God together with, and just enjoy as people. Once you start treating men like that, you'll learn male language.

So when I met my husband, I was ready. I was ready. I knew how to talk to him. I knew how to get him to keep wanting to talk to me. I knew how to express my standards. I knew how to say things that would make him want to commit to me. I said that to a client the other day. She said, well, you know, there's nothing you can do. You know, I mean, a guy just decides if he wants to commit to you. Well, she's wrong.

If you know male language, you will know how to get a guy to commit to you, how to get a guy to stop talking to all the other women and only talk to you. Within about a couple of conversations talking to my now husband, I said to him, you know, if we're going to be having these deep conversations and expressing our personal self, I don't want to know that you're talking to other people.

So within a few conversations of talking to me, he was only talking to me. And that's something that you can learn how to inspire a guy to want to do something like that, to want to commit to you alone. And you have to be practicing and have that confidence talking to people so that you can get that kind of reaction from a guy because you know how to get that kind of reaction from a guy. So that's one of the mistakes that Christian women make.

Just not spending enough time with men in general and just talking to them and learning their language. Okay? So if you're making that mistake, you might be making the next one. The next one is not meeting enough men. So how many men, let me ask you, have you met in the past year? When I asked...

people this, you know how many they tell me? Sometimes one or two. Meeting one or two men in a given year is not enough. I would actually say even meeting 10 men in the past year or two is not enough because here's the thing. If you're looking for your future spouse, if you're looking for the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with,

If you're looking for the man to be the father of your children, do you really only want to choose from two to ten people? When there's billions of people in the world, you're only meeting two to ten. That's not enough. That's a huge mistake. I don't know why, but it really does seem like Christian women tend to make this mistake. It might be because they were like me. We just went to church. We went to the gym.

We went to work and then we came home and we didn't really go out and mix and mingle with people. We usually, as Christian women, we usually don't really go hang out at bars. So there's really no usual way for us to just always be meeting more men. We go to the same church. Usually we don't hop around to different churches. So we're not really being exposed to new men and it's totally understandable, but we need to find a way.

We do. need to find a way to be introducing more men into our lives because we want to have those options. And you know what can happen is now my clients have so many men, they literally don't have time to talk to all the men that they're meeting. And that's really the best problem to have because when you're only meeting one or two men, first of all, you really can't

learn male language from that because you're not going to be spending too much time with them and you're not going to be getting a practice and you're not going to be growing in confidence. The other thing that tends to happen when we meet only like one or two men and we're not meeting enough men is that we get really nervous and really scarcity mindset. So what happens is when you start meeting more men, you know, you know what? I don't

to worry if this guy isn't the guy for me because I'm going to meet someone like next week. And you start building that confidence and you don't even worry that this particular guy isn't the right guy for you because you know you'll meet someone new and that's really important. So if that's mistake of yours, that's one that really wants to be corrected because as women, well, there's a lot of different facets to us and being married is for life.

So we don't want to have our options kind of hampered or selected or short. We want to meet as many men as possible because we want to be able to ask the right questions and find out like, is this the type of godly man that could really support me and my family? And you have to meet a lot of men for that to happen. The more men you meet, the more likely it is you'll find the right one for you.

The more men you meet, the quicker you meet more men, the quicker you'll meet the one for you. All right, the last mistake, the last mistake that Christian women make, I think this one, it may not be particular to Christian women. I see a lot of women making it, not just Christian women, but as Christian women, we make this too. And it's really sad that we do. We don't have a good self image.

We don't have self-confidence. We don't believe that we're worthy. We don't believe that we're desirable. We don't believe that we are attractive sometimes. You know, this will really hold you back because we instruct people how to treat us by the way that we treat ourselves. So if you think of yourself lowly,

and badly and you're constantly beating up on yourself. If you don't think that you're desirable, it's going to be really hard for a man to think that you're desirable because you're instructing him how to treat you. What's more, if you don't know your own value, you won't know how to convey your value. You won't know how to get him to notice you. You may not even have enough confidence to want to try. There's so many ways.

not believing in yourself will hold you back. It's gonna hold you back from taking action because you don't believe you're worthwhile. And if you do take action, the energy is not gonna have the impact you want because you're not believing you're desirable. It's gonna be hard to convince other people that you are too. Wouldn't it be amazing if you had that it factor that some women have, like when they walk into a room, everybody just takes notice.

And the reason why is because of what they think about themselves. They think that they are, first of all, I'm gonna give you a few things that women who think this way are thinking. First of all, they know who they are in Christ. They know that Jesus Christ died for them, that they are holy and blameless in God's sight. And that alone drives them to have

confidence. They know they're fearfully and wonderfully made. They know that God doesn't make mistakes when He creates people. And they have that confidence of who they are in Christ. So they can be free to love themselves and they're free to love others. And then the other thing they know is that they don't have to be perfect. They don't have to be perfect or get everything right. And they don't have to be better than anyone. They're good enough in and of themselves. So they have that

confidence and if you don't have that confidence it is going to hold you back. It is going to make it impossible for you to go out and meet new men. Definitely going to make it impossible for you to want to know how to flirt. So that is a huge mistake keeping Christian women back. They don't believe in themselves. They don't love themselves. They talk meanly to themselves and they don't have a good self-image. So how

these sound to you? these resonate with you? Are these mistakes that you might be making? I'm going to go through them one more time and kind of summarize them for you just so that you can keep them in your head. Okay, so the first mistake that most Christian women make is that they believe that God should just magically drop a husband into their lives without them taking action. And this doesn't

mean that they just trust in God. This means that they're not taking any action. And that's a really huge mistake. God puts opportunities in your lives and pathways and he wants you to walk down them. And this is the way he will send you the love of your life. The second mistake that Christian women make is not flirting. Either they don't know how to flirt or they think that flirting is ungodly in some way.

And both of those are not good things to have because flirtatiousness is the way to put momentum into your interactions with men so that you stay out of the friend zone. So flirting and learning how to flirt in a godly way. And if you are smart, you saw the message that I sent to you where you can actually use the fruits of the spirit to flirt. If you missed that message that I sent to you, go back and check your email.

There is a way to flirt that is beautiful, is godly, and makes men totally excited to be around you. So mistake number two is not flirting. Mistake number three, not knowing male language. And the only way you can know male language is to spend time with men. Just spend time with men, practice talking to men, practice being around men. If you're not doing that, you're making a big mistake.

And don't think that men are either husband material or nothing. That's not true. Men are just people. So spending time with men is really important. If you're not doing that, it might be keeping you single just because you're never going to learn male language. Mistake number four, not even needing enough men. If you're one of those people that when you thought to yourself, ⁓ I only met two new men this year, maybe three?

That's not enough men. You want to meet so many men that you don't have time to talk to all of them. Because as Christian women, you know, I like to remind people of the verse, wide is the road that leads to destruction and many there be that find it and narrow is the road that leads to God and few there be that find it. So if you're only meeting a few men.

You're just really lessening the chances you're going to meet someone on that narrow path. You need to meet a lot of new men, a lot of new people to really have your options open and quickly find the person that you're looking for. Probably if you're not meeting the one that you're looking for, you're not meeting enough men. And then five, you have a really poor self image. You don't know who you are in Christ and you don't believe in yourself.

This is something really easy. I remember when I was single, I was a little bit overweight. I still am a little bit overweight and I was always at the gym. was always spending money with personal trainers. I was always spending money with nutritionists, Pilates instructors, everything, because I just didn't think I was good enough. And then finally the year of years, I lost a hundred pounds. And guess what? I met no new men. I didn't get a single date. I was a size small.

And I didn't even get a single date after all that effort. Well, I have an illness, so I did gain the weight back. And wouldn't you know, when I started working with my dating coach, I was the heaviest I've ever been. But she taught me to believe I was a high-value woman. So my self-image changed, and I no longer had a low view of myself. And wouldn't you know, that's when I met my husband. And my heaviest weight, but now my self-confidence was there.

And that's why I say to you, having a low self image is really going to hold you back and it's totally unnecessary. You don't have to be perfect. You're perfect just the way you are. I want you all to believe you're the Total Package. So those are the mistakes that Christian women make all the time. And I'm so glad that I was able to share them with you today. I hope these resonated with you.

And I want you to really think about these. Am I making these mistakes? Because after you realize you're making the mistakes, the next question you have for yourself is, what do I do now? What do I do now? I mean, I'm making these mistakes, but I don't know what to do. How do I learn male language? What is male language? How do I flirt? I'm terrible at flirting. I'm too shy. I can't flirt. I don't know how to flirt.

or I have a really low self image and I've been trying to get better at it, but I just don't know how to have confidence in myself, you may be asking yourselves these questions. And I'm here to tell you, yes, I am here to help. I am a life and dating coach. And so what I am offering you today is a free console call. And I will send you a message after this call with the link on how to talk to me and get your own free

complimentary consult call with me where you get to start strategizing. So what happens is you start coming up with the solutions to these questions and you become like my client. She came to me. She had low self-confidence. She had a man a new man in a decade and she had no idea how to flirt and she started working with me and very quickly we built an online dating profile. I taught her

how to write a profile that was like a sensory experience for men. So when they read it, they could like taste, touch, feel, and smell, and see her. And it was like a sensory experience for them as they're reading her profile. And she wrote into her profile exactly what type of man she was looking for and made him out to be a hero. So when he read it, he felt amazing.

and he wanted to talk to her and he knew he was the type of guy that she was looking for. And all the other guys that just weren't what she was looking for, they just didn't write her because they weren't what she was looking for. So she was talking to more men than she knew what to deal with. And then she got into a relationship and then he asked her to come meet his family and the relationship progressed and progressed in few short months. And you know, that is what can happen when you

go after your dreams. I want to ask you like how much longer do you want to be crying or worrying or praying about this? How much longer? If you did nothing differently, do you think you're going to get a different result? So talking to me is something very different, something that you've never done before. You probably never even heard of a life and dating coach.

Well, talking to me is the different action you can take to get a different result. how to convey your value.

with male language, with the flirting and learning how to meet more men, all those things, you can learn that how to be more irresistible and you can learn how to have a better experience, more fun and more love in your life until you end up like I said before with pancakes and cuddles on the weekend with your own future husband. All right, ladies, it was so good talking to you tonight.

Bye ladies.