Ep. 89: The Secret to Feeling Beautiful — What Men Really Think

Every woman wonders: what do men really think about beauty? In this episode, Michelle reveals the secret to feeling beautiful—not by chasing perfection, but by aligning with God’s definition of beauty and your own. 

You’ll hear surprising insights from Christian men on attraction, discover why confidence is more magnetic than looks, and learn the simple shift that changes how the world responds to you.

This isn’t about filters or celebrity standards. It’s about uncovering the truth that can transform your confidence, your relationships, and your future.

✨ And if you’re ready to take this deeper, everything we talked about today—the biblical redefinition of beauty, the confidence framework, plus the raw conversations from my Ask a Guy sessions—is waiting for you inside my Kingdom Bride Unlocked course. Get instant access here: The Course — The Christian Dating Coach
.

📲 And don’t forget, I share my daily beauty and confidence routines, outfits, and behind-the-scenes family life over on Instagram. Follow me here: Instagram: Christian Dating Coach
.

Let’s get you married, sis.

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)
Hey, hey, sis. Let me ask you a question. Who do you know that you think is truly beautiful? Who's the woman that if you could look just like her? Long lashes, tall, curves in all the right places, glossy hair. Who's the woman you'd pick? Who wins the award in your mind

for being truly beautiful. Here's the truth. If you want to feel beautiful, you don't wait for it. You don't hope it happens. If you want to feel beautiful, you have to be beautiful. Here's the part nobody tells you.

you get to define what beauty is. And beauty won't do what you think it will. In fact, sometimes beauty makes people like you less. So today I'm going to walk you through what beauty really is, how to align with it, how men actually see it, and why confidence, not perfection, is what makes you magnetic. And by the way,

If you're not following me on Instagram yet, that is where I share my daily beauty, confidence routines, and real time outfits, makeup, even behind the scenes with my family. So go follow me now so that you can see what I teach lived out. Let's talk about beauty. The biggest mistake women make is defining beauty.

by celebrity standards. Perfect lighting, professional makeup, tailored clothes, personal chefs, trainers, and after all that, filters. So it's no wonder that you think they look perfectly beautiful. They've had tens of

hundreds of millions of dollars poured into them. That's not real life. And that's not God's definition of beauty. Biblically, beauty is a gentle and quiet spirit. It's reverence for God, it's good deeds.

1 Peter 3 says of Christian women, your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.

This is what God defines as beauty. And this is what the godly men that you are looking for, hoping for, truly desire. And so personally, beauty is whatever brings you into integrity with yourself. For me, it's my nails. I've always been self-conscious about my short nails. So having them done makes me feel polished.

makes me feel complete. For you, it might be a haircut. For you, it might be clothes that fit your body, shoes that make you feel confident and sexy when you walk into a room. Here is the twist. It doesn't make sense to try to feel beautiful when your outward appearance

is out of alignment with your inner definition. So we have God's definition, the gentle, quiet, reverent spirit. But then we have your definition. What is it to you that makes you feel beautiful? If my hair is frizzy and wild looking, I cannot trick my brain into saying I feel beautiful.

And if my clothes don't fit, like no affirmation is going to override that. I'm not saying you need to look like Beyonce, but if your definition of beauty includes a haircut, go get a haircut. If it includes heels, go find some heels that make you feel sexy.

you don't want to lie to your brain. Too many women are trying to conjure up confidence while ignoring their own needs. If you're not in alignment with your definition of beauty, confidence will not come. I know this personally. For the past decade, I've been pregnant, postpartum, plus size on medication that makes

weight management hard. I really just assumed that normal sores didn't carry my size. But I walked into Nordstrom and came out with a bag of gorgeous stylish clothes in 3X that fit beautifully. And guess what? I felt beautiful. Not because I lost weight.

But because I chose clothes that matched my definition of beauty, I was in alignment with my heart. And too many women are waiting until they feel beautiful before they act beautiful. That's backward. Confidence doesn't come first. Beauty comes first by your definition, not the world's. You choose beauty, your own beauty. You choose the polish, the presentation, the details, and then confidence follows.

Beauty isn't out of reach. It's not a celebrity budget. It's small, intentional choices that align with your values and your identity and your needs.

And here's where everything changes.

Confidence is just as visible as clear skin, sleek hair, or a stylish wardrobe. People can see confidence instantly, and they can see the lack of it as well. In your walk, your smile, your presence, it shows up in your photos, on dating apps, on social media, your posture, your eyes, your expression.

They all reveal your thoughts about yourself. Very few people can hide what they're truly thinking. If you don't feel good about yourself, it shows up in your pictures. You instruct people how to think of you by the way you think of yourself. This is something I have a lot of experience with. I've been hired by a dating app as a dating expert.

to advise men and women wanting to find their person. A lot of women and men tell me dating apps don't work. And so they delete the apps thinking that it's never gonna work for them. But here's the truth, They only work with what you give them. And if your photos are saying, don't believe I'm beautiful, the results will follow.

A picture really is worth a thousand words. And quick heads up, I'll dive deeper into photos and dating apps in Thursday's episode. For now, know this, confidence is visible, even in a snapshot. I've hosted Ask a Guy sessions with multiple Christian men, married and single, where they answered my clients' questions about beauty, attraction, commitment.

whether men have a type, what they think about saving sex before marriage, all the questions. And the questions about beauty always surprise me. Here's what women consistently get wrong. How much looks matter to high caliber godly men. We think looks are everything. But when you listen to these

types of men talk, you realize it's not what we think. One client asked the guys, to what extent does physical attraction matter? Which is everybody's question, right?

And one of the men said, yes, attraction matters, but not in the way women think. There are people who look great, but aren't kind. And that comes out eventually. The longer you know someone,

the more their personality colors over everything. If they make you

feel good about yourself, you'll find them more attractive. If they make you feel bad, no amount of beauty can cover that. And then another man added, there's a difference between physical attractiveness and physical attraction. Attractiveness is what the world says is beautiful, like a magazine cover. But attractiveness does not create attraction.

Attraction is what you personally feel and that comes from the whole person, their presence, their confidence, the way you make them feel when you're around them.

you hear that? Write this down. Attractiveness does not create attraction. What creates attraction is confidence, personality and presence, the way you make someone feel. And if you want to hear every raw, unfiltered thing these Christian men said, their thoughts on beauty and attraction, what makes them commit, it's all

waiting inside my Kingdom Bride Unlocked course. And along with that, you'll get my full framework

the link is in my show notes. Now let's talk about what beauty actually does and what it doesn't do.

Most women think beauty is the magic key to love and acceptance. If I were prettier, men would like me, I'd have more friends, I'd be more confident, I'd finally be chosen. But that's not how it works. Here's the truth. Sometimes beauty makes people like you less. Sometimes it stirs jealousy, insecurity, even cruelty.

Beauty does not guarantee approval. But here's what it does do. When you define beauty biblically and when you define beauty personally, beauty gives you confidence. And it's your confidence that changes how people respond to you. It's confidence that makes you magnetic. It's confidence that draws people in. So it's not

beauty or attractiveness that captivates people. It's the confidence that blows out of your inner alignment. A woman who is in alignment with God's standard of beauty, gentleness, quietness, reverence, peace, patience, kindness. A woman who is in alignment with her own definition of beauty and takes the time to meet her own needs and to

pour value and love into herself. This woman will always be attractive. Because beauty isn't for others. Beauty is for you. It's for your heart, your worth, your ability to walk into a room and believe you belong there. Believe you are important. So here's the bottom line. If you don't feel beautiful,

redefine beauty biblically, define it personally, and then choose to be beautiful now and watch how the feeling follows.

Confidence is just as visible as clear skin and glossy hair. And beauty isn't about being perfect. It's about loving yourself enough to be in alignment with your own heart

and taking care of your own needs because you matter.

This has been one of the most valuable and important messages I've ever shared on this podcast. I know this truth is desperately needed and I believe it will resonate with every woman who hears it. So here's my ask, share this episode with every woman you care about, your friends, your sisters, your daughters. Women need to be set free from lies about beauty.

and finally step into the confidence God designed them to carry. And if you're ready to take this deeper, everything we talked about today, the biblical redefinition of beauty, the confidence framework, plus the raw conversations from my Ask A Guy sessions, they're all waiting for you inside my Kingdom Bride Unlocked course, and so, so much more. You can get instant access right now. Link is in the show notes.

Let's get you married, sis.