Ep. 108: The Man You Want Has Already Met You

Many extraordinary women quietly come to the same painful conclusion:

The kind of man I want must not exist.

But what if that isn’t true?

What if the man you want has already crossed your path…
 and simply didn’t recognize you?

In this episode, Michelle Joiner shares a surprising insight about modern dating, recognition, and why the strategy most women use to find love may actually be working against them.

Stop looking.

Be findable.

If you’re ready to become unmistakably recognizable to the kind of man you’re looking for, you can request a private consult through the link below.

www.thechristiandatingcoach.com/consult

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:26)
The kind of man you want has already met you. He may have walked past you, sat across the room from you, saw your profile on a dating app, even had a brief conversation with you. Here's the agonizing part. You may never have even known it happened. He met you and

he moved on. Not because he prefers someone less intelligent. Not because great men are rare. Not because he was intimidated. But because he didn't recognize you. He didn't recognize your value. That you are

the kind of woman he has been looking for. The type of man you want may seem invisible, but invisible does not mean absent. And today we're going to talk about a quiet truth many extraordinary women never realize. The man you want is already here, but in today's world,

recognition when it happens, happens quickly.

And if you are not positioned to be recognized, he moves right past you without saying a

word to reveal the kind of man that he was.

Many women eventually reach a quiet conclusion. They start to believe the type of man they want simply doesn't exist. They've looked, they've dated, they've prayed, and slowly the belief forms. The man I want must be rare or maybe even non-existent.

But after years of working with intelligent, accomplished, deeply marriage-minded women and helping them meet equally amazing men who become their husbands and the father to their children, I've noticed something fascinating. The problem usually isn't that great men are absent. The problem is recognition.

And that depends on something most women have never been taught. Recognition depends on what I call high value positioning. High value positioning is when the qualities that make you extraordinary are recognizable immediately because recognition happens quickly.

One of the things that surprises women is how quickly men decide, not in months, not weeks, often in minutes, sometimes seconds. And that doesn't mean men are shallow. It's just a sign of the times that we are living in today. And it means that men are pattern recognizers. When a thoughtful, purposeful man meets a woman,

Something instinctive happens. He begins reading signals, not consciously, not like a checklist, but instinctively. In his mind, he's asking questions like, do we think alike? Would I trust her when life gets difficult? Do I feel lighter with her around? Is there joy?

and peace with this woman. He scans your photos for glimpses of this. He may read your profile to see if there's a destiny echo. Something that makes him say to himself, we think alike. He wants to feel something. And if he does, recognition will happen quickly. This tells us something undeniable.

If it's not visible immediately, if it's not unmistakable, he moves on. You were not recognized. Recognition often happens in very small moments, a phrase, a gesture, a glimpse of who someone truly is. Sometimes it's even a tone, a softness.

in your voice. In Pride and Prejudice, there's a quiet moment where Mr. Darcy notices Elizabeth Bennet immersed in a book. He makes a remark about the importance of a lady's reading, but what he's really noticing isn't the book. He's recognizing her mind, the way she thinks, the way she sees the world.

a kind of intellectual resonance, what I call a destiny echo, that quiet sense of we think alike. I'm reminded of the film, Elizabethtown. There's a scene when Claire helps guide people to safety during a fire. Orlando Bloom's character can't take his eyes off of her.

not because she's performing or being glamorous, but because something about Claire in that moment tells him he may never meet another woman like her. That is recognition. These moments happen quickly, which means the signals your life sends matter.

Many women approach dating like a search mission. More apps, more swiping, more effort trying to find the right man. But what if the strategy itself is wrong? What if the problem isn't that you haven't found him, but that he hasn't recognized you? Stop

looking, be findable. The man you want is already here and scripture actually reflects this pattern. In Proverbs it says, he who finds a wife finds a good thing. It says the man finds the wife.

which means something about her life allows her to be recognized, visible, findable. And that's where high value positioning becomes incredibly important.

High value positioning is not pretending to be someone else. It's not manipulation and it's not performance.

High value positioning simply means the qualities that make you extraordinary are recognizable quickly. Your presence, your personality, your warmth, your peace, your joy, the depth of who you are. Your photos need to show this. Your first message must confirm this because recognition happens fast. And if those signals aren't unmistakable, the moment

passes. And this is where I have something many people in the dating world don't have, receipts. Because my clients keep telling me something fascinating. After they upgrade to high value positioning, they start meeting better men. Immediately, men who are thoughtful, intentional, saving themselves for marriage, men who previously seemed impossible to find.

now are appearing over and over. But those men didn't suddenly appear. They were already there. It's simply that now the men are making themselves visible.

Michelle Joiner (09:27)
And this also explains something people say all the time. We hear that all the good men are taken. And in a sense, that's true. Because when a good man recognizes the woman he's been looking for, he doesn't stay on the market very long.

Michelle Joiner (09:47)
So if you've started to believe the kind of man you want doesn't exist, I want you to consider a different possibility. He exists. He may have already crossed your path.

but recognition happens quickly. And if the signals saying you are what a high caliber man is looking for, if those signals aren't visible immediately, recognition never happens. Not because great men are absent, but because those great men didn't recognize you quickly enough to make themselves visible.

The truth is, invisible does not mean absent.

Michelle Joiner (10:35)
So if you've ever wondered why a man you were excited about suddenly disappeared, or why the kind of men you want never seems to appear at all, this may be the reason. He didn't recognize you. He didn't recognize that you were the woman he was looking for.

So stop trying to find him. Instead, be findable.

Michelle Joiner (11:10)
because the kind of man you want has already met you. And in today's world, you want him to recognize you quickly. That's why one thing becomes incredibly important. High value positioning. High value women need

high value positioning. And when your life allows the right man to recognize you, he will. Because the kind of man you want isn't looking for just anyone. He's looking for you. And the moment he recognizes you, everything changes.

Michelle Joiner (11:57)
if you're listening to this and realizing you may already have the qualities great men want, but they're simply not being recognized.

That is exactly the kind of work I do with my clients, helping extraordinary women develop high value positioning so the right man recognizes them immediately. If you want my help becoming unmistakable to the kind of man you are looking for, you can request a private consult. We'll talk about your dating life, what might be preventing

the right man from recognizing you and what it would look like for you to develop high value positioning because the man you want may already be here. And the moment recognition happens, everything changes.

You can request a private consult through the link in the show notes.

I am here to help you become unmistakable. Let's get you married, sis.