Thursday Coaching: Healing Workshop

In this episode we give you a peek into our Thursday Healing Workshops. This is the audio from our members only group where we give advice based on our decades of producing Intelligence For Your Life.

In this call we covered everything from guarding your heart from difficult people to stress and inflammation.

If you would like to join, check out tesh.com.

For more information, and to sign up for our private coaching, visit tesh.com

Our Hosts:
John Tesh: Instagram: @johntesh_ifyl facebook.com/JohnTesh
Gib Gerard: Instagram: @GibGerard facebook.com/GibGerard X: @GibGerard

Transcript

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Gib, hello and welcome to another episode of the podcast. I'm Gib Gerard. Our episode today is actually the audio from one of our coaching calls that we do every single Thursday. So it'll feature both myself and John, and we will go through all kinds of things that help you, get you from the place you are to the place you want to be. This is a it's a group, but we also give one on one advice from decades of research and writing of intelligence for your life. So if you want more information on that, you want to join us. You want to see what it's like, keep listening. But you can go to tesh.com and get more information about how to join us. So here, without further ado, here is our healing workshop Thursday coaching call so for the welcome to everybody we this is the the healing workshop, April 24 and we are, we are here to talk about divine healing, spiritual healing, physical healing. Matters of the heart, especially especially today, we want to talk about about guarding your heart, and we want to talk about what experts say is the value of things, like tough experiences, how to protect yourself from people that maybe you don't want to around you. What are those techniques? So Gib, let's, let's start with with Arthur Brooks, who is a Harvard psychologist who talks about how to Never waste your suffering. Never waste your suffering. I asked my students in my happiness class to keep a failure and disappointment list. Man, each time something bad happens that feels like a loss or it feels like a disappointment or feels like a failure, you write it down and leave two lines blank. And on the first line you write down, it's like that thing really bothered me, and then a month later, you come back to the first line that you left blank under it and write down, what did you learn? And then three months later, you come back to the second line and write down a good thing that happened because of that loss, and you're filling in the notebook. And by the time you're going to a new thing that's really bugging you, really bothering you, you start to look forward to it, because you're going to be looking back at the knowledge and growth from past negative experiences and the and the benefit that actually has come from those negative experiences. Well, never, never, never waste sacrifice. Never waste your suffering. Boy, I really love this, and it also reminds me of what I talk about all the time, is the power of remembrance. And you look at the at David in the Bible, when, when they, when they were just making fun of him because he was up against Goliath the giant, and he just said, you know, God, you were with me when I slayed the bear. You with me when I slayed the lion. I know you'll be with me, with with, with this giant. So it's, it's, yeah, but then, but now, writing it down is the next step. This is why I talk about how important what we've talked about so many times how important journaling is, right? Journaling gives you the background, the context, and a physical journal is great. You can use, like I've said before, I use day one, which is an online journal, so I can do on my phone, my computer, my iPad, wherever I am, I have access to it. I also write in a physical journal. So that's this is just a journaling technique, of you write down those losses, and then you come back to them in the subsequent weeks, and you talk about the lessons you learned. And this goes back to an adage that we've mentioned before, that change happens when the pain of of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. And so when you can absorb and and be honest about the suffering and the downside of something and use it to create a growth mindset and use it as a as a mechanism for your own growth, then you are really becoming you're moving towards healing to the person that you really want to be because they make fun of him on on Saturday night. Live the the ball, the dad of the three ball players, LeVar ball, I think you know all the they're basketball players, and he, Keenan, comes out and plays and goes, never lost, but he actually has a line that is important, and, and, and goes with this. And that is, I never lose. I either win or I learn. And that's, that's his, that's his mentality, crazy. I mean, insane person, but, but, but, you know, brought three kids into elite athleticism, which takes a lot of effort, and that idea of you don't lose you either you either win, you either succeed in what you're trying to do, or you learn and that, or you learn a way that you to not do it again, right? That's Edison's whole thing was, I didn't I didn't fail at my inventions. I just learned ways that it wouldn't work. I. And that is a growth mindset, and this is a great way to cultivate that growth mindset, so that you don't take your losses as personal affronts, as a part of your identity. You take your losses as learning opportunities. I think it was Wayne Gretzky. Gretzky, the great hockey player, who said, I miss 100% of a shots that I don't take. Wayne Gretzky, Michael Scott, yeah, yeah. Amazing. You know, I want to, I want to play it again, because I think if you want to take notes, and of course, you can watch the replay, but here's Arthur Brooks again, let's just do this again, and then we'll move on. Never waste your suffering. I ask my students and my happiness class to to keep a failure and disappointment list. Man, each time something bad happens that feels like a loss or it feels like a disappointment or feels like a failure. You write it down and leave two lines blank, and on the first line, you write down, it's like that thing really bothered me. And then a month later, you come back to the first line that you left blank under it and write down, what did you learn? And then three months later, you come back to the second line and write down a good thing that happened because of that loss, and you're you're filling in the notebook, and by the time you're going to a new thing that's really bugging you, really bothering you, you start to look forward to it, because you're going to be looking back at the knowledge and growth from past negative experiences and the and the benefit that actually has come from those negative experiences. Well, never, never. Never waste sacrifice. Never waste your suffering. Growth mindset. And I know a lot of people say, you know, don't look back, but I don't agree with that. I think it's I think there's a lot to learn from from from that God said it to Lot. Somebody turned it into stone. I think it was Prometheus. Set it to Orpheus right, and he looked back and couldn't help himself, but, yeah, no, sometimes you don't want to look back and live in regret, but if right, but if you live in growth, then that's then you can look back. Then you should be looking back. And if you can, if you want to establish a growth mindset, you can't establish a growth mindset unless you growth mindset unless you acknowledge how far you've come. Yeah, that's really good. I love it. I love how you summarize that so that's never waste your suffering. Now, a lot of what we want to talk about today is also guarding your heart. How to guard your heart? And Jordan Peterson, the great psychologist from originally from the University of Toronto, has said, list of the the five people to cut out of your life. We've had conversations in this group before. Gib as you, as you know, people say, Hey, can I'm having this problem with this family member, having power with that family member. So she's going to bring that up. We can talk about about sickness, how to beat that? The different modalities we can talk about sleep and all that stuff, but, but a lot of times the reason we lose sleep, and a lot of times the reason we get sick, is because of interpersonal relationships. Yes, yeah, yeah. You that stuff wears on you. You replay it, and it gives you anxiety and stress, and stress over time. If you know, you go for a run. That's acute stress. You sit there and ruminate for several hours about bad relationships. That's the kind of chronic stress that creates inflammation in your body, and inflammation leads to metabolic disease. Yeah. So you're gonna want, if you have a pen, you're gonna want again, you can, you know, of course, watch this in the replay, but you're gonna want to write this down, because it's, it's it's dense. There's a lot of really good information in here. Here's Jordan Peterson on the five people you should cut out of your life. Five people you should cut out of your life. Be careful with the last one. Number one, the competitor, they might want to see you do well, but they surely don't want to see you do better than them. Number two, the user, they will only love you as much as they can use you. As soon as you no longer give them what they want, they disappear. Number three, the blamer. They make you feel guilty and never take responsibility. Their manipulation goes so far that you even start to believe you are to blame. Number four, the complainer. They will steal your peace by complaining about the same things they aren't willing to change. Number five, the abuser. They abuse your forgiveness, trust and loyalty. They abuse everything you give them, and you will only realize it when they are no longer in your life. Think about that for a second, and remember your well being is important surround yourself with people who uplift you and bring positivity into your life. Yeah, that's that's pretty deep, and it's it takes work to figure out what people, what impact they're having on you, and whether that's even good for you, good for your heart. Those are all traits of a of narcissistic personality disorder. Those are all, those are all the narcissist traits, right? They, they, they only want what they can get from you. They want you to do well, but not better than them. They make that. They make any. Success is about the comparison to themselves. They're abusive, they're gaslighting all of those things, and you have to be aware of that, because you may love somebody, you may you may really care about somebody, but if they are a narcissist or exhibiting those traits that Peterson just just put out there, that love is in the long run, it's, it's just going to cause you stress, and you have to, you have to be able to identify that. You have to be able to identify that, that what they're doing is manipulative. And then you may not be able to get them out of your life, right? You may, you may not be able to get them out of your life, but you have to. You. You have to acknowledge it, and in acknowledging it, that does 90% of the work, right? You're just aware that this kind of stuff is happening, and you distance yourself from them so that you're not getting your rewards from their attention. I find how they win. I found it interesting that the complainer was in there, oh yeah, you know, because the other ones, it's like, oh, yeah, I know. I should get rid of this, and I should not tolerate this. And this is this, as you mentioned. This is, this is gaslighting, but, but when you think you, we can all probably think of, I'm thinking of, I want somebody from you. I think of somebody from me. And I've actually been the chronic complainer before, when I was going through cancer and drinking too much, and just because I thought I had a license to complain, but, but, but anyway, it's that that's important. That's just as important as not. Is not because that because it really does drag you down. It really does the complainer is, is mean. Again, we've mentioned people in our own lives that are that are like that, and it just at a certain point it becomes I can feel the stress in me. It becomes exhausting. I was just literally before we started the broadcast, I was getting a text message from a friend of mine who is quitting our soccer league board. Oh, for this exact reason, he is so tired of not of this stress that is caused by people complaining to him about things that are not supposed to be happening and that he's already put the procedures in place, but people are still complaining to him he can't handle the stress anymore. He's like, I can't do this anymore. I got to stop. And what do you do if you just use, you know, your life as an as an example? Yeah, Gib is a soccer referee, and he's at the level where he's actually teaching other referees and and, you know, running the show and talking about hundreds and hundreds of kids and 1000s, really, of parents and grandparents and so after a weekend of this and maybe coaching even six games in one day, how do you deal with your heart? How do you deal with the complaining that comes off that field? Martini. Go ahead. I go ahead. I have to. So I would say I have a hard I have an easier time with refereeing, just because it's my call. I know what the laws are and the laws the game, and I'm able to kind of navigated. If parents are really, really complaining, I've gotten to, I've gotten to a level where I show my cards, which are the red and the yellow cards, in order to keep, to keep the coaches in line, and I make the sideline the coach's responsibility. So I have techniques to manage the game where I have the hardest time is actually when I'm coaching baseball and my team's making a lot of mistakes. And I have a couple parents on my team right now who are who are really negative towards their own kid, and and they yell at the whole team. And I so I try, you know, I try to expect greatness and expect good things from the kids, and tell them, you know, tell them what the right thing to do is, and I don't let them not own their mistakes. But then I always switch to positivity. I always say, here's what we did wrong, here's what we need to work on, and then here's what we did well today. And you know, some of these parents like you don't, you shouldn't be given them. We do. I do helmet stickers after a game, where I give them stickers for the things that they did well, and they put them on their helmets. You see college football teams do this too. You know, you look at the Ohio State and like, the defensive backs all have like, 1000 Buckeye stickers on there. I used to get those. My piano teacher used to give me a little sticker. Yes, I never got it's not true, your professional family, but so I, you know, like, I can't believe you're giving out helmet stickers. You should be making them run laps. Oh, I remember that was there for that. Yeah. So, so actually, I am internalizing so much of that more because I feel more responsibility for the kids development as a coach than I do as a referee. And then, you know, so I'll often, like, I'll often take a second after I get home and kind of separate myself from my wife and kids for a second, just kind of take a breath and I remind myself, like, hey, what? What am I doing here? I'm trying to, I'm trying to make these, what are my goals? My goal is, I don't care if I win a little league minor championship, right? We're still in the minors with my with my son, I care that these kids really like playing baseball, and winning helps to help, helps to like baseball. So I get that, but my goal is not really to win the championship. My goal is that these kids will like baseball and grow in their in their ability. And so I remind myself of my priority. These are. And then sometimes I'll sit down my wife and we'll go because she's a very good coach, and I'll go over like, what you know, what went well with, what didn't go well, and just remind myself that, hey, I actually want, I want these kids to walk out encouraged and feeling like they're making progress. I want them to make progress. That's more important than them hating themselves and feeling shame because they made mistakes. Now that doesn't mean you ignore mistakes, but it does mean that, like, Hey, I remind myself, this is what my priority matrix is. This is, these are the things that are important to me as a coach and and that that recapitulation for myself of what why I do this is helpful for me to shed the people who may, may or may not necessarily get that vision. Yeah, and the end there, you know, there's a there's a book that gives us the road map for for how to guard our hearts, and it happens to be the Bible and so how to avoid the paths of Bible says the wicked. So the person you're dealing with might not be wicked, but what they're doing, likely is so proverbs 414, through 19, emphasizes avoiding the paths and company of the wicked as their ways lead to darkness and destruction, separation from immorality. First, Corinthians five instructs believers not to associate with those who are sexually immoral, greedy, idolaters or slanderers, even to the point of not even eating with them and then seeking the the righteous proverbs 16 suggests that good people stay away from evil and protect their lives by watching their their actions. And there's also in Proverbs 23 I believe it's above all, above all things, guard your heart, and that's what we're talking about, right? Is? Is okay so healing workshop, recovering, fighting, fighting, stick, sickness, adding years to to your life. Stress, the stress of relationships can bring, can just take you right out, yeah, yeah. It's also acknowledging that the stress of relationships is something that is entirely happening between your ears, right? Like there are realities to the stress of relationships. I'm not taking away from the fact that, oh my gosh, I'm worried about this thing that might happen. But when you spend time worrying about things that might happen, when you spend time going over what could be said, or what you know, what, you either have to say the thing to clear your conscience, or you have to let it go. Those are your two options, and everything in between is just you internalizing stress. And so you know, talking about avoiding people who are who are wicked, that's not always possible if you feel like a close family member is wicked. And I don't you know you don't want to other. You don't make that person you can't remove that person from your life, because it's an important relationship, but you end up spending so much time going, oh my gosh, if I say this, they're gonna, they're gonna run away. If I don't say this, you know, they're gonna, I'm leaving stuff on the you just gotta decide you're gonna say it, or you are you not gonna say it. And the more time you spend ruminating about it and feeling frustrated, the the that you're doing that to yourself, you're creating inflammation in yourself. Yeah, good. Gib, good. Really, good. There's also the and, but technique that I've been taught before in in therapy, and that's where it's like, if so, if I was to do it, I'd say, oh my gosh, my wife is, is this crazy Italian that sometimes just, you know, erupts because she's so she's so passionate what? And she's the most amazing caregiver, and she helped save my life. You know, it's, it's, if you have, if you put the butt in there, then, then you're just, you're putting too much weight on the on the other one. So you can use that, that technique. Now, Mel Robbins is a, usually, is a productivity coach, and she has studied this for four years and very successful online and hundreds of speaking engagements all over the world. And she has come up with this technique for dealing with, with people and with, not only with family members, but even with with with coworkers and in business. And she calls it the let them technique. I'm not sure if you've seen I hadn't seen it before, but take a listen to this and see what you think. Anytime you feel annoyed or stressed out or hurt or worried or bothered by or worked up about something going on, you just say the two words, let them, and when you say those two words, let them, you're going to immediately feel this kind of drop in your shoulders, and then you're going to feel this release and detachment, and you also feel this sense of superiority, because When you say let them, whether it's let them do construction on a Monday morning and backup traffic, let them not staff the grocery store properly and force me to stand in this line here. Let my mother be in a bad mood. Let them not give me that business deal. Let AI take over the world when you say, let them do. You are recognizing that I can't control this. It's already happening, and so I'm kind of going to allow it without allowing it, because I see what's happening. Let's not take this as as gospel, until we ask you what you think. Oh, I mean, this is the Serenity Prayer. It's a, it's a way, it's a, it's a shorthand for you to deal with this friend, any prayer. So this friend, any prayer, for those of you that have never been addicted to anything is grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference so that this that's that's the first part of serenity prayer. That is when you say, let them you are talking about accepting the parts of of the world that you cannot change. There are things about the people in your life that you will not be able to change, and this is what I'm saying. You have to decide what you're, what you have, what you have the stomach for, and you need to decide what you need to let go. And you decide it quickly, because the more time you spend ruminating about it, the worse it's going to be for you. It's not going to have a bigger impact on them. It's not going to have a bigger change around you. It's just going to be worse for you. So to her point, it does not mean that you have to accept the final outcome of what those things are. It does not mean that you have to accept failure or that things are outside of your control. You just have to accept the things that are outside of your control, and then you have to decide how you're going to react to it. This is it goes back to stoicism. This goes back to this idea that what is is, and now your reaction to it is the thing that you Right, right, right, right, that's that's deep, so conflict. Let's, let's talk about, about conflict and and listening, and how to have a conversation where the person that you're talking to could be a family member, could be a spouse, could be a kid. How do you how do you get through that conflict in a conversation where where both sides know they're listening to each other? Here's Jordan Peterson, again, the psychologist Roger said, Look, if you're having an argument with someone, this really works. If it's someone close to you, it's like you having this bitter argument. You have your say, then I'm going to say what you told me, but you have to agree that I got it right, right, and then, and then the reverse. I get to have my peace, and then you get to say what I said, But you have to formulate my argument back to me in a manner that I agree with. And one of the things Rogers pointed out is, if you do that, the arguments tend to become productive. So that's a love. That's a lovely technique. It really does work. I think Gary Smalley called that drive through therapy. Yes, yeah. One person gives the order and the other person is the drive through attendant who has to read the order back. Yeah. That's the metaphor of what your what your emotional reality is, right? And you always feel better when the when the server, who's at your table, instead of just running off, reads there or on the phone with your Okay, so this is what you ordered, yeah? And then you say, Okay, so the two of us are good, yeah, right. And it, first of all, this, this goes back to a thing that I think is really important. You don't understand your own argument unless you fully understand the opposition's argument. And this is like 90% of what you learn in law school, right is, how does how to fully understand both your own argument and then also formulate the opposing argument? They make people switch sides constantly during during mock trials and debates, because you don't again, you don't understand the case if you don't understand both sides and in interpersonal relationships, what happens is we dig our heels in, and we think the other person is being irrational. But everybody has irrational moments. But for the most part, we are governed by a certain innate rationality, unless you're an actual sociopath, and that is exceedingly rare. We don't realize how actually rare that is. So unless you're an actual sociopath. There is an inherent logic to what the person in your life is saying and doing, and that's why, you know, we talk about the five people you should cut out of your life. The reason why you want to cut those people out of your life is because that's narcissistic personality traits. Those are things that actually are sociopathic. When you, if you, if you can acknowledge that you're going to cut those people out of your lives, the people that are left have an inherent logic, so you need to deal with them and fully understand what their argument is so that you can move forward and what, what Peterson points out there, and what we call drive through therapy is is a great tool to get you to that place. Yeah, I remember when, well, I got a couple of books that I've I've read, including Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Successful People and highly successful families all the way through. He took it all the way through is, is understanding the paradigm shift and and before you overreact to to somebody, whether it's whether it's an acquaintance or a business person or whatever, consider before you pick up the phone, before you start texting or email, consider what it is, where they may be coming from. And I have to do this all the time, because we in the world that we live in, we just, we're just in and out of just lately, especially, we're in and out of contract. All the time, and so and Gib knows that because of, because of just the first one that I am, I take a lot of stuff personally, and we want to be very involved in especially when you're negotiating with music or radio show stuff or whatever. And so I'm always reminding myself somebody else gave me this tip years ago. Is, was assume goodness. You know, assume goodness. Assume Don't, don't read, don't read. What they just send you with, with, with, in the mood that you're in right now. And you know is assume Goodness. Goodness first, it might not be, you might discover later that there's wickedness going on. But we have to start by assuming goodness. Yeah, there's also something called handling razor. Everybody knows Occam's razor. Which is, these are, these are logical razors. So lock them. Razor is all things being equal. The simplest answer is the most halens Razor is never attribute to malice. What can be more easily attributed to incompetence? So sometimes we think that people are doing things to be mean, when they may just not know better. It may just be stupid, yeah, or, you know, or they just may have made a mistake, versus they're actually trying to to, you know, to pull one over on you or hurt you. There are people in our lives who always assume that people are trying to hurt them and then, and then, that creates additional conflict. But I mean to get specific about what you're talking about. I won't get as specific as I will, for to violate an NDA. But you know, negotiating the rights to a to a piece of music, the person, a lawyer, doing his job, which is to get the best deal for his for his client, was saying things about not necessarily wanting to use this piece of music for a certain for certain thing. And mentally, we all knew in the call that this was a negotiating tactic. But when you're an artist, it's hard to it's hard to protect yourself from that feeling of what the person is saying. This is why we were just talking about this before we started the broadcast. This is why in in the entertainment industry, we have agents and stuff like that, so that you can the rejection is not given directly to the artist. It's given to the agent, who then can use that can use that and negotiate on your behalf. So you don't have to hear that back and forth, which can be incredibly hurtful to somebody who puts their heart out there and and so, you know, it turned out not to be true. It turned out to be very obviously a negotiating tactic. And I keep reminding him, like, take that in, that it's how much that was like, let the positive side of that hits your heart as much as the negative side of that hit your heart. And that's an important thing when you know, when you're trying to, when you're dealing with relationships, we tend to take the negative things that people do, and we allow that to have a 10x effect on our heart, and the positive effects that people do have like have a 1x right? So we need to, we need to start giving them equal weight. We need to start understanding where people are coming from better, and that will lead to healthier relationships. There's also something in business, and we can apply it to life as well to relationships, something called deal fatigue, and that is where you're going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, and you just, you, you, if you're up against an adversary, who's, who's who's done this, you know, more times than you then you do you, you eventually give in on stuff that you didn't really want to give in on. My wife buying cars, really, hey, the one thing we don't want to do is get that car, that price, got it, and then you were there for four hours, and we end up walking out with that car for that well, deal fatigue with me is arguing with my Italian wife, and I just, I just cannot Outlast her, you know? And so that's another thing. Is just, you know, is, is, is picking your battles, but, but understand that deal fatigue is real. 33 years this year, you guys have been married. I know I think you gave, got it gave into deal fatigue like 32 years ago. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, my, my, my wife is tough and she's my best friend. You got tied for best friends. Yeah? So, I don't know where you always the deal fatigue is understanding that you may need to take a break. Yes, you know, yeah, that's, that's, that's really a big deal. It's going back to your to your wife, too. Is that you're talking about, about, about people complaining, right? And people getting angry at you or whatever, on the on the field, where you know lots. But believe it or not, parents who come to these to these matches, soccer or baseball, many of them have been drinking. Oh yeah, I can smell it on them. I can they come over, start complaining, like, alcohol, yeah, absolutely. That smells incredible. Oh, right, yeah, okay, hey, I'm going to my kids. I'm driving my kid to the baseball game. Why don't I just start drinking? Okay, maybe they walked, maybe Uber. Yeah, sounds like there's a series in here. You should write it. Maybe already done. Oh, and, okay, so. It does transition to friendship and I love his next piece it's and it's Jordan, Peterson again, but I love his next piece because I have I have a I have a couple of friends who I went to college with, and we we don't always talk and we may it may be six months it may be a year maybe two years there we have, we haven't talked and and then all of a sudden we'll just start talking on, start texting each other or whatever, and not once have any of the three of us gone. How come you didn't return my How come you haven't called me? How come you get it? But that I can think of the friends or or the acquaintances whatever that have done that to me and say, you know you never you know this. Never returned my call or the or whatever, and I did just, they're just not my friends anymore, because you just, you just don't need that. I mean, you, you want to be responsible as a friend, but you really just don't need that. You assume the best in people right? So here, here's Peterson talking about, how can we tell that we have a true friend? So be thinking, if you're if your friends have these characteristics these traits here's how you know that you have a true friend. There's a simple way to know if you've got a true friend in your corner Isabella Lundy said a best true friendship withstands time distance and silence If you've got these three things, you got to ride or die. Number one, a true friend is a friend for life. You both grow, evolve, hit different stages, but you still rock with each other through it all. It's not about always being on the same wave. It's about respecting each other's journey. Number two, you don't got to be in the same place. Real friends, they support you, even from a distance, maybe you move away. Maybe they start chasing different dreams, and that's all good. You want them to win just as much as you want to win yourself. And number three, probably the most important one, you don't need to be talking every day. Sometimes you'll go weeks, months without chopping it up, but when you do, it's like you never missed a beat. That's how you know it's real. If you got you know, I was thinking about you when I when I first saw this video, this this morning, and I was thinking, it's very interesting, the way you're living your life right now, because you have different text changes chains with different people at different at different levels, in your different times in your life, right? Yes, can you describe that for Okay, so Well, first and foremost, I mean the relationship you describe your college buddies I have with the with the boys that I like a lot of the guys that I went to high school with, I was friends with from kindergarten all the way through my senior high school, and we have that kind of relationship that that that transcends time. It transcends distance. It transcends silence. Somebody won't, won't talk in one of the group chats for you know, six months, and then they come back. It doesn't, it doesn't matter to that group in in that in that group of friends, we have like, five different group chats, but each one has a different permutation of the same, like 15 people. So I've got one that's just the guys that really like the Dodgers, and we talk about LA sports in general. And I got one that's like the big group of guys that we grew up together, and we were chatting all pretty consistently, but a little bit less consistent. I got one that's a group of dads who whose kids are in sports, and then one that's a group of people who have pelotons. We just, we just go between, I go between, you it's the same group of guys, but it's, you know, it's, it's like these, these seven and all 15 here, and then these three, and then these four. And that, that movement, it keeps us connected over all these different things. I mean, again, we all went to different colleges we all do different careers some doctors, some mortgage bankers, people that work in entertainment people work in tech and we do, but we stay, we stay connected through, through this, through this, you know, this web and it is, it's a beautiful thing. It's they are some of the closest people in my lives, even if we don't talk every single day. Have you ever had to kick anybody out of a Text group? Okay, we did. I think we've mentioned this before. We did my sport you're done on the radio, my Sports Group has kicked guys out for having the wrong attitude about the team they don't think the team is any good this year or something. Yeah, so, so we have these, like, very specific rules about what you're allowed to criticize, and they're unwritten rules. This is silly, but this, again, this is the kind of nuance of friendship. So one guy, we brought him in for the playoffs of the Dodgers in the playoffs, and he was saying too many negative things during the game, and so we so we got to get that attitude out of here. It's not positive enough. So we kicked him out for the rest of the playoffs. So we're only the supportive people were there during the stressful time of the Dodgers playoffs. No, okay, I got it. I got it all right. Chrissy, we're we're done with our rapid fire healing workshop here. Do we have any Do we have any questions that anybody send us any questions? Yep, I've got a question for you. I. Yeah, it's kind of related to what you guys are talking about, but a little bit more faith focused. Wondering if there's scripture or Bible passage that either of you lean towards when you are feeling unbelief or feeling disconnected from God. Ooh, what do you think I would say? You know, it's tattooed on all of us, but Mark 1123, which is a reminder of the power of faith, right? You know, whoever, whoever says to a mountain, or whoever says to a mountain that should be cast in the sea, and believes in his heart that it will be so, it will it will be So, right? That idea that that if you fully believe in something, it will, it will, it will go your way, and that that requires a lot of recapitulation. So that's again, that's why it's tattooed on us. That's why we It's why we talk about it all the time. I also find, I find the story of David and I find the story of Job to both be ironic, Joe ironically, but to be incredibly supportive of those feelings of lack of faith. You know, it's that. It's they both remind me of the of the footprints poster. If you guys remember that it was really popular 90s, sure, people put in their bathroom. It's like you at the end of your life, you look back on your life as two sets of footprint on the beach, and you say to Jesus, well, you know, what are those two sets of footprints? He goes, Oh, those are the times I was walking with you. And then you look and you say, Well, why are the times when it was the hardest there is there only one set of footprints? Why would you abandon me? So I didn't abandon you. I didn't abandon you. I was carrying you. So great. And so, you know, it that that those, it's it got cheesy that have seen that poster in everybody's bathroom for a while, but the the idea of what Job went through, and how he wrestled with God, and what David goes through, and his inadequacies and how He is not worthy of the mantle that was put on his shoulders. Those remind me of the footprints poem and why and when I am feeling low, those are the stories that that that work for me and also understanding what what Barry Bennett from Charis Bible has to say about about the true, the true nature of God. And so here's we need to know the nature of God. First of all, what is God's nature? God's nature is life. Jesus says, I come that they might have life. John, 1010, and that they might have it more abundantly. The very nature of God is life. The very nature of God is health, darkness and death and sickness. Cannot dwell in His presence. His very nature is life and health. So when we begin to approach the subject of healing, we have to realize that his nature is life. We have to know what his nature is. His nature is not punishment, his nature is not sickness, his nature is not tragedy. His nature is not taking things from you. His nature is to add things to you. Seek first the Kingdom, and things will be not subtracted, but added to your life. The nature of God is abundance. Every good gift and every perfect gift comes down from the Father of lies, with whom there is no variableness nor shadow of churning. That's the nature of God. We need to be sure of that in our hearts. What is his nature? And understanding the true nature of God, as Barry has said, is a way to banish unbelief. Don't understand that, that those gifts are there, that God has placed those gifts in your heart. And when Jesus went and took our sins, that was, that was another gift. And so why wouldn't we believe? Right? Right? Yeah, right, right. I mean, I just, I was just in I find that being in nature, being in the wild is also incredibly you just came from Zion. I was just going to bring that up, yeah, I just came from Zion National Park, and wandering around there with my with my family, and woke up every day with these cathedral like cliffs on either side. It was like walking through God's own cathedral, like texting him, saying that. And, yeah, it was a, it was a stark reminder of just how all of creation points to to that connection with God. And I that for me, that's one of the things that works getting into for you, it's getting it's staring at the ocean. I like to get into the ocean. I like to go on on mountain hikes. And that that works for me. Okay, anything else? Chrissy, yeah, there's a question from somebody who said Johnny mentioned a few calls back something about the power of nostalgia. Do remind us how you would use that? I was trying to take notes, and I've lost them somewhere. So recapitulation on nostalgia. Yeah, yeah. Nostalgia is, well, it's, it's, it's back to, you know, remembrance, remembering that when I, when I, when I when I have a hard time and when I'm when I'm suffering or I'm afraid of, of what, of, of how I'm going to get through something. And this happens in relationships too. If my wife and I are arguing, and we're having it, we're having a difference of opinion. And, of course, everybody argues differently, you know, and, and I'm in it, and, you know, I remember when, when, when we were first married, every time we had an argument, I just felt like, well, this is over, you know, and, and, and, because, when I was, when I was a kid, my parents never argued. They just, they would, they would, they put up strongholds, both of them. And so I could, I could tell that something was wrong right, because my dad was power watering the grass, and my mom was powering making fried chicken. You know, hey, you had a beautiful yard and a delicious dinner. So every time I had so every time the yard, yeah, we're the best yard in town. Really, did everybody gain 15 pounds? Exactly? That's how you could tell what's going on in my in my house. Also, it may have been Ken's cigarette hanging out of his mouth and the high ball of Scotch that was. But, yeah, so. So my my problem was that then I became co dependent, because I was like, is it is, you know, is this? Is this my fault? So I brought that into into my relationship. But in the end, Gib just mentioned, we just celebrated 33 years of marriage County, and I, but, but I but looking, I can go back and look at the times, in fact, I wrote about in my book, I can go back and look at the times when we had a disagreement that I really, really thought meant it was, it was, in fact, if I would just tell you when, when we were dating, right? And we only dated for six months before we were married, but when, when, when Connie and I were dating, I remember there was, there was a an argument that we had, and, and I said, I said, Well, do you want me to leave? And, and she says, Is that, is that your solution to a disagreement we're having? You're going to leave. That's what you want to do as a man. And I'm like, okay, so I was, I was pretty much done there, but I realized that that's what my dad did is that when he went, when there was a problem, he never really addressed it. He just, he just got in the car or whatever. And sometimes you need to separate. But so the nostalgia that I have in my relationship is so powerful that I understand now, if I look back at that, it gives me, it gives me the power to relax and to see where I am in this and we don't argue all the time. I'm sort of painting a horrible picture here. But we, we don't wait, and we spend, and Gib spent, spends a lot of that. So we spent 24 hours together, Connie and I, because we work together. We live in we work in this house, travel together. We go with the grandkids together, and all of us, we figured out how to, you know how to do that. And it's, in fact, when I leave and go on on tour, somebody like, well, where's Connie? It's tricky. Check out each other. Exactly. Yeah, Gib, you there, but, but, but also nostalgia for we you. There's a book called the Rule of 10 years old. I've mentioned this. It's actually in the secret stands for prayers course, where we talk about how to find your purpose in life, and you look at the halcyon days of your youth, when you were 10 years old, what were you doing? What? Because a lot of what you were doing time was passing by, and you didn't even know what time it was, and then the street lights came on and you had to go home. Maybe it was playing stick ball, or, like I watch his son, who will make a baseball out of potatoes, you know, because he's just, it's always thinking about all the time is baseball. So you can see that he's either going to be a baseball player or or he's going to be, you know, a sports agent or something like that. You know, if you look back at me at 10 years old, look at the nostalgia of my life. Then I was, I was making stuff. I was making little movies with the eight millimeter camera. I was had a Mr. Microphone and and I was, I was playing piano tunes in a rock band. So you can, you can look back at that if you start losing yourself. That's That's why nostalgia, I think, is is so valuable, because you can use it as a tool to to see when, when you've accomplished things that were hard for you when you got through hard times and and to look at the at the real you at 10 years old. Yeah, yeah. It can shed a light. It can shed light on what's really important to you. You know you you're talking. We talked earlier in the in this show today about about the importance of looking back, right, of learning what your where your habits come from, and where you've where you've grown, and how beneficial that is. And there's a big part of what he just described in looking at the bad habits that he picked up from from his family of origin, right, the the the negative reaction to conflict, or the or the dissociative reaction. In the conflict and how he internalized that, and so acknowledging that, and this is like is where you know cognitive behavioral therapy and talk therapy really are helpful. Acknowledging that helps him overcome and change that part of him. And then you know, nostalgia also can shed light on what's the most important, and can remind you of what will be important in the future for what's happening today will be important for the future, and it reminds me of that, that thing where so many of us would give almost anything to get into a time machine and make a change to our younger selves, but so few of us are willing to make a change today to the benefit of our future selves. And nostalgia is a tool you can use to reframe what you're doing today for the future nostalgia, which I believe is a is a rock album. And important safety tip to enjoy the feeling of the nostalgia, right? But you're only going to, likely, only going to remember the good times, enjoy the feeling of nostalgia. Be careful not to, not to act on something that would take you out of your relationship, or what have you quit your job on without, without thinking about it, yeah, don't get back. Don't leave your spouse for that high school sweetheart to message you on Facebook, which we reported on happens and grotesque amount. Yeah, yeah. Just, you know, resist that urge and also understanding that that that when nostalgia for most of us usually happens, when we when, when we see Andy of Mayberry on TV accidentally, or we hear Elton John's my song, or if I was a sculptor, there it is. But then again, no, yeah, so it's, it's, it's, it's a wonderful way to just sort of look back at you, at your life. And then the third part of this is, is, don't engage in sin consciousness. It's Jesus went to the cross to to take our sins, not to remind us of our sins. And so there are things that have happened in our lives that we wish hadn't happened, or we hadn't acted on, or whatever, and and when a lot of folks should never get out of that, they just have, they have what's called sin consciousness, and they'll wake up in the middle of night and just keep thinking about it, and that's where you want to activate Second Corinthians, 10, five, which is, you know, capturing those thoughts and casting them out to the obedience of Christ. But that's, that's our answer, I think, on the stone, yeah, yeah. Idiots, stop dwelling on the past. How many sci fi how many sci fi movies have been made where somebody invents a drug or a device that allows you to live in a memory, and it becomes so addicting that it ruins the current life of the person that is doing that right? Yep, and yeah. So you need to be wary of that, and however, you need to use nostalgia as a tool, just like your phone not be a tool of nostalgia. Thank you. There's only one random last question. It's a health one. I'm just going to throw it in here, since we have some time, water that is infused with vitamins or minerals, is this hooey? Or what do you guys think of this? I know we've kind of touched on this before. I personally believe that vitamin water is is, is hooey, because I don't, I just don't see how you can get that enough of it in there and then, and then put it on a shelf and have it survive. That's, you know, yeah, function, functional food is what you're talking about, basically, right? I mean, if you're talking about actual vitamin water, actual Gatorade that you go to the store and buy and all that stuff, for the most part, that's sugar water. Sugar is not a vitamin for those of you that are interested, so vitamin water like it tastes great. I have had vitamin water after big workouts. I enjoy it. I'm not this is not a dig on vitamin water, but the idea of vitamin infused water being a net benefit is probably lower than you think I was just talking. I've had this conversation like three times in the last month. For most people, even like, even those electrolyte packets are overkill. If you are, if you are overall healthy, you are you are eating a balanced diet. There are a handful of vitamins that you want to consider taking if you have a deficiency, and then you're going to work with that with your doctor when we talk about vitamin d3 and that kind of thing. But unless you are running, you know, 20 plus kilometers at a, at a at a time, or you are you are exercising in in real heat, you probably electrolytes and water in electrolytes and vitamins in your water are probably just going to get peed out. You're probably not going to absorb it the way that you think you are, and you're definitely overkill. You're not losing enough salt to justify that. Now, if you have some other health condition where you have to supplement that, I'm not telling you to ignore your doctor. I am. Telling you that a lot of the stuff that is marketed for athletes, to the general public population is is not really helpful to most of us. You don't need a power bar if you're running, if you're running 20 kilometers, you might need a power bar to refuel on the on the run, but if you are sitting at a desk, power bar is just nutritionally dense food that's going to make you fatter, really, unless you are, unless you're exercising accordingly. So I think it's who we is the bottom line. Yeah. I mean, there's so much, so many things come to mind, just for experiments that I've done in my in my own life, and so many doctors that I've talked to in my in my journey, and then there's all the interviews that we've done and stuff we've seen from from Peter Attia with a great book, outlive and I mean, if I had to summarize his stuff, it's like, make sure that your magnesium level is is optimum. Make sure that your vitamin D level is optimum. Make sure that the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is is drink at least two glasses of water. And if you can, and it's really worth making the investment, because they're not that expensive anymore. Whatever you want to do, yes, a pedometer or Apple Watch, or whatever, you got to have between seven and 10,000 steps a day, more than vitamin water. Right, right, exactly. And, and then there's the let's just do this again. I've got it here somewhere. Let's, let's, let's do Kristen. Kristen Holmes on, on how, how, how important and crucial it is to in which many people underscore what she says, to find a way to get up at the same time every day. I haven't, I haven't been sick since 2017 I had a little tiny head cold that lasted 48 hours, but since then, I literally have not had a sniffle, a stomach ache. I didn't get COVID like I literally have not been sick. And you know, there, I do a lot of other things well, but that has been the single biggest change, just sleeping and waking up at the same time. That's it. What is your routine now? How do you ensure that happens? The key to that is stabilizing when I wake up, so I keep that consistent, even if I can't go to bed at the same time. I ensure that I wake up at the same time, and that basically sets my circadian rhythm, so I will then feel sleepy at the right time, and I can kind of keep that virtuous cycle going. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, more important. So just tying that into vitamins for a second, we know if it's water soluble vitamins. The reality is, most of us have very expensive urine, meaning that our urine is full of very expensive over the counter vitamins, and if it's fat soluble vitamins, vitamins E and a, I believe those, you have to be very wary of taking too much of because they don't actually come out. So you can have you can disrupt your body process. So you have to make sure that you're actually getting regular blood tests with those fat soluble vitamins. But more important than any of the stuff that you're just going to pee out or you're going to end up hurting yourself with is, is that sleep right? Sleep and exercise, just the baseline of sleep and exercise. And that's, again, what she's talking about there, and we mentioned this on Tuesday, also what she's talking about there, is the fundamental importance of that morning routine, and how that morning routine actually sets you up for the nighttime routine, how that morning routine actually sets you up for the consistency of the sleep schedule. If you're struggling to fall asleep like this is step one. Step one is start getting up at the same time every day and engaging in a morning routine that starts your day off right. If you can start that, well, then the getting tired at the right time starts to fall right into place. If you can start aligning yourself and not sleeping in when you have the opportunity to, but actually getting up at the same time every single day. This doesn't mean you don't live your life. It doesn't mean you don't have those nights where you have a gala or a fundraiser and you end up staying up a little bit later. That's fine. It's the consistency 90% of the time where you're waking up at the same time. I agree. I agree. Okay, all right. Chrissy, you good. All good. That's it. Thanks, guys. That was awesome. Okay, thank you. We'll see you. We'll see you guys next week, and God bless you all. That's it for the show today. Thank you guys so much for listening. If you like what you heard today, please follow up@tesh.com you can also rate comment and subscribe right here on Apple podcast, Spotify, Stitcher, wherever you get your podcast. It helps us out a lot if you do it as usual, if you like to show you have any comments about the show, we try to respond every mention the show, every DM, because we do the show for you guys. So thank you so much for listening. You.