Transformation Tuesday: Quitting Time

On this episode of the podcast we have our Transformation Tuesday webinar.
  
This week, we talked about why people quit their resolutions, how to effectively build habits so they become permanent and how our habits shape our lives.

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John Tesh: Instagram: @johntesh_ifyl facebook.com/JohnTesh
Gib Gerard: Instagram: @GibGerard facebook.com/GibGerard X: @GibGerard

Transcript

Unknown: 0:38

Gib. Hello and welcome to another episode of the podcast. I'm Gib Gerard, and here with us today, we are going to do our transformation Tuesday. This is this week's transformation Tuesday. If you would like to sign up for our transformation Tuesday or our Thursday coaching calls, you can go to tesh.com and sign up. Basically, it's a community where we take everything we've learned from doing intelligence for your life for decades, all of the information research researchers that we have, we have contact with. We bring it to bear. Sometimes we bring on special guest lectures. Sometimes we just grab quotes from some of the experts that we've had on the show before, and we present them to you. So here is, this is this week's transformation Tuesday. It's, it's just John and myself talking about the stuff that makes intelligence for life Great. This one, particular one is about quitting day, which is where we are right now. It is quitting day, meaning this is the week where everybody quits their New Year's resolutions, where they quit their new habits. So if you want to harden yourself, you want to inure yourself to the the the slow trickle back to your old ways, then listen to this. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen, here is transformation Tuesday with me and John Tesh, hello everybody. Good morning and welcome to transformation Tuesday. I'm Gib Gerard alongside none other than John Tesh. Super excited to have you here with me. Yeah, your daughter's got me doing this now. I don't know what the mewing thing the Japanese make that famous. Well, there's this one two, and then there's this one, it's, it's, I can't keep up. I can't keep up. I was watching something the other day, maybe been the Golden Globes or something, and they showed a clip, and there was, oh, was a clip from that, everything, all the time, everything once, everything, everything, everywhere, all at once. Yeah, yeah. Well, no, is that? Is that the one with Leonardo DiCaprio? Oh, no, that's one battle after another, battle after another. So anyways, watching a clip from that, and who's naming these movies? And so he plays a dad, right? And so he was sort of weird with his, you know, very protective of his daughter. And so the daughter gets in the car with her friends, and they're all teenagers, right? And the guy that's dating his daughter says, Your dad is so aggro. What's that aggro means? Gets easily angered to go aggro. I can't remember what the root word is. This is not relatively. This is relatively not new, compared to some of the other stuff, back to Gen Z. It's not specific to Gen Z, because it's a it's a little bit older than just Gen Z, but yeah, aggro means going crazy, like getting really angry easily. Any really big mistake, let's know in the comments below, I made a really big, big mistake once when I was a kid and I I called my dad an anchor mouse. I heard it on your son, I think I heard it on The Mary Tyler Moore Show or something like that, that I didn't sit down for a couple of days. Yeah, that is sit down for a couple of days. Is, yeah, I know where that comes from. That is a very. That is a very. I grew up in the 50s and 60s, right, right? And comment below if this happens, right? Two older sisters, nine years and 11 years older than me. So imagine, you know what, when I'm two, my oldest sister is nine, right? You know. So anyway, if I was in trouble a lot, I was like shooting out stuff with my BB gun. And I don't know what was wrong with me, but there was something, plenty wrong with me, a lot of ADD and all this, that stuff. And so if my dad would say, go to your go to your room and wait for me, you get a whooping, right? Oh, the anticipation is the worst part. It really is. I would sit in my room and and one of my sisters, without fail, would come in and stand in front of me like this, like, oh, you can't touch my my brother. You know, the wrong move, because then we both got spanked. You mind? I have an Italian mother who, for her progress was not great, but progress is she didn't use the spoon or the belt. She just used her hand so that I was I was soft because I only got this the hand. Okay, here we go. Stuff today, right? Yes, it is transformation Tuesday, but it is also quitting time. What do I mean by quitting time? This is the week, this is the week where people are most likely to give up on their New Year's resolutions. We're going to talk a little bit today about why people give up and how to avoid it, and how to begin to actually do the stuff that neuroscientists say will build the habits. Right? The new year's resolutions are all about building new. New, better habits, and often losing bad, difficult habits. So I got some inspirational stuff today and some practical stuff today, but this is about quitting time. This is about quitting time. We're going to start with, we're going to start with, with Mel Robbins, who is fantastic. We've had her on the shows before. Here she is talking about the things that you need to be aware of when you want to change your life and build new habits. Important aspects of changing your life is number one, you got to realize you're always going to need to force yourself, push yourself to do what you don't feel like doing. That's number one. Number two, you're going to have to repeat that over and over and over and over and over again. And finally, when you have a bad day and you stuff a potato chip in your mouth because you feel sad, or you scream at your kids because you get triggered, you must practice self compassion, because the major mistake that I see people making is, number one, they're waiting around to feel like it. And number two, the second, they make one mistake. You chuck all your positive progress out the window, and you go back to the way that you always used to do things. And one of the greatest skills ever is to go, Okay, I didn't do what I said I was going to do. I forgive myself, and today I'm gonna do a little better. Yeah, I have actually finally learned this. I finally learned that I'm going because I over schedule my I used to over schedule myself. And I have finally learned that i Tomorrow is a brand new day, I know. And I used to wait, just like everybody else. I used to wait till the first of the year to start. But you know, if it could always be a Monday or could just be the next day, and I loved it, what she said about forgiving herself, I mean, that works for everything. I will say one thing, though, I am sick and tired of hearing the word triggered. I just can't take it any okay, because in fact, in fact, prima just sent me a message saying I just saw a whole bunch of of of I don't think she meant this to drive me nuts, but maybe. But she said, Oh, I just pull up all these figures, these photos from my photo album. They just kept showing up, and some of them were gay, but some of them triggered me. I don't know. It's like, okay, we wouldn't. You know, it's really funny without any sense of irony whatsoever, you are triggered by the by the word trigger. I almost feel like it gives, it gives you a license, you know, sure, yeah, sure. Well, okay, so we can put those into two categories. One is triggered as an excuse. And we'd say that's not an excuse to behave. We all get triggered by something different things. But triggering as a term is that feeling of of something you had some stimulus where you have a disparate, I mean having children and dealing with this, particularly when they were toddlers, where you have a disproportionate emotional response to the stimulus. That's what triggered me. So you something happened that made you have an emotional reaction that was really to something else, but the catalyzing event, that's what trigger means, right? The catalyzing event is, is, is what is what I mean. So, so for prima, I'm assuming she was looking at old pictures, and there were, there were old boyfriends in the pictures of, like, of her nieces and nephews, and as a result, she's, like, some of the some of the pictures were nice, some of the pictures were triggering. So I'm sure that meant she was having a disproportionate emotional response to the stimulus, right? Yeah, I just think that that it's one of those, Don't you hate it when, like, if you're having an argument with somebody, or even if it's your spouse or whatever, or even your kid, and they just, they're losing the argument, and they go, and they go, whatever, you know, and they it's just, it's, it's dismissive. I of passive aggressiveness. Yeah, and listen, you guys can comment because we're, we're, we're on a zoom call. Let me know my Off, off base here. Because the I just think it's, I think it's a, it's a, to use a 60s phrase. I think it's a cop out, you know, I think you should really, you know, just say, oh, you know, you really triggered me. So now I'm going to sue you. You sue my employer. I get, I get triggered when I come in here. So I can't come in on Thursdays. Bear, bear again. I we're gonna, I want to put into two separate categories, the idea of we wouldn't be having this conversation if 2 million people were watching to my house. Be honest, the expression to be triggered. There's validity to having a disproportionate emotional reaction. How we deal with it, all of that stuff. And I see in the comments that people are having having some reactions to it. Alternatively, there is the I was triggered as an excuse, which is, which is different, right? So we're going to we like we were going to separate those in the context of what we're talking about today works, right? So what I what I would say is, and this is where, and this is where. I think what Mel Robbins was saying is really powerful. Is. That I am a I am a perfect is the enemy of the good person, meaning, I if, if I'm doing a diet plan and I eat the one potato chip, I for the rest of the day, I'm eating garbage because I I'm not perfect anymore. And so if you want to call that triggering, or whatever, that moment where I make the mistake unravels a lot of the work that I've done. And this goes back to that. It's very similar to the the adage from the Chinese proverb that I love so much, which is the best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago? The second best time is today. Okay, you messed up. You weren't perfect. The best time to re to reinvigorate yourself, the best time to recommit is right now. And I see people talking about not wanting to wait for New Year's Day. That's the whole point, Thomas, this is about building the habits that we live with every single day for the for the whole year. What happens is we walk away from it when we are when we feel like we are not perfect anymore. And so you have to have that nurse, I have a observation. I think you brought it up. Excuse me, perfectly. Is it what I'm talking about that makes me crazy? Is, is, you know somebody is, I don't know have they're wearing perfume or something, or whatever it is, you just triggered me, or you used a word that they didn't they didn't like, that's one part of it, but being but, but, but facing the triggers that make you eat more, that's that's really what you're talking about. And I totally that they are different things well or or just knowing that, like you know you have this in your introversion relations, we can use a different term. But if we're trying to get we're trying to eliminate bad habits, and we're trying to we're trying to build good habits, and we're trying to have better relationships. That's why That's and we're that's why we keep coming in here every Tuesday. But you got to know that the person in your life has triggers. Like you know there are things that, no matter how upset you might be about something, if you say a certain set of words with mom, you know that the conversations over, yeah, talk about that. We were in premarital counseling, right? She, she, she made a point talking to the pastor who was also also married. You, saying, saying, I have buttons, and as long as John doesn't push my buttons, we'll be fine. And so you and I both have learned her buttons. I'm sure you've learned your buttons. Yes, yeah, I know my kids, but you control the grandkids. You actually look for the buttons, because you know you have that power. First of all, how dare you? Second of all, second of all, I do enjoy, at times, in a controlled environment, pushing people's buttons in a way where I know I can get out of it, just watch the world burn. I know he comes in, he's home now with a sick kid. He comes into the studio right which is our house, and then right before he leaves, he'll just take a hand grenade, pull the pin, and by saying, just throw it in. And I gotta live with that for the rest of the day, not every day. That's that's something that brings me a lot of joy. And again, let's get back to the topic. It's laughing because it's very true. Okay, so to bring this back, what we're talking about here is this idea that we have, we have these triggers, we have these things that that cause us to reinvest in bad habits. We have these things that cause us to leave the good habits, and they are often disproportionate emotional reaction. So understanding your triggers and then getting getting yourself back on track immediately and giving yourself the grace to get back on track is huge. Also what I like. And I have another video right now from one of my favorite authors that's going to underscore this. This is Jason pargen. Pargen, who has written a whole bunch of books that I really love. One of them got turned into a cult classic movie about 20 years ago, 15 years ago, called John Dies at the End. It's a whole series, but he does these video essays online. And here is one about about how successful people operate. And this is important, because so many of us, we you know, when you're working out, you have these different layers of fuel. You have the glycogen stores in your body, then you have the aerobic respiration, then you have anaerobic respiration and ketosis. And each one of these, your body's always going to find that path of least resistance, and there's multiple fuels. And so this is him talking about the emotional fuel that keeps you going. And he's quoting, he's quoting Arnold Schwarzenegger, who obviously knows, knows a thing or two about motivation and and discipline. Stop using motivation as your only fuel. The only lasting fuel is routine. This was just posted by Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm not going to do the voice, but every successful person I've ever known has lived by this. As he says, my best advice is to stop using motivation as your only fuel. I know it feels great when you're fired up, but it is a short term fuel source. That's why the vast. Majority of people who start anything, Diet, Fitness, new projects don't finish. They run out of gas. The only lasting fuel is routine, and you only get a routine by dragging yourself on the days when you have no motivation, over and over. And then he goes on to say, as you start today, meaning new years with all the motivation in the world, remember this. It won't last. Build a routine. Do it no matter what. When you really can, don't quit or beat yourself up, just do it the next day. Show up over and over. It's the only thing that works. Now there is something he is leaving out here, which is that, in my experience, the only real way to build a routine is with negative emotions. I absolutely get the sense that when Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot work out that he feels anxiety or guilt or shame or self loathing. I mean, think about the routines you have. Imagine if you couldn't brush your teeth for a long time. After a while, your mouth would just start to feel gross, you would start to feel anxious about it, and at various times, arld has absolutely described working out as a kind of addiction, as a type of high he's pursuing, or at least as something he has to do. Other people simply treat everything as a job. They treat the future version of themselves as a boss. They're going to have to answer to a boss who is very harsh and who does not accept excuses. I mean, that's how I got started writing. I was treating it as a job, even though I wasn't getting paid like this is something I have to do. I would feel tremendous distress if I didn't do it. And this is the kind of advice that people don't like to give because it makes it sound unhealthy. And we've wound up in a place in society where we've decided that avoiding negative emotions is the primary goal in life. And here's where I guess I am badly out of step with the culture. I think it is absolutely okay and good and proper to feel awful if you fail to do something that you know you should be doing, and he is absolutely right, the good feelings, the excitement that's all going to go away. And when it does, it's going to be something else that gets you out of bed every time. And that thing is probably going to be fear or shame or something. Wow. That's, that's all of it right there. That's everything, yeah, and I gosh, the root, they're absolutely right. Routine, motivation doesn't work, but routine does, you know, even, even not using exercise. But, you know, Mom and I have established this routine where we don't start our days. I mean, it's just an emergency, okay, fine, but we don't start our days without like, 40 minutes of Bible reading. Connie loves to read it, so she'll read, and I'll follow along, right? And then we have and then we have communion every day, but if, like today, I knew that I had this, and then there was a doctor appointment and all that stuff. So I had to flip things around where I was like, Okay, I'm going, I'm going to going to the gym first, really, I got up at five and went to the gym, and I came back and there wasn't enough time to do Bible study. So I've got this thing that it's like, this upset I'm experiencing, well, like you said, I'm experiencing discomfort, right? Because we've been doing it for so for so long, and I know you're the same way with if you don't feel a pump in your in your muscles, is like, I gotta get that back, because you're so used to that I if I haven't moved my body, and I started look holidays aside, right? If I haven't moved my body, I start to feel that feeling of feeling gross and look negative emotions are gonna happen. I did not anticipate we were gonna talk so much about being triggered. But what you you will be triggered. Buttons will be pushed in your day, in your life in general, you might as well create the context for that in yourself to accomplish the things that you want to accomplish. And look your body right now, your life right now is a picture. It is the embodiment, literally, of your last six months of habits, right? Everything about your life right now is the embodiment of the last six months of habits. What are you doing for the next six months? Are you going to use these tools in order to build the version of yourself that you want to be in six months? So the goal, Thomas is to create a to create those habits year round. We use, we use Monday. We use, we use January 1. We use the first of the month as a as a starting point. But we need to be doing this constantly, ever vigilant and hyper vigilant. You need to get to the place where you feel bad. That's how you know it's a habit. You feel off if you haven't done it for most of human history, people were not brushing their teeth. Not brushing their teeth twice a day. But if you have been doing that for any amount of time, you know that if, if I leave the house and I forgot to brush my teeth that morning, my mouth does feel gross. But for human history, that's not the case. People didn't feel gross when they didn't brush their teeth in the morning. It's something that I have. It's I have a bitch. Weighted in myself. Yeah, one of my favorite philosophers, as you know, is Jordan Peterson, dr, Jordan Peterson, psychologist, philosopher and and he, he really leans into this heart hard. He says because, you know, he, not only does he still see patients, but he, he does these live events. He meets people all the time, and he sees trends, just like we all do, but he sees them from a different perspective as a psychiatrist. And he says, you know, with the way the world is, the way that American society is right now, he said, especially with men, if you just show up every day, you're going to be a winner and present. And I become friends. I go to, you know, I go to this Gold's Gym, right? And, and it was, I remember when I first joined, which is about, I don't know, a month and a half ago. It was, it was, it just started getting really, really crowded. And I said to the managers, I don't know if I want to come here anymore. You know, you guys have over sold the place. Wait, wait three weeks. Yeah, yeah. So tell the story, because there is a, there's actually, and he told me about it, there is a formula where they know that a certain percentage of people are never going to show up again. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's why, I mean, like, that's why we're doing this today, guys, this is quitting week. This is the time when people stop showing up to the gym. It's this week. It's this week in the year. It's the second week of January or third week of January, depending on, you know, when you start your resolution. But for most of resolution. But for most of us, this is the second week of us committing to stuff. This is where people quit, but they don't cancel their gym membership for two reasons. One is the gyms do a really good job of making it almost impossible. And secondly, they still want to buy the promise. They don't want to admit that they haven't been defeated. Now most gyms that they've been defeated, most gyms bake that in to their model, right? We have a capacity for, you know, apparently it never changes. Doesn't never changes this or Equinox, or 24 hour fitness. So if they, if there's enough room for 20 people to work out concurrently, they know one how many people would show up in the day, and how many memberships they have to sell in order for that many people to show up in the day. Now, there are peak hours and lulls, but that equation is almost unchanging too. I also just saw this. It was you know, you and I both consumed so much productivity and encouragement every you know, every day with through YouTube. But I saw a video because I forgot just, I just forgot what I was. I was going to say it was something about, about routine. Anyway, the Oh, I know what it was. It was a, I can't remember who the who the scientist was, but they said that we need to stop consuming and start creating more often, just stop consuming, because we we start to feel like, Oh, I'm accomplishing something because I'm watching this show or watch or even, even more importantly, I'm watching a YouTube video about how to do this, how to be a writer, how to get stronger, right? How to be more productive. And we're watching too much stuff and we're not developing routines, and that's really what you're talking about. Gib, yes, we have to develop the routines. And look, consumption is important. If so, I have friends, they tell me that they're a writer, but then they tell me, Oh, what have you been reading lately? We've been working on lately. And if they can't tell me they've been reading lately, I know or, or if they're a film writer, you know what, which shows they've been watching, or movies they're watching, I know that they're not, they're not really building. I know that. So you do need like I want to clarify. We do need to be in the space that we are trying to occupy. But so many of us never like that. There's that old I think it's attributed to Abraham Lincoln, where, if you had to cut down the tree, what would you if you had three hours to get down a tree? What would you do? I'd spend two hours sharp in the ax and one hour cutting down the tree. There is something to preparation. There is something to understanding the world you're in. But you have to pick up the AX, you have to take swings at the tree. There is no amount of preparation that will that will overcome not doing. So we need to form habits, and hopefully, hopefully, so far in today's in today's talk, we have established that routine is going to beat motivation, that building routines is the key to you changing your life, that the you in six months that you want to see is going to be the product of the habits that you start today. So let's get into something a little bit more practical in how to build some of those habits. Here's James clear, author of the book atomic habits, and talking about four clear steps that you can use clear is the pun, to form a new habit if you want to build a good habit. Roughly speaking, there are four things that you can do. You want to make it obvious, you want to make it attractive, you want to make it easy, and you want to make it satisfying. For example, how can I make meditation more obvious? Maybe you need a meditation pillow and it's in the corner of your bedroom, or it's in the corner of some other room that is the dedicated meditation space. It's obvious where the behavior is going to occur. Make it attractive. For some reason, I think we often choose habits that we feel like we should do if you're not actually interested in the task, even the obvious stuff is going to feel like a hassle. Make it. Easy, rather than doing 15 or 20 minutes or 30 minutes of meditation, which, Hey, that sounds great, because your favorite guru does it, why not just do 60 seconds? If you can master the art of showing up, then you're starting to build the habit. A habit must be established before it can be improved. Final thing is, make it satisfying. Maybe you get to have your favorite type of coffee or your favorite drink after that, or a walk in the woods, or whatever sounds motivating to you. If you feel good about it, you're going to want to repeat it. There it is. It master the art of showing up. There it is. Again. Yeah, yeah. You just have to do it. And in his book, I think it was an atomic habits, he gives the example of building the habit of going to the gym every day and working out every day. And the beginning of that process was literally going to the gym. He just started, like, literally just going to the gym. And even if he didn't have time to work out, or he didn't have the inclination to work out, he wasn't dressed to work out, he would drive to the gym, check in and leave. Now that's ridiculous, but what does it do? It gets you used to the idea of showing up. You showed up to the gym. You're there, you might as well jump on the treadmill for five minutes. You've been on the treadmill, treadmill for five minutes. You might as well pick up a weight and move it around a little bit, and before you know it, you have a habit of working out 3040 minutes a day, up to 60 minutes to 90 minutes a day. You can build that habit with the small step in business. They call that the minimum viable product. Yeah. So you have to create in this new habit, the minimum viable product. What is the, what is the minimum thing that you do to anchor your habit with the smallest amount of pain possible, so that you get used to the pain and then you improve upon it? Yeah? It's good. It's great stuff, you know? And I think that what Gib has proven too with these pieces that he's brought is that there's a wealth of of knowledge, you know, right here. I mean, the social media is one thing do not, do not count. Don't count YouTube or sub stack or medium. Don't, don't. Don't count those as as social media because, because it, there's just so much great information, because, because YouTube has now become, officially become a television channel, right? More people now now watching YouTube on their TV set than they are than they are on their on their phones. And if you're not a subscriber of medium, it's where writers get on there, and they and you can, you can just set your your interests on there, and you'll just be flooded with with great ideas from, from, you know, from writers and people who really have great ideas. Just just bathe in that stuff, you know, Yep, yeah. So create that minimum viable product. Reward yourself. Reward yourself when you are showing up for yourself. Because, again, this process is hard. So hopefully we've committed to the idea that routine is going to beat motivation. Hopefully we've committed to the idea that in order to create motivation, you have to continue to show up for yourself. And don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good, right? Don't let the fact that you didn't go to the gym yesterday stop you from going today. Don't let the fact that you don't have time for an hour and a half gym session. Stop you from doing burpees for five minutes. Stop you from doing body weight squats. Stop you from walking around the block because you can't walk for an hour. Walk around the block. Do the thing show up for yourself, and that consistency is the key to you making it through we are. Look, I want to, I want to get to Huberman. This is a, this is going to be about visualization and how to build a habit through visualization, just one mental exercise of thinking through what are the sequence of steps required in order to perform this habit from start to finish, can shift the likelihood of being able to perform that habit from unlikely or to moderately likely to very likely over time. Simple tool, but very powerful tool, simple tool. All you have to do is visualize what it takes to do, to do the task, to build the habit. What does it look like if you can sit and visualize that, you will begin to start to prime your brain. And this goes back to something we talk about every week, which is priming your unconscious mind for the things that you want to be doing. Yeah, that's great. Hey, I want to remind you guys, too, that, you know this is this transformation Tuesday. It's really just the start for, for what Gib and I, what our what our vision is for, for coaching. And so if you're not a member of the Thursday group, I'm going to have ask Chrissy if she'll put it, put a link into the to the Thursday group, but we're, I think what Gib and I are really headed for in that group. And we don't have a have a complete title yet, but you should think of it as a longevity workshop. There are things that we're going to that we're going to teach and also ask questions. So it's an hour long on Thursday, we're going to be able to answer your questions, and it'll be everything from from how to get a lot of stuff that we touch on in short tidbits here, on, on, on this coaching program. But it'll be things like brain health, how to get a better night's sleep. What are the three foods that are going to burn you down when you're trying to wait, like, lose weight? How to how to fast. And I'm sure you. Can think of even more, Gib, but it's all about extending your life and really less less years in your life. What does my was my oncologist say? Oh, we want to, we want to make sure you have more life in your years. That's what it is, yep, yeah, yeah. To that end, I'm going to leave you with a bit of motivation. Here is a story, or here is Adam Sandler telling a story about him on his come up on his rise as a kid while receiving the Mark Twain honor my older brother, Scott. I shared a bedroom with him my whole childhood, and he was always nice to me. He's always calm with me. And he would just tell me, I'm funny all the time. He'd say I was great on the guitar. Tell me I could sing as good as Steven Tyler when it came time to pick my college major. So my brother was the one who said I should be an actor. I said, What should I do with my life? He said, You should be an actor. You're as funny as Rodney Dangerfield and Eddie Murphy. And I never thought that, but he sort of, he just made me feel like I was. He's the one who brought me to Boston when I was 17 years old. I was a senior in high school, and he brought me to do a stand up comedy at stitches comedy club. He set it all up. He says, you're going to get on stage for you have five minutes to do jokes. What are you going to say? I said, I'm not sure. I'll just wing it, because I really didn't even, I had no idea what the hell. I didn't even know you're supposed to prepare. So I went up there. I was terrible. I didn't, I don't even know what I said. I was like in a fog, those weird fogs you get when you're a stand up sometimes, where you lose your mind. I just kind of was babbling. I remember one guy screaming out, he still has a retainer. And anyways, I left for some reason on the way home, my brother made me feel like I had the best set of any comedian that night. And he's like, you just gotta prepare next time. But they loved you. And in my head, I was like, they they did. But oh my gosh, that's so great. I share that with you. He doesn't finish the whole story there, but I share that with you. And we're out of time here because I want you guys to take with you this week. You need to either be a Scott Sandler for yourself, be the big brother that walked Adam Sandler through his life and led to his hugely successful career. And I am happy to love half of his movies. I think he's I think he's brilliant. Be the Scott Sandler for yourself. Be the Scott Sandler for somebody else, and find a Scott Sandler for yourself. You owe that to yourself. That is the way keep be the helicopter parent, or the we call them, lawnmower parent, that paves the way for your own success. You do that with your habits. You do that with your mindset, but be that version of yourself. Be look at how authentic Adam Sandler was in that moment. You can tell how uncomfortable he is because he was finding a nerve that that he very rarely shows. Also what what I was That's That's great Gib, and what I was reminded of when I was watching that was, we've all, we've all got stories and, and within 10 seconds of watching him tell a story, you could tell that something was was coming. You could tell and so we it's figure out what your story is, the story that you want to create and, and, and understand too, that it's right there in the Bible, the promise from God is that, is that when you believe, you become more than an overcomer, that we can all become overcomers, and we just have to surround ourselves, just like Gib said, with, with, with with, with brothers and sisters and friends and relatives that are going To push us forward and that are going to encourage us and and forget the rest of them. You know, there you go. We just don't need that. All right, everybody. We are out of time. We appreciate you. Thank you for joining us here on Zoom today. We will be doing more stuff on Facebook, but these are going to stay on Zoom, and we will explain more about that in the Facebook group. We appreciate you all, and we will see you guys next week. That's it for the show today. Thank you guys so much for listening. If you like the show, please rate comment and subscribe on Apple podcast. Spotify, wherever you get your podcast. It helps us out a lot. When you do that, we also try to respond to every mention the show, every DM about the show. You can tell us what you think about it, because ultimately, we do the show for you guys. So thank you so much for listening. You