The Relationship You Cannot Escape - Relationship to Self Theories

In this first episode of Relationship to Self Theories, Sirel and Mica explore what it means to build a relationship with yourself, your nervous system, your inner authority, and your capacity to hold life

This conversation opens the door into deeper questions around addiction, disconnection, performance based identity, and the way survival patterns shape how we move through the world.

Together, we explore what it could look like to raise future generations with a stronger relationship to themselves instead of simply teaching them how to fit into systems and expectations.

Because this is not just a conversation about relationships...

It is a conversation about learning how to be human.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Because sister, the minute things would be, I've had relationships where things would be going so great and I would self-sabotage.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 0:33

And then I would jump to like, oh, I'm done. It's over. Because I wanted to be, I didn't, I wasn't gonna allow him to break my heart. Yeah. But I was gonna be the first one.

SPEAKER_04 0:46

Yeah. See, I was complete opposite. I was a clinger. Like I was the one that wanted to make it work no matter what they ever did to me, you know. But it's just, it was cycles. It's what I watched, you know, growing up some. And so I I thought I needed a man in my life. So I put up with a lot of abuse and a lot of things that I should have never put up with. But it there again, it was that was how I saw myself. I didn't know my worth at all. I didn't have a relationship with myself. So I allowed myself to go through things. I would never allow myself to go through something like that now. Yeah. Never allow myself to even be taught too ugly by a man, a woman, anyone, you know, because I have a true love for myself. And I know that I deserve respect and love and things on a very good and positive basis. And, you know, I'm finally living that life kind of on autopilot, where I lived for 40 years in such a negative space and such reactive space with no regulation.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

I I really love this because again, it's relationship to self. Yes, yes, it's relationship to self. And I think sometimes people see that and it's inspiring to them, and they're they want to get to know you. And they want to like, you know, it's like a it's like an earnst. It's or earnst. That's not a word, but what's the word? Like earnest.

SPEAKER_04 2:27

Yeah, I know what you mean. I know what you're trying to do. Like a want, a want to, like a longing, kind of, but a long yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:36

Yeah, it's like they want it. And and it's so crazy because you know, for years I feel like I heard so many times, you know, just it's within you, it's within you. And it's like, where the fuck is this? Like, where where do I find it? How do I touch it, right? Because your mind, like, yeah, yeah, your mind wants to make logic of it, right? And so now it just makes total sense. It's like, oh, it's the relationship with myself. There it is.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

There it is.

SPEAKER_03 3:12

There I there I am.

SPEAKER_04 3:14

And it gives you such capacity within your nervous system when you have that relationship with yourself, you know, and you're taking care of yourself in better ways. That's how I was finally able to put the vape down that I've been trying to do for a year and a half was bottom line, my relationship to myself. I finally love myself enough that I'm not gonna keep, you know, putting those chemicals into my body and into my chest and my throat. And I just started really somatically feeling it while it was going in me and just anyway, turned turned it all around for me and and with taking care of myself in those kind of ways.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:56

Because once you build a relationship with yourself, you do want to take care of yourself in better ways, you know. That my skincare line that I that I did last year was all about nourishing your nervous system and loving on yourself, like literally, you know, slowing down with the skincare, you know, applying it to your face, making it a slow process, putting lotion on your legs and thanking your legs, and you know, thanking your body for for being with you and holding you throughout the day. And I think that people really don't realize how important that is and how much a difference it can make, you know, talking to your body. Then your nervous system hears you, and so you're constantly letting yourself know how loved and nourished you are, you know. And then just to know that you don't need anybody else, you know, you can get through, you can you can have other people and you can have the connection. And the connection is great, and you know that I love connection, but at the end of the day, I can also handle everything that I need to handle on my own. I don't have to have, you know, someone else help me work through my problems or anything else because I just have the capacity to do it for myself, and I think that that's important.

SPEAKER_03 5:14

Absolutely. That is so good. That is so good because the brain believes everything you tell it, whether it's a truth or a lie, right? So when we talk about, you know, what how we speak to ourselves, it is everything thinking. Your body, I think, is the most magical tool because it is the only thing that has never abandoned you. If you are alive, your body has never abandoned you, it supports you, it it is you, it is your being. And how when we think about that, how how forced are we to want to thank other people, right? We want to thank them, but also we want to thank them to receive. We want to thank them to be like, hey, like, receive me, yes, right? But what about you? Like, look in the damn mirror and thank yourself for bringing you hug yourself, love yourself, and so this is beautiful. Um, so welcome to It's a Surreal Life, and we are in the series of relationship, and on this episode, we're going to dive into relationship to self, however, we're going to bridge the reactive relationship that we have with others. And I I love that you mentioned this at the beginning because a lot of times we we rush into relationship with others seeking and wanting that return, the reciprocity, the the the worth to be seen, all those things. However, if you don't have the capacity and relationship within yourself, your own fire is is dim, isn't lit, is constantly going out, and you're trying to light your fire by being around other people, it'll never sustain. It it will always the fire will always go out because it always starts with you. Y-O-Y. And you are the universe, which is the most beautiful thing of it all. So, okay, well, let's just give a little bit of an intro because I know that you know we did a few episodes on the nervous system, and now we're bridging into relationship, and this is everything. Because now people are gonna have some connections between nervous system and relationship, and those tie together. That is your whole lifeline, no matter what. So, do you want to give just like a brief little introduction where you're at in your present life, a little bit about you, and then thank you for for coming back. I'm so grateful for our I'm so grateful for our friendship, you know, because it did start out, talk about relationship. It did start out, you know, just on social media. We didn't really know anything about each other, but we did attract each other and we trusted. However, I don't believe if we didn't have full trust and confidence and relationship within ourselves, you know, like is something like this that doesn't have tangible value, it has reciprocity in in, you know, in this kind of exchange. Would we been, you know, you ever think about that?

SPEAKER_04 8:47

Yeah, I do. And and probably not. I've said that a lot this week, actually, that people can only meet you at the level that they've met themselves. You know, we can only show up for people the way we can show up for ourselves. And for a lot of people, that's not very good because we don't love and take care of ourselves, you know. But yeah, my name is Micah Louise, and I am a trauma-informed somatic and Reiki practitioner. I have been at this for a few years, back and forth, doing it online, and now I'm opening an in-person space. My experience comes from lived trauma and lived like my lived experience. I've you know done some classes and learned a lot of things as well, but it mainly comes from my own trauma. Have been involved in four domestic violence relationships until the last one almost took my life. So in 2021, I had what I thought was a mental breakdown, but it was a spiritual awakening, and that has just sent me on my healing journey and led me here today, where now I help other women come back into their bodies and build a relationship with themselves and their nervous system and find that safety so that they can live a more joyful life.

unknown 10:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:09

And I'm excited to be here. I love our I love our connection and how it did, you know, how it did unfold. And we probably wouldn't have had the capacity to do that if we didn't trust in ourselves. We wouldn't have been able to trust in each other for this process. So I love that.

SPEAKER_03 10:30

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. It's an honor to be in reciprocity and friendship, and friendship with you because I do. I feel the exact same way. And I love that we just follow the energy. And I think that's the one thing I love about this platform and and even how this podcast, you know, is being being guided is the energy isn't is the lead. There's no strategy, there's no like we have to do this and we have to do that. Like the energy just flows. And because of that, yeah, and because of that, it's effortless. And that's how the earth meets you halfway. So happy earth day. The earth is the most beautiful gift outside of our own life that we have, um you know, because it supports our livelihood. Earth has more power than currency does because without earth we wouldn't be here. And so even if you're listening to this and it's no longer Earth Day, I send an invitation to go outside into Earth and take your shoes off and ground into the land and thank Earth for supporting you, for nourishing you, for hydrating you, for oxygenating you, and for supporting you in your human experience. Gratitude is a tool. Gratitude is a tool that your body can feel and your body understands and can receive. And I will say, gratitude keeps you present, and when you're present, you can receive the gifts that are meant for you every single day. And those are tools, tools of relationship. And so this is beautiful because Micah, I know that your life hasn't been butterflies and rainbows, and a sense of how people connect with butterflies and rainbows, right? Life be life in. And I know there were many years where life was happening to you and what felt like life was against you, and so I relate to that as well. And now that you're on top of the mountain and you're able to look down at those versions of you and thank those versions of you for not giving up, for getting you to where you're at, right? Would you say that the one thing that was consistent on building was relationship to yourself?

SPEAKER_04 13:41

Yes, most definitely. Most definitely. Ah, looking back at all my versions, you got me a little choked up there. It's such a it's such a beautiful journey. But yes, I would definitely say that my growth has been in relationship with myself and how I have learned to love myself and know my worth and take care of myself. And I feel like that once we can do that for ourselves, we can do that for other people in a positive way. You know, most of my life I didn't love myself. Now that's not to say I didn't love other people or I didn't love my children because I did, but I could only love them at the capacity that I could hold to love, you know. And at the time that was everything, but now it feels way more like everything because it's, you know, I've grown so much in love with myself. So therefore, that outpours to all of my relationships.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Well, I feel when you a good sign to be able to determine, right? Do I have a good relationship with myself? Right? Do I even know what a relationship with myself is? Is if you are in a life cycle where you're chasing the next big thing, you rely on instant gratification and you are dependent on the worth or on being valued by something or someone else, I would say your relationship to yourself is dying. And I say this not to ridicule or to judge or anything like that, but we need reference points. And I also say this from lived experience. So I like to say I attended Earth University because my life has been my greatest teacher. Now, do I think that everybody has to go through those life cycles? No, I don't. Because I do believe if we can create a foundation, especially for our children and the younger generation, and start building that capacity and the foundation to have relationship to self, you will skip over the bullshit at least 90% of it for sure.

SPEAKER_04 16:11

Amen. I know my granddaughter, a whole different way than I did my daughter, because I didn't love myself, you know, when I was raising my daughter. So I didn't teach her every day about loving herself and those kind of things and her relationship with her nervous system. And with Sage, we learned that. We learned how important it is to love yourself and how to look in the mirror and talk to yourself and how to go outside and ground. And yeah, it's just it's the cycles because I am growmother now. So it's, you know, it's just it's been a beautiful. What a contrast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

Yeah, what a contrast. And, you know, grandmothers and great-grandmothers. So when we think about lineage, like when we go back to how villages were lived, you did have those generations, the lineage where you know you had grandmothers, you had great-grandmothers, sometimes great-great-grandmothers, and those were the whys. You knew that they had the most capacity to be able to hold any experience that life wanted to bring us. And we're supposed to live almost in that village aspect because when you first become a parent, where's your reference point? You think you just all of a sudden know how to hold the stress and the and the noise and the and the different lifestyle that's being created? Like you have to learn that. That is something you you can read all the parenting books that you want. However, like you said, if you don't have a relationship with yourself and you don't have capacity to hold the responsibility that being, you know, bringing life into this world is, then yes, you're you're going to go through those cycles of burnout and exhaustion. And what now is depicted as motherhood. Honestly, I think motherhood is is is the most divine thing. You are bringing life into this world. And it is treated like this exhaustion, too expensive. Kids are bad. And that's not what it is. It's just we have so many parents that don't have a relationship with themselves, don't have capacity to hold the life they're creating. And I was that parent.

SPEAKER_04 18:44

Me too. And we have we just have a dysregulated world. We live in a dysregular, you know. And that's why the work we're doing is so important to help build that relationship with ourselves and come into regulation.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

Well, and what's the driving authority, right? Because our inner authority isn't what's driving it, it's the authority of survival. So everyone is in survival mode. And so, how do we get you out of survival mode so that you're not chasing? You're attracting. And there is such a thing as attracting because the earth, the universe, does meet you halfway because you are however you want to believe it, it's it's real life. We are creatures of energy, we are energy and we are one with the earth. The earth could not be earth without us, and we could not be us without earth. It's just how it works. Okay, so but I I really want to like dive into let's talk about inner critic. Because I feel that as children, when you're molded, when you talk about what's the contrast of living here? So, right now with Sage, like you spoke, you know, you are guiding her with the tools that she will use for the rest of her life to thank her body, to ground, to move her energy, right? To feel her emotions, to know who she is. Who are you? Who is Sage, right? So that's the contrast here versus how did we grow up? Because I remember being constantly told that I was bad and I was too loud and I did this.

SPEAKER_04 20:28

I was a crybaby.

SPEAKER_03 20:30

Yeah, you're a crybaby, like that. Your your body stores that your body remembers that.

SPEAKER_04 20:38

Yes, very much.

SPEAKER_03 20:39

Whether you believe it or not.

SPEAKER_04 20:41

It's only until I started my healing journey that I know that crying is a beautiful thing, and you know, I love being a crybaby. That but it was just my I was just an empath. I was just a sensitive child. I'm a sensitive being, I still am, you know. So yeah, but very much was the crybaby of the family. So yeah, and we do remember those things, you know.

SPEAKER_03 21:10

So I I think when we let's this is rooting, when we root into relationship, it does start very young. And so when you have the inner critic, whether it was a teacher, whether it was a parent, whether it was a friend who said those words to you excuse me, that said those words to you, you stored that. And so like those were your seeds that you planted within yourself. And then as you grew, whether you were thinking about it or not, they were there growing, still alive until you had to come back within yourself, you know, and dismantle those illusions and dismantle those identities, right? Because then what I did is I created new identities so that I wouldn't be what people said I was. Oh, okay. Well, if I'm this, well then let me try to be something else. And I would create a whole new identity.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

And then it wouldn't work. I wouldn't be received, I wouldn't be valued, I was still. Still rejected and it was like, okay, okay, let me see who else. Oh, that person. That person looks like she's she's liked, or he he has a lot of attention. Okay, well, let me see how can I be like them? And then I would form this whole new identity. Yeah. And so all of it was like a facade. It was, it was, it wasn't even truly me. So how the fuck is my body supposed to receive this this vagueness? It doesn't know how. There's there's a gap. And that's where I feel like imposter syndrome comes from. So when you hear people say, Oh my gosh, okay, I have imposter syndrome. Okay, say that again because you're literally telling yourself that you are trying to be something that one you're not, or two, that you don't have capacity for, or three, that you are not yet embodying. Because that's your body's signal to say, hold on, hold on here. What's happening? You know? Mm-hmm. For sure.

SPEAKER_04 23:36

Yeah. Oh, that's so good. Our nervous system definitely knows knows all the things. So yeah, I see, I see that for sure. We we hold the capacity that we our capacity can meet us where we're at and meet others where we're at. And I feel like teaching children at a young age to build that relationship with themselves is very important. But also women that are coming out of abusive relationships and things where I think we talked a little bit earlier about like reactive abuse where you you know flip out for other reasons and things of that nature.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

So we were talking about reactive abuse earlier.

SPEAKER_04 24:24

I don't know where my my train of thought went just then.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

So yeah, I love this. I love this because this is the the redirection, right? Yes, for sure. This is a gift, yes. It's it's a it's a hidden gift, right? And I love this because if we didn't have relationship with ourselves, how frust. I know that I used to be so frustrated all the time and I'd be like, I had it at the tip of my tongue, or why didn't I say this, or why didn't I do that? Yeah, right, yeah, and like those were my thoughts, those were my words. I was constantly shaming myself, but now it's like oh, I didn't say that, I didn't say that for a reason. Like, thank you. That was a redirection. Thank you. What a gift. Because I'm so connected to myself that now I can follow that thread, I can follow the redirection. It wasn't time, you know, and that's your inner authority. So when people think like authority, they think her macho and I'm in charge. No, inner authority is being so connected to your body, to the way that it responds to who you are as a person when your body is saying no, and you're you have boundaries, you stick to them. Your inner authority is in charge, and you you can do that with respect, you can do that with love, you can do that with patience, you know, and yeah, and so I love this so much because I even feel like emotions have been charged with rage, that in order to get your point across, in order to use your voice, right? We see it on the internet all the time. People use their emotions in a negative way, and I think this is a great way for reactive abuse because usually when we are reactive, we're using force with our emotionality. It is because we are activated, and we think that in order to be heard, in order to be seen, that we have to use those big emotions that almost take us out of control in order to be seen and heard and understood and respected, right?

SPEAKER_04 26:56

Yeah, yes. I was a woman who lived a lot of my life in react like in re reacting instead of responding. You know, until I was 40, I didn't really I lived a life of being triggered and in survival all the time. And my body kept the score of all of those things going on in my life. So when one thing would happen, it was a lot of anger, excessive emotion, excessive heightened, a lot of anger. I dealt with a lot of anger, and a lot of that was anger towards myself, and I didn't know it at the time. You know what I mean? But looking back, I stayed angry with myself a lot. My body, I'm sure, stayed angry. My nervous system stayed angry with me because look at the things that I allowed us to go through, you know, and I and I'm there's no shame in that anymore at all. I give myself so much compassion. I I did what I knew until I knew better. So, you know, I've I've give myself so much compassion. And I think that people, humans really, especially women, we really hold shame. We hold shame a lot within ourselves, within our bodies. We hold ourselves in a lot of shame if we mess things up, you know, if our children aren't doing right, you know, we hold that. And I think that taking shame and turning it into compassion completely rewires your nervous system to where you have a compassionate relationship with yourself and your body and not a shameful relationship with yourself and your body.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

Yeah. And that's meaningful relationship.

SPEAKER_04 28:37

Yes, very much. And we deserve to feel, feel, feel those good things, you know, about ourselves and to ourselves. And I tell my clients all the time, we say these things to yourself, you know, you do the mirror work as well. Look in the mirror, talk to yourself, and start building that relationship with yourself. Such a beautiful space to start.

SPEAKER_03 29:01

It is, it is. There, there's a lot of deconstruction that has to happen because if you are shaming yourself, you're only doing that because that's how you were taught, that's how you were spoken to. That is how you see yourself, that is how you value yourself. And so, how is someone else supposed to value you and have a relationship with you and see you for your worth if you can't even do that for yourself? So, what's gonna happen is you're gonna attract that wounded version of you, and I see this happening a lot in relationships. I did it myself. You attract that wounded version of you where you're pretty much the mirror, you're exactly the same, and your reactive responses are exactly the same, and then you guys are at it, right? But in the moments where maybe it wasn't justified that someone that other that other partner, they're your partner, did something to you, it's easy to not see yourself and only see them, but they are the mirror, they are they are you, and even though they're another being, so it's easy to say, well, he made me do what I did, or he reacted this way, which made me react that way. So it's like this endless, it's like a recycled energy line. That's how I like to see it. It's recycled energy, and you can only meet someone where you are at in your life. That's a beautiful thing. It's a it's not wrong, it's not wrong if if you are at that level in your life where you are attracting someone, or you have attracted someone that is in the category of a narcissist. If you have attracted someone that is an abuser, if you have attracted someone that's broken, right? Yeah, and it's not wrong at all.

SPEAKER_04 31:25

It it's sad because that that other person too who is doing these things to you is equally as broken, yes, you know, yeah, and a lot of a lot of people are broken and they do attract other broken people and dysregulate it, you know, and that's why it's just so important to build that relationship with yourself and your nervous system. You can't have a healthy relationship with anyone else if you don't have a healthy relationship within yourself, and I used to not believe those kinds of things, you know. People would say that, like, and because I was always in unhealthy relationships, but I never believed those things, like, but now I know I know that because I've seen myself not have that healthy relationship, and I've seen myself have the healthy relationship, you know, and it's and it's making a lot of uh-huh. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 32:27

Well, I'm curious because in the times where you were in the unhealthy relationship, did you ever question yourself, or was it always, you know, like the opposite person?

SPEAKER_04 32:46

No, I questioned myself some too, but I lived in a lot of victim mindset. Like it was always pretty much somebody else's fault. But you know, until I really started my Hill and Journey, I lived in a lot of a lot of victim mindset.

unknown 33:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:03

Well, I think that's interesting because if if you look at like the court system and how it's positioned, right, there's only one victim. You know what I mean? And in order to have a relationship, you need two people. And like I get it. There's there's actual psychos out there that yes, there's only one victim, you know, but I'm I'm I guess I'm more defining and I want to make sure that I'm clear about this. I'm defining relationships where there are trigger triggering identities within both parties. So one activates the other, and then the other activates the other, and then it ends up being this cycle, you know, this cycle where yeah. So I just want to make sure that I position it that way because I do understand.

SPEAKER_04 33:57

Yes, yes, I did live in a lot of victim mindset, but of course the others were blamed as well. And they're every every relationship I was in, it was a cycle back and just like you said, the recycle energy. And a while ago when you said that, I thought about the survival energy. Like I was just seeing a big, a big ball of survival energy going through. So I just love the way you said that.

SPEAKER_03 34:24

Yeah, yeah. I uh yeah, I love that too because for me it gives tangible that the brain still wants to attach to something, you know?

unknown 34:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:36

Something I wanted to really bring to the reactive abuse and things of that nature is safety. Whenever we don't feel safe in our bodies, we're always gonna react. We're always going, we're not gonna respond, we're going to react because we feel triggered, we have to get defensive. So safety is something that I've been working on for quite a few years because, like I said, I've been in a lot of abusive relationships up until 2018. So the safety and the self-love has been definitely a journey from for me, but it's been such a beautiful journey, and I'm definitely there. But bringing safety and back into your body will help you to not react all the time, and it will truly help you to respond more and bring more capacity into your nervous system as well. So thank you. Thank you for that safety. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:33

Yeah, thank you for that because that is the tool. So I really want to focus on safety because I think some people feel that safety means safety from like danger, right? Or like walking on the sidewalk or you know, driving the speed limit, right? But safety within yourself is literally body's way of signaling to you, and this is where relationship comes in place, right? Because you want to have a relationship with your inner authority, and that's your body's way of saying, I am not safe, something is wrong here. You don't ignore that, you respond to that when you're activated and when you're triggering and you have those moments. Like, think about this. Do you really want to be triggered for the rest of your life over something? Do you want people to walk on eggshells around you because they know, oh, be careful, we're around Susie May and she's gonna get triggered? Like, no, and that's no one else's responsibility to do that either. That is your own. And so I love this because safety is a tool that you will use for the rest of your life. So, how do you get there? How do you get to safety in your body, right? So when your body is telling you something is not safe, that is a signal and that is a message to be like, hmm, why am I feeling this way? Why do I want to protect myself? Why do I want to react? Why am I feeling this way? That is awareness. This is where relationship starts. And sometimes you have to go deep down to where that relationship started, right? And I'll give an example. So, like so, like for me, religion, religion is used to be so triggering for me. It did not make me feel safe. I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want to go to church ever because it made me not feel safe in my body. And I I would protect myself. And if anyone tried to lead me to God, it was like, no, and I was gonna give my perspective and my voice was very loud. And I was like, why? Like, do I even need to say this? Or could I just kindly be like, no, thank you? Well, it's because you know, I had to go back and build a relationship with that bridge between religion. And I realized, oh, this isn't mine, this is not mine. This is my adopted parents forced this religion on me, and they made me believe because of the religion that they believed in, that I was a bad person, that I was going to hell, that I was gonna spend all of eternity burning forever.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:34

And that was the relationship I had with it, and so I had to go down and respond to it, create a different understanding. And once I did that, guess what? I'm not triggered by it. Will I ever go to church and do no, I won't. But now I can actually be around religious people, you know, if I have to step in a church for you know, respect for someone else, you know, I can hold that capacity and not be triggered, you know? Yeah, for sure. So I love that you bring safety. So if you wouldn't, if you feel called, how how can how can people that are listening today when they realize that they have an activation happening? Your body is signaling that something is not right, you're feeling not safe. Well, how can we create safety in the body?

SPEAKER_04 39:36

Self-touch. So put your hand on your heart or give yourself a hug, you know, put your arms around yourself, start with your breath, and also let yourself know that you're safe. I'm safe. Whatever is happening on the outside of me right now, but I am safe. And just you can take some breaths and keep telling yourself that. Rock yourself a little bit if that feels good, but just be with yourself for for some moments. And I really like that you brought up curious, curiosity earlier because gratitude and curiosity keeps both keep us in the present. And in the present is where we need to be to start making bigger capacity in in our nervous system. Presence is what gets us there. Presence is great. So be curious with yourself. Talk to yourself, allow yourself to know that you're okay. And another way that I like to talk to my clients, I don't know if I've mentioned this on here before, but find your safe space in your head. Find your safe space, know, write it out like and and feel it and know exactly what it feels like. When you go to your safe space, where do you feel that in your body? So get real familiar with your safe space. So if you need your safe space, you can go to the bathroom and take some breaths and come into your safe space and where you feel this at. And just that practicing with that safe space gets the body on board to start feeling safety. Those are the two biggest ways I like to, you know, tell people that are beginning to try to feel safety in their body.

SPEAKER_03 41:21

Yes, I love that because that's what creates the reference point. So now you have the reference point of what your body feels like when you're not safe. So, like, now let's bridge this. How do we create a reference point where it allows our body to feel safe? And that is the question for you. Do you know when your body feels safe and not safe? And do you have that discernment within yourself to say, oh, I feel not safe? Okay, I'll bring my body back online and feel safe. Oh, okay, this is okay, everything's fine. Or my body feels not safe. Oh, okay, maybe this isn't a good idea. Oh, okay, maybe this isn't mine to hold, right? So having that discernment, but you're right. First step is having the reference points. And what does that feel like for you? Because everyone's different. And what does that feel like for you? And then from there, if you start to notice, staying curious, right? Why is this happening? Right? Why does this keep happening? Why does that person make me feel that way? It's not judgment, it's curiosity. And then from there, then you get to start building relationship. And within relationship, you build capacity, and that is humanity, that is our autonomy. Like we are fucking powerful, and sometimes I see so many humans controlled and little and devalued, and it doesn't have to be that way.

SPEAKER_04 43:04

So I was that human for so long, so it feels so good coming into my own power and like really being this powerful being, and now I want every other human to do it, to be able to do it too. You know what I'm saying? That's why I'm just out here doing this. Because I love it, and yeah, I never ever I was diagnosed four mental illnesses, went through I was in deep in meth addiction, deep in alcohol addiction. I never thought it could be living this life, you know what I mean? And if I can do it, anybody can do it. And it's basically subtle changes, you know, just building this relationship with yourself, you know. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:47

Yeah, it's everything. Yes, so everything that you were searching outside of yourself, you had within you the entire time, it just needed to be seen, it just needed to be witnessed and felt and understood. And, you know, I love that even that you bring in addiction because what starts addiction is you're still searching outside of yourself for a feeling that you get you could have given yourself, right? And then you do you end up in a cycle, right? And then there's more pain. And then you want to mask the pain and you don't want to feel it anymore. And then there's addiction where it's like now you can't live without the drug. Otherwise it's like now you've created a whole new you know problem. This is so good. And I just want everyone to have a relationship with any part of it. Every person every person that I have spoken to that has lived a traumatic life or come on through the podcast and told their story. Even my own, even my own story. All of it, all of it, the foundation, it comes back to relationship to self. And had you had a foundation and a relationship with yourself, all of this shit would have never happened.

SPEAKER_04 45:32

I mean for real. That is so true. That is so true. It would have never happened. Yeah, if I would have had a relationship with myself from from a child, and there's no blame in saying this. I'm not blaming my mother or my father or anybody. I'm just saying what it was. If I would have had a relationship with my child, with myself as a child and loved myself and all of those things, you know, I don't think I would have ever let the things happen to me that did happen to me. At the same time, that is my story, and they were meant to happen, and that's why, you know, brought me here today. But building that relationship with yourself is truly, truly a pathway to happiness and joy. I don't think you can truly be happy if you're not happy with yourself.

SPEAKER_03 46:20

Yeah, and that is the simplicity of it.

SPEAKER_01 46:47

We don't talk anymore. We don't talk anymore. We don't talk anymore. But we just sue you. We don't both anymore. We don't talk anymore.

SPEAKER_00 47:08

I just hope you I am next to somebody who knows how to love you like me. It must be a good reason that you're gone every now and I think you might want me to control up at your door. But I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong. So I wanna know if you lookin' into her eyes. She's holding on to you so tight the way I did before. I overdo. Should've known your love is a game. Now I can't get you out of my brain. Oh, it's such a shame. We don't talk anymore.

SPEAKER_01 47:53

We don't talk anymore.

SPEAKER_00 47:55

We don't talk anymore like we just We don't both anymore But's all of the four We don't talk anymore like we just like we're low Can I dress you we've been tonight If he's giving it to you just right the way I did before I over Should've known your love was okay Now I can't get you out of my brain Oh it's such a shame We don't talk anymore We don't talk anymore We don't talk anymore Like we used We don't love anymore Oh We don't talk anymore Like we used We don't talk anymore We don't talk anymore We don't talk anymore