Sage Solutions

Resolve Over Discipline

• David Sage • Episode 60

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Tired of trying to brute-force discipline only to burn out when motivation dips? We flip the script by treating discipline as the effect and resolve as the cause—then show you how to build resolve on command by fueling it with a clear, emotionally charged why. Instead of pushing the car up the hill, we build the engine and pour in the right fuel, so action becomes the natural outcome.

We start by dismantling common myths: motivation is a spark, not a steady fuel; discipline is the consistent action but not the driver. The driver is resolve, the felt decision that ends the internal debate before it begins. From there, we connect the dots with Angela Duckworth’s research on grit—passion (your ultimate concern) plus perseverance (your tenacity). When your why is specific and personal, resolve becomes firm, and discipline follows with less friction. You’ll hear a vivid contrast between a weak why like “look good on vacation” and a powerful why rooted in being a healthy, present parent, and why the latter wins on cold, rainy mornings.

We get practical with a three-step method to make action stick. First, excavate your why using the five whys to drill from surface goals to core values. Second, turn that why into identity, shifting from “I want to run a marathon” to “I am a runner,” so behavior aligns without bargaining. Third, make a real decision—cut off other options and end the loopholes. Along the way, we map how repetition creates an upward spiral: as your discipline muscle grows, you need less resolve to move it, making consistency feel calm and almost automatic.

If you’re ready to replace willpower theatrics with a dependable engine, this conversation gives you the tools. Subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review with the one why that drives you most—what identity are you ready to claim?

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The Sage Solutions Podcast and content posted by David Sage is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. No coaching client relationship is formed by listening to this podcast. No Legal, Medical or Financial advice is being given. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user's own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice, diagnosis, or treatment of a psychotherapist, physician, professional coach, Lawyer or other qualified professional. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions. The opinions of guests are their own and may not necessarily reflect the opinions of the podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Sage Solutions podcast, where we talk about all things personal growth, personal development, and becoming your best self. My name is David Sage, and I am a self-worth and confidence coach with Sage Coaching Solutions. So if you listened to the last episode of this podcast, you'll know that this episode was actually the intended release for this last Tuesday. But due to a whole series of complications and the way that life turned out, we ended up doing kind of a bonus mini episode, just talking about that situation and getting across that this episode would still happen. Especially because the perseverance of this episode fits right along with the topic that we're talking about today. Because here at the Sage Solutions podcast, it's a place where we move beyond just quick fixes. And we're often diving into the deep foundational strategies that lead to building a more confident and meaningful life. So let's get to it. I want to talk about a word that I think we misunderstand. It's a word that everyone wants to have, or almost, shades of gray. But when we think about it, we actually treat it like a chore. And that word is discipline. Now, right around this time last year, we actually did an episode on maintaining discipline during the holidays. And it was a good episode. But let's be honest, when you hear the word discipline, what do you feel? Well for most of us, it just feels hard. Feels like restriction. It sounds like the 5 a.m. alarm. Like eating the salad when you really want the burger. Like forcing yourself to do things that you dread. When people talk about discipline, it's often brought up as this superpower of pure gritty willpower that some people are just born with. And the rest of us, well, I guess we're just not. We say, I just don't have enough discipline. Or I wish I were more disciplined. Now discipline, like any other skill or trait, is like a muscle. Some people happen to be built kind of like elite athletes, with more developed muscles or easier to develop muscles in specific areas. But in all reality, any of us can build any muscle in our body. And the same goes for any skill or any trait. Life is like a muscle. So take action and build it. But the point of today's podcast is not just to tell you go out there and build discipline. What if I told you that discipline isn't really the goal? What if I told you that focusing on being more disciplined is like trying to drive a car that has no engine? Today we're going to talk about the engine, not just the car. So we're not talking about discipline. We're talking about the powerful driving emotion that makes discipline run, the simple, logical, and easy first step. Today, we're talking about resolve. But before we get into it, our goal with this podcast is to share free, helpful tools with you and anyone you know who is looking to improve their life. So take action. Subscribe and share this podcast with them. Resolve is not the same as discipline. And it's not the same as what we think of as motivation either. Motivation is a spark. It's the jolt of inspiration you get from watching a great movie or listening to a wonderful podcast. Like this one, hopefully. Motivation is wonderful. It's that fired up feeling of I want to. But motivation or inspiration is fleeting. Because we have many motivations behind the way that we do things, I generally talk about what most people call motivation as inspiration to help clear up the difference. It's an emotion that happens to you. It's not something you can rely on. It's like a fair weather friend. It's there when things are exciting, but it's gone on that cold rainy Tuesday morning when you just don't feel like doing it. This is what leads Mel Robbins to say things like motivation is garbage. Now, I do think that's a little bit overstated, but if you're relying on feeling inspired, on motivation as your fuel, as your regular fuel, not a little rocket booster to get you a little ahead on a day, but as your fuel, you're setting yourself up for failure. And not like failing forward failure, just poor planning failure. Inspiration works much better as a lubricant, something that when you already have a fuel, makes it so that the engine runs much more frictionless and effortlessly. But where does discipline play into this? Well, discipline is the action, it's the car itself. It's the physical act of getting up and making the call, of doing the work. It is a state of repeated, consistent action. But resolve. Resolve is the engine. Resolve is the I will. As humans, psychologically, we are not motivated by logic. The only time that logic motivates people is when something is really smart and it gets people excited. It is the emotional response to logic that gets people to do things because of logic. As much as people may bemoan, as much as people may loathe or criticize emotion, how you feel, your feelings, your emotions are your motivations for doing what you do, which is why managing or regulating your emotions, including things like changing your emotional state or priming it in the first place, has a major effect on the actions that you take. Now, inspiration is a fleeting emotion, which is why it's not a good emotion to rely on when it comes to taking action, especially long-term action, like in the form of discipline. Now, resolve, resolve is different. What I want to get across is that resolve is an emotion. It is the feeling of being resolved. I feel resolve. When something is important to you, you get the feeling of resolve. This is why resolve is different. It's not the spark, it's the fire. It's a deep, internal, unshakable decision that you make. It's the feeling. Not a whimsical in the not a whimsical, flighty emotional feeling like motivation that comes and goes. It's the deep, settled, powerful emotional state of being. Resolve is when the internal negotiation stops. And you know what negotiation I'm talking about, right? Your alarm clock goes off. And your own personal internal debate club kicks into high gear. Ugh, it's so warm in bed. Which you follow up with, but I need to get up. And then it fires back with, you can just go to the gym tomorrow. Or you deserve a rest. You worked hard yesterday. Or oh come on, five more minutes won't hurt. That debate comes from a lack of resolve. Once you cultivate resolve, it's a whole different ball game. When you have resolved, the alarm goes off, and when the debate is about to start, it is silenced by the feeling of resolve that says, This is important to me. I have to get up. And as a result, you just get up. The debate doesn't even happen. The decision was made. The person who decided to get up at that time was you last night. The person in the morning is just the employee executing that order. The feeling of resolve is what powers that moment where you draw a line in the sand. It's the moment you decide this is who I am now. This is what we are doing. There is no other option. This is important to me. So there it is, the central idea of today's podcast. Discipline is merely the effect. The feeling of resolve is the cause. The problem is we try and force the action of discipline without first cultivating that feeling of resolve. And that is why we fail. We are pushing a car with an empty gas tank up a hill and wondering why we're so exhausted. We need to stop focusing on the doing and start focusing on the deciding. There's a powerful quote from Amelia Earhart that captures this perfectly. She says the most difficult thing is the decision to act. The rest is merely tenacity. That's it. The decision to act, that's resolve. The tenacity is just discipline. And she calls it mirror. She implies that it's the easy part. And she's right. Once you have truly decided the action becomes secondary. The hard work, the difficult thing was forging the resolve in the first place. So I'm sure you're already thinking the next logical question, which is great, I want this resolve thing, but where do I get it? How do I build it? Well, it doesn't come from thin air. It comes from one place, and only one place. Why? So if resolve is the engine, then your why is the fuel. You've probably heard the concept before, which was popularized by Simon Sinek in his book Start with Why. He talks about it from a business and leadership perspective. I believe it's one of the most important concepts in personal development. Your why is your purpose. It's what's important to you. It's linked to your values and your core beliefs, your reason for being, your purpose. It's not what you do, it's not how you do it, it's why you do it. So when we're trying to cultivate resolve, if we use a weak why, it's not going to lead to very much resolve. Let's use a really common example. Getting in shape. Let's say I have a goal of losing 20 pounds. That's the what. And I come up with a plan to go to the gym four times a week and cut out sugar. That's the how. But none of that is going to happen without a why. So what's my why? If you ask me and I said, I really want to look good for this tropical vacation in three months. Is that a why? Well, yes, sort of, but it's a weak one. It's superficial. It's external. It doesn't really drive me. So here's what happens. Two weeks in, I start blazing strong, trying to use that beach vacation as the fuel for my resolve. But two weeks in, it's cold, it's raining, and a friend invites me out for pizza. And frankly, that why just isn't strong enough to power the engine of resolve. My internal negotiation starts, and even if not that time, the why loses. Okay, now let's ask a different person, the same question, who happens to have the same goal. And this time they have a different why. So I ask them why they want to do all of this, and they say, Well, I want to get healthy. Okay, but why do you want to get healthy? And they say, Because I just had my first child, and I want to have the energy to play with them as they grow up. Say, okay, that makes sense. Is there a specific reason why you think energy is really important for raising your child? They respond, My own father was always sick, and he couldn't, well, despite his best efforts, and it's not his fault, but he couldn't be there for me in that same way. And then of course that can get into a conversation where we talk about why that was important to them, which would lead them to say something along the lines of, what it really boils down to is that the reason I want to do this is because I want to be a living example of health and vitality for my child. I want to be able to run with them, not watch them from the sidelines. I want to be an active participant in their life. I want to be present and healthy and a good role model for my family for the rest of my life or for as long as possible. Now take that why and compare it to the beach vacation. What happens when the alarm goes off for that person? When it's cold and it's raining and they're tired, that why is standing right there next to their bed. It's not a vague idea of a beach. It's the face of their child. It's the thought of their child asking them to come play tag or teach them a sport. When your why is that powerful, the negotiation doesn't stand a chance. And the resolve is forged. And not just forged, it's made of steel. The act of getting up, the discipline, is now just the logical automatic extension of that why. Lean in. Let the resolve boil up and fuel you. Your why is what you call upon in the moment of trial. When motivation is gone, your why is what you use to create, to cultivate resolve. And the more you do it, the more automatic that feeling of resolve will get. And the more that you use that resolve to power the action, the repeated action that is discipline, the stronger the muscle of discipline you will build. Meaning that you need less resolve to power the same muscle, since it has gotten so much stronger. It is a self-fulfilling upward spiral. You need energy to power your muscles. And the stronger that you get your muscles, the less energy that they require. Life is like a muscle, so take action and build it. And emotions, feelings, resolve, drive your actions. But you have to power that resolve with a powerful why. Resolve is quite literally the act of resolving your commitment to your why over and over again until it becomes a permanent part of you. And that's when the real magic happens. Not just using a why to make it abundantly clear the importance of something to fuel your resolve, but when it becomes a part of your identity, it just becomes a part of who you are. The resolve becomes automatic. You don't question it because c because of the cognitive dissonance that comes from not being who you believe yourself to be. And when your why and your identity align, your resolve becomes unstoppable, and the building of that muscle of discipline becomes almost automatic. Now this isn't just motivational theory. This is backed by real psychology, by some of the most profound research in psychology. Dr. Angela Duckworth, a researcher at the University of Pennsylvania, who's famed for her work on the concept that she calls grit, has done a whole series of studies that back up what we're talking about here today. If you haven't read her work, I highly recommend it. She even has a book called Grit. That's definitely worth the read. Duckworth spent years studying high achievers in every field imaginable. West Point cadets, top-tier athletes, national spelling bee champions, and successful entrepreneurs. She wanted to know what separated the best from the rest. And it wasn't talent, it wasn't IQ, and it wasn't social intelligence. Though to be honest, none of those things hurt. They're definitely still helpful. The one single highest predictor of success that she found time and time again was grit. Duckworth defines grit with a very specific two-part formula. Let's break that down because it's exactly what we're talking about today. Passion in this context isn't just excitement. It's what she calls an ultimate concern. It's a top level defining goal for your life. It is, in plain terms, your why. It is the thing you care about so deeply you're willing to organize your life around it. Perseverance is the tenacity, the never give up attitude. It's the discipline. And her work proves scientifically that people who succeed in the long run are the ones who have both, who need the perseverance, the discipline. But that perseverance is pointless and impossible to maintain without the passion, the why. And since your why is what gives your perseverance direction, your resolve is the bridge that connects them. When your why is clear, your resolve becomes firm. When your resolve is firm, your discipline, or in this context she says perseverance, becomes consistent. And that right there is the formula for grit. So if you're struggling with discipline, you likely don't have a discipline problem. You have a clarity problem. You haven't gotten clear enough and deep enough on your why to fuel your resolve. So how do we do this? How do we build this engine? We're gonna use a simple three-step process on how to build resolve. You cannot invent a why. You have to discover it. It's already in you. You just have to dig it out. The best method I know is the five whys. It's a technique originally developed by Toyota for problem solving, but it also happens to work perfectly for this. Let's take the goal I want to start my own business. Okay, why? Because I want to make more money. Okay, sure, who doesn't? But why do you want to make more money? Because I want to have more freedom and control over my time. Okay, that's a lot more concrete than just wanting to make money. But why do you want that freedom and control over your time? Well, because I hate reporting to somebody else and feeling trapped. Alright, now we're getting somewhere. Why do you think you feel that way? Because when I feel trapped, I don't feel like I'll be able to go home for my kids when they get off of the school bus and be there for them in their life. And why do you want to be home for your kids when they get off the school bus? Because I believe family is the most important thing in the world to me, and I want to build a life that truly reflects that value. That, that fifth why, that has the power. I want to make more money won't get you through the terror of filing all of the LLC paperwork and making your first cold call and everything else that you have to set up with your own business. I want to build a life that reflects my deepest value of family will. Step one, excavate your why. Getting clear on what's important to you, on your purpose, on things that you're passionate about, about what you value. And connecting those things to your why is the clearest way to fuel the resolve that you need. And this five whys technique is one of the easiest ways to bring it to fruition. So take a goal that you've been struggling with the discipline to do and realize that it's about resolve, and in order to build that resolve, you have to start asking why. So take that goal and ask why five times and write down the answers. Get to the real root of why. Step two, turn your why into an identity. This is the most powerful shift you can make. Do not focus on the goal. Focus on the identity. A goal is I want to run a marathon. An identity is I am a runner. See the difference? When your identity is I am a runner, what does a runner do? They run. So when it's 6 a.m. and it's time to run, you're not being disciplined, you're simply being who you are. It's not a negotiation. It's an affirmation of your identity. Don't try to be healthy. Be a healthy person. Don't try to write a book. Be a writer. Don't try to be a better partner. Be a loving present partner. Once you've excavated that why, incorporate it into who you are. When your why is so strong that it changes how you see yourself, resolve is the automatic byproduct. And the more that you feel the emotion of resolve, the easier it is to call that feeling up. And then step three, make a real decision. The word decision comes from the Latin root and I might be um butchering this. Decidere. Which means to cut off. To make a real decision means that you cut off all other possibilities. Most of us don't make decisions. We make preferences. I'd like to go to the gym. I prefer to get fit. I want to save more money. Resolve is born the moment you make a decision. The moment you say, This is it, the boats are burned, there is no retreat, the debate is over. I am doing this. This is who I am, and this is why it's important to me. So excavate your why, forge it into an identity, and then make a true cutoff decision that this is who you are. This is the birthplace of resolve. So remember, discipline is not a dragon that you have to slay. It's not a mountain that you have to climb through sheer agonizing effort. Discipline is just the natural, quiet, automatic result of a feeling. The feeling of resolve. And that resolve is not something you find, wish for, or wait for. It's something you build. You build it from the raw materials of your why. You build it by getting crystal clear on what matters to you, why you are here, and who you want to be. So my invitation to you this week is to stop trying to be more disciplined. Stop pushing that car. Instead, I want you to build that engine. Find your why, connect with it, feel it, and then from that place of power, make the decision, pour that fuel into the engine. Because as Amelia Earhart said, that's the hardest part. And it's only really the hardest part because it's the essential part. Cultivate resolve and build your life just like a muscle. And remember, you are enough, and you deserve to fill up your inner cup with happiness, true confidence, and resilience. Thank you for listening to the Sage Solutions podcast. Your time is valuable, and I'm so glad that you choose to learn and grow here with me. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on more Sage advice. One last thing. The legal language. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. No coaching client relationship is formed. It is not intended as a substitute for the personalized advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.