Brittany S. - Nonbinary Parenting & Mental Health Maintenance

*This episode contains adult language as well as conversations about addiction and eating disorders.

This week on Quiet Connection I'm chatting with Brittany, a nonbinary mom and podcast host. We explore their challenging transition into parenthood at a young age and the role that medical complications as well as gender identity played in that process. We cover topics ranging from chronic illness, foster parenting, addiction, social constructs, and so much more as it relates to parenting.

To learn more about Brittany, Visit:

• Instagram
• Website
• Podcast

Takeaways

• Becoming a parent can bring up unresolved issues and challenges from one's past, which may impact mental health and well-being.
• Struggling with body image and identity can be particularly difficult during pregnancy and postpartum, especially when facing health issues.
• It's important to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor to address mental health concerns.
• Exploring and understanding one's gender identity can be a transformative and empowering journey, and it's important to find a supportive community.
• Reconnecting with oneself and prioritizing personal needs can lead to personal growth and a healthier, more fulfilling parenting experience. Living authentically and being open with your children creates a safe space for them to be authentic as well.
• Prioritizing your own needs and filling your own cup is essential for being a better parent and caregiver.
• Building a supportive community and finding connection with others who understand and empathize with your experiences is crucial.
• Sharing your burdens and connecting with others is a powerful way to heal and find support.
• Staying connected to yourself and prioritizing self-care is important for mental and emotional well-being.

Sound Bites

• "I was on heavy amounts of antidepressants after all of my pregnancies with my children for postpartum depression and anxiety."
• "I had to start prioritizing myself and reconnecting with myself and in that is where I found so much of now what I teach and speak on and do all of that is, you know, how to unlock your abundance right where you are."
• "I had just started to realize I might be a little gay. Yeah, my husband actually had to tell me that I was gay because I was so in denial."
• "I'm officially like, I'm done living not who I truly am"
• "It 100 % ties into parenting because it and it is I'm gonna have a question lined up but like"
• "I live by honesty and vulnerability is the best policy"

This episode discusses topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Please check the show notes for more information and be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

Real moms. Real talk. Zero sugarcoating.
Join Odd Moms On Call as we tackle parenting in a world on fire—one hot take, eye roll, and belly laugh at a time. 

Transcript

Chelsea (00:01)
Welcome to Quiet Connection, a podcast dedicated to ending the stigma around postpartum mental health. I'm Chelsea. In this episode, Brittany shares their journey of becoming a parent and the challenges they faced along the way, including struggles with mental health, body image, and identity. Brittany opens up about their exploration of gender identity and coming to terms with being non -binary.

They emphasize the importance of living authentically and being open with their children about all aspects of life. Through self -reflection Brittany has been able to prioritize their own needs and find fulfillment in their role as a parent. Let's hear from Brittany.

Chelsea (00:41)
Hello, today I'm here with Brittany. Brittany, how are you?

Britt (00:45)
I'm good, how are you?

Chelsea (00:47)
I'm doing pretty good! Good for a Monday. Yeah. It is. It is, I don't know what it's like where you're at, but it is gray and gross and it's...

Britt (00:50)
Yeah, it is Monday -ish today, isn't it?

it is hot and humid and disgusting. I just want to hide in this closet all day.

Chelsea (01:03)
I'm excited to have you on. I'm excited to connect with you. I'd love it if you could get us started by just sort of telling us a little bit about yourself and who you were before becoming a parent.

Britt (01:18)
Yeah, so I'm Brittany. I'm a lactation consultant and run my own business. I host my own podcast, and I'm a mom to four. I'm a bio and adoptive mom, so I've kind of got a little bit of experience on both sides, which has been really amazing. And we fostered for about three years too, so I have that little fun in there.

Before I was a parent. Ooh, I was a hot mess to be perfectly honest I think I carry some of that into my parenting though but I I had a really rough growing up Really struggled with an eating disorder and some drug addiction in my teen and early adulthood and Was diagnosed with endometriosis really young and was told if you don't have kids

Chelsea (01:43)
Ha ha!

Britt (02:05)
young, then you may not be able to have kids of your own. And so I was dating my bestest friend at the time and we were like, let's just get married and have kids then. And so I was much younger than I ever really anticipated becoming a parent. And it was kind of thrust on me and I'm glad that I did it. I ended up with a hysterectomy by the time I was 28. And so wasn't able to have any more children after that.

It was kind of a whirlwind. So I feel like I was kind of thrust into parenthood in like the middle of my self exploration kind of journey, which was really interesting to kind of like parent and as you're parenting, you're reparenting yourself. And that is kind of me, the inspiration for my podcast and kind of what I do and all of the fun things. So.

Chelsea (02:46)
Yeah.

Yeah. my gosh. You condensed so much into that, into all that. And you are not my first guest to be like, I was a hot mess before I was a parent. yeah. I mean, I think, well, I think we all know parenting sort of shifts everything. And especially for you at such a young, at such a young age being told like, well, it's now or never. So, ayayay.

Britt (02:59)
Hahaha!

huh. Yeah.

yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was kind of crazy.

Chelsea (03:26)
Yeah, I mean, I don't even know if you really alluded to this or not, but were kids part of your plan or did they just become part of your plan?

Britt (03:38)
they were always a part of my plan. I have always had a thing for like kids and that like everybody used to call me like the baby whisperer and like I babysat growing up. I'm the oldest of four kids myself and, all of my aunts are really actually close to me in age. So they had kids and I was like,

around their kids very often. So kids were always a part of the plan. I always wanted a really big family. I wanted like six kids. But I had definitely not planned when my partner and I were together at the time, our plan was to, we were gonna get married and we wanted to do 10 years of.

getting ourselves settled and established and all of that. were getting married only at 21 anyways, so like we had plenty of time. And then I got my diagnosis two months before we got married and so it really shifted the thought for us of, okay, what's that going to look like now?

Chelsea (04:39)
I'm definitely vibing. I am the oldest of four as well. yeah, like there's just this oldest child thing and having the little cousins and the little siblings. Yeah, you become a parent at a very especially when you come from a tricky background.

Britt (04:43)
my goodness.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, yeah, my mom was a teen mom. And so I was very much in kind of like a parental or parentified role growing up anyways. And so that that transition felt very natural for me, actually, I always felt like I kind of had that maternal take care of everybody mindset. But it's a whole different experience when you actually have to like go from living that mindset and not living that lifestyle to now full on being in mom mode. And it's it's a game changer.

Chelsea (05:24)
yeah, for sure. Your pregnancy journeys were not the smoothest either, if I'm remembering correctly.

Britt (05:33)
No.

No, no, they weren't. my oldest, well, so I got pregnant right after we got married, like literally the month after, and actually at miscarrying that pregnancy at 14 weeks. And so that was kind of our first touch with parenting, right? We were...

expecting and we were beyond the safe mark. had told everybody that we were pregnant and expecting and everybody was excited for us. And then we ended up losing that pregnancy and it was devastating.

We were young and naive and were healthy and had never thought that we would be somebody who would lose a pregnancy anyways, especially not in the second trimester. And so that was difficult. But we got pregnant pretty quickly right after with our now oldest. She is going to be 11 this December, which is mind blowing. had hyperemesis gravidarum, was very, very sick, lost.

Chelsea (06:34)
Mm.

Britt (06:34)
a lot of weight. I only ended up gaining 11 pounds by the end of my entire pregnancy because I was just so sick the whole time and had preterm labor multiple times. And then she was actually ended up being born with a rare genetic metabolic disorder that my husband and I were both carriers for that we didn't know that we were carriers for. And so

We found out she was diagnosed at six days old with very long chain acetyl CoA dehydrogenase deficiency or

Chelsea (07:09)
which I had never heard of before this.

Britt (07:11)
No, yeah. So, VLCAD for short. So VLCADD is like the acronym. But essentially she can't break down fat in her food or in her body as like an energy source. So anytime she goes too long without eating, anytime she overworks herself, anytime she's sick, when we would as a normal body break down fat stores as a source of energy, she can't. So her blood sugar gets really low and then her body starts to break down her muscle, including her heart and her liver.

to fuel itself. And so we ended up a lot of time in the hospital. She had 13 hospital stays her first year. And now at just over 10, she's had over 30 in her whole lifetime. So it's been crazy and not what we were expecting. And we originally were like, okay, we'll knock out our kids right out back to back and be done. But then when this kind of came out of nowhere and

hit us upside the head and we got in a lot of medical debt and we weren't established. We were 21 when we had this baby and now you really start to feel the implications of not being financially secure and stable but also our country isn't really set up for.

Chelsea (08:16)
Yeah.

Britt (08:28)
anybody in those types of experiences or circumstances to thrive. And so it was really a struggle. So we ended up waiting four years before we had our second daughter. And she was born healthy and did really well. She was diagnosed with a heart condition at six months old. And we thought she might have to have open heart surgery. So my husband actually ended up joining the military so that we could get benefits because we didn't have good health insurance.

Chelsea (08:45)
my gosh.

Britt (08:54)
even though I was a nurse at the hospital that my kids are receiving care at, they had a $500 a day co -pay when we were admitted for four days. And Sawyer was getting admitted every other freaking week. It was insane. And so my husband joined the military right in the height of 2018. So he up and left, he came home one day and told me.

think I'm gonna be a pilot in the Navy. Mind you, he was a graphic designer for like a car company that like sent out car mailers. And he came home one day and was like, I'm gonna be a pilot. And I was like, okay, buddy. No, sure enough, he left six weeks later for officer candidate school and our whole life kind of got turned upside down. But it was the best thing we ever did for our family and for our financial situation and...

He has been able to do all kinds of cool things and have been able to provide a stable home for us, which has been amazing. And then our third daughter was born with the same metabolic condition as our first, and she was born at 34 weeks because I had onset with lupus during my pregnancy. And so it was a disaster, honestly. But you know, like it's one of those moments where like when you're living it in the moment, you're like,

Chelsea (10:11)
Yeah.

Britt (10:16)
you're just doing what you have to do to get by and then you look back and you're like, how the hell did I live through that and like make it out okay? And so that was kind of the whole thing. had never, I ended up with my hysterectomy after that pregnancy and we had never really planned on adopting after we had our own biological children, but I had some cousins who grew up in foster care.

and had some pretty awful experiences. so fostering was always something I wanted to do just to be able to provide a safe space for kids and to model healthy parent relationship for biological families. And so when we were finally settled and stable for a few years, we started fostering and we fostered for three years. We had the opportunity to have 13 wonderful different kids in our home in that time, which was amazing.

And then at the very end of it, it came down to one little boy either moving to another family to be adopted or staying with us forever, and I couldn't let him go. So he stayed and he is now ours. We just finalized his adoption in June. And so, thanks! So it's been, it's been a wild...

Chelsea (11:26)
Congratulations!

Britt (11:31)
roller coaster of a ride. And then amongst all of that, I came out as non -binary and queer when I was 30. you know, we decompensative or deconstructed from our evangelical Christianity, you know, and like life is just wild the way it all works out.

Chelsea (11:40)
Yeah.

It really, it really, really is not only have you not only were you going through personal transformation, just because you do when you're in your early 20s. You're also going through becoming a parent. You're also going through your own identity, like shift, which so resonates with me, by the way, I think it's a product of our generation, like

Britt (12:02)
Yeah.

Mm

Chelsea (12:17)
I don't know how you feel about it, but we didn't have the language for it when I was a kid. I knew what I felt, but I didn't. Yeah, so I came out in my 30s as well as queer and non -binary.

Britt (12:30)
-huh. You know, and I think it's interesting, like, when I was going through, I struggled with an eating disorder and body dysmorphia big time through, you know, all of puberty. And it wasn't until I was out and I'm, having this conversation with my therapist, and she's like, do you think maybe your eating disorder was ever triggered by your body dysmorphia that you didn't understand your, why you were struggling with those body changes? And I'm like, mind -freaking -blown.

Chelsea (13:00)
She earned her paycheck that day.

Britt (13:00)
no, I didn't.

Yeah, I'm like, you know what? That actually makes a whole lot of sense. Wow. And so it is, like you said, we just didn't have the language. I was a tomboy, you know, growing up. I was never really the emotional, connected girl. And so I had all the guy friends and that was, that's just what it was. But I never understood why I never felt like at home in my body.

Chelsea (13:14)
Mm -mm.

Yeah.

Britt (13:34)
how that connectivity of being a woman just never really sat right with me. And yeah, it wasn't until the last four years where I finally figured out, that's what that feels like, and that's what that's called. And there are other people who feel like this. That's amazing.

Chelsea (13:54)
Yes. And I'm actually really excited to be able to sort of get your perspective on this too, which isn't in my bullet points, but what do you use as your title as a parent? Do you use the word mom?

Britt (14:11)
Yeah, I do. My kids were much older when I came out. I've been mom forever. And so when I came out, I was really back and forth on like, okay, am I gonna change my title or what does that look like? And ultimately it came down to my thought process of, for me, mom is a descriptor of the type of relationship that I have with my children.

I am the maternal figure that comes in and cares and is emotionally connected and biologically built some of them in my body, you know? And that is, in my thought, the title mom isn't necessarily a gendered term. I think it's really just a descriptive factor of the type of relationship. And so I've kept mom and it still feels very...

Chelsea (14:47)
Yes.

Britt (15:04)
It's still very affirming for me, even though it's technically more of a, like, feminine term.

Chelsea (15:10)
Well yeah, but just like anything else, it's a construct. it holds a feminine...

feeling because society has determined that it does. So I again completely vibe with that. Like, and at first, I don't know if you struggled with it, but at first I was like, okay, so like, do I not belong? Like, am I not in a mom world? Do I, do I not belong here anymore? But I'm like, no, I'm, I'm a fucking mom. And yeah.

Britt (15:21)
Exactly.

Mm -hmm.

Hell yeah. And honestly, when I was coming up with the name for my podcast, my podcast is called The Odd Mom Pod. And I had interviewed even a transgender woman on my show about her transition through parenting. And she was like, I very much love that mom isn't being sequestered to a gender in that way. And that...

Chelsea (16:06)
Mm -hmm.

Britt (16:08)
you can have that mom relationship, whether you're an aunt, a cousin, you just know a kid that you love and care about, you're a teacher, that like mom -maternal type relationship and the role that we can play in our kids' lives, whether they're our kids or the community's kids, that's what being a mom is, it's all about that. And so...

I went really back and forth. I almost called it the odd parent pod. And I was like, no, but like that doesn't even feel authentic because I'm coming from a mom perspective. And that is who I am at my core as a mom. And so I kept it.

Chelsea (16:45)
Yeah, I love it. love it. Again, Can of Worms, Rabbit Hole, I'm really good at those. But like, it's so good to speak to another non -binary mom. And for listeners listening, that we see you. We see you and you are mom. Or not, if you don't wanna be. Yeah, yeah.

Britt (16:51)
I love it too.

Yeah.

or not. Exactly. I think that is the main thing is really, I just advocate for feeling out that the title that feels right for you and instead of thinking you're tying it to directly to your identity, think of it more of how you want somebody to feel in that relationship with you. What is the goal of that relationship? What is the

underlying foundation of what that relationship is going to look like. You know, I'm still, my husband still calls me his wife very often because that is the role I play in his life. I run his whole life for him, right? Like that's what we do. But, but you know, like, and, know, at first I was like, Ooh, I don't know if I like that. I think I prefer partner or not whatnot, but also like we have to sometimes I, as we are so worried about being inclusive.

Chelsea (17:45)
Hahaha!

Britt (18:02)
I think sometimes we can be almost too exclusionary of gendered terms because we don't feel like we fit in a gendered space. But like you said, it's all freaking construct, dude. The language is just made up shit, made up sounds that were like, that sounds like that should be called that.

Chelsea (18:07)
Mm -hmm.

It all is. I know.

My daughter literally the other day, I can't remember the word, but she's like, that's not even a word. And I go, no, I mean, that's a word. She goes, well, how do you know? was like, because somebody made it up. That's what words are. So yeah, it's all a construct. OK, but I am bringing it back to you and your story because we can have a whole podcast on this subject alone. so so you.

Britt (18:35)
It is.

Ugh, yes we could.

Chelsea (18:48)
You're going through all of these shifts. You're coming into all of these new, I don't even want to say new identities, like discovering things about yourself and along the way experiencing things that are not easy and that are not the way that you envisioned your journey going. What kind of a role did that play on your mental health?

Britt (19:08)
Mm

Ugh, it was rough. I already had rough stuff and mental load and addiction and an eating disorder kind of coming into that. getting married really young and getting into parenthood really young, I had not had any time to really experience or develop the coping skills to deal with life. And so it was not good.

Chelsea (19:15)
Yeah.

Britt (19:42)
I honestly was on heavy amounts of antidepressants after all of my pregnancies with my children for postpartum depression and anxiety. And you know, when you already have that underlying factor and then going into the hormonal changes, it's a mess. And I honestly think that's why I really didn't have the opportunity to discover who I was until my 30s.

Chelsea (20:10)
Mm

Britt (20:11)
Because I think my brain was in such a survival mode and I was in such an unsafe place emotionally with myself that I couldn't even get to the point where I could connect to myself enough to discover those things about myself until it was much later in life and much more in a stable or like safe place. And so it wasn't good. I really struggled. I think that's

partially why I struggled so badly with my eating disorder and all of that. My eating disorder was a big struggle with me during my pregnancies because again, now I understand that physical feminine shift in my body when that didn't feel authentic to me was triggering in a way I didn't understand at the time. But it was difficult. It was really difficult. And I think I shut down how to feel anything.

I would chase just like fleeting fulfillment, anything that sounded like it might be something that's good, whether I really wanted it or not, I would jump at any opportunity because it just felt like maybe I would finally find the fulfillment I was looking for. And you do, you kind of just get into this tailspin where you're just jumping from one thing to the next, you're unable to really connect with the people in your life. And ultimately it boils down to you're completely disconnected from your own.

emotions and feelings and wants and needs because you've had to be as a coping mechanism and as a defense mechanism.

Chelsea (21:41)
Yeah, absolutely. You mentioned a couple of things, but like, how did that, how did it manifest? You talked about your eating disorder and the body dysmorphia. What did the anxiety and depression, how did that manifest outwardly or were you kind of bottling it all up? Yeah.

Britt (22:00)
I'm a bottler. I am. I'm very much somebody who I can shut down everything I need very easily. Even down to my ability to eat. I cannot eat for days because my body is used to being able to do that because I had done it for so long. And so really I think that was what was so dangerous about it is that not very many people around me could see that I was in such a dark spot.

And it was difficult because when people can't tell that you're in a difficult spot and you don't tell people you're in a difficult spot, but then you still hold the resentment that you're not being treated like you're in a difficult spot. It creates this resentment and difficulty in your relationships. I resented my husband. At one point we were very close to divorce about seven years into our marriage, seven, eight years into our marriage.

We were incredibly disconnected from each other. I really struggled with bonding with my kids because I was working so much to try and meet everybody's needs and to pay the bills and do all of this. I miss a lot of precious time with my children and they're very, especially my older two, and they're very young childhood. And that wasn't something that I didn't necessarily understood.

how it manifested until like now as I'm like working through those things that I can look back and be like, gosh, I was a shell of a human. I was completely disconnected. I didn't find joy anything. I would binge drink on the weekends with my friends to get away and have an escape. You know, things like that that I was choosing to completely shut it down so that it didn't impact my family is what I thought.

Chelsea (23:44)
Mm.

Britt (23:44)
But in reality, I was impacting my family in ways I didn't realize. And it's not until you kind of get on the other side of that that you can look back. And then you have to make reparations for that. You have to fix that. You have to go back and reconnect in your relationships. And that's a really hard place to be when you come out to the side and you're like, ugh, I fucked up a lot when I was in a bad spot. And at the time, I didn't realize how bad it was until it was much, much later.

Chelsea (24:12)
Yeah. Did you have any sort of support system outside of your, outside of your spouse?

Britt (24:21)
Yes and no. We were heavily involved in the church for a while. And so I had actually gone through like a church program called like Celebrate Recovery, which essentially like a 12 step program. So to help me get over the eating disorder and through some of the drug addiction stuff, which was really, really helpful. And so I did have a couple people in that type of group. But as I kind of deconstructed from my evangelical religion, as we got older, no.

Not really. And that is where things got really dark, you know, in your head. And I would just instead stuff it with other things. would work, gosh, I would work probably 180 hours a week. Not even kidding you. I would work six nights a week at the hospital. I was working 12 hour shifts in the ER. And then I sold LuLaRoe full time. I was in the top 2 % of the company.

Chelsea (24:51)
Yeah.

my gosh.

Britt (25:17)
And so when I wasn't working in the hospital, I was on live streams and doing shipping and just filling all of my time with other things to do so that I didn't have to be alone in my head. And it wasn't until kind of all of that fell apart, I got incredibly burnt out, my health turned to shit and my body was like, okay, we're done doing this, you can't live like this. And it wasn't until my third pregnancy when my lupus onset, when I was...

Chelsea (25:28)
Yeah.

Britt (25:46)
24 or 25 weeks pregnant. I almost lost both of my legs. I was in the hospital for like five days, no joke. And then I was pretty much unable to walk well on my own for about six to nine months after that. And so that was the first time in my life I had been physically knocked on my butt and forced to deal with what was in my head. And that's kind of where...

everything kind of started to shift for me and I had to start to figure out that my body wasn't going to keep up if I didn't meet my needs and that meant like my emotional and physical needs completely and that was teaching myself to do that was the hardest thing I think I've had to do as a parent and then trying to teach your children how to do that from the beginning because you can see how the first few years of you not doing that impacted your children and you're like

I don't want them to grow up like I am and be stuck here at 30 having to figure this out when they can do that from their childhood. And so that was really my turning point. And when I had to start prioritizing myself and reconnecting with myself and in that is where I found so much of now what I teach and speak on and do all of that is, you know, how to unlock your abundance right where you are because

You don't really get to control your circumstances, but if you're not connecting with yourself, you're also not taking advantage of the opportunities for learning and growth that you're being presented. And you're just going to continue to stay stuck like that unless you really do the work.

Chelsea (27:26)
Yeah. And it was, it was your third pregnancy and the lupus that really set you. It was like a hard reset. How old were you at this point?

Britt (27:37)
It was right like 27

Chelsea (27:40)
my gosh, I think that's when I had my first. my gosh. and it's not a comparison thing and it's not an age thing. It's just thinking about exactly thinking about my mindset at 27 and you already had, now you had three kids. Didn't know at the time. So you're going through lupus. Didn't know at the time that this third.

Britt (27:43)
Yeah.

No, not at all, but it is. It's just a mindset.

Mm

Chelsea (28:04)
baby was gonna have health issues too and you're already struggling with your first health issues and holy shit. Yeah. And I can completely understand the need to fill the spaces to fill the spaces to quiet the noise. Because if, if, if you're, if you're not listening to it, then it's not there, which I say with air quotes, cause it's a hundred percent there, but

Britt (28:13)
Yeah, it was a lot. It was a lot.

Mm

Chelsea (28:34)
Yeah, my gosh.

You're knocked on your ass. You're starting from How also, where are you in terms of your gender identity in this moment? Like, are you are you figuring that out as well?

Britt (28:52)
I had just started to realize I might be a little gay. Yeah, my husband actually had to tell me that I was gay because I was so in denial.

Chelsea (28:55)
Okay, just a little.

think I'm Pan and he goes, duh. Yeah.

Britt (29:08)
Duh. Yeah, he was like, yeah, Brittany, people don't just turn a little gay when they drink. Like, that means you're gay all the time. When you are at your lowest with no inhibitions and you want to make out with other women, that might be a red flag that you might be gay. And I was like, my God, you're so right. I had not thought about it that way. And honestly, it was the height of the...

Chelsea (29:14)
Yeah.

Britt (29:32)
2020 lesbian TikTok that was really like the nail in the coffin for me when I was like, that doesn't show up on everybody's algorithm. Like me and my sister were together. Why is it women cutting wood?

Chelsea (29:35)
yes, TikTok. Yeah.

my For You page. My For You page is all, Yeah, why is it all thirst traps with girls? Yeah. Yeah.

Britt (29:54)
Yeah, yeah, my sister and I were sitting on the couch and I'm like scrolling and I was like, my god, look at this girl's arms and she's like, Brittany I don't think that's like a normal response to like, I think that's kind of weird. Why are you watching this woman cut some wood? And I'm like, she, look at her arms!

Nope. It was so honestly, I had no idea. My husband and I had just finally gotten like reconnected in our marriage. went through a bunch of marriage counseling. We were finally at a really good point communication wise. We had been married about nine years at this point. And he told me I was gay and I'm like, okay, cool. But I honestly didn't even start questioning my gender until

wanna say like two years ago. So I guess that was what, 2022? And it was honestly like a really weird, slow resolution. I had come out to my husband like last, about a year prior before I came out to like the world, right? And it was more like I...

have never really felt at home in my body and it took me a long time to find non -binary as a term because I was like, don't feel like a man. I'm not transgender. I guess what I kept saying was, I'm not trans, I'm not a man. But also the feminine parts of my body, the feminine social constructs that I'm supposed to fit into, the...

Chelsea (31:17)
Yeah.

Britt (31:27)
feminine or womanly kind of characteristics also have always felt like something I've had to force in myself and something that like I'm really good at forcing. I am very good at passing as a cisgendered woman. 100 % I can put a dress on, I can do my makeup and I have always been able to pass and I very much in my time when I was struggling very much used my woman body.

Chelsea (31:42)
Yeah.

Britt (31:53)
to get what I wanted out of men and situations and was very good at manipulating in that way just because kind of growing up, that's kind of what I was taught by society, right? Like you be a woman and that's how you get what you want. And so that's what I did. And it wasn't until I really started breaking down, actually came, I was reading a book on anti -racism and

Chelsea (32:07)
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Mmm, interesting.

Britt (32:24)
It was just kind of connecting all of the social constructs of racism, transphobia, homophobia, misogyny just in general, the patriarchy, and how all of it is interconnected in this web. And that was the first time that I was like, am I just tied into this web because I was born with a specific body? Because I was born with boobs, that's why I feel like I have to...

fit into this mold that I'm told I have to fit into as a woman. And as I started getting more into LGBTQ allyship, being that I had kind of started to figure out I was gay, and looking for somewhat of a queer community, my husband and I had kind of opened our marriage at that point, and so that I could start to kind of explore my sexuality outside of our heterosexual marriage. And it

Chelsea (33:16)
Mm

Britt (33:17)
Was it until I was talking to other trans and non -binary people that like I've realized that it's not a normal thing to question your gender unless you have a gender issue? You know, like I was and that was that was kind of the first thing for me that it was like, OK, so I don't fit into the mold. And that's why I don't feel like it fit into the mold. And it took a good year of me kind of living in that myself, kind of.

Chelsea (33:28)
Yeah.

Britt (33:46)
figuring out if I wanted to change my pronouns and what that looked like, if I even wanted to come out. And it wasn't until there was a kiddo who was beaten so badly to death that they committed suicide in March here in Oklahoma at a public school who was non -binary. And I went to all of the vigils for Nex Benedict, which is, -huh. So that was very local to me and went to all the vigils and

was posting about living in authenticity and how I was a safe space for other people. And I did not feel authentic to be able to say all of that when I wasn't living in my own authenticity. And so on like trans awareness day in March, on the last day of March, I came out and I was like, okay, I'm officially like, I'm done living not who I truly am in it.

shifted some things in my life and you figure out real quick who's there and who's not and what people think about that. And also at the same time I was completely blown away by the love and the support and the messages of people asking for like, it okay to say this? Is this okay? Is this gender affirming? Like it was amazing the messages I got from people I expected to get messages from like, yeah, okay, yeah you.

with all my Bible thumping friends for so long. then at the same time, you see some of those people who have actually come in and want to understand or want to love anyways. And it's been one of the most amazing but like difficult experiences because you really just see people for who they truly are, honestly.

Chelsea (35:15)
Yeah.

Yeah, I 100 % agree. I totally agree. And I think for people questioning like, how does this tie into parenting? It 100 % ties into parenting because

It goes back to something I asked you earlier, like what title do you use as a parent? Because when you're questioning your gender identity or you're discovering your gender identity, it forces you to really look at your relationship to your children and your spouse. so how did you sort of broach that with your kids? That as well as your mental health struggles, is that something that you talk about with your kids?

Britt (36:12)
yeah, definitely. I live by honesty and vulnerability is the best policy. I don't hide anything that I've been through from pretty much anybody because I just, I genuinely feel like there are some of my darkest moments and those are some of the hardest moments to share with people, but I feel like those are also the moments that I connect most with people and I make a difference in people's lives. And how can I...

Chelsea (36:23)
Mm -hmm.

Britt (36:39)
expect to do that for everybody around me, share my story on a podcast, talk to other parents who are struggling, and wall that off from my children. I just feel like I can't. And I feel like I shouldn't because when I am open with my children, like obviously I don't tell them everything and I haven't had, it's been very like age and like situation specific when I talk about gender and things like that. But I

Chelsea (36:49)
Mm -hmm.

Britt (37:08)
I feel like if I'm able to be my authentic self with them, it gives them the opportunity to be safe and authentic with me. And if I can come out and say, hey, you guys, I just realized this at 30 years old. My kid, if they realize this at 40, isn't going to be worried to come and tell me that they are discovering this later in their life. And that, for me, my entire goal to be a parent is to help guide my children through life.

to give them the skills to succeed in anything that they want to do in life. And if I'm not teaching them honesty and vulnerability and providing them a safe space to figure out that as they're in their childhood, then what the hell am I doing as a parent?

Chelsea (37:53)
Totally. Exactly. Again, it's...

It's us millennials trying to break some cycles and, and reparent ourselves. and what I love too is even from the get -go, from the start of this conversation, just how open and honest you were. Like we've never met. We've talked incredibly briefly before this. And seriously though, like, then you're just like, yeah, this is like, this is my life. And this is, I did some fucked up shit and, and now I'm, now I'm doing better.

Britt (37:59)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Chelsea (38:25)
and now I'm doing great and that applies to so many different things in life but it also like in terms of parenting you're gonna fuck up you're gonna fuck up and if you can't be honest about it with your kids then how can you expect them to be honest with you when they fuck up

Britt (38:43)
Mm -hmm. Well, and on that too, like, they then see even just the modeling that it is okay to fuck up. Like, it's okay to make a mistake. And I'm not going to never make a mistake as a mom. Not everything I say is gonna be right. Not everything I do is gonna be the right thing. Sometimes I'm gonna react emotionally because I'm a freaking human being.

Chelsea (38:51)
Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Britt (39:05)
So are my kids. Like that is a healthy, you know, we talk about so much anxiety and depression and mental health and all of that. And how much of that is part of it is yes, now I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that likes to mess stuff up. But also how much of that is literally 25 plus years of my conditioning being told that who I was as a human wasn't acceptable and that I needed to alter myself to fit into these defined roles.

And you can't, like you can't, you can't go through life being told that everything you are is awful and then expect to come out on the other side of it with an understanding and ability of humanhood and empathy and caring for others and doing all of these things that we should be doing as humans. And that's how we've gotten into this toxic ass situation in our lives and in our country where

We have completely stripped humanhood from humans because we've been told we have to fit in a certain way. You have to feel this way. You can't feel this way. You can do this. You can't do that. And we have all completely cut down ourselves to where we are a shell of the human. And how do we then expect people to have empathy for other humans in different situations when they can't even be connected with their own emotions and what they're going through?

It just perpetuates the systemic issue of hating and not taking care of other humans. to break that, and the first way we can do that is breaking it with our fucking kids. You know? Like, fix yourself and fix your freaking kids.

Chelsea (40:41)
Yep. Yeah.

to add to that, if you're listening to this right now and like, and you're in a shitty place and your mental health is in a shitty place, and that doesn't mean we're this is not we're not preaching. Brittany and I are not preaching. We're not saying like, this is how you do it, everybody. This is how you do perfect parenting. It just means take a look at yourself and your needs.

and what needs to be adjusted and when you're able to do that, do that and take your kids with you along for the ride. Be honest. Yeah.

Britt (41:18)
Mm -hmm. Yeah. And show them, like, your journey. Like, you can do that, too. I think that is the other thing. Like, like I said, my biggest regret when I was at the worst spot in my mental health was hiding that I was struggling so that I didn't impact those around me because I was so worried that if I told people I was struggling, I was going to be a burden to them and that my difficulty then would fall onto them.

And I so badly wanted to protect the people in my life that I did. I cut all of that out so that I could struggle alone and struggle in silence. that is the one thing I regret because I think if I would have been a little more open, even just a little bit more open that I was struggling or sought just a little more help, I think I could have made a big difference in the destruction that I did leave in a bad spot.

in a much less amount of time. I could have gotten the help that I needed. I did, I did get on medications and I did go through the therapy and all of that. But I also struggled for almost 10 years before I got to that point. And those aren't years you get back with your family. Those aren't years you get back with your kids. And ultimately, that's what I now go around and I speak and I teach on how to...

find connection in yourself because if you are unable to connect to your own needs and make sure that your own needs are met, you are not going to be able to do it for the people in your life. And you're only shorting them and you're only shorting yourself. I have this amazing like thing, you know, we always talk about pouring from an empty cup, right? You can't pour from an empty cup. Everybody's talking about this empty cup and we...

as a society tell people that like going and getting your nails done or going and getting a massage or whatever is filling your cup so that you can't pour from an empty cup. F the fucking empty cup. We need to be filling our cups so much that it is overflowing and that our overflow is what is filling those around us. We have got to stop putting these tiny little pours into our cup just so that we can dump out half of it and say that we don't have an empty cup.

Chelsea (43:21)
Mm -hmm.

Britt (43:30)
We as parents and as mothers in this situation, because as a mother, we're more talking about the type of relationship that you have in your children's life and in your home, regardless of your gender, we are taught to cut down our needs. We are, 100%. We are told, shut up, show up, do what you need to do, take care of the family, this all needs to be done, while other people are out working and providing for your family.

Chelsea (43:48)
Yes. Yes.

Britt (44:00)
And it's bullshit. It's such bullshit. Our filling of our cup should look like time to ourself every single day. You should have at least 10, 15 minutes where you can sit and quiet every day. Whatever that looks like in your home, whether you don't have a supportive partner that is giving you that time, whether you need to lock yourself in a bathroom and put your kids in front of a TV for 15 minutes, like that time is important for you. And we have to be

Chelsea (44:04)
It absolutely is.

Britt (44:30)
overflowing our cup if we want to fill the cups of others. And that's really how you do it without being compromised and feeling like you're constantly sacrificing. But you have to be connected to what you need and what fills your cup before you can do it.

Chelsea (44:43)
Yeah, 100%.

Again, for, for, I mean, a lot of my listeners are brand new parents, like thick in the trenches of it. And that may seem impossible right now. It may seem completely impossible. But, where Britney is coming from and where I'm coming from, I mean, I wouldn't say I'm on the other side. I'm definitely not on the other side. I'm still in it. But

Britt (44:53)
Mm

Chelsea (45:15)
I'm not in the thick of it anymore. There's all of that to say there is another side. There is another side and this isn't how you feel right in this second isn't forever. No.

Britt (45:22)
Mm -hmm.

It's not forever. It's not. honestly, those first, I call it the newborn coma, like the first three years of parenthood, you literally wake up, I swear on like your kid's third birthday and you're like, where the fuck have I been for three years? Because it is, it really is such a physical, mental, emotional, and literally hormonal change in your body that you're going through. And so,

Chelsea (45:43)
Yeah.

Britt (45:55)
It's rough, but you have to remind yourself it's not forever. And it is still taking that time to fill your cup. Your baby can sit in its crib for 15 minutes for you to go step outside and take a breath. Take your baby's monitor if you need to, but that is okay. That's fine to do. It's okay to leave your baby with somebody for a little bit. Pick somebody safe. There's amazing drop in daycare situations that are really, really great. I...

My husband is in the military, so I often don't have family or a community to leave people with, my kids with. You have to be intentional about like looking for that. Find another mom who's in the middle of the trenches who needs a frickin' 30 minutes herself. And on Wednesdays and Mondays, she goes and takes 30 minutes to go do whatever she needs to do. And then on Tuesdays and Thursdays, you take your 30 minutes. It doesn't have to look like spending money. Doesn't

have to look like paying people to come into your home. It doesn't have to look like going and getting your nails done. It's really just about taking that connection time. recommend, have you ever heard of the Mama Zen app? Okay, so Mama Zen is my hands down 100 % thing I recommend to every parent. They have

Chelsea (47:09)
No, I haven't.

Britt (47:20)
It's specifically, well, it was originally tailored toward moms, but now they have a dad zone and they even have like a couples zone. And then they even, my new favorite part is they have Zen Z, which is the kids zone. And what it is is it's a like hypnosis type situation that is geared towards certain things in parenting. So like I can open the app and I can say, okay, I'm having like really bad anxiety or my kid is, one of them is literally like how to have patience when your toddler, when they won't shut up, like no jokes.

Chelsea (47:26)
cool.

Yeah, I need that.

Britt (47:49)
Like it's great, one of them, yeah, one of them, like they have amazing ones for like pregnancy, breastfeeding, staying connected to your newborn, postpartum anxiety, depression, overcoming past generational trauma, and then they have ones that are like working through connection with your partner. I have been using it religiously for like two years, and it's amazing because I put it on right before I go to bed.

I don't have to add any additional time to my day. I'm not taking time away from my family. And it is like 12 to 16 minutes usually of like a self meditation and it puts me to sleep. And so like you get this like little therapy session in your brain and then you drift off to sleep. And it has been a game changer for my mental health, my patients. It's, I honestly hands down recommend it to everybody. So if you're in the thick of it, it is like a, I think it's like 15, not.

Chelsea (48:24)
Mmm.

Britt (48:42)
maybe it's like $5 .99 a month or something. Literally so, so, so worth it. If you're in the thick and you're just needing something that doesn't add time, they have like little short check -in ones. So they have like a three to five minute one that you can do in like the morning, sit literally, I lock myself in my bathroom, in my toilet room for five minutes before I go out to deal with my kids in the morning and we'll like get my mind right if I need to so that I go into it in a better spot.

we have to start getting better about calming our central nervous system. So that way when we come into a space, like we're not setting our kids off and you're already not at this elevated space where you're anxious and worked up and thinking about all the things that you have to do for the day. Because it's a lot. We have to do a lot. But 100 % would recommend the MamaZen app for sure.

Chelsea (49:30)
Yeah.

Mama Zen, okay, I'm going to, cause number one, I'm interested in it, but I'm going to find it and link it in the show notes as well for anyone who wants to check that out. I, a hundred percent as...

Britt (49:42)
Yes.

And the kids ones are great. They have them like getting through bullying, you're important, you are whatever. And so my kids will ask for their bedtime story. Can you put on one of our sleepy time stories? Because they absolutely love it. I'll put it on and it like talks them through like a little visualization and some deep breath and then it puts them to sleep. And I'm like that teaching your kid healthy coping skills. Now my kids know how to visualize something that I would have killed to know how to do that at seven years old. Are you kidding?

Chelsea (50:08)
Yes!

Yeah, yeah.

Britt (50:17)
And so it's just a really, I think they start at like three to four year olds. You can do like staying dry through the night one versus mm -hmm. Yeah, it's great.

Chelsea (50:24)
wow. Yeah, I mean, I've got a I've got a two year old and an almost nine year old. So and the nine I can definitely see my nine year olds like all about that. She she's really into that kind of stuff. And I am too. But I mean.

Britt (50:38)
Yes.

We should all be honestly we all need to get better about like just tapping in honestly

Chelsea (50:46)
Yeah. Yeah. this literally is like one of my favorite kind of episodes because I go in thinking, I try not to go in with any sort of preconceived notion, but I at least go in with like, okay, I have kind of an idea of where this might go. This has not gone in the direction that I thought it would at all, but it's gone in the best way. Like, yeah, like in the best way.

Britt (51:11)
Yay!

Chelsea (51:14)
because one, like, so for me, like I'm feeling jazzed, I'm feeling empowered. But what I what I love about episodes like this in particular is that a lot of the time,

my episodes are story sharing and it really is like I don't do a lot of the talking and that's cool. I'm comfortable with that. It's about my guests and it is still it's this is about you. But what this conversation can show to my listeners who really are still in that processing phase and are still like dealing with birth trauma and dealing with PTSD or dealing with postpartum mental health disorders is that you're going to get to a place where it's not that

Britt (51:36)
Mm -hmm.

Chelsea (51:57)
it's all okay. wasn't okay. None of it was okay. But you're gonna get to a point where you can laugh and where you can you can say I'm prioritizing me and you can say like, Hey, guess what I found out I'm gay or Hey, guess what I found out I really like to crochet or like, I mean, not that those two things it's not like a prep for you know what I mean? That was a really random thing.

Britt (52:14)
Yeah.

Yeah!

can't crochet if that helps, so. It's not a gay thing, but my 10 year old is one of the most incredible crocheters. But like, you know, that's what it is. It's just finding whatever fuels your fire. And that's gonna look different, and that's gonna take a lot of trial and error. But it's not like without reward, and like you will get to the day where you can leave your house without a diaper bag and a stroller, and like you're gonna feel great, and your kids are gonna be.

Chelsea (52:25)
I have no...

Yes.

Yes.

Britt (52:53)
out of the tantrum throwing, like, hate my life stage. It's tough. It is so tough.

Chelsea (53:00)
it. I'm in it again. Like, I waited so I know, I waited so long. I waited. My kids are seven years apart. And so yeah, I've got one kid who's tweening all over me with the eye rolls and the everything. And then I've got a two year old who is tantrumming, but also copying Big Sis. Yeah, so I get a lot of aww.

Britt (53:03)
Yeah, starting over is a whole... Yeah.

Mm -hmm

The 10, mm -hmm. Yeah, yeah, my oldest is 10. My oldest is 10 and my youngest just turned four yesterday. Yes! So yeah, no, it's a weird phase, but we're just finally out of the potty training. All of my kids are potty trained. I don't have to take a stroller anywhere. We just get up and leave now. Everybody can put their shoes on. What?

Chelsea (53:30)
Ugh, happy birthday!

that's so amazing.

my god, my god.

Britt (53:50)
Magic, you know, and it's, when you're going through it, like it is one punch after another and it is so, so freaking hard. But like, stay connected to yourself and like the connection with your kids, the connection with your partner, the connection with all of the difficult experiences, it shifts and it changes when you're finally looking at like, okay, how does this situation impact me?

And how do I feel about that? And why do I feel that way about that? And like, what am I going to do about it? When you get to this point where you actually can finally form all of those thoughts instead of being in survival mode, it's magical, but it's hard as hell in the middle of it. So like stay connected in any way that you can because what you don't use, you're going to lose. And so if you aren't staying connected through all of this difficult stuff, makes it much harder to stay connected when you get out to the other side of it.

Chelsea (54:49)
Yeah. Yeah. Something that you said earlier in terms of, connecting with other parents, they're...

Britt (54:49)
So hang in there friends, hang in there.

Chelsea (54:57)
a running theme through all of the seasons of this podcast and every episode is community and we need community. And some of us have that. I was very lucky to have a very strong support system later in life. But I had to build it.

And some people have that built -in support system. Some people just have it and always have had it. But for some of us, you need to build it. And like you said, like not wanting to be a burden, that is another very common thread, especially for new parents. You have to be brave.

You have to really, like really, really grit your teeth and look for, like Mr. Rogers said, look for the helpers. Because if you don't have the village, you've unfortunately, you've got to build it yourself. But once you do, it's going to make an incredible difference.

Britt (55:51)
Mm

Yeah, and I think that's the thing. We have been told our whole lives that our emotions, feelings, and things are a burden to others, right? From literally the second that you go into school, we are told not to show emotion. And so, of course, in our brain, that is the first place we go, that it's a burden to share these things. But I think anybody who's been through it and anybody who's been on the other side of it is going to tell you, you are not a burden.

and that your needs are important and that you only become a burden when you completely shut down to where you're unable to see how your shutting down has impacted those around you. That's when it becomes a problem because then you are so disconnected from yourself that you can't even help change the situation. And so having needs, the literal physical need to take a freaking break from your kid is

not a burden. And anybody who sees it as a burden, it shouldn't be in your life one, drop them and move along. But when you find those people who know what a burden caring for your kid can be, like they want to lighten that load. finding your village isn't about like being a burden or, but it's carrying the burdens of others. And it's, that's what true love is, is when you get to the point where you can be

Chelsea (57:02)
Mm -mm.

Britt (57:30)
authentically genuine and say, am struggling in this way. And somebody goes and says, yeah, that's really hard. Let me help you with that. Like, let me help carry that for you. Let me, like, you don't have to go through this on your own. Like, let's talk things out. How can I be there for you physically? But you have to put yourself out there because those of us who are also still living in the midst of all their shit too, can't see that you're hurting.

because they are trying to hide their hurt. And we all then just isolate each other instead of being there for each other. And instead of carrying that burden on your own, instead of worried about you being a burden, share your burden. Like, share it. That's what Village and Community's for.

Chelsea (58:01)
Yes! Yes!

Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. yes. Well, like I had it was like a shockwave. Like all of the thoughts bubbled up to my head. like, yeah, share your burden and and the narrative of don't you set it yourself. Don't talk about it. Don't talk about it. Don't talk about it. Don't talk about it. Even in terms of birth stories and whatever. Don't talk about it. Don't talk about it.

No, that's bullshit. That's absolute bullshit. Talk about it because I can guarantee you. Yes, you're gonna find people who had a wonderful experience. You're gonna find people who had a magical birth experience. You're gonna find people who absolutely adore being a mother. I don't know if I nested su - Yes!

Britt (58:50)
Mm

Somebody who's having an amazing breastfeeding experience. I'm a lactation consultant, so that's, I work with these people, and it is. It's so, just shut up and deal with your experience, and that's it.

Chelsea (59:13)
Well, it's like, it's, well, right. It's the only narratives we're seeing, we're being fed are the positive ones. And that's great. We're not trying to take away from that at all. Not at all.

Britt (59:25)
Right.

Chelsea (59:28)
But I guarantee you that you are going to find people who obviously did not go through the exact same thing that you went through, but who can be empathetic and compassionate and you can share the burden together. It's not trauma dumping, it's not trauma bonding, it's not that. It's like, hey, this is hard.

Britt (59:49)
Well, and even if it is, it's human connection. We're connecting on the one thing that makes us human, our emotional connection. That is the only thing that really differentiates us from animals out in the wild, right? Is our ability to feel and connect and emotionally reason in that way. It is okay to do that. We should be doing that. That is one of the most beautiful gifts we're given as human beings is our ability to share and connect in that.

Chelsea (59:53)
Yes.

Yeah.

Britt (1:00:20)
and the ability to share and connect and the difficulties of the human experience. Like, it's not, it's not, even if it is trauma bonding, right? Like we should be bonding. That's the whole freaking point of being a human is connecting to other humans. No, and I think, you know, we get to like,

Chelsea (1:00:33)
Yes, yes, this we're not meant to do this alone. No.

Britt (1:00:43)
I had gotten to this point where my story was so dark and so scary that I didn't want to share it with anybody because I didn't want to scare anybody away, right? Or I felt like it was my story and my trauma and I didn't want to share that. Like somehow that would make it less so. Like if I shared it, I don't know. didn't... That or like, I don't even know how to like actually describe it. But I think...

Chelsea (1:00:51)
Mm -hmm.

Like it would be less valid.

Britt (1:01:10)
you know, a fear too is that like you're worried about people discounting your trauma, right? Like, you went through that? Well, I went through something so much worse. You know, that is also a one thing, but also like on the flip side, if you don't have a traumatic story, you're worried about connecting to people who do have difficult stories because you can't feel like you can share the not difficult parts of your story, right? And in reality, like,

Chelsea (1:01:15)
Mm -hmm.

Yes. Yes.

Britt (1:01:39)
If we can all kind of share the beautiful and not so beautiful parts of our life together, makes those not so beautiful parts more livable. And you have a different perspective. You have different people commenting and connecting into that. And sharing that connection and that vulnerability is never going to be.

It's never going to be detrimental if you're sharing it in a safe space. so find your safe space. You've got to put yourself out there. And it's tough. It's really tough. It is. And you're going to be hurt by people too. You're going to find people who are going to discount your trauma. And you are going to find people who will take what you say, every vulnerable thing you say, and hurt you with it, because that's humans.

Chelsea (1:02:05)
Mm

It's scary, but... it's... yes!

Britt (1:02:28)
When you have a good community and you have one human that does that, you can then fall back on your other humans who are going to say, you know what, they really fucked up and they were a jerk and you shared these things and that wasn't right of them. But if you don't have that community, you fall back on your own and then that stuff gets in your head and then you continue to repeat that in your brain and it doesn't help. Find your people.

Chelsea (1:02:51)
Yes. And that's what we're trying to do. We're trying to build that through sharing our stories, which kind of like beautifully brings us full circle. I want to hear about, so that my listeners know what you are doing. I want to hear about your podcast. I want to hear about...

Britt (1:02:54)
Yes.

Chelsea (1:03:14)
You're a lactation consultant, so tell my listeners what you're up to right now and how they can find you so they can follow your journey.

Britt (1:03:24)
Yeah, absolutely. So my podcast is called the Odd Mom Pod, or anywhere that you get your podcasts. I have 21 episodes out currently, and I'm taking a break because I'm starting grad school today. So yeah, I'm nuts. It's one of these things, right, where things calm down, and then I'm like, I'm going to throw more shit in for me to do.

Chelsea (1:03:44)
Yup. Yup.

Britt (1:03:46)
So now that I'm like, I'm out of diapers, I'm in this great place in my parenting, and now I'm going back to college because I'm insane. Yeah, I'm telling myself that. So my podcast is the Odd Mom Pod. I like to interview other parents and professionals who have different resources or parenting experiences just to help break generational norms, give different resources. really like it.

Chelsea (1:03:53)
No, you're not. It's all gonna, it's gonna be worth it. It's gonna be worth it.

Britt (1:04:15)
interviewing different authors and things like that so people know where to go for resources. So feel free to check that out and more is coming hopefully in the next month or so after I get my life a little more stable. You can also find that at theoddmompod .com which is the direct website. I do public speaking so britsandaval .com that's where I teach. I go into corporations or women's groups or support groups or

Chelsea (1:04:25)
You

Britt (1:04:42)
ERG or DEI groups and corporations. And I teach my four A's to unlocking abundance, which is where I kind of talk people through the process of self connection and how to live that out in their authenticity and their leadership or in getting leveraged through what they're doing in their lives. So you can find more information on that at BrittSandoval .com. I'm also on LinkedIn at Britt Sandoval and Instagram at BrittSandovalSpeaks. And then my lactation and

feeding business, I'm yourfeedingfriend .com. I am big on supporting families and their feeding choices, no matter what that looks like, whether that's G -tube, bottle, breast, exclusively pumping, all of that. I'm local here in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, where I see people, but I also do virtual consultations and take most major insurances. If anybody wants to look on there, that's yourfeedingfriend .com.

Chelsea (1:05:37)
it. All of those will be listed in the show notes. So check those out. And the question that I actually picked, I'm actually going to ask my wrap up quite usually I like give myself options for my wrap up question, but this one it fits. So yay. so to bring us home, if you could go back in time.

Britt (1:05:48)
Yay!

Chelsea (1:06:04)
all the way back before you had kids, before your diagnosis and all of this. And you could instill something within yourself. You can't tell yourself what's gonna happen. You can't tell yourself where you're gonna be today, but you can instill something within yourself. What would that be?

Britt (1:06:22)
Dang, that's a good question. Honestly, I'd probably say stay connected to yourself. I think that would have been, that was something I was never taught to do. was never taught to prioritize myself or my needs. I was never prioritized to feel my own feelings or even name.

Chelsea (1:06:25)
It can literally be anything.

Britt (1:06:50)
What I was feeling, like that was not something we were taught in school like it is now. Like we didn't, we weren't taught feelings. So I think that would have been the big thing is find a way to stay connected to yourself because I think that would have really prevented a lot of the darkest, deepest parts of where I was when I was so alone and so isolated and unable to even connect to myself. Those were the hardest parts for me, I think in my journey and

Chelsea (1:06:52)
No. Yeah.

Britt (1:07:19)
why I'm so big and advocate so much on staying connected to yourself because honestly at the end of the day, we can't control our situation. We can't control our circumstances. We can't control the words that people have said to us in our past. But we can control the thoughts that we have on repeat in our head. And we can control our own reactions. And so you have to figure out

how you can connect to yourself in whatever way that looks for you and make intentional action to do it every day. And at the end of the day, you're gonna get yourself through anything that you go through. And you're gonna get through a lot easier and with a lot less turmoil if you're able to identify your needs and kind of meet them through that, even if it's gonna be really hard.

Chelsea (1:08:12)
I think that is perfect. I mean, can't judge, I'm not the judge of what people would instill in themselves, but it's very on brand. It's very much like your whole message throughout this whole chat. So yeah.

Britt (1:08:26)
I mean, that's the goal, right? You gotta figure out your one thing that way. And that's what it is. You gotta figure out your one thing that like you have to remind yourself that's on repeat in your brain. And that's mine. Like, am I connected? Am I connected? Is my set? What? You have to like check in, check in with yourself. This is tough, man. And it's, especially when you're in that mom role, if you're a stay at home mom, there are different challenges to that because you have less of an outlet for yourself mentally and emotionally when you're day in and day out with your kids.

Chelsea (1:08:40)
Yeah.

Britt (1:08:56)
Staying connected to yourself in that situation is really, really difficult. On the flip side, being a working mom, you already have so much guilt or whatever that you're dealing with with being away from your kids. You struggle with like, okay, now I'm gonna take an extra hour away from my kids to go to a yoga class. Yes, you should, because when you get home, you're gonna be in a much better spot for your kids mentally. And so it's finding that self -connection and whatever that looks like and just being intentional about it.

Chelsea (1:09:03)
Yeah.

Yep. I love it. I love it. I say that all the time. I really need to think of a new it's like my catchphrase. I love it. not really. I kind of think of something better. But anyway, Brittany, thank you so much for sharing your journey for sharing your joy, like your joy and and I don't even know if I want to call it joy, but your spark.

Britt (1:09:29)
You

Chelsea (1:09:50)
has sparked me, which is amazing. I'm going to carry that through my day. So thank you so much for that. And yeah, I'm really excited for listeners to be able to hear your story.

Britt (1:10:03)
Thanks so much for allowing me to come on. I love being able to share and help people realize that they're not alone in all of this and that like where you're at now isn't the end of the road and there is a tomorrow and a next day and the next day and every day is going to be unprecedented but like just keep pushing through.

Chelsea (1:10:23)
Brittany, I had an absolute blast chatting with you. Your authenticity and spark radiate, and I'm thankful that I was able to take a piece of that with me after our recording. I hope that new parents are able to internalize the message of hope you offer when letting them know that there are better days ahead and that we are all worthy of self -connection and care. Listeners, please check out the show notes to find out where you can follow Brittany on their journey.

You can keep up with us on Quiet Connection by following us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and threads at Quiet Connection Podcast. You can help our community grow by leaving us a rating or review on Apple podcasts and Spotify, and consider sharing our episodes on social media. To share your personal journey, you can contact us through our website at quietconnectionpodcast .com or by email at quietconnectionppmh at gmail .com.

Join us next time when another story is told and you realize you are not alone. I see you.