Quiet Confessions, Episode 31: Back Behind The Mic

From missing Thanksgiving and family parties to navigating the "reentry anxiety" of the holiday season, this episode explores the intentional boundaries Chelsea and their husband have set to protect their health while raising two "neuro-sparkly" children. It is a candid look at the intersection of parenting, disability, and the profound impact of simple acts of consideration from friends and community members. 

🗝️Key Takeaways

• The High Stakes of Common Viruses: For those who are immune-compromised and chronically ill, a simple virus can result in weeks of total isolation and physical exhaustion.
• Adrenal Insufficiency & Steroid Stress: Chelsea details the "nightmare" of having to increase steroid intake to help their non-functioning pituitary gland fight infection, leading to intense physical and "ragey" symptoms.
  
  
• Medical PTSD Triggers: Being confined to bed due to illness can be deeply triggering for those with medical trauma, often mirroring the isolation of a difficult postpartum recovery.
• Leaning into the Village: Recovery requires a radical acceptance of help. Chelsea shares their journey of becoming better at asking for support from family and their husband for daily tasks they physically could not perform.
  
  
• Intentional Health Boundaries: Living as a chronically ill parent involves strict hygiene protocols, such as masking in specific settings, using hand sanitizer, and teaching kids about germ safety to limit exposure.
  
  
• The Impact of Consideration: Small gestures, like a friend proactively putting on a mask without being asked, can take a massive emotional weight off a chronically ill person's shoulders.

💬Sound Bites

• "A virus is a very different experience when you are immune-compromised... even the tiniest cold becomes this ridiculously long exile from my own life."
• "I had to up my steroids... which was its own nightmare of physical symptoms and ragey symptoms."
• "Anytime I am super sick and I can't leave my bed, it is incredibly triggering for me. I get flashbacks."
• "I'm still on day three of a horrible headache... since my pituitary tumor, I will get a migraine that'll usually last the day, then a lingering headache for three or four days."
• "When people take the initiative and don't get offended or don't even make it a thing... it takes a huge weight off my shoulders."

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:37)
Hey, welcome back to an episode of Quiet Confessions. 30 minutes or less of you and me hanging out, catching up, and just holding space for each other. I've been away for a while. You guys have had some episodes that I had sitting in the vault. You had an episode from my husband, Ben.

And all of that because for three and a half weeks I was so sick. I'm just barely getting my voice back now. So again, apologies if this isn't quite the caliber you're used to, but I'm just excited to be back with you guys. I'm excited to have a voice. I'm excited to not have to use the text to voice app on my phone anymore. Um, my, my kids were

starting to think I was a robot, but I'm here, I'm back, and I'm gonna talk about it a little bit. It's not gonna be depressing, it's not gonna be a complaining fest, but just kinda catch you up where I've been, what I've been up to, and what I've got in store moving forward.

So yeah, guess bottom line is, holy cannoli Batman, was I sick? And no, I did not have COVID. I tested negative for COVID, flu, strep, all the things. It was just a virus, but a virus is a very different experience when you are immune compromised and being disabled and chronically ill.

and immune compromised makes even the tiniest cold into this ridiculously long like exile from my own life. my gosh, all of my plans and I am a planner, if you know me, all of my plans got turned on their head. I had to cancel and reschedule more guests than I can count which

always hits me really hard. hate having to do that. But that's why I tell everyone who is a guest or is considering being a guest and sharing their story, if anyone understands that life happens, that'd be me. So the constant revolving door of scheduling and rescheduling, when I have to do it myself, it's hard for me. But when others have to do it, it is not a problem. I completely understand.

But not only did I have to reschedule that, I had to reschedule like appointments for my kids. I had to reschedule my own appointments. I had to adjust some things ⁓ that have to do with the work I'm doing with Postpartum Support International. And again, I can't wait till I can tell you more about that, but everything was just a mess. I mean, I...

We missed Thanksgiving with my family because the kids were sick. And then very shortly after that, I started getting sick and we, just felt like we were missing event after event. or at least I was, I wasn't able to go with the kids. The kids went to like family birthday parties with my husband. And I was quite literally in my bed for the better part of two weeks. ⁓ the third week there, was.

I was able to come out a little bit more, but my husband was noting that randomly got a notification. have the little tile trackers with life 360 ⁓ for our keys. And he was like, I got a notification that you left the house and I'd never gotten one before. I was like, yeah, that's because I haven't left the house in over two weeks. And.

And we just got these. So yeah, that I left the house to go to an appointment for the first time. And so, yeah, that's why you're getting that. But no, I didn't leave the house. I did go to the doctor in the very beginning, but there wasn't really much they could do. I had to up my steroids. So being adrenal insufficient means ⁓ I mean, my pituitary glands does not function at all. It is dead. So ⁓ I don't I don't make

the hormones that I need to make to do anything properly, but to fight a virus, I apparently can't do that either. So I had to up my steroids, which was its own nightmare ⁓ of physical symptoms and ragey symptoms. And then I had to work on coming back down. And again, fun for anyone who's ever had to do that before.

all the while accepting the reality that like I could not be the parent that my kids needed me to be because I couldn't even really take care of myself. So once again, I was leaning into my village and my family and the people that I can count on and I'm getting better at that. It is still not easy for me to ask for or accept help, but I am getting a lot better.

Um, every request comes with a caveat at the end, like no pressure. You don't have to. but I am much better at reaching out to the people that I know I can count on. And that looks like my husband working from home some days. He's very fortunate that he, I mean, he can do that. It's, it's not ideal, but, um, when he has to, he can. And leaning on family members and just people.

to help me get the kids to and from school or, you know, getting dinner on the table and all the things that I really couldn't do. I was quite literally in bed, which comes with its own triggers, to be completely honest with you. again, it's much better than it was even a year ago, but my whole postpartum experience being so physically ill, which then fed into being mentally ill,

I was confined to my bedroom for quite a while ⁓ when I came home from the hospital after having my youngest. So anytime I am super sick and I can't leave my bed, it is incredibly triggering for me. I get flashbacks. I have to use my DBT skills, remind myself of dead end thinking and not catastrophizing. And so yeah, not only am I

physically trying to recover at the time, but I'm also like mentally trying to get my brain where it needs to be and trying to rest and rest is hard for me. I like to get things done. But yeah, watching others do what I feel like I'm supposed to do is really, really difficult for me. ⁓ I am a doer. I am a get things done.

type of person. also realize I have to let go of this, but like I am of the mentality, like I have to get it done this way because if it doesn't get done this way, then it's not done properly. And that's not true. ⁓ Again, I'm getting better. But yeah, I kind of was like just completely absent from my life.

Anything you saw posted on social media was either scheduled in my social media management app that I use or site or whatever you want to call it. Or it was just me in bed scrolling and sharing things because I didn't have anything better to do. I did. I did get it together in time to like bust out wrapping for Christmas, wrapping the presents.

⁓ and my husband helped with that, but that was exhausting. And I was able to attend my family Christmases. I come from a divorced family and we also celebrate with my husband's family. So there are a few Christmases to attend.

We have whittled it down to just a few. It used to be like six or seven, which was ridiculous. But I was able to enjoy, for the most part, the holidays with my husband's family, my mom's family, and my dad's family. But it was close. It was cutting it pretty close. ⁓

And then there's always this like anxiety around reentry, I guess, if you want to call it that. Like once you start feeling a little bit better or I shouldn't assume once I start feeling a little bit better, I feel like I have to completely overcompensate and make up for everything that I wasn't able to do when I was sick. And then I end up ultimately pushing myself too far.

and either navigating a flare or just being so exhausted that I'm like in bed at four o'clock. ⁓ I hadn't napped in probably close to a year and I'm back to napping regularly again. Naps are great, you guys. If you can take a nap, take a nap, even if it's 15 minutes. ⁓ But yeah, my body is still recovering and

Like currently I'm on day three of a horrible headache. That's kind of a new symptom in terms of since my pituitary tumor, ⁓ I will get a migraine. It'll start with a migraine that'll usually last the day. And then I'll have a lingering headache for at least three or four days after that. And you kind of just learn to function through it, which is what I'm trying to do, but it's exhausting. It's absolutely exhausting.

I mean, all of it is a lot and it's why I have boundaries set up and I have precautions that I take to make sure I limit my exposure to, you know, germs as much as I can with two kids who are in school. And with that comes shame and guilt and a fear that people won't understand. Luckily,

most of the people in my life are incredibly understanding and I don't feel like I need to over explain. There are definitely people in my life that I don't necessarily feel like they understand 100 percent, but that's its own thing and whatever. That's its own journey. I, me and my husband, we are both so intentional with

you know, our lifestyle since this is my reality now. Like we limit exposure as much as we can and that doesn't mean that we're like walking around in plastic bubbles, but I have a dedicated mask that I purchased that you can replace the filters. ⁓ And each filter is like designed for different settings and whatever, like environmental settings.

So I mask when I need to mask. And I ask before I go to a function, like, could you please let me know if anyone in your home is sick? Or if you're not comfortable doing that, like, I'll mask. I'm not asking you to mask. We use hand sanitizer anytime we go to the store or if we go to an event or anything, we get in the car and we put our hand sanitizer on. We're really...

strict with our kids about hand washing and nose picking and face picking and we have we are as I've told you many times a neuro sparkly household so everything goes in our mouths and in our noses not mine but our kids so we talk a lot about hand washing and and hygiene and how to help not spread germs ⁓

We also don't want to create fear around that kind of thing, because that's not the goal either. It's just about like being respectful and considerate of other people's health, because we don't know. We don't know what anybody's situation is and they know what my situation is. They see how it affects mom. so yeah, like we don't, I don't feel like we go overboard. I definitely lay most of the responsibility on me.

in terms of keeping myself safe, but I'm so appreciative when others are considerate. ⁓ I just went and saw a friend yesterday who you'll hear more about. ⁓ If you're not subscribed to our newsletter, you definitely should be because we have like a little community shout out where I share resources and just I highlight people who are making a difference in some pretty profound ways. So this friend is one of those friends.

and I just went to see her yesterday for some bodywork and massage. And I had offhand mentioned that I had just like, yeah, I just. I'm coming off of a three and a half week virus. And she immediately went and got a mask and I said, you don't need to do that. And she goes, no, my, one of my kiddos had a fever like a week ago.

It was only a 24 hour thing, but like, don't want to take any chances. And over and over again, I kept saying like, thank you so much. Please don't feel like you have to do that. And she was like, absolutely not. I want you to relax. I want you to feel comfortable and I'm happy to do this. So when people kind of take the initiative and don't get offended or don't even make it a thing, it's, ⁓ it takes a huge weight off my shoulders.

so yeah, again.

This feels kind of rambly, that's where I've been. I've been out of commission. I even had my, the podcasting network that I work with, Podmatch, reach out to me like, Hey, we haven't seen you on the site in a little while. Is everything okay? I was like, yeah, I've just been really sick, which is by the way, so incredibly.

sweet that they care. mean, this, love pod match. You've heard ads about pod match. ⁓ if you listen to the show, but their founders, Alex and Alicia treat their, their cus I don't even want to say customers. They treat everyone in pod match, like family members. So like for them to reach out and be like, Hey, we haven't seen you on the site in a little while. Are you okay? I am also a pretty active user on the site. So it is unusual for me to not be on there.

But yeah, and I connected with them and they also sent me an email back like, my gosh, I'm so sorry. We've been fighting this virus too, but it sounds like you've got it pretty tough and we're thinking about you and yeah. It means a lot. That kind of thing means a lot. And I mean, you know, my whole thing is connection and creating community. So that's just another example of that. But I'm back. My voice is coming back. The more I use it during the day.

the less I have it in the evening so I'm trying to be careful and intentional. But I'm back, I'm back you guys and I've got some fun little mini episodes, little confessions lined up that I'm hoping to record over the next couple of days and so that you guys will get to hear them. But you know the drill at this point.

Please get your emotional support water bottle that I hope you have recently washed or switched out and refill it and do something nice for yourself today. Whether it's eating leftover Christmas cookies or candy that you snagged from your kids stocking or stash or whatever it is. It doesn't have to be food either. Watch a comfort show. Do something. Do something nice for you.

Thanks for letting me hang out with you today.