Breaking Barriers in Maternal Mental Health - Stella's Story

When Stella Faulkner became a mom, she had no idea how much old trauma and new stress would collide. She joined a partial hospitalization program at The Motherhood Center after reaching her breaking point, which ultimately saved her life. But Stella didn’t stop there. She turned her recovery into action, becoming a certified peer specialist, postpartum doula, and founder of DOWA Health, an app designed to make mental health tools and support accessible to all parents, no matter where they are in their journey.

In this episode of Quiet Connection, Stella honestly shares her story, why she rejects the label "PMAD," the impact of cultural stigma on her mental health, what skills worked for her, and the vision behind DOWA. This conversation is about resilience, accessibility, and the power of mothers supporting mothers.

🗝️Key Takeaways

• Trauma resurfacing in parenthood isn’t always a PMAD—old wounds can collide with new stress.
• Accessibility is one of the biggest barriers in maternal mental health. Programs like partial hospitalization can save lives, but they aren’t widely available.
• Skills like CBT and DBT don’t work for everyone—finding individualized, multimodal approaches matters.
• Peer support, community, and hearing another mother’s voice can be life-saving.
• DOWA Health is reimagining support by offering tools, coaching, and peer voices right in your pocket.

🔊Soundbites

• “The program saved my life. EMDR helped me recover.” – Stella
• “I don’t like calling it a PMAD, because for many of us it’s old trauma resurfacing, not just motherhood.” – Stella
• “Sometimes all you need is to hear another mom’s voice saying, ‘I’ve been there, too.’” – Stella
• “What you’re sharing is not small—it can change the trajectory of someone else’s life.” – Stella

This episode discusses topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Please check the show notes for more information and be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

Visit our Patreon to help support our mission to normalize the conversation and end the stigma surrounding PMADs!

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (01:29)
Hello, today I'm here with Stella. Stella, how are you?

Stella (01:35)
I'm good. I'm a little bit under the weather, but you know, coming back around, hopefully very soon.

Chelsea Myers (01:41)
Yeah, we were just talking about that. It's as we're recording this, it is fall, it is back to school, and everyone is sick. Everyone is sick all the time.

Stella (01:50)
Yes, yeah,

I know, I feel it.

Chelsea Myers (01:54)
Yeah, it's not fun, but that's parenthood for you. So listeners, if you can't tell, I do know Stella a little bit. We've been working together a little bit and we'll get into what that's all about, but I don't like to introduce my guests. I like to give them the opportunity to introduce themselves. So if you could let us know who you are, what you're up to today, but also who you were before you were a parent.

Stella (02:23)
Okay, that's a very long answer. Okay, where to begin? I was born on, I'm just kidding. My name is Stella Faulkner. I'm the founder of DOWA a maternal and mental health company. ⁓ Previously, I was also the founder of a company called Mixlabs that still exists. ⁓ And I worked in tech for a very long time. I love building products that...

Chelsea Myers (02:25)
Right?

Stella (02:51)
bring people joy and help It's kind of like I've always worked on mission-driven companies. I had my son a couple years ago, he's going to be four soon, and I went through some, you know, as people do, traumatic experiences that really impacted my mental health. And it was during the time when I was also a relatively new mom.

My son was one and half at the time and I became very unwell. It's like the nicest way to put it. And I ended up going to a program that ultimately saved my life. And I was very lucky to be able to go to this specific program because it was for moms. ⁓ They took moms from prenatal to up to three years old. So I was lucky to be eligible to go there.

I met some wonderful people there, wonderful mothers. I really, you know, attribute my recovery to the mothers that I met there. And so when I discharged, became a certified mental health peer specialist. So I actually help other moms now through recovery and I did that pro bono. And, I also became certified postpartum doula and certified lactation educator, not necessarily because I want to do all those things, but I want to be as helpful as possible.

depending ⁓ where the mom's at, ⁓ whoever I'm supporting. So yeah, all of those things kind of led me to build this new company could ultimately help moms wherever they are, ⁓ reducing barriers to access because of cost or whatever it is, and really just trying to fill the gaps in care that I had.

Yeah, it's just, you know, I'm just trying to pay it forward and we'll see how it

Chelsea Myers (04:42)
Well, it's incredible is what it that is how Stella and I connected was through DOWA. And I'm super excited about all of the developments that it has gone through and where it is now. It is now an You will have heard at this point, you will have heard ads for DOWA on the podcast. But beyond that, beyond that getting to you, Stella, yeah, I just

I think one of the things that I admire about you so much is how driven you are to serve others. Like that we need more people like that. don't know. you. You'll know at this point. I'm not a fan of silver linings. I don't like that whole idea. But like when you talk about like, I went through these experiences and then I came out of it and was like, I'm going to do something about this. I'm going to do something about this. So it doesn't justify what happened, but just the attitude of like, yeah, I can.

turn this into something that's gonna help someone else. So I so admire that. I wanted to hit on, said, your little one is almost four and you were talking about how after having, and again, I'm sorry, brain fart, son having him. Okay. I told you, see, this is just how I roll. ⁓

Stella (05:57)
Yes, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (06:03)
So after having him, you went through some struggles, but I know that you don't specifically attribute it to PMADS or what we call perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. You kind of had a history with mental health struggles, correct? You did not.

Stella (06:19)
No, no, I didn't. No,

I did not. Yeah. I mean, I probably did just never, you know, I'm Asian. like, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, like, my parents are immigrants, like, etc, etc. There's a, if you know, if anyone Asian or Asian American or children of immigrants is listening, like, I think they'll kind of get it. But

Chelsea Myers (06:30)
We can get into the cultural stigma of that, yeah.

Yeah.

Stella (06:46)
But no, had never even been to therapy before. So I went from like, well, I know that's not true. I had actually started therapy because I was worried about getting postpartum depression. So when I became pregnant, I knew that people get postpartum depression. I knew it was like a thing. And I wanted to be as prepared as possible. So, because I have a high pressure job at the times, I was running my last company. So I actually started seeing a therapist.

Chelsea Myers (06:50)
Okay.

Okay.

Stella (07:14)
And, you know, like it was helpful, of course. But what happened after it was, it was just like a little too much. And I think that compounded with being this new parent, you know, just really, I don't know, like things just got like out of my control. And as many moms know, like when you have a

a baby have a child for the first time, your whole schedule is out the door. If you were someone, I'm a type A person, everyone tells me that. So if you were someone who's always on a schedule or works crazy hours you know, you can always burn off the steam, right? You can go run five miles, you can go to kickboxing class. There's actually things that you can do. You can sleep.

But when you have a kid, you your sleep schedule's off, you're more tired, you know, you have this whole other person that you have to take care of now. And they don't necessarily care about your calendar. You know, they don't care that, you know, if they're hungry, they're going to stay, they're hungry and they're going to wail until they get their food. Right? There's no like reasoning with them when they're so young. ⁓ Even now, my son's almost four. Can reason with him a little bit more, but it's still.

challenging, you know? So yeah, like all those things, you know, when you could pattern all those things, I think that it's been very difficult for caregivers, you know, I talk about mothers, but let's just say caregivers, because obviously, there are people who are taking care of their parents. And it's also very challenging, you know, depending what what stage or state that they're in. So it's just really, really difficult, right? It really upends your life, your, you know, just all the things that you had as you know, in place for self care.

You just can't really do that stuff anymore. so yeah, I mean, you know, even my therapist would not diagnose me as having a PMAD And maybe it was because, you know, when I first got to the program, I was, my son was already a year and a half years So not exactly in that perinatal stage. My trauma was not specific to motherhood.

Maybe that was part of it. I don't know, but for whatever reason, it was not specifically a PMAD. And I try to be very clear that it was not a PMAD because I would not want to misrepresent, especially if someone is going through a PMAD. You know what mean? I also don't like the word PMAD because it has the word mad in it as And the other thing is that

Chelsea Myers (09:43)
Mm-hmm.

Stella (09:53)
There's another reason why I don't like the word PMAD It's that I feel like it's kind of like this blanket statement and it doesn't honor necessarily the past traumas that someone might have that have now surfaced as they've become a parent. And so it's like, oh, it's a PMAD, you it's because you're pregnant. It's because you just had a baby. It's like, it's because of this whole thing. think for a lot of, you know, mothers, new mothers,

It's actually a lot of old trauma that came up, you know, and that's why I don't like calling it PMAD because it's like, let's say, let's say there was like a perpetrator, okay? Let's say someone caused you this trauma, which usually there is someone, right? It's almost like giving that person a pass, right? That's the way that I interpret it. That's why I don't like the word PMAD that much ⁓ because it doesn't, not that it's putting blame on the parent.

Chelsea Myers (10:29)
Mm-hmm.

Mm, mm-hmm.

Stella (10:46)
But it's almost like it's putting blame or the issue with just motherhood ⁓ versus all the other things that contributed to it. And that could have been childhood trauma. That could have been so many things in your life that you've held onto or really pushed down and have now But the person or people or whatever was the event that caused that trauma,

Chelsea Myers (10:53)
Mm-hmm.

Stella (11:14)
you know, there's still the cause of it. It's not because of the PMAID. It's not because you're a mom. It's because of these events or people. So yeah, I just, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (11:17)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, no. I love, I love to, I know that a lot of people don't love that sensation of like getting something I like the opportunities when I, when I assume incorrectly because it, I get to learn so much. So like in assuming that you had a history with mental health, I now have learned so much more about how you feel about PMADS, how you feel about the word, how you feel about,

the circumstances because that is an area of parenthood and caregiving that also is not talked about. So just as stigmatized as perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, there is like trauma, like you said, trauma resurfacing in parenthood and parent overwhelm or parent burnout and how those things can contribute to negative mental health outcomes.

on their own without it having to be perinatal depression or anxiety or OCD or any of those things. I had a guest who like wholeheartedly was like, I did not have postpartum depression. I was depressed, but I did not have postpartum depression. And that was really fun to unpack. And I feel like this is going to be an interesting thing to unpack for similar reasons, because like you said, like,

There are other contributing factors, but the stress of motherhood compounds and can be the catalyst to the breakdown or to the breaking point. I don't even like the word breakdown. It gives you these images that's, yeah, right.

Stella (13:00)
Yeah. Or, you know,

it's the inability to recover. Right? Because you're so busy with mom stuff. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (13:04)
Yeah!

Yes.

Yeah. So, so for you, you know what, let's, I'm, I'm going to stick to a timeline. I'm going to try not to go down too many rabbit holes, but you were proactive. You did seek out a therapist. Even with cultural stigma, you were still like, Hey, this is a possibility. I'm going to get on top of you had your son

Did you start noticing that shift of like, ⁓ my God, I am not on top of things. I am. Yeah.

Stella (13:41)
Bye.

It was, I had a specific event a year and a half after, like when all the cards kind of like came falling down kind of thing. There was like a specific event that happened and it was kind of like the breaking point of that event. And again, not related to motherhood.

Chelsea Myers (13:48)
Okay.

Stella (14:00)
Yeah, yeah. But you know, when I first had my son, you know, I was still kind of working. So maybe some things that like, I didn't have time to process because I had this new baby and I was still working. But but yeah, ultimately, like I was okay. But it was really this event that happened like a year and a half later. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (14:01)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and then you had the opportunity to go to a program that was specific to, it was specific to perinatal mental health, like, I think it was in New York, correct?

Stella (14:39)
Yeah, it was at this place called the Motherhood Center, which not many exist in the US. It's like one of three maybe. But they have this program called PHP, which stands for partial hospitalization program. And basically the way it's set up is that you go in for five days a week, Monday to Friday, for five hours a day. They do have a child care person, if you have a newborn infant.

Chelsea Myers (14:47)
Yeah.

Stella (15:07)
that they'll watch the baby while you join the group therapy. But it's a mix of group therapy and then there's individual therapy as well. There's also family therapy and there's psychiatry ⁓ if you wanna go on medication of any kind. ⁓

I was there for probably, I was there for like two months. Yeah, and I did not want to go Well, like who does? And take, again, from pregnancy to up to three years old. Most perinatal programs only take you from pregnancy to the first year after birth. So I was very lucky that

Chelsea Myers (15:28)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Stella (15:48)
this program was able to take me, given that I'm not in the quote unquote perinatal stage. And the way that they kind of positioned it to me was that if you go somewhere else, you're going to be with like, you know, a 22 year old person, like a 50 year old man, like, like, having the commonality of being all women, similar age ish, all

moms or trying to become moms, having that commonality will be really helpful. And so I ended up going there. And also, a friend of mine, a good friend of mine, she noticed that something was wrong over a text message and she knew about this place. And it's because of her that I went to this place and all these like I was saved or whatever. So it's really like, I'm very, very thankful to her, of course.

⁓ completely. yeah, like the program, it's funny, like I've kind of been like a tomboy my whole life. So most of my friends have always been guys and this is like all women. was never in a sorority. So it was basically like, it's like my eight weeks of sorority. That's what I call it. But I'd never been around so many women in my whole life. But it was great. It was great. had a

Chelsea Myers (16:58)
Hahaha

Stella (17:09)
I don't want say I had a great time, but it was like a mental health program, but I met some really great people and I'm still, you know, close with them and hang out with them. And, ⁓ we're all still, you know, we're still very supportive of each other. And of course, like, you know, just because you come out of the program, you're not like cured, you know, there was still a long process of recovery after that. ⁓ and you still go through dips, but everyone goes through dips, you know what mean? But I think when you go through dips after.

Chelsea Myers (17:36)
Mm-hmm.

Stella (17:39)
experience like that, the dips are scarier because you know how far that dip can go. Right? So when you get into a dip, you're just like, ⁓ shoot, shoot, like, ⁓ am I okay? Like, you know, like there's slight panic that can come up because you don't want to go back to that. Right? You don't want to go back to that, you know, intrusive thoughts or any of those things. And so you're, you're like,

Chelsea Myers (17:47)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Stella (18:07)
you're like hyper aware like when you're dipping.

Chelsea Myers (18:11)
Yeah, well, and I so I also did a partial hospitalization program after being inpatient three separate times. So, ⁓ yeah, that that's its own thing. But I would I would assume ⁓ and I'd love to know a little bit more to like the the skills because they do a lot of skill building in those programs. ⁓ My program specifically did

DBT therapy, so dialectical behavioral therapy. And those tools are supposed to equip you for when you discharge and you do go through those dips and you're like, okay, all right, I know what this is. Like this is what's supposed to happen, right? You're like, I recognize this for what this is. I know what this is. I have the tools. I can cope with this. It doesn't always look like But what were some of the most beneficial tools that you kind of

picked up while you were in this program.

Stella (19:07)
wow. I really think about that. I was the person that asked too many questions. So I feel like I was testing them. I'm pretty sure some of the therapists have found me incredibly annoying. Because I didn't understand some of the things because it was like, there was one specific thing, but they were like, if you do this,

Chelsea Myers (19:10)
Hahaha

Stella (19:33)
you get XYZ and I was like, yeah, but if you do it this way, you're still doing it the way that you explained, but then you get ABC. then, so I got to think about which ones, because we did CBT and DBT. And I think learning about the fight or flight was very beneficial for me. ⁓ I had a really big problem with radical acceptance only because of the name of it.

Chelsea Myers (19:50)
Okay.

Me too, Stella. Yes. Me. Okay. So I don't know if this will resonate with you. I was so mad and I even completed the program and I still was like, no, I'm like, no, I don't. I am not radically accepting any of this. Me and my therapist later rebranded it as radical acknowledgement. Right? Does it feel a little bit better? Like I'm like,

Stella (20:02)
I'm like, needs like a marketing person.

Okay, that's better. Yeah, it feels a little

bit better. Because it's like, like, why do I have to accept this? Right? Like, that goes against. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Acknowledgements better. Yeah, I like that. I like that.

Chelsea Myers (20:34)
Yes, like no! No, I don't accept this!

That's so funny.

Yeah, I don't know. That's just what worked for me. I didn't mean to interrupt you, but I was like, my God, yes, I hate radical acceptance. I hate it so much.

Stella (20:49)
No, it's Yeah, just, the terminology,

it's like, does not work for me, you know? ⁓ I realized something I learned in the program was that I can't do visualization exercises because I can't. like, was so funny because the therapist is like taking a student exercise. I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, I don't see anything.

She's like, you don't like see like a beach if you close your eyes and like think of a beach. I'm like, no, I see darkness. And then I asked some of the others around me, they're like, yeah, I see a beach. can see like, I was like, what? I was like, I didn't, I never knew people could actually like see that like when they close their eyes, but I can't. And apparently like there's a percentage of people like me who cannot do that. So, ⁓ you know, I try to do hypnotherapy.

Chelsea Myers (21:33)
Yeah!

Mm-hmm.

Stella (21:44)
⁓ or whatever. And I just, I was like, what is this? It's like silly. And now I know why, because I'm of those people that can't visualize, but apparently most people can visualize things when they close their eyes. So I learned that about myself.

Chelsea Myers (21:47)
Yeah.

You learned that you hate radical acceptance and that you can't see things when you close your eyes and you can't visualize. Yeah.

Stella (22:09)
Yeah, I see like, like darkness. And

like maybe maybe like, I can't explain what it is I see, but I don't see like this like picturesque beach or whatever that people see and other people do. I didn't know that.

Chelsea Myers (22:23)
Yeah, I mean, I do. But

yeah, no, I actually it's it's ironic. I learned that that was a thing, not through DBT. But I did. I never realized that there were people who couldn't visualize things. I've heard it explained. I don't know if it's the same way for you rabbit hole. But like some people say, like, I can see the words. Like when you say, like, picture a beach, I, I see the word

beach. Like, so some but they're like, I don't see the sand or the I'm like, how can you not? So yeah, it's wild to me, which I'm sure it's wild to you that I can right? like

Stella (23:03)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. it's

like some of those tools like don't work for me. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (23:07)
No.

And that's so I that's really important to talk about too. And it's something that I'm really focusing my energy on. And it's another reason why I love how multifaceted DOWA is. We're going to get more into DOWA. But I am all about accessibility and inclusion and things like that. like these skills that we're being taught, especially in these programs,

Stella (23:22)
Okay.

Chelsea Myers (23:35)
They're not gonna work for everybody. And I'm the same way as you. I wouldn't describe myself as type A, but I am a questioner. And for me, when I was in that space, when I was going through that, I had a lot of anger and resentment. So a lot of it came less from a place of curiosity and more from a place of annoyance. Like, why are you making me do this? And if you talk about CBT and DBT,

and the skills that you learn, they're so tedious. They're so tedious. Like I'm sure you did mapping where you have to like think of an instance. How did it make you feel? How did you react? Like on and on and on. I'm sure you had to do the dear man exercises to learn how to assert yourself. And I'm like, why are there so many steps to these things? Like, I don't want to write all of these things down.

Stella (24:07)
Mm-hmm.

Chelsea Myers (24:30)
So one, it's important for me to figure out ways to help parents access these skills or just people in ways that work for them, which is one reason I love DOWA. ⁓ And also recognizing that we may be using some of these skills without realizing we're using these skills. Like mapping, like I talked about, like traditionally you have to write it all down in these little boxes and it's...

So freaking tedious, but I just realized recently I was like I do that in my head all the time I just do it like a million miles a minute like like maybe that's the neuro sparkly part of my brain. ⁓ so Yeah, the reason I ask about like the tools that were beneficial to you It's really fun to hear the ones that you hated because I hated some of them too but But it's also interesting like I I would I love

Stella (25:11)
Yeah.

I know. Well.

Chelsea Myers (25:27)
to hear your perspective on how, do you think you're still using these skills in a different way? Or have you been like, no, those were completely unhelpful for me?

Stella (25:36)
No, I think for me, even though I don't use those skills on a day to day and whatnot, understanding how it works and understanding it intellectually has helped me a lot. I think that was most beneficial for me. I think that's also just how I receive information, how my brain works and whatnot. Some things that helped me after.

Chelsea Myers (25:52)
Yeah.

Stella (26:03)
I discharged, you know, because I became a peer specialist. So one thing I learned there was about this thing called WRAP which is a wellness recovery action plan. And I find that that is actually very helpful. And I've recommended that to several people now. That's really great because can map out my different dip levels, like how far

Chelsea Myers (26:27)
Mm-hmm.

Stella (26:28)
I'm going, is this a good, bad, really bad crisis? And understand what helps during different situations, what level I'm at, what helps and what doesn't It's helped me really communicate to my husband when I'm dipping. So if I am experiencing any kind of dip or whatever it is, I'll tell him. And so he's aware that I'm...

like experiencing something. And so we have like, have an understanding of ⁓ what to expect and what to do to help mitigate that and help not let that go further. So it's really helped me with like communication with my partner. you know, I think a WRAP is like very, very helpful. ⁓ And there's free resources for that online if you know, anyone is interested.

The other thing that's really helped me, again, I didn't learn these in the program, but I did EMDR after I discharged. I found an EMDR therapist. That really, really just changed the trajectory of my recovery. ⁓ I feel like that, it's like the program saved my life. EMDR helped me recover.

Chelsea Myers (27:24)
You

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Stella (27:45)
Yeah. And so, ⁓ huge fan of EMDR. I know it's not for everyone. I loved it. It works pretty quickly. ⁓ I know it's becoming more more popular. I personally think it's wonderful and everyone should try it, especially if you have PTSD or CPTSD.

And another thing that, and it's on the app that I love to do, and I do with my husband sometimes, is the emotional freedom technique. It's EFT for short. And you, it's like a tapping exercise through meridian points. I find that that has really helped me calm down if I have like anxiety spike or whatever it is, but it really helps me level set. That's actually in our, you know, panic button.

on our app. yeah, I I think for me, like I need someone to guide me, which is what our app does. And so, you know, I use the app a bunch. It's funny, our engineers, all men, I mean, they, they, they had to listen to the recordings while they're like building everything and testing. And one of them was like, oh yeah, like I'm so relaxed.

Chelsea Myers (28:37)
Mm-hmm.

Stella (29:00)
Cause I just been listening to the content all day and like, okay, great. I'm so, I'm so happy to hear that. So yeah, I'm super relaxed. ⁓ so yeah, you know, good, good data point there. ⁓ but yeah, like I think I just need to be guided. ⁓ and so, and I need to be quick a lot of the times, like our app has, you know, long form content. Most of us pretty short. actually have this new set of content called five minute resets.

Chelsea Myers (29:02)
Oh my god.

Ciao!

Mm-hmm.

Stella (29:30)
⁓

and they're very specific to parent situations, ⁓ that I'm really excited about. And of course, like I, I use the panic button a lot because it has, ⁓ all these different types of tools in there and it helps you calm down in like minutes. Yeah. For like different, different, ⁓ feelings. So if you're like having rage or sadness or grief or anxiety, there's like 10 major feelings in there that we help.

reduce the emotion as quickly as possible.

Chelsea Myers (30:02)
I so I know like I say repeatedly on the podcast and just like in general like Quiet Connection, we don't promote or like push any specific form of treatment or like program or coaching. What's different about DOWA and why I feel so good about being a part of this project with you and why I'm so excited to have you talk about it is that it's so multimodal that

Stella (30:03)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (30:31)
someone is gonna find something that works for them. And just like hearing you talk about what works for you and what doesn't work for you, We talk a lot, the only advice that we ever give on the podcast is talk to your doctor or your mental health professional. But it's good to know what that next step is. When you talk to your doctor or you talk to your mental health professional, a lot of the time,

You're going to start CBT or you're going to start a DBT program or you're going to, can look into EMDR. So it's good to know what these things are and what they look like and how they can help you or not help you. Like me personally, EMDR does not work for me. DBT, DBT, know I, it makes me very sad. I know it works beautifully for my husband and for me it actually triggers PTSD. Yeah, but.

Stella (31:16)
I'm so sorry.

⁓ yeah, okay,

that's a bummer.

Chelsea Myers (31:26)
DBT

works really well for me, whereas for you, you're like, yeah, I don't really use those skills anymore. So like, I think it's important to know and understand that yes, talk to your doctor, talk to your mental health professional. These are the things that you are likely gonna hear about and here's what they look like and they might work for you and they might not work for you. The one question I did wanna get into before we talk a little bit more about DOWA is,

Because I think it's a curiosity and a fear that a lot of parents have when you're going to these programs, whether it's partial hospitalization, whether it's inpatient, whatever it looks like. I think there's a fear. I know there's a fear of what is going to happen with your child and what. Like I've heard the I've heard the range of like, are they going to take my baby away if I have to do this program to like.

How am I going to do this program? I have a baby. What do I do with the baby? What sort of impact did, because initially you said you didn't want to do the program. What sort of impact did it play on your view as your role as a mother while you were doing this program?

Stella (32:41)
Yeah, mean, look, at that time, I know you have a trigger warning on these things. like, you know, I was, I was very suicidal. Like, I mean, it was like, it's kind of like a dire situation. ⁓ And I was like researching like, you know, how children are if their parent commit suicide, how they grow up and all these things and, know,

Chelsea Myers (32:56)
Yeah.

Stella (33:10)
thinking about how to put my finances in order, like all these things, right? I will say that I was very lucky. Well, I'm very lucky in general, got this program exists near me. I got to go, et cetera, et I had childcare support, you know, and my parents don't live that far away. And I have a husband, you know, a partner.

Chelsea Myers (33:24)
Mm-hmm.

Stella (33:37)
and I think at that, at that time, my son has started daycare. I could afford daycare. The reality is that so many parents do not have access to childcare. Now, a place like the motherhood center where they provide childcare while, while you're there, you know, that's great. How many programs like that exist? Not that many. How many programs like that exists within?

Chelsea Myers (34:02)
next to none. Yeah.

Stella (34:06)
a commutable range, not that many. Especially if you have deep anxiety or OCD, traveling to a place with a newborn or child or whatever is very difficult. Now even the program that I went to, they could not take my son because he's too old. They could only take in newborn and infant. ⁓ So I wouldn't have even been able to bring my son if I wanted to. And that would be very challenging.

Chelsea Myers (34:24)
Mm-hmm.

Stella (34:36)
If you're virtual, your child can just join the call. ⁓ That can also be challenging if you have to tend to the child. But you can mute yourself and just listen and participate when you can. But yeah, mean like.

I know, it was hard to really be a parent at that time, right? Like could even get out of bed some of the days. ⁓ What are you supposed to do? Again, I was lucky. I have a partner. had daycare. My daycare is literally downstairs. You know, you know, very short commute. So yeah, I think about all the people who don't have that, who don't have that support.

Chelsea Myers (35:11)
Hehehehehe

Stella (35:23)
And I just think, don't know how those people do it, how they make it or how they survive. I they do survive, right? But some of them don't. And we know why, right? We know why. And so, I don't know, like, it's such a tough problem to solve. I know in other countries, they have a little bit better support. But again, like, I remember talking to someone in the UK, you know, she's in Wales, like she...

Chelsea Myers (35:30)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Stella (35:50)
have to go inpatient, but she's in Wales. She has to go all the way to England and leave her family. It's not possible for a lot of people to do that. And that in itself causes more mental stress because now you're away from your family. What if you have other kids? Now you're away from them. There's no system really set up to really support the parent and the family as a whole.

And it's unfortunate, there's no easy answer or solution yet. But hopefully, as we talk about maternal health, maternal mental health more and more, our solutions will get more streamlined, smarter, more empathetic, more compassionate. We need more compassionate solutions. so, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (36:18)
No.

Yeah.

Stella (36:44)
Unfortunately, you can't really rely on government or non-profits or things like that. You kind of just have to try and do something yourself and just keep working towards it and try to collaborate and meet other people in the field, like me meeting you and try to just work together with the other people in this space that want to make a difference, that are trying to make a difference. And hopefully something sticks. Hopefully we come up with something where it's feasible to build and we can make it.

accessible and reachable and approachable where people aren't scared, right? But there is a real fear of getting your kids taken away. That's a very valid fear, especially if you're a person of color. Or if you come from don't have all the social economic resources, like, yeah, they might come for you. That's terrifying. What are you supposed to do? So you stay silent.

Chelsea Myers (37:19)
Yeah.

It is.

Stella (37:39)
you know, what's the cost of that silence? don't know, there's like, there's no real good answer. Like I want to tell people like, don't be scared. Like blah, blah, blah. But I'm also like, you should be scared. I would be scared. you know, depending what state you live in, where you live, like, yeah. I mean, I mean, I'm in New York, so I'm not as scared. But I'm also, you know, I'm Asian American, and it's a little different, but like,

Chelsea Myers (37:47)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Stella (38:06)
other people even in New York City, yeah, I would be scared too.

Chelsea Myers (38:11)
Yeah, yeah. And you hit on so many important topics. ⁓ And you know, you know, and listeners may know, like when you and I initially connected and you were telling me about this program that you were building and this app that you were building, I was so excited about it because it's accessible and it's something that is in your pocket. When you're in crisis, like severe crisis, like when you are suicidal, I was also suicidal, like you do need.

to be kept safe like that. You need to go somewhere to be kept safe. But if you're in an area where you're struggling, like to just have those resources in your pocket, it removes the socioeconomic barriers and it removes those stigma barriers. So that was one thing. But then I remember telling you, I was like, I want to...

Stella (38:41)
Yes.

Chelsea Myers (39:03)
to open a facility and I have no idea how to do it. And someday, someday I'm gonna come back to you, cause Stella just makes things happen. And I'll be like, Stella, what do I do? I can't do it now. I have no capacity to do anything more. But that is what I wanna see. Because, right? Like you were talking about having to leave and go far away. did, I had to go down South. I had to go to North Carolina for...

a month and right and it's insane and I'm and like you I was lucky to have a partner who could care for my newborn while I was gone. ⁓ But yeah it's a real fear but you also deserve support. ⁓ And like you were saying like when you're in it when you're in it like that and you're that low you're not really thinking. I'm going to rephrase that a little bit.

Stella (39:33)
Yeah, that's nuts.

Chelsea Myers (40:00)
You are thinking about the impact that your decisions may have on your kids. For you, it was, okay, what will this mean for my child? For me, it was, I don't want my child to be a statistic. ⁓ so there's that, but you're not thinking about, I gotta make another bottle. I gotta change another diaper. Like though you're just thinking about like, can't even pick my head up off the pillow.

or I can't even put food in my body. So yeah, it's important to recognize those things. Let's get into what DOWA is because I've said it like a million times now. I love the accessibility. I love that it breaks down those barriers. So let's talk about it. I met you when it was very new and still in conception mode.

But I was so excited about it. When did that start becoming a goal for you? How long after, like, you're into your recovery process, did that start to become like, this is where I'm putting my energy?

Stella (41:12)
Well, I think it started to become more real probably a year after I discharged. Yeah. Yeah. And by that time had done EMDR.

I think around the time when we launched our MVP, our first version on the web only, I had just come off my medication too. I was on welbutrin for a year, year, year and a half, and I officially come So I'd been, what's the word, weaning off. Yeah. Yeah. I was weaning down and then, yeah, I was officially off by then. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (41:43)
titrating down, yeah.

And that was like

you celebrated with a soft launch. Like, yeah, like, you're like, hey, here's my website. I'm off my meds. Here's my website.

Stella (41:52)
That was like early this year.

That was really this year. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Here's my website Yeah. And then, and then yeah, you know, our app recently went live. Everything was slower than I wanted to because I was, you know, my last company, I like raised much of my capital money and stuff. This time I completely bootstrapped it. And so I kind of like was bouncing around from engineer, engineer trying to like keep

Chelsea Myers (42:20)
Yeah you did.

Stella (42:25)
cost low, but like trying to find a good engineer. But I ended up going back to my old engineers who are more expensive, but ultimately like they got it across the finish line and did a great job. yeah. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (42:38)
Yeah, and you literally

collected people. You went out there, when you say bootstraps, you were reaching out to people, you reached out to me and I was shocked at the time, because at the time I was like, somebody wants to talk to me about what I'm doing, like what? ⁓ But you literally did, you did the footwork. You were like, I am going to gather mental health professionals that are versed in

perinatal and postpartum mental health and women's mental health, I am going to look for the people who know how to do like sound healing, guided meditation and like all of these things and body work and movement and all of these modalities. You just collected experts and put them all in this one space. Like that's not a small thing, Stella. That's huge. That's so huge.

Stella (43:29)
Yeah, yeah.

Thank you. you know,

I, I appreciate that. I sometimes I need to hear that kind of stuff. You know what mean? Cause there are days where I'm like, what am I doing? Like, you know, like just go back to tech. I don't know. in a real job. Um, but yeah, but then there's like, then I come back around like reality. I'm like, no, like this is very important. It's very important to me. would deeply regret not doing this. You know, it's like,

Chelsea Myers (43:41)
Yeah, I feel that. I feel that.

Stella (44:02)
It's funny I'm saying this because I'm sure if my husband heard me, he'd laugh at me because the other day I was having a meltdown. But you only live once, right? What does it all mean? What does our life mean? I'm also about to turn 40, so I'm going through an existential crisis or something. But I'm just saying, what am I doing? What is...

Chelsea Myers (44:18)
No, I feel that as well. Yes!

Stella (44:24)
Like none of this matters or whatever, but yeah, I don't know. It's, going to go out there. We're, I'm already making some updates right now and expanding the free, the library for the free membership and whatnot. But ⁓ yeah, I don't know. It's a possible that no one uses the app and that's okay. mean, like, like it's, it's, it is what it is, but. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (44:46)
my god, I highly doubt it.

Stella (44:51)
You know, this is like our first level of care and I'm looking into building like the next level of care ⁓ for people who need a little more support. But this is kind of like the most accessible level of care. And I hope that people like, you know, even if you're in therapy or even if you're in a program like I was, the weekends, the times when you're not with the people, with your group in therapy, like

It can be very challenging depending like where you're at mentally. And so hopefully this, this platform will help you, you know, during those times where you're feeling low or lonely. I tried to put stuff in there that I needed at, at that time that I think resonates more with mothers and what we're going through. ⁓ and really like also for people who are not just in the perinatal stage.

You know, like I wasn't in the perinatal stage, right? And a lot of stuff out there is for people who are in the perinatal stage. Actually, one of the things that bothered me about the program sometimes was that some of the conversations were very much around newborn care, right? The newborn stage. And I just, I'm not in that stage, you know? and I didn't, like, I didn't have a mental health condition during that stage. And,

Chelsea Myers (45:58)
Mm-hmm.

Stella (46:10)
If we're only talking about that stage, it's a little hard for the people who are not in that stage. So I wanted to make it much more broad while still having ⁓ support for those stages, but really trying to make it as broad as possible so that even if you have like a 10-year-old, you can get the support you need.

Chelsea Myers (46:28)
Yeah. So I'm gonna tell you what I love about it first just because I haven't had the opportunity to tell you yet. Because the app, when this comes out, the app will have been out for a little while. ⁓ But the app just came out and I'm so excited about it. So a lot of people may be thinking to themselves, or maybe not, because I didn't even know. Well, there's PSI, there's Postpartum Support International, ⁓ which I didn't know about when I was in the thick of it.

Stella (46:37)
Bye!

Chelsea Myers (46:59)
Like you said, like they are, they have a wide variety of resources and tools and they are kind of the gold standard, but they are really focused on that perinatal period. And what I love about DOWA is that just like you said, it's not necessarily focused on, I mean, there is, there's, there's spaces for pregnancy, there's spaces for postpartum, there's spaces for infertility, there's spaces for when you have a 10 year old, a 12 year old, whatever, whatever stage of parenting you're in. So I love that.

part of it. This is completely like, whatever, whatever it is, it's beautiful. Like the app itself is beautiful. It feels warm. It feels welcoming. It feels easy to access. ⁓ Whereas some other like, quote unquote, parenting apps feel a little more clinical. And ⁓ this just feels like, ⁓ okay. All right.

This feels nice. ⁓ It's aesthetically pleasing. But that does contribute to a user's experience and who they're gonna tell about it and how word is gonna... So when you say like, maybe no one's gonna use it. I think this is gonna blow up. I really do. And like I've said so many times, I just love how multimodal it is because it really does contribute to accessibility, which is huge to me.

Stella (47:58)
If

Chelsea Myers (48:24)
But I wanna know what some of your, I mean, obviously it's your baby, so you love it. But like, what are some of your favorite things about DOWA right now?

Stella (48:35)
Yeah, so funny, I don't love it. I mean, I do love it. But I see all the things that I had to like compromise on. You know, like there's a couple areas where it's like not pixel perfect. And I'm like, ah, I can see it. But you know, it's okay. You know, it's okay. I really like our panic button. I mean, I call it a release valve, but other people call it a panic button. But it's just the big circular button in the middle.

Chelsea Myers (48:44)
Mmm.

I do the same thing with my stuff, yeah.

Stella (49:03)
I really like that because I love the tools in it and they are all clinically proven tools to help you reduce those big emotions. I love that we this coaching. So if you want to talk to a parent coach or a pediatric PT, a pediatric OT, a lactation educator,

Chelsea Myers (49:21)
Mm-hmm.

Stella (49:28)
They have live classes and they do Q &A's or office hours. And so you can join those as needed. That way you can ask any questions that you might have in real time and get a real time answer. So I love having that option for people so that they don't have to go through insurance. They don't have to pay extra. They can just go in and ask those questions. And it's all part of the platform. ⁓

⁓ I love these like five minute resets. You haven't seen them yet. I haven't pushed them out yet. ⁓ But they're five minute resets that are five minutes long. And it's to help you reduce stress very quickly for very common mom moments, parent moments, know, things like, you know, dinnertime battles, like, you know, siblings fighting or whatever it is, or even like, you know,

Chelsea Myers (49:57)
No.

Stella (50:20)
Do I quit my job? You I'm going to quit my job today or things like that, right? And so these five minute resets to just help you reduce the stress, maybe pump you up a little bit if you're about to do something. And those are just like very quick, quick one-offs. Again, very specific to motherhood, parenthood, and those will all be free. And of course we have the peer support, which are like the voice notes from other moms. And this anyone can contribute to, but

Chelsea Myers (50:41)
I love that.

Stella (50:50)
It's kind of like a message to your former self. For the moms who made these voicenotes, it's like a message to your former self. And it's actually emotional for some of the moms who did these voicenotes. one of them told me like, oh, I had to make mine really short. to like, I thought I going start crying. And so, yeah, I hope that, you if you're a mom and you're going through something, you're struggling, you can listen to these voicenotes, voicemails.

Chelsea Myers (50:54)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Stella (51:20)
you know, from other mothers who have been where you are and just know that like you too will make it through to that other side as these mothers have. ⁓ I thought of this idea because, you know, I thought about when I was in the program, you know, I would cry a lot, right? ⁓ You couldn't sleep sometimes. So, you you're up at 3 a.m. in the morning and you're on like the bathroom floor crying and you're like, you don't know what to do.

Chelsea Myers (51:40)
Yeah.

Stella (51:48)
And I don't want to go on Instagram and doom scroll or anything like that. You can't call anyone really. ⁓ I know like suicide hotlines exist. I've tried them. I personally did not have a great experience with them, but I'm hoping that like you can go on our platform. Again, these are, this is free. ⁓ and you can listen to these voicemails and, ⁓ you know, you might find a voicemail that's very similar to the situation we're currently in and it'll help you.

to kind of relax a bit, get up off that floor, back in bed or whatever it is. But yeah, I think being able to hear someone's voice is very helpful. ⁓ And so I hope that is something that, ⁓ I don't know, it could save someone's life. I have no idea. I have no idea. But I think that if you need to hear the voice of someone, why not a mother?

Chelsea Myers (52:39)
I bet it will.

Stella (52:46)
another mother that knows exactly, exactly how you're feeling that has been there. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (52:51)
They're real people. Yeah,

they're real people. It's not clinical. It's not another toxic positivity like, you're okay, mama, you're gonna be no, it's like, hey, I've been where you've been. I remember crying on the bathroom floor. I remember when you were rolling out the idea of these voicemails. And I was just like, this is so brilliant. Like this is so brilliant. Because just like you said, those those suicide and crisis lifelines.

while they are essential, ⁓ when you're in these moments that are specifically tied to like motherhood maybe, or maybe not, like you just need to hear from another mom and know that like you can survive. You can survive. ⁓ So before I reveal my new surprise ending to you, which is

ironic and we'll get to it. I want to give you an opportunity to let my listeners know and these will all be in the show notes, but let them know where they can follow along, where they can learn more about DOWA, where the best places are to look and obviously download the app. It's in the Apple Store and Google Play, correct? Yes.

Stella (54:16)
Yes, yeah, they're both there.

Chelsea Myers (54:18)
Yeah, where can they find you though? Where can they learn more about you and follow along DOWA's journey?

Stella (54:24)
I guess on Instagram, yeah, you can follow us on Instagram at DOWAHealth.com ⁓ I post updates of myself sometimes there, which I don't like doing. I don't like doing face reels, but whatever. ⁓ But yeah, you'll see my face there sometimes. You'll see what I look like. And you can also just join our newsletter at DOWAHealth.com. ⁓ But yeah, yeah. mean, you know, also, you know, like...

Chelsea Myers (54:37)
I don't either.

Stella (54:52)
If everyone just want to chat, again, like I'm a peer specialist and I'm happy to chat or help in any way I can. You know, there's some off that for each step before where I just helped them find resources in the, in the U S you know, wherever they are, I helped them find a therapist that doesn't charge a thousand dollars an hour, you know, like whatever it is. And again, because we have all these providers on our platform that I now have met and whatnot. I

can reach out to all of them and see if they can work with you, if they take your insurance, like all these things. So yeah, I'm always happy to just help however I can.

Chelsea Myers (55:30)
Yeah, and I love that. I love especially people like you who are willing to, like if you drop into Stella's DMs, she's gonna respond. Like it's a real person, it's not a bot, it's not a thank you for reaching out to us, we'll get back to you in three to five business days. It's like, hey, what's up? So before I spring this on you first, I wanna say thank you. ⁓

and then I will reveal my little surprise for you. This is especially fun for me speaking with you about it. I've been doing this now for a handful of episodes, but the idea was inspired by you. ⁓ And well, no, no, it's so ironic that the last thing that you brought up was the voicemails because, and I do it a little differently.

Stella (56:10)
⁓ that's so scary.

Chelsea Myers (56:22)
I used to end my episodes with like, okay, what's something you would say to your past self or what's something you would instill with yourself or what do you hope listeners take away? And I don't know, a couple of months ago I was like, this doesn't feel like it's serving people anymore. And I love this voicemail idea, but I tweaked it a little bit. So now what I'm doing is I'm asking my guests,

Stella (56:43)
Hmm.

Chelsea Myers (56:47)
We to go back into the days before text messages and voice memos when you actually had to call a landline and if someone didn't pick up, you had to leave a voicemail. You have no idea who my next guest is going to be. You don't know anything about them. You don't know anything about their story, but you're going to leave them a voicemail with a message that you want them to receive. So for my next guest, right? So

Stella (57:08)
for your next guest.

Chelsea Myers (57:13)
The fun part about this is for you to, and like, I keep telling everyone, I was like, this is kind of like, it's, it's a little bit self-serving because for you to get your message, you have to listen to the episode before yours. Um, so you have to come back, but yeah, you don't know anything about them. You can imagine whoever you want. You can picture whoever you think this person might be. It could be a mom, could be a dad, it could be a caregiver, it could be anybody, but you want to leave them.

message because you called you called Quiet Connection today. ⁓ What kind of message would you like to leave for them?

Stella (57:50)
for your next guest, okay. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (57:51)
Yeah!

Stella (57:54)
Thank you so much for giving your time to share your story on this podcast. And just in general, I know that how hard it can be to be personal so publicly, especially about something ⁓ as heavy as mental health. A lot of people don't talk about it. And so I think it's really amazing for you.

to share, to have the courage to share your story in the way that you're doing. you know, that's all we can do, right? Just speak our truth, share our experience, and just hope that the person listening on the other end, you know, learns from it, takes whatever they need from it. You know, it could be someone that is really, really struggling. Like, we don't know what state they're in, but...

your story could be that one story that changes their life, you know, that really changed the trajectory of their life and their recovery and what they do next. And so like, you know, what you're doing, what you're sharing is, is no, it's not small. It's very, very big. There's a ripple effect that we will never truly know. But we do know that it will help someone along the way. So thank you.

Chelsea Myers (59:17)
I love it. So yes, I kind of stole your idea a little bit, but it's also a challenge. And I haven't gotten the same answer twice. it's fun. just, Stella, you know I love what you do. I love just feeding off of your energy. So thank you. Thank you for spending some time with me this morning. Thank you for everything that you're doing with DOWA and just in life.

Stella (59:20)
If

That's great.

Chelsea Myers (59:44)
And I know I'll be chatting with you, but thanks for trusting Quiet Connection.

Stella (59:50)
And thank you, Chelsea. Thanks for everything that you do and your energy and how you support all the people around you. It's amazing.