The Power of a Mother’s Voice: Susan’s Story

In this deeply moving episode of Quiet Connection, I’m connecting with Susan Aguayo, a mother of nine and the founder of Kassy’s Kause. Susan shares the heart-wrenching story of her daughter, Kassy, a high achiever who tragically lost her life to undiagnosed perinatal depression while four months pregnant.

Susan takes us through her journey of "detective mode"—researching the medical gaps that failed her daughter—and how she transformed her grief into a powerhouse nonprofit organization. 

We discuss the critical difference between postpartum and perinatal mental health, the importance of self-advocacy in medical spaces, and why being a "strong mom" doesn't mean you have to suffer in silence. This conversation is a vital reminder that even the most joyful, successful people can struggle, and that reaching out for help is an act of bravery, not weakness.

Key Takeaways

• Perinatal vs. Postpartum: Mental health struggles can begin during conception and pregnancy, not just after the baby is born.
• The "High-Achiever" Stigma: Often, those who appear the most successful or "jolly" on the outside are the ones struggling most deeply in silence.
• The Power of Advocacy: If something feels wrong, keep pushing. Susan’s "detective mode" highlights the gaps in medical systems that often dismiss pregnant women's concerns.
• Community is Essential: Having support outside of your immediate family "bubble" allows you to express your struggles without fear of judgment.
• Generational Healing: By educating ourselves and our children now, we create a safer future for their parenting journeys. 

This episode discusses topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Please check the show notes for more information and be mindful of your own mental health and comfort levels.

Visit our Patreon to help support our mission to normalize the conversation and end the stigma surrounding PMADs!

Transcript

Chelsea Myers (00:00)
Hello today, I'm here with Susan. Susan, how are you?

Susan Aguayo (00:06)
I'm doing good, thank you.

Chelsea Myers (00:09)
I'm so happy to have you here. We are, ⁓ we were just talking about this before recording about how Susan is in the sunshine and I am in the, I'm in the like ice, ice fortress right now. And how I wish I could like, my God, but we're both surrounded by farms. So we have that in common. ⁓

Susan Aguayo (00:24)
Surrounded by nice chili.

Yes,

Chelsea Myers (00:33)
Susan, I

have my list of things that I know about you, but what my listeners really love is if you can kind of introduce yourself and let us know who you are today and who you were before you became a mom.

Susan Aguayo (00:47)
Okay, so been married 37 years. ⁓ I currently have seven children, nine grandchildren, and I am ⁓ the founder of Kassy's Kause a nonprofit organization. ⁓ This March will be 11 years that I founded. I'll get a little more detail about that after, but who I was before. I was born in

Peru, South America, and came to the States with a mom, a brother, and my dad when I was five years old and straight to New York, which was cold and now in the warm. And ⁓ we grew up there and got married and moved to New Mexico a few years later and raised our four kids that we had for then and got three more afterwards. ⁓

our four older children, biological children, and our last three children we adopted when were babies, three siblings, back to back in age. ⁓ So now they're graduating soon and my house is getting smaller and smaller. My four older ones, I have their families and the last three, next two boys are ready to leave this year. And yeah, so it's been interesting, the difference of who I was then. I've always talked a lot.

and I talk really fast and I have to learn to talk slower. They excuse me for New York, don't cut it all the time. ⁓ But I always liked talking. That's the first thing my husband said that ⁓ we met when I was 15, but we didn't date in high school or college, but we knew of each other. And ⁓ he always said, you talked a lot. And I laughed because he goes, yeah, that's kind of true. People say that about me. ⁓ But I think learning as I got older, what to talk about, learning to speak a little slower.

And the purpose of everything that I've learned to speak about has become one of the biggest gifts in my life to be able to share. So yeah, I've grown and I'm still growing. Not in size, I can tell you, I am short. like, barely five feet, my kids all passed me. All my grandkids practically have passed me. And my 10 year old granddaughter is taller than me. So I am short. So I always make the joke, I have grown, yes.

not in size when I do presentations, they'll laugh. But as a person, I've learned throughout the years to learn more what talents I think I was given as a gift. would say, know, as from God, that I never really appreciated it, just that I talked a lot, but I learned what to talk about. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (03:07)
You

Well, ⁓ yeah, that is a lot. I'm also a talker, so this is going to be a fun challenge for both of us. But I love how you kind of approached it too. Like you talk a lot, but now you're very intentional about what you're talking about because you are an advocate. You're an advocate for maternal mental health. You're an advocate ⁓ for so many things. We're going to get into it.

Susan Aguayo (03:28)
You

So that's what it is.

Chelsea Myers (03:52)
but ⁓ also my mother-in-law is also five foot so and has the biggest personality ever so like that resonates as well. I forget sometimes.

Susan Aguayo (04:01)
Then they said, you know,

good thing come from small packages. was like, I'm telling you, get these guys.

Chelsea Myers (04:08)
Yes, yes. So you have gone through several evolutions, not just as a person, but as a parent, you like you started your parenting journey. Like you said, you had four biological children and then later adopted three children. And you're kind of, you're kind of like going through that phase again, like you did it all twice. Talk to me.

Susan Aguayo (04:32)
Well, three actually,

three, because my two younger granddaughters, because my oldest daughter, unfortunately, one of getting a multiple sclerosis in her mid-20s and was divorced after. So we've been raising the grandkids, one since practically an infant and the other one since she was a toddler. So we have nine kids, I should say.

Chelsea Myers (04:46)
Okay.

Nine kids. Okay, so yeah, you kind of cover the whole gambit here of creating this beautiful family of yours. Let's go back to the beginning, because there's a lot we're gonna cover today, but I wanna focus on your story a little bit first. Did you always envision yourself having kids or having a large family?

Susan Aguayo (04:55)
I'm

I did, actually I come from family of three, married someone who came from family of 10, who said he only wanted one or two children. I said, no, I love what I see. I want a big family. And I always wanted, always loved, being the oldest, guess, always loved being the mama. ⁓ Always wanted to have children. Never knew how many, but I guess I based it on.

seeing my husband's big family, my lucky number was eight. So I said, want eight kids. he said, no way. We did what I'm getting, large family.

Chelsea Myers (05:50)
Yeah. So you did, you

did end up with a large family. In those early days, like when you when you were first entering motherhood, what was that experience like for you? It was a different world, number one. And yeah, and it was a different time. What was that experience like for you?

Susan Aguayo (06:05)
you

I embraced my pregnancy when was young. I was just 20 years old. I was young. But I remember saying to myself, making a list of all the different things I was going to offer this child. I came from a divorced home. so watching my mom struggle to really make ends meet. But she always concentrated the importance of being motherhood. But we were limited to the things that I liked to do.

Chelsea Myers (06:14)
Yeah.

Susan Aguayo (06:34)
I said, I'm gonna have my kid, you know, as a boy, it's gonna be in sports, a girl's gonna be in dance school. You know, I envisioned, you know, of everything I wanted to do. And my pregnancy went excellent, you know. My delivery went really great too. had, back then I didn't even know what the word doula was, but she was there and a midwife, she was a midwife. And so they guided me and it was great. I really had a great experience. It was my second one that was really, really hard.

Chelsea Myers (06:51)
Hmm.

Susan Aguayo (07:02)
and didn't know where to talk to, to share with. Who to talk to 30 years later, I realized where I can go and turn to, and then I was going through something. I had had a miscarriage, you know, and I got pregnant with the next one short time afterwards. So my whole pregnancy, walked around with fear share with anyone. Just I was really paranoid. Like I didn't move too much. I didn't want to go nowhere. I thought maybe because I ate something wrong before, it was really, really hard.

And then her delivery was really traumatic. Again, I thought this was just different than the first one. Everybody says your pregnancies are all different, your deliveries all different. So I expected and didn't really share much of what my inside thoughts were. Then my third and fourth were the easiest And I was like, we could have more. And we said, no, we talked about adoption. So we're good, we'll stay right there. So I've had ⁓ up and down experiences.

except my last two were incredible. The deliveries, the pregnancies. ⁓ But then now, I guess with what I'm doing now, I look back and I realized there were things I didn't know. I got with my third child. There was just like a sweep of emotion of I remember they were two years apart, well, four years apart from then two years and two years. And I remember changing her diaper and.

And the other was like, mom, mom, mom. And the other was, mom, look at this. Mom, look at this. She had to go school. Mom, look at this. And then she was crying. it was like a sweep and honestly, it was a sweep of emotion. I turned around and said, mom's not here. And I started crying. And then they started crying. And the baby started crying more. They were all crying like a chorus of crying. And I didn't know why. And then I hushed everybody, calmed them down, changed the diapers. And the first thing that came to my head was, is this what motherhood's gonna be having?

Chelsea Myers (08:39)
Mmm.

Susan Aguayo (08:54)
a lot of children, why'd I go to school for all I do is diapers and take care of schoolwork and and take care of a toddler and almost like a complaining and I felt so guilty and I felt so horrible to even have those thoughts and so I just kind of pushed it aside went along never even shared my husband until like years later the kids were grown and married never shared with him because I thought how horrible he's gonna tell me well you want it more than you know more than two kids or how could a mother think that way

Chelsea Myers (09:21)
Yeah.

Susan Aguayo (09:24)
or my mother never said that and she has so many, you all those things came to my head. Then I'm not going to share my mom because she was always so busy providing for us. I don't think she ever even probably had time to think about it. How she felt as motherhood, we didn't really speak about that. So I really felt I had no one to share with. And so it's pushed aside and continue going. Kids grow up and then find out years later for the awareness and advocating that I'm doing. But my experience has worked through my

pregnancies or my deliveries or my experience with that child that I was going through. But pretty much I think I had pretty good ones except for the second one of my situation because I had a miscarriage before.

Chelsea Myers (10:07)
Yeah, well and so much of what you're saying speaks to

things maybe that were of the time, but they're also timeless as well, right? Like you mentioned, like your mother-in-law, you were like, well, she had 10 kids and I never heard her complain. And I didn't want to talk to my mom about it because she was helping us so much. again, of that time period, people weren't talking. I don't even think there was such, like there was obviously postpartum. Right. It wasn't a diagnosis. It obviously existed, but

Susan Aguayo (10:35)
I was going back when it started, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (10:42)
People weren't saying like, she's got postpartum depression or ⁓ this, that, and the other thing. So it wasn't something that was normalized or talked about, but those feelings of shame and guilt still linger today for so many parents, moms, dads, parents, caregivers. So it is, ⁓ it's a universal experience. But like I said, when you talk about the importance of sharing those things,

We'll get into that when we talk about your advocacy. ⁓ You mentioned that your mom was really helping you guys and supporting you guys at the time. Did you feel, and I know you said you didn't even talk to your husband about it. Was there anyone in your life that you could kind of turn to just to like maybe set things down for a minute or feel like you for a minute?

Susan Aguayo (11:32)
Honestly, I don't think so. think I'm sure there was but I didn't dare share. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (11:36)
Mm-hmm.

Susan Aguayo (11:37)
church growing family and even then I was close to my bishops wife who I looked upon like as mom. ⁓ She has 7 kids and I was like she's doing OK, you know I think at a young age because we came from another country and my mom didn't speak the language growing up as a child. I became almost like a caretaker I became a protector of my mom and brother my sister, especially my parents broke up. ⁓ My mom had to quickly try to pick up the language.

Chelsea Myers (11:45)
Hahaha

Susan Aguayo (12:07)
She went to school to learn the language. And as I got older, you know, I was graduating high school, going to college. She, she was finishing college. I we, you know, she really pushed herself. She was really my example. ⁓ but as a motherhood for myself, you know, you really turn to TV and you see these moms doing, going along, working and going to school or back then, like leave it to be, but just being.

The mama has cookies ready when you walk in and you gotta do your job. And there's no, you so I really in my head was stuck on what I saw on TV, what I saw my mom provide for us. And I had to do that role. even though, you know, education was very strong in my household, was really important to go to school and advance to get educated. But still your role is that housewife mom role.

Chelsea Myers (12:37)
Ugh. Yeah.

Susan Aguayo (13:00)
⁓ So nobody, I'm sure I probably would have been able to, they would have listened, but I was too scared because I was surrounded by so much. Back then I was in social media, but it was just TV. And my roles around me were the moms that did what they had to do. No complaints.

Chelsea Myers (13:11)
Yeah.

Yeah, that was the narrative. And even today, I mean, I think there's a much bigger push to talk about the hard parts. But ⁓ like you said, with social media and just media in general, there is still this narrative of like, sunshine and rainbows and doing crafts with your kids and being happy all the time and that's not sustainable at all.

Did that start to shift for you at a certain point? I know because you've raised so many kids at this point, you've gone through all the ages and stages. Did that mindset start to shift for you at any point?

Susan Aguayo (13:50)
Bye.

I think when we adopted, when we adopted, were three siblings back to back. It was 10 months old. The other one just had, just had turned two. So you could say one, two, and the other one just had turned three. So it was a group of siblings, practically almost triplets. And it wasn't supposed to be planned that way. We were just looking to adopt one, but when we found out about the other ones, I quickly said, I can't separate them. I'll take all three. And so they're like, really? I'll take all three children. So I remember the shift to me then was,

Chelsea Myers (14:07)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Susan Aguayo (14:26)
My heart wanted to be that mom, but my life surrounding was changing completely to now, oh, you don't get a chance to to the movies when you want to. And you don't get to sleep in because your older kids know how to go get their bowl of cereal now. No, because you have little ones that they get up to make breakfast for. So I remember feeling that shift as for, wow, I'm really doing this all over again. And emotionally trying to adapt. And then also,

adapting with the difference of I'm older now and maybe a little wiser to how to handle, you know, spilled milk. You know, I think when you're first starting out, you spill that milk, you know, with it's okay, it's okay. As long as you're not cut, that's fine. And my older kids be like, I can yell at if I did that, you know, and you're so like, it's okay. So my shift, I think that's when I noticed how

Chelsea Myers (15:06)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Hahaha

Susan Aguayo (15:25)
motherhood has to do with from your first experience to your next experience. And with inside of me, understanding to to be kind to myself if I wasn't doing something right. Where before, you know, I just went along with it and kept quiet. And with the second group, I was going first with my second group, I had to be kind to myself and I judge myself so much and know that I'm still learning even though it's my second group. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (15:52)
Yeah, yeah, that makes perfect sense.

⁓ And I can art like I can totally visualize your older kids being like where was this mom when I was like What the heck? But I think that that's that's that's a that's a normal sort of common experience anyway, my kids are seven years apart So I have a ten-year-old and a three-year-old and even my ten-year-old is like how come she gets to do this and I didn't get to do this I'm like because I'm older and I was just learning with you. Okay

Susan Aguayo (16:01)
Yeah.

Thank

Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (16:25)
cut me a break.

Susan Aguayo (16:26)
I think we nitpick and really want that, honestly, almost like that leave it to beaver like, you kids have to listen and you give them this and everything was so perfect. And I really honestly, I think I exhausted myself when I, you know, my first group, especially I was younger back then, you're talking about like the eighties, I exhausted myself. I to have to be so

Chelsea Myers (16:42)
Yeah.

Susan Aguayo (16:49)
some way, but my three groups, my granddaughters, you know, who are younger because I have, they're almost close to say with my second group because they're 11, oh, she just turned 12, 12 and 13, you know, I hear her say, well, why is so-and-so got to do this? And I can't do that. And I go, third group, okay, here we go. you go along with it. The same thing, adjustments to trying to divide that.

Chelsea Myers (17:08)
Hahaha

Susan Aguayo (17:17)
They're your grandchildren your granddaughters slash for you being parents because your daughter can be a parent yet and you're my older daughters here with us because we have to help her out, you know ⁓ She's in early 30s and so she's my daughter who can't be on her own because her multiple sclerosis So with our lives, we've had to adjust in the different like a roller coaster We had to really adjust all the different things that we had to do. It's not easy

But honestly, I turn to my faith and I say that if it wasn't for that keeping me grounded, I would have lost it a long time ago.

Chelsea Myers (17:51)
Yeah, I mean and

two to like to give yourself some credit like you

you rode that roller coaster, right? Like you, you were there for every iteration and every change and every evolution. And the one thing that strikes me too, ⁓ as we're speaking is just the joy you, you exude joy. Like I understand that you are incredibly hard working and that you have a lot on your plate, but you do, you have a joy that sort of radiates off of you. It doesn't mean that you enjoy every moment of every day, but

Susan Aguayo (18:25)
Right. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (18:28)
But I get the sense that you can still find the glimmers. Yeah. Yeah.

Susan Aguayo (18:32)
Yeah, I do. I do. I see

in their personalities, the personalities growing up. I see it in their talents. I see it in me still doing what I said before I had children, supporting them in what they want to do. You know, from my fourth child, when they go into acting, you know, I managed that kiddo from age nine all the way to 18 is acting. He did, he's worked with

incredible people, know, George Lopez, know, Toby Keith, know, so, I mean, he's done really incredible work, Jessica Alba, you know, and so he's done these movies, he's succeeded, I watched him grow. I felt that proudness in watching him develop his talent. And then he always wanted to his own business. By 21, he had his own business, got married, had his house. I mean, this kid really did incredible. All the children as well were entrepreneurs with their talents, you know.

Chelsea Myers (19:00)
Wow.

Susan Aguayo (19:28)
And I think I do get that joy. I can never say, oh, Pat on, it's me. No, I'm like, I'm glad I had an opportunity to see this human being that I can guide to what he wants to do or she wants to do. And the same thing that with my second group, know, these plans going to military, got this paperwork ready to go into Air Force. The other one wants to go to a church mission. The other one, she wants to be a veterinarian. So she's looking to how one day we'll put up.

nonprofit here in Puerto Rico because a of animals are loose. So I look at them and I listen and go, well, we can find the information. We can do that. Where I understand that my upbringing, me and my husband's, we didn't have that. It was like live to survive. You have a roof over your head and you eat every single day. Keep going, you know. But it's different. It's different now. It's like, are your goals? What are your dreams? You know, how can I help you?

be to where you want to go to. I do, I mean, they do get disciplined, but believe me, there's no tablet sometimes, there's no phone sometimes, you can't watch your favorite show. But I get to see them grow. I get to see the good, bad, and the ugly. That's what I tell them. And I'm okay with that, because that's part of life.

Chelsea Myers (20:31)
Of course.

Yeah, that kind of brings us naturally into how you got into advocacy work and how you got into your work with especially advocating for maternal mental health. Can you talk to us a little bit about what brought you into this realm?

Susan Aguayo (21:01)
So out of the four older children, my third child, Kassandra, I would say Kassandra with a K, didn't realize she was spelled with a C, Kassandra with a K. ⁓ She ⁓ high achiever young woman, know, ⁓ since she was a child, you know, there was nothing she couldn't do. You know, she was this little girl who was two years old, so her older, somebody's riding a two-wheel bike and I had the training wheels and she was like, take it off, I got this. I said, no, you're gonna fall, you're two years old, take it off.

Chelsea Myers (21:09)
Ha ha ha!

Susan Aguayo (21:31)
I said, fine, you want to fold? No problem. I took it off. She held it. She touched it and she just started riding And I was like, she's two years old. Two wheel, little tiny two ⁓ wheel. And that was just at the beginning of me watching what she was determined to do. ⁓ And then as time went on, even from my schooling, she always chose to be like a high achiever. But I think she was so hardcore on herself of it was a B, she pushed that A. If it was an A, she went that A plus.

Chelsea Myers (21:38)
you

Susan Aguayo (22:01)
And I never pushed my kids to have to be honor students. I never pushed my kids. You have to have A's and all that report card. I said, if you studied and you know, when you take that test, you did your best. That's I expect from you. You did your best, you know, but don't expect to get an A if you didn't do anything and you get that D and then be shocked. No, obviously you didn't do something. But she always, you know, was the person that really pushed herself. And growing up, she always was the person with an agenda, with a plan.

Chelsea Myers (22:22)
you

Susan Aguayo (22:31)
So she was like, I'm gonna go to high school, high school, I'm gonna go to the community school, get my course out of the way, move on to the University of Pittsburgh, know, go out to Pittsburgh to go to school out there and then get married, then already with a degree. But she had a boyfriend before she left, which then became her fiance, came back, married, put that school on hold while he graduated from UNM University.

So they got married in December and then January, wasn't feeling well, found out she was pregnant. And even though she was excited, it was out of her agenda and her plans. You know, all of us supported her. You know, I love children. So I remember as a matter of I saw her write, I I forgot what she wrote something. She goes, okay, we have to tell, okay, no, she said check. I told my parents, of course they're gonna be all excited about having children.

Chelsea Myers (23:13)
You

Susan Aguayo (23:25)
grandbabies because we already had other grandchildren. ⁓ Now we have to speak to our in-laws where they also were hardcore in education and they were more like wait a while till you have children. And so it came with lot of debilitating illnesses that I had never experienced or the older ones that we had not known about like with this consistent vomiting and you know she was having anxiety. We didn't know she was having anxiety so you know down the road her husband told us. ⁓

She was having panic attacks, she was unable to sleep. And because of her personality, every job she had, it went from being a cashier to a trainee manager, and then by two months she was already a manager. And everything she did just picked up because of her personality. And the job she had taken, she had just started and they moved it up to manager short time afterwards, not knowing what she was going through medically in herself and her body, but she knew financially it would have helped them.

for the reason that because he was still finishing up school. And I'm here like thinking, oh, everything's going great from afar. They don't live with me. So I'm thinking when I talked to her, she goes, oh, I keep vomiting. I said, well, that happens sometimes to some women. I hear the first semester, go to the doctors, maybe get some crackers, some ginger ale, things everybody tells you. And she's like, yeah, I can't hold nothing down, but I only have ice pops. So you know.

Chelsea Myers (24:40)
Yeah!

Susan Aguayo (24:48)
Still I had no idea. Then she said, you know, I can't sleep well. would tell her, you know, have some tea with chamomile. mean, natural things. I did not think and know of her thoughts, of her feelings, nothing. And I didn't know what to think about, to ask. But she could go into the emergency room for help. And they could turn in her way saying, you were here last week. You're fine. We told you, you're a new mom. Baby's doing okay. Go home. But now she's going through this whole thing in her head. I must be going crazy.

My mom didn't go through this. My sisters didn't share these kind of feelings. have friends who are also having children and there's something wrong with me. And unfortunately, I have four months pregnant, little over four months pregnant. You know, obviously also a lot of contention like between her husband because she had these mood swings. She was fine, you know, for a couple of days and she was then just really irritated and picking on every little thing they could argue about.

and I keep telling her, your body's going through lot of changes, know, so emotionally you're more sensitive. Telling them both the same thing, not knowing what more they share between each other of her feelings and not knowing where to go or where to turn to.

just at the hospital themselves, professionals themselves, are telling them, baby's okay, go home. You were here last week, baby's okay, go home. And it was consistent. I had no idea. And so one of those ⁓ really hard nights, really hard nights that she was struggling, I had spoken to her the day before and she had been crying. said, know, husband had called and said, look, here she goes again, one of her moments, please talk to her. I said, you okay? She said, I'm fine.

I said, you sure you could talk to me? And it's true. We have such tight, tight relationship. Again, she had the best friend. She had a grandmother she was close to. She had me. had church leaders. But she still felt she couldn't share. And it's sad because I was in that situation many, many years before. But I think we were more aware of postpartum depression by then. We knew the word hormonal at least by then. And she unfortunately struggled through the night. ⁓

She took her life. She took her life, which we got the phone call was a nightmare. ⁓ I think I would say probably harder for my husband than me in a different way, because he had to go and see what happened. ⁓ We got a call from her mother-in-law saying, I got a call from the police to head over that way. And I don't know what's going on. And I'm thinking, I just spoke to him yesterday. And I know that his car, I think, ⁓

Scratch who got broken into like two days before and I told his mother I said, oh my gosh, I hope nothing happened. So she goes I'm heading over there It was a Sunday morning because we were getting ready to go to church and I told my husband you head out there I'll stay with the kids call me when you get there and she was only 45 minutes away So an hour and half goes by he doesn't call me. I'm calling him. He doesn't answer I call my son-in-law. He doesn't answer I call her she doesn't answer I call the mother. She doesn't answer and my heart just started like getting

I started breathing heavy and I said something's wrong. my gosh, something's wrong. Never can I expect, of course, the results are. But by the third hour, I see my older children running in like hysterical into the house to go, dad just told us to come here. And I held onto the counter. I said, why? He said, just to get there and call him. So I call him. I said, call your dad. And then he goes, have Ray Jr. bring you here. I said, no, I'm not leaving until you tell me.

what happened to my Kassy, he goes I can't tell you. I said I'm not leaving. And he goes, I can't tell you, just have him bring you here. But I could hear his voice. I could hear his voice shaking. So I knew there was bad news. And he goes, I can't. So we're arguing like five minutes. He goes, fine, she's gone. I go, what? She's gone. What do mean she's gone? And he goes, she's dead. The whole house just blew up. I dropped the phone. I dropped to the floor. My son is hysterical. My other daughter is hysterical.

The other daughter is on her way, you know, heading over, ⁓ rushing, you know, she lives an hour away on the phone with her sister. And then the little ones that they are standing there like half dressed, crying hysterical to see everything going on. And that just stopped me. Like I said, for me, I took motherhood really seriously to understanding I've always been a caretaker in a sense, you know, from my siblings to my older children. Now I have the grandkids and the younger ones.

was cleaning my face up. I said, keep speaking to your father, see what's gonna happen. I'm taking care of the kids. Contact the son from church. They head over right away. They took care of the kids, gave me that space to really concentrate what's going on. They took their clothes, they took them with, and they said, look, you take care of her, we'll take care of her, we're here for you. And for me, just like in general, then in the beginning it was just she was gone. And I'm like, this is not her.

She's not the kind of person she was so looking forward to pregnancy. She just got the sonogram. We were going to find out the following week if it's a boy or girl. You know, she kept calling him, oh, my little peanut head, the legs closed. I can't see. So she was excited. Even her friends said, I just spoke to her a days ago. We're making plans. Our baby's a month apart. She was focused on what she was going to do as a mother. And she always said, I'm going to be like you. And I said, no, you're going be better than me. And she said, I'm going to be like you. I'm going to put rules down. But I'm going to be

compassionate, I'm going to be there for my kids, I'm going to make the dreams come true. And I said, you're going to be better than me, sweetie. I said, not like me. So that hurt because she was gone. ⁓ Finding out, you know, of course, my husband gets, you know, sent over, you know, with the police department, we're all there embracing what just happened. I think, by the way, my husband's a retired police officer, but I think I became a detective because

Chelsea Myers (30:38)
Mmm.

Susan Aguayo (30:41)
When he got there, he said, all he was told is, I'm sorry. And he says, as a police officer to police officer, he just felt they handled it so cold. because he had to handle situations like this. And he said he was never as cold. And he was just told, sorry, she's gone. Do you want to go identify the body? And he was like, no, because what do you mean she's gone? Turned to my son-in-law and all he yelled is, she's been going through depression. depression, my daughter has no depression. So it was just like up in the air. You know, they just saw my husband as.

Chelsea Myers (30:55)
Hmm. Mmm.

Susan Aguayo (31:10)
losing it, you know, seeing a body go past you and then eventually being brought home and then telling me, I don't think that was really her, that can't be her, it's just impossible, it's impossible. So we had to obviously eventually go identify, but her husband would identify, he's the husband. I became the detective because I just couldn't accept it. went to...

Besides the morgue I went to all her doctor appointments, how many times she been in hospital, what was she diagnosed with? I she was taking previously a medication that was for consistent vomiting, but she said it was, I remember her saying, it's not helping me. So she had stopped because I wanted to make sure to see if that medication was in her system. She had stopped. I went to the police officer to find out how did the house look, you know, any type of trauma. I needed to find out more beyond of just your daughter's gone.

Sorry. And so I did a lot of researching and during that research I had a friend of ours who's in the medical field and said, I understand what she must have gone through. And I said, what do you mean? And she shared with me the word perinatal depression because I had seen in my daughter's journaling and in her Googling now the word, you know, why am I, why am I not sleeping well? Why am I having all these bad thoughts? I go, bad thoughts? What kind of bad thoughts?

Chelsea Myers (32:05)
Yeah.

Susan Aguayo (32:32)
She said, I'm not going to be a good mother. Why do I feel, instead of feeling always happy, why do I feel regret? I go, what? This is not her. I'm looking at, I'm even looking at the handwriting. Is this her handwriting? You just don't feel, this is not who you knew. This is not who was looking forward to this. And so, did she even have things like, what were the things she said? If I didn't finish my education, will I still be?

Chelsea Myers (32:44)
Yeah.

Susan Aguayo (32:58)
prepared to be a mother and I go, my gosh, she's young enough. I'm like, why is she writing these things? So I'm sharing with this friend and she says to me, I know what she was going through and I said, what? She goes, perineal depression. I go, a what? And she goes, it's post-partum during pregnancy. And I go, I never heard of that. And so she's in the medical field and she's a nurse and she started really getting emotional. She goes, I went through that. And I go, you went through that?

She was, went to that and I didn't share because I felt uncomfortable because the field that I'm in. She goes, but you used to come visit me every single time when I was going through dark thoughts and you had no idea you were saving me.

blow me away. said, what do you mean? She goes, I had thoughts in my head and you'd be ringing my bell. You saved me and you'd even know. And so I said, saved you. Like you would have been, yeah, I would have been to the same thing. was like, okay, then talk to me more about this. Now I'm Googling that specific word, perinatal depression, and I didn't get much information. So now I'm going to the hospitals and I'm saying,

I need information perinatal. There was no pancreas. There was nothing on perinatal depression. So we're two months into this of trying to stop being detective knowing now that she did not do this because she didn't care. Some people, some people coldly, very coldly would say, what selfish thing to do? And I thought, even though I never crossed my mind, I thought I was selfish. I just thought, how could it get to this point is all I kept asking myself.

Chelsea Myers (34:25)
Mm.

Susan Aguayo (34:35)
I never questioned my faith. I never questioned my son-in-law. I knew that he did the best. They were both young, 20, 21 years old. I just thought, how could this have happened? But then finding out this word that there's not enough information on, I just started contacting the hospitals and the midwives and the doulas. And they were open to speak with me. Then I came across NAMI, National Alliance of Mental Illness.

the president at that time, she took me under her wing, who's also from New York but live in New Mexico. And yeah, she became, I called her my mommy-nami because she had no children. She was older. And so I read on information about mentally, chemically, and I thought, okay, let's talk about what chemically. Whoa, a woman chemically goes through a lot. So let me research more. I started attending, you know, different like lectures that.

Chelsea Myers (35:06)
You

Susan Aguayo (35:30)
to the hospitals just to sit there and listen more about postpartum. Okay, again, this is postpartum after babies were born. And then I thought, I went to Department of Health, and then you see that the statistics and suicide of moms that have passed away, pregnant moms. And I said, if my daughter can go through this without originally having no history and quietly has suffered, how many more out there that are being missed?

diagnosed or are not being documented on that certificate passed away because of mental health, you know situation and just suicide you know so in dreams I tell people some believe in dreams some don't ⁓ my daughter's voice is a mama need you to help people and by then my my other daughter had opened up a blog just on who her sister was she didn't want people to look at her as

Chelsea Myers (36:08)
Mm-hmm.

Susan Aguayo (36:28)
someone that was cold Inconsiderate and selfish you know, just, you know, she took the easy way out. That's what think. She took the easy way out. And so for me, I thought that was her way of being able to help herself emotionally for people not to talk bad about her sister. But people were not asking questions. What happened? What, you know, what is she feeling? What, when did this happen? So people started asking questions about emotional stuff that we didn't know what to answer.

But meanwhile, I'm having this dream. She's telling help people. Help people. Like, what do you mean? Help in what way? And then one or two things came together. And with the president of NAMI said, she's opened up, you know, something like an organization nonprofit. I said, I don't know anything about nonprofits. You know, she goes, she says, I think you can do this. You know, she goes, you, you, you, she says, I think you like to talk. And I said, that's what I've been taught my whole life.

she goes, and I think you could do this, just educate yourself. so within dreams, I think I kind of talked to my daughter and I said, is it a nonprofit? Should I do this? And of course her nickname was KK. So Kassy's Kause, I always tell people joking, I said, it's not cause I can't spell cause, it's just the K. I know cause is with a C, but KK had a K, so we dedicated Kassy's Kause.

her cause to be able to make a difference in her name that I know that she did not pass away in vain. And if I look at it as a faith based, if she was a purpose to be gone, to save so many more lives, then I have to look at to be grateful that she was 21 years in my life for whom she was that I could use as an example, you know, to other people that nobody's immune. She was a young woman who was successful at everything that she did. She was a

happy jolly young woman. Everybody loved her for her big smile and how she even helped people. I was shocked at her funeral. They were like almost 250 people. I didn't know half of them. And a of them was because they said she touched my heart. She kept me on high school, I'm on a good path. Or she advised me to go to college. Or she told me, know, don't have sex. know, things like the most crazy things. You know, she was there advising people and I didn't know who they were. ⁓

teachers from elementary school when they heard came, know, CEO of the New Mexico ⁓ football team, because her husband was a football team, came, you know, the CEO of the company she had worked in came and I was like, there were cameras, like cameras, like what's going on? People knew, you know, a difference that somehow she had touched their lives. And that for me meant not so much that I did a good job, but she left a legacy of being a good person.

and that we need to really pay attention to even a person that looks like they're doing so well in life could still be struggling. And we have to stray away from the, you know, that we have this thing in our heads, what does depression look like? You know, leave the whole word emo out of the way, you know, put that aside. We all struggle in some way or another. We all do. But those who do get affected.

need that help without being criticized. So Kassy's Kause was born 11 years ago this March ⁓ to be able to bring the awareness and the education. So now I open the eyes in the medical field because I linked myself with all three hospitals. I had just become a doula before my daughter passed away. So now I was doing doula work in the hospital, deliver on my grandkids, left for class two to work in COVID babies, yeah. ⁓

And at the same time, was looking to do services as a doula for those unfortunate ones who couldn't afford it before it became covered through Medicaid, which I did go also to advocate in Congress about being able to advocate that because not everybody is able to afford it. And so I would tell people, I'm like a quarter of that price, but it goes back to Kassy's Kause to be able to help others. And that's what we did, help by some teams that

go through different school programs, and who couldn't afford it and needed the support. ⁓ And I think I look back now, we get calls from nurses saying, just got mom leaving NICU and she's having a hard time, please contact her. We get referrals from therapists, they need a support group, do you know where to send them? I get calls from a husband, I heard about your website, my wife is going through symptoms, how do I know if it's...

know, perineal depression or postpartum depression. And I go, we're real. Also, people take this seriously. Okay, great. And so we've been growing because with the whole nonprofit organization, we've been able to get sponsors for our events that we hold a maternal mental health summit, which we're preparing now for April. We held our car shows because New Mexico is known for car shows. So, yeah.

Chelsea Myers (41:14)
Yeah!

That piqued my interest. I am a car fanatic.

Susan Aguayo (41:38)
Thank

Chelsea Myers (41:39)
So yeah.

Susan Aguayo (41:41)
And our gala, our gala at the end of the year is bringing a lot of businesses and organizations to be able to support and have their name out there. So it's a win-win deal. And be able to, at the same time, kind of end the year with, I feel, a success of, we got this, we did this, and let's do one more year again. Because it's been a long road, 10 years of really pushing those events, of not knowing what to do. I learned what to do.

Chelsea Myers (41:51)
Yeah.

Susan Aguayo (42:10)
I've attended so many conferences and lectures. I've related myself with PSI, Postparts Support International. I was in the ASOM when we first opened up the chapter, but then I became, I still am the coordinator for New Mexico State. And I was facilitating the Spanish Support Group, is worldwide, which is incredible. There's four of us. So I just got involved with everything in Mamas Voices. I got involved with 2020 Moms, which became the

a change to the policy changers center, but it was 2020 mom years ago, ⁓ got involved with gosh, so many other organizations with moms to be able to really shuttle everything they have for me to get as much knowledge. And I told my husband with so many CAUs, I could have a master's by now. But the experience of listening to other moms experiences. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (43:00)
Yeah!

Susan Aguayo (43:09)
gave me comfort to understand in a painful way what my daughter must have been thinking and what she must have been feeling. And on the contrary, watching her journey and then when husband gave me the phone, one of the things, last things that she said was she was arguing with her husband and she said, why would you call my mom? She has so much on her plate, you know, because my daughter had been with the diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, maybe the kids, mother's daughter was having a hard time with her marriage.

She said, she has so much in place, she does so much for everybody. Why would you go and contact her? You know, so I said to myself, people want to say she was selfish. She was scared to put any more on my plate, on the contrary, because she loved me. She felt that she had no way out. So for me, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the opportunity to do what I do. I'm grateful for the opportunity that I had in my life, even though it 21 years. And at the same time, I think...

I go back to my faith, give me the strength to continue doing what I do because if she could have silently go through this, how many more need to be reached without being a stigma over their heads that they're considered bad moms. Even for CYD, which is Child Protective Services in New Mexico, I've presentations, I've done workshops this whole past year. We did so many workshops within Blue Cross, with Shield and with Home Specialist of New Mexico is a

Delivery High Court Center. We did so many and for me it was such a blessing to feel like it came to me, you know, to do this. I'm gonna do my best and thank you for understanding that the story shares with more people than what we know. Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (44:51)
Yeah, yeah. So A, you clearly were meant to advocate and when like the joke that you keep telling like that you talk a lot. Yes, you do. But your message is so clear and so powerful. And the thing that keeps coming back to me as you're talking about Kassy and as you're talking about Kassy's cause and everything.

is you're a nurturer and you have been from the start for your children, for the people around you that you didn't even know that you were necessarily nurturing. And even I am also a very big believer in dreams and spirit communication and all of that stuff. I might be a little woo woo, but that's okay. ⁓ But right? ⁓

Susan Aguayo (45:40)
No, it's good. Let's we got to you.

Chelsea Myers (45:45)
So you're still being a caretaker and being a voice for Kassy today. And you're giving a space for the voices of everyone who is suffering in silence. And I know, like you said, this happened 11 years ago now.

Susan Aguayo (45:52)
you

Chelsea Myers (46:05)
It's only in the last year. So I've been doing this work. I've been doing this advocacy work for three years now. ⁓ And I'm also affiliated with Postpartum Support International. And it's only in the last year that we've started, even in the last six months, we've started shifting our language. We used to say PMADS all the time, Postpartum Mental Health and Anxiety Disorders. And now we're shifting it to PMHD perinatal mental health disorders.

Susan Aguayo (46:10)
Thank

Two, three. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (46:35)
just like you said, people do not realize that these mental health disorders can affect you starting from conception, starting in pregnancy, and continuing throughout. And the stigma is still there.

It's still there and people like you and and people through all the organizations that you're connected with you really are very well connected. You like you said you should you should just like be an honorary like expert at this point. ⁓ Not even honorary. You just are we need to I'm going to get I'm going to print you out a plaque. This is perinatal mental health expert. ⁓ But the work that we're all trying to do is just like you said.

Susan Aguayo (47:06)
Thank you.

Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (47:22)
Erase that stigma, erase that shame, because if you can even tell one person rather than Google, like you said, Kassy was Googling. And like you said, her husband was just doing the best he could with what he knew. He didn't understand it either. And if you can just reach out to one and be like, I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I don't.

Susan Aguayo (47:37)
Yeah.

Chelsea Myers (47:47)
I try so hard not to get into like my own personal opinions or my own things like that. But like, to hear you speak about how many times she sought help from the hospital, I feel like they failed her. And maybe it was maybe it was a lack of knowledge at the time, maybe it was a lack of understanding. But

It's not a justification and it's why we're doing the work that we're doing, right? And it's why you're doing the work that you're doing. I just, yeah, I, so.

Susan Aguayo (48:14)
Thank

Chelsea Myers (48:20)
Full disclosure listeners, I found you Susan through Kassy's Kause. ⁓ Because when I saw what you guys were doing, well, first of all, I saw your post about a car show and I was like, perinatal mental health and a car show. Like, what is this? These are like two of my passions. but then I looked into it more and I looked into Kassy's story and I looked into your story and I was like, I need to meet this woman.

I need to meet this woman because you're a powerhouse. You are a powerhouse. You are a caretaker at heart, an advocate at your core, and I am so blown away by... could have... You could have... I don't even know how to word this.

Susan Aguayo (48:52)
So, going leave this. You're welcome.

Chelsea Myers (49:11)
there are so many different paths your life could have taken, right? You had your own challenges with your first round of kiddos and your second round of kiddos. Like you had your own challenges and life could have gone any certain way. And then you're faced with something that no parent ever imagines that they would experience.

Susan Aguayo (49:13)
you

Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (49:33)
And you, I don't believe in silver linings. It's a hundred percent okay if you do, but I believe that you were called like you said, you went into detective mode. ⁓ you did. So you felt your feelings. You allowed yourself to feel your feelings, but then you were like, Nope, I need to figure out what this is. I need to figure out why this is happening. And then when you did, you're like, I need to stop this from happening to other people. And that.

Susan Aguayo (49:45)
Thank

you

Chelsea Myers (50:02)
This doesn't even begin to sum it up, but that's crazy amazing. That's great. So not only are you raising your children and taking care of your older children, but you are also a voice and a safe space for people all over the world who are going through something that we still don't talk about enough.

So I know I'm kind of like pouring on the, but I truly do feel this way. That was why I was so called, I was like, I need to meet you. I need to meet you. ⁓ I've completely lost my train of thought. And it's just because I truly am in awe. I'm in awe of what you and your family have created with Kassy's Kause.

Susan Aguayo (50:24)
to

No. I... Yeah.

Thank

Chelsea Myers (50:47)
What do you see and what do you hope for as the future of Kassy's Kause

Susan Aguayo (50:53)
Well, just want to quickly backtrack a little bit. Two years into it, feel as though there's people who are audio, people who are more like virtual. ⁓ I got the idea of doing a documentary, and I directed and produced a documentary, which is Kassy's Hope. Kassy's Hope, My Life for Yours. And ⁓ we use it as an educational tool. Some home visiting programs, wanted to training with it.

Chelsea Myers (51:09)
Okay. ⁓ my God.

Susan Aguayo (51:22)
you know, the community health workers. And then it became more beyond. the young woman who's my friend, who shared with me, she's in the documentary. And I reached out to doctors and I have doctors in the documentary. I have local actors in the documentary that my son-in-law was able to help me now. Now he looks back, there were signs that he wasn't aware of. And for me, again, I don't look at us, oh, good job, Susan. I look at like, what more can we do? What more can we do? I keep thinking, what more can we do?

And I look at such a satisfaction that documentary has been able to reach out to some local agencies to help invert the visual to those who need to not hear it only in paper, but see it. know, people's voices and professionals and the local actors that acted out their reactions. You I told them about her and I said, we're going to go with the flow. And I was like, I'm directing now, okay. And we did that. ⁓

Chelsea Myers (52:02)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah!

Susan Aguayo (52:20)
And I was like, no, she cried a little bit. no, she would have gotten more mad than that. You know, things like that. And we just did it over and over again. It was such a blessing to see that even at the end of it, the actors were like, we don't have kids here We're not married, but wow. They're like, wow, thank you for educating me in this process of what I'm doing. I just want, I guess for me, most of all, I don't even care my name being used out there. I want Kassy's cause of who she was.

that it's about not a mom that lost a child. It's about a legacy of an agency that helps other people. That's what I want. That it's a name that people know because...

one person for many more like the film, Kassy's Hope, My Life for Yours. You know, that's what it is, know, for many more to get the help. And my future for it is that, like I told my little one, she goes, by the way, I see you're the future CEO. said, time comes, she's like, what? And she's like, I'm gonna be a CEO. She goes, okay, I'm reading what I want us to do. I said, just get educated. I see you see what mom does. You see all the information that I have. We have pamphlets and everything. I need you to educate yourself because what I do is for you, your nieces.

Chelsea Myers (53:17)
You

Susan Aguayo (53:30)
your sisters and your own children. This is for the future. said, it's not only about Kassy, it's about everybody else from here on and men. I had no idea men go through paternal postpartum, I was in awe. So I share with men and women. It used to be just our women our events. No, there's men there and they ask questions. ⁓ So that's my goal is seeing that if when time comes, I could step down a step away, that it continues on.

Chelsea Myers (53:48)
Yeah.

Susan Aguayo (53:58)
you know, with my younger daughter or someone that this is something important just to give mom a break of being pointed out that she's gotta be, I can tell people we're not Kardashians. We don't have a nanny. We don't have a cook. We don't have a trainer. I said, I probably look like Kardashian too. I said, but no, we don't have that. Reality being motherhood is hard. The beginning and to who knows until.

Chelsea Myers (54:11)
Yes!

Susan Aguayo (54:24)
My last breath, don't know how, but motherhood is hard. It's not easy. It's just different chapters. It's just different chapters. know, pregnancy to infancy to toddler to child to teens to young adults and even when they become their own families, you're still a parent. You still have that contact with them. So motherhood is chapters. And I think people need to understand that. And that's my goal, for people to see that it's not easy. It's worth it. It is worth it.

Chelsea Myers (54:31)
Mm-hmm.

Susan Aguayo (54:53)
The good, the bad, and the ugly. But it's worth it.

Chelsea Myers (54:58)
It's not often that I have a hard time finding words. You are honoring Kassy's legacy, but you're also honoring your legacy as well. And you're honoring all of your kids' legacy. From everything that you've spoken to me about today, you have always wanted them to achieve what they wanted to achieve.

Right? Your goal in life is to make sure that your kids see a future that they want to see, that they like, that they're passionate about. And even with, even with Kassy you're ensuring a future that helps other mothers like her.

and feel validated and feel seen. And you know what? And I see you. I see you. I see the mom behind all of this. I see the hard work that you're doing and I just have so much respect for you. And I know I said that before, but I just can't express it enough. I am beyond grateful.

Susan Aguayo (55:48)
Thank you.

Thank you.

Chelsea Myers (56:06)
that you chose to spend some time with me. I am beyond thankful that I've gotten to know you, that I've gotten to know Kassy even just a little bit in her story. And I'm so excited to be able to follow your journey and follow Kassy's Kause and learn more. ⁓ Before I get to my wrap up,

Susan Aguayo (56:13)
Thank

Chelsea Myers (56:29)
for my listeners, and this will be in the show notes as well, if they want to learn more, where is the best place for them to find you and find information?

Susan Aguayo (56:42)
website which is www.kassyskause.org. ⁓ We have our email there. you need assistance, as you know, with coordinators with PSI, you know, I'll get contact because of the website. And then they're calling from another state and I have redirected them to a coordinator to the state with PSI. So I always say you can email me.

The emails there the phone is even there I've had believe it or not. I've left my card once purposely in Oklahoma. I had gone visit We're going through there mom who's pregnant was cleaning and she called me And so I was able to direct her to a PSI coordinator in Oklahoma and she was going through depression through her pregnancy. So I think you know for me You know, you just don't stop, you know, I think it's just part of life. It's just

At least I made it a part of my life. You know where I go, I'll leave that card. I'll leave that card. It might not be for them, but they know somebody. I always say you might know somebody. I tell people. If you didn't go through it, great. And if you're not going through it, great. But there might be someone else. And they should know where you could direct them. So yeah, it's the website, email,

Chelsea Myers (57:36)
Yeah!

Yeah, and you guys are on Instagram too and I'll tag all of that in the show notes so that whoever needs you or wants to learn more can get in touch with you. ⁓ yes.

Susan Aguayo (57:56)
Yeah, Facebook.

even directing doulas. I love directing doulas because now I'm not there and ⁓

I actually had one, I had delivered her baby with her and her midwife. We did a UNM hospital. ⁓ He's now seven and then, he's seven. And so she three years and then just three years ago when I was moving, she goes, I have news to tell you. And I go, what? And then she goes, I'm pregnant, I can't wait. And then she was all excited and I go, ⁓ and.

I already had moved. She goes, I say, remember I had moved away. was going to Senegud. I can't do this. I go, she says, you have to be here. And I said, no. said, moved. She goes, no, no, no. She goes, I can't do this. You have to be here. I said, when are you due? So I went a week earlier from when I was supposed to be there in New Mexico. And I just like the last, it was, I would say her last two trimesters, we just kept in touch on Zoom. know, it's how things were going.

And I you eating this, you doing walking and so forth. And so the day of, I got there week early and luckily it would have been, she had the baby a week after when I was supposed to be there anyways. And I was there to be with her at the hospital for that baby. the husband said, we couldn't do this to you over here. We will not do this to you over here. We would have gone to you. I thought it was so sweet. So we have like a 7 and 3 year old. So she sends me pictures of the growing up and she goes.

This is Auntie Susan, say hello. She's so sweet. She's so sweet. And she says, she goes, she goes, I heard about it. She was when you were doing a table at one of the hospitals, you were doing a vendor table, put your information in. And back then she goes, I was planning to have kids, ⁓ but listening, she goes, watching them. I started following you. She goes, you were on the radio. She goes, you were on the newspaper. And I saw you here. So you're there. And I was like, okay, I'm pregnant now. I'm going to contact her.

She goes, I don't think I would have been able to do this without your support. She goes, you advocate on paper? She goes, but boy, oh boy, you advocated me in the hospital because she's Native American and her husband's Caucasian. And she was just being ignored. And I was not going to go for that. And so was like, excuse me. She rang that bell three times. Like, oh, get to her. I said, no, you need to get to her now. Can you find that checker, please? So things like that. And she goes, so I was not going to be able to have a second child unless you were there to advocate for me.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:07)
Mmm.

No.

Susan Aguayo (1:00:25)
So I was so glad that I felt like I could be part of her journey with her children, you know, and even through the process after she had her first one, she felt a little bit, you know, outside of a little bit outside of the, you know, the baby blues. And I told her that's okay, enough for you to feel guilty, you know, you contact your know, practitioner. She knew that she was not alone. And I think as women, it's great that we have moms and it's great we have aunties and really good friends.

Chelsea Myers (1:00:30)
Mm-hmm.

Susan Aguayo (1:00:52)
But sometimes you need someone outside of that bubble to make you feel like it's okay to complain without being judged. Because sometimes family will judge you, not purposely, but they do. And so I think that's where, again, we talk about the education, the awareness, and making it comfortable. And I'd be judged to say, I hate being a mom today. It's okay. I hate being a mom today.

Chelsea Myers (1:01:11)
Yes?

100 % and we

are we I am all about the doulas if I had known about doulas back when I had my kid, it would have been a totally different experience. But yeah, doulas are insane advocates. ⁓ So yes, we love a doula. Okay, I

Susan Aguayo (1:01:22)
Me too.

hahaha

Chelsea Myers (1:01:34)
I I say this so often, I truly mean it. I could talk to you for hours. If I could, I would. But I'm gonna bring us home. And what I'm doing, I'm ending my episodes differently than I have in seasons past.

Susan Aguayo (1:01:51)
Thank

Chelsea Myers (1:01:52)
I'm

asking you to kind of, it's a little exercise. ⁓ So I say it's hearkening back to the days before cell phones and text message and everything, when you actually had to like leave a message if you wanted to contact someone. So you don't know who my next guest is gonna be. You don't know anything about them or their journey or their story, but you called Quiet Connection today.

Susan Aguayo (1:02:06)
to just support what is going on in my family.

you

you

Chelsea Myers (1:02:19)
so you're going to leave them a message and you can interpret that in whatever way feels right for you but for my next guest what message is on your heart to leave for them?

Susan Aguayo (1:02:36)
I'm so glad you've reached quite a connections. Feel comfortable enough to open up without any judgment and know that you'll be heard.

Chelsea Myers (1:02:45)
I love that. Thank you. Thank you for trusting this space. Thank you for sharing your story with me and for spending time with me. And just thank you for everything that you are doing in the world of perinatal mental health and advocacy. Thank you.

Susan Aguayo (1:02:50)
and

Thank

you, you too. I'm here because of you too, so thank you.