Chit Chatting Boundaries & Distractions Ep. 4

In this episode Alexia is back with some more chatter, candidly discussing boundaries, what it looks like, why it can be challenging, and how it ties into self worth. Featuring anything else that randomly comes to mind along with other hacks that help protect ones peace. I also introduce the idea of a "Dear Diary" series inspired by my own journal entries- let me know your thoughts on that one. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, I'm Emily Johnson, and you're listening to Comfortably Uncomfortable, a podcast about discovering the beauty, the benefits, and the unexpected breakthroughs that come from stepping outside of our comfort zones. This isn't about having it all figured out, but rather showing vulnerability through personal stories and everyday situations that challenge us to grow. If you're on a journey of self-discovery and growth, you're in the right place. Stay tuned, and together we can get comfortably uncomfortable. Okay, so where to start? Oh, so I was kind of – I think every day I'm sort of thinking about cool ideas of things to incorporate in each episode. Yeah. And one of the things I thought about was possibly – because I journal every day, right?

SPEAKER_01 0:47

I love that for

SPEAKER_00 0:48

you. Thanks. Sometimes – I mean, not that I would ever want someone to go and read through my shit, but it's like – I don't know. I think the things that – are said could maybe sometimes just be spoken about and then dissected. Yeah. So I was thinking of having like a Dear Diary kind of episode, you know? I

SPEAKER_01 1:08

love that. That could be like a, like a series. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

No, that's like exactly what I was thinking. And I was just maybe, maybe what I'll do, cause I don't want it to sound like too crafted. So maybe what I'll do is I'll just like randomly go through, cause all my journal entries are on my computer. Um, maybe I'll just like randomly go through it and, um, see like i don't know just start talking about wine and obviously if it gets too personal i'll probably like cut myself but um just to kind of see

SPEAKER_01 1:34

not literally but like

SPEAKER_00 1:36

no like what cut myself off of talking about whatever it is that you know doesn't exactly need to be said but i don't know

SPEAKER_01 1:44

isn't that kind of vulnerability you wanted to have for your listeners

SPEAKER_00 1:47

i mean to an extent but i mean there's like you know like in the sense of some things not being you know just some things are for myself you know I don't know. I guess it's dependent. I should just

SPEAKER_01 1:58

open it up right now and read an entry. A hundred percent. No, I'm just kidding. I mean, no, because I feel like that's one of the things I've learned. I feel like in my 20s, I took this approach of like outward vulnerability through radical transparency in the sense of like, I am a private person, but I'm also the kind of person that like, I don't believe in not telling you the real because I don't want you to have some misrepresented assumption about like what's happening. And, you know, like back in the day, like, you know, back in the day, the aunties would be like, you know, don't tell everybody

SPEAKER_00 2:35

your business. Did you say the aunties?

SPEAKER_01 2:37

The aunties, yeah. Yeah, because, you know, the last generation, we're the aunties now, but like the aunties would be like, you know, like. Don't tell your friends your business or, like, don't let people in your business, that kind of thing. And I think as I got, like, gotten later into my 20s and my early 30s and now that I'm almost 35, I'm like – Holy shit. No, I'm just kidding. Oh, my God. That was like that – shit, that Don Cheadle, Kevin Hart meme when he's like – he's like, damn. And he's like, my bad. That's so rude. That's fine. 35 and fine as fuck. That's fine. I was kidding. Also, you're literally not that far back.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

I'm lucky three. Three, three.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Yeah. I feel like I understand more around not doing that. And so while I used to be like, oh, it's just so important to be transparent with people and make sure people understand because you don't want people – I hate to say it. I just think it's so easy to live in like a world of envy. I didn't want anybody to ever envy anything without knowing the real. And I also feel like when people know the good, the bad, the ugly, I feel like they can – not be so hard on themselves about like what's going on in their life. So I really did try that. I tried being like radical transparency and just like, I'm not going to come tell you my business, but if you ask me a question, I'm going to tell you the real shit. I'm not going to like clean it up or be like, Ooh, that's just like, you know, that's my thing kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

I was going to say, I mean, I feel like when we first met, Well, a little quick background story. Alexi and I literally met. Oh, I love this story. It's how the beginning of our friendship. I know. It's such a really good story, actually. She was my client at the salon, one of my jobs. They're

SPEAKER_01 4:13

not paying us, so we're not saying their name.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

and we just like honestly immediately hit it off and I'm just kidding we definitely did I mean I had like a freaking two hour appointment with this girl's head so we had a lot of time to chat Um, but I just remember when she was like, right before she left, we were talking about, or what did you say? It was so cute. So I remember calling my mom. She wants to be my

SPEAKER_01 4:37

friend. I really feel like I was like, do you want to be my friend or something? Cause this is, I feel like you're not telling the best part about the story. Cause this is what, this is really happened. So this girl's doing my hair and she's giving me all the advice and she's super energetic, super fun. I'm really enjoying the conversation. And the next thing she says is she's like, yeah, with hair like ours. So I'm like, pause. I really need to understand. And for anybody listen to this who does not know me I am a black queen with textured hair so I was very confused because I was like okay so I know my hair is not what people typically think but I was like I'm just gonna say I was like this Indian girl thinks that we're friends like I don't know what she's saying like I'm very confused I was like so I leaned in and I was like, so what do you mean? I was like, so like, you said texture like ours. I think I did say that. I think I was like, so you said texture like ours. And I was like, I think you laughed at me. And you

SPEAKER_00 5:25

were,

SPEAKER_01 5:26

you responded in such an Emily way. You just like shrugged it off and you laughed at me. And she's like, yeah, girl, I'm biracial. I'm black. And I was like, oh my God, bitch, we're going to be

SPEAKER_00 5:32

friends. I literally just say, I'm black and white. I feel like I get asked, what are you all the time? Yeah. Like, so it really doesn't phase me when people think I'm something. Nobody ever guesses that I'm black or white. Black and white. It's always, I say I'm a mystery. I'm like, what do you think I am? I always want to know. Yeah. Yeah. Because I've literally gotten everything.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

And I love that. I think that's, I think that's a beautiful thing about genetics, but that's literally not what this episode

SPEAKER_00 5:52

is about. I'm a little secret. I'm a surprise. I love a surprise.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

But yeah, I think it, one, you know, you create like a really great space. We had a really good conversation. I think I was just like, I think I was getting really, I was like, you know, I was like, wait, stop. And I was like – I think it was like – was it about like walking or something? But I was just

SPEAKER_00 6:06

like – No, you literally said – I don't know if this is going to be weird, but I like – I have a lot of like girlfriends and – because you were from Dallas or you've been here long enough. If you ever want to come hang out with us or if you ever want to hang out or do something.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Yes. And to my surprise, the first time I invited her, she couldn't make it because she was going back to Charlotte. But the second time, she actually showed up. And I was like – I just wasn't expecting her to follow up because I feel like I'm your client. You just did my hair. Maybe you're being nice. Why

SPEAKER_00 6:29

wouldn't

SPEAKER_01 6:30

I? And I don't know. I just – you just never know because it's like – it's also hard. You know, it's crazy. Going to a new city, making new friends,

SPEAKER_00 6:35

you know? Oh, 100%. And I honestly have never struggled with that. And I think mostly because I've just always had friends at every, you know, stage of my life growing up in the city than living there. Okay, that's

SPEAKER_01 6:47

popular. Be humble.

UNKNOWN 6:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

you know just anyways but no like truly but I value any kind of connection that you you know can have with somebody and I feel like if there's effort coming on you know either end you want to reciprocate that you know because we all start off as strangers and I think that I think that's a quote from something I mean I've heard it before see I need to like have these written down I just need to have like a book of quotes that I can always just like pull out

SPEAKER_01 7:10

oh then you can publish it yeah as long as you cite the people I feel like I would do that

SPEAKER_00 7:14

yeah I mean because I like I mentioned I love a good quote but something about like a stranger um A friend is – I'll get back to that quote. I

SPEAKER_01 7:22

feel like if you just think about it and let it digest to be, like, a friend was once a stranger. And you can come up with your own quote, you know? Yeah. If you think about it, the best of friends were all – we started off as a stranger. You got to be careful because a lot of people are crazy, but I'm happy we took a chance on each other, and here we are three years later. Is it three years? Shit, is it three years? Two years? Three years? Honestly – Oh, wait, what were we talking about? Yeah, we love this. What were we talking about?

SPEAKER_00 7:44

I think we were talking about, like – See, this is why sometimes I feel like in our episodes, like when you and I come on together, we need to have more organization. I

SPEAKER_01 7:52

don't know. I feel like this is the point. You know that trend on Instagram? I forgot this is the whole point. Maybe not. I know you like it. But I also feel like this is why it's important for me to have me on here because I feel like I think having me kind of – I won't say mellows you out, but it's like –

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Girl, I'm chill.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Structure. I'm just kidding. Structure is good, but I also think sometimes the best conversations happen when it's just two people who have a good connection having a conversation. Right.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

But I feel like when you and I talk, it can be like.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Yeah, and people love it. We literally had like talked about so many amazing things and we're like, dang, this could be like half a season. You're right. You shouldn't have me on here. I have ADHD so bad. I don't even remember where that

SPEAKER_00 8:29

came from. See, and that's the thing. Like we, when you and I talk, we go through a million different things in one sentence and then it's like, okay, what were we even originally talking about?

SPEAKER_01 8:37

I know what we wanted to talk about. So if it's okay with you, I can actually bring it back full circle. Yeah, go for it. I prefer like, this is what I like. So I love that you just did that because one of the things we wanted to talk about was like boundaries and being able to like what boundaries are and how to set them. So yeah, I may not, I may get us distracted, but I'll bring us back around.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Okay. That's good. You have been begging to talk about boundaries.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Cause I think boundaries are so important. And I think the biggest thing for me is like, I actually did not grow up like learning boundaries at all. So I have like boundaries is such a foreign concept to me. Like even in my, as I got, became an adult, like a boundary to me was like, If I tell you don't do this and you do it, I'm just going to cut you off. And that's not really what a boundary is supposed to be. Like, it's not supposed to be like this, like... Right. That would be like an example of an unhealthy boundary. Yeah. And so at 34, almost 35 years old, I'm like to struggle not knowing how to set boundaries. But like I saying like, oh, I think these are the boundaries I need, but then how to reinforce them. It is such a drain on me and my spirit. And like, but you, you said it earlier, like the fact that you are so steadfast and confident and solid in setting boundaries to protect your peace. I let people wreak havoc all over my peace. Like my peace is up for grabs at any time because by the time I realized somebody is literally dog walking me down the street

SPEAKER_00 10:15

i'm already in it you don't let people dog well no i mean like

SPEAKER_01 10:18

emotionally like i'm talking like so like physically never but like emotionally like i

SPEAKER_00 10:23

think physically never

SPEAKER_01 10:24

physically never but like i think for me like i feel like i don't know how to like set a boundary in a way that like people i would say more specifically like my family and close relationships don't like wreak havoc on my peace or my mental health because it's like They've been doing it since I've been born.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Yeah. But also like, I think like anything. Oh my God, that laugh was so ugly. Please y'all ignore it. Like, oh my

SPEAKER_01 10:48

God,

SPEAKER_00 10:49

it sounded like. I'll just cut the first half of you talking out. But I think something about boundaries is like, they, obviously are subject to change depending on whatever the situation is, who it's with or whatnot. But I think the biggest thing is starting with, you have to acknowledge your self-worth and your self-love and your self-respect. And I feel like if you don't have that, then you're never going to have healthy boundaries. And I don't think, I can't say that I've always been someone who was so good at protecting my peace because that's not the case. I think in some situations, like I was better, you know, I think I don't know, let's say a bad example or I don't even need to give a bad example. There's just been times where I feel like I've been good at, you know, setting certain boundaries with things that I want or don't want part of my life. And then there's other things that have, you know, I guess dog walked me. Yeah. And I think that comes with like time and kind of like that. kind of effort and energy you put into loving yourself because I feel like that is how you can create healthy boundaries and kind of like I was telling you earlier I feel like I could draw it you know like the umbrella and whatever and like my umbrella is protecting myself peace and then there's all these little like divisions under it that kind of are your boundaries I guess but it's in terms of you know your social life what you're setting on your boundaries for when you're scrolling through social media and what could possibly disturb you and what could actually you know help you or it's so

SPEAKER_01 12:15

interesting you say that It's like, I would say like, it's like people who know me. I don't think anybody would say that. Like, I don't, I don't necessarily feel like personally I have self-worth or I have lack of discipline, but I do feel like I have a lack of like lack of discipline in the sense of like what you said with social media. I am actively aware that social media is probably wreaking havoc on my mental health right now. And like,

SPEAKER_00 12:33

you told me that you scrolled for two hours last

SPEAKER_01 12:36

night on accident. That was the worst part. Like I literally laid down at like 10 Oh five. And I was like, oh, let me, I was scrolling. And then I looked up and I was like, okay, it's time for me to go to bed. 12.05, like after midnight. And I was like, what the actual F? I was like, it's like a, it's like a black, honestly, it just feels like a black hole. No, it is. I had to

SPEAKER_00 12:53

delete TikTok because I was getting sucked in.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

And I was like, it's time. I need to get, like, I need to move on. I don't think I've been on it at all this year, like since January. Honestly, I think my algorithm is so fucked right now. And it's so negative. And honestly, my algorithm is so negative for some reason. Okay, see, that's where one of

SPEAKER_00 13:06

your problems is. That's definitely not helping you protect

SPEAKER_01 13:09

me. I looked at one story and liked one story about a woman who said she left her cheating husband and now every freaking thing is about somebody finding out their husband cheated on them or the men of the year trend and it's just like I don't like how do I recalibrate this I don't want it but I'm just like I just gotta move on like I gotta just get rid of it and honestly I need to get back to reading

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Yeah. No, I've been off Instagram this month and it's honestly been so refreshing, but it's like bittersweet because I think I have, I mean, everybody should have a love hate with social media because it really is draining, but I love being able to go on social media and see what my friends are up to or, you know, be inspired by something, posting something or being able to like support someone for, I just feel like there's so many connections that happen within social media. It keeps you in touch better with people and whatnot. And then also for me, like I'm a big like poster, like I'm a story poster always, but I'm always Always engaging with people who are replying to my stories, and I love that, or getting feedback about little things. I miss that interaction, but at the same time, these last few weeks, I guess the last month, I've just been really trying to focus more on you know, this to say my podcast stuff. So it's like, I know Instagram specifically will be just such a distraction for me. So I'm like, okay, let me set a boundary for this right now. So I can focus. When you set a boundary

SPEAKER_01 14:24

for yourself, do you have, I won't say like a punishment to be, do you have like a repercussion for yourself? Like, for example, you got off Instagram, but say throughout this month that you wanted to get off Instagram, like you maybe got back on for like a day. Would you have had like a repercussion for yourself? Like, okay, now that I got back on when I, before I was supposed to, now I'm going extended like how do you

SPEAKER_00 14:42

keep no I think it's just like an internal feeling like I'm like bummed out I'm like oh but I was like why would I do that just for one little you know almost temporary pleasure kind of situation is how you look at it because You know why? Especially, you're going to die, but no social media is on my habit tracker this month. So it's like every day when I go through the day without going on social media, I scribble, scribble, scribble.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

I feel like I absolutely get where you're coming from around writing things down and the gratification. I just think I hate my writing. And so that's why I can't do that.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Fun fact, for one of Alexia's birthdays, I got her a handwriting book because she said she

SPEAKER_01 15:20

hated it. You probably haven't even used

SPEAKER_00 15:21

it.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

No, I tried it and I hated my writing. And I was like, see, this is also like- This is why I'm gonna have to start crawling again because I don't I literally was like it's just

SPEAKER_00 15:29

it's just so bad I don't know. Yeah, so I've really been into cooking honestly since I moved in by myself, and I just love it that honestly reverting back to Meditation I think cooking is like a form of you know meditation. It's just for me. It's just so relaxing um But I used to when I first moved in I literally fucked up my pot because I burned rice like how pathetic I no but really like how pitiful no but

SPEAKER_01 15:52

rice is actually really hard because if you think about it like rice and pasta because it's there's this perfect there's this perfect sweet spot where like you have to cook it just enough to where okay you're gonna get so distracted i'm just trying to reinforce you and like let you know like that shit's hard like sorry you shouldn't feel bad about it because like cooking rice is really fucking hard

SPEAKER_00 16:09

well my point is that's how i started and now like whenever i post like food stories people are like oh my god you're such a yeah i

SPEAKER_01 16:15

literally want you to move in with me so you can make my meals

SPEAKER_00 16:19

i'll start sending you home with like boxes yeah you should do my meal prep whenever you make something just like my point to that story was like so you have to bring it back rein it in we're not having hour-long episodes every time we talk

SPEAKER_01 16:32

um but god forbid a girl tries to hype you up okay keep going

SPEAKER_00 16:39

but what i'm saying is Starting... I don't even remember what I was saying.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

I'm sorry. I'm such a terrible person. You have to bring me in because my ADHD should not be your weakness. I'm sorry. Now

SPEAKER_00 16:52

I'm so fully distracted. I need like something to like hit you. I need a fly swatter. Okay. Let's not

SPEAKER_01 16:58

resort to abuse, but I understand what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Get you to refocus.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

But I understand what you're saying, like where you started off and where you are now. I don't know how that relates to boundaries, but I can see how like.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

What were we talking about? We can't keep stopping and wondering what we were talking about. But it was about, oh, your handwriting. Yeah. Yeah. Like, okay. Well, if you never practice your handwriting, it's never going to be better than what it was. That's true. You know, it was funny. I used to, when I was younger, people wanted to write like me. So I would live. literally write the alphabet for them to trace because that's what they wanted oh my god I love that for you that is actually really cool it's funny because I mean look at that like my handwriting isn't always great

SPEAKER_01 17:35

but actually like I mean I can read it and it's pretty and it's very unique to you and I think that's what I think is very unique about people who have really pretty handwriting It's unique to you. And it's like, especially if it's legible, like I want something like that. My shit looks terrible. Anyways, that's

SPEAKER_00 17:48

how I wrote it. No, because you wrote me a card once and I was like, your handwriting really isn't that bad. It's not good either. It's like, it makes me cringe.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

It's not as, it's

SPEAKER_00 17:56

not like. Well, okay. Just like you put this podcast stuff weekly as my homework, your homework is to start practicing your handwriting. I'm getting my master's. Can I do that later? And you need to start writing me letters or something so I can see the progress of your handwriting. So now you're my teacher? And I love letters. I love a card. I love a good card. How about I mail you a card every other week? Mail? We see each other every other week. I know, but I think it just makes it a lot more, like, sentimental. Yeah, you know what? I would really like that. Yeah. I would love to receive, like – I used to have a pen pal.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Yeah. Your pen pal who lives 10 minutes away. But I love that. I feel like you'll get that much more sentimental. You what? It would make it that much more sentimental. Yeah, but he, like, admitted to you. Like, you got mail. Yeah. Yeah. I could do that.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

Because for the longest time, all I fucking get in the mail is, like, bills. And sometimes my mom will send me a care package. Or friends. I get friends send me stuff, too. So, yeah, you could be a friend that sends me something. We started off with letters, right?

UNKNOWN 18:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

But yeah, I really want to talk about this because I feel like setting boundaries has really impacted my ability to create peace. Because if I, I'm one of those people like, if I, I know not setting that boundary is affecting me in my day to day life. But I'm not good at setting the boundary. So I'm honestly just creating a cycle of like me now being complicit in my own chaos, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

Yeah. I think the thing is, if you don't have boundaries, and I think I might have just said this, but like it's like if you don't have boundaries for yourself, you're bad. I feel like battling with yourself, you know, because it's like all these outside problems or all these outside issues that you're letting into like your little space is affecting you. So it's like you have these boundaries because you don't want to disturb your little space. And it's like – So it's always an internal thing. So it's like when you were asking how –

SPEAKER_01 19:45

But it's like the people who are disturbing my peace right now, I'm 100% certain they are living in like – unicorn valley they are they are they're probably happy they're at peace

SPEAKER_00 19:56

and yeah because i feel like oh i was gonna say they're probably not at peace if they're like disrupting someone else's peace

SPEAKER_01 20:01

no i feel like they're completely unaware that my piece is disrupted I feel like, and I think the problem is, I feel like I do such a good job covering up, like, everything and, like, keeping everything together. Like, for example, when I had a work trip, I went to Montreal a couple weeks ago. Oh, yeah, I saw your location in Canada. I meant to ask you. I love that. That's a boundary that y'all can, like, y'all can always cross. Stock my location. Check on me. But, yeah, I was in Montreal for work. Montreal, my mom, she, like, what happened was I, like, 3.30 in the morning, I got an alert that one of her burglar alarms went off. And she didn't respond to any of the alarm people reaching out to her. And then the police showed up. And I'm her next contact. So they called me. But obviously, it was the middle of the night. I'm in Montreal. I was sleeping. So I woke up. And we didn't hear from her for a full 24 hours. I'm literally in Montreal on a work trip doing workshops for my job, not knowing if my mom is literally dead in her house somewhere. It was such a panic-inducing moment. And when I finally told my team, they were like, oh my God, how are you keeping it together? And I was like, what else am I supposed to do? And I feel like that's how other people, there's always so much internally going on with me that I just put up such a good front that people don't realize it. That's unhealthy. I know. And my biggest fear is that, and this is a statistic, especially in black women, most autoimmune diseases are caused by stress and the physiological factors impacts of stress

SPEAKER_00 21:31

and i'm just like jeez

SPEAKER_01 21:32

here

SPEAKER_00 21:33

you're just the way you're talking about this because i don't view you like because you're almost like telling me you're weak and i don't see you as like weak

SPEAKER_01 21:42

that's so fair like i feel like people view me as like not in a negative way but as this like impenetrable robot that gets shit done and doesn't allow things to affect her but i

SPEAKER_00 21:52

just i don't think you're like give me robot vibes either

SPEAKER_01 21:55

I don't know. I just feel like people always think I just, like, always have shit together, and it's just like, no.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

Yeah. I mean, obviously, you know yourself better. But I guess you do put on a good front, then, because I honestly, I guess, just feel like you do have it together. I

SPEAKER_01 22:09

guess not. I mean, I should probably get an Oscar. Wait, an Oscar for acting? Yeah, I should probably get an Oscar. But I also feel like a lot of people do that, and I...

SPEAKER_00 22:18

I, yeah, because truly like even how you're kind of admired by me, like protect my, I had to let you know that that's not always the case. Like it really isn't, you know, it's like we can, we put an effort to, you know, achieve something, but it's not always going to be exactly how, you know, we want it to be. So when

SPEAKER_01 22:34

you were putting your boundaries in place or when you started realizing that boundaries are necessary, how did you want to establish your boundary? And then what were the followups if those boundaries were violated?

UNKNOWN 22:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Well, I think it just goes back to like how I feel like literally in myself, how something I don't like makes me feel. And I'm like, I always remind myself, it feels good to feel good. So why would I want to do anything that doesn't make me feel good? And I think that's literally the focus is just like always kind of surrounding myself with people who make me feel good, putting myself in situations that make me feel good, doing things on a daily that make me feel good. Like just like, really just keeping that as like the top priority is feeling good and so it's like if someone is constantly negative because they're a quote there was this like poster in my middle school or actually was written on the wall and it said attitudes are contagious is yours worth catching and i always think about that because everything that you surround yourself literally can taint i love it that was

SPEAKER_01 23:41

so corny but i loved it

SPEAKER_00 23:42

right it is so corny but this was literally in like a middle school hallway and i'm 33 and still think about it so it left an impact it left an impression um but yeah so it's like if someone's gonna sit there and be negative i know naturally i will start being negative because there are times like I'm not always positive. I will, you know... Oh, I know. I have moments. We all have moments. That's freaking natural. But I think overall, it's like, okay, if someone... If you spend your time with someone who's always negative or just like... you know just something is always off by what they're doing what they're saying or just whatever like eventually that would trickle into me and not and make me you know feel negative and I'm like I've been in that position where I felt negative before and I don't like it so it's like I'm gonna avoid everything that'll make me feel like that yeah so I don't know I think that's the biggest thing and what was your other

SPEAKER_01 24:30

well my thing is like say you set a boundary and you're like I don't want to be around anything that makes me feel bad and say it's like a friend that you have that makes you feel bad

SPEAKER_00 24:41

distance

SPEAKER_01 24:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

Yeah, literally like best friends, they've been in situations that I just like didn't support. And obviously I, you know, tried to have conversations with them about whatever it was that they were doing and nothing changed because you can't make someone change. So if they're, you know, in a toxic situation and it's starting to affect their friendship that that person and I have, like, love you will always be here for you but for right now like I need my space

SPEAKER_01 25:09

yeah

SPEAKER_00 25:09

it like as simple as that and it's hard like it sucks and people like to think like oh you're being selfish for cutting someone off it's like I'm not cutting someone off I'm literally setting a boundary with between me and them because I'm What their issues are that they don't really want to work through, they just want to like talk about is starting to affect me and my piece. And I'm just like, not for that. Like, I want to be there for a friend. And I always am the best way I can. But if you're, you know, in a shitty position you're never gonna be able to be better for anybody else so it's like okay I'm not gonna let you put me in a shitty position because then I absolutely can't be there for you

SPEAKER_01 25:47

yeah I thought you were tough because when I think about the most peaceful time of my life it was it was really when I cut off I hate to say it but like my family when I was like I'm not talking to y'all I don't have anything to do with y'all y'all need to get y'all

SPEAKER_00 25:57

shit together and it was like temporary and you never know if it's gonna be temporary but like you start to see people like make changes or you make changes or whatever it is and then eventually you guys can like you know come back together yeah and it might not be you know 100% dandy all the time but like so you're saying I can't just stop talking to everybody and move halfway around the world and start over no because I think that would be an unhealthy boundary just cutting people off like it's kind of like ghosting I don't know I just feel like it's important to let people know even if it's like uncomfortable on either side just so like there's not this weird shit in there I

SPEAKER_01 26:33

think that like what you said is so important and it's like I think what you said is so important in the sense of like if there are people who are violating your boundaries and that is disrupting your peace and it makes it so much harder for you to show up for the people who aren't and you have to make sure you're good so the people who deserve the best of you can get that and it just sucks because it's like sometimes the people that you have to set the best but the strongest boundaries with other people who like you love like your mom or your dad or your siblings or like your best friend and so I don't know boundaries are really hard for me because like I said all I've ever known is like bitch don't do this again if you do it again I'm never gonna talk to you again and I'm like it's it's black and white like I told you not to do this you did it so I'm assuming you don't want to be my friend anymore so like bye no but

SPEAKER_00 27:19

I think sometimes it takes people time to realize either like what's at stake or um I don't know just like to kind of work through their own you know issues yeah because a lot of times people are unaware of how whatever they're dealing with is impacting other people for example kind of like one of my friends who and this was years ago i mean we're in a great position now but she was in a really toxic relationship and i mean it really changed the dynamic between my relationship with her because she was just like constantly lying or just you know just she was very different and it was just like this isn't the friendship that we've had this isn't the friendship i want um so we kind of have to you know maybe just Yeah. Yeah. own and it was just not healthy like why would i want to i you know but I mean, with that being said, we're, like I said, we're in a great place now. Obviously that was years ago and in a completely different relationship. But I know that she felt some type of way about me, you know, setting a boundary with myself. And there was, you know, at the end of the day, there was nothing I could do. I had to be stern on that because I wasn't going to let her situation bring me down.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Yeah. I think I just have to start looking at boundaries as, I think I have to just start looking at it as a way for me to, I won't say test people, but to really like validate who should and should not be in my life because I feel like when you care about people and somebody sets a boundary like for you with me like when my friends tell me like it doesn't happen often because I'm actually like really awesome friend and like kind of pretty perfect but when my friends do kind of tell me something like hey I didn't really like that or like I wouldn't want you to do that or whatever the case for me. I don't know what happened, but me and my best friend were sitting around and I hit her and she was like, don't do that. She's like, you've done it a few times. I really don't like that you do that. Like I grew up in an abusive household. I don't like when people hit me. I was like, damn, my bad. I was like, I had no idea. It just wasn't, I don't even know why I started doing it because I'm not a hitter. Like for whatever reason, it was a very short stint, like a few months or that it was just my thing became my thing. And she set a boundary with me and I was like, damn, good shit yeah I was like I appreciate that and so like for me I appreciate people setting that boundary I guess I don't reciprocate that back in the sense of like thinking like if I set a boundary with somebody and they don't honor that that tells me where I stand with them and that means I should create distance but like you said it maybe is not necessarily like cutting them off per se

SPEAKER_00 30:14

I think communication is like kind of one of the biggest things that helps solve any issue at least like to scratch the surface of this you know it's like at least you let this person know and now it's up to that person to take what you said and move accordingly

SPEAKER_01 30:28

yeah

SPEAKER_00 30:28

kind of like you like your friend telling you don't hit me

SPEAKER_01 30:32

yeah

SPEAKER_00 30:32

well she hit me back too and then you punch

SPEAKER_01 30:35

her in the face but no she hit me back too but also it was just like the first time that she called me because I wasn't even realizing that I was like it was like a thing I had been doing until she called me on and I was like oh shit why am I like because it's not it's not a cute thing like I don't like it when people do that and I was like I had no idea why I was doing that but like she did it she called me on on it she hit me back and I never did it again in that whole season in that face stop it kind of reminds me like with my little brother when he was like you got it you got in time out yes I got yeah like I was gonna say so like my little brother when he was younger he had a biting problem and he would bite kids in daycare and so like he got kicked out of daycare once and my grandmother literally like as like to show him like bit the fuck out of his face put it left denture marks in his face he never bit a kid again and I was like I'm obviously not saying that you should physically abuse somebody and set a boundary, but what I'm saying is I understand the value of setting boundaries. I just think, okay, so once I communicate, for me, I only should have to tell you once, and then if you do it again, it feels like a... what do I like for me it's like one of those things like what do I do if it happens a second time and a third time and a fourth time like what do you start to do and I feel like even with therapists I'm like even with Chad GBT like ask that bitch and she didn't even really give me like solid it's always it's like wait what'd you ask her I was like hey how do I set boundaries with the people in my life and she was like some of the things you said and like I was like well what happens if they violate the boundary and it's like you can do this and that I'm like what happens if they keep violating the boundary and it's like well you have to have a conversation you have to decide what's best for

SPEAKER_00 31:54

you I think that's on you like What do you want from this person? I guess dependent on the relationship you have with this person. I don't know. It's like, are you really going to sit there in a fight and get your ass beat over and over and over again? Or are you going to get up and move? Are you just going to distance? That was great. Distance. It's not a forever thing. It's just... at least setting the boundary again to let that person know, okay, like, are you cool with this distance? Because you'll be the reason why we drift further. Or, okay, you start making moves that align with the moves I want to make, and then you eventually get brought back together.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Yeah. I can give an example and give context to why I felt like this is something I really want to talk about. And I feel like what... people who may struggle with boundaries deal with often. And I feel like people who struggle with boundaries most often struggle with boundaries when it comes to families and family members. And I think for me, for an example, I struggle with reinforcing boundaries with my mom because this is what happens. My mom was a similar case back in 2020. And I was like, how you're moving in your life is affecting me to the point to where I was like, I will never, I'm not talking to you ever again. I'm done. And for a year, she played the victim for a year. And she's like, I don't know. And I did exactly what she said. I told her exactly what she did and why I wasn't talking to her. And she would always pretend like I never told her. And I was like, told my siblings, I was like, this is a boundary. Do not fucking talk to me about her. I am not doing this. I'm moving on. I'm finding peace in my life. I don't remember what happened. Somehow she wiggled her way back into my life. And I feel like I've been struggling with this. Because she was in the back of my life maybe like the last year or so. And I feel like... she was okay for a little bit but then she's like just getting back into old habits and it's it's struggling it's a hard thing for me my boundary could very easily be like i'm setting spitting i told her that this week i was like i need space from you and then she like played the victim and made it seem like i was being like abusive towards her because i needed space and i was setting a boundary and it's just like

SPEAKER_00 33:41

you know it's everything sorry to cut you off but like the book let them that we were talking about by mel robbins yeah honestly a phenomenal book as self-explanatory as let them. You cannot control someone else's anger or issues or whatever it is towards your boundaries that you've set for yourself. So let them. And then you just like by letting them, you let it go. Truly. Because you're like getting so worked up. Obviously it's your mom. You like, I can't relate in a sense of having those kinds of issues. So maybe it's like harder for me to speak on it, but I just feel like you're always going to wrap yourself up in like her feelings, like the way she feels about you setting your boundaries. But at the end of the day, they're your boundaries because it's for your protection.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

And so it's like, you have to use your own shield to your mom's like issues with your own boundaries and be like, you know what? Let them, you can see it that way. It's not that way. But if that's how you see it, so be it

SPEAKER_01 34:33

yeah I'm gonna try that because I really do need

SPEAKER_00 34:35

to like once you read that book you'll probably really like it does give you a different perspective

SPEAKER_01 34:41

I really need to finish the body keeps the score honestly

SPEAKER_00 34:43

well then you need to get off TikTok

SPEAKER_01 34:44

I do I'll probably scroll at night and then like delete it right after I don't even know why I'm scrolling

SPEAKER_00 34:49

honestly you should delete it before you're even tempted to scroll otherwise you'll be on it I should

SPEAKER_01 34:53

delete it honestly I should delete

SPEAKER_00 34:54

that in Facebook and Instagram

SPEAKER_01 34:56

right now delete it right now like right now right

SPEAKER_00 34:58

now

SPEAKER_01 34:58

like

SPEAKER_00 34:59

Pull out your phone and delete it. Should I

SPEAKER_01 35:00

also get rid of my account or should I just delete it? No,

SPEAKER_00 35:02

just delete the app. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:03

Do I get a cookie if I delete it? You have a

SPEAKER_00 35:05

whole fucking snack tray on the counter. That's not the point. Go eat a chocolate covered

SPEAKER_01 35:10

pretzel. No, I didn't mean to do that. Undo, undo. What'd you do? I got rid of a widget. I didn't mean to get rid of the widget.

SPEAKER_00 35:15

You cheated. You cheated the system. You thought by getting rid of it on your homepage, not going to your apps, delete that shit. No, because honestly, it's so consuming for no reason. I'm proud of you.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

I mean the truth is I really don't need it because it's like I mean I acknowledge it it definitely is affecting my mental and emotional well-being

SPEAKER_00 35:32

and honestly like guess what even you deleting TikTok it doesn't prevent you from ever like going back on it you know like you can yeah

SPEAKER_01 35:41

but I actually don't want to and I think that like because one thing I've been working on this week and maybe like maybe if I start setting better boundaries within myself it'll help me honor boundaries with other people because like one of my goals this month I finished my workout series like last month and I'm in like I'm in an open series right now, and so I was like, this month I want to close all my rings. And one of the reasons I was like, I want to close all my rings is I want to prove to myself, I want to be able to show up for myself on a regular basis and not let myself down. And it hasn't been easy, and there have definitely been times where I have not shown up for myself. And Tuesday, it was a really depressing day for me, and I did not close all my rings, and I justified it. But I'm like, maybe if I start there... And I start working on like holding boundaries with myself, like showing up for myself. Maybe it'll be easier for me to reinforce boundaries with other people because maybe it's so easy for me to let other people violate my boundaries because I violate my own boundaries.

SPEAKER_00 36:35

Right. And that's why I was saying like I think the first step in creating a boundary is like acknowledging your self-worth, respect, and love. And that wasn't – literally was not always the case for myself. But I realized when you do hold yourself to a higher standard, then – you want what's best for you at all times, or at least majority of the times. Not to say we don't fuck around. I will always fuck around. But 90% of the time, I want to do what feels real good. And I think back to self-worth, love, respect, whatever, time is one of the most valuable things. And when we're wasting it doing something that doesn't even add to what we want for ourselves then we're not giving ourselves the self-respect that we deserve yeah you know because you're wasting your time essentially on something that is serving you no purpose and when you kind of like so now that you've removed tiktok you've just created more time for yourself now when you go to pick up your phone and you try to like scroll through tiktok you're like oh shit i don't have it let me pick up my book that i've been reading for the last nine months

SPEAKER_01 37:42

oh you didn't have to call me out that was so um Unnecessary. This is how you don't share vulnerable things with people because then they weaponize it. That's hilarious. Wow. Okay. But no, seriously. And honestly, I think that like... I could delete Facebook and Instagram and like... I wonder what my life would look like if I... did that like

SPEAKER_00 38:00

I mean TikTok I will say I'm trying to stay off of that as long as I can I really did get sucked in on that like Instagram and Facebook like I love like I said to keep up with everybody and like I mean I text and talk to not even text but like I have you know good connections throughout outside of social media but there's just something about you know engaging with people when they're like you know doing something to their day to day like

SPEAKER_01 38:22

honestly I love that for you but that is not my case I could actually get off because I don't keep up with anybody like

SPEAKER_00 38:27

you're such a poster though I post, like... You're, like, a world's rights poster.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

Yeah, I post, like, news and shit. Like, I don't need... Like, y'all don't... If you need me for that, then you need to reevaluate your life. You should be getting your news elsewhere. Like, I should not be on the source of news. But also, like, I hate trolling because I'm, like, the shit I'm seeing. Like, I'm actually tired of seeing, like, dead babies on my feed. Like, I'm... And, like, it's going to take me so long to recalibrate. I'm, like, I really could get off because at the end of the day, like... I started deleting people. Yeah, I'm also at that point in my life where, like... I'm also at that point, like, I think we're at that age where we're, like... I hate to say this, and this is not to be, like, offending anybody who's still, Mind you, I've been on Instagram since 2009, right? Since you were in college. Yeah. So for me, I feel like my generation or, like, the people I'm on Instagram with and my friends, like, we actually post less and less. So I wouldn't know shit going on in your life unless I'm actually talking to you because me following you, like, I don't know. I'm not going to know. And so, like, I actually don't even need to be on that to keep up with you because we're posting, like, no one could tell me what's going on in my life right now from what I post. Yeah. You know

SPEAKER_00 39:24

nothing. But I do like to feel, like, inspired by people I post. You know, it's like I feel like – I follow a good amount of pages that like show something that it's like, okay, if I'm like laying on my couch and not making moves yet and then I see someone's story and they just went to the gym, I'm like, damn, you know what? I need to go to the gym. Let me just get my ass up and go. And it was like that little spark was because I just saw someone else do it.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

That's what my For You page is for, not my actual feed.

SPEAKER_00 39:49

What? That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 39:51

Your feed should be what you want to be. If I were to show you my Instagram, my feed is literally like – things on like how's that and the trump administration and like activists and advocates and maybe some like fitness girls sprinkled in and then like a few people that i actually know but then my for you pages are like nails glute workouts meal prep, high protein.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

See, I see stuff like that and then I'm like, okay, I want to follow that because that's the kind of content I want to see regularly.

SPEAKER_01 40:22

But I think I was just like, I think because it's been so long, I think it's just like the like Al Jazeera and like NPR and all those things. I think they're just going to dominate my feed and I will have to unfollow them and I'm not still going to unfollow them. But I think I'm going to have to do is like them because I feel like one. I would feel so bad to hide them. That's how I just need to get off because it's like a... Right now, it is not in my best interest to consume it, but I am also very much like an inherent justice warrior. And so like... to my whole point, even to my own detriment, I'm always like, I do it. And so for me, I just have to get off completely. And then one thing for me, like what I will say is like, I definitely can't just get off. I need to tell people I'm getting off and like give them like, because

SPEAKER_00 41:00

people send me- Wait, you have to warn people before you get off? Well, there

SPEAKER_01 41:02

are people, like if I just get off, people will, like people send me stuff. Like I am the, I don't give a fuck I'm going to post it. And if I get fired for it, expect a lawsuit kind of person. And there are people who like, hey, I'm in a position where I can't really afford to like jeopardize my future. So they're like, send me stuff for me to share because- because they know that they can't share it. I like just people who send me stuff. Cause I probably like one of the few people. Well, no, no. I'm just like, I'm just a radical. I'm a radical. And I say shit that like most people want to say, but they're just too afraid to say. And so like people send me stuff and I feel like I probably would have a few people that they can like talk to you about this.

SPEAKER_00 41:35

Well, you are your algorithm. Then you are literally creating what you want to see. So I

SPEAKER_01 41:39

think what we've acknowledged here is I am literally the chaos that I, that I am by it. Like I am the, like, yes. Well then I need to reset my, I need to reset me. Yeah, I do. I, Honestly, I was looking for another therapist today. I was like, I should probably go back to therapy because like...

SPEAKER_00 41:52

I need to start.

SPEAKER_01 41:53

Yeah, I just need to... I probably need to go back to therapy. The therapist I had before, she just felt like we're just talking for the sake of talking and I didn't feel like you were really helping me. So I need to find somebody who I feel like... can equip me with the tools. So say for instance, I'm like, hey, I actually had like a really hard day and I don't really know how to get out of a spot. It's like, oh, well, the things you could do, like these are things I could help. And it's like, oh, you can go for a walk or do this. And I'm like, I am 34 years old. I've been in therapy for years. I know these things. Do you do them? But I'm here because I'm struggling to do them. So if I'm like, don't tell me to do something I'm struggling to do. Wash the spoon. What? Wash the spoon.

SPEAKER_00 42:27

from my last last episode talking about you just have to do like one little thing to get you in the direction of where you need to go I

SPEAKER_01 42:37

mean that's the hardest part that is really the hardest part because like I don't really feel like I'm depressed right now but like I've been meaning to clean my kitchen and the second floor of my like the second floor of my house for like the last two days and I have not gotten to it and I'm just like I just don't have any motivation honestly I haven't even gone to the gym this week I've only done at home workouts and I feel like shit for it and I know the minute I go back to the gym I'm gonna feel so much better about my life but getting to the gym has been such a...

SPEAKER_00 42:58

Well, I think you need to start with cleaning your place. Actually, I

SPEAKER_01 43:02

did go to Pilates. I went

SPEAKER_00 43:03

to Pilates, but I didn't go to the gym. Well, that's something. I'm going to try and

SPEAKER_01 43:06

clean my house tomorrow. I'm not going to

SPEAKER_00 43:08

go to the gym tonight. I think that for me, when my space is cluttered, my mind is cluttered. So I always keep my space the way I want to keep my mind. And it really makes a difference. When things are in disarray, I started reorganizing my dresser. And then I was like, no this is going to be such a project that I'm not even in the mood for so then I started like putting clothes in like random spots and I'm like I can't even open my laundry room right now because it's chaos in there and I'm like I know it's not the time like I just know it'll just start to make my like even just knowing it's there is making my mind go in like different directions instead of just like but with that being said like if you just like start you know doing something in your house that will start cleaning your space and you'll see how good your sink's starting to look and you'll you know wipe your counter to like okay wait this is starting to you know do I need to come over and help you tomorrow

SPEAKER_01 43:57

no I feel like you just motivated me to go like... But I would. I would. It's not the thought that counts in this moment. But no, it's actually funny because I'm like, did this fish just motivate me to go unload the dishwasher and reload it? I was like, stop motivating me. Stop inspiring me. Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 44:13

That's what it's all about, friend. That's

SPEAKER_01 44:15

what it's all about. That's the whole point. I know.

SPEAKER_00 44:17

Because that's what I like look... I mean, but I completely understand. There are moments when we're trying to do something and it does seem like... oh wow like oh it's so easy to just reach for the door and go for a walk but something in you is like resisting but man I tell you if you just get up and fucking just start doing it then you've literally inspired yourself like wow I almost thought I couldn't do this today and then look at me doing it

SPEAKER_01 44:39

there was this fucking one move in Pilates and I was like uh-uh I'm not doing it but I was like

SPEAKER_00 44:43

wait where'd you go a

SPEAKER_01 44:44

line

SPEAKER_00 44:45

oh wait you're fake how am I fake because you said we should go and you did not invite me to go

SPEAKER_01 44:50

Emily don't you think I said we should go because I've already been going

SPEAKER_00 44:54

Yeah, but like, I mean- Can I ask you a question? What? Were you available yesterday morning? What was yesterday morning?

SPEAKER_01 45:01

Thursday morning. Thursday morning? I know your schedule. I knew you weren't available. So why are you yelling at me? I know your schedule. I know the days that you work. I know the times of the day that you work. I knew

SPEAKER_00 45:09

you weren't available.

SPEAKER_01 45:11

So you're mad at me because I'm such a good friend that I know your schedule. But no, for sure, I was thinking about it because I was like, I'm trying to think about planning out my classes for next week. They do warm Pilates. I can't do hot. I did hot and Masha kicked my ass. I almost died.

SPEAKER_00 45:25

Hot makes me feel like once I'm done with the workout and I stand out that I could literally just pass out.

SPEAKER_01 45:30

That's how I'm feeling. I'm like, I can't do that. I live literally feel like at any point in time I could possibly have to have to call like the ambulance or whatever and I just feel like that's not something I want in my life

SPEAKER_00 45:40

but I will I love sitting in a sauna but working out in a sauna feel is so different 50 minutes but yeah but like the thing like I'm so determined to be better at it and one of my friends I started going with her and um I was like oh my god this class sucks it's so brutal but I want to come back I want to and I keep saying I want to go back again because I just know the more you do it the better you're gonna get from it and I'm just like as terrible as it is in the moment like I do leave you know probably a couple hours later feeling so good once I've cooled down I'm like you know what that shit was such a fire workout

SPEAKER_01 46:12

I hear what you're saying and this has nothing to do with our topic today but like I

SPEAKER_00 46:16

think honestly half of the shit we talked about has nothing to do with our topic well

SPEAKER_01 46:19

this is maybe whatever maybe this is just like chatting with a friend or whatever but one of the things I think is really hard about also working out too especially with morning workouts is like and why I probably think that those classes are so hard for me is making sure whatever I continue consumed nutrition wise will support the workout and I think with like that like I would love to take that class when you said it like I'm a little bit of a masochist so you know like it made me want to die but then I survived and I came out of it and I want to do it again like I was like oh that's the kind of rush I look for but then I'm like I know my nutrition these days. The reason I probably am struggling in some of these workout classes is because I know I'm not consuming like the things that I need to prior to my workout. And that's what's been like super hard. Well, what can you do to do better? It's hard. Honestly, y'all, I started taking these weight loss meds and honestly they are doing too good a fucking job because they are suppressing my appetite. Like I felt like I was only supposed to, I'm only supposed to be like in a 20, 200, 300 calorie deficit. And I'm pretty sure I'm eating

SPEAKER_00 47:19

half of what the what I'm supposed to be eating. And that is crazy. Okay. So then when you are eating, what are you eating? You are a big like Uber Eats, Postmates. I am. You're a big delivery girl. I

SPEAKER_01 47:28

am. And even the fact that like I am because I think what's hard is like I struggle to cook already, but when I don't have an appetite, I kind of wait until my body's like, bitch, we need to eat. See, that's a problem. That is a problem. I'm a terrible adult. Find somebody else. Like find somebody else. I am

SPEAKER_00 47:44

not good at that thing. Okay. What works for me is ingredient prepping. So it's like when I go to the grocery store and I get all the things no you're shaking your head but like I'm shaking my

SPEAKER_01 47:53

head because literally I have no I was not taught how to grocery shop I'm not

SPEAKER_00 47:57

gonna learn now I don't want to figure it out you know what you like you know what's healthy so you go in there and it's not hard we overcomplicate it in fact when I buy shitty food it's more expensive and less of it than when I go and spend money on fruits and vegetables and things that I can eat all throughout the day I hear

SPEAKER_01 48:17

you

SPEAKER_00 48:17

and I'm not being I'm not trying to be you're being I'm not going to be

SPEAKER_01 48:19

stubborn. I'm not going to be stubborn or combative, but let me tell you what happens to me. I do that, right? Because you're being both. I do that, right? But because I'm not used to consuming that regularly, I get upset because I feel like I waste so many because I'm like, I'm not eating the fruit regularly enough. So by the time like I start getting, it's like, it's gone bad. And I'm like, this is so annoying. I just spent all this money and now the fruit's gone bad. The veggies have gone bad.

SPEAKER_00 48:44

And then I don't get to eat all that. So if you like strawberries. I can't buy

SPEAKER_01 48:47

half a carton of strawberries.

SPEAKER_00 48:48

I do. And I live by myself. You at least live by yourself. How do you buy half a

SPEAKER_01 48:51

carton of strawberries?

SPEAKER_00 48:52

What do you, oh, I buy a carton of strawberries.

SPEAKER_01 48:54

That's what I'm saying. I can't buy half a carton. I'm not going to, I don't need the whole thing. So then I get the whole thing and then half of them go

SPEAKER_00 48:58

away. But if you cut them up. Okay. So what I always do ingredient prep, I will cut all my fruits and vegetables when i get them so it's like easy access in the fridge you pull out your little container that it's in and now you've got all your cut shit and it's just so much easier to grab which makes it you know like i don't know if you have a full watermelon sitting on your counter every day you're gonna look at and be like oh i don't feel like cutting today okay but if you have already cut up the water is that where you

SPEAKER_01 49:22

got that watermelon you cut up a watermelon or did you already cut by a pre-cut no i always cut up the watermelon oh did you even try it Not yet, but, bitch, you are – I am so impressed with you. You cut up a whole watermelon. I just think that we find joy in different things, and I appreciate

SPEAKER_00 49:37

it. Well, yeah, but I wasn't always like this. You, like, start to do stuff, and then you – I'm just at the beginning. Figure out how it makes you feel, and then you keep doing it because it makes you feel good. I

SPEAKER_01 49:47

think what I need to do, and I think this is going to be a journey for me. I think what I need to

SPEAKER_00 49:50

do is – Well, it's always going to be a journey.

SPEAKER_01 49:51

Is I feel like there's chaos in so many – I won't say chaos. I just feel like it's hard for me to focus on our, like – create that consistency there because I'm justifying being inconsistent in other places. I think it's something that has to holistically happen everywhere. So I'm not saying that you're right. Like through repetition, I will get better at it. I just think I have to get to a head space where I'm working on my discipline actively and not being comfortable making excuses. So I need to get discipline under control first.

SPEAKER_00 50:20

You need to train

SPEAKER_01 50:21

your

SPEAKER_00 50:21

mental strength.

SPEAKER_01 50:22

Yeah, I believe you. I'm not going to disagree there. I do. I don't know how to do that, but I'm going to do it. I do. It needs to be like... Ask Chat GBT. That bitch is not helpful. She's good at a lot of things. But some things I'm like, this is not helpful. I'm sorry. And she's like, I know. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 50:36

Well, we all have to figure out what works for us. You know, it's like I can't give you a list of everything that works for me and then expect it to, you know, work the same for you. But like you'll never know what works for you and what makes you feel good until you actually start trying to, you know, implement at least something small to change your routine if you're not happy with your routine being your, you know, nutrition.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

And it's your point. Like you said, it's like I do things that make me feel good and it makes me feel so bad. But I'm like, I didn't hit my protein goal today it makes me feel like shit like why can't I do this like why am I missing this every day it's so annoying

SPEAKER_00 51:09

so you have to like cater okay for me it's like obviously when I like give advice I'm not like you have to do this but it's like me saying this is what's worked for me but like okay so if you have a protein goal well do you track your food ever you work for one for some of it huh you work for some time yeah I use my fitness pal but I don't know well what you could start to do is start like when I would like first start on that and I really don't track like as frequently as I used to just because I think I've done it so much that I at least can like I or just like have an idea of what you know yeah I want to consume but um start with putting in different foods that you want to eat throughout the day and see how it hits you know whatever your protein goal is what is your protein goal like 90 100

SPEAKER_01 51:55

no maybe I'm doing it wrong my protein goes like 177 grams a day

SPEAKER_00 51:59

Well, I mean, yeah, you can figure it out, but. And

SPEAKER_01 52:01

then what pisses me off is if I work out that day, then it's like, oh, I hit my, maybe I hit 170, but then I worked

SPEAKER_00 52:06

out 92 to 10. But if you're not even hitting that, if that's already hard for you, you start with just a smaller number just to make it maintainable or manageable for you. Because if 170, if you can't even, what do you hit at least, you know, anything close to? Are you even coming close? You're like 20. I think that like, no, I'd like to date for instance. I

SPEAKER_01 52:24

think I maybe had like 60 grams and that's about it.

SPEAKER_00 52:27

Okay. Well then go up to 90. Try at least starting with that. Just like little. And then once you kind of figure out what all you need to eat to get you to 90 grams, then eventually up it. But what would help maybe is if you like start your day or, you know, the night before, go through the things that you know you want to eat to see if how much protein it gives you, and then add, subtract accordingly.

SPEAKER_01 52:50

That's fair. Now that I'm not on TikTok, then I have more time to do that, then. Yeah. Spending two hours scrolling, and then, yeah. I'm going to try. I just need to get out of this, like, lull.

SPEAKER_00 53:01

Yeah. No, I feel that. I think... I mean, it's unfortunate to have, like, those down times, but we're never always going to be, like, on the up and up, you know? Yeah. We're always going to kind of have a moment of, ugh, that we have to deal with.

SPEAKER_01 53:15

I told myself I need to get back at it next week. I can't, like...

SPEAKER_00 53:19

Yeah. Okay. So,

SPEAKER_01 53:20

yeah, I need to be nicer

SPEAKER_00 53:21

to myself. So, the little wins. That's a victory right there. I can just get enough protein. You need a habit tracker. I'm going to put you on a habit tracker. I have

SPEAKER_01 53:28

a habit. I literally

SPEAKER_00 53:28

have it on my phone. No, I need you to do it differently because clearly it's not working for you. Clearly. On your phone.

SPEAKER_01 53:34

Clearly. I

SPEAKER_00 53:36

don't know. Maybe it's just me, but the sight of seeing something like that. I

SPEAKER_01 53:40

agree. When I saw what you did, I was like, oh, I can see the gratification. Especially if it's in your face every day, it's really hard for you not to like... Because when it's on your phone, I can easily scroll past that app every day and not pay attention to it.

SPEAKER_00 53:50

And that's kind of what I was telling you. I use my phone calendar, but I also like to write that shit down too. I like to physically see it. And I think there's a statistic where you're more likely to remember it or do it if you're like... physically writing about it.

SPEAKER_01 54:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:07

I

SPEAKER_01 54:07

believe that.

SPEAKER_00 54:08

I love it. Well, are you satisfied with boundaries?

SPEAKER_01 54:12

I'm going to spend the next 30 days setting boundaries. I'm going to write down the times that I set boundaries. And then I'm going to hold myself accountable.

SPEAKER_00 54:20

I think maybe, okay, like instead of looking at it as a boundary, set a goal. Like set a goal and then create protection around that goal, if that makes sense. Like your boundaries are. I

SPEAKER_01 54:30

feel like my goal would be like I want to have less anxious days. And so anything that causes me to be anxious or cause that day to be anxious, that's going to be like a violation of that boundary. So it's like, okay, I can't do that.

SPEAKER_00 54:41

Yeah. That's a good

SPEAKER_01 54:42

step. Yeah. That's tangible.

SPEAKER_00 54:45

For sure. Good luck. Thank you. Wait, did I say in the beginning that I do want to be intentional about adding quotes? I don't even have like a quote that's related to, I mean, was there any quotes that I said that stuck out through the episode that I could highlight? Because I feel like I did throw some quotes in there. I

SPEAKER_01 55:01

mean, I feel like, yes, but then also like, I don't necessarily remember in this moment.

SPEAKER_00 55:07

Well, you liked the quote about it feels good to feel good. So simple, but a statement.

SPEAKER_01 55:13

Because I think it feels good to feel good. Like, why would you want to do anything that doesn't make you feel good? Right. I think it's hard to remind ourselves of that. Like, why would I do something that doesn't make me feel good about myself?

SPEAKER_00 55:22

Exactly. So we'll end it with that. Remember, it feels good to feel good. So do things that make you feel good, starting with setting boundaries. I hope you were able to connect with this episode to some degree, whether it was through laughs, aha moments, or even just a little encouragement. Any and all feedback is welcome. And as always, your time spent listening is greatly appreciated. Grateful for you all. Till next time, XOXO.