EP11: Embrace the unexpected. insights from my solo trip to AZ

In today's episode I share about my solo trip to AZ and the unexpected turn of events that led to powerful insights I am beyond grateful for.

Links
Kabbalah online course:
https://go.kabbalah.com/

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Hannah Snyder - YouTube

Transcript

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when you step back and you don't you don't grab the low hanging fruit you say no I I know there's something bigger for me. I know there's something bigger and I'm not going to be tricked by this low hanging fruit I know it's not this and not to settle for that instant gratification. Hello friends, welcome back to the fluidity podcast. I hope you guys are all having a beautiful day. Whatever day you're listening to this on. It's been a minute since I recorded it because I was in Arizona I have some episodes that I. Recorded prior so I would, you know be on schedule. So yeah, it's been I feel like it's been so long since I've been on the mic Excited to be back and I feel like a lot has changed in good ways Expansive ways always like those can feel very scary I believe your spiritual practice really does keep you grounded and Without those I don't know where I'd be. if you are feeling a little bit ungrounded and And you know what that means for you. Maybe this is your sign to get back to your spiritual practices or find a spiritual practice that really brings you back to your soul and back to the seed of your consciousness. Uh, I just felt called to share that in the beginning. But anyway, guys, I'm excited to talk to you. So let me take a little sippy sip of my tea. I did want to share with you guys the, Card I pulled this morning. I knew I was recording today and the card I pulled this morning. I, I just knew it was going to be perfect for what we're talking about today. And I don't really have, I would have a rough outline, very rough, just kind of a topic that I want to talk about, but it could go anyway. So we'll see. But the card I pulled this morning of my, Oracle cards is, oh, and I, you guys, I got these new Oracle cards when I was in, They had this really, really cute shop that I went in and just amazing store. And the card I pulled was Elixir of Life. And I did want to, yeah, like how beautiful the artwork is. I did want to read you guys, what it says in the, oh my gosh, I pulled it right to the open page, what it says in a little, guidebook. Mortality is a reminder that life is short. The Elixir of Life card does not offer immortality, but shows up in a reading to remind you that there are things that are greater than us, by adopting this philosophy, we can become part of a whole that is of itself immortal, immortal. We want both simplicity and abundance in seeing life. That pure energy connecting us can be liberating. Our unconditional capacity for love and kindness is immeasurable, and the ability to remove all fear, acknowledging the law of nature that governs the universe, places on us the power and responsibility to create our own sense of meaning I thought that was very powerful. Just to remind us that we are. Part of something greater and that's what I want to touch on in this podcast today and I'm also gonna touch on intention and all that good stuff But I do want to also say the quote that has been really Guiding me these last couple days the quote I heard from David he is a Transcript a, a speaker. He teaches Kabbalah and I've been taking some of his courses and they're amazing. And one thing that he says that I really love, it's not in a direct quote, but let me see if I can remember it. If I'm in control and I'm, I'm choosing, To do something that's proactive. if, if that choice is, if that thing is choosing me, it's reactive. He talks about proactive and reactive. And he says the difference is, proactive is when we choose that thing. and reactive is when that thing is choosing us. So that can be a thought, that can be a behavior. When we feel that it's controlling us, that's reactive behavior. And we get so caught up in behaviors and patterns that we don't even realize that they're It's reactive, and when I say reactive, I mean reactive to the pain we feel, the lack we fear, the pain we feel, the lack, the fear, reacting in a certain way, for example, talking bad about someone, or numbing yourself out with, alcohol, drugs, TV, anything that, gives you instant gratification that is reactive. And I just thought that was, uh, it really highlights a lot and, um, just helps us be a little bit more aware and every day and to come at things at, at, as proactive. And I'm choosing this, for example, I, I have been just having a lot of a lot of negativity come up, which I think is good because it's releasing. But every time I feel like the negative belief come up about myself or about what I'm doing or about life, you can feed into that and listen to it. But then that is choosing you. That's being reactive. I'm letting it speak lies. Proactive is pausing and choosing to feel and think something else. So that has been really positive. And it's not easy. It's not freaking easy to do. Anyway, yeah, that was my little quote. And it wasn't really necessarily a quote, but I guess a little Phrase or thing that's been or wisdom that I've been really carrying with me these last couple days and So I want to give you guys a little Recap of my trip and some things I learned and yeah, so my trip to Arizona I went solo as I told you guys in the last episode and I also shared that I was going to a breath work retreat one day retreat thing and Super excited about it. I get to Arizona right or i'm on the plane to Arizona and I start feeling sick And when I was younger, I used to get these terrible colds like really bad You What they put me out and honestly when I was little I got them so often so frequently and I just remember feeling like so much judgment towards myself with Being sick because these colds would take me down and drain all the life inside of me and these colds weren't just Like the physical symptoms. It felt like a cloud of negativity and sadness would come over me as well. And I remember always getting really depressed during these times when I was sick. And it happened to me a lot when I was younger. So when I got older, and you know, those stopped for a couple years. Really, I don't know why I got so sick when I was little, but I guess we all do. But it was like a, it was like a, Weird amount of how much I got sick Anyway, so when I got older I had like almost a big fear around getting sick Like I would get sick around the worst times or when things like I was really looking forward to something or I put a lot Of pressure on myself for some event. I would always have a fear of getting really sick now that left that was really big in high school and like college, but I feel like the last three years, like I've, been, I've just been really good about my health and my immune system. So like I, that fear kind of went away and, or maybe it didn't, maybe it was just hiding in the background and I just didn't notice it. But anyway, there's always a big fear about being sick. And so on the plane ride, Literally, right as I'm getting on the plane to go to Arizona, I get this, I feel it coming on and I'm, I know exactly what's going to happen. Yep, this is it. I'm going to be sick. I started, uh, In my head, I'm just having immense anxiety because one, I'm going to Arizona by myself. Um, it's already, I was already a little bit nervous for the trip alone and I had all these things planned and I was just like worrying about all the money I spent. And of course it was what happened to me, just, victim. And just feeling really, really sad and really lonely. And so I got to Arizona feeling, Not good. I was worrying about this event that I paid for. I'm like, I can't go to a breathwork event if I can't breathe out of my nose. And plus on the thing it says, if you're sick at all don't come. So I'm like, and it was two days away. And so I got to Arizona, got my Airbnb and I'm just feeling so sorry for myself. I am all these feelings of just, it was just, It was painful. Yeah, just feeling super alone. That night. I was just like super upset about being sick and Just yeah, just super pissed and the next morning. I woke up had a really I got better I felt a little bit better, but still I was still feeling sorry for myself, and I now that I'm On this path of really going inwards. Of course, I was like dissecting this and like, why am I so upset about being sick and not being able to go to this breath work event? And it made me realize my intention behind. Going to the workshop. Was that of lack? Was that of Looking outside myself for something to change my life or save me and I know talked about this before but it really Highlighted what I was doing and it also made me realize how much control I'm still trying to have in my life if I trusted the universe and everything I Would have Not been upset. I would have not felt so sorry for myself and not to say that I was wrong on any of that It just shows you what your true intense what your true intentions are and it corrects you I didn't figure this all out in the moment, by the way But once I let go of Once I let go of trying to control what was going to happen. And instead of being pissed about being sick the whole time and letting it ruin my time or being pissed that I missed the event that I was expecting to go to. Instead of all that, when I changed my mindset and thought there's something I can, there's something I meant to learn from this and there's a reason why it happened. I don't have to know that reason right now. I don't have to worry myself about how to fix it, what to do. I All I have to do is lean into it and know that everything is for my highest and best. And when I did that, I ended up having an amazing trip. It was not what I thought it was going to be at all. And it just really highlighted for me. That I was putting so much energy and intention behind feeling lack inside myself. When you do anything with the undertone of lack, it's always going to fall apart. I'm really grateful for that experience. So it helped me see really what I was calling into this world and what I was calling into my life, which was that of lack. And yeah, to really just get conscious about what intentions we're putting behind things. And sometimes it It's not always about what we're doing. It's why we're doing it. And for me, I know that I can put a lot of, I can do a lot of things without really being honest with myself of why I'm doing it. And because it's easier because that's the way we've learned. And that's the way I've learned we're filled in a world with lack and fear. And so it feels second nature to us to reach out for things because we want to fill that. We want to stop the pain. We want to stop the insecurity. We want to stop the lack. Okay. Inside of us by filling it with things that are truly never going to give us that And so I think that really goes back to what I said in the beginning about instant gratification When I was talking about instant gratification and reaction that kind of takes our power away when we are doing things because we think we need them to fill a hole inside when that's never gonna fill that hole. Also going back to the elixir card, there is such a bigger, there is a bigger picture. It's so much bigger than us, even in this lifetime, that sometimes we're not meant to know exactly what's happening and what's going on. And that can feel very scary because, at least for me growing up, intuition or feeling connected to a higher power was not really something that was in my life and so Learning to trust that after years of not being taught that is a lot To learn and a lot of trusting and of trust falling When you have that like fear on your shoulder and lack on the other side telling you in both ears Reminding you not reminding you but telling you of these lies. It's hard to You Get out of your head and get out of those negative beliefs and believe in something that maybe you don't hear or don't see, but deep down, it's there. It takes a lot of courage and trust, and that's why it is hard because it's, there's such a big reward at the end of it. When I say reward, it's just, it's something that you don't even know that yeah, like in, for the example I just gave with me being pissed that my plans changed and I was supposed to go to this breath work event and everything got flipped on its head. And. Yeah, we can feel upset about that. And the reason why we're feeling upset and angry about that and scared and like, Oh, I spent all this money. What was this for? It's because we don't see the bigger picture. And sometimes a lot of time we can't see that big picture because our, the human body that we're in. Can't hold all that information. So we have to trust in the universe and the higher power in our souls that it's guiding us towards our fulfillment, towards our destiny, towards the things that are truly going to. Make us happy and trust that yes, we don't know all the answers. We're not meant to I guess I learned that a big, that big lesson when I thought that I was like, Oh, I'm yeah, I can let go. I let go, but it's easy to, it's easy to let go when things go your way. It's easy to surrender when things go your way. But when things don't go your way and they don't go the way you expected them, it's so much harder to, Have that trust and belief in something, but that's when you're tested is when you're putting those situations I'm not saying that situation was like super dire or hard, it, trust me, there's way bigger situations that you're put into. I'm just giving an example of, of just the lesson I learned, um, cause that's all I can speak on. But this goes with any challenge or setback in life. When you look at it, uh, when you look at it with a lens of something's wrong, victim mentality. When you're looking at it through a lens of lack and being a victim to your circumstances, that's when you're taking the trust out of the universe and the universe wants so much more for you, for us, than we can even fathom. I just have to Let go of this negativity. I have to let go of trying to control my Outer world and just trust that there's a bigger picture being played out that I can't see Yeah, it just and it takes away a lot of the pressure, you know of needing to figure everything out needing to do everything Right needing to know what it's gonna happen next week or next month or next year Um, when you're following your intuition and what you know is right and it takes practice and you're not gonna be good at it at first. I'm like, I'm, I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing, but the mere fact that I'm trying and I'm putting the trust into it and not fighting it, it gets stronger, gets louder and the voice of lack and fear gets quieter sometimes. Sometimes it gets loud, but it's there to teach you a lesson always. Yeah, I just another thing that really changed my life and it's still changing my life is Having the perspective that everything's happening for me and not to me and if you can look at it that way You'll have more Um, you'll just be, you'll just be grateful for more things in your life and when you're more grateful, you can't be mad when you're grateful. You can't be upset when you're grateful. Do you know what I mean? And it's not to say that we're supposed to never feel these feelings of lack and emptiness. I was listening to a lesson, um, like I told you guys, I've been taking online courses on Kabbalah and one thing they just said before it was podcast that really. That was really amazing was when we take away instant gratification to fill the void of lack and fear, when we take that away, we're going to feel empty. We're going to feel empty because we're taking away the, the short term happiness and plug in anything that you use for instant gratification. You're going to feel emptiness for a little bit because you're detoxing that net you're detoxing and you're letting your vessel. Be open to receiving the light what we truly are. You're letting that come through, but it's not always going to feel great right away. It's because it's not instant gratification. That's why we gravitate towards. Instant gratifications because we get it right away. And so we don't feel that emptiness But when you step back and you don't grab the low hanging fruit you say no I I know there's something bigger for me. I know there's something bigger and I'm not going to be tricked by this low hanging fruit I know there's a frickin whole huge I don't know, table of fruits and everything that I'm meant to have in my life. I know it's not this and not to settle for that instant gratification. I hope this is landing for you guys, but it has really been influencing me and really helping me take a step back and looking in my own life of where am I taking the instant gratification? Because I know that we. I have limitless potential and when you're being tested and when you're being challenged, you get to choose how you answer that call. And it's never, these challenges are never meant to hurt you or put you down. They're meant for you to see how powerful and how great you are. And you don't need these instant gratification. You don't need these things to give you instant gratifications. instant gratification because there's something so much bigger and better for you that will fill you more than any of these little things ever would You're freaking unstoppable. What else did I want to, I do want to tell you guys a little bit more about my trip. So I got that, um, tangent out of the way. So when I took a step back I was like, what if this was all for me? What if this was the way it was supposed to go? The what was supposed to happen? How would I act? And by the way the next day like I felt better. It was just my nose that was super plugged up um, so like even that night when I Like accepted it and like was not letting myself like freak out. I feel like that already helped. Um, That already like got a lot of the sickness out that then when I woke up the next day it was just like my nose super plugged up and um, yeah, so I mean I still couldn't go to the breath work because You I couldn't breathe out of my nose, but I was able to You know, I went horseback riding I Hiked you guys the hiking in arizona if you've ever been there and you like hiking it is go it is freaking amazing The one trail I did it was like it was rock climbing. It was so amazing. It was so cool um, and it was a little bit harder for me because I I was just getting over a cold but thankfully, like I said the next day I woke up after the first night at it A lot of it went away. And I think that was because of my positive thinking or my like, it wasn't for all the spiritual work that I've done. I would have, I probably would've got way sicker than what I did, but, Oh, I got a tattoo. I don't know if you guys can see it. I got a cactus and that was actually very, very divinely led. I, let me just tell you guys this quick little story. So I was, it was the day, it was the second day I was there and I was at a coffee shop. Oh, by the way, coffee shops in Arizona, obsessed. I love them. So yeah, I was at the coffee shop and it was Friday the 13th and I forgot it was Friday the 13th because there was a lot going on in my mind. A girl next to me was like, Oh, it's Friday the 13th and blah, blah, blah. Talking about tattoos and I'm like, Oh yeah, Friday the 13th, they usually have deals. And so I had a, intuitive hit before I went to Arizona that I wanted a cactus. And so I then, but I completely forgot about it, obviously cause I was sick. So I completely forgot about it. I just felt like really inspired to get one. And so I ended up researching and in my head, I heard go to one that had something along the lines of like, go to one that has a 50, 50 tattoos. And I'm like, okay. So I called some people, um, And they're all like booked up. And then the last one I called the girl on the phone was like, yeah, we're doing them all, all night. Like walking, walk ins only no appointments. I'm like, perfect. And she was like, yeah, the tattoos are 50. And I'm like, okay, I'm going here. So I went to the tattoo shop and I was like feeling really nervous for some reason. I don't know why. And, but I felt like so led to do this. And like a lot of times with your intuition, you're not going to know why you're doing something. And that sometimes tells you. That's your intuition because your mind when you make up when you choose something using your mind You're gonna have an analytical reason of why you're doing it not to say that you're never gonna use your mind But like intuition you're really not gonna know why you're doing something like really know Why you're just gonna have that feeling that like this feels right and when you start feeling when you start feeling into your into Intuition you'll start to know what I'm talking about. And if you have you know what I'm talking about It's really you can't explain it the guy who tattooed me was a It, it was the best experience I've ever had getting a tattoo. That's probably one of my favorite experiences, that and yeah, probably one of my favorite experiences that I had there. I talked to, his name is Jesus. It was just such an amazing conversation that we had. And yeah. Um, you know, you just, it just, you meet amazing people when you follow your intuition and it just made me feel so much better and like less alone in Arizona cause like I was feeling just alone and sad because whenever I'm sick, I was once like, you just want someone to cuddle you and, and you just want your mom or you want, people that you know around you. And I just felt so alone there. I didn't, I don't have anyone there. And so to have Jesus give me a tattoo. And just have us have a really deep conversation and just feel like I had a friend in him. It was amazing. And, um, also a reason why. I got the cactus tattoo was because the meaning of it is of resilience and to remind me that everything I need is already within me because if you know cactus the cacti they hold their water inside of them and they Live in the desert and they're just resilient and they have all the water and all the resources they need within them So just kind of like goes back to the cactus Reminding us that we have everything we need within us and we are resilient even though sometimes we feel like we're not so yeah, it's just a really nice reminder and I Went horseback riding through the mountains and it was breathtaking and made me realize I want to move to Arizona. So yeah, I don't know when it's going to happen or how, but I know if I meant to be there, I will. And I really do feel very called to live in Arizona. I also think the reason why I went there was not for the breathwork, it was to really take a look at where I was, like where I stayed in Arizona. the town I was in, I fell in love with it. And so when I do move, I will know where I'm going. And yeah, I got to explore and just like learn. Explored the the town and I just felt very at home there. So Ended up being a really good trip and I got to oh and I'm I went hiking and I met um, Three of me no four amazing people at the top of the hill. I remember going up this hill. I it was fucking hard you guys i've never anything like this. it was rock climbing basically. And I remember halfway through I'm like, and by the way, I couldn't really breathe out of my nose, but I felt this like really huge urge to just go up the mountain and I really wanted to turn away, turn around and go back down halfway through I'm like, doubt fear all the stuff and i'm like, you know what? No, i'm not letting this Rule my fucking life So I ended up going all the way to the top and I got to the top and I met four amazing new friends And they were amazing They I follow them on instagram now and it was just yeah, it was just really really cool experience anyway, that's my trip I got to go to a lot of cute coffee shops and I got a tattoo. I got to hike. I got to go horseback riding and yeah, it was just all the things I love. Anyway, I hope you guys got something out of this episode. I hope that you enjoyed it. If you did, if you got something out of it, please like, subscribe. I will link my insta or my, yeah, my instagram. And if you want to listen to this on Spotify, I'll list that in the show notes. And what else was I going to do? I will also link, um, I will also link, Like I said, I was, I've been doing a Kabbalah online course and it's been really healing for me and just like transformative. So I'll leave that in the show notes if you want to check it out. Again, if it's calling your name, it's calling your name for a reason, but yeah, check it out. See what you think. And I hope you guys have an amazing day. Love you. Bye.