EP14: Darkness is the light in disguise. OOOM X FLUIDITY

This is a very special episode, the podcast's first guests!!! This is such a special episode for me as well, Nikki & Bella are two people I truly look up to. They have helped me so much on this journey. Today we are just three homies talking about how our challenges are our superpowers. This episode will leave you feeling empowered and ready to see a different perspective of your challenges. 

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Transcript

NIKKI: 0:00

think the whole point of the healing is to return back to your childlike essence. And when you remember that, As the core of why it is you're even doing this work of facing shadows and feeling your emotions,

BELLA: 0:12

you can't become more sensitive to pleasure without becoming more sensitive to pain. And it's just like, the more you expand, the more that, you know, you're able to feel on both ends. And at the end of the day, through that journey is when you come into this hole.

NIKKI: 0:24

I love teaching about this because it has been such a pivotal part of my journey of understanding that you don't have to wait for you to do something or to heal enough in order to access your inner power. it. Lost in the

BELLA: 0:37

Lost in the good

NIKKI: 0:38

the good sauce, exactly

HANNAH: 0:41

Hi friends, welcome back to the Fluidity Podcast. My name is Hannah, I am your host. And I'm so beyond excited to introduce to you guys, first, my very own, First guest on the podcast and the co host of my all time favorite podcast, the Ottawa Mind Podcast, Nikki and Bella. I'm going to introduce them separately and then I'm going to introduce them as a whole as our podcast. So starting with Bella, she is a writer, creator, producer, creative mentor, spiritual teacher. She blends the modalities of human design, breath work, creativity to help us tap into our innate wisdom. She's also a very talented dancer.

NIKKI: 1:19

Yes, shuffle

HANNAH: 1:20

we have Nikki and Nikki is a bad ass expansion coach. She helps us access our inner peace and power using elevated states of consciousness, spiritual expansion, and subconscious rewiring so that you can shift into your highest timeline together. They co host the out of our mind podcast. It is a playground for mystics, self explorers. It is an Epic journey of self discovery all while keeping it real lighthearted, playful out of our minds is. Where consciousness meets audacity, where spirituality meets unapologetic curiosity, and where the quest for truth becomes one hell of a wild ride. Together. They also created the bad ass community called the Omi's Oasis. I am so grateful to be a part of this. And it's also the reason for these two beautiful people coming on my podcast today. And. For those of you that don't know this community, like there's no words to describe the magic that you guys have created. Like seriously, I am so beyond grateful that I found you guys and yeah, it's just amazing. And I look up to you guys like as role models especially the way you carry yourself on social media, on your podcast, just with everyday life. Like I just love you guys. So welcome to the podcast, Nikki and

BELLA: 2:37

Thank you.

NIKKI: 2:39

Wow. We've never been like, this is our first interview and we've never been like

BELLA: 2:43

like, alright,

NIKKI: 2:47

Oh my God. Such a beautiful intro. Thank you.

HANNAH: 2:50

I was about to say, yeah, guys, those of you listening, you guys that have, The few of you that have been listening know that I haven't had a guest on here. So we are winging it today I do have some questions But before we get into that Nikki and Bella do you have anything you want to add to the introduction? Anything you want to say before we get into it?

NIKKI: 3:08

I do.

BELLA: 3:09

Send it.

NIKKI: 3:10

I am just feeling so inspired like seeing you in your magic of being on the mic and following your freaking soul right now. And it's just giving me this honestly, like full body chills thinking about how divine it is that we have all met each other. And that we get to now witness you in your own magic of creation. And it's amazing. So freaking cool. Like literally as you were doing the intro, I'm like, this is freaking

BELLA: 3:36

We're

NIKKI: 3:36

we're all just here doing our thing and it just feels so amazing and expansive and beautiful to see you in your magic. So thank you for inviting us on here. I just wanted to reiterate this is such a beautiful gift to us as well. So thank you. And I'm so freaking

BELLA: 3:52

freaking excited. Me too. I second everything she

HANNAH: 3:57

This is so surreal though guys. Like I remember the first time I heard you guys podcast I was just like how the hell have I never seen you before? I've never heard these two before because like I'm a podcast junkie and honestly, like beef, like there was other podcasts I loved. Yeah. But like something about you two is just there's no words to describe it. You know what I mean? And until you guys listen to them Again, the best things in life I think don't, you can't explain them. So yeah, I'm excited. My very first question and just topic I want to get into is how to navigate spiritual awakening and not letting our spiritual growth be a limitation. I think you two do such a good job at balancing like the fun and living your life with also like the growth and the healing. But you don't let that. Take you down like deep and stay in the darkness I can speak from experience that and there's a caveat to this. I do believe everyone Like there's a period in everyone's life where they do have that like darkness that they have to heal and they have to go through. I think we overstay our welcome in that. And I know I did, and you can feel like you have to fix everything or like you have to be healed. You have to be at this place to enjoy life. And I'm like just now getting out of that, but I know that has been like a big theme. And yeah, so I just want to know how to really, how others can navigate it. Cause I still don't really know how to explain how to get out of it. But not letting the shadow work, overtake your life. And cause really what we're doing this work for is to enjoy our life and to live it more. But sometimes the, the negative side can be like, it takes you out of like relationships and like you're, you don't do anything. So I would love to hear your perspective.

BELLA: 5:45

Oh my gosh.

NIKKI: 5:46

I feel like this is coming alive for Bella. I'm just gonna let her take the

BELLA: 5:49

Yeah. I just have a vivid kind of like time in my life and memory coming to me because,

NIKKI: 5:55

yeah, it's,

BELLA: 5:56

yeah, it's, I think first of all, to just know that there's a reason we have a term for that time, which is like the dark night of the soul or like in the shadow, whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Hermit mode and. It's so important because it's there that makes, the light and all the like uppity wonderfulness. So really what it is, right? Like we're living in duality. Like you don't have up without down. So like that in and of itself, when you're in that to just have that faith reminder of, even if it's just coming from an outside person in this moment to know that like you're not doing anything wrong. And in fact, it is a huge part of the process that

NIKKI: 6:38

that

BELLA: 6:39

I've been referencing Alan Watts today, but like that quote

NIKKI: 6:42

Send it.

BELLA: 6:42

it's always fitting of, you can't become more sensitive to pleasure without becoming more sensitive to pain. And it's just the more you expand, the more that, you're able to feel on both ends. And at the end of the day, through that journey is when you come into this hole. So in my experience, I had moments where I was so In the shadows. And so in just like that part of the awakening where you're so aware of yourself that you're actually like just thinking too much, you're like overthinking and you're just like in your mind all the time. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? And I remember my partner actually really helping me with this because he was like, dude, What's going on? Can we like chill out? Can we just have fun for a second? And at the moment it was definitely triggering and when you're in that you're like, what do you mean have fun? Everything is dark. Like you just feel like you can't get out of it And it's those moments when I actually think sometimes letting yourself break from what you think is spiritual is the most spiritual thing You can do because I have this vivid memory of it sounds like This is not the way you should do things, but I was in this overthinking mode and so just lost in the sauce, and my partner was literally like, I think you should drink tonight to literally calm down, and I had been explaining sobriety, and it actually happened. Helped me so much. And this is how custom and unique the spiritual process is because it's I fully agree that I don't resonate with alcohol. I haven't drank it in like basically five years, except for like random moments here and there. But in that moment, I needed to just. Fully let loose and have an outside source helped me to achieve that. And then I actually learned how much, again, alcohol didn't solve the problem, but it gave me the momentary relief from the anxiety and overthinking. And from there I was able to recalibrate and continue on the journey of doing the shadows and working with my awareness and bringing myself back, out of my mind and into my body. And. I was so grateful for that darkness because you know again, it's just like a that's how we understand the light and b it's a part of the process because we Are here to experience all the flavors of it and I would say too if there's someone in your life That's giving you that like nudge of hey, can we like just have fun for a sec? Can we just not think about our feelings for tonight? and then you're like but just let that be god speaking through someone trying to help you loosen up because And that's the thing about these, the spiritual journey is because we associate it with these boxes and labels of how, how this person does spirituality and how we think it should be. And a lot of that comes from religion, but being spiritual is not really anything. It's just who we are. So you just get to do it however you want. So

NIKKI: 9:28

religion,

BELLA: 9:29

that's my take.

NIKKI: 9:29

spiritual is not really anything. It's just who we are. So you just get to do it however you want. That's my take. And this is such an important reminder. I feel like with this topic, especially because there is a divine part of our path, as all of us can agree, where it's more internal, we're figuring out who we are not by detaching from things that maybe don't fall into alignment with us anymore. But then there's this realization of okay, yes, I'm healing. I'm evolving. I'm growing, but I'm also here on this planet of earth. And I incarnated into this body for this blimp of time and I'm going to have fun here. And I'm not saying the type of fun that needs to be like self destructive at every given moment, but just fun where like you're going on a hike and you're fucking running around and having fun and acting like a child. I think the whole point of the healing is to return back to your childlike essence. And when you remember that, As the core of why it is you're even doing this work of facing shadows and feeling your emotions, there's always a place to come back home to even when you're in a subconscious healing session, there's always an end where you're opening yourself up to the reality that is actually true of you being free of that thing. And when you're in that reality, you're feeling into the expansion of what you're accessing. And that is, The fun, the love, the joy. And you take that energy with you and you bring that into the world and into your life and into your relationships. And that's where you literally heal shift in energy. And then you take that energy and you let that impact the way you move through reality in like a fun, immersive 3d

BELLA: 11:11

Yes. Yeah. And remember we were listening to there's this song that has Alan Watts is in the room today. Sorry. Just he's here. Oh, he's

NIKKI: 11:20

He's always right here.

BELLA: 11:21

here. And there's this song that has a recording of him and it's so beautiful because it's about basically the balance and it's, he's explaining how Yes, there's like this higher meaning and don't be attached. And then he says, but also make it echo, fall in love, become attached. It's a balance trick. And you're meant to make those mistakes and play around and get stuck in the shadow and fall in love with the wrong person and go through the heartbreak. Like

NIKKI: 11:49

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

BELLA: 11:51

fun. Not in the moment, but it's part of the play. It's part of the play. And it's not unspiritual to experience all of those things.

NIKKI: 11:58

To experience all of

HANNAH: 12:01

I love what you guys are saying, and I think, too, where all that comes from the Trying to do the healing work to get to an outcome. It's really all the mind's trick at the end of the day. And what I realized too, is this spiritual work isn't to get us somewhere. It's for us to let go of trying to control things and trying to come off a certain way and just living because we want to do something and there doesn't have to be like a deep reason why it's just, we feel like doing it and to get us out of our logical thinking and just, yeah, I agree. Just have fun and. I think I was truly meant to go to this like serious end of my life like be so serious to now come to Be very playful and not take shit. So seriously but yeah It is hard when you're going through that dark night of the soul to see On the other side like all this is meant for a different purpose and it's not meant to get Stuck in it. It's meant to eventually Help us live more, not less. So I really love what you guys said. And I think too, like I was going to touch on the like sobriety part that you said, cause I think, and I actually really loved your, I listened to that podcast where you were talking about The whole not drinking thing and I totally agree. I think that we put labels on things and because drinking is bad not to use it as having fun and whatnot and that's your story I have had the opposite where like i'm learning to have fun without alcohol and Like I just realized like it was literally all in my head that I was making it a problem when it really wasn't a Problem. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if that makes sense But everyone's journey is completely different and like the way that we look at alcohol is can be different But we can both hang out together and be doing like you drinking me not drinking and like it can all be cool it's only the perspective and the like Yeah, just us thinking too much about it and making it a problem when it's not so yeah I just wanted to touch on that. Anything else you guys want to add before we move on?

NIKKI: 14:06

I feel like that all, it always comes back to the neutralizing topic. Because if someone's making it like a bad thing, they need to see that it's not a bad thing by just doing it and then being like, okay, this is not a preference for me to feel this way. So then it's like a neutral, because I've also been on a journey of, Like navigating how I feel about alcohol. And I wasn't really drinking. And then I went to Europe and I would have a spritz and like a cocktail when I was out to dinner. And when I came home, I just had more data and information about my relationship with alcohol. And I just allowed myself to have the freedom to explore it. Like how you were saying. Because that takes it from the category of being bad to just neutral. And then you get to actually decide what your relationship is with it from that empowered place instead of a place of this person said that you shouldn't drink alcohol if you are healing and all this. And then it's okay, you're at a restaurant and you're like wanting to order the cocktail, but you're like, I shouldn't be drinking this. I shouldn't be drinking this. Meanwhile, if you just order it. You figure out how it actually works for you. Maybe you'll find that it even helps you. I know that there are some spiritual people that freakin love alcohol and it works for them. And that's their journey of what feels good for them. And we were having a conversation on our hike today about how we There is something to be said about your own perceptions and beliefs of what works for you and what doesn't. If you thoroughly believe that something is good for you and works for you, you can actually live in a reality where that is the case for you. So it just goes to show that, again, it's not good nor bad, it just is, depending on the consciousness that you're putting behind it. And sometimes you have to dip into, dip your toes in the lake to figure out that it's not the lake that you want to swim in.

BELLA: 15:43

and there's nothing wrong with the lake, really. You're just

NIKKI: 15:45

Yeah, maybe you just like a warm lake and it's a cold lake. Right?

HANNAH: 15:59

it and until you try all these different things and I don't know I think people just get too stuck up on other people's journey and make it mean something about them You know, like I know I got stuck in this like I wanted there to be like a right and a wrong, you know cuz our Logical brain like doesn't think we want something to be right And if we do it the opposite way, then that's wrong So I think it's just letting go of the right and the wrong and what should I do? What's the right thing at the end of the day? There's no right thing. It's just Exactly what you said. It just is it's not yeah, I think Before spirituality you make everything so serious and then after it's like everything is just

BELLA: 16:35

Yes! You

NIKKI: 16:36

you have to go through the journey of making it so serious and then you come back home to Oh, because it's remember, we're literally living in a world that we have these agreements of like how we were watching last night. This is a lamp. That's the floor. That's a TV. We all agree collectively on things that are bad or good. And as you elevate your consciousness, you recognize that there actually is no bad or good. And this is where the biggest like moments of healing come in is when you remove those labels and you just get to be the being, because if you're trying to heal within the conditions of the programs of society and just the agreements, you're always going to be limited to heal. How do I word this? You will not expand past what the limits of

BELLA: 17:24

Yes. Yeah.

HANNAH: 17:25

I

NIKKI: 17:25

is malfunctioning. It's

BELLA: 17:26

Yeah. It's not even real. It's it's like a bird in a cage that looks at other birds flying around and thinks that they're crazy. And they don't even realize that there's a cage around them. And then they're like, Oh, I thought I was crushing it, but I was crushing it within the realm of a cage.

NIKKI: 17:38

right so just everything's an illusion. There's no good or bad. And you get to just choose what works for you and what doesn't. Ha.

HANNAH: 17:44

I love that analogy. I'm gonna steal that. That was good

NIKKI: 17:48

Heh.

HANNAH: 17:49

next topic I'm excited about and So I'm gonna tell you the topic and then I'm gonna explain and I'm gonna ask the question. So the topic is The soul led grind conscious entrepreneurship and I want to say I was so excited for this interview Like right after we scheduled it. I was like thinking of questions I'm like what I want to ask what I want to ask and I had to filter it out because I had a lot And the one question was revolving around this and this was before You guys announced your like new tier on your Omni's Oasis. By the way, everyone that's listening, they have a Omni's Oasis 2. 0 and it's freaking amazing. I'm so excited. They added a tier called the quantum creator, and it is for those on their spiritual entrepreneurship, journey. And before I even knew this, like you guys are people that I want to learn from like just you guys just spill out that like energy the way you guys come to your business to your podcast Everything i'm like again such role models So like i'm so excited that you guys came out with this and just know i'm not the only one that feels this way and when you came out with that I was like I was happy, but I wasn't even surprised. I'm like, of course this is just of course, this is what you guys are going to do. Yeah. So now to the question, you guys. So how can we not get sucked back into overworking and like pushing and forcing when we're starting our own business, especially when it's a sole led mission, you're so passionate about it, but I feel like I know my whole life It was like pushing and forcing and doing all the wrong things basically, but that's how I learned how do we know that like our ambition and our like drive is coming from like that soul led place versus a place of lack and needing to prove Ourself because I feel like those lines can get blurry especially when you're starting and like you're not so sure yourself and you're not so sure of The path because as you guys know it's you don't really know much at the beginning You're just following a whim. So yeah, I just want to see your thoughts on that.

NIKKI: 19:52

I would say intuition is like a really important part of this conversation. And also there's a part of me that wants to be like, you don't know, you literally don't know. You just have to go in and learn as you go. But what was coming through for me was that we've been talking a lot about this idea that we're not alone in these creations. And when you get an idea to start a podcast or to open up a coaching business or to go down the path of human design, you're being guided by Your inner compass. And the more you tune into that, the more you get clarity on the things that you actually want to do, that your heart and soul is guiding you to do. And when you're on this path, there will be a lot of noise around you of things that you should do or timelines that you should be on. And that's where like the 3d old paradigm work.

BELLA: 20:44

Flow

NIKKI: 20:45

Flow starts to, to pour into this and we just have to always check ourself of okay, we're working in a new paradigm where there are new

BELLA: 20:52

ways of being

NIKKI: 20:53

being within the entrepreneurship journey. And it starts with understanding that we are constantly in flow and in communication with this higher power. And when you open yourself up to be in that co creation, you'll realize that there's always this inner guidance that is guiding you on a path of what you can lean into with your actions or launching something or creating something. And It's just always checking in with those should energies. And we didn't ask an episode on healthy hustle because it was a conversation where we were talking about like the truth of starting a business. There is an aspect of this where You're fucking hustling. Like you're staying up late. Like we were staying up late last week when we were launching Oasis 2. 0. We were like, I was laughing cause we both have whoops, which are like those little bracelets that track your like sleep and stuff. And I have her as a friend and like our sleep scores were like so terrible for one of the nights and I'm like on that launch grind, but there is a different undertone that you can sense with the conscious hustle versus the burnout hustle. And. Another last thing that I want to say here is that when you are hustling from a heart led place, the hustle will fuel you when you feel like you're burning out because you're taking action based off of this, I need to do this. And it's out of fear and oh my goodness, I need to get this done and do this. When you just relax, you understand that you are so guided and so held and that you can trust the divine timing of your path. You open yourself up to the new paradigm of everything happens on time. When I get an idea, I'm meant to take action on it. It's all unfolding perfectly. I'm not behind. Cause there's literally no such thing as being behind. My output does not equate to the wholeness of who I am. This is like all new paradigm truths that you tap into that open you up to a world where hustling doesn't actually have a negative connotation to it. It's just I actually really enjoy doing this thing. And Having fun and flow and I'm going to stay up and I cannot wait to launch it and get it done. And also I know that I'm a full complete being that the results of this doesn't change the wholeness of who I

BELLA: 23:04

complete being and the result of this doesn't change the wholeness of who I am. I've had nights where I stayed up late to do something because I was freaking out and trying to get something out of the thing I was doing and I've had nights where I stayed up late because I just got Lost in time and was in a flow and I was channeling something. It was beautiful and I loved it

NIKKI: 23:32

it. Lost in the

BELLA: 23:33

Lost in the good

NIKKI: 23:35

the good sauce, exactly.

HANNAH: 23:37

I love that. No, I sorry keep going and

BELLA: 23:43

Yeah, I mean I just yeah, I think it's like

NIKKI: 23:45

like,

BELLA: 23:46

It's so personal and it's so I think you really have to allow yourself to go through the shadow expression because one thing I was thinking about was how with every human design gift and this is connected to Gene Keys is there is meant to be a shadow expression of something that we do that is actually A gift is from a soul place, but the soul itself goes through shadows. Like the soul is not immune to that. Like at the end of the day, the soul and ego are friends like they're working together. So it's like new flash. So it's like thinking about how it's okay to not even is okay. It's actually very helpful to let yourself work through the shadow expression of whatever it is that you are creating. And let's say as it pertains to entrepreneurship or work or, bringing your purpose into this life. serving your purpose that

NIKKI: 24:34

purpose

BELLA: 24:34

you will actually figure out what the light and like highest expression of this gift that you have is by going through the shadow. And I learned this really vividly because my biggest gift in human design has to do with like ambition and ascending and wanting to basically like always achieve more. And you can see how that could very quickly Being a freaking shadow expression of grinding because I should and trying to extract something out of like the result And that's one energy but then there's the energy of when it's no I just freaking love this and I just want to keep going and I just love the process and It freaking fuels me, like you're saying, like the work fills you up. And that's where the knowledge of self, what, through whatever modality, just self discovery or human design or Genki's or subconscious healing, whatever it is where you uncover more of those flavors and let yourself make the mistakes because it's through that, that then we figure out what feels good. Like I'm so glad I went through a stage of being in the shadow expression of that ambition because then I. identified this very important belief around not enoughness that once I shifted that, it was like I felt even more capable and arguably worked harder, but like it felt so much better. And then the returns were even more satisfying because I was doing it from that fulfilled place, but I needed to go to the shadow. I had to do that to figure out what was going to work better. And that's like the holistic, I think, journey of figuring out what that soul led grind is. The last thing I'll say is It's really important to let that be personalized because we're two generators talking about this and it's like that idea of the limitless like battery and that like we sleep better when we like really go full out like as a projector, for example, like you might be. You're going to have your flavor of a soul lead grind that might look more yeah, basically your grind is being in like the back end of toiling away at the details and like you stay up late, like thinking through things and like teetering with the angles of how you produce something like that's your grind, right? It's not always like full out energy.

HANNAH: 26:42

That up later in the podcast. About the, cause I've been really into, you guys know, human design and gene keys. And I was going to mention some of you guys gifts and you mentioned what I was going to mention, but yeah, getting from the low expression, like you can't, Experience the high expression without the low and I love that you touched on the generator versus like projector because I'm a projector And what i've noticed with this experience is that like I was doing way too much and i'm Actually noticing now that it's actually like I was making things so much harder for myself And I think I did that because of this belief of like it has to be hard It has to be like really hard and then now i'm seeing like You I'm getting so much more done and it's actually easy and it's like hard to wrap my head around. But like, cause it's just like a belief that like you have to work really fucking hard and it's like just a grind. But now I'm like, I am listening to my intuition more and it's so much easier. And I'm like, wow, what have I been doing this whole time? But yeah, I couldn't have got there without like literally seeing. Like burning myself out and it was getting me freaking nowhere. It was getting it was I was going backwards at the end of the day so Yeah, and I love that you said that about the low expression to the high expression because I think that's The most important thing for all of us to understand is like you really if you want all the good stuff You're not gonna get there without seeing the bad and at the end of the day. It's not even bad

BELLA: 28:11

Yeah. Exactly.

HANNAH: 28:12

know what? It's just a process. Yeah

BELLA: 28:14

yeah, spot on. Yeah, it's very interesting with the energy types and like, how different the flavor is, cause

NIKKI: 28:20

because It's

BELLA: 28:21

It's just again, and it's all really important to understand like those associations we make with language and symbols and words and like what I say when I'm saying grind, it's going to mean something different to you and to you. And even if they're slightly similar, that's where, we're all still exerting energy and doing something, but it's all about just think about even the tone behind words of if I'm saying,

NIKKI: 28:44

saying

BELLA: 28:45

God, I gotta get this done versus, Oh, I gotta get this done. I'm pretty excited about that. That's like completely different universes. And it's, that's those subtle shifts and per energy type. It's like such a beautiful way to do that because you're built, you have a mechanical system within you. That's going to help you figure that out. And at the end of the day, I'll still call it like you're doing like the soul led grind. It's just your way of it.

HANNAH: 29:09

I love that. Yeah. And I also had a question if this was your guys experience, but the more that you become aware of like your, I guess negative patterns of like maybe doing things because you feel like you have to prove yourself, that they get so loud to where like you can't even, You're not even driven by that anymore, like I remember two years ago Like the things I would do like I would hear these voices and they felt so much like me And so I would do them and now I can since I separated myself I can hear them and be like no You know what? It's and it it's so crazy It's such a shuttle subtle shift, but it happens over time and I feel like i'm just now seeing it and Sometimes I get in that mode where I'm why did I make things so hard for myself? But again, like I wouldn't have known that if I didn't see where the other path led me So I was just curious if guys felt that too to where like you literally can't even go through with the thing Cuz it just feels so tense and sticky. It's

BELLA: 30:06

Yeah,

NIKKI: 30:06

Yeah, I think that's the process of like things falling away that are just out of alignment because some things are in alignment in your life when you are identifying yourself as a certain person. I'm sure the three of us can even think about certain friendships where we're like, Yeah, that was a friend in my life. And now you're looking back and you're like, Oh no, that was a friend in my life because there were these beliefs and identities that I was holding where they perfectly aligned with that kind of reality. So yeah, once you become aware of like certain perceptions that maybe you're still working through, or maybe they pop up here and there, You catch them immediately in the moment and like the action that you were going to take because of some sort of fear. Now you can either take the action with a different energy or yeah, I totally got what you're saying. Like you get to a point where you're like, what, wait what was I going to do? What was that action that I was going to take? That's not me.

BELLA: 30:56

Yeah, it's making me think of even I finally have been reading the power of now by a car totally. I don't know how it took me so long, but so good. And it's like those things where you just realize you're becoming the observer of the thoughts rather than just the thoughts and identifying with it. And. That's where it's like the voice might like is still can still be there right of the ego voice the self doubt voice or whatever it is and you're just no longer blind to the fact that's can just be a transient thing coming through you and it's not something you have to like, listen to or be identified with.

NIKKI: 31:29

to or be identified with. Yea.

HANNAH: 31:31

The next like thing I want to bring up actually I didn't notice How well this is going to fit in here, but I by the way, I love you guys's tick tocks And nikki there is one. There is one tick tock the way you explained it I don't know hit different and i'll explain to everyone what the tick tock was about but basically nikki was talking about facing You And how when you show the universe, you can be with that energy or like the low expression, like anxiety, doubt, fear, et cetera. And you let that energy just flow and you're then able to experience the flip side of that, the higher emotion or the higher expression, which is inner power confidence. And I feel like, especially for me, if you would have told me this a couple of years ago I couldn't even fathom that this was like even a possibility, like we're not taught that these emotions actually are like what gets us to like what everyone wants, and yeah, I would just love to dive deeper into like the way that you explain this. Cause I thought it was just like, it was magic.

NIKKI: 32:34

Yeah I went through first of all, thank you for receiving my message. That means a lot for someone who loves to send out messages like that. But I went through a really deep phase of healing about two years ago where I was focused on accessing inner peace. And I was doing a lot of subconscious healing and I was reading the power of now. And I was understanding on a deep level what it means to just fully be in the now and to access this vibration of inner peace. And through that journey, I was working with a subconscious healing coach. I was really facing my own darkness. And I always had this perception of okay, to get inner peace, you have to do all these things and like meditate and get this in order in your life. And then peace is at the end of the journey that you're on. It's at the finish line. And then I started to do this work and I started to recognize that through reading the power of now and integrating my own healing into my journey, that we all have these emotions within us that are uncomfortable, like anxiety or fear or doubt. And when you open yourself up to them and you don't fight, you don't flight, you don't do anything to try and change it. except accepting it, you are pretty much showing your nervous system that you can be with this energy and it does not define you. And the energetics of this is so cool to think about because once you are with, let's say the energy of anxiety and instead of fighting or flighting or running somewhere, you allow yourself to sink into a place of presence and acceptance with it. And through that state of observation, you're signaling to the nervous system that you're safe to be with this energy and you're opening yourself up to actually feel the passing vibrations through your vessel. And I have found that this has been such a powerful lesson for me in accessing the inner peace, the inner power, the confidence, because I realized that you actually don't have to change or do anything. You have access to these higher frequencies and ways of being always. And as soon as you open yourself up to feeling those. When you are with anxiety and fear in a loving way, and you're observing it, that is when you allow yourself to access a really deep feeling of inner peace. When you're with a feeling of doubt and fear, and I don't know if I can fucking do this, and you allow yourself to expand into it, and you take the action or do the thing that your mind is telling you can't do, You literally access the feeling of confidence and that like limitless power that is within you. And I love teaching about this because it has been such a pivotal part of my journey of understanding that you don't have to wait for you to do something or to heal enough in order to access your inner power. It is something that is always available to you. Through the act of being with the discomfort and the lower vibrations and not letting them go up into the mind where all the stories exist, you open yourself up to being with that. And then the coolest part about this is that when you show your nervous system that you can be with like a really big energy of fear or doubt. That is a really Big energy that your body is holding and your nervous system is literally expanding and you can actually then hold the bigger energies of like inner power and confidence. The same with if you're feeling dirt broke and you allow yourself to feel into that energy of feeling so not abundant and you just allow yourself to go into that emotion. You're showing your nervous system. Oh, okay. I can actually be with this emotion. That is.

BELLA: 36:25

added

NIKKI: 36:26

At its root an illusion and you open yourself up to experience this deep feeling of Whoa, okay, I can actually be with this energy and I don't need to identify with it. And I can access this flip side of like abundance, peace, and power. So my main message is that you got all of this energy within you always. And sometimes the way of accessing that is through the freaking shadow and sinking into the acceptance and love for that energy.

BELLA: 36:52

love for that energy. Mhm.

HANNAH: 36:55

Wow. I love that so much. While you were talking, what I thought of, I don't know if you guys ever, or if you've heard of Kabbalah, I know Bella, you probably have with human design, I got into Kabbalah and they I love spirituality because everything, all the different modalities are talking about the same thing, just in different ways. And what you're speaking on is basically the, those low vibrations. Are like cleansing your vessel to get you ready to receive The higher expressions, so think of it as clearing out. And I think that has helped me so much to not feel like something's wrong with me or not feel like I'm doing something wrong. It's actually like to switch your mindset and be like, Oh wait, I'm doing everything right. And that's why I'm feeling this because there's like this big break or this big energy that's coming my way and I need to feel this to let it go to yeah, expand and let all the, the flip side of it in. So yeah, I, you guys go follow her on tick tock and Bella, the way you explained it and the way you discipline that there is just so beautiful. Cause it like, it cuts deep. So thank you very much.

NIKKI: 38:00

Yeah, thank you. and The one thing I will add with this is that Like how you're saying you can see all of these big emotions hitting you at the perfect timing because when you look back, you always have the perspective of Oh, I was dealing with that, like emotion and feeling that emotion because I was being given the opportunity to like what you're saying. release it and feel into it so that you can then experience the flip side. And I can look back at my journey and be like, Oh yeah, I was going through a little bit of a shadow here of feeling like not so confident so that it could slingshot me into this like really high timeline that my soul was calling me into. And there is nothing wrong that you're doing. If you're feeling off or if you're feeling like you're going through a little bit of a clunky time, maybe it's just the exact thing that your soul is gifting you an opportunity of being like, okay, this is here. Now, show us what you can do with this, expand into it, and then we'll gift you this beautiful new timeline that is just waiting to drop in.

BELLA: 38:55

timeline that is just

HANNAH: 38:56

Exactly. And I think it takes practice too, because in the beginning you you feel those emotions and you get stuck in them and you do think they are you. So it keeps you there, but the more times you. Practice it and you hear other people talk about it. I think it gives you the just like the faith and the trust to Try something different and not let yourself go down that spiral and then the more times you do it the more confidence you get And then things just start like adding up. It's that momentum with you guys like, you started just like dealing with it and seeing it through and it just kept compiling on top of each other So that's also so inspiring for others to see is And I love your, was it last week's podcast that you spoke about this, like the whole journey? Yeah. It was really powerful. So again, thank you for that Bella, is there anything you wanna add?

NIKKI: 39:43

I just loved listening to that and I think it's always, actually it's I think Nicky just helped

BELLA: 39:49

the other night because I, Was we were like doing a little meditation ceremony thingamajig and we were like dropping in and all of a sudden I was having a lot of like intrusive thoughts and fears coming up and I was like, what the is going on? Like it was a lot and I almost. swept under the rug, which to be honest is something that would happen sometimes when I'm just like, I don't know, you're just like, don't want to deal with fear. You're like, ah, no love and light. Just, ah, this is not here. And it was a really beautiful moment because it was a softening into just letting myself feel the fear and that it was okay. And that there was such a nuanced Just subtle way that resisting the fear and almost being afraid of the fear was. The thing, making it more uncomfortable than just letting that emotion transiently come through me. And what really was just clicking as you were explaining that is. The idea of the love is always there and the love is within you no matter what and it's like the raindrops are the little anxiety the fear that's coming in but it's not the permanent essence of who you are and that is I think something really huge that just reminds you of that's the deeper why behind feeling the emotions and doing emotional release and sitting with whatever is present within you because it's not. Meaning that you are no longer, a being of positivity and light and whatever you want to identify with. And it's actually that reminder that like that love and wholeness and everything and inner powers is a constant. It's just like there's like different lenses that sort of fly over it for a second.

NIKKI: 41:26

Yeah.

HANNAH: 41:27

Yeah. And I think too, like when I used to hear feel your feelings, I used to get so annoyed because I'm like. I used to think about the feeling, not feel it. And I think we get stuck in that too, where we think we're feeling it, but we're really just like thinking about feeling it. And until you actually feel it in your body you won't understand. And I think we clench our fists so much because we're trying to control the, what it's supposed to feel like in our mind, if that makes sense. it just has to go back to personal experience. And again, there's really no words to describe how feelings feel to you. And I think that's really big too. Cause I feel that I got into even trying to control how certain things felt, which sounds crazy to say, but you don't even, you get in that loop of yeah, I feel this. Then I go to be, then I go to see, it's like letting go of the process of like how you like logically. And that's what we're really stepping into right now is not logically thinking about how it's supposed to be. And it's so hard, but it can be

BELLA: 42:22

Yeah. Oh my God. So important. Yeah.

NIKKI: 42:25

Yeah.

HANNAH: 42:27

All right, guys. So I do want to geek out on a second for a second on human design.

NIKKI: 42:32

Send it.

HANNAH: 42:32

Those of you at home, Nikki and Bella let me look at their charts and. Oh my gosh, you guys, I cannot tell you how much fun I had looking at your guys charts. Especially you two that are like so aligned with your charts and so in your purpose it was like frickin so cool to see my I have a twin sister and We lived together and I was like at my desk doing this and I was just like this had a smile on my face And I was like couldn't help but share I'm like dude. This is so cool She didn't understand what I was saying, but like I was just like having a field day so I do want to touch on there's two things in each year's chart. I probably could touch on a lot more but because it's time I picked two things in each year as a chart that I just wanted to reflect on like how I see it from like a outside view. And then I really want to hear like your personal experience with it. And this goes back to by the way, I focused on the gene keys and your gates because that's really what I'm into right now. And it just these are the two things that stuck out. But As we said prior to this, there's a low expression and then there's a high expression. So I'd love to hear like maybe your experience with maybe the low expression and how you got to the high expression and like anything about your experience with that. Nikki, I have you first So one of the things that stuck out to me And it's funny both of you guys is the things that stuck out to me was the same placement Like not the same gates, but like the same placements in both your charts was that like was really illuminated. Yeah so Nikki has her conscious son in gate 22, which is all about, by the way, gate 22 is in the emotional center and it's the gate of grace. I'm just going to read some of my notes here. So like offering grace and compassion to yourself and others and the presence of pain and suffering. This is a gate of like deep emotional intelligence and deep emotional sensitivity, like really strong intuition to the states of others and an ability to create harmony and group settings. Like just that right there. That's exactly how you come across in the Omi's Oasis. Like after reading that, I'm like, did they like look at Nikki's life and how she's coming across and put it in

NIKKI: 44:39

That's how it works, right?

HANNAH: 44:40

When I was learning, yeah, so that was so freaking cool and Like you really do show the richness of your highs and your lows But you do it with such like a compassion and like for like compassion for yourself Which I think is like the biggest thing When you see someone else having compassion for themself, it like gives you hope that they're not You can have that compassion for yourself.'cause I feel that is a big piece that we leave out is that compassion for ourself. So like you are just a really big role model in that area and I've learned so much from just emotional intelligence from you. So I would love to know how you got here

NIKKI: 45:18

Oh my goodness. I don't even know if this would be the shadow expression of that of not having compassion for self. Would that be like my journey? So when I think about my journey of

BELLA: 45:31

healing

NIKKI: 45:32

and

BELLA: 45:33

learning

NIKKI: 45:34

Learning about like emotional intelligence, I would go through, I used to go through these waves of I would, I'm going to put air quotes because self sabotage is really just self protection, but I would go through these phases of feeling an emotional low, but I would self sabotage if I was down there being like, okay, I'm down here already. I don't even think I was doing this consciously, but I would just

BELLA: 45:55

myself in

NIKKI: 45:56

in these scenarios where I would. Almost

BELLA: 45:59

keep the

NIKKI: 46:00

the emotional low going in like a self destructive way. And then I would go through this cycle of shame and guilt of not feeling high vibe or feeling off. And I think that was the perfect curriculum for me to go through of learning how to have. Deep compassion for myself when I'm navigating these ebbs and flows through life, I literally had to go through the fire of feeling the opposite of that. And it was one of the biggest places that I did a lot of my subconscious healing in was like, I would show up to like my coaching calls with my coach and I'd be I don't get it. Like I messed up. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I don't understand. And she would just always remind me, she's what is this? What is wrong with feeling like this, like really let yourself just be in this experience and just pick up on like the narrative of what you are assigning this experience and the meaning that you're creating out of these ebbs and flows. And through that journey, I just started to understand, Oh, like you can just.

BELLA: 47:01

let go

NIKKI: 47:02

Oh, and you can just flow and you can allow yourself to feel an emotion and it doesn't change the core essence of who you are on a deep soul level. And that truth right there, like sitting in subconscious healing sessions and having a coach be like, okay, but what are you believing about yourself as you're in a low, like what is the story that you're creating about that experience? I'm not enough. I did something wrong. I messed up. And I started to understand. That the wholeness of who I am doesn't change when I'm feeling an emotion. And that's where the self compassion came in because it's the same thing with a baby, if you see a baby crying, it's not Oh, that stupid baby.

BELLA: 47:39

That stupid baby.

NIKKI: 47:40

Stop crying. It's Oh wow. What a beautiful soul experiencing a passing emotion. I started to take on that perspective within my own journey and I just softened within the emotional lows. And it's still a journey. Like I'm still on this journey. There are still moments where I'll be feeling an emotion and I'm like, I'm not supposed to be feeling this way. And then I'll be like, Oh, I'm on my period. Yeah. So it's just the constant softening into. What the mind wants to do, which is create a whole story around how we shouldn't be feeling a certain way. And as soon as you remove that, you recognize, Oh, okay. One, I'm not defined by this two doesn't change the core essence of who I am. Three, it's temporary experience. And something my coach always said to me was like, Oh, Do not believe the stories your mind will tell you when you're in an energetic glow. And I remember this every single time. So when my mind is like ripping all these stories, and if I'm riding a wave of emotion, I can feel the stories pop up and I just hold myself with compassion. And I'm like, damn girl, you got this. Allow yourself to feel it. It's funny you bring this up, because I honestly didn't even know this about my Human Design chart.

BELLA: 48:49

Bella's way more into

NIKKI: 48:50

That was way more into reading the charts and stuff. I'm sure she knew this about me, and I didn't even know this about me. But, that is really cool to hear, because it is a journey that I've been on, and I just want to Let this be a reminder to all of you guys that if you are struggling with any sort of like shadow, or you feel like this is like a bad thing and it's a part of your journey that you just can't get, it may be the thing that your soul came here to actually emulate in a really beautiful way. And to be like the shining star for other people that other people maybe haven't gone through those same initiations because they're not meant to embody that higher truth in the same way that you do.

BELLA: 49:26

you do. So

HANNAH: 49:28

Exactly and that's why I love human design man. It just like Validates these like it's oh, this is why i'm going through this and it gets you excited for the lows You know and not always

NIKKI: 49:39

know there's a gift in

HANNAH: 49:40

softens the

NIKKI: 49:40

Yes,

HANNAH: 49:41

a little bit. Yeah, exactly okay, so I wanted to like I have two for each, but I'm going to let go to Bella. Then I'll go back to Nikki and I'll go to Bella. So Bella, same placement that stuck out and she already mentioned it, but she has her conscious sun gate and gate 54. I also have this gate actually which is the gate of ambition. And. Bella, just your presence, like ambition, just like pours out of you. Like when I saw this, I was like, wow, this makes so much sense. And it's also in the root center, which I think has a lot, it's all about drive and just like really wanting to reach the heights when I was reading about this gate, it did talk about the low expression of trying to always get material things as growing, but also when you get to the higher expression, it's also like spiritual growth and ambition in that round too. And I did read your gene keys and what they said in it, So what Jean Keyes said about her placement in 54 was what you're here to do your whole life is about believing in yourself and your ambitions in order to get where you really want to get to the most important thing your life in your life is to find the right allies, those who recognize you rather than those who will get in your way. And that made me think of you two and like the beautiful bond that you guys have made you guys just fit together so well. So I just thought that was interesting that was that was in the gene keys and that was like your, yeah your most potent gift. And yeah, I would love to hear more about what you

BELLA: 51:13

Yeah. Oh my gosh. I love this gate. And I've learned to really love it because the shadow of it was intense and still is intense. And it's

NIKKI: 51:24

And it's a,

BELLA: 51:25

I actually, before I knew my human design, I had a very vivid recognition of a limiting belief and a shift. A few years ago, I think this was like in 2020. I was spending a lot of time alone. This was like the time of my spiritual awakening and I was in the shower as we get spiritual awakening in the shower cause we're just on autopilot. And I realized that I was shaming myself and not accepting how much ambition I had. And I was in this place where I was like, I have. An enormous vision and big dreams. And I had this desire for a certain flavor of like fame and just climbing the ladder, not the ladder, but I just had this ambition of I want to do cool shit and make stuff happen in this life. And I wasn't accepting it because I felt, I just made myself feel bad for like basically wanting a lot or having this desire that can honestly be taboo for some people to just own and be like, yeah, I want to be like, Really well known. And I want to be a public figure. Like most people sometimes have like trouble owning that and I was having trouble owning it. And that was a part of that when I learned later of making friends with my ambition and realizing that is a gift that I have within me, that then is this drive to provide for myself, to like really ascend on that ladder, both through the fun 3d, but also spiritually. And what's so interesting about the partner piece that you're reading is. For one, like that beauty that I'm getting from this partnership, and this is I think, reflected in my astrology too, of the need for like balance and partnership. And, Even knowing this gift has helped me in my relationship a lot because I realized for one bless my partner's freaking soul He sees that in me so much that our relationship has been able to shut out all outside noise about how what partner roles should be how this should go how this should be whatever And he has recognized in me A drive to provide for myself and to have this success that he sees is like, Oh, it doesn't matter if I'm like providing for you, you want to do this because it's your sole thing. And it was beautiful because it's been this. Like constant thing in my life where that like oscillation between the shadow and the highest expression and starting to embrace it and really let myself be like, no, I want to experience this thing. I want to make money here. I want to be a public figure. I want to figure this out. I want to start a cup, like just all those things that are like the definition of being ambitious and someone else might be like, dude, fucking relax. Like you don't need to do this. And I'm like, no, trust me. I know I don't need to. I just, I want to and it's like coming through from a higher place. And. Yeah. So it's just been beautiful. And I definitely agree. It's been a very cool thing to see how we compliment and balance each other and have these really cool puzzle pieces of these things that then we really get to be in our gifts and pour them out to help each other and learn from each other and recognize our own genius. So yeah, that's been like a very vivid part of my journey and one that has helped me fall in love even more with human design because how much it gives you that yeah. ability to not just have confirmation about what you're good at, but also be okay with the shadow and like darker side of it.

NIKKI: 54:40

of it.

HANNAH: 54:43

Yes, I love everything you just said and I think human design like some people think it's supposed to tell you what you're supposed to do have this, but what it really does is it gives you the freedom to be You already know who you are, right? but it gives you that like recognition of not feeling bad for those parts of ourselves and I have this gate and It's not in such a high place that yours is but I have felt that feeling bad for the things I want to do and it's Not everyone's going to get it because they don't have that gift, but seeing yeah, seeing your ambition and you going for it is really it helps so many other people to see that too. Cause I think that in spirituality, we were supposed to not have any desires or not have any, ambition, which was just to be like cool, calm, collected, like just let life happen. But to know that we have these ambitions for a fricking reason, like you have this in your sun gate cause you're meant to do big things, and not to feel bad for that, to embrace it and be like. I'm very grateful for what I came here to do and why not own it. So yes, it, yeah. And you can tell you're in the gift of that for

BELLA: 55:43

Thank you. I appreciate the way you're reflecting this back. It's nice. It's nice. Cause also I'm used to being the one giving people readings and I'm like, it's time for me to receive some of this.

HANNAH: 55:54

yeah. And the cool thing too, is when people reflect back to you, cause I know I've gotten stuck in this, where I'm looking at my human design and I'm like, you think so much about it. You're like, how does this gift come through? And it's You don't even have to think about it. It's like who you really are when you let go when you let go of things. It's like not what you have to add and so it's been really beautiful for me to see you guys's Charts and then see you like obviously I know you guys aren't trying to do these things So it's cool to see that how much they reflected and you guys probably are not really doing much To make that happen. You're just following your authority You know following your intuition and it's taking you down the route you're supposed to go So it really can be so simple and I think human design just lets us when we have these challenges It's lets us see it and then Accept it able to accept it more and just freaking ride the

BELLA: 56:41

percent Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah

HANNAH: 56:45

All right, nikki the next one. This one is exciting. So I looked at your unconscious gate in your unconscious earth and it was gate 45, which is Gate 45 is all about abundance through sharing And it has the power, the authority to bring people together, sharing knowledge in a way that empowers other to lead as well. Let me just read the gene key because I also think this is very powerful. Gene Key says about this placement is the highest purpose of your life is to facilitate a communion, to bring together a diverse set of human beings with a shared higher goal. You are more than a networker. You are an organizing force in a cosmic sense. Like that just screams the Omi's Oasis.

BELLA: 57:31

you're like shit. I guess I am crushing that Yeah, wow.

HANNAH: 57:34

yeah, I read that and I'm, again, I'm like, what is going

NIKKI: 57:40

Yeah, that is so cool.

HANNAH: 57:42

it's like it, yeah, it was like, those of you guys don't know their community. It is like one of a kind and yeah, it just it's so crazy to see that you're literally doing it in your own way. And yeah, I would just love you to take the floor. Cause that was,

BELLA: 57:58

Yeah, I

NIKKI: 57:58

Yeah. I feel like there's a big theme of like me stepping into the role of being a leader in my life and like owning the fact that I can share personal experiences. And I think with the three five, this ties into this as well. My profile numbers. But. The shadow aspect of that, that I had to like almost go through again, the initiations of stepping into, and it's still again, an ever evolving process is like owning that. I want to share things that I navigated in my life and to share it from a place of ownership and leadership and to attract people into my world based off of what it is I'm sharing. So even you reflecting back to me that like that message that I shared around emotions hit really hard for you. I do feel like there's this part of me that came here to share the crazy revelations I have because I get so freaking passionate about them in a way that can be a little crazy sometimes, like a little obsessive. But with this gift, what is like the title of it? I'm trying to think if there's a,

HANNAH: 59:04

it's what is the title

BELLA: 59:05

I think this one,

NIKKI: 59:06

I

BELLA: 59:08

I have so many

HANNAH: 59:08

I can't remember the

NIKKI: 59:09

many different so So,

BELLA: 59:12

I want to say in Jenna Zoe's world, she calls it, is this the one that's

NIKKI: 59:16

that's

BELLA: 59:16

getting everyone on the same page or there's like a one that's like a marketing twist to it of

video1050240163: 59:21

So, yeah, let me, let me, Yeah, so this is in the Throat Center. I'm actually curious, because I do think there's this like, big life path that I'm on with my Aries rising, and it's just to like, embrace the fiery leader side of me. I had to kind of overcome the fear of that. Do you have the name of it? Yeah, so it's the, yeah, it's the gate of the gatherer. Gathering together. So basically, yeah, so basically you gather others Like, even with the way that you speak, cause it's in your throat center. So what I take from it is that the way, like the, your communication, brings people together and the way that you share your knowledge, and another part of this is also, you empower others to lead as well. So, you're being a leader yourself, but you're also empowering everyone else to be leaders in, different aspects of their life, which you guys do so well as, that's another thing that stood out to me is, even with your new tier in your own ways, Oasis, you are helping others be leaders. the way you guys are. Yeah. And so that's how I really, that's how I really took it. Yeah. Cause I think everyone can be a leader in their own way. It's not just like the person on the stage or the person with the mic. It's like you have expertise and even from your human design chart, like everyone has these really beautiful gifts that they're meant to share. And a part of my mission is to get people to see the power that they hold. And that's why I love the conversation around human design and individuality, because it really paints the picture of like, No, just because someone's inspiring you and maybe they're a leader for you in this part of their life It doesn't mean that you're just always a follower Like maybe there are roles that you play where you're learning and you're following and you're keeping up with someone's teachings Which I have in my own life my own people that I follow as teachers and I'm following them through their Observations and revelations, but then I do believe that there is this like inner power within each of us You To lead and to share our gifts with the world. And it's a part of my mission is to activate that in other people. But I think my way of teaching it is by going through it personally. And I think that there's something very divine in me going through all of these shadows and fears around like the fear of speaking and like the fear of like sharing my story and sharing my voice and all of these fears that would keep me in the shadow aspect of that gift, which is to not lead and to think that I don't have anything worthy to share and that my message doesn't matter, which is something that my ego will pop into the story here and there. But as long as I hold space for that, that's when I access the flip side of that, which is like the gift of like, okay, no share your voice because also you're someone who went through the fear of sharing it. So you understand with compassion, with all the other gifts of like holding a passion for other people, what it's like to feel that debilitating fear of like, I can't share my voice or this person's going to judge me or. I'm not meant to be a leader in this way, like when I reflect back on my time in college and thinking about what I was going to do with my life, yes, there was this inner knowing that I was going to carve my own path and do something that was meaningful for me. But maybe even at that point, not yet, maybe it was more so when I was in my corporate job. But at that point, like I was not a leader, like I was not a leader. I was quite the opposite. Like I transferred into this college and was brought into this friend group of beautiful people that I just literally, I would. Follow whatever they were doing. I was like the follower in the group of like, Oh, we're going this way. We're going that way. But now I'm learning throughout life that like. I have to put my foot down and like lead in my own way. And if people resonate with my message, that's because it's striking a chord in them. That's meant to be activated in that moment. And it's not an egoic thing of like, I am a leader. It's like, no, I'm just literally sharing my voice. It's activating something within you so that you can then go activate other people. And. I take this role very seriously now. It's like something where I'm like, okay, this is a part of my mission. Yeah. So get out of your own way. The Aries rising is always there to remind me of like, you have fire in you. Like, do not dull that fire. Like, let it out. Be big, be bold. And yeah, sometimes be loud. Yeah. And yeah, you're not the, just the way that you speak brings people together. Again, it's not something you're always consciously doing. You can, mold them, you know? But at the end of the day, that's always going to be there. And yeah. Yeah. You do a great job. Thank you. I, again, I said, I appreciate you reflecting this back to us. It's cool. All right. Bye. So, Bella, the, again, same placement, um, it was in your unconscious earth, which is in Gate 51, and this is the Gate of Shock, and it's all about, yeah, the energy of, uh, disrupting patterns, bringing awakening through shaking things up. It's really a gift of shocking yourself and others into, like, realization, awakening, and motivating them to also take action. So, in the gene keys, I do want to read, again, it was just like spot on. Um, so this is also a placement where it like fulfills you. It's not so much. What you do it's how you be and it says in living your life or yeah in living your life on a creative cutting edge You are an awakening force in the world because you cannot fit in anywhere You must cut a groove for yourself in life and let others stand back in awe and when I read that I was like It's from the very first time, the first episode I saw you guys, Bella was speaking and your creative genius, just it wasn't even what you were saying. It just your energy, you could tell you were creative and the way that you teach spirituality is so different. The way you like mold everything that you do, uh, even like your, the way you dance, like I remember when I first saw you guys as pockets, I was I looked at both of your Instagrams, just like stalking both of you. And I was watching your, your dancing videos and something the way you even just move is just so different. And yeah, the way, again, the way you teach spirituality and the way you come off is just so different than I, I think I've seen it in the past. So again, to a T, Gene Keys just knows what it's doing. It's like so funny cause it's like, you can't, you feel like you can't even like take credit for it because you're like, this is a gift that was given. Just, I guess put it out there. But I receive all your thing and yeah, I think what's interesting with this being especially, you know, in the, Um, with the label of the gate of shock really in like this shaker upper is again, there's a big shadow to it where there can be times when, you know, learning to discern when I'm in that energy out of, you know, trying to get attention or just like any number of shadow expressions of being like a, a shocking energy versus when it's purely just the way that is meant to be expressed through me. And it has been another huge promotion slip to. own and really not make myself feel bad about the way that I speak sometimes and the way that I can be really direct and I know that I can have that like Whoa, effect on people. And it's like, again, I'm not even making it like about me. I'm just like, this is how source wants to come through. And honestly, understanding nature and like having good nature analogies always really helps me because you just see how different things in nature. are, you know, used in different ways for a specific effect. And it's like, whatever it is, it's like thunder is freaking loud and intense. And there's like a very divine purpose for it when it's coming from nature. And it's like in a human being, how many times has someone else who, spoke to us in actually like a tough love way, woke us up and literally shook us into reality. And I think it's been, again, just that permission to let myself express in that way. And I think it's what has, I'm very grateful that it's put me on that creative, you know, arena of expressing myself in this way of I just trust the medium and trust how it moves through me. And just the gratitude of how sources using me as this medium, whether I'm dancing or speaking or teaching and letting, uh, you know, that sole version of the shock come out. And the more I lean into it, the more that I see, it's like actually how people resonate with me. And it does honestly, the heavy lifting for me of figuring out like, who's for me, who's not for me, who's this message for whatever. And I have actually even had it help me not overthink who a message is meant for. And I just trust that because it's like, Coming this way that it will be brought to the right person and because it's being delivered in this specific way It will even further find the correct person so it's just very healing to know these things about yourself because if You're working in a paradigm where you know people told you don't be like this don't you know rub people the wrong way You'd be like, okay Like, something is very wrong with me. I need to not do this. I need to quiet down. I need to like any number of things. And again, it's like, that's not your way. Like you find your medium, you find your way of being the medium for source to move through you. And. That's also at the day, my reverence for this human design system and makes me really grateful for like, not making it about me, but also enjoying the ways that it makes me, you know, like you reflecting back to me of that uniqueness and then me being like, I'm letting that come through because I'm like, surrender, just. What's gonna come out, do with it what you will, you know? Yeah, no, I love that. And I think it, it helps you, the more, the more you get to know your chart, the more you love yourself because it's like these gifts that you have, it's, it does feel so divine and that you're held and you're taken care of and you were given these for a reason. And. I think it gives you more trust to and not only yourself, but the universe too. And yeah, just to frickin let go of control a little bit more because I know we're all trying to like, make things happen. we really don't have to like life can be so much easier. And it definitely takes time. Like it's not it's not an easy thing to do, by any means. But once you get it, and once you see it, you're like, Okay, I could get used to this. Yes. Yeah, 100%. All right, guys. Well, That was pretty much all I had on my side. And again, this was amazing. So I do want to like close things up. So if there's anything on your guys's heart, anything you want to share, you know, I'm all ears. Wait, I wanted to ask you what's your projector and what's your, your profile and your authority? Uh, 3 5 Splenic. Yeah, 3 5 Splenic projector. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. You too. Yeah. I have some notes. Yeah. And I think, I think knowing that I was a three, five, just that and alone and project and the projector part, like changed my life to you know, how many times I wouldn't try things because I also have the gate of correction. So perfectionism is perfect. Big in my chart. So like, I literally didn't want to try anything because I wanted everything to be fricking perfect. And then to find out that, the way I learn is literally to make mistakes and not even mistakes, just like I learned by doing and growing up, I was diagnosed with ADD because I was the one that getting up, trying, like talking to people, like doing things. And I got diagnosed young, um, for ADD. And. Now, looking back, like it wasn't that at all. It's just the way that I learn. And I think that brings a lot of healing in itself because, you know, you think what's wrong with me? Like, why is everyone else like sitting down, like writing notes and just they get it all of a sudden and I'm like, Yeah. No, it's not like dropped in. You know what I mean? So I think, but also I think the three line is very special because you do learn on such a personal level. And so it's made me make friends with that part of me. Um, and I, I don't think I would have if I didn't know my human design. Yes, I agree with that too. The three was such a liberating learning for me because even when I reflect back on high school, like all the sports that I would try and like, Would just be like, my mom would be like, so you're going to go back to doing track next year? And I'm like, nah, fuck that. Like basketball, softball, tennis. So like, I'm like, no, I did it once. I liked it. For that time, and now I'm done. Yeah, and it's like the shame of releasing that, like, need to, like, things out and, like, always be on the same lane. with you just saying that, um, there's a thing with the three line called, um, bonds made broken. Bella, do you know what I'm talking about? That's like very, what is it? Um, so with three lines, we get obsessed with things because like, you know what I mean? We get obsessed with things and then like, that's like making the bond and then, but we can like cut that with like people, places, things we can like cut the cord so easily and sometimes they come across like almost a little bit. Hold because we can like just we know it's not for us and like we really know when it's not so we'll move on and I remember talking to my therapist. I'm like, I would try different things. I get so obsessed with them. And then even boyfriends in the past, be all about them. And then all of a sudden, like subconsciously or I don't know, my intuition just like, yeah, yeah. Like I would know that I learned the lesson and I just like emotions would shut off. I'd be like, okay, next. And I'd be Am I just a little crazy, but it's the bonds made broken and it's not just with people. It's like, yeah. So that when I heard that, I was like, wow, that rings true. That resonates so much with me because I feel like I'm like this with living locations too. I'll be like, like I lived in LA and I was like obsessed with, I'm like, this is the best place ever. I'm living on the beach. And then one day I'm just like, okay, onto the next. I feel like I've learned everything here. Let's, let's go to the next. Not that there's anything wrong with this. I'm just like, we're good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that was. I think that those two were the biggest things that I've learned. Um, and like the whole projector thing I used to make myself not take naps, like I used to be so obsessed with caffeine because I would get tired. unhealthy amount obsession with caffeine. And looking back on it, my poor body, I would, I would, I acted exactly like a generator. Like I would work 12 hour days, like get five hours sleep, wake up, do it again, like seven days a week. And I think when I first found out the projector,, I was like, how am I going to get everything done? I can't even get everything done now, you know, but it's then it's like, I'm just using my energy wrong and it's just, it's so powerful.

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you don't have a tired issue or an imbalanced gut. You're just a projector. Yeah. Yeah. Seriously. Yeah, it's the best. I've like seriously found so much. I mean, it's, you just get obsessed with human design because you're like, wow, this is like, it never ends. The one's coming out the one infinitely reading about it. And no, but it's so cool. Cause it's like, I mean, it's just the best tool ever for that self love piece and also understanding others. Like I think arguably it's like been, that's one of the biggest transformations for me is that ability to understand people around me. And Like, study them in the sense of like, really getting them and it has grown my love for people so much, so much. And it's like, it's, I'm so grateful for it. Yeah. Like reading about all the gifts and how cool humans are it, it really does give you like a spark about life and every gift. I'm like, wow, that's so cool. Like I could see how that's needed and it's not even like, oh, I wish I had that. It's I'm glad that they have that. You know what I mean? I'm glad we have people that have that gift. Um, yeah, I think, I think human design has been one of the biggest things that has, especially during this spiritual awakening. Uh, and just honestly just changing my life. Um, the other is like subconscious healing work and even the hypnotherapy I'm working with Danielle. And I think those, like the trifecta of all that I think is yeah, and Secret Sauce. It really is a killer combo. I don't think people realize. Putting these together, you're like, good to go. Yeah, yeah. And I think it's so funny that, Bella, you're super into human design, and Nikki, you have that subconscious healing. I don't think I've told you guys this, but I'm actually I'm actually, training with Sarah Zula for, um, the subconscious, like the coaching, the coaching. And then, so I really wanted to I don't know how I'm going to marry them yet, but they just like something about both of them. Like I feel a really big pull towards both. Um, so I just think it's so funny that that you two are that I'm so drawn to you too. Cause you like, it's both of your strengths too. So yeah. And also I, I think I found you too, for obviously a reason, but I found Danielle through Bella and then Sarah Zula, like I just connected so much with her things, especially like after the mastermind you guys did, I was like, hold up. Yeah, I need to, I need to go further down this rabbit hole. Yeah, yeah, she's so skilled at like training people on how to actually help others as well.

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yeah, yeah, I'm excited for you to tie those two together because It just gives you, it's like with the subconscious work, it's so cool because you're, you're going into like, it's very rooted in this essence of who you really are, like becoming who you really are. And then you have like line piece that gives you that, you know, trusted like blueprint of it. But then the cool thing about human design is it's meant to show you your conditioning and where, like when you tell someone, you're like, Oh, you're a projector. This thing will work better for you. And then automatically a story comes up about what it means to blank. And it's like so helpful because then you can actually come more into alignment of who you really are by bringing them together because inevitably they, they lead back to each other. Yes. Yes. I actually, one thing I did, you guys cool with time for like five more minutes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so another thing I put on here was like subconscious healing verse. deconditioning. And I feel like you can't have one without the other. And I was almost like, I was super interested because I feel like no one really talks about them together. I even looked this up. I'm like, what's the difference between the two? But I really don't think you can have one without the other. Because in a sense, the deconditioning process is, you know, getting to those subconscious beliefs. I don't know if you agree with that. And I think human design, like even helped me see some of my blind spots in like the things I was even feeling it was like.

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sheds such a light on things that I don't know if I'd be able to see. So I think that was really powerful. Yeah, actually something I've thought about with what human design enlightened with this connection of conditioning and deconditioning is the idea that also conditioning in and of itself is. can be neutral, can be good or bad. Yeah. Yeah. With design, wherever you are defined is where you are putting conditioning out into the world. And then wherever you're open is where you are receiving the conditioning and that it's like all about understanding that, I guess, like play of what is in this like matrix and the way that we are. Programmed and all that is like then you become grateful for the programs because the fact that we can then install new ones and have that run the show for 95 percent of the time is great because we're not freaking having to make the decisions all the time. We're just like putting in a new one and. That's as well where like with the human design part, you become grateful for both the shadow and light that people are expressing of their gifts and the conditioning they're putting out there because it's all things for us to play with and then to filter through our own system. And then like, yeah, well we've experienced with like when you go deep into those subconscious roots and you find gratitude for whatever that, you know, experience was or whatever the story is that you picked up. And then again, it's not about being like. Get the conditions away from me. It's like, you're the conscious participant in the whole, you know, drama, right? Yeah. Just like looking at conditioning is yeah, you're right. As it can be a good thing. And yeah. Wow. No, I love the way you, I love the way you said that, because I think we do with anything we want it to be. Good, or we want it to be bad. We want it to be one or the other, but like really everything can be either. And once we accept that, I think we can get, there's so much more magic when we can choose rather like we making one thing mean one thing and only one thing. Cause I mean that just limits us at the end of the day. Totally. Anything else guys we wanna, we wanna add to the chat? I have so many things I'd like, but I, I know if I open up the can of worms. No, we're going to be here for the day. Yeah. Yeah. We'll have to do a part two. Yeah. I'm so down for that. I'm so down. All right, guys. Well, again, this has been amazing. I cannot tell you how nervous I was, but if I haven't, haven't gone through all the like healing work I've done, I don't think I would have been able to do this, even just like you guys have helped me get to this place. So it's so surreal. So, Then be able to have a podcast with you with people who have helped me get to where I am. So this was so special to me and I, yeah, I was so nervous in the beginning, but once we got talking, I was completely fine. So, uh, Thank you two so much for coming on the podcast again. You guys they're busy busy. So like for you two to make time out of your day Thank you so much, of course Yes, like top of our list. We're like, yeah, I gotta go on a hike and then get home for the podcast. Yeah No, thank you so much for having us and giving us space to talk and Share even more of our world and us getting to experience your magic and like I'm so grateful This was incredible. And I'm I'm so glad that you reached out and that we're in this world together and that we're homies Yeah, yeah, I I just really want to paint the picture that this is like Such a gift for us to be able to do this. Like, this is our first time being, I don't know, this is an interview. We're like, this is the first time where we're sitting like this and like getting to, you know, like the formalized, like, yes, your things, you know? Yes. And you are so in, I don't even know what your gifts are in human design, but you are so in your gifts too. And it's so cool to be able to like have our entity of OM. like receive your gifts of being this podcast host and going after your dreams and doing the thing and it activates me like no other to hear that you were feeling the nerves and like pushed through and were able to expand because this is exactly what I was talking about before if like you just did that and now you have expanded your nervous system throughout this entire hour and a half and you can now do that. Literally show the universe like, Hey, look, look at how much energy I can hold without fighting or fighting and I fucking did that. And now you can like attract those higher things into your life and it's just beautiful. Like you freaking did that and you should be so proud of yourself and I'm so proud of all of us for being here right now. Because without any of this work, I think we'd all be probably sitting in cubicles. Like, yeah, that nine to five slowly withering away. Yes. But thank you. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. This was epic. Yeah. You guys are so awesome. Well, I will put all your information down below and yeah, again, you guys, I mean, Unreal. Thank you guys so much again. And I think that's about all friends. Uh, like, subscribe, go follow these two. You're going to be hooked and get into their new Omaze Oasis 2. 0. Yeah, I'm super excited to get into the third tier, by the way. I still got to do that. All right, guys. Peace out. Thank you. Thank you.