EP27: The long-term mindset

Do you feel stuck in the in-between of your life, your job, fuck everything? Are you resenting your "day job" while you are going after your dream job, dream career, dream life? Today i talk about my own personal struggle with resentment while I build my business. I explore the subconscious story that you may not even realize is there, I also chat about the "all-or-nothing mentality and where it could come from. Don't worry I talk about how we can change our mindset to the long-term game and how to thrive during this time in the in-between. 

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Transcript

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When you change your mindset and seeing that job as something that's part of your dream, not separate, it changes the game because you don't resent it anymore. You see it as part of your path. You see it as part of your process. What I was doing in my head subconsciously was believing that if I had this job my dream wasn't coming true. Instead, merging the two. Seeing that this job is part of my dream. It's part of the path. It's not separate from it. And that's what I was doing. I was making it separate and That's where the suffering was coming in. When I was making it separate, when I was making it wrong. When I was resisting what is, whenever you resist what is, it's always gonna cause suffering, Hello, beautiful people. Welcome back to the Fluidity podcast. It is your girl, Hannah May on the mic. Woo podcast episode 27, y'all. We are just trucking through. Alright guys, so not a hundred percent back from the sickness. I still got a little bit of the sniffles, but I feel so much better. blessed to be back and today we are talking about the long term mindset. This is a topic that I feel like I have been evolving, peeling back the layers with. And I have been in this concept before, but this time, like this layer of, it feels good. It feels like I am really making a groove in my mindset with this. Even though I'm in a spot where I, don't feel the best about it. I know that sounds weird, but I feel like with the feeling that I have of the deepness of the drenches that I'm in, it is where the healing's coming from. So I wanna explain kind of where this came from. And the epiphany I had while watching a TV show. So as you guys know, I was sick and I was binge watching the shit outta some TV and I was watching, the Bold Type. It's on Hulu. It is, it's good. It's very, it's very chick flick. But anyway, it's very intriguing. Um, anyway, random, random fact. I used to wanna work at a fashion magazine when I was younger and I used to like pretend that I worked at a fashion, like a fashion magazine. And I used to make sketches and like fashion was like a really big. Dream of mine. I actually went to college for it. didn't graduate, but that's a different story. anyway, the bold type, it's about these three best friends and they work at a fashion magazine. And I'm watching this TV show I start to realize myself subconsciously. Well, I guess it wouldn't be subconscious anymore'cause I brought it to the conscious Mind. But the reason why I noticed is because I was getting really annoyed. One, because I was sick. And whenever I'm sick I get really done on myself about productivity. As you guys, if you've listened to my last podcast, you guys know I have a little bit of addiction to productivity. So when I'm sick, I like. It really stresses me out'cause I feel like I need to be doing something, but my body physically will not let me anyway. So I'm comparing myself to these girls on the show because I'm seeing them make huge strides in their career. within an episode, right? And I'm comparing this to my business and the strides I'm making, which feel like I haven't moved an inch, even though that's not true. But, I'll get to why that feels that way in a second. so I'm sitting there watching this TV show and it all of a sudden clicked. I Realize what I was doing, which was comparing myself to these. Again, this show is not a reality show, it's just a like a fiction show, and I am comparing myself to these girls in the show to my business where I'm in the in between and it's in the phase of becoming it's like a practice. It's a process. It's not just you start building a business and it takes off the ground like that and you can start making money on your own. And I think we do this a lot with tv, social media. Books, anything where there's a story, and obviously they're just taking the highlight reels because they're, the story would go on way too long, right? So you have to cut it down to the important parts of the story. But that leaves out the gray area. It leaves out the in-between. It leaves out the spaces that most of us live in. And if we're not careful, we can compare ourselves and we look at tv, social media, and I know. We know this, but I feel like on a subconscious level, we don't catch ourself enough, or at least I didn't until now. And this is, this is like the second big time I've caught myself doing this and I've been in this rut for a couple weeks now. but basically it's like getting, like, feeling like I'm a failure because I'm not at the finish line. I think I should be. Not making progress and I'm a failure. And we don't see the in-between moments, right? we don't see the person on the TV or the person with the successful podcast. We don't see the years it took them to get there, or even the years before the podcast, even before they started the podcast or whatever they're doing. And they're good at it now. They still had. A different career or somewhere in their life where they weren't where they are now. So we see people where they're at the top of their game or whatever, and we think that they got there overnight and it's, this isn't a conscious thing we do. It's like under the surface. And sometimes you can catch it when you're starting to get angry about your own journey, when you're looking at your journey and. Feeling like a failure because you're not there. And so why don't we show the in-between? Is it because we're scared? We're scared we're gonna get stuck here? Is it because honestly, we don't believe in ourselves that we actually have a chance? It's the scariest place to be, but the only place that your dreams can come from, I'm gonna say that again, the in between the gray areas. The becoming is the only place that your dreams can emerge from, right? I mean, they have to emerge from somewhere and it's, it is the long term game. That's what the podcast is about, and I. Didn't even realize how much I was resenting my day job. And this is also where subconscious healing comes in and why I love it so dearly. So when all this was happening, I was watching the show and it clicked for me and it's like, Hannah, you have been literally subconsciously comparing yourself to these shows, these all these things because we're daily. watching TV or I don't know if you are, but like daily watching something or like a story or watching the highlight reels of something. Of everything, of everyone's life. And so we don't see the in-between moments and we obviously see our own in-between moments because we can't get away from ourself unfortunately at times. I'm just kidding. Kind of. But do you get, you know what I mean? Like we're constantly berated by highlights of people's success and. The highlights of their life where we don't see their gray moments, their in-between moments, but we see ours. So there's like a gap in between where we see our life and what we see on social media, on tv, reading a book so subconsciously can almost take us away from. Really seeing that we're already doing it and we're already in, we're already in the best time of our life. We're already doing the shit. And so I'm having this epiphany while I'm sick and I'm realizing that I have been resenting my day job. Now I know I say my day job, but it's actually my night job. but yeah, if you don't know, I am obviously doing this podcast. I am creating my own business coaching and I'm writing a book currently too. None of that is bringing in money yet, so I do need. A day job in quotation mark. I'll just say my night job to support me. And the reason why I was resenting my job and the surface level story in the beginning was because it drains me. It takes me away from doing, my book, my podcast, my coaching I just don't wanna do it anymore. It doesn't light me up. Like I just, every time I went to work and every time I was about to go to work, I resented it. I didn't wanna be there. I wanted to be making money on my own. And that was like the surface level story. Once I got deeper into this,'cause I was talking to my therapist and I really thought this was a problem I need to fix. Like, I was like, I need to get out. How do I make money not doing this job? I need to push my business forward because I can't do this job anymore. And what I uncovered. Is that I have been believing a story that I've been telling myself, which is I was a loser if I was working at the job I was at, because that was evidence that I was never gonna get out, that was never gonna be able to make my own money. I was making, being in a job that I wasn't passionate about or being in a job that wasn't my dream. mean that I was never getting there. I was making that mean I wasn't successful and that I was a failure because I was still there. That's what I was making that mean.'cause I wasn't, I couldn't see the gray area. I, it was, it was either I am a successful business owner making my own money or I am. At this job and I'm a failure and it's never gonna happen for me. My dreams aren't happening. I'm gonna hate my job forever. So it was, it was like that black and white thinking, right? And I realized that that's what was draining me. The story that I was failing, it was the fear that wasn't actually real, because once I like talked it out and once I actually saw the lion in it. I needed this job right now because it's making me money to be able to build my business. But when you get stuck in a subconscious and you have that story under underneath it all, and you're not seeing that every time I go to work, I'm making that mean that I'm a failure. I. Of course, I'm going to have these feelings and I'm not gonna wanna go and I'm gonna be pissed off and I'm gonna be angry and I'm gonna be sad because I'm believing this underlying story that I'm a failure because I still work here. And this blew my mind because again, under the surface, I am relating to the highlight reels of everybody else that they don't have gray errors. They don't have in-between moments. they're. They think they wanna do something, they do it, and they're fucking a rockstar. You know, and this brings me into the all or nothing mentality, which I have lived most of my life in. I didn't know that this was A-A-D-H-D trait. It is very common to people with A DHD, and I'll explain why, but I just wanna make a point here. I always knew that I was an all or nothing kind of gal. I always knew that. I just thought it was like me, like a. Personal trait, which you don't have to have a DH ADHD to be an all or nothing person. It's just very, very common in people with A DHD. It's like every A DH ADHD person I talk to or I've ever heard relates to this. So before I found out about A DHD and I started doing, you know, my digging and stuff I like with drinking. I always knew all or nothing. I was either hammered drunk or I wasn't drunk at all. with fitness, I was either. I mean, my fitness days for you guys, I was all or nothing with fitness. Like so much so that I had an eating disorder and I lost my period because of it. again, with food, I was either eating the healthiest of the health or I was eating shit. With hobbies, I was either all in, buying everything you needed or I wasn't doing it. a song, I'm either listening to it a hundred times a day or not at all. a TV show, I'm either like hooked to where I literally can't get out of bed from watching it or I'm not watching it all. It's like this, all or nothing. I'm either all in it or not at all. So I, I knew that about myself my whole life, but I didn't know. That I was also doing this in my thinking until I started understanding A DHD, and until I'm starting to catch myself, do it like this example right here and, and not even with my job. I'll, I'll give that example in a minute. But even with like being at a party, if I'm not the prettiest, smartest, funniest, most wanted in the room, if I don't feel that way. Then I'm the biggest loser and everybody hates me. If I am not the best, and I mean the best, like the back to my coaching, like my fitness coaching days, at Orangetheory, I, if I wasn't the best coach that ever breathed, lived, ever, I was horse shit. And that did drive me to be, you know, very, very good at coaching. But it was from a place of. Fear, really. So now to this job, it's no wonder that I, when I'm, if I, if I don't catch, if I don't catch it.'cause this isn't like a death sentence. If you have a DHD and you, you can only think all or nothing. It's, it's all about learning how to reci your brain into seeing the gray areas. So with this job, I was either. Pulling in clients left and right, or if I wasn't pulling clients in left and right, making so much money that I didn't have to work another job where I was doing my podcast, traveling, doing all the things, then I wasn't successful and I was failing. So if I wasn't like already there and already making money on my own and doing all this shit, then it was never gonna happen. And I was a failure. So it was like that black and white win or lose. I couldn't see the middle. I could not see it. And I just wanna give you guys just a little bit of science'cause you guys know I like this. on why all or nothing, like why is this an A DHD thing? And also, if you don't have a DHD, you can also still think this way. And this might give you an insight of maybe how your brain works. A DHD, the brain has a hard time with the in-between. So there's a part of the brain that helps us pause, reflect, and think flexibly. This is the prefrontal cortex, and this works less efficiently in A DHD, so it's harder to sit in the gray areas of life. Now this isn't because someone's being dramatic, it's because their brain is trying to make a fast decision to avoid overwhelm. So win or lose, good or bad. it doesn't like the gray'cause it can't figure it out. It's too much thinking. it just wants a clear cut answer. And another thing is because dopamine. Is the motivation chemical and it is out of balance with A DHD. So A DHD brains have a harder time producing and using dopamine. Because of this, we feel really excited or really bored, not much in between. So we're either, fuck yeah, let's go, or this is the most PO thing I've ever done. And another thing is. People with A DHD, We are more prone to immediate rewards and punishment. We tend to hyperfocus on whether something feels like a win or a loss instead of spectrum. Because of the dopamine imbalance, it contributes to this like extreme thinking in the brain because it seeks stimulation or it avoids. Failure, and I mean, I believe that's with most humans, but with a DHD, it's like turned up all the way. So that's what I find with a DH adhd. A little side note is anyone can have these, you know, these traits, but A DHD, it's like, it's heightened to 110. Just very sensitive little buggers. We are. Anyway, I just wanted to give that little snippet about all or nothing because it plays a big role in, the way I see the world and the way I am learning to see the gray, and I think that's a big soul lesson for me. So the next thing and this. It's gonna change your life. Hopefully. My intention, if you're, if you're sitting with me in the in between and you're like, you're trying to build a business, you're going after your dream or whatever you're doing, and you feel like you're stuck in the fucking in-between, listen in. Take some notes. So the next thing I wanna talk about is the dream team job for now concept. Now, I was talking with my, coach. Her name's Sandy. She's lovely. And I sent her a voice note this was kind of before I had my epiphany and I was getting really down on myself about my job. And I'm like, if you know, I just feel like I'm never gonna be able to do it. Like I just feel so far from making my own money as a coach. Like I feel like I'm gonna be stuck at this job that I hate forever. And this was before I got the inside of, what I was making the job mean about me. Blah, blah, blah. So she brought up the dream team job for now concept, Which is. Yes, I'm at a job right now. That is not my passion and it's not gonna be my forever, but just because it's not my forever and what I'm, what I'm working towards, it is part of my dream. It is. You know why? Because it's helping me get to where I'm going. It's helping me make money while I build my business, while I do this podcast, while I do all the things I love that aren't paying me at the moment. I'm able to do them because I have this job supporting me. And now that doesn't mean that I'm gonna have it forever, but it is part of my dream because it's helping me get there. When you change your mindset and seeing that job as something that's part of your dream, not separate, it changes the game because you don't resent it anymore. You see it as part of your path. You see it as part of your process. What I was doing in my head subconsciously was believing that if I had this job my dream wasn't coming true. Instead, merging the two. Seeing that this job is part of my dream. It's part of the path. It's not separate from it. And that's what I was doing. I was making it separate and That's where the suffering was coming in. When I was making it separate, when I was making it wrong. When I was resisting what is, whenever you resist what is, it's always gonna cause suffering,? So the job I have now, my night job, it is. Part of my dream team. It is part of the team that's getting me to my dreams. It is. And it's not, I don't even like to say that'cause it's part of it, it's part of my journey. And, I feel like I'm not explaining it the best or the way I would like, but I think I'm sending off the vibe. I hope you get it. So this leads me into the next thing, which is. What this podcast is about. what is the long term mindset? What is the long term game? That's what we are doing, and the long-term mindset is committing to the process, to the journey. If you're committed to the long term of whatever you're doing, like, I'm just gonna use me an example. I'm committed to the long term game of my business, of my podcast, of my book, and that means that this is all practice what I'm doing now, whatever I do, whatever challenge, whatever win, whatever. the long-term mindset, the main key of it is detaching from the outcome. That is the long-term mindset because you're, if you're attached to the outcome, then you're doing things because you want to get follows like you're doing something and you're only doing it for the outcome. The long-term game is doing it for the practice because you're committed to the mission, you're committed to the journey. You're committed to yourself. You're committed to this, to where the outcome does not deter you from moving forward. So I know it can be really annoying when the outcomes aren't going your way and someone tells you don't be attached to the outcome. But again, it's a subconscious programming to look at metrics and To value yourself based on them. So it takes practice to get yourself out of that. It's just a society we're in. So it takes awareness and it takes practice. And when you look at the long-term game. You can't be attached to the outcomes because then you're never gonna move forward. you're gonna suffer because you're practicing right now. I'm gonna go back to my personal story. So you guys know, as I told you in this podcast, I'm building myself as the self liberation spiritual mentor, my coaching business. And I have had a practice client and it has been going amazing. It really gave me. Confidence in that I know how to coach. I know how to coach. I mean, I already knew, I knew how to coach fitness, but like coaching mindset and subconscious and emotions is like a whole nother level. But with this practice client, like I feel confident. Like I'm like, okay, she was my first one and she's amazing. So I'm like, okay, I want more practice clients before I start charging for this. and so. I made a reel and I put it on social media. I was feeling really good. I'm like, well, I'm gonna get so many people wanting free sessions with me, Crickets, you guys, not one person reached out to me and it's been three days and yesterday I was pretty down on myself because I'm like, how the fuck do I think I'm gonna make money doing this when I can't even get people to wanna be coached by me for free? What the actual fuck. And so what was I doing? I was attached to the outcome. And this is a perfect example of detaching from the outcome because what did this teach me right here? What is everything on my path from now forward, or even even way before now, but like everything that I have been going through is the long-term game. It is all about the practice because if I'm attached to the outcome, then I get stuck there because it's, it's honestly not about the outcome, what it's about. Is the practice for when I do have clients going through the exact same thing that I'm going through now, how do I expect to coach others without going through it, without coaching myself? I am my first client always. And so my friend that is a long-term game is, what is this teaching me? Well, one, it's teaching me that I'm not sold on myself as a coach, so what I have to do a little bit more work on believing myself as the coach that I am. And that's the work. This right here, I bet you when I start coaching, people Months from now, a year from now, 10 years from now, this is gonna come up and they're gonna come with me. There's the same problem. Guess what? I'm gonna know how to coach them through it because I coached myself through it. That's how you look at everything in your life on this journey, and this is just my story, but you can plug in your story right into this. So whatever anything I'm going through it is so that I can become a better coach so that I can become a better guide. A better healer because I'm doing it to myself first. And that is a long-term game because once I detach, then I can look at what I'm doing, what I'm building. No one gets it right on the first try. you can't be good at something without being the worst. It literally can't. So it's just reminding yourself and it's listening to podcasts like mine, Hey, or listening to podcasts that expand your mind and bring you out of that subconscious story that you're listening to and make you be like, Hey y'all, it ain't true gray area. Let's go. So instead, attaching to the outcome, you're attaching to your mission. To the practice. This is the practice for when you are doing the full-time job. This is the curriculum. This is the, the like. People always say life is the best school, the best What? What is the fucking saying? Life is the best teacher. I dunno. You guys know what I'm saying? So like get outta your own way. Stop making this mean that you're failing. Hannah, myself, I'm talking to you. This is you guys. Long-term game is revealing your greatness. These are the moments that build us. How committed are you to this? No matter what? With the long-term mindset, reframing it to everything I do is building on the next, and this is the perfect curriculum for me to learn my craft. Learn your craft and you can learn your craft even before you even know what it is. Yet that is the long term game. I wrote a little poem, I wrote this a while ago, but it, no, I actually wrote this a couple weeks ago. I wrote this a couple weeks ago when I was first getting like very first frustrated with where I was at, and this was before, I think this was before Italy and. I just thought it fits so nicely and I wanted to end on this poem. Patience. When the water dries up and the clarity goes quiet, you have two choices. Give up and believe the silent self-loathing chatter or embrace stillness. Hold the vision and never give up. Patience is the biggest test of all. Can you believe in yourself before the world does? Boom, y'all, Ugh, I loved this one and I, you know, if no one listens to this, this is a long term game right here too. Yes. I love making podcasts. But it's not because the outcome. Yeah, sometimes I can, sometimes I can dip in like, Ugh, I don't have that many downloads this week. What the fuck? Like, no one's even listening, who cares? But honestly, no matter if no one listens or one person listens, I love doing this. And I love speaking. I love a good mic. That's the long term game. And you know what? This is teaching me how to express my voice and express my thoughts For when I am on those big fucking stages, you know? Anyway, guys, I love you. If you related to this, if you listened, like those of you that are listening, I can't really see you, I can't hear like I don't know who's listening. I wanna hear from you. Let me know what you thought and stay. Awesome. I love you. Peace up.