EP33: It gets to be this good—The Contraction before the Expansion

SOLO episode!! Today, I chat about the contraction before expansion, what it means, and what it looks like in real life. I share a life update and the big changes I have been going through lately! I explore the subconscious energy around "it's too good to be true" and why it can feel scary to the ego when life gets really good!

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Transcript

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Just because you have doubt, just because you have anxiety or stories saying that you can't do it, just because you have all that does not mean that you're making the wrong decision and that you're not ready for what you're jumping into. once you expand into something, there's no going back only into new layers of expansion. So sometimes it might feel like we're going backwards, but it's always an upwards spiral every time you contract and expand. life gets to be this good. Life gets to be this fucking good. Hello, beautiful friends. Welcome back to the Fluidity Podcast. This is Hannah, your host. We got a solo episode for y'all, episode 33. And fun fact for you, I recorded this podcast yesterday, the whole thing, and something happened with the downloading of it, so it is gone. Uh, I'll get into a little bit about what I learned with that whole situation in a little bit, but. Today I really wanted to talk about the contraction before the expansion. And life gets to be this good training. And I kinda wanna give you guys an update and just let it flow from there, to be honest. So let's just talk about what happened yesterday. I recorded the podcast, I was doubting what I was talking about when I was speaking, and then I was able to actually rewatch the episode back and I'm like, wow, it actually sounds way better than I thought it did. It flows and so I was like actually super excited about it and then I lost the video and then I got pretty. Agitated. I was very angry, um, for a second. And then, you know, I was like, I remembered that everything is for me and there's a lesson in this. I didn't bypass the frustration. I let myself feel it, but I didn't get wrapped up in the story of I'm not gonna be able, here was the story that I was telling myself. I'm not gonna be able to make another episode. That's good. that was a one time thing. And, it was. By happenstance that it was a good podcast and like I can't recreate it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so I really realized, just the stories that were going on there and like, even that was a contraction right before the expansion of what I'm gonna talk about today.'cause I feel like I'm more grounded in the theory that I'm talking about today and have a better understanding of what, the contraction before the expansion really is. And so even yesterday I was like. Okay. Is it helpful to believe that I'm not gonna be able to recreate this again? Or what if I believe that this podcast today that I'm recording right now, is gonna be 10 times better than the one yesterday? And there was a reason why I lost that footage is because I wasn't ready to record that podcast yet, and I, you know, whatever the thing may be. so I do wanna give a life update because I feel like my whole life right now is a contraction before the expansion. And like I told you guys a couple episodes ago, I'm going to Hawaii for three and a half months and I feel like my whole life is just flipped upside down and in the best way fricking possible. The original reason why I wanted to make this podcast was because I was feeling this like expansion, this connection to truth to the universe that like life really gets to be this good. And I had a vision years ago of of my limitless potential and it's all now coming to fruition. Everything is dropping in and. I'm watching before my eyes, my dreams come true. Like the things I've been working for. They're finally like coming into reality. And I almost felt very uncomfortable with that fact, like very, like gripping, like I had to like grip onto this, this phase that I'm in right now it's almost like I was getting anxiety about losing what I'm, what I'm going through right now. Does that make sense? Like I was gripping onto, life being this good. What's the trick here? Like, when is it gonna end? When's the other shoe gonna drop? That was the subconscious energy that was floating around of just anxiety that things were gonna go wrong, that. like the saying it's too good to be true. Like, that was the energy that I was, that I was feeling And this kind of goes into, into like the contraction, right? So when you're contracting, it's getting smaller. You're, you're coming into yourself, right? But the only reason why that happens is because the next step is expansion, So when we feel these contraction moments, it's not because. We're doing something wrong. It's really we're doing something right because that means that the next step is to let it go and to expand into the next level. Do you know what I mean? like you can't take certain beliefs and certain thoughts with you to the next level. So that's what's really happening. And so, yeah, I just wanted to talk about when life starts to get fucking good. The. Fear and the anxiety that certain parts of us feel. Because when you feel gratitude, when you feel love and joy and whatever it is, there comes like a, a protective mechanism. Like, whoa, why are you letting your guard down? Why are you not bracing for impact? Right? Why are you just opening up, this isn't good. You're gonna get hurt, whatever, whatever the story may be. And it's really what I've noticed is like I am in the life gets to be this good training right now, like I am in the training of it. so yeah, let me just talk about what's been going on. So Hawaii for three and a half months. I have always wanted to travel. I've always wanted to be someone who could have their own business and have the freedom to travel to. Experience life to the fullest. If I could just put it in one sentence, just experience life to the fullest and be of service on the way and doing things that I love and excite me. Like that's, that's pretty much it. And so I had a friend on Instagram, I have never met her, but you know, Instagram friends, and she was traveling, she was. living her best life and making money online, doing her own thing. and I just kind of asked her like, how are you able to do this? And she told me about two apps. That basically is a place where you can find host around the world that will host you. They don't pay you, but what they give you is accommodations, like, somewhere to stay. Food, a car, you know, they're, every single, host has different, like accommodations that they give you for the work that you're doing. And it's not hard work. It's like four hours a day because the app that I'm on, it's called World Packers. their value is really all about like being able to travel and see where you're going and not work and not be able to see the place you're at. I think it's only like 20 hours, 24 hours of work a week. And yeah, so I looked into it and I did not think I was gonna be able to do this. Like, I'm like, wow, what am I thinking? But once you open up to the possibility, life can, life fucking surprises you. Okay. So. I was looking on the app and I saw some places I, if you know me, I love horses and I wanna know more about them and just like be in their presence. And so I found a horse farm in Hawaii and then I found another host that was doing a retreat, like a spiritual retreat. So, and I just was divine the way they both kind of. Came into my, awareness and I got accepted by both of them. So, the first two months is gonna be in the horse farm, and then the last month and a half is gonna be at the retreat center. Also, the reason why I wanted to do this is because I'm launching my coaching program, my coaching container, And what better place to launch it than literally living my dream and traveling. that was the goal to begin with. with the coaching, it just now has ended up that way to where I'm at a place where my coaching container is ready to be launched. Like, I am ready. I've had, you know, I've done my time with, With learning, with coaching practice clients. So it's just, it just aligned perfectly that I'm getting ready to launch my coaching container, literally right when I am leaving for Hawaii. My lease was up as well. And so I moved out of my apartment and I am very lucky to have parents that let me stay in my old room. so I moved the little things I had because I literally got rid of everything. Everything. Like I talk about contraction, right? I got rid of most of my clothes. I got rid of. Everything that did not fit in. I don't know how big this room is, but it's, it's small. I got rid of everything that would not fit in this room. And the reason why I did that was because I really feel this new version of myself coming online and I really wanted to just release everything that was not coming with me onto this next chapter. And a lot of it did not feel resonant with me anymore. So yeah, I moved everything out. And even like being at my parents' house, I felt these old stories of like, wow, you're such a fucking loser. Like you're living at your parents. whatever the stories may be about being a 28-year-old moving back in with their parents. And then I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm literally living my dream right now. I moved myself into my parents so I could travel the world. Like what epic is that? luckily that I can move into my parents. Be able to travel and not have rent so I can launch my business. Like it's all about the perspective that you hold. I moved in with my parents previously, like four or five years ago after I broke up with, an ex-boyfriend. And I feel like I'm just, healing so many of the stories I had when I moved back in my parents four years ago. I just feel different, you know? contracting, moving all my stuff out of my old apartment and also I quit my job. I don't know if you guys listened to my previous podcast with Lily. It, got released last week and I was basically asking her,'cause she kind of went through the same thing where she was working a bridge job, before launching her coaching. one-on-ones in her business. And I was like, you know, I'm feeling this push to just quit to, you know, just fucking leap into the unknown basically. And I was going back and forth that I wanted to quit because I was worried that, my coaching business wouldn't make money and whatever the story may be. And that I was scared that I would have to go back to that old job. And what if I didn't have that job to go back to? then what would I do? I basically just leaped and the best thing possible happened. I told them that I was leaving and I said, you know what? We wish you luck and if you wanna come back, you can, but if you don't we support you basically. And so it was really beautiful to have, this job also support me in moving on. very grateful for them, So I know I'm kind of going all over the place, but thank you guys for sticking with me. So quitting my job, right? I set an amount of money that I wanted to save for this three and a half months. obviously I don't have rent, but there's other bills that I still have, and so I calculated. How much I would need for, you know, my bills each month while I was gone. And so I obviously added some more money on there just in case. And so I picked a number that I felt good about having in my savings to go on this trip. Because yes, I'm launching my business, but also like I gotta make sure, like my basics are covered no matter what. And so I hit that number right? And even though I hit that number, there's still some, residue of doubt and like, what the fuck am I doing? Just because you have doubt, just because you have anxiety or like, stories saying that you can't do it, just because you have all that does not mean that you're making the wrong decision and that you're not ready for what you're jumping into. there's a difference between knowing when something's for you. There's some doubt and fear because there's old stories that wanna hold you back versus it's actually not for you and you're out of alignment. Making that decision. There's a difference. And I think the more that you make decisions and you trust your gut, the more that you will see which is which. And so I feel very rooted in just trust in, like there's a baseline of knowing this is for me, whatever way it turns out it doesn't matter the outcome, The experience is going to grow me into this next version. So that was kinda the life update. Now I wanted to talk about the contraction before the expansion and like it gets to be this good. This week I have been feeling, like I told you guys in the beginning, very anxious that something the other shoe's gonna drop. Like me even being excited about this next chapter and everything falling into place, letting myself feel that and be excited, I have really been. Struggling a little bit with, the anxiety that I'm gonna do something wrong and I'm gonna fuck it all up. Basically like this fear that like, can my life really be this good? I'm scared to actually trust that it's going to be different, There's a part of me that's scared to go back to. The life I am kind of stepping out of now. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I guess I'm just scared to go back and what I realize is like the ego's way of not going back is to brace for and to expect it. So like in its own way, it thinks that's the opposite of jinxing, like To be in this state where I am expecting and fearing and stories are coming up that oh, you're just gonna go back. It can't be this good, the other shoe's gonna drop. It's like, that's the ego's way of not jinxing it.'cause a lot of people, me included, we hear all the time, like someone getting excited, someone saying something, and then they're like, oh, don't jinx it. You know, and it's like. Why do we get in that vibe? It's so unhelpful. but I understand why it's there. And again, that's the contraction, right? The contraction of, for example, yesterday when I got super mad about my podcast episode disappearing in the abyss of. The internet realm. I lost it and I, when I felt that anger, like I just felt my energy just collapsing into itself and like that's the contraction. and the reason why we feel that contraction is for contrast to feel the expansion. So now I'm gonna go into like why I believe I was meant to record this episode today about this. So what is the contraction? Before the expansion, I asked myself this in the, in a meditation this morning. I asked what the reason is, I understand there's a contraction before the expansion, but like, why, why is it there? And I was really looking at it like contraction was bad and expansion was good. I thought it would be this like really advanced thing that I wouldn't be able to understand, but the more I listened, I heard the answer. Simple contrast. And it also got me to realize like the universe doesn't see contraction versus expansion as separate. Like they don't see it as a separate thing. They are one and the same. The polarity is there for a reason, and when you take the good and bad labels off. Just it is what it is, and the universe doesn't operate like our ego mind, which the ego mind is gonna be complicated, And so the universe works in truth. The universe is simple, like the truth is simple, which is why contrast was the answer to the question I asked. There wasn't like a big story behind it, like the ego thought there would be. It was just simple truth. If we didn't have contraction or like a limitation, we wouldn't feel the expansion, which is literally what we're doing on this human realm. And so the limitation is there so we can feel the freedom from it. And so we can understand, because we don't know something without contrast. Once you expand, and this is the cool part, once you expand into something, there's no going back only into new layers of expansion. So sometimes it might feel like we're going backwards, but it's always an upwards spiral every time you contract and expand. And I think this is really cool because I think. All the times that I was in a contracted state, and even yesterday, like doing this podcast, I felt, scared about the contraction because I was making it mean something about me. Right? Like yesterday with the podcast, I was making it mean, the story behind it was like I wouldn't be able to do a good podcast again. Then if I wouldn't be able to do a good podcast again, then like my podcast is over and like just fucking a spiral. Right? And so like looking at the contraction, it was real, it was like the stories were true, but what the contraction is doing is showing you. What is not you? Does that make sense? so for example, yesterday when I was in that contracted state and I was pissed off and mad about the podcast being gone, I also had another thought like, why am I here again? Why am I feeling like this shit again? I've been here before, but it's like, no, I actually haven't been there before. It feels like that, but I haven't because. You don't realize how much you grow, and so when you contract in a similar way, but you're, you're up a level. we sometimes think that we're, we're going backwards, but really we're just at a different height of the spiral going up. Does that make sense? I can envision it in my head, so I hope you are too, but that is the key I think because I was thinking of contraction as like going backwards And in my meditation this morning, it's like, no, you're never going backwards. You're going up a level. But every time you contract and expand, it's like the contraction's not a backwards motion. That's liberation right there. I was asking my coach about. Why we feel like we're expanding. I have been feeling like just immense amount of gratitude and immense amount of love, and just like excitement for like what's coming. And It scared me a little bit, like, can it be this good? Like, am I being tricked right now? can life actually be this good? Dreams come true. You know? And just that feeling of gratitude, of knowing that everything's happening for you and feeling like the luckiest person ever. And I realized that was expanding, right? It was expanding into my limitless potential. And I was wondering, I asked my coach, why does it feel like we're expanding if we already are? You know this limitless being, why does it feel like we're expanding if we're already that? And she basically said like contraction, expansion, the contrast, like it's a very human thing to feel like we're expanding because we are having the experience of being separate, feeling like we're limited and it's actually the miracle of being human because we're these limitless beings. Having the perception of being limited. So when we go through the visceral experience of what it is to remember to expand, that is what life is like. That is the human experience. And we wouldn't have that beautiful, you know, feeling, visceral feeling of expanding if we did not think we were limited. So it's not that we were ever limited, It's that we thought we were. And so it's not like we're expanding into something new. We're expanding out of the mold or the persona we thought we were. It's like we are in a, a mug, right? I'm looking at my, my tea mug right now. It's like we're in it's tea mug thinking that that's all we were. And then when we're doing this work, when we are growing, when we're, really healing from within on a spiritual path You break the mold of who you thought you were. And that is the feeling of expanding. So it's not, and it's not that you were ever that cup, right? So, it's literally this human experience to feel like we're expanding and we wouldn't feel like we're expanding if we didn't have the contrast of feeling limited or being in the. And the contraction. And so realizing that the contraction and the expansion are one and the same. I have been realizing the story that I've had deep within, when anything went wrong or bad, not, I didn't wanna say bad'cause it's not, nothing's bad, but when I perceive something, a experience. In reality going quote unquote bad or wrong, that was my perception of it. And I would make all these stories and like just catastrophize it. Lemme give you an example. So last week there's actually, the universe has been showing me, this lesson So on Thursday last week, I slept on my neck. Really weird. I literally got nauseous because of how bad the pain hurt. I could barely, I couldn't move, I couldn't get outta bed. And I was like, of course this is happening. I'm moving outta my apartment in two days. I'm not gonna be able to move. everything's gonna set me back. I'm not gonna be able to go. you know, it's just like the universe hates me. Like I'm just, I'm being punished for something, That essence was like coming through like the victim mentality. And, I just noticed it, you know, I didn't attach to it too much, but I definitely was feeling fear. And then the next day I was completely fine. And guess what? I got to relax in bed and really rest before this big move I was making. So yeah, I hurt my neck and then the other day I stubbed my toe and then I dropped my phone in the toilet and then I, you know, my podcast didn't record In those examples. My first initial reaction, I was reacting and I was reacting with the story of, like, it always came back to the story of maybe this isn't for, like this isn't for me, what I'm stepping into. So I was, I was making that one isolated. Event, like my phone dropping in the toilet or my podcast going or stubbing my toe or hurting my, you know, sleeping on my neck. Weird. I was, the same story came out of all of them, which was like, oh, I was right. I, I didn't deserve, I don't deserve like, good things or, like the shoes always gonna drop In the, in the moment, those circumstances seemed like, oh, what the fuck? Like the, you know what I mean? The universe isn't for me. Like, this is bullshit. That, that voice came through and, but after every single one, it ended up turning out better than expected. the whole stubbing my toe thing, who knows what that saved me from, do you know what I mean? Okay, so I wanna end off on something. the idea that life gets to be this good, the training, was hesitant to make a podcast about me loving my life and feeling this energy of expanding and, Talking about my excitement for what I'm stepping into. one, it was that fear of jinxing it. it's too good to be true. So why would I talk about it? Because then if it doesn't happen, I'll just look stupid And another side of it too that I didn't even know was there was, I was scared of. Making other people feel bad for the good things happening in my life. And what I realized is whenever I am looking at someone's life and they're like fucking killing it and, and whenever the reason why I feel quote unquote bad sometimes is because I'm believing that that's not possible for me too, right? So I was watching this podcast the other day and it made me realize, like the girl was talking about how. She got inspired by her guests years ago because she was living her best life and she went after her path because she saw her guests do it first. And so to really step into this, this new era and show others that it's possible too, and not to feel bad to express how good things are going, and to just switch the mindset into celebrate yourself. Show people that it's possible to do what you're doing and inspire them. It's only the story making you think that you're making them feel bad. And the only reason that they're feeling bad is because they think that they can't do it too. Which is why we are meant to show other people that we are human too. We are just like them. We have the same, you know. In doubts, we have the same whatever going on in our life. It's our life isn't this Instagram reel, but it's real. And we're, and we still are loving our life and we're going after what we want. And I'm not saying that I got it all figured out. Hell no. I'm at like, you guys, I'm in my old room that I grew up in. It's small as hell. I'm literally two like not even a foot away from my bed.'cause my desk is right next to my bed I don't have any plan really. I mean, I have my coaching and things, but I'm just jumping right now. Like, I don't have really anything figured out. I'm just letting life carry me. And it's not like I am, living this glamorous life. I'm going after my purpose and I'm living my purpose and I'm excited and things are happening, but it's not perfect, Anyway, that's just all I wanna say is that like we can inspire others and it's not inspiring them to do things that are not real. Do you know what I mean? Like sometimes we look at Instagram reels and whatever, and they're like, they're not showing the realness, right? But. I think we're all sick of seeing the fake perfection life. Like we wanna see people doing what they love, but not in a way where it's like putting them on a pedestal that like we can't touch. Right. Because that doesn't help anyone. life gets to be this good. Life gets to be this fucking good and just because you have a little, perceived slip up, like. Dropping your phone in the toilet or losing your podcasts or stubbing your toe like that doesn't mean that what you're stepping into isn't divine. Like things are only circumstances are just circumstances we only make them bad or good when we put stories to them. But if we see that everything isn't an end all be all, and it's leading to the next thing, then we're flowing, baby. We have flown with life. We are fluidity. All right guys. I love you. Stay tuned.'cause I have a guest coming on the podcast, this Friday and I'll probably be out by next week and next week I'll be in Hawaii. So I'm so excited to send y'all, some updates on Instagram and things like that. All right guys. I love you and stay awesome.