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Beyond the Cleats
Join us, as we go Beyond the Cleats and explore how our athletic passions transform and shape our personal and professional lives!
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Beyond the Cleats
Embracing Self-Worth Beyond the Game
Ever felt like your entire identity is wrapped up in your athletic performance? Ailaina and I invite you to explore this gripping subject on Beyond the Cleats. Imagine the heartache of sustaining an ACL tear—Ailaina shares her harrowing experiences with injuries, the brutal recoveries, and the emotional roller coaster that follows. Our conversation sheds light on the intense pressures athletes endure when sidelined, often leaving them grappling with feelings of worthlessness. This episode underscores the significance of finding balance and recognizing self-worth beyond one's physical capabilities.
But the journey doesn't stop there. Navigating life on crutches across a non-handicap accessible campus threw her into a whirlwind of frustration and vulnerability. From the struggle to ask for help to the impact on our independence and ego, we delve into the emotional and physical challenges of injury recovery. Highlighting the importance of a supportive network, we share how the unwavering support of friends and teammates can make all the difference. Embracing small victories and shifting our mental focus can profoundly influence the recovery process and overall well-being.
We also tackle the concept of internal motivation and self-accountability. Competing against oneself rather than others becomes paramount, and recognizing the value of non-starters and supportive teammates fosters a positive team environment. Mental health, self-care, and self-love emerge as critical elements in maintaining balance and recognizing our inherent worth. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that our value extends far beyond our achievements, encouraging us to create a fulfilling life that harmonizes personal identity and external accomplishments.
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What's up, guys? Today we are with Elena in the Beyond the Cleats podcast, and today we are talking about self-worth and finding self-worth beyond the game, because I feel like as athletes.
Speaker 1:We I don't feel I know because I was one of them we put so much there's already so much pressure with performing that it becomes all-consuming performance and your value as a player, and I know I personally experienced that where it's like all your value just comes from the game. My freshman year boom, it was eat, sleep, softball, academics, and you take softball away. It's like what am I, what do I do? Yeah, but yeah, it's a, it's a good topic. And when you said, hey, this is something we should talk about, I'm like, yes, let's do it?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, definitely it comes. It's right off a piggyback, right off of our identity episode from last week too. So I think it's really cool because I guess you know, knowing your own value and worth outside of athletics, as an athlete, is something that's not taught or it's not even really talked about. Right, like I don't think I was ever.
Speaker 1:No one told me about it. Nobody talked about it and said hey, by the way, you're going to put all of your worthiness and self-worth into your sport and when you can't perform or you have an injury, you gonna feel really, really bad about it. Yeah, and like worthless injuries. I feel like injuries is like the easiest one, because it's like you immediately take it away. It's like I am worthless and that sounds super dramatic, but it's like that's your. Your super, your value is gone yeah, oh yeah, certainly.
Speaker 2:and I think, like a lot of the time for at least athletes like your value is gone. Yeah, oh yeah, certainly. And I think, like a lot of the time for at least athletes like your spores, your outlet, it's your way to, you know, navigate the challenging parts of life, to cope with the things that, like you, don't necessarily know how to, because you're, you know, releasing those chemicals when you're going to the field or you're training or whatever.
Speaker 2:Like it's just the outlet that you know can be healthy or not healthy. You know you have to balance that both ways. Oh, 100, 100 but injuries is definitely an interesting topic because, well, I mean, I've had so many injuries there's like, how many acl tears I only minor tears.
Speaker 2:So I only tore my acl once. I got two surgeries on my knee and then I've had an ankle reconstruction, two shoulder reconstruction, so I've had my fair share. I've had like six I didn't know about the shoulder five or six different injuries that have kept me out, like, if you think about that, that's like six years, you should like not have finished your collegiate career.
Speaker 1:I'll be, completely honest from a mindset standpoint.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I, against all odds, was still able to perform, which is like a miracle, because I think if I wasn't able to play like sports in college, I don't know what I would have done, I don't know who I would be, and that's still kind of like the topic that we're talking about.
Speaker 1:I know we already talked about like, when it stops like, and just the loss of identity. Here's a question for you what was like your first? I don't want to get too much into the injuries because that's like a whole, nother deep dive what was like your biggest in like? What was the first one that was like dang. This is like eight like. I'm out for like four months, and how did you react to that?
Speaker 2:from a like yeah you're from a value standpoint, I think the most monumental recovery in surgery or like that affected me, like as an athlete and like as a person in general, was definitely my acl. I think it's just a rigorous recovery to begin with, so it's like one of those things. It's like it takes a super long time, like everything else I was able to like with my shoulders, with everything like my ankle. I came back like three months earlier than like I should have, like they were. The doctors were like I don't know how you're like I'm fine I can walk.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm like, put me on the field, man, like I'm in a such an athlete thing to say I was in a field.
Speaker 2:I was in a cast and I was still shooting on the goalies playing lacrosse. Like I was in a cast, like I was not supposed to be off my crutches, but I'm like over here like I can still play, you know, like because that was my that's where I found value was on the field, like so any aspect that I could have given to my team, to my coaches, to anything, I was the biggest cheerleader on the sideline. All those different things gave me a little bit of value on the sidelines, and I think it's still not the same, though.
Speaker 1:It's definitely not. It's not that same feeling.
Speaker 2:There's definitely there's times where it's so hard. You look at your players and you're like the people that take it for granted too, the ones that never get hurt or don't have to try too hard to be like I don't know. I mean, I was always the one to go to the gym.
Speaker 1:Do the extra work, do the extra mile, yeah little things.
Speaker 2:I was hurt all the time.
Speaker 1:I had to.
Speaker 2:I had to prepare for that stuff. I knew it. I just knew I was always hurt. There wasn't a time in my career where I really freshman year of high school, like when I was less than 100 pounds and like tiny yeah, I think that's the only time where I was literally never hurt.
Speaker 1:it was also I can relate to that. It's definitely like I didn't have any like major injuries, but it was always like for me it was my fingers. All throughout high school I I had this like three times. I stopped. I gotta stop flipping people off like god dang it. I feel like as athletes we're very competitive and as soon as you take that competitiveness out, you just like or I don't know if emptiness is the right word like trying to find a way to fill that void.
Speaker 2:And for me I think that was finding competition through myself and like my recoveries and stuff like that. It was like pushing myself past, like even what my you know physical therapists were saying or like whatever. And and I think for me I had like especially for my acl was that you can't push yourself that way all my other surgeries I could, because it didn't really they weren't.
Speaker 2:You know, they were like little baby things they weren't like baby, but like I could push through them and like not have to wait for a graft to heal on my knee, you know what I mean. Like that part where it's just it takes time. All my other surgeries it was like it would be like, all right, four weeks and that's fine, and then after that I could grind, I could get everything I needed and for like ACLs you have to wait like four months, like that's a long time.
Speaker 1:When you think about it, with, like you, acls and stuff you're like utterly useless I couldn't you're essentially utterly useless and it just is like taken away from you I have a story that's so funny now, all right, I have to hear it but it's like at the time.
Speaker 2:It was like at the time it was terrible like hysterical, so that's not to do with like an acl yeah, so I was uh fresh off my acl surgery, probably like within the first week, and so fresh, fresh we're talking like on crutches could lock this is in everything.
Speaker 2:Totally, oh boy probably still on drugs. They all look pretty good. They were prescribed, all legal, yeah, all legal, um, but I I had to go to class and I was like my teachers were like you don't have to, but I'm like I'm going to class because I'm stubborn and I'm like I'm gonna do this, it's not a big deal. And so normally I would walk to class because I was not that far like I probably it was maybe like a mile to campus and then like to class like a mile, like all the way through probably maybe a little bit more.
Speaker 2:I don't give or take, so I'm like, yeah, it's fine, I'm on crutches keep in mind crutches like 100 I'm like trying to, I'm like I saw you.
Speaker 1:How far is like you went, the entirety of campus well, actually I lie, I had.
Speaker 2:I got a ride from my teammate to class and I was like perfect.
Speaker 2:This is awesome, carolina you're the best, by the way, um, and I was like, please help me. And she's like, yeah, totally, like I can bring you. And I'm like, okay, cool, and I was like, uh, you can, like you know, bring me home. And she's like, no, actually I can't. I'm like, what am I gonna do, like, and so I'm like, all right, I'll take, don't ask for help. It asking for help is the hardest thing. It was so hard and especially with my seo, like I had to do. Like all the time I was like I'm I had to, you know, bite my ego and be like it's okay and this, this moment, was why I just I started like asking people for more help.
Speaker 2:So I went to class, went out and I was like, all right, we could take a shuttle system. So I took the shuttle to the closest place to my apartment and that's still a hike like maybe a half mile like on crutches a half miles, a long time. I don't know if anyone's tried to. Were you at. I was at us boston, are you so?
Speaker 2:I've seen that camp is this yeah, it's also not handicap accessible at all. I'm on my way back, I'm crutching. I'm like all right, um, this is hard. I'm like sweating, I'm in pain, like my knee's hurting I was gonna say you're fresh off your injury.
Speaker 1:if any of you have ever experienced an acl, it's I haven't. But from the patients that I worked with, like it's very sensitive, yeah, Like you feel every little inch and cranny.
Speaker 2:Muscles spasms. How long did it take to get to your? A long time and I'm like, but I'm like, I'm like one of those people that's like, I just need to get it done, it's just a mindset, like you're fine, you're not in that much pain, so I'm crutching away.
Speaker 2:I get like probably like I don't know how far away, like a block away from my apartment, and I'm like I can't use these crutches anymore. I'm not supposed to walk my leg, but I'm going to because I cannot use these crutches anymore. You're a week, yeah, so I took my crutches I didn't want to decide and I'm walking to my apartment I'm just gonna judge you internally, right you totally can.
Speaker 2:It was not a good decision, but I was in so much pain if that tells you anything I am. I have such a high pain tolerance and I was. I couldn't use the crutches anymore like I don't know what it was, but I hurt so bad I was like for some reason in my tiny brain on crutches you're just like you're locked out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was just so bad I finally like get there and I'm fumbling with my like keys, my books, like things like sweaty, I'm drenched, yes, I'm trying to get my keys to unlock this door. No one's home. I'm like fumbling, drop my keys like three times in the ground because I'm like, please just let me in, like some like ah yeah, like if there was one day, my roommates left the door open. This could be like the best I hope that this is the day.
Speaker 2:no, of course not. So I'm like fumbling, I get finally get it open. But I like trip on the lip of the door so I face plant into my apartment and I'm like laying on the, like heart, like I just fall, and I'm like I couldn't protect myself, my knees like locked down in a brace and I'm already like weak, and so I fall over. Yeah, I'm like heart, like I just fall and I'm like I couldn't protect myself, my knee's like locked down in a brace and I'm already like weak, and so I fall over.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like turtled on the floor and I'm like backpack salon, like water bottles across the world Keys are somewhere else. The door's wide open. I'm like on the ground I'm, and so I'm like what do I do? Of course, as any you know girl that is close with their mom, I pick up the phone and I'm bawling calling my mom.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'd immediately call my mom Bawling.
Speaker 2:I'd be no I yep, hysterical tears down my face and at this point in my life I wasn't much of a crier, but like I was like, and she's like what's wrong? I was like, and she's like what's wrong? I'm like I can't do anything, I just try to do this. And she's like you shouldn't have done that. I'm like thanks, mom. Like that's awesome. Yeah, I know I shouldn't have done that. Like I clearly was not in the right headspace and like it was mentally just like challenging because I was so used to being able to walk to class and do those things and like enjoy my life and it was taken away it was independent independency and so I'm like all right, well, I need to be able to like do something else where.
Speaker 2:So I started like challenging myself, or I'd be like I can go up the stairs by myself.
Speaker 2:That gives me value, like the baby wins little baby things, which I wasn't supposed to be walking up the stairs either. But whatever, at this point, like I needed to get up the stairs but I had to lay on the floor and call my best friend Caroline back and be like dude, can you please come here? Like I'm on the floor, I can't pack. We were leaving for playoffs and I was like I can't pack. She's like you're coming. I'm like of course I'm coming.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna miss it. Not come what are you talking?
Speaker 2:about so like okay, I'll help you. She's like help me get over all this stuff. And I was like, oh, I was so great, but that's like the best thing is like having teammates that are just like there for you and like they definitely give me like value as well.
Speaker 1:And I feel like that's really where you I feel like the switch, if you can switch that flip to being like and just understanding, like I add value as a person and not as a player. Yes, I'm good at what I do, but I feel like that's where it really comes into play and injury, I feel like, exemplifies that huge divide of separating yourself from an athlete and a person yeah, you're a person first and that's like the, the foundation, and that's what should be the foundation.
Speaker 2:But unfortunately in the sports world it's like you're an athlete first, you're not a person first oh 100 and it's not taught. And I think one of my like, uh, grounding moments is like a college athlete was my first school. Like the coaching staff was very much so. Like you're gonna be a good person to be on this team. Like you're, if you're not a good.
Speaker 1:That's kind of how uh depaul was. It was very much. I think they said like you're a person first, then you're a student, yeah, then you're an athlete. I'm like, yeah, and it's good to hear, it's hard to do so, a hundred percent, it's hard to do. You have to foster that environment.
Speaker 2:I think it's good to hear. It's hard to do so a hundred percent, it's hard to do. You have to foster that environment. I think it's the coaching staffs that you know really have to create that and and not put so much emphasis on. I guess this leads into the next topic about like stats and like performance goals and like lifting heavy weights and like I was such an ego lifter even like my freshman year.
Speaker 1:I was like I'm gonna. I I would like size. I love my teammates, but I would like size them up. I'm like, listen, you're like two feet bigger than me and like you can like bench more than me, but I'm gonna make sure, even though I'm half of you yeah, oh yeah, certainly I remember it and it's like but that made me feel worthy when really you just need to kind of stay in your own lane in a sense and not and do it for yourself.
Speaker 2:I think it's like realizing that it's not about anyone else. It's like you versus you, and I hear this like all the time in a lot of like other podcasts. I forget who says it, but like when I listen to them and they're like it's you versus you, like you have to realize that it it's only you. You're only. You should only be challenging yourself against the person that you were like yesterday or the day before. And like all these external factors, like your coaching staff, your teammates, your parents, your friends, like whoever they're all doing their own things and that's totally fine.
Speaker 2:The battle's against you oh 100 you are your own monsters are hard enough.
Speaker 1:You don't need to be like fighting everyone else's battle oh yeah, I think, just have accountability for yourself and that's really where I feel like you get that kind of internal motivation. If you're looking for external factors, you're gonna burn out. You're gonna look at those stats. You're gonna look at you know those beside you and you're just gonna burn out. Or you're gonna look at those stats you're gonna look at, you know those beside you and you're just gonna you're gonna burn out. Or you're trying to pick up someone else instead of picking up yourself a hundred percent, like be there for your teammates, be there, you know, for the people around you.
Speaker 2:But you can only do so much I think some of my like best teammates are like players that didn't get a lot of playing time. If that makes any sense, oh, that makes total sense. The ones that should have been like captains but like weren't, because they didn't play a lot or they weren't starters and stuff like that. And you look at them, you're like I would go through a wall for you because you're always there. You're consistently always there, and that's something that I think is important to know too is that like minutes on the field also doesn't give your worth. Like 100.
Speaker 2:I have like gone through like you know, different teams and stuff like that and like the best people are the ones that I like are just they just want to be there. They just simply want to be there there was a.
Speaker 1:It was my freshman year um, we had two seniors. Both, I think they definitely held similar values, held the similar like team values. Uh, both really good players, like if we're talking like they were both really good. Um, we were very competitive team but in terms of like side to side comparison, um, like, one of them was just like she was on another level than like everybody. But and the no player A I'll go A and B because I don't want to give names but she was like she was just a step above everyone else, like she was gnarly. She was an awesome player and an awesome person. And so was Senior B I'll go Senior B but she just had this light and this like spark. She didn't play all the time, you know, sometimes she'd start, wasn't like one of our top players, but she just had a way of if the dugout was down, just like quiet.
Speaker 2:She just had this way of like just turning it around and we just loved her for it and it's just what they're able to motivate, are like make you feel good too, like that's really I mean that's instrumental, especially in an environment where you need that. You know that lift from your team when you know you're down or you're even if you're winning, I guess like just having people there there to pick you up um dugout vibe.
Speaker 1:It's a big, it's a huge thing, or like sidelines yeah, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2:If your team's down like you're gonna play probably worse and then like the thing is like that's why role players are so important.
Speaker 1:I go on and on. That's definitely going to be another podcast On role playing In sport.
Speaker 2:And I think a lot of this transitions into you know, realistically, I think we put a lot of value on our how our performance is, and that, like, in transition, relates back to like mental health and like things like that for sports, and like there's been an exponential growth in athletes that are, you know, having suicidal thoughts, like or like are affected mentally because all they care, all the I don't want to say all they care about because it's to be honest, sometimes it's I'm not, it's not the athlete's fault, it's just the environment that they're around.
Speaker 1:That's why there's high suicide rates and there's high, why mental health is a is a crisis, because they're not told you could walk away from your sport tomorrow and you still have inherent value. That's the one thing my mother, like would always say is like I, like I don't. She never cared how I did on the field. Like me, my dad would like you know, talk. He would only. But I respect my dad in a way because he would only really bring it up and talk about it. Like if I was like wanted to talk, but if it was immediate after a game and I a crappy game, he's not even gonna touch. Yeah, um, even if I had a really good game, yeah, he kind of would like let me be able to talk about the game. Yeah, but my mom, I could have the worst game in the world. She's like did you have fun? That was the one thing she always she's like did you have fun?
Speaker 2:yes, I did okay, cool that's so important and I think it's not talked about enough either. I think, like just I try to like, say like with my players and stuff, like that.
Speaker 1:I try to be like that's a good, yeah, I was gonna ask you how do you, yeah, push that to your players, because you work with like a lot of older, older collegiate kids. You know they're already kind of maybe in a mindset how do you kind of create that environment?
Speaker 2:they get so stuck in their heads, and I feel like I did too, so I think that's where I can relate them a lot and like I know like what would help me if someone had said it to me and I think that's what I try to give back to them, because like we'll have like pep talks and stuff. It'll be like halftime and I'm like I I can give you all the coaching points in the world and I still don't think you guys would be receptive to it right now because you're not having fun out there, like I can tell.
Speaker 2:Like you're not having fun out there, it's not fun to watch it's stiff I'm like I can just see the stress, the energy, like transfers from like the field to the you know whatever, and I'm like how, I think to myself, like how, what would I want said to me? And like I think one of the best halftime speeches I ever had was like just forget everything and go back to like the basics of like when you're five and you're learning the sport for the first time and it's so like there's pure fun, like you just have to remember how this started. It's a sport, yeah, it's supposed to be fun and you're playing a d3 level, like.
Speaker 2:We're not trying to be like professional athletes here. That's why I'm trying to be like super real with them. That's all I try to do is be like super real.
Speaker 1:I'm like.
Speaker 2:It's like we're gonna be competitive this is gonna stop at some point, and when it does my first year, like we're winning the national championship, so I can't relate on that.
Speaker 1:Look, not know a little bit, but but it was the same. Like be fun be relaxed, be loose.
Speaker 2:No, we want to win and that's that brings winning. That that environment. Winning thrives off that environment where you're just having fun. You see, the difference between a good team and a great team is that they're able to foster an environment where they're having fun, but they're challenging each other to to break the limits that they've set. You know, we get even higher.
Speaker 2:That, um, the goal is even higher because it the environment there's, it's so we don't care if you make a mistake, it's okay to make a mistake. Honestly, like I'd rather you make a mistake and me point it out and be like, hey, let's do this better next time. Then you did not try and like limit yourself and your potential because you don't even want to try to do something that may be challenging 100 and that's also, in sports, a huge thing.
Speaker 2:It's like athletes are afraid to make like, make mistakes, because they're like, oh, I'm not gonna get more playing time. I make a mistake. My coach is gonna be like you made a mistake, get off the field.
Speaker 1:I want you to make mistakes, that's exactly. But think about it from like, just like the pure psyche level. I make you make a mistake, just like. Not even in sports perspective, I make a mistake. It's bad, yeah, or even um, this is actually more on like the academic and like professional side of things, like research. So like you're in academia but you're not in academia, yeah, um, and the biggest piece of advice I got is, if you don't know the answer, if you were asked a question and you don't know the answer, say you don't know the answer or say or like like coach, I'm not, I don't understand that or I don't get it, but again it makes you feel bad.
Speaker 1:So I think the key with both in sport and in like the professional life, is you are not your sport, you are not your job. It is a part of you, it is part of it is a puzzle piece in who makes elena, who makes mina, who. It is a simple puzzle piece to your, you and your entirety. And again, I, I, I think you said it best you were born with inherent value. Yeah, and if you remind yourself of that, everything else it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:I mean, even if it does for a second, that's okay. Like feel that for a second, be like all right. Well, this is going to feel bad, but like you've remembered to your core who you are and I think that's important. It's right, well, it's gonna feel bad, but like you've remembered to your core who you are and I think that's important. It's like it's the identifying factor. Again, I feel like identifying yourself leads to value and then, like back and forth, they kind of like go in and with one another, which is why it was like nice to have like the you know back-to-back episodes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a juggle. It's a juggle and it's a. It's a good juggle. Yeah, it's a good juggle.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a good juggle. Yeah, definitely, because like who you identify, as is definitely like where I feel like you'll seek a lot of value from you know. For me like I think I don't know. I guess I'll ask you first like how do you value yourself, like what things give you value in life?
Speaker 1:What things give me value in life? I would say my family, first and foremost. Uh, with them I have everything. Without them I am nothing. Um so, and my parents have just created this environment. It is actually literally yesterday. I was talking to my mother and she said uh, I she's like listen, you're not a drug addict and you're not a stripper, even though they make really good money.
Speaker 1:So I'm not knocking that it's a profession right, I I'm, whatever you do, I'm gonna be proud of you. I'm not gonna like yeah, I'm like the bar is so low, but it's just that. Um, that that's probably what gives me value, is just yeah, yeah, I guess it's like whatever you choose to do a little bit.
Speaker 2:You have to really like think about it. I know one thing that like gives me a lot of value is like doing other like things for other people. And you think, in whatever walks of life it is whether it be like as a coach or as like a professional, and stuff like as a coach or as like a professional and stuff like that like if someone is like you go out of your way to help someone else like that gives me a lot of value. That I don't think I would necessarily be able to just get like living my own life.
Speaker 1:Maybe I don't know, I feel like it's a really like tough question to be like what. What gives you value?
Speaker 2:I guess yeah taking care of myself self-love self care. That's huge for me too like I am taking care of people behind me, yeah, yeah or like I make sure I get like self-care stuff done every day because that's so, so instrumental in my life and I feel like if I don't do it my mental health is like down the drain that's fair.
Speaker 1:Like you have like a certain, I know I have like a certain order of doing and that kind of keeps me on my lane. Yeah, but yeah, this is a great talk. This is awesome Guys, just remember that you have inherent value. Whatever stressor you're going through, whatever pressure is on you, whether it's from family, friends, coworkers you are not your job, you are not your sport. You are you and that is enough. Yeah, we'll see you guys next time.
