Things I would Tell My Younger Self

In this lively episode of the Red Lips Real Talk podcast, the hosts welcome listeners to the first episode of season two. They dive into a heartfelt discussion about the lessons they wish they could impart to their younger selves, covering themes of self-worth, setting boundaries, the importance of self-care, and avoiding the pitfalls of toxic relationships. They share personal stories, offer valuable advice, and highlight the significance of mentorship and financial prudence. The episode is an emotional rollercoaster, blending humor with deep vulnerability, illustrating the importance of embracing life's messiness while continuously striving for personal growth.

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Transcript

You are listening to the Red Lips Real Talk podcast where we talk about life, love, and everything in between. You already know it's time to get real. 

Welcome back, ladies to Red Lips Real Talk season two. Hey, hey, we're back, baby. Yes, we are. We're so excited to be back with new shows. Re-energized and ready to tackle each new episode. With some sazon completa. Nice, Hay salon completa makes everything taste better.  Si es Goya tiene qua ser bueno.

But before we begin our season two episode, I just wanted to let our listeners know that the beautiful Jessica and Davies are not with us here today because they're out here doing this thing that we call Life. Life. Yes. But the door is always open. Ladies, we miss you. It's a little weird without you girls here. 

We miss you guys. Yeah, we miss you. But you know what? I know you'll, you'll be back. You will be back. So without further ado, let's get this thing started, ladies. Let's go. 

If I could go back and talk to my younger self, the one who was taught that Vick's Vapor rub could cure everything and thought arguing with my mom was a good idea, I sit myself down, hand me a cafecito and say, Miha, listen. 

Because the truth is Latina moms try to warn us in their own way with sweater. No, it's no, but you know us, we gotta learn things the hard way, if you know what I mean. So in today's episode, it's all about the things we wish we knew back then, the lessons that only time could teach us. Hey ladies. Hey Mariza. 

Hey Mariza. That was wonderful and beautiful. Thank you for saying that. I didn't expect you to be so poetic, but I'm realizing in my friendship with you that you are quite poetic, my friend. Give me a pen and paper and yes, I put my thoughts down. Well, I agreed with everything that you said and I was, uh, thinking in my head when you said no is no. 

Mm-hmm. That is absolutely true and I feel like young ladies should know. The power in that and also entrusting your gut. Yeah. There's a beauty in having that woman's intuition. Mm-hmm. So if you walk into a room and you don't feel comfortable in that room, it doesn't matter. If you feel like you're being rude, leave don't. 

If you don't feel comfortable, you could be rude. Leave. Because if you, that woman's intuition or no is no that. That's very powerful. Don't you think? Absolutely. No is a complete sentence. No is a complete sentence. Oh. You don't need to give reasons why? No. So in today's show, that's what we wanna focus on. 

You know, we don't really have a lot of young listeners, but maybe we have a lot of moms listening to us who are trying to talk to their young daughters. And you know, sometimes your daughters don't wanna listen to you 'cause you're a mom. But maybe you could say MHA next time you go for a run or you go to the gym. 

Can you do me a favor? Can you listen to this episode on Red Lips? Real Talk? It's about the things that we wish we would've told ourselves when we were younger, and maybe they'll listen to us because I really feel like today's show is gonna be full of. Good intentions and looking out for our young women. 

Absolutely. Because there's a lot of things that we wish we would've known when we were younger. Oh my God. Yeah. Oh, and you know, I, I hate when people say, oh, live your life without regrets. Come on. We all have regrets. We all have things that we didn't do or could have said differently or not done at all. 

And if I could go back. Would I change a lot of things? Probably not because it's a butterfly effect. Yeah. You know? But there are a few things that I, I definitely wouldn't have said to people. Like, sometimes you don't have to say everything that you're thinking. Right. Or every feeling that you're having, it's like keep it to yourself. 

That is so true. Because words, they are powerful. Mm-hmm. And you can't take them back. No. Yeah. And there, there have been situations where I've, you know, I was a hothead, you know, and I get upset or angry or disappointed, and then I'm an emotional girl. An emotional woman. So then if somebody hurt my feelings or I took something the wrong way, I would just blurt out what I was feeling. 

That has consequences. Yeah. Yeah. So if you are that type of person, bite your tongue. Walk away to five. Count to five. Count to five, go to the bathroom. Relax. Don't say it because trust me, it's not worth it. I'm all about peace now, you know? Mm-hmm. Calm, collective that comes with age. Yeah. But I go, I, I saw a video of a lady saying, I'm all about peace and light, but I will peace and light fire to your asses. 

Calm at me. She's like, 'cause you, you gotta stand up for yourself. Right. You're not gonna just let things slide, but there's a way to do it. Yeah. You can be respectful, right? You can be, you know, an adult about things, but definitely stand up for yourself. Oh yeah. So I was like, oh, that's a, that's a good little, 'cause we say, stand up for yourself, fight back, protect yourself. 

And we, when we are young, we automatically think that, oh no, I'm not gonna let you talk to me like that. And boom, we just say all kinds of things to get at this person, right? Mm-hmm. To hurt them where you know, where we know it's gonna hurt them. Not realizing that in the end it's gonna really, really hurt and sometimes can damage if you're not trying to damage your friendship. 

Maybe you're having an argument, but you're so angry with your friend right now, you're just saying things. Mm-hmm. And. You can't take what you said back, even though you mm-hmm. Really didn't mean it, or it there that's gonna just linger. Right. And I, I've had that experience. I know. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what, if you feel like saying, if you know in the core of you that you should say, I'm sorry, say I'm sorry. 

Right? Mm-hmm. Put, put your pride to the side. Um, you know, if you have to put your tail between your legs, you know, if. If you know that you messed up, just go and you apologize to your friend, to your spouse, to your boss, to your coworker, uh, if you had a moment of unclarity, right? It's, that's actually not a sign of weakness. 

That's a sign of maturity and growing up, and I don't know what's the right word to use here, but it's, it shows that you like care too. Yeah. You know, so saying I'm sorry is never accountability. It's never weakness. It's actually. Showing that you're pretty strong mm-hmm. To look like, to look within yourself in your, in the mirror and see, wow, these are things about me that are not good. 

Or, or a toxic trait that's you evolving and growing and becoming a better version of yourself. Right, exactly. You know, um, you know, I was thinking about, 'cause when we were planning for this show, there's so many things that I researched, but I don't know, I can only speak for myself obviously, but. If I could go back in time, I think one of the first things I would do is say, and I'm about to talk to myself in third person, but I would say, Jasmine, there's nothing wrong with you. 

You are beautiful exactly the way that you are. Be kinder to yourself and believe in yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. I had severe low self-esteem and I always felt like I wasn't good enough. It sucks to grow up like that. Right. It sucks to feel that way. Mm-hmm. It took me years to really like who I am. 

I wish I would've liked myself when I was 15. Maybe I would've, um, made, I would've gone for it. 'cause there was so, so many things I wanted to do and I didn't do 'em. 'cause I didn't think I could or I didn't think I was good enough. Mm-hmm. Now I'm almost gonna be 49 and I'm like, oh my God, you would've been great at that. 

You know? At 16, 17. Yeah. I wasn't, I wasn't there. So if you're young and you're actually listening to us, first of all, thank you. But I hope you, I hope you really listen to those words. 'cause I, it makes me sad. Yeah. Like I want this to be an uplifting show, but there's gonna be vulnerable moments, I think, for all of us where we realize, wow. 

Like I think the meanest people to us is ourselves. Ourselves, ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And those stories that you tell yourself are not true. No, remember that? Oh yeah. They're not true. Yeah. We always tell ourselves stories about ourselves. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I was reading online, uh, something really powerful that said if you treat yourself with love and you treat yourself with dignity and respect, guess what? 

The people that are gonna be around you are gonna love you are gonna respect you, and. You know, they're gonna treat you good. Right. But if you don't believe those things about you, maybe inadvertently you're attracting people who aren't good for you. Mm-hmm. And that's what you think you deserve. Whether it's a friendship or worse a relationship. 

Because if it's a relationship, oh my, you know, ladies, that can completely destroy your life. Yeah. You know? Oh yeah. I mean, going back to the standing up for yourself. I think for me as a young girl, I didn't do enough of that. I didn't do enough of standing for up for myself. But as I've gotten older, no, I do. 

If you don't mind me asking, do you have an example of something? No, I just, there's things that I just. Don't tolerate that. I, before it was just things that I did. It's just, um, I don't, I mean, I'm not gonna give an example. No, that's okay. That's okay. It's too, that's too, uh, deep. Okay. Okay. But yeah, there's, there's big difference when I was younger to now. 

Okay. Yeah. As far as boundaries and standing up for myself, um, no longer fitting in spaces that I don't feel comfortable in. But you just did it right now. What do you mean? I. You said boundaries, right? Yeah. So I asked you a question and you were like, I'm not gonna, like maybe the younger, you would've given an example. 

Oh, maybe because you felt like, oh, I don't wanna be rude. Jasmine asked me a question. Right. Let me answer it because I don't wanna be rude. And now you're like. I'm not gonna do that. Yeah. And that's, that's a perfect example inadvertently of how you took your Exactly. You took your power back. Yeah. I mean, it's okay to say no. 

Right. As growing up and Hispanic parents, you know, they teach us to respect our elders. Mm-hmm. Respect, you know, everybody. And that's kind of how I grew up. You know, just respect and, you know, people would say things to me or, you know, lecture me. Mm-hmm. I would just listen because you're not supposed to talk back to, right. 

Because you're not supposed to talk back, you know, and all that kind of, but, um, as I got older, I mean, there's just certain people where I'm, I already know, you know, you know, okay. Mm. I'm not gonna go there. Or, you know, you. I'm still polite about it. 'cause I'm not mean. No, you're not. You're super kind. You always have to, there's not a, yeah, I can't be mean. 

That's why I love you, even though I try. Well, you are the, you're, let's be real, like you're the sweet one. But I do it in a most respectful way. I do get myself out of situations where I'm like, this is not for me. This is not, you know, this is not healthy for me or this. Specific person is just a certain way where I'm kind of like, no. 

I mean that's, I don't want my energy to be sucked out by this person. Yeah. You know, when you're having a conversation. So I limit my time with certain people now. Okay. That goes with friends, that goes with family that you know. Yeah. So. I do that a lot more and now that I'm even older, 40 plus. I mean, yeah. 

It's even more so now. Well, I think once you start touching 50, yeah. Your tolerance is up. Oh, you're done. You're done. Absolutely. Yeah. You know, you put up with a lot of stuff when you're a teenager. Uh, insecurities play a, a big role in Yeah. Not having healthy boundaries. I don't know, like my twenties were beautiful when it came to like. 

Physical, like, you know, the outer beauty and stuff, but I was, I was really trying to figure it out. Yeah. Every day was like, what do I do? I was, I was very, um, lost. Mm-hmm. But it was worse because I was already married with kids and I was kind of like going through it and I was like, man, I always, I always thought that I wasn't doing it right, that I wasn't being. 

I don't wanna say that I, I knew I was a good mother. I knew I was a loving mother, but I always doubted if I was a good mom, like, am I doing it right? Right. You know? Um, I think I did. I was, I was worried. I think I did though. Yeah. I was worried if I was gonna be a good mom. Yeah. You did. What? I, I think I, I think now that I'm older, I realize, you know what? 

You did a good job on me. Yeah, you did. You did a job. You, you did an amazing job. Thank you so much. I think I did a good job. That I, I felt so lost a little bit. Yeah. I didn't know what I was doing. Was your childhood, like your mom constantly Not negative, I guess. Mm-hmm. Like you, everything you did was wrong, or did you hear that a lot like. 

Do better be better? Hmm. That's a very touchy subject because I didn't expect that question, but I'm gonna be honest. Well, no, that's okay. I wanna first say I love my mom very much and I respect my mother. And my relationship with my mother's Day is night and day. However, I think my mother was also going through it. 

There was poverty. She had two jobs, she was tired. So I have to also understand that she was alone. She didn't have a. Financial stability. So I, I understand that side of it, but my mom wasn't very nurturing. She wasn't the type to hug me and kiss me and tell me, I'm proud of you. I love you. Um, I did feel like there were many times where I felt like I wasn't, I was always chubby and overweight and I look back at pictures and I was like, I wasn't. 

I was, I was normal. But that's how you thought back then. But no, but it was also because I did hear from my mom that, you know, things like that. I didn't, I, I never felt like, okay, let's be honest, I wanted to be an actress. That was always something that I wanted to do. And literally my mom told me, Jasmine, you really need to get a, a real job because let's be honest, like you're not, that you're not pretty enough to be an actress. 

Yeah. That's, that's a thing though. Yeah. It's not surprising growing up in a Latin Yes. Right. Household to get that. Yes. And, and, um, but see, I think two years ago, if you would've asked me that question, I would've been bawling by now. And now I can talk about it and not be crying because I, I remember, okay, so this is getting really deep, but, um, I remember having an epiphany. 

About my relationship with my mom and being a Latina household and how she treated my brother, like how she treated my brother was like, he could do no wrong. Oh. Oh gosh. Don't even get me know that. I know that Latina mom and their sons. Okay. I had four, but I remember my, my mom and I had a very tumultuous, uh, mother and daughter relationship for years. 

Today is wonderful. And I'm so glad that our, that it's this way. Um, but anyway, I remember one day my mom. Oh man. She was just drilling, drilling and drilling, you know, and we were in the car. It was already a grown ass woman, like full fledged. Okay. I'm like 38 years old at this point and we're in the car and she's saying some stupid shit to me and I'm like, Hey mom, can you give me a compliment anything? 

Is there anything that I do? Right. Is there anything that you like about me? 'cause I really need to hear it right now. There was such an awkward silence in the car. I don't, I think my mom was shocked. She was shocked. And she said, Jasmine, you, you make people very happy and you throw so many beautiful parties in your house and the whole family comes and you bring so much joy to the family. 

And I was like, thanks mom. They, because Yeah, they don't, 'cause honestly, growing up Yeah, they, they didn't get that. They didn't, they didn't for whatever reason. Yeah. Did she have brothers? So, oh my God. We're like really getting deep here. Well, no, I don't wanna get deep. Well, no, it's okay. You know what's yes or no? 

Let's, let's get vulnerable here. Um, that tapped into me wanting to figure out why my mom is like that. Hmm. And come to find out. Make a very long story short, my mother was kidnapped as a child, right? And did, did not know her family, um, for her, her most critical development years. Um, and by the time she went back to live with her biological family, she was 13 and she didn't know them right? 

So she never felt like she really belonged anywhere and she had severe childhood trauma. So I think that. My mother did the best that she could given her circumstances. Absolutely. Which opened up the gateway for me to forgive, to understand, to love unconditionally, and to say, mommy, it's okay. I love you. 

You did the best that you could. Let's move forward. Right. And today my mom does not hang up the phone without telling me. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And that to me is the best ending to this conversation because. Um, no family is perfect. Uh, but all of us have a little bit of story. All of our families have stories. Oh, yeah. 

Yeah. You know, everybody has a story that happens to be mine, which I didn't think was gonna happen, but, um, it's the truth. And growing up in a Latina household, let me tell you, it's not for the week. It's not. No, because I had the same, like my mom, I, I grew up with four brothers. I was the only girl, and my mom was very stern, very strong. 

Um, I don't remember being coddled or hugged like that, you know? Yeah. She would say she loved me, but it was, if you, if you were to describe my household now, you'd say it's toxic. You would co in, in this day and age, it would be considered a toxic household. Because of all the yelling all the time, all the stuff that was going, so, yeah, I grew up with, with that. 

So I didn't really get much compliments either, so that's why I, I get it. 'cause, but my younger brother was the prince and he could do no wrong. You know, the older brothers were a little out there. I don't know why they were very out there, so they were always getting in trouble. Yeah. So. For me, I was not able to do anything, as you ladies know. 

So I was very, I guess you, you could say closed in, you know, I didn't really have that much of a love and affection like this day and age. You would, you would see like there's that thing that's going around with, um, this video on TikTok. The gentle parenting. I don't know if you've seen it. Mm-hmm. I don't get it. 

Yeah. I was like, well, my household did not have gentle parenting. Oh, me neither. No. Yeah. And, and, and, and here's the thing that's very sensitive, because there may be people listening to us thinking that we're advocating for your to hit your children and stuff. We're not advocating that, but that's how we grew up, right? 

I, I got hit and I didn't get hit with a, a little spanking. I mean, I got hit with belts. Hard stuff. Like I, my skin would, well, like whatever was in the hand, whatever was near them, that hand got thrown at me. Me was coming at you. Yeah. You know, and then I see my mom. With her grandchildren and the her. Oh, night and day. 

You're like, day you, who the fuck are you?  I was like, what? Who are you? Houdini. I know. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. But I'm glad that we're, you know, it's weird. I didn't think this was gonna happen 'cause we prepared for this show and yeah, this, but that's the beauty of podcast, that it's truth serum. Um, and I don't regret what I'm saying. I, I, I don't regret it at all because it's the truth and, um, it was very painful for me and I think that, that, you know what I'm gonna say, I think that's what made me a good mom now that I'm thinking about it, because I wasn't a perfect mother and I was a young mother, but I was not going to let my daughters not feel I. 

Loved. Right. I was constantly hugging them. I was constantly telling them, you are so beautiful. Mm-hmm. You are so pretty. You are so smart. Oh my God. Look what you did. You are like, ama, like, I was like their cheerleader. Right. I and, and I think that when you speak to your children like that, there's a, there's a beauty and a power behind that that is. 

It cannot be explained. So if you're listening, it's like if you're mad at your kid right now, get over it. Call your kid and say, yeah, I'm disappointed, but I love you and I'm proud of you and I know communication right now is not, is not the best, but let's work on it. Like the power of positivity and unconditional love will heal everything. 

Yeah. A lot of times you do see the older kids getting along with parents 'cause. They understand more. Mm-hmm. And you understand more. Yeah. Yeah. So you can have that communication. Yeah. And sometimes I think, oh God, do I overshare with my daughters? You know, not my adult daughters, you know, but I like that they, they know me like they know. 

When mommy's sad or when mommy's really happy and excited. Mm-hmm. And they know when I'm off. Right. They know when I'm off and they're like, mom, you, you know all this. And No, I'm fine. I'm fine. And my oldest, my first, my, my first born, um, she'll be like. No. And then I'll be like, 

but it's, it's incredible how, um, when you build that healthy foundation as a mom, especially with your female daughters, right. Um, it could be very powerful and a beautiful thing. Yeah. One of the things I did learn was that you don't have to be like your parents. Growing up, you think that's how it should be? 

'cause that's what we see. It's learned behavior. Learned behavior, behavior. Yeah. So you wanna break the cycle. Like, I was like, I'm not gonna be like that. Don't get me wrong. I have my moments. I'm a lot like my mother. There's a, I'm a lot like her in a lot of ways when it comes to being strong and stern. 

Mm-hmm. Um, and if you get me mad, yeah. I'm gonna yell. Yeah. That comes out sometimes. But I, you know, I try not to be, I. Me having my daughter and having the kids, it was just like, okay, I'm not gonna be like that. Yeah. That version. Yeah. I wanna be a little bit more, um, loving, right. Like you said. So yeah. 

Breaking, remembering that as you grow up, you don't, if there's toxic traits that you have in your family that you don't have to take that along, you can break the cy, that cycle. Oh, you could absolutely break that cycle. Yeah. I think that some of the things that have been really rewarding for me is, um, I started mentoring some young ladies in my life. 

I'm not gonna say their names, um, but that was very rewarding. And actually I'm going to one of those ladies wedding. Nice. This, uh, weekend. Wow. And I think about when she came into my life. Where she is today. I was a very small part of her development, a very, 'cause she did that, she did it. She put in the work and obviously she has other people around her too. 

But to this day, she always sends me messages for Christmas, Thanksgiving, mother's Day. She always tells me, thank you so much for everything you've done for me. Um, and I don't do it. I don't do it for, uh. Recognition. I swear to God I don't, I do it because I wish I had that when I was younger. Right. And I feel like if you have the power to mentor a young person in your life, there's there the feeling of that is so beautiful and so rewarding. 

Um, um, it's priceless. It is. 'cause I grew up in the Big Brother, big sister program. Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. It was. Amazing having other people. 'cause you know, growing up with your parents, you're like, ah, my parents blah. Yeah. But when you have someone else come in your life and they're older and they're sharing and they're teaching you things, yeah. 

It, it was very impactful for me. And, and I, I enjoyed it. Yeah. A lot. Yeah. I mean, sometimes you, I try to like connect with the younger generation, even if it's like. Through very, very far away lens. 'cause you know, we grew up in the nineties and we grew up with no social media, barely any computers. We had beepers and we thought we were cool. 

Um, and now their world is just like a completely different world. So sometimes you, you do sound old, you, you do sound outdated, you know? But I still do believe in the core fundamentals of life. Mm-hmm. You know, like you say, tell me who you're hanging out with and I'm gonna tell you who you are. Like, those are classics, you know? 

But, um, I don't know. I, I, I also feel like we need to get more modernized. I was just thinking the same thing. Yeah. 'cause I'm, I. Feel like I have a little bit of my mom and a little bit of my dad in me. Um, there's certain things in my mind, I guess growing up, thinking to myself, I guess what can I do to create this family unity? 

Right? I guess that that will was going through my head all the time, but um, as my kids got older, now that you're talking about the. Modern world. My daughter has taught me a lot of things. Having deep conversations with her because she's been able to express to me, I guess, I mean, I don't know if I would call them flaws. 

Maybe Mommy, you are like this or, but not in a mean way. You know what I mean? We have these conversations and she's like, you know, you do this or you do that, and it makes me feel like this kind of thing. Okay. And it's. Um, it's blown my mind because I'm like, oh, I guess I do. Yeah, I do do that. But, um, trying to, I'm trying to understand her because I feel like the pe the kids today, the generation today, they're, it's so different. 

Mm-hmm. And I'm constantly trying to understand it. Mm-hmm. You know, because I, I want to understand it. I'm not trying to be that parent like, well no, this is just the way it is. You know, this is how things are, because that's what they said to us. Right, exactly. Yeah. So I'm, I just continue. It's a constant for me, like trying to understand, you know, I guess with communication, but I've always been good with communicating, so, but she's taught me a lot. 

She's only 18. I think I've learned a lot from her about myself and how I am. Yeah, but they hold us accountable, don't they? Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do. They do. They hold us accountable. My daughters have done the same. Something similar. Yeah. And they've said, mom, you're A, B, C, D, E, F, G. And I'm like, no, I'm not. 

And they're like, oh yeah. And then they come with facts. Receipts. Receipt. Exactly. Mom, they do remember this day and this day and when you said this, and when you did that, and when you did this. And I'm like. Go to sleep. You're grounded. No, you're grounded. You know, and, and it's like they're holding you accountable. 

My daughter's 21 and I'm like, you're grounded. Stop. She looks at and I'm like, I know you're not, but you're grounded. Don't, don't. In my brain. 

I know my mom used to say, oh my God. Oh, I, I have that here. You too. Yes, I do. I used to say that. That's why I think that's why I am such a, um, like I would say what's on my mind. Yeah, yeah. Like with no hesitation. Sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it's not. I think I needed to be told that many times to be quite honest with you, but I'm, I'm really happy that we're doing this show. 

I hope that you guys are enjoying this show because I think one of the things that we told ourselves even on the vision board is that we wanted to. Be more vulnerable. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And that we wanna talk to talk about things that, and I didn't expect this, like I have guys, I literally have a whole list here of all the things that we're supposed to talk about. 

And it was none of the shit that we're talking about. Well, I mean, we are talking about our younger self, but you know what I mean? Like, we, we got deep there a little bit, you know? But, um, I, I guess that's good because it teaches that life is, life is lifeing, it's not perfect. Right. We're doing, you know what, if you're young and you're listening to us, first of all, thank you. 

But if you're really listening to us, it's like, guys, we make mistakes. Yeah. Yeah. We're, we don't know. Sometimes, like we don't know what the hell we're doing and we're winging it and we're sometimes mommy and poppy are just doing the best that they can. Yeah. What are some things that you, you wish you knew your younger self going into as far as relationships go? 

Like what would you tell yourself at 20? In regards to relationships. Oh my goodness. That's a, that, that's a complicated one. But I do have a, I do have what? Any relationship. Oh, any relationship. Yeah. No, of course. You mean friendship, relationship. Well, I'm gonna take it on a, if you are in a relationship with, with somebody. 

Mm-hmm. Um, I read this today and I, and I made it a point to write it down because I love the way this person said it. Um, he said, love is not the cause of commitment. The effect. So I was like, well, what does that mean? And he said, you don't wait until you have the perfect relationship because that doesn't exist. 

You commit to the person in order to create the perfect relationship for you Both. I think for me would be, um, it might sound bad when I say it out loud, but. Not to give so much of myself up. Okay. Um, yeah, I feel like I gave a lot of, of myself up, and I feel like you shouldn't, you should hold onto some of your, you know, whatever it is that you like. 

You know, the, I get it. The, I think I gave up a lot of myself. I understand that because, and I feel like you should hold onto certain things. You know, if you like to go out to dinner with your friends, if you, you know, keep constant with that. Keep constant with the things that you enjoy. Don't give those things up. 

Find time for yourself. Yeah. You know, prioritize yourself. That's important. Yeah. It's very important. I, I mean, I see it now and I do it now, but I think as, as my younger self, I feel like. And I, I think we all tend to do that. We put ourselves kinda. In the back burner because especially as parents, yeah, as parents, right. 

As a mother, you know, you, you take care, you're taking care of your family, you're taking care of your children. Um, you know, you nurture and so you kind just consume yourself with that. But I see people that, that do it, you know, they find time for themselves and I'm like, man, I wish I would've been more like that. 

Right. So. I guess that that's what I would tell myself, my younger self, you know, is just, yeah, don't give up so much of yourself. Keep that good stuff to yourself too. Yeah. Hold onto that good stuff. Hold onto the good stuff. I think one, for me, red flags don't turn green just because you're patient. Mm-hmm. 

If you notice a lot of red flags early on in a relationship, absolutely. Take the cue, walk away, right? Yeah. I mean that's exactly about like trusting your first painting, trusting your gut. Like your gut is almost never wrong. And fixing someone is not a love language. Oh, no, no, no. You can't fix anybody. No, it's not, it, it's not your responsibility to fix a broken person. 

Exactly. So if you have that in your mind, like, oh, I can't, no. Yeah, no. Did you guys watch the, um, the white Lotus? No. Oh, I've only watched the first season. Yeah, first season. Okay. So don't spoil it for me because I'm still watching it. I'm not, I'm still gonna to give it a chance. I'm gonna try really hard not to spoil it. 

I may, I may have to spoil it to give this quote, but I'll do it as best as I can on the third season. There's a couple. Okay. The guy's name is Rick. Okay. And I forgot the girlfriend's name. She's really young. She's super cute. Um, anyway, uh, Rick is really messed up. He's got a lot of problems. Okay? He's, he's a broken soul, and the girlfriend, like dying here, not remembering her name, but. 

She loves him so much and she does pretty much every episode. All she tries to do is smother him with love, support him, uplift him, and give him all the tools that you would wanna give someone to empower them to be a happier person. Okay. And she's, you know, she's so in love with him. Mm-hmm. Um, here's where I'm gonna spoil, spoil it, so I'm so sorry. 

But, um, she ends up dying. Oh wow. Because of it in his arms. It's devastating. It's devastating. And I remember watching that scene and I was just like, how many women do this? They stay in a relationship with a guy or a girl or a guy stays with a girl. It could be either way, right? Either way. Give the best years of their life, 8, 9, 10, 12 years, and of their best years of their life, thinking that this guy's gonna change and that you can fix him, and it's not your fucking problem. 

Right? Don't kill yourself. Whether it's, it's metaphorically. Because metaphorically, you die by giving this person the best years of your life. And if you're a young lady listening right now, I hate to break it to you. You got a good 20 years if you're lucky. Mm-hmm. That's all your twenties and your thirties after that shit gets real. 

Right? Okay. So if you're in a relationship with somebody and thinking that he's gonna change or she's gonna change and things are gonna get better, and it's been eight years, Molly, you in danger, girl, it is not gonna happen. Molly. Don't do it, Molly. Don't do. Molly don't do it. And he doesn't. He or she doesn't deserve that much time. 

No. And it's not your responsibility to fix him or to change him or change her. It's not your problem. Right. But people make it their problem and then before you know it, you're like, oh, but I don't wanna waste, I've been with him since I was 20, I'm 28. I was like, my answer to that, I was like, you wanna be 38? 

Right, because that's how fast it goes. Oh yeah. And then he finds somebody who's 25 and that's the one he marries and gets the vacations and the house two and the wedding ring. And you're 38. And that's the one that gave him the baby. That's right. Real talk right there. Real talk shit happened. No, we're gonna get, we're gonna I'm sorry, but that made me mad. 

Yeah. Because how many people do that? I even did a TikTok about that two years ago where I said, how many young women out here are, are playing the wife role? You know, you're playing the wife role for free, right? And then you have people saying, oh, I don't need that piece of paper. The fuck You don't. Oh no, the fuck you don't. 

That little piece of paper that you think doesn't matter. It matters in the court of law. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. It does. Okay. So don't you're gonna wash his clothes, cook for him, be all you better make sure you gotta ring and that you're married. Why I don't need the piece of paper. Okay, baby. Okay. Jennifer, Beyonce said it. 

Put a ring on it. Put a ring on it. So what's something you swore you'd never do when you were younger and you totally do now? Jasmine? Me Easy. Married, anybody? Married. Married and kids. First thing I said, I'm never getting married because I didn't have a positive. Yeah, like I didn't have positive marriage. 

I used to tell my mom, mom, she used to get very angry. No, everybody in my life was divorced, raising kids by themselves, and I was like that I'm, I'm not gonna get married for a while. For him to leave me and have me raising kids by myself, unfortunately. That was what I grew up. Yeah. I grew up only seeing broken homes, so to me it was like I'm never getting married and I'm never having kids. 

I used to say the same and here I am. Here I am, and I became a stay at home mom with a podcast and I still use Your are older now. So Yeah, it's podcast. I still use VIX for everything. I still use VIX for everything. You feel sick? Oh, VIX. Lemme get the Vix. Can I play? My daughter's like, no, mom. No. It's funny that you say that because the other day I heard this comedian on Instagram and she was talking about that. 

I'm gonna play it for you guys. Listen to this. Trying to explain therapy to Latino parents. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. That hit you right in the trauma right there, man. I was like, I cannot sign on, on away. Depression. 

Not how that work.  If you don't know what sana sana is, allow me to explain 

for those that don't know, Latinos have this thing that we say when like little kids get hurt rhyme, make it feel better. You know what I mean? 

You're all healed. 

Oh my God, I, I saw that. She's hilarious. But, and I like, I like, uh, laughter, obviously. I, I like to laugh, so I love the, you know, good and bad of social media, but I think some of the good things of social media iss that you get introduced to so many amazing Latino people in the community that are doing great things. 

And whether they're actresses or comedians or poets or writers, or authors, or. Political figures. It's nice to see, you know, things like that, in my opinion as I saw her and I was like, oh my, she's really funny. Oh, and she tells a story like that and you're like, man, yeah. You're like, that's how we grew. It wasn't just me. 

It wasn't all of us. But doesn't that make you feel like Yeah, that's why I think it's really nice that we, whether we have one person listening to us, or 200, you know, um, you know, when we get our feedback from the, from our listeners. And they're like, oh man, when I was listening to your show, like I, that's exactly how I feel. 

There's a beauty in that, that you don't feel alone, that you're like, oh, it's not just me, me. And that's why I love doing Red Lips Real talk because we do get real, I think we're getting even more real with each show, but our, lemme tell you, our listeners and our fans, like you guys have no idea how much you mean to us. 

We wouldn't be here without you. Yeah. Maritza, you were showing me earlier today on your little cue cards, there's some little quotes you wanna read. Some of them. Be yourself. Don't be afraid to try new things. Don't be afraid to fail. You can't take back words. Choose them wisely. Fear of being abandoned makes you hold on too tightly. 

It's okay to let go take things one day at a time. I like this one. Rejection is sometimes redirection. That's true. Self-care is more than bubble baths. Taking time to practice self-care is not selfish. Forgive, holding onto hate just hurts you in the long run. Run exercise. Move your body as much as you can. 

One day you won't be able to. Don't let today be that day. Move your body. Amen. Mm-hmm. I think move your body for anybody younger. Take care of your body when you're young, you know, you brought up, yeah. So you can be feeling good when you're older. Mm-hmm. That's very important. You brought up, uh, the failure one, right? 

Yes. Okay, so I have one written here. I hope you don't mind me jumping in, but it said here, failure is not trying, not taking risk when you're younger and failure is doing absolutely nothing. It is. No one's responsibility to save yourself. And you can't blame others for your failures because that is your responsibility. 

And I remember reading that and I wrote it down 'cause I was like, it's true. Like there's a lot of things that I wanted to do when I was younger. I didn't believe in myself. So I know that was the main thing, but I should have tried. It makes me sad that I didn't even try. So that's why now in this stage of my life, I wanna try everything, right? 

I, I almost never say no unless it's a boundary I'm not willing to cross or makes me uncomfortable. And I'm like, that's a non-negotiable. But almost always I say yes. Now I'll, yeah, I'll try that. I don't think I'm gonna like it, but I'll try it. Okay, I'll, I'll go see that movie. That movie doesn't look like something I would normally watch, but I'll watch that movie. 

Yeah, sure. I'll go out to dinner with that couple that I've never met before. You know what I mean? Like it's, it could be simple things like that, but I'm trying to not say no because I wanna try. Yeah. So I know we talked about relationship and. You know, our parenting somewhat and our self-worth. What are some financial advice you would've given yourself at 20? 

I. Save. Oh, right. Oh my God. I spent everything. God, I would think it'd be like I have an Amazon addiction. I have them, uh, for your younger self. Right, right. Okay. Tell your younger self. We didn't have Amazon back then. No, we didn't, but I think it, can you believe it? Open up money market account and put $50 a month in there, like $5 for the rest of your life if you're 20 years old. 

$5. Yes. Hold on a second. But I think. The kids today are a little bit smarter in that aspect. I agree. Yeah, they are. Because I look at my kids and they say these things and I'm like, man, I wasn't thinking like that at that age. But some kids are not. No, kids are, are not. Kids are not, not, some kids are like, oh, I'm young. 

Party it up. Spend my money. Yeah. No. If you, if you're, if you have a job and you're making money, you may not be paying rent at home, but save that money. Like my daughter, she always has money. I'm like, where are you getting this money from? She knows how to save. Yeah. She's gonna be like her daddy. 'cause her my husband knows how to save. 

Yeah. A lot of kids. A lot of young kids. But when she talks about money, it's like, I'm like, man, I was not, I was not thinking like that at that age. No. So I think the kids today are a little different when it comes to financials, but what I would tell myself is exactly that. Save. You know, put some money away every week, every time you get that paycheck put, that's safer rent. 

Well, I would tell myself to risk because I can, because I have youth on my side. Mm-hmm. It's harder to risk when you're 49 years old. Mm-hmm. It's a lot easier to risk when you're 21 jump into the stock market. Right. Even if you like, I realize that when you fail, when you fail terribly, when you've lost. 

You're gonna get back up again. Yeah. It's easier to learn and recover from that. And learn from it and, and make money off of that when you're young. Not so much when you're 50. Yeah. Right. So, you know, those, those are some of the things that we can tell you. I don't know if you're gonna listen, but there's a reason why we're telling you this. 

Mm-hmm. That term saving for a rainy day is real. Like, is real. Yeah. It's real storms. Are coming. Mm-hmm. They always come. Mm-hmm. Murphy is real. Murphy's Was that Murphy's Law something? If something bad could happen, it will happen. Yeah. Yeah. And that's So saving for that is for sure very important. And all that nagging that your parents are giving you is coming from a good place. 

Oh yeah. Yeah. Like start investing. Yeah. If you're 20 and even if it's $5, you ain't gonna miss $5. You're not, yeah. You know, it's funny because when we were, uh, preparing for our show, uh, we were like, oh, like all getting all these notes together of like, oh, what were the things we would say when we were younger and Mariza? 

What would you say, Monica, would, you would say? And then that's the beauty of podcasts is like you. You think you know what you're gonna say, but then truth starts and you start talking about all these other things that we, we didn't even think that we were gonna tap into. Yeah. Um, that were kind of vulnerable. 

But, um, I hope that you're still here and listening and that you've enjoyed our show and that you feel like you've learned from some of the vulnerable moments that we've shared on the show inadvertently. And, uh, some of the quotes that, that we were inspired that we found online. And, uh, Maritza, I. I wanted you to read what you read to us earlier today because I think it's a nice way to end this show, even though it's been a little bit of a lot of feelings that we didn't think we were gonna bring up. 

But I think it's a beautiful way to end it, if you don't mind. Sure. When I was putting together my notes for this episode, I thought to myself, what if I was really able to hand myself a cheat sheet to the missteps in my life or mantras or some guide to follow my later life? My life would look so different Perhaps. 

Maybe I would've dodged some bullets, but then I wouldn't be who I am today. Who says, giving yourself the wisdom of today at 40 can make things easier or better. I still don't have life figured out. I'm still learning and growing through stages of my life and knowing myself. I probably wouldn't have listened to myself anyways. 

So let me tell you something. Life doesn't come with a manual. I. And even if it did, we'd probably ignore it anyway. There is no whisper from the future that can prepare you every laugh, every heartbreak. Every twist of drama is part of your story, like a gut novella. You never know what's coming next. Some days life will sloppy like a enc letta flying across the room. 

You'll feel tired, frustrated, maybe even a little dramatic, and that's okay. Drama keeps things spicy. Well, those are the moments that shape you. Build your heart of steel and remind you of the fire you carry inside. You are already amazing. Take every experience as it comes with an open mind and heart, the laughs, the tears, the surprises, because those moments make up your unique story. 

So here's to life. Messy, loud, passionate, and oh, so beautiful. Thank you, Marissa. Thank you to our listeners for hanging in with us. Maybe this show was a little messy, but it was real. And with that proxima, thank you for listening. Make sure to subscribe to our show so you don't miss an episode. We will be dropping an episode every two weeks. 

Oh yeah. No, like seriously subscribe now. So just chill to the next episode. Follow us on Insta and.