Life After Divorce: Sandra and Jeanette's Story

In this episode of the Red Lips Real Talk podcast, two remarkable women, Sandra and Jeanette, share their heartfelt and raw journeys post-divorce. They delve into the challenges and opportunities of stepping into life after separation, offering insights on identity, resilience, and self-love. Sandra recounts reconnecting with her high school sweetheart only to discover she was settling, while Jeanette explores the tumultuous path of learning self-worth amidst manipulative relationships. The conversation highlights the importance of listening to one's inner voice, setting boundaries, and thriving independently. Both women offer valuable advice on recognizing red flags and the virtues of loving oneself first and foremost. They discuss the dynamics of dating as mature women and emphasize that self-completion is vital before seeking a companion. Throughout the episode, the hosts and guests emphasize resilience, community, and the ongoing journey to finding happiness and fulfillment.

Don't forget to share this podcast with a friend!  Episodes are released every two weeks on Wednesdays. You can find us on Spotify, Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.  Be sure you are subscribed to this podcast to automatically receive your episodes. 
Join the conversation on our ⁠Website⁠ or  @RedLipsRealTalk and TikTok @RedLipsRealTalk #redlipsrealtalkpodcast #womenempowerment 

Transcript

You are listening to the Red Lips Real Talk podcast where we talk about life, love, and everything in between. You already know it's time to get real.

Life after divorce can feel like stepping into unfamiliar territory filled with questions about identity, trust, loneliness, and whether you even wanna love again. In the us about 45% of first marriages end in divorce, even with higher rates for second and third marriages. Yet most of us don't wanna give up on love.

80% of divorce people eventually remarry many within four years. Divorce. While painful can spark profound self-discovery, it's a chance to reconnect with yourself, pursue passions, and redefine happiness on your own terms. Some dive back into dating with newfound clarity. Others embrace singlehood and the joy of self-reliance.

On today's episode of Red Lips Real Talk two Remarkable women share their raw unfiltered journeys. Their stories remind us that vulnerability is a bridge to connection, healing, and hope. Hey ladies, welcome to Red Lips Real Talk. We are so excited to have you both on the show. Please introduce yourselves to our listeners and tell us a little bit about yourself.

Hello, my name is Sandra and, um, I'm born and raised in Miami. I have spent most of my career working in higher education for most, um, universities within the city, and I'm a mother of two college kids at this moment and excited to be here. Well, my name is Jeanette and I was actually born in Brooklyn, New York, raised here in South Florida.

I am also a mother and a grandmother. I, um, primarily drive myself towards my practice of, uh, personal training is what I do best, but I currently also work for an MRI company. Welcome ladies. Welcome ladies, welcome. I'm so excited for you both to be here because this is a show that we've all been wanting to do for a really long time, but we wanted to make sure that we had like the right people.

So we're very excited for you to both be here and share your stories. So, Sandra, if you don't mind if I start with you, let's take it back. How did you meet your ex-husband? So the story with my ex-husband is, is kind of funny because, um, I kind of knew him from childhood. Um, he lived across the street from my cousin's house and that was their original home.

So they knew each other from the neighborhood. And while we were little kids, my cousin would always say, oh, my older neighbor is really cute. And we would kind of like walk around the neighborhood and, you know, sort of like stalk him, you know, and it was kind of like her neighborhood childhood crush. And, um, fast forward a few years later, through his, you know, brother happens to be good friends with my best friend's brother.

So somehow he saw a picture of me at her house and said, oh, I wanna meet your friend. So I got introduced to my ex-husband through my best friend from high school. Okay. And how long were you married? We were married for 14 years. That's a big chunk of your life. Yeah. And you said you had two children together?

We did. Um, we do, sorry. We have, um, my daughter Jenna, who is 22, turning 22, um, in October, and my son Gavin, turning 19. Wonderful. Wow. So you, you have two adult children at this point? Two adult children. We were, um, I was with my ex-husband seven years before we got married, so I was with him for the big chunk of my adult life.

Wow. Wow. Early adult. Okay. So if you don't mind me asking this, maybe a little personal, but what was it that happened that caused the dismantle and divorce? Um, I think we grew apart is the best way I could describe it. I also say midlife crisis. He had it, he struggled a lot, I think during that, you know, time.

And he felt, I don't know, that he, I guess, was searching for something else. Mm-hmm. Which ended up in fidelity. So that was Oh wow. The major causes of our Wow. End of the marriage. Okay. And so the person that he cheated on with you, did you know this person or was this a complete stranger? No, I did not. Um, apparently they met where he worked, he worked for service based industry.

So there was a lot of people that, you know, he would meet on a daily basis. And, you know, honestly, I don't know how. Yeah. Yeah, I mean that's, honestly, that's how a lot of affairs came, the assumption at work. Mm-hmm. Like the number one place where people start affairs is at the workplace. My assumption is that I think, you know, he, she went to service her vehicle where he used to work as a service person and yeah.

I guess more got service. Right. That's my assumption, because obviously I never asked the details on how he met this person, but that's the story I make up in my head, I guess. Yeah. Okay. So how long realistically do you think it really took for you? Because that's a huge part of your life. How long do you really think it took you to fully recover from that?

Um, a month after we separated. Oh, wow. Good for you. I think just during our marriage, um, it was like that on and off rollercoaster. Mm-hmm. I, I also think, um, people talk about the seven year itch, so like. We were married 14 years, so the first itch was around seven years of our marriage where he started with, you don't love me where I'm unhappy, and I would've, I never thought we really had major problems in our marriage that would ever lead to divorce, just because of the nature of our personalities.

I thought we were working, you know, okay. Together as mm-hmm. As a, as a team, especially raising younger children. But it started again, you know, towards the second, yeah. Part of the seven year, which was, which was our 14 years of being married. And he would always start with the same, you know, kind of like repetitive, you know, poor, you know, victim.

He, he, he likes to play victim a lot. Mm-hmm. That's something that, that is part of his personality. So I think he was playing victim in the marriage for what I felt wasn't any true, valid reasons, and it was kind of getting a little bit tiresome because, you know, I had a lot of pressure of being the. You know, I'm full-time mom, full-time job, full-time wife, and just, you know, taking care of everybody in the family.

And I felt like he was, you know, leaning towards the role of my third child. Mm-hmm. Versus husband and supportive man. So I was kind of getting tired of that. So, you know, the first few months when we started talking about separation, probably hit the hardest. But I think once he left the house, it was a huge relief.

It was a relief. It was, you're not the first one to say that. Jeanette. Could you resonate with what Sandra is saying? Definitely. I actually left my house when I was almost 17. Wow. And, um, I dropped outta high school. I thought I was in love. I thought I was in love with him. I, after I dropped outta high school, I felt like he swept me off my feet.

You know, here, I, I thought I was gonna have the whole white picket fence. This is it. We're off. And um, he actually turned out to be the half brother of someone that I had dated previously, and so married for 16 years. That's a big chunk of your life too. Oh yeah. And your in your early development years as well.

Definitely. So, mm-hmm. I was very naive. When I came into that relationship, and he was also 12 years older than me, so he really knew how to manipulate me. Mm-hmm. And every situation, 'cause I let him lead, of course I was very young, so. Mm-hmm. I thought, I'm in the man, I'm in the hands of a man. He knows, you know, he had been married already, but by this point we were dating for a couple of years first, and then, and then we finally got married.

But yep. Three sons later on down the line. And um, unfortunately it was the same where he became also very defensive towards, um, certain things. You know, like the outings became a little bit more suspicious. So he's also a businessman. And, uh, he had to travel. So these traveling trips he had company.

Mm-hmm. And it wasn't me. How did you find out? Yeah, into it. Let's get into it. So I felt it. I felt it. So here I was pregnant for the first time. He's gone. I'm home alone. I'm going through my whole emotional rollercoaster. And how old are you, by the way? At during time? At this time? Mm-hmm. I was, I was 17, about to turn 18, and I was pregnant with my first son.

Oh wow, Jeanette. That's a lot. And he was away. Oh my God, that's a lot. Yeah. 17. I'm sorry. You went through that. 18. He was away. I felt it. I felt it. You know, you, you know, you know your person and when the behavior changes, you know, you can't hang out with somebody a month, two months, three years, five years, 10 years, and have this habit every day.

When you get up, you brush your teeth, you do this, you go to the gym, da, da, da. Hey, guess what? I know. What you do on a daily basis. We've been together x amount of time. Now the cycle is breaking, something's off and you're not sharing it with me. So what's up? And you're also pregnant with his baby, which are even more hypersensitive.

Oh yeah. Like our senses are even more when we're, you know, a child, I was triggered, I was triggered over everything. Mm-hmm. Anything triggered. But you were right, right. I was, you weren't wrong. So what prompted me was exactly that, the intuition. Mm-hmm. I decided to open up one of his night drawers because at the time we still weren't living together because of how we met, we couldn't live together right away.

Mm-hmm. So I had my apartment and he had his place, and I would come over, he would, you know, come over my place. But, um, I had time alone while he was away. And I, intuition kicked in and I started searching and I found it. I found a letter from a woman thanking him for a piece of jewelry that he had bought her.

Aw. And it was during one of these business trips because she specified the dates on the letter and he kept it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I, again, you know, so here I was, my heart was broken at that time. Mm-hmm. So, I mean, if you wanna talk about red flags, it was there Right, right then. Yeah. But again, but you young at that time that I was so young.

You were pregnant. I was pregnant. That's a lot. I had already left my house. Yeah. So here I thought I put on, you know, my big girl pants and I left my house, and now I'm here. And now I look like a fool. Mm-hmm. Is how I felt. So, um, did you have family support during that time? I didn't. Wow. I didn't, because when we moved here to Florida.

My mom had remarried. So now I was dealing with a stepfather and I already looked bad in his eyes by leaving the house when I did, and now I'm pregnant. Got it. You know what I mean? So I couldn't go back in my eyes. I couldn't go back. Okay. And, um, yeah, so, you know, once I figured that out, I just, I just said, you know what?

We're gonna work this out. We're gonna work it through. Because him and I had worked so hard to be together alone mm-hmm. As it was because of the situation on how we actually met. He was the, the half brother of my previous, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Serious relationship. So here we are. But, um, but I think that's understandable because that's also the father of your, your future child.

So of course you wanna make it work because it's not like just some silly little boyfriend. This is the father of your child. That being said, and the fact that we are Latina women, which goes back to that terrible curse that many of us have already broken, thank God. And I get chills just saying it because, um, most of us are taught that.

This is what the man does. Mm-hmm. And we have to take it. And that's not true, unfortunately. Here's my proof, right? Yeah. You know, so I lived a long time just thinking, so this is my husband and this is what I have to accept, because he tells me he loves me. He wasn't showing me, he was telling me. And I was feeding into that and making it okay until I decided it wasn't okay anymore.

And that was 16 years later. So as far as I know, there were three different women in that amount of time. And, uh. I put my big girl panties on, right? Mm-hmm. And I said, you know what? This isn't working. I don't know if you've noticed it. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I don't want this anymore. Good for you, and I want out.

So how many children did you have together with your ex-husband? So we have two together. Okay. We have two together. But to be raw and open and honest, my first son is from his half brother, so my three boys are brothers and cousins. I'm gonna process that. We're here to tack a bag. How do you think that's affected your children?

It has a lot. It has a lot. But, you know, do you wanna talk about that? I don't mind. Okay. I don't mind at all. So say whatever is in your heart. Well, my son Jonathan, my oldest son, Jonathan, is from his half brother. Okay. And, um, my son Jonathan, knew that that was not his father. When he was about nine, 10 years old, he came to me and said, and asked me on his own.

And if I felt like my body exploded, I didn't know where to hide, where to go, what to do, what to say. But I told him that I needed a few minutes and that we would sit down and talk. Okay. And we did. And I told him, and he said, I knew it. I knew it because I didn't feel it. I knew he wasn't my dad and children, you know, stepchildren feel that right off the bat.

And when that person comes into that, into the relationship, into that family, if you don't make that child feel loved and appreciated and accepted, just the same way you are accepting your partner because it's a package deal, you know? Um, yeah. That kid's gonna feel left out and they're gonna put two and two together real quick.

I think adults underestimate how intelligent children are. Absolutely. And the bravery that he had to say, well, you know, I think I can ask her this because she's loves me. So good for you that your child was able to feel comfortable enough to ask that Jeanette, because some kids would never ask 'cause they're scared and he wasn't scared.

So I think that's a testament of what type of mother you are. Thank you. Well, with that being said, don't forget my story here with me having a stepfather. So I knew. And I kept an extra eye out for this. So not that I love him anymore than I love the other two, but I did shelter him more than I did the other two because he was not his son.

Mm-hmm. And I wanted to make sure that my son was not gonna receive the treatment that I received from my stepfather. Got it. So Sandra, going back to you, I know that now your two children have a stepmother. How was, how did this impact your children? Because they were in school, now they're older in college, but at that time they were still small.

How do you think that affected your kids? Tremendously. I would say, especially now seeing how, how as adults, um, you know, they form their own opinion and feelings, um, on how they could handle the situation because. When they're younger, I don't think they have control over what's happening to them, especially, um, like you mentioned, they were young.

Um, my son was eight and my daughter was 11 when I got divorced. And because, you know, the marriage ended in infidelity, my ex-husband introduced them to her immediately. You know, that's so messed up in a deceiving way. But they put two and two together and started realizing who she was and how she played a part in, you know, what ended up happening.

And I would say that that whole experience for them, you know, being so young and having to then deal with first separation process, divorce process, um, seeing how awful, because it was very nasty for us. That whole entire process. It, it was a nasty divorce. It was nasty more because of how that. Person that he chose to be with decided that she was gonna influence Oh, really?

How her divorce was gonna go? Yes. Okay. Really badly. Um, yeah. Lots of stories Yeah. To share about that. But you know, just going back to the kids and then sadly, you know, being victims of the system mm-hmm. When it comes to how, you know, the court systems process, you know, children and, you know, the shared custody and that whole experience, that was very, very rough for them.

So they had to by force, spend time with their dad and their stepmother. Because the court system set it up that way. Yes. Just because of how it's set up. They automatically start with 50 50 un unless there's a very special case why one child should be more with one parent versus the other. So I just, you know, as much as I tried to fight that they were with me longer, I couldn't win that battle.

So they were like leaving a few days with you and then a few days. That's really hard. Very. Yeah, that was very hard for them because, you know, from one day to another, we were a family, then we weren't, and then they had to start living in different places. Hybrid, other than their home. Like hybrid? Hybrid living.

Yep. Yeah. Hybrid living and situations. Was she good to them? No, I'm sorry. Was she, was she good to them? No, no, not at all. I'm sorry. It was very bad. Um, my ex-husband let her influence the way that the family dynamic was gonna be at their house and he allowed her to treat them and speak to them, you know, whichever way she wanted it to go.

And that's affected their relationship with their father now, which is non-existent. Oh really? They chose as adults. That's a shame not to speak to their father. Yeah. Because of what he allowed for what happened while they were, you know, not in control. Yeah. You know, I'm gonna jump in here because I'm married to a divorced man who had, who has two children from his first marriage at the time they were young, uh, 11 and no, 12 and 15.

And I remember there was like, like a little, little bullshit in the house going on. And I said something and he immediately told me, Jasmine, don't get involved. I'm their dad. They have their mom go out, go to the mall, go do your nails. It's let, we're like, let us handle it. Be because we're, we're the parents.

And I commend him for that because at the end of the day, that's what pa it's true. It's a mommy's a puppy and I could just be the friend. I don't have to do, that's not my business. And I think that when you have that boundary, that's not, that's set. It's so healthy for the children. No, absolutely. I agree.

Definitely. There was no boundary set. And that was the big problem there. Yeah. And I think if anyone is listening, if you are dating someone and you have little kids, like, remember, remember what I just said, that it's really important for you to set those boundaries and say they have one mother, they have one father.

We're gonna do the parenting. You just be the good guy. Eh? I'm not too happy with that comment. That yeah, that because I, it depends on the situation. It depends on the situation. Yeah. Yeah. There's so many different stories. Yeah. I mean, 'cause you, I was, I was somebody's, I was, so after all of you know this, my relationship, my marriage, divorce, what have you.

Mm-hmm. You know, fast forward, I did have a serious relationship again with someone else. And this guy had four daughters. I am coming in with three sons, which are grown by now, but I was in an eight year relationship with this guy, with four daughters. And if I could push each one of them off the balcony, I probably would've, but, but it wasn't their fault.

It wasn't their fault. It was a simple fact that he was. Just doing it all on his own. Unfortunately, mom, mom was just not around and he was doing it on his own. But whenever, 'cause one of the girls, two of the girls out of the four ended up coming to live with us at one time and so now we're all under one household.

Hold up. That's a lot. Yeah. Hang on a second. You know, so, yeah. Um, you got Bobby and you got one mommy, but now you got somebody else in the house. You know, and I am part of Poppy, right? So me being part of Poppy, I love Poppy and I'm gonna love you guys too. Mm-hmm. But we gotta figure this out now. Yeah. We gotta learn each other.

We gotta, we gotta, we gotta make it work, you know? Um, it's a new, it's a modern, modern family. But, but he wanted me, he wanted me not to get involved, which was our biggest problem in that relationship. He didn't want me to co-parent. He didn't want me to help. And I just felt like, okay, fine, no problem. But you know, I'm watching do all the wrong things for these girls.

It's double-edged sword. It really is a double edged sword. Well, you said the mom wasn't involved, right? Anything? Not at all. At That's different though. The mom was not involved. Yeah. And you were, you were going into something that was. Quite overwhelming. Definitely. So, but you know, again, you know, by being a part of his life, they're now gonna be a part of my life, and that's a no brainer.

Mm-hmm. You know, it's, it's, oh, they're yours now. They're gonna come stay here. Okay. Hey guys. Yeah. I'm, you know, I'm Jeanette. This is how it works here. Yeah. You know, I think, and I need you guys to communicate with me too, you know? 'cause even during the process when they were becoming young ladies and things like that, yeah.

They had no idea. And when I would step in and just, you know, little hints, Hey guys, you know, this is what you do with this and this is what you do with that. They were like, oh. But while dad was feeling offended mm-hmm. Thinking that I was talking down to his kids. Mm-hmm. No, I'm helping them. They don't know.

Yeah. You're not a woman, I can tell them. Right, right. That's all I, no, I understand what you're saying. I think you have to do what works in the family dynamic. Every situation is different. I think for me, I look at it from a perspective, 'cause I had a stepmother and she was really mean to me. Mm-hmm. And then she's the one that.

Took my dad away and broke up our family, you know, and then started a new family, you know? And at the same time, this is a woman that at any given moment is trying to tell me what to do and how to do it, but then has the luxury of walking away whenever she wants and it doesn't have to be there every day.

No. So I feel there are, when you're a stepparent, there are some boundaries that you just can't cross. Yeah. 'cause at the end of the day, I'm a stepmother too. Mm-hmm. And I lived it. Mm-hmm. And I love my stepchildren, but at the end of the day, they have their parents. Sure. You know, so I just feel like it is a, a double-edged sword.

Mm-hmm. And it's a, something that you need to slowly work your way into that. Definitely. I agree. As a stepmom, I would say you do it with love. Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm. Lead with love can't be evil. You can't, you can't do it. Re resentment or, you know, however you feel about that person's other parent should be non-existent.

Exactly. So if you do it with love and you do it with respect mm-hmm. Then you're gonna end up with a loving family. Yeah. And they'll have more people that love them. Mm-hmm. That's how I saw it. It's like, okay, you, you have two families, right? Mm-hmm. Because now mom also is remarrying and has so, and then you have me.

Mm-hmm. And we all love you the same. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know? So I, I just, I treated it with love. I was not trying to be like, yeah. Evil. You know? Yeah. Yeah. And that's what's important. You can't take your frustrations out on these kids that are not yours. You have to love them as if they were yours. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. They have, but it's understandable that sometimes you're like, oh, they get on your nerves or you like, because we're, we're human. You know? Well, all kids get our, our, even our own kids get our nerves. Yeah, I get that. Absolutely. But you know, there's, 'cause again, as a step kid, you feel you can feel the difference of course right away.

And you don't want that. Yeah. Yeah, you can. So moving forward, Sandra, when you found yourself divorced and everything's done okay, um, after so many years of marriage, what was the one thing you just did for yourself? Something that made you think, okay, this is my time. I'm gonna do this because I want to, and I don't have, I don't have to ask him permission, I'm just gonna do it.

Everything. I think that was the best year that I experienced after my marriage and after having children. I totally went out. Um, you know, reconnected with a lot of friends, did a lot of experiences that I wasn't doing. So I really thoroughly enjoyed that separation year. 'cause you know, it took a year from the separation to the divorce.

So that year I really focused on myself and just having a great time. And I did. And Jeanette, what about you? I'm right there with Sandra. I, I was hanging off chandeliers. I became a bartender. Woo. I became a bartender. You're a bartender too. Ooh. I always wanted to be one too. I'm telling you. Yeah. It's so much fun.

I made so much money. I had two jobs during that time. Mm-hmm. Um, just 'cause And how old were you during this time? I was, at this time I was already, I would. Say 34. 33. Oh girl, that's your prime. Are you kidding? Woo. I was out and about. I became a bartender. Same thing. I made connections with some, uh, people that I hadn't connected with in a long time.

Of course, I was, you know, the married life. I'm now a wife, kids. You know, I wasn't doing anything but just working home for the most part. But, um, and you started so young. I just started living it up. From that moment on, I started, I was clubbing, I started promoting at the clubs. I was doing all kinds of stuff.

I was resting Sundays. That's it. On Sunday. You could not find me. My phone was off. Good for you. Good for you. So Sandra, when you started dating again, what was the most surprising thing that you discovered, either about yourself or about dating in general after so many years with the same person? So after I got divorced, I reconnected with my high school sweetheart.

So that was kind of like starting where we left off because since it was already a familiar person, um, how did that happen? Again, through social, you know, we, we had been friends through social media, but never really interacted with each other because I was married, he was married, and then he got divorced before I did.

So one day I posted something about, you know, my family and he made a comment and asked how I was doing. And that was right when I was really going through the middle of, you know, right before I got separated, kind of like. Well, just between you and I, all these things are happening in my life and I don't know what's, you know what to do or, wow.

So he kind of stepped in as a friend because he had just experienced that himself. So we kind of reconnected by bonding through the divorce and, you know, separation process. And just little by little we started reconnecting and, you know, met up after a few months and just started like going out. And we have a lot of mutual friends.

How far did you know him? This, was this like from high school or? It was more like middle school. Oh my goodness. So this is way back, we were probably like 12 years old. Oh. Oh. Is around that age range where you are in, that's kind of cute. Sixth grade and middle school. Wow. So we, we grew up knowing each other, middle school, high school, having a lot of friends in common, but we stopped communications during, right after high school because he went away to college and back then, not to age myself so much.

We didn't have phones, um, cell phones, just that private line in your house answering machines. You know, when someone would go away, you would never hear from them because there wasn't, you know, social media, telephones, anything to that extent. Yeah, more cell phones and, um, we lost touch when he went away.

I stayed here, I didn't go away for college, so I just kept on continuing my life. Right around that time is when I met with my ex-husband, so I continued to, to, you know, build that relationship with him. So I forgot about, you know, my ex-boyfriend from high school when he went away and then he did come back one time from school kind of wanting to meet up and we did, but then lost touch after that, you know, he got married, had a child, and they, um, got divorced a little bit before I did.

So I guess because he was single, he was more active, you know, on social media, like they kind of do when that happens to them. And I guess he just, you know, reached out and then we connected through trauma bonding of divorce experiences. And then we ended up getting together dated for 10 years. Wow. 10 years.

Had to step in. I never stepped into the role of a stepmom because we weren't living together. Mm-hmm. He also was the type of parent that like made sure, like I had nothing to do with being an active person in his parent, in his son's life. Like Right. You know, his son had a mother and a father and I was not in that role.

Okay. So that experience was very different for me. But yes, we were together for 10 years. So you were with him basically through all of your forties? Yes. Exactly. So you gave him a decade of your life? I gave him a decade and my, probably my better decade. I, yeah. Is that for me felt I was in my prime. I agree.

I think the forties is the best. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Definitely. Do you feel that same way, Jeanette? Definitely. Yeah. Definitely. I've, I feel in my forties I've just been like sprinkled with just so many gifts. Mm-hmm. Um, and of course experience and life, um, experiences bring you to that as well. You know, I mean, 'cause if you're not learning as you're going along, then you're not growing.

You're always gonna be stuck in the same spot, you know? So at the end of the day, you can't sit back and say, why is this happening to me when you've probably been given all the signs and you ignored them? You know? So it's more of a, of a, keeping your eyes wide open. And for somebody like me especially, it took a lot of solitude to come to that.

I'm a very, I, I'm, I am an extrovert, but I can be very much so an introvert as well. All of my life, I've always been around people. School, I was a class clown, you know, the bartending. If you stop and think about the jobs that I've had and held, I'm always around people, the gym, always around people. So I'm like, you know, the, the clown at the rodeo show, right?

The center of attention. But when I hit my forties, um, after the divorce and starting to date and try to meet new people and experience what was happening, the more I spent time alone, the more I was able to learn more about who Jeanette really is and what does Jeanette really want, and what is she going to accept and what is she not going to accept.

So during this timeframe where you, 'cause Sandra was with the same person for 10 years, but were you dating someone for a few years or just like doing online dating? What were you doing during that time? So I, I've never, I've never. I've never fallen into the online dating thing because I'm a crime show freak.

I don't blame you. It is a little scary. You just don't know who you're gonna meet. Right. Thank God I don't have little kids right now that play video games. 'cause they would hate me. They would not be playing just because of what goes on in this world today, you know? Mm-hmm. But after the divorce, I did date a little bit.

There was a couple of guys, and in 2013, I decided to settle down again, and that's when I fell into the, uh, relationship that I was talking about earlier with the gentleman, with the four daughters and with him. I was with him for eight years. If that wasn't the big test of my life, I can't tell you what else was.

My marriage was a joke compared to what I experienced with this eight year relationship. Wow. Yeah. That's that's a lot. Yeah. It, it, it was very, it was very, it was very much so an eye-opener, you know, when. If anyone has ever experienced, uh, domestic violence in any way, shape or form, whether it's, you know, just being talked down to, or actually being physically hurt or even something as simple as, uh, something being taken away, right?

I had my car taken away. You can't drive it. You can't go anywhere, you know, I thought I had it bad with the ex-husband, the man that I married, the father of my kids, and here I meet this man who in the first 30 days told me he loved me the next 30 days, told me he wanted to marry me and take me away.

Let's do this. Let's do that right here. You're thinking, oh my God, I found somebody that, that is gonna be worth it because here we go, honeymoon stage first 90 days, don't mess with me now. So he was. The classic love bombing, but he was classic love bombing. The, and I hate to say it, but he is a narcissist.

I did investigate the meaning of the word prior to using it, and he is definitely the definition, the manipulation, um, everything. It just happened all and through the eight years I cried myself to bed. I don't know how many times. I'm sorry. After the first three years is when it really got hard. Yeah. But after that is when I was like, you know, like, God, I was praying.

Sometimes I'd pray in the bed and this guy would be like rolling side to side. I thought I was performing an exorcism in my house. Yeah. I was like, God, please take me outta this. What is going on? Help me. What do I do? Give me a sign. Like show me. And sure enough, the next day we would have an argument. But you know what?

I didn't see that. That was the sign. Right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. That was the sign, that argument. The next day, that was my sign to go. Right? Yeah. And I was. You said he's a narcissist, was sitting there trying to figure it out. Right. Exactly. Fix his, so he would smooth me and take me, oh, let's go to Puerto Rico.

Let's go on. You went on. Let me buy you this. Let me buy you that. Let's take here, let's go to dinner. And then I was like, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay. Until I, until I got tired of it and I was like, you know what? One day I came home and I said, you know, every day I come home and we do pretty much the same thing, right?

I come home, I get settled in, I start the food, and then you get here and you sit at the dining room table. On your phone. You don't even say hi to me. I don't even get a kiss. You can care less how my day was, but I'm asking you. Right? And then I said to him, I don't see this working out. I was terrified when I said that he had never put his hands on me, but I was so scared because I didn't know what was gonna happen.

But I knew I had to tell him. We have to stop this. And when I left Wow. It was like a movie, right? It was like a movie because things got physical. Not in the sense of him putting his hands on me or anything like that, but just in the sense of, um, he went and removed the tag off my car so I couldn't drive.

Wow. After I had packed up my car. That's more control. So now my car is packed up and I can't leave. Mm-hmm. And you know how bad I wanna leave right now. Yeah. So, you know what I did? I have sisters and I called my sister. I called my little sister and I said, don't fuck with the little sister. Hell no. No, nope, no.

And she's a Gemini. I called up my little sister and I said, um, I was panicking, I was crying. I was hysterical at the time. 'cause I hear, I thought I was getting ready to go and I'm like, and he went, oh, you're not going anywhere. And removed the tag off my car. And I said, oh my God, what am I gonna do? So I called my little sister right away, was the first person I thought of.

And I said, Hey. What are you doing? I'm like almost running down like, Hey, what are you doing? She's like, uh, she was taking care of something. And I said, okay, well, I'm in a really bad situation right now. I'm leaving so and so my car is packed, and he just ripped the tag off my car. I need you to come and get me.

And she did. She came to my, she came to the apartment building. Excuse me. She pulled up and I was just so happy to see her. At that moment. I felt untouchable. I was like, ha, my sister's here even, and she's a Gemini. Yeah, yeah. And she's the little one too. But I was like, huh, you know, like I just didn't feel alone anymore right now at that moment because nobody else in the building was coming out to find out what was going on.

Making sure I was okay. Yeah, because we were yelling at this point. Yeah. Now we're yelling outside the apartment building while I'm taking like the last bag and you know, all kinds of things. So my sister came to pick me up and I didn't even know where I was gonna stay. I had nowhere to go. I just knew I had to go.

Mm-hmm. I made the choice. I was ready. I was ready to do whatever it took, but I knew that I could not stay there anymore. I stayed there so long because I became comfortable in an in uncomfortable situation, and I made it. I made it so I thought was working for me, but it wasn't. Mm-hmm. In a way because it did, because it made me open up my eyes and see that I don't have to accept that.

From that moment, I went and stayed with my sister. I have to tell you that on the drive we were leaving from Fort Lauderdale or Pompano Beach to Miramar, my old hometown, my own stomping grounds. Mm-hmm. And uh, it started pouring down. Rain. So now we're driving on the expressway. She's following me because I have no tag on my car in the pouring down rain, which was my biggest fear is to drive in the pouring down rain.

And I did it. And I knew that that day was just the opening of more and better things that were coming here. I was accomplishing two things in one day. Right. And in a matter of a little bit of time, how much more can I do with the time that's coming up ahead of me? I can do anything. You overcame your fear.

Yeah, I did. Good for you. I did. I did. Thank God for sisters. Thank God for sisters. And that's what I wanted to say. The power of. Not only sisters, but female friendships that maybe there's someone listening to us right now and just being there. The simplicity of saying, I got you. I'm on my way. That that is the most beautiful thing.

It's necessary. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Women supporting women. Mm-hmm. And if I could add to that, um, it's funny 'cause you were saying like all the red flags were there, but we don't see it when we're in it. And then, like, my friends were always kind of expressive of how they felt. Me too. But they always said, you know, we're, it's up to you.

You know, we're gonna support you, whatever decision you make. But they always were the first ones waving every single color flag you could imagine in front of my face that I chose to ignore. Right. But it wasn't now like hindsight after. That you realize, you know how many red flags you chose to miss.

Mm-hmm. People were, you know, your true friends and family were there, you know, making sure that you were seeing it. But it's not until after you walk away that, yeah, you realize it, it's hard because I had a friend who was dating someone that was not good for them, and I kind of said something and, you know, she didn't, she didn't like, like it, you know, and it caused a problem in the friendship.

So I think you all should always look out for your friend and be like, no, you know? But sometimes that's hard because they still side with. The boyfriend and then they dump you. That happens quite a bit. Yeah. You know, that's, that's why Uji, you gotta try to, we've all learned from this and, and have experiences I'm sure, whether it's with our, uh, now adult children because I have an adult son who's already divorced and that was, that's another story.

But, um, yeah, you know, I, your friend, having a friend is like having another relationship. Absolutely. And if it's a deep friendship, it's like a sisterhood. Right. So if your sister is in trouble, why, why should you not tell her that? If she can't accept it, then that's on her. But for me, 'cause I have experienced the same thing.

I have a girlfriend who is in a very, very bad situation and she knows she is, she knows it. She'll call me and she'll tell me and then she goes back. So the rest of the girls that she used to associate with, 'cause she let me know no longer speak to her because of that. Because they told her and she's, no, but no.

Right. She doesn't wanna hear it. Yeah. But you know what, I, I'm super raw with her. I curse at her. You're a stupid B You let yourself get there. Well, you like it. Oh, I guess you must like it. I guess you must like getting treated bad. Hey. Oh, when the day comes and you get tired of it, I guess you'll get rid of him.

'cause you know what? At the end of the day, I'm always gonna be here for you. I'm always gonna be here for you. That's never gonna change. 'cause I love you. 'cause you're my friend. 'cause you're my sister. Just know what you're doing. You know? So she'll come and vent to me and then kind of convince herself and then she goes back home and then the next day.

Yeah. You know, and it's, it's repetitive, you know? So I've done both. I've been the girls, like, you know, I've done what you just said right now. Yeah. I've been that friend. Mm-hmm. And now I think I'm more kind of like, I'm gonna stay in my lane. Mm-hmm. It's, it's, but I, I wanna be more like that. Know, but it's, I try to be very careful with that because I don't wanna lose my friend.

Sure. Too. You know? But Jeanette, remember you went through it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. So that's why I'm still here for her. Exactly. So it's why I thinks, why she's still listening to you. Mm-hmm. Because you've experienced it and so she, she understands your side. Yeah. And you understand her side. Definitely. 'cause you know, it took you a while to, to, I mean, when you get fed up, you get fed up.

Yeah. Yeah. When you know it's time, it's time. And you, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. Yeah. So until that time comes, you're there for her. Exactly. And that's amazing. Exactly. And she appreciate it. And she, she's very appreciative to that. Um, 'cause she's even voiced, you know, she's like, you know, these girls won't even speak to me anymore.

I said, why are you, I was where she is. Right? Yeah. I know exactly what she's feeling. And that's another reason why I think they stop being so hard on each other. People are just way too hard on each other. Yeah. And you need to love your friend or love your siblings when it, when they're unlovable. Mm-hmm.

Or when they frustrate you, or they do something that rubs you the wrong way. I think we just have like these, like everything has to be perfect in certain friendships. And it's not, it's sometimes it gets messy that, but you don't believe them. I, I, I feel like friendships get messy, but work it out. Right.

Be there for them. I believe in that. Me too. You know. So Sandra, um. You were with your ex for 10 years. Did you ever think about getting married when you were with him or was it just that you wanted to date? No. No. Um, after a few years of being together and, you know, we thought, oh, what a great story this is.

It was meant to be, you know, those, it's a love story. Mm-hmm. Yeah. In theory. And then, um. Years went by and that's it. The comfortness level on his end settled in the non-committal. You know, there was no future vision of blending, living together, no matter how many scenarios I tried to present without really, you know, pushing or, you know, setting ultimatums.

Because whenever you start putting that pressure on a man who is, you know, very dominant type of man, he doesn't like to feel pressure. And any of those times that those conversations came up we're always threatening. So I was kind of You did not live together, right? No, we were living separately. Um, you know, I was living with my children.

He was living with his child, and we would spend a lot of time together, do a lot of things together with our families. But after a while you get tired of driving home or, you know, like you, if you're in a relationship and you're with someone, you wanna be with that person. Mm-hmm. You know, especially every night, you know?

Yeah. Kind of thing. So was it, was it him, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I'm trying to figure it out. Was it him that did not want to integrate the relationship? Yes, definitely. It was more him than me. I never, you know, I wanted, I was trying to find ways of, you know, because like none of our households accommodated.

Mm-hmm. You know, so it would have to be like starting in a new type of house and there's different scenarios, but that wasn't something that I felt was after 10 years, you know, gonna happen. So I got tired. And Did you, did you have anyone in your life saying to you, that's a red flag? Probably me inside myself.

Yeah, I knew that if it wasn't happening, there was a reason why, and thank God it didn't, because now you know, I'm happy that it didn't, but I pushed. Why are you happy that it didn't? Because it probably wouldn't have worked out. You know, I was, I was trying to make something. I think it was an illusion in my head of what I had, of what that relationship could have been, but it really wasn't, and I wasn't seeing it just because I was so hopeful that, okay, my marriage didn't work, but now this relationship will work, will work because I'm with someone that I loved so much in my past and do now, you know, I really truly was in love with my ex boyfriend, you know, because he was my first love.

So I still had those feelings and I thought it was meant to be that we reconnected after so many years, you know, of not. Seeing each other and knowing what had happened in each other's lives, and uh, you know, what are the chances we both got divorced and mm-hmm. You know, we were together and dating and all these things we did.

So I thought it was meant to be, but he's, I guess there was a reason why he was my ex-boyfriend. Mm-hmm. Okay. And that made sense, you know, after the fact. Was there ever a conversation when you got together that you asked would he remarry or would you remarry? Yes, there was, he was never wanting, um, or willing to, to be remarried.

Um, I was okay with that because I kind of felt like that at the beginning, but as time went by then I was more open to being remarried. Although, you know, marriage is a contract with the state and the system and it's such an awful system here. 'cause I learned that through the divorce process. So I was looking more for like a ceremonial type of marriage.

Not necessarily that legal, you know, state type, but you know, anything ceremonial, living together. So I knew how he felt about marriage. I didn't know how he felt about living together. And that was the reasons why. It just led to the end of our really, I got tired of waiting and just, you know, ended it. 10 years is a long time.

Yeah, long time. Yeah. Just like, um, what, what you mentioned with, um, that it was all in your head when you said that it was all in your head. That's what made me stay for those eight years and that last relationship, because I had, with what he had told me, made it up in my head that this is gonna be what?

What he said, we're gonna, we're gonna get married and, you know, all kinds of things. And actually on the, I'd say about a year before we split up, before I left, I got an engagement ring. I waited seven years for this ring, you know? Mm-hmm. Um, which made a big, um, it made a big, uh, deal at the house because his daughters were like, you bought her ring and you never bought mommy a ring.

Oh, wow. Yeah. So you knows, he had to tell them, well, do you know, I didn't feel the way about your mom the way I feel about her. Oh mom. Type of thing, you know? But it was, it was really, really, really tough. But I did also in my head, just create this life that was nonexistent. And I, and I realized it when I left.

I was like, you know what? You've done this all by yourself, you know, too bad. I'm not a freaking hermaphrodite. Could've done more by myself.

You're so funny. You're killing me with that one.

I am sorry. I had to laugh. My face when she said it, your meal. Just look what I'm just saying. You know, like if you stop and you think about it, I was getting home, I was cooking, I was, and I'm not complaining 'cause I love to do this, right. This is my role, this is what I wanted to do anyway, so, you know, but you're getting home.

If you stop and think about it, you're getting home and you're doing everything, all you, what do I need him for, right? Mm-hmm. That's true. If I'm doing it all. Mm-hmm. The only part I'm not doing was the sex. Right? Yeah. And now there's all kinds of stuff you can buy. So by the way, the Rose works really well.

Oh gosh. So Sandra, so now you were married for a good portion of your life. You had a 10 year relationship. You are now single. Yes. Hallelujah. Jeanette, you're single. No, I got somebody in the kite. Oh, okay. So. Sandra, are you interested in dating again or are you one of the, there's a trend now that women are like, no, we wanna be, I'm happy alone.

I'm enjoying my life with my girlfriends. I'm traveling. I have zero interest. Where do you think you fall? Absolutely. I would love to be able to find the right person. That's the thing that now I think with all the lessons that I've learned, with all my previous relationships, I know what type of person I'm looking for.

And I just don't think, you know, we'll see if he's out there because he is, I've definitely set my standards and I'm not falling for what I fell in the past and currently just dating myself, traveling, you know, going out with my girlfriends, eating at amazing restaurants, doing everything I want. Mm-hmm.

And really enjoying my children, um, at this age, because they're at an age where they still want to be with me. We get to do a lot of things together, and I still have them at home and, you know, I, I feel like right now we're like in a college dorm. Yeah. Because I still sometimes think I'm that age. I work at a university, so I, I probably have never like left that type of, you know, yeah.

Lifestyle. And, um, you know, thankfully I get to have a lot of fun with my kids and it's just for right now what I'm focusing on, um. If a man comes along and meets my needs, then great. But I'm not desperately out there looking for that. And I'm more of ANGA organic type of relationship person because of the nature of my job.

I do development, engage in and special events. So I'm always around people in, you know, fun settings and engaging settings. So to me, I would love to meet that person organically in one of these type of settings. Online, it's not my thing. It's fun to look at and see what's out there through your phone, but I never do the next step of swiping the other way where I make a connection and sometimes I do.

And then the first interaction we have, I kind of just like. Ghost them. Like, I'm like, no, I'm not in the mood. It's just not, I just don't think it's for me right now. Yeah. Maybe if I see that time goes by and that's my only hope, but I still have hope in meeting someone in a different way. Yeah. That's not online.

And Jeanette, you had mentioned that you didn't like the online dating, that you too also like to meet people organically, just like Sandra said. Is that correct? Yeah, definitely. I wanted to jump on that quick only because the first time that I tried to open that Facebook dating app, it was like, you know, a, a sale story.

Oh my gosh. Share stories, share stories. Please as soon as I opened up that face. So, you know, so this eight year relationship with two garbage, whatever. So here I was, you know, trying to get myself back together and do things and stuff like that because I, I actually lived in my car for about three months before I was able to finally find my apartment, which I've been in now three years.

And so through that process, I opened up that Facebook app, the dating app. What a mistake. Oh my God. As soon as I opened it, it was just flooding and flooding and flooding with messages and all kinds of things. I was like, yeah, I didn't even open one. I shut it down, delete the app, forget it. Never even bothered with it again.

But I'm very active on Instagram for my business of personal training. And of course I integrated my personal page onto there. So now I just use this one page for everything. Mm-hmm. And I did meet somebody recently, actually. I've been giving him a hard time. So my walls are up some, but I'm walking and treading very slowly.

And so this experience with this gentleman who lives in New York, he's already come down to see me. We spent 4th of July together, which was really nice, and he's gonna be coming back soon again. And it, and it looks pretty promising to be honest with you. But I feel that what has made it that is the fact that I'm not keeping my mouth shut about anything I don't like.

Good for you. I'm telling you right now, like, you know, we already had an incident, uh, a couple of weeks ago, uh, where he went out. So he got the habit of wanting me to know when he's out. That's great. I love it. Thanks for letting me know. Right. So tonight I'm gonna go out with my boys. They invited me here.

Awesome. Have a great time. Talk to you later. I am clingy, but I'm not too clingy. I know when it's time to let go, you know? So I've been totally cool with that. But recently he went. Didn't say anything. I called and text and I got no response. And then hours later he calls to talk. Now I'm sleeping. I wasn't happy about that because he started me on already every day.

Every day we're talking and texting every day, right? Every time you go out, you're sending me a picture of video or whatever. How come that night you didn't send me a picture? Mm-hmm. How come that night you didn't answer my call? How come that night you didn't answer my text? Did you say this to him? Just like that.

Okay. Because I need to know. Do you think? Because could happen to me too. I could put my phone in the bag and be out and not hear it, and I could have missed his call. You know? But I know you're checking it and the phone lets you know that you read my message. So you chose to ignore me for several hours.

I'm not okay with that. So if you're feeling so much for me, why would you just leave me on read? Just curious. What was his response? That he was with his friends and he just didn't think about it at the time, and that he was pretty tipsy and he just put it in his pocket and said, well, I'm gonna call her when I get home later anyways.

Which he did, but I wasn't happy with the fact, knowing that you read my message and you ignored me. What are you doing right now? Mm-hmm. That you cannot just say, babe, it's really loud in here. You know, I'll call you when I get out, or whatever. Mm-hmm. You read it. Didn't respond and carried on, you know, so I brought that up.

So we just talked about that. But yeah, that's my, uh, if you wanna call, not really online dating, but someone that I met on social media who we have now, um, made a decision to be exclusive. Okay. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited for you too. We've talked about, um, he's ready to get married again. He actually just got divorced two years ago from a 24 year marriage.

So he's got two sons that are in college now as well. But is that what you want? I do. Really? I do. You would like to be married again? I do. What about you, Sandra? And you would like to be married again? Yeah. I think you're the right person. Why are we glutton for punishment? Did we not learn anything? I just wanna be No, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. And it doesn't have to be the whole full out, you know, like, you know, go get married, like you said, you know, something ceremonial. Just something to celebrate the, the unity, you know, of, um, of one another is what it is. Mm-hmm. Just to have that bond with that one person is what I want.

Definitely. I'm, I'm ready for that. So what I, and then to, and to add, because she said, why are we glennon for punishment? It's because we got, you know, we, I got married. At the beginning, 'cause I wanted to be married forever and I believed in like marriage. So although I had bad experience with it, it's because it wasn't the right match.

But I think if you do feel, you know, find the right match, then it does serve the purpose of what a marriage, you know, could be or should be. Right? Mm-hmm. And we're so far ahead right now. Um, Michael and I we're very far ahead right now in just these, these few months. So we started chatting in May. And, um, you know, there's already talk about a wedding on the beach, you know, in the ocean.

Him possibly moving here, me visiting over there, you know, or maybe we both just move outta the state. But we're already in, um, the process of preparing what's to come in the future because that's what we want for each other. We, we know that we wanna be together. And, um, and, and every day we learn a little bit more about each other, but we are communicating a lot more, which is something that I have grown to learn, right?

During the time that I have been single. And he is growing to learn with me now every day. He thanks me for the things that he learns from me, and I just let him know that this is what I've learned while I've been single, you know, and have gone through my marriage and my separation and, and relationships.

And so I know exactly what I want. So if we're gonna do this, then it's not that it has to be on, on a, on a my term type of thing, just simply that we need to talk, we need to talk. Something bothers you. You need to let me know. Yeah, same thing. Vice versa. It's not a big deal. We don't have to argue. It doesn't have to be a all out, you know?

And it doesn't have to be a blame thing, but you know what? Let's stop and think about what happened, how we're gonna fix it. Resolution. You love me, right? Let's resolve you found your voice. Honestly, what I learned from you in the show is that in the past relationships that you had, you maybe you wouldn't have asked those questions because you didn't.

Yeah, to escalate or to fight, or you were nervous about what could happen as opposed to all of that. Now you're like, no, we are going to talk about this now. Right. And that's the beauty of also aging and learning more about yourself. Mm-hmm. And when I brought this up, we discussed it and I still didn't get like my final answer the day that I asked him about, you know, I know you saw the message, but you didn't even respond, da, da, da.

That day, that conversation, I did not get my answer that day. This just happened last week, by the way. So, you know, just yesterday we were able to finally squash it because I was like, you know what? In the back of my mind. All week. I was still like, you know what? We talked about it, but we didn't squash it.

It wasn't resolved. There was no resolution. So I brought it back up. Hey, you know what, you know not to cause a big thing, da, da da, but you know what, this is really bugging me and I really wanna get it outta my head. That's how I worded it. It's really bugging me and I need to get it out. Tell me, babe, tell me what it is.

Remember when we talked about da, da, da, da the other day? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, guess what? You never really gave me an answer. This is what you said. I never really got an answer. Mm-hmm. And, and I'm not okay with that. I need to understand why you did that. You didn't really give me an answer. What is Oh, just 'cause I didn't feel like I could.

So wait a minute. So if I go out with my girlfriend tonight, right? And uh, I put my phone in my bag and I just go MIA for the next four or five hours, you're gonna be okay with that? Because guess what? The very next day I went out. You damn right. So you're holding a mirror up to them and saying, if this is what you're doing, I'm gonna do the same.

No. So you can see how it feels. Not that I'm gonna do the same No. 'cause I, because that's like, now you're playing a game. Right. Okay. Not that I'm gonna do the same. Just put yourself in my shoes. Right. Just flip the script a second. If you were me. How did that make you feel? And you did that, you know, how would you feel?

Yeah. If you could see that I read your message and that I purposely not, I didn't respond. How would you feel? Because that's feel or or react. Exactly. For me, it made me think automatically, well, well he's doing something that he shouldn't be doing, that's why he's not answering. Right. But then back to the whole trauma, 'cause it comes back and then I had to sit myself and talk to myself and go, Jeanette, hello?

Um, now you're acting like a little fucking psycho bitch. You know? Chill the fuck out. The dude went out, you know, it could happen to you. You could be out and you could put your phone in the purse and he can call you. Mm-hmm. And you don't see it 'cause you're drinking and you're doing whatever, you know.

And then maybe two hours later you check the phone and now you see it, so you can't expect. But just because I didn't get a. A full reply. I didn't get the full reason. The response as to why it just itched me wrong and I brought it up again and we discussed it and we finally resolved it. Do you think there have been challenges in this relationship due to the long distance?

That is part of it. That is part of it. So it has a lot to do with him being recently divorced. 'cause he hasn't been with anyone seriously. Um, he's gone out with a couple people and things like that, so, you know, he's mentioned to me, but you know, apparently I'm the one, you're the one, you know. So say, say, how does he say it to you?

You are the one. No, he, he's from New York. He's like, babe, you know, I'm all in, I'm all in.

I'm all in, baby. That ass is mine. Okay. Anyways, but, but it, you know, it comes from, it comes from the, the bond. It comes from, you know, him being divorced. Me being over here. Definitely the distance has a big to do with it, you know, so he tries, we try to talk as much as we can. We even do a date night. We just had a happy hour last night, so I, you know, I like to drink beer.

So I went to the store, got some beer, and we sat down on FaceTime. We had some drinks and talked and hung out. Like if it was like in real life person, you know, we did, we do movie night, same thing. Put the FaceTime on. We watch movies and we're like, ah, like if we were sitting right next to each other.

Mm-hmm. But it is very challenging because we are so far apart, because right now what's happening is, um, yeah. So it's, it's getting a little bit more intense right now. He's, um, actually he told me he loved me, so now it's, now the emotions are. Really, really high and kicking in. Mm-hmm. And my guard is a little bit more lower.

Yeah. Than it was before. But again, just because I've seen what I've seen and been through what I've been through, you just have to watch out for yourself all the time. And that's what I tell 'em. I said, it's not that. It's not that I'm fighting you and I'm fighting your love. I'm taking care of me. Because at the end of the day, who is right?

You just got here, you're telling me you wanna take care of me, show me, prove it. You know, the proof is in the pudding, that's all. But yeah, we're having a great time. I was gonna say, 'cause you hadn't mentioned she found her voice. So I guess my question was with all this that, have you guys have been through, what's something that you've learned about yourself or, or embraced about yourself?

You know, with all of this? To probably listen to the, my inner voice or my gut feeling. Um, you know, even though sometimes you think you're doing the right thing and deep down inside, you know, you're not, I think to always go with your gut and, and, and be more now vocal and expressive about it. You know, question demand, ask just to be more vocal.

Jeanette. Yeah, I, I agree with what Sandra just said. Definitely be more vocal about it because if you're not communicating, then how is you know that person gonna know that's with you, you know? Um, and the same thing for them, just like, like I mentioned just a little while ago, how he mentioned that I've made so many changes, so many positive changes in his life in this short time.

And I sit back and I'm like, me, he's like, you have no idea what you've done. You know how you've opened my eyes to this and that, and da, da, da. And sometimes I think I'm like, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know, here he is, you know, stirring up some stuff to try to get me on his good side type of thing. So that's where I'm still kind of.

Keeping up that wall a little bit, but it's because I have to, you know, I have to look out for me. But definitely keeping the voice, taking time for yourself. I've learned take time, take that time for you. If it doesn't feel right, just don't go. You'll learn more about yourself the more you're by yourself.

And I know you said you've been spending a lot of time with yourself. Do you, I mean, and you seem comfortable with that. Do you feel pressure from other people in your life or like society about dating or, no, I don't. So anywhere where your status is at? Not, not me personally. I think at the beginning it was hard for me to be by myself because how long I was with my.

Husband and then a new relationship. So right when that ended, I'm like, where now? You know, where do I stand now? But I think I just jumped right in and embraced the times that I do have by myself and then the times that I'm usually out. I'm a very social person and active because of work and my kids and my family.

And the few times that I am home alone, I love it. I love watching tv. Mm-hmm. Reality shows is my thing. And you know, I keep entertained. Doing that on my own, but I think it's, you know, I'm, I'm very happy where I'm at and I don't feel like I need to have, you know, a person or a relationship, right. To be fulfilled or not feel alone.

I love that. I definitely don't feel alone. Yeah. So, Sandra, what's one date idea that you would love to try that you haven't yet? Like, if, if a guy asked you out, like, what's something you haven't done and you'd be like, man, this is like, if a guy's actually listening to us, this is a good idea. Something unique.

I don't know. I, I pretty much, um, am fortunate enough to be able to treat myself to nice things. So I do go to nice restaurants, concert shows. Traveling for me, an an ideal date would definitely be trying out like one of the nicer restaurants, because I'm a huge foodie and I just love nice things. So yeah.

Nice restaurant. Maybe something like, since we live in Miami, in Florida, maybe something like a yacht, like a, like a date on a yacht. Yeah. That's kind of nice. There you go. You know what I, that's, that's kind of what I would like. I mean, I think what I've learned in speaking with you ladies is that because we're all similar in age and we don't put up with bullshit no more.

So when you're dating someone that's. From an older, you know, late forties, early fifties. Yeah. It, it is hard to date us because our, we, that, that bullshit is over. We know what we want. Show up. Don't lie to me. Keep it simple. I'm happy if you just keep it straight with me. We go out to a nice little dinner restaurant and have a good time.

I think that's why a lot of men that are in their fifties or late fifties, they like to date the younger girls because they can manipulate them more. Definitely. They're more, they're more impressed with a steak dinner and they don't wanna deal with dating an adult woman. Yeah. You know what I mean? So I think those are some of the challenges that you can encounter with dating in your fifties that you find men that are your own age that genuinely just, they're like, oh, that's too much.

That's too much, you know, to deal with. Do you guys kind of agree with me with that? Have you had that type of experience? I was one of those girls when I met my ex-husband. That's exactly pretty much what I became. So this is what I learned from him. I'm gonna tell you now. Because I was so young at the time, he told me that obviously he was attracted to me, but that I was so much fun.

I was the fun girl, right? So I stayed the fun girl. And when I became a mom, I was no longer the fun girl. And that's when he stepped out. I did learn though, even though at the time that those things were happening, that we were having trouble in the marriage, I was blaming myself, but I learned that it wasn't me.

It was just him being selfish because he had the fun girl and he had the wife, he had the whole package. He just didn't know what to do with it. And then his easy way out was to just step out and that's what he did instead of handling what he had at home, you know, it was just easier to step out. But I, I was, I was the young girl and he was the older man, and I experienced that.

That's how we started out. You know, it was, he would drop me off at the mall and give me some money and go, here, go shopping. I got a meeting, I'll pick you up in an hour, and I'll Oh, okay. He would give me some money, drop me off at Dolphin Mall before it was what it is right now. I, I can't even go to Dolphin Mall.

I get lost, I get sick, I get anxiety, and I'm not even a person that gets anxiety like that, but it, it, it just like stirs me up. I can't go to that mall. It's too many things. It's overstimulating. But he would drop me off at the mall, give me money, you know, and then I would go shopping. That's how we started out until I realized.

I wanted more than that, but yeah, definitely. So it's just, um, it's easy for them to have someone that's naive and not thinking mm-hmm. Who won't stand their ground and won't demand respect or expect respect. Mm-hmm. Because all they're thinking about is eating that great meal at Houstons and hanging out on the guy's boat.

They're not thinking of how stupid they look is the truth. You look like you're hanging out with your dad, girl, go home. Yeah. No, sometimes it looks like a grandfather. But not only that, I, sometimes I think these men, I'm like, okay, bro, do you really wanna be like fifty five, fifty six years old with a newborn?

Like, I have an uncle like that. I, I, I think to myself, like, bro, like think, like, is this really, I have an uncle to start over like that, you know? Sorry, go ahead hun. No, no, no. I'm jumping into you. I have an uncle that did that. I have an uncle at Laden his age. Unfortunately he's no longer with us. Um, my tio Ralph, he did, he, he went off with some young Colombian chick.

And he was at the park with the kids and they thought he was the grandfather. You know, like, yeah. Wow. Yeah. I mean, it happens and it, we laugh about it, but also like a lot of these men are leaving their wives of many years. Mm-hmm. And they get with the younger woman, and then they're having kids all over again in their late fifties, some of them in their early sixties.

And you're like, what on earth have you, do you know what you have just done for your life? I mean, if you really think about it, it's, it's crazy to me. And then they get older and they get sick. You think she's gonna be there? She's out. You're right. She's out. Dude, that's what happened to my uncle Ralph.

I'm not lying. Listen, listen. No way. Not for nothing, but. Yes, younger. So he meets this younger woman, they marry whatever. She has a daughter. The kid now is in college. My uncle's dead. You know what I'm, I'm, but do you see what I'm talking about? Yeah. You can't even enjoy it. Yeah. I love you Theo, bro. But that's funny, you know, like, damn, you know the poor guy, he gave the last little squirt, you know, here's the kid and now he's in a wheelchair and the chick sucked the life out of him and he dies.

You know, like, y'all better watch out, stay stick to your age. I'm telling you, them young girls be drawing the life outta you. Keep on playing. My ex-husband that I was gonna give him a heart attack, he kept saying, you know, you're so young and you're so beautiful, you know you're gonna gimme a heart attack.

Well, you know, when we used to get crazy too, you know, you're gonna gimme a heart attack one day and I'm, ah, well guess what? He's dating an older chick than me right now. And he just had two stents put in in February.

It's not a lie, I promise. No, listen, listen. And I, I saw this thing on, on TikTok.

This guy was like, no Viejo, but an older man. He was like, probably like 55, 56, and he was talking to men. He wasn't talking to women and he was telling them, bro, all these guys leaving their wives and for all these, what the hell? Like, what are you guys doing? You know? And it's. Everything that we're talking about.

'cause it's all based on how they look. Yeah. But the reality is that shit ain't working. Mm-hmm. Hey, looks only last for so long. Yeah. You know, can she cook? You know, she can take care of you. You, when you ask sick, they don't clean, they, they're not thinking about that. The money take me out. Like if you are 55 years old and your girlfriend's 24, she ain't doing any of that shit.

She's with you for a reason. Period. So, think about it, guys. Think about it. And some of them are okay with that though. Some of them are totally fine with that. They're okay with having the young girl that, um, I, I, I was actually talking about this with somebody. So they, some of them are okay with having the younger trophy wife.

That's right. Yeah. Right. 'cause that's what they call it. Yeah. The trophy wife and looking like the grandfather. They're totally fine with that, you know, and they're even. Sometimes totally fine with the fact that, you know, the partner lives a across in another state, you know? Or that she travels often.

Maybe she's a model and she's gotta go to New York or Los Angeles here and Oh yeah, I don't care. I don't mind. Yeah, because you know, when she comes back, you know, you're still doing what you're doing. You know what I mean? But it's all here. It's all about the money. They're not caring, that's not real love.

And some of them are okay with that. Some of them are totally fine with you just being there for their money. They're totally fine with that. But you, you know, so again, back to just finding your person. Yeah. But you'd be surprised how many of these men end up wanting to go back to their first wives. Here, here, here to tell, tell us that story.

So it's been happening for the past several years because you guys have a friendship. We do have a friendship. Him and I are very close. Um, the, this is the father of my two kids.

I'm gonna call him that Tio. When I see him the next time he's gonna look at me and I go, the hell.

But, um, he has, and, and I considered it because I do still have that love for him. And I, he knows that I will always love that man. But he crushed my heart. You know? Um, I thought I was the light of his life. I thought, I thought it was all me and it, and it wasn't me. And it never was. Only just me. So you don't love me.

You love the idea of me and of having me, but you won't commit to me. So why would I take you back? You know? For all I know, he's still sending money to that chick that used to clean our house, you know, in fucking Honduras somewhere, because she got a kid whose daddy ain't around. You know what? I'm like, I don't wanna deal with that, that, and when we did finally talk about it, I was like, you know what?

If we would get back together, guess what? I don't think you'd be happy. You know why? Because every business trip you're going on, I'm fucking going the phone. They're linked together. Any social media page we're sharing. It's Jeanette and you, not just you. And you know what? I don't know if you're gonna be ready for that, because I wasn't like that before.

Before I was. Go do whatever you want. Hang out with your friends, because it was good. I thought I was good. I thought we were good. But now I know exactly who you are. I don't think you're gonna wanna live that way with me right now because you know why you broke that trust. I can't trust you. You've shown me that.

So why would I be with you? You know? And you're a completely different person from the first time. Totally different person. So we have a little, um. This is gonna be hilarious. So, uh, we have this, um, little saying that there's cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory. And that's because when we started out, I wanted to go eat at the Cheesecake Factory, and he told me there was no cheesecake there and I believed him.

That's how stupid I was. All that for Dick. I mean, come on. You know, I, he told me there was no cheesecake at the cheesecake. I was like, why would there not be cheesecake at the cheesecake? Why would they call it the Cheesecake Factory if it's not, you know. Yeah, but he told me that there was no cheese. So when you know, whenever we talk now, whatever, like through the years when I go, Hey, don't forget, I know that there's cheesecake at the cheesecake, but at least you have some type of positive relationship.

No, I love this man. We we're best of friends so he can come talk to me about his relationship. Right now all he wants, and I know how to control on how I will respond and, and it doesn't affect me in any way. Um, as far as like, I wish I was in her shoes type of thing, you know, like I wish I was back with him and he felt this way because, you know.

You see, Karma's a bitch. Whether you believe in it or not. It, it exists. And him and her are going through troubles now. And when I spoke to him the last time, he said, yeah, you know, I'm going through a really rough time. You know, we're, we're going through a separation. And I was like, separation. She lives in your house.

He goes, well, yeah, we, because I didn't know this. I know very little. I know she exists, but I know very little. 'cause we, I don't need to talk to him about her. Yeah, she's, you know, I'm trying to get out of the house is what he said. Mm Oh, okay. And um, he's like, is there something that you wanna tell me? So what had happened was I had a premonition and I called him in my dream.

I saw him in trouble. I had a dream the night before that conversation. And in my dream, him and I were in his car running away from something. So the next day I called him, Hey, how's it going? Are you okay? I had this really weird dream with you last night. How are you feeling? Because I know that he had the stents put in earlier on in the year.

He's like, I'm. I'm actually not okay right now. And I'm like, really? He goes, yeah. And we got into the conversation. He is, we're going through a separation, da, da, da. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, I'm so sorry to hear that. He's like, yeah. And then, um, so then he says, yeah, after all that effort, I was like, boy, look at You'all.

You ain't gotta tell me about effort. So when he said that. It did kind of hit me. 'cause I was like, wow. He put effort into that, but he didn't put effort. Mm-hmm. But that would've been like the psycho me already jumping up and down. Yeah. Being my usual Virgo. Right. So I had to stop that and then just say, be his friend.

Right? Mm-hmm. Because we're friends and I had to say, I know exactly what that's all about. I experienced the same thing with you. Why did I say that? 'cause I never told him that. And it probably wasn't the right time, but I took advantage of the moment and I had to tell him, now you see what it is to put effort and not get it back the next day.

I, 'cause he didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. After that we, because you know, we were talking and then we stopped and then we were texting. And then after that I had sent him like one of the last texts during that conversation, he didn't reply. So I know he got butt hurt on that. But I was like, yes.

I was finally able to say something back, you know, for me. Yeah. You know? So it was, it was, it was definitely a win. But again, coming back to, coming from your heart, right? Mm-hmm. Because I love and putting myself in his situation, not situation, his position, which I've been, I said to him the next day I text him, Hey, I just wanted to apologize.

For saying what I said to you yesterday, especially now during this hard time that you're going through. But I had to tell you. And he said, thank you. I appreciate that. And I understand, you know, so we're still both growing, but I definitely took advantage of that point. Yeah. The truth, the truth hurts. The it hurts.

Yeah, it did. I find it admirable when people can stay friends after that, because I, I often question myself. I don't think I, knowing the way that I am, I don't think that I could. So when I see people who are able to, to do what you do, I find that very, like, so admirable and, and an adult, you know, it's a great quality.

It's important, especially because of the kids. I think having the boys, um, you know, made it happen. I'm sure. I'm pretty sure that if we didn't have any kids, I could walk by 'em in the street. Like I wouldn't even know 'em, I wouldn't even look at 'em because that's, that's how I am. Okay. At the end of the day, if you and I finish off on bad terms, I can definitely walk by you in the street and not even look at you or acknowledge you.

Yeah. And Sandra, with your ex-husband and your ex-boyfriend, you have no contact with them. Right. So it's just you're done with, with both of them? I'm done with both. Especially my ex-husband because since the kids are adults mm-hmm. We really don't need to communicate. Mm-hmm. And, and my children as adults, chose not to communicate with him either.

Mm-hmm. And that's, you know, a decision that they made that I didn't influence, although my ex loves to say, what shit are they feeding you? Because he still thinks it's not him. Of course, you know that it's us very normal or someone else. Okay. He doesn't realize the experience that he made them go through while mm-hmm.

You know, he had them after we got divorced, but he still loves to blame, you know, us, me, my family, whoever he wants to for that. And with my ex-boyfriend, no, because since we, we don't have any ties or any connections and mm-hmm. No. Definitely would ignore him if I saw him in the street as well. If you could give your ex-husband a Yelp review, what would it say?

Oh God. There's so many times that I have played in my head what I would tell him if I ever had the chance. You know, I've, you know, I've typed it and erased it. There's just, you know, so many horrible things. Girl, this is your chance. This is it. You know, I'm gonna take the high real. Oh, wow. Okay. Okay.

Because it, I've played so many different scenarios. One star rating. It was mostly just not what he did to me. I'm a, I'm a woman. Mm-hmm. You know, and I can handle myself. It's more what he did to, to the children. Yeah. You know, what he did made them feel, making them go through. Now still, you know, sometimes my daughter still has PTSD, she's had panic attacks from after.

Oh, I'm so sorry. You know, because of her feelings and, and the feelings he's made, he still to this day, kind of harasses him through text in his own, you know, way so about wanting to be in their lives still and wanting to be in their lives, asking why they don't speak to him. Because what other people, you know, are making them feel or think not because of what he did.

Right. Got it. No accountability. You know, nothing ever had to do with him. So it's more things that I would tell him about how he's made my children feel, or what he made them go through less about me. Mm-hmm. Because it's no longer about me when we got divorced. Mm-hmm. And Sandra, what do you feel now? At the age that you're at is the most beautiful thing that you figured out about yourself after everything that you've been through?

Um, just surviving everything that I've been through and still holding my head up high and, and feeling, you know, positivity and happiness and not letting anything that happen in my past like affect me now currently or my future just. Being able to, to not, you know, I think to me it's break the barriers of what we felt women had to be when we were younger, you know, like that if you're not married, then you don't serve a purpose or you know, where everybody questions, you know, why you're not with somebody or, you know, it's just having to, I feel confident that I'm an independent individual doing things on my own and not being afraid to do them.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Without having to, to depend on somebody. Yeah. And Jeanette, how do you feel about that? What do you think has been the best thing that you have figured out about yourself and your womanhood? After everything that you've been through is how strong I've always been and I ignored it. And how I didn't go with my gut instinct because, because your body tells you.

Even if you don't feel like you have a gift, which I feel like I'm very gifted with, uh, intuition and, um, and my spirituality. Like I can walk into a room and, and I can already tell you who's not feeling their best today. Um, and I feel it. I find it a gift and a curse at the same time because sometimes it works against, but, um, I've just been able to find my strength and my, uh, being able to express myself and, um, just being able to move forward and not be afraid to say what I wanna say and just go with my gut instinct.

That's all. You know, like dating now? Um, not, I mean, I'm, I'm exclusively, I'm taken right now, but before mm-hmm. Before I was just, you know, again, just like what we've already been talking about. We, we know what we want, you know, but, um, I went through a phase where. I wanted to be, wanted so bad that I would still go out with somebody just because I thought they wanted me until I found out that they didn't really want me the way that I wanted to be wanted.

That makes sense, right? So I found myself giving myself to people and having sex with people that really didn't even appreciate me. But here I was doing it because I felt that sensuality, that connection that I want more with you type of thing, but that's not what they wanted. And so I just found that keeping to myself more and learning about myself more.

Again, like I said earlier, spending more time alone and knowing who I am and what I want, what I will accept and what I don't. That gut instinct will never steer you wrong no matter what you think. I strongly believe in that. I think the woman's intuition is the greatest gift that has been given to, to us.

Mm-hmm. I've been able to say no many times, you know, to people that I would've previously said yes to on a date. Um, you know, just, and they'll come back, Hey, let's go out next weekend. And they'll keep trying. No, no. I'm like, no, no, no. Thank you. No thank you. And I have to say, well, look, the last time we did go out, this is what happened, and I'm not cool with you like that, so don't ask me anymore.

You know, that's all sometimes, and it's scary, you know, like I said, I, I'm a big, uh, crime show. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah. I'm a big crime show, uh, watcher. You scary. You just never know who you're gonna meet. Yeah. You know, and sometimes you, you know, sometimes, sometimes you can tell somebody yes. They'll play your friend or what have you, you know what I mean?

And then they can come around and stalk you later or tell them no, and be straight up with them and just say, Hey, you're a nice guy, but you know, I don't, I don't think this is gonna work out. And they'll be like, yeah, okay. And then they're, you know, like, waiting for you while you gonna go throughout the trash tonight.

You know what I'm saying? Like, you just don't ever, you just have to be careful. Yeah. I'm like that too. Listen, I have my daughter on Life 360, and I know that I got Life 360. I know she's at a friend's house, right. But since you didn't text me, let me know you were there. How do I know that you're actually there and not in the pond?

Yes. That's behind your house. Yes. So what is Life 360 for people listening to us that may not know what that is? A tracking app? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You just, you, you can have a family, friends, whatever. Mm-hmm. You just track each other and you know, I see her every move. Mm-hmm. And, but you know, if you didn't text me mm-hmm.

Let me know that, oh, I'm, I'm here. We're, we're back at so-and-so's house. Okay. Goodnight. I wake up in the morning, I'm like, oh my God, where are you? And I'm calling you. Calling, calling you. Yeah. Because sometimes it'll show you kind of where they're at. Not an exact address, but if there's a lake nearby or maybe a street a lake, it'll show them there.

In the lake. In the lake. Yeah. That's what happened to me when I went to the spa. I didn't tell my daughter where I went, oh no, she's tracking me and it shows me at a complete stop in the middle of the street. Oh God. Okay. And she was like, my mom's been at the same spot. Oh no. In the middle of the street for way too long.

Something is wrong. She's in the lake. And so she was calling me and calling me and I had my phone on vibrate because I, you know, she was the spot getting a facial and, but I did have my watch on, so my watch kept going off and I had to tell the lady, I'm so sorry I have to make a phone call. Because I had a feeling that that's what was happening.

Yeah. Aw, she loves you. It's beautiful. She was like, where are you? Yeah, my sister, my sister called me the day, she's like, oh, I'm just calling to check up on you because the Life 360 hasn't picked up. Anything from your phone since Friday. And I'm like, okay, I'm alive. But it's a great app because I, well, I pay for it.

So it'll tell you when they make hard stops, all of that car accident, if they hit somebody, it'll notify you. That's awesome. Yeah. That's awesome. How many times they've used their phone. We gotta, we gotta tag life 360 on this so they can send a Exactly. Love. Yes. No, but I, I enjoy it. My, my dad's on it. My, uh, my whole family's on it.

So we are able to track each other and see every, where everybody's at. Right. So ladies, in sharing your stories, both of you, first of all, thank you because there's women listening that are probably gonna be like, oh, I can understand exactly what they're talking about. 'cause I'm going through that too.

And I wanted to ask if it was okay, knowing what you know now, if you could have gone back in time and changed certain things. What would, in your relationship, for example, with your husband, or even the 10 year relationship that you had with your boyfriend, what do you think would have been the first thing that you did for yourself to not waste valuable time or put yourself, or, or set better boundaries for yourself?

I think I wasted more time with my ex-boyfriend, probably than my ex-husband. 'cause since I met my ex-husband so young, and you know, you're kind of at that age where you, you know, you meet, you date you go out, and then the natural next step was marriage and children, you know, we went through that process without it being so awful.

Um, I think in that, in the part of my marriage, it was more him than me. Like, I think he went through a lot of mental, you know, situations that led him to start, you know, strain away or just, you know, a lot of that was on him. So with, with that part, I don't think. I would've changed a lot because we were, what I thought growing together.

Mm-hmm. Which we were really growing apart. Um, I think I did waste too much time with my ex-boyfriend that I do regret giving him too much of my time. Especially now knowing that it was my most valuable. I mean, I'm still having a great time, but I think that a decade ago. Mm-hmm. Um, had I made a little bit of different choices, not staying with him as long I could have found maybe someone else that I would've been with now building, you know, our future.

'cause you know, right now I'm looking for a partner that matches me, my lifestyle and what I'm, you know, what I would want. He wasn't matching that for me. Right. But again, it was that illusion of thinking, oh, it's gonna happen. Um, so what I would change is not giving him that much time. How much time, honestly, do you think a person in that situation should give?

Should it be a year, no more than two years? What? What do you think about that? I would probably say two. I think your first year, what everybody calls the honeymoon phase is real. The first year is always artificial. I think you settled a little bit more after that first year. So I would definitely say after a year and a half, close to two years, I agree with you.

You should know, I think by two years you know what you got. And if you haven't been able to get out of that relationship with the what you both want, you need to move on as quickly as possible. Definitely, yeah. What about you, Jeanette? Do you agree? No, I agree. I'm right with you on that. I, um, and, and it, this, again, it's from experience because I, prior to Michael, I did have a long distance relationship.

Um, and it was for approximately two years. And it's because I decided to cut it off by that time. Good for you? Because I wasn't seeing what I wanted. Uh, the reciprocation wasn't there. There was a lot of, um, you know, just false, um, interpretation of a lot of things. And I also noticed that, uh. At the end of the day, as much as he was telling me that he wanted something long-term, he wasn't acting on that.

And the more that I would bring things up to make it, you know, to secure it, like things like, you know, like, can I leave some clothes at your house so that when I come back, then I, 'cause this guy lived outta state, you know, so we, again, you know, I'm coming back and forth and I was like, I, I would like to leave some things at your house, you know, so I don't always have to bring like a full bag.

And you know, that's when I noticed he's not gonna want this really, you know, so here he was feeding me on how he loved me and the whole thing and mm-hmm. The same shit, you know, on the phone every day and the whole thing. Truck driver guy. And the whole bit. Um, but then at the end of the day, you know, I, I noticed, I noticed what was going on and I knew I had to cut it off, and it was really difficult for me, but that's where I knew that I grew.

So your person is coming, Sandra. Aw, all right. They're just, they're getting fucked over by somebody else right now so they can get ready for you. That's what's happening. Yeah, they're good and ready. And that's pretty much what happens, to be honest with you, because, um, like speaking with Michael now, my new relationship, you know, he mentioned to me that his wife and himself just grew apart, like you mentioned, right?

But, um, he says that. That with what we have and how things are going. You, we were talking about a year, almost two years. This is, I, I definitely agree with that. You shouldn't put any more time into that if you're not getting what you want already within that time. 'cause it's not gonna happen. Um, especially at our ages.

It's not gonna happen. You can't season somebody right now. You gotta start that way before. Um, but yeah, you know, like right now we're, we're, we're getting everything out of the way right now. I need to know, you know, your kids, you know, like, you know, like things like that. You know, like, how are you and your ex-wife?

Are you guys cool? You know, like, prepare me right now for what's gonna happen. You know, like right now she calls him still to still clean the freaking pool and I already checked that shit because he got two sons. There's two men in the house. I'm not gonna tell you what to do. Back to the step parenting, co-parenting thing, right?

Mm-hmm. Here we go. But I'm also a mother of three sons and you have two men in the house. You don't need to be going over there cleaning no pool. You have two men in the house teach them how to clean the damn pool so they can clean the pool, because at the end of the day, they're the ones using it, not you.

Yeah. You know, but he came back and he's like, damn, babe. You're right. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. But, um, and again, you know, we're, we're gonna feed off of each other and we're gonna bounce off of each other, but yeah. I don't think that more than more than a year, to be honest with you. You gotta really, you gotta be strict with your time.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Just like when you go to work and you clock in and you clock out, right? Mm-hmm. You have to be there from whatever, 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM for x. Instance for myself, uh, they're not gonna pay me Yeah. If I'm not there on time. Right. Yeah. And if I clock out before, you know, so it's, it's, it's, it's, it's simple.

People make it difficult. Yeah. It's very simple. And that's what Michael and I are on right now. You know, we're focused on me and you. Mm-hmm. You know, we have, uh, you know, forget the noise. Forget the outside noise is what we say all the time. And he's freaking out right now over Instagram. Oh my God. You got 3000 followers, you know?

Yeah. But who am I talking to every day? Who has my attention every day? That's what you need to focus on. Don't focus on who's watching me, who's commenting on me. Focus on the fact that you have my attention mm-hmm. Every single day. Yeah. And I wanna be with you. Okay. If you had a 22-year-old girl in front of you right now, what's advice that you would give her in regards to time and dating and red flags?

I would tell her everything we're talking about today, I would let her know what I experienced and what to look out for as far as, you know, the men that wanna buy you and not really take care of you. And, and it's not that there's bad people, you know, it's unfortunate. It's just that people learn to, uh, they learn this behavior.

Um, you ever, you ever read that book, the Five Love Languages? Yeah. No, I haven't get it. I'm not a reader. I did the audio, but it explains how people love in different ways. Mm-hmm. This is, again, back to finding your person, right. People, my ex-husband, he loved me by buying things for me, but he wasn't there for me emotionally.

And that's what I needed. And we never met that. Fast forward, Michael. Michael doesn't let a day go by without telling me how beautiful I am, how much I mean to him, how much he wants to be with me, how he's never felt, what he feels now. Like, you know, I, I wanna, I wanna fucking move to New York right now.

Do you feel like you're in love? I feel it. I do. I do. I feel it. I, I can look into his eyes and I wanna cry. Being is great. It's not overrated. It's crazy. Like, I can, we can, we, we FaceTime is, you know, for the most part. And, you know, when we're talking I just, I just get lost in his eyes. He's got these beautiful blue eyes.

You have beautiful eyes too. Thank you. Thanks to my daddy. And, um, yeah. You know, so we just, we, we try, we bounce off of each other, but it's, it's going so well right now because I don't wanna wait two years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna ask you everything right now. As it happens. I'm not waiting anymore. I'm not gonna be that naive little girl and let the man take the lead, because that's what we learned, right?

Mm-hmm. As Latin women, I'm not gonna do that anymore. Oh, what are you doing? Hey, right now? Huh? This not gonna work? No. Yeah, we gotta talk about this right now. Resolve? Yeah, talk and resolve. Because? Because I don't wanna waste any time. And I tell him the same thing. I don't wanna waste any time. I don't wanna waste your time.

I don't wanna waste my time. And time is something that you will never, ever get back. You don't get it back. And when I talk to young women in their twenties and their thirties, I always say to them, you got a good 20 years. You be careful. How much of those 20 years of the best years of your life you give to the wrong person.

Mm-hmm. You will never get that time back. You should not be dating anyone for eight years if they're not giving you anything to show for that, those eight years. For sure. It is critical for us as women to look out for our young ladies. Definitely. So, so I hope that this show has been an inspiration for, sorry, um, for anybody that's listening, that's just starting their life after divorce.

Yeah. Um, what's one piece of advice that you would give them? Um, well be prepared. Um, it's always good to. Even while you're married, to have your own kind of like net worth, you know, to just be mentally, physically, financially prepared because it is hard, um, to do things on your own, especially with this type of economy in the sense that, you know, going from multiple to to one.

Um, so I think it's just always be prepared no matter what and, um, to always feel like you're not alone. Like sometimes you feel like you are, but you really do have to dig deep for that inner strength and voice like we've talked about a lot today, finding your voice because. You feel like a failure because of a divorce 'cause you think, oh, I did something wrong, or something went wrong.

But it's really a sign that that person wasn't meant to be. That wasn't meant to be for you, for your family, for anybody. Like it doesn't, you know, follow those signs knowing that you're meant to not continue on that path and a different path will come. What about you, Jeanette? I would just say to, again, just take more time for yourself to know who you are and what you want, and to be ready for those dates that you're gonna turn down, even though you wanna go.

'cause you're, you know, your hormones are kicking and you're feeling however you're feeling, you know, because it happens. I mean, you know, I guess, I guess at this table today, I'm, I'm, I'm a little bit, a little bit more of the wilder one, if you want to say, you know, um, 'cause the stories are very similar.

But, um, if you can, if you, I analyze, you'll see where on my side for, for the reasons, you know, that it was just a little bit more amplified and that, and it had to do with, because of where I was mentally at the time. Very unstable. I was very unstable, so I was doing crazy things, you know? Um, but I would definitely just say to stay more focused on yourself.

Don't, don't think about trying to go find somebody right away. Mm-hmm. You know, accept the, I agree with that. Accept the time. Take it for yourself. Learn who you are. Mm-hmm. Be in your own skin. Be comfortable in your own skin so that when you do find your person, you can do, like what I'm doing today. I, I'm gonna sit down and I'm gonna tell you what I like, what I don't like, what's working, what's not working.

And this is something that I mentioned to Michael the other day, what he wasn't too happy about. And it's that I told him, you know what? And at the end of the day, after we do everything that we're doing, if it doesn't work, then it just doesn't work. Mm-hmm. And that's okay. What You're gonna be okay with that?

I said, babe, no, I won't be okay with it. But if that's what God wants, if that's what the if, if that's what it calls for for us. I wasn't even gonna say it, but if that's what it is and that's what it is. And you know what? Thank you for the experience. Mm-hmm. Thank you for being in my life. Thanks for meeting you.

Aw, thank you for everything. You know what? I want it to end. No, but that's why we have to find resolution and we have to talk about things. Yeah. And that's the beauty that you got there. Yeah. Through everything that you've gone through, that you've grown into this beautiful woman. Mm-hmm. Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you. Thank you ladies for sharing your stories. Of course. It really means a lot to us. Great time. Marita has something she wants to say and she's gonna share something with us right now. I. I wanna start by saying, I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes. I haven't walked your path, and I won't pretend to fully understand what it feels like to be dating at this stage of life.

But what I do know is this, it takes strength to show up again after heartbreak. It takes courage to open your heart in a world that often misunderstands women over 40, and it takes deep self-respect to keep choosing yourself even when it's tempting to settle, just to feel seen. You are rewriting the narrative.

You are living proof that wisdom, experience, and self-knowledge are beautiful and powerful. I may not know this world you're navigating, but I see you. I admire your resilience. I respect your honesty, and I believe that what you're doing, putting yourself out there, staying open and growing through it all is not only brave, it's inspiring.

Not because you're searching for someone to complete you, but because you already are complete. And any love that finds you now will simply be a reflection of the love you've cultivated for within yourself. You're not behind, you're not too late. You are right on time.

Ly not great. That was beautiful. I'm crying. I love it. Oh my God, thank you. But yeah, I'm so there. I'm, I loved it. That was amazing. That was very beautiful. Mm-hmm. It's true. I was beautiful. I see it. Yeah. Very beautiful. You are enough. Thank you. You are both enough. Thank you all for having us today. No, thank you.

But from the bottom of our hearts and read's a therapy too. You know, this is gonna help so many women just, just sharing your stories because nobody hears famous. Nobody hears a, a celebrity. We're just normal Latina women in our own South Florida community, and we have stories and they matter. Sharing is caring, sharing is caring.

So thank you. Thank you ladies, so much for, for your sharing your stories. Eima. Thank you for listening. Make sure to subscribe to our show so you don't miss an episode. We will be dropping an episode every two weeks. Oh yeah. No, like seriously subscribe now. So just chill to the next episode. Follow us on Insta and.