Renal Medullary Carcinoma (RMC); Jame's Fight, Heather's Voice

In this deeply moving episode, we sit down with Heather Noel to talk about her husband James — their story, his fight, and the legacy he left behind.

Heather and James's love story started young — high school sweethearts who built a life together. That life was upended when James was diagnosed with Renal Medullary Carcinoma (RMC), a rare and aggressive kidney cancer tied to the sickle cell trait, disproportionately affecting people of African descent.

Heather opens up about the fight that followed: doctors who dismissed his symptoms, medical care that fell short, and family dynamics that made an already devastating diagnosis even harder to navigate. Given just three months to live, James defied the odds — surviving for years thanks to specialized treatment at MD Anderson in Texas and a resilience that inspired everyone around him.

This episode is both a tribute to a man who left a lasting mark on his community and a call to action: raising awareness for a disease too few people know about. At its heart, this is a story about advocating fiercely for yourself and the people you love — and about a love that didn't end when the fighting got hardest.

A conversation about grief, strength, and what it means to truly show up for someone.

RMC awareness/research:

• RMC Alliance – https://rmcalliance.org/
• The RMC Research Foundation – https://www.thermcresearchfoundation.org/

MD Anderson RMC treatment page:

• https://www.mdanderson.org/cancer-types/kidney-cancer/renal-medullary-carcinoma.html

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Transcript

Oye, mi gente, you're listening to the Red Lips Real Talk Podcast, where we talk about life, love, and everything in between. You already know, it's time to get real. Dale.

James Noel was 41 years old. He was a son, he was a brother, he was a father, he was a husband, and he was a good friend to many. James was a beautiful soul with a smile that lit up every time he walked into the room. He was the kind of man that everyone loved, and I mean everyone, because in all the years that I knew him, I never really heard anyone say one bad word about him.

And I want you to think about that for a moment. Think about how rare that is, that most, most of us, if we're honest, can't really say that about many people that we know. But we could say that about James, because James was a beautiful soul. James passed away of a cancer that most of you have probably never heard of.

It's called renal medullary carcinoma, also known as RMC. It is an extremely rare, highly aggressive form of kidney cancer. It almost exclusively affects young adults of the African descent who carry the sickle cell trait or have sickle cell disease. James fought it, and he fought it hard because his will to live was very strong.

And the disease that took his life is sitting quietly inside 1 in 14 Black Americans right now, and the scary thing is that some of them don't even know it. This is James' story. And here at Red Lips, we want to raise awareness about this rare disease and at the same time, pay tribute to a man who truly deserves it.

So let's give a warm welcome to his beautiful wife, Heather Noel, who's here today to share his story. Welcome, Heather. Thank you. Welcome. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you so much. Heather, I wanted to ask you a simple question. Let's talk about who was your husband to you? The guardian angel I never knew I had until he was gone He was such an amazing person.

He was always aware of everyone in the room, the way he addressed, spoke, the way he would find a way to just lighten the load if you were having a bad day. If someone said a certain comment or look at someone a certain way, he would just softly, so meticulously to approach them and say, "Hey, why did you do that?"

And he would notice- Mm-hmm ... the shift in how someone felt, and he would address the person instead of addressing the person that felt bad. He was like, "Hey, you're okay." Mm-hmm. "No," and then they'll point and say, "Oh, it was that person." Mm-hmm. And he would just go and address that person- Yeah ... versus, you know, or, and address them and ask them like, "Did you notice what you just did?"

Mm-hmm. And that was like if we think of what an angel looks like or is- Mm-hmm ... walking on earth, it was James. It was James. That was him. Um, spaces where for me, I would be like, you know, "Why not?" And he'll be like, "No, Heather, you need to think thoroughly, or you're not processing." Mm-hmm. He would remind me, and now he's not here in a lot of spaces, I realize.

Yeah. He was that for me. Well, let's take it back a little bit to some happier times. Yes. How did you meet James? High school. Wow. So your high school love. Yes. In high school, um, I was in FBLA, uh, which is Future Business Leaders of America, and I used to sell, like, patties or whatever it was to sell to the student body- Mm-hmm

to raise money. And, you know, I came from a family that didn't have much. Um, and so I would always sell everything. Mm-hmm. And so they used to sell Jamaican patties, and I would go in the hallways upselling, and I would sell, like, 150 to 200 patties. Wow. Yeah. Fun fact, I love Jamaican patties. Oh. And, um, through doing that, he would...

He started calling me the patty girl. Oh. And I was like, "What?" He was like, "Yeah, you're the patty girl." Mm-hmm. Um, and then there was one time we were in gym class, and there was a kid that he w- his fellow football mate, he went up to him, and he's just like, "You see that girl? I'm gonna marry her." Wow. This in 11th grade.

Wow. We weren't dating, and I was like, "What?" Yeah. I was like, "Okay." And he- Brian goes, "Yeah, I think he's gonna marry you. He always do what he says. He does that in football. He does that in his classes." Mm-hmm. Um, "I think it's, it, it's true." And I was like, "Yeah, whatever." Yeah. I just fast-forward and just left it alone.

Fast-forward to 12th grade- Mm-hmm ... he came up to me, and he was like, "I know I told you that I like you before." I was like, "No, you didn't." He was like, "Yes, I did. When I told you that-" "... I was gonna marry you, that meant that I like you-" Yeah "... and I want to love you one day." Aw. And I was like, "Yeah." "And I want to love you one day."

One day. Oh, wow. That's really sweet. And I was like, "Okay, I guess." I was like, "Well-" "... my dad works in construction. He got combat boots, and I don't think-" Yeah "... he wants to, you know, meet any guys right now." Yeah. And, um, and fast-forward, um, towards the end of the school year, he asked me out to go to prom. So from prom, we went as friends, and we came out as lovers and- Yeah

the rest is history. So I think it's safe to say he was really, like, your first true- Yes ... love. Yes, he was. That's a beautiful thing, Heather. Yes, my first true love. That's special. It really is. He was very, um, intentional. Well, he knew he loved you. Yeah. Yeah. That's the, a really... That's a rom-com, girl. So- Yeah

what's a story about James, um, that you think everyone should know about James? Ooh Maybe something that a lot of people don't know but you think should know. Well, since he was a football player, um, a lot of people always thought that jocks aren't the smartest. Um, he was honor roll, and he always spoke on knowing where he came from and where he wanted to be.

So even in the spaces that people would think or prejudge what they saw- Mm-hmm ... you know, they would... Was really big on, "I always get prejudged." Um, but he always gave his best. And so in school, he always gave his best, and when he graduated high school, he was like, "I barely made it." He had, like, a 2.0, fighting to get to college.

And then he said he made a promise to himself that, "When I get to college, I'm gonna get all A's, and I'm gonna make sure that I get my bachelor's and master's, like, back to back." And he graduated within the top 10%- Wow ... of his class. Wow. Got his master's in one year and superseded. He said he gave himself eight years, and he did it in five.

Wow. And so I think that's one story that he was so proud of, and then from it, he made sure... I have, like, so much brothers, and I'm sure you know. Yeah. Yeah. I have 10, 10 brothers. Yeah. And he made sure all of them, um, continue, and they follow his footsteps, go into IT and- Mm-hmm ... um, getting their degrees. So he was a role model for your- He was a role model

for your family. Yeah. Yes. I could see that. I could see that. I- He t- I met your husband at- Yes ... at a job. Um, he was the IT guy. Yes. Um, and you know, things... It was a lot of people. It was about 400 employees, uh, when it was all said and done within a couple buildings, and, uh, every time something went wrong, we had to call IT, and m- most of the time James picked up the phone, and he'll be like, "Hey, what's up, Jasmine?"

Yep. And I'd be like, "James, um, my comp..." He goes, "Turn it off and turn it back on again." Usually that always solved it. Um, but then it would be more serious stuff, and he'd be like, "All right, I'm coming," and he would come, and he would fix it, and everyone would be like, "Yay." Yes. And everybody just loved him, and you know, it was a predominantly Latino environment, and James would walk in, and I tell you, and I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but there are a lot of stereotypes, you know?

And I think with our Latino culture, people grew to love him so much that it made them better people- Yeah ... if you understand- Yeah ... what I mean by that. And, um, your husband was selfless. He was in- infectious with his smile. He was kind. He was funny, and he was highly intelligent. Yes. And I like that you shared that story because, um, it just shows that he wanted to be the best version of himself, and he did it.

He did. So that shows a big character- Yeah ... about who your husband was. He knew what he wanted, and he- He- ... went for it. He did. And like- And he married you. Yes. And you guys- He was so intentional in everything. Yeah. And it's like now sometimes it's so overwhelming- Mm-hmm ... that I would see it and be like, "Well, I'm so proud of you."

Mm-hmm. But when I create a timeline, I'm like, "He checked all the boxes." Mm-hmm. "He checked all the boxes." Yeah. He was like, "I wanna have four kids." Mm. And then we had three. Mm. And he was like, "I got buy one, get one free 'cause..." Do you wanna carry your ch- Do you wanna share your children's names? Yes. Okay. Um, we started off with Mia, and, um, oh, he was obs- he's obsessed with Mia.

He's like, he's like, "I don't care what anyone say. Whoever comes after, this is my favorite child." Aw. Mm-hmm. He loved her so much. Um, and then we had twins. That was a surprise. Those were the surprise babies And shortly after that, we found out that he was sick. Okay. But- Are you ready? Mia and Giongi is the- Okay

the boy and girl. The boy. Yeah. So, right, so that you had a girl and a boy- Yes ... twins, and then your first daughter. Yes. So three children. Yeah. What are, what are their ages? Um, their ages, Mia's nine. She should be 10 this year. Yeah, and the twins are seven. Okay. Wow. So Heather, how did you know when something started to go wrong?

Um, when James was working at Bupa, and Bupa moved down to the, um, Burger King building. I think that was in Cutler Bay? Uh, Cutler Bay. Yeah. Yes. Mm-hmm. So when they moved to the Cutler Bay, um, he had this thing where he... You know, James was big in exercising and health- Mm-hmm ... and so he would, he would complain that, "I, you know, when I get off, I, I don't have enough time to drive from down south to go to the gym.

And then if I stay at the gym, um, that's closer to my job, then it's ha- it's harder, um, to, um, get home and get to you." So during lunch, he would run around the building with people, with whomever wanted to participate. And so he started complaining about having flank pains. So what is it called? I guess, like, your appendix.

I guess he thought it was, like, his appendix. What does flank pain mean? Flank. Um, what is it when you say, like, your side hurts from running? Uh, or you drink too much water. Oh. I forgot what it's called. There's a term. I forgot what it's called too, but I know what you're talking about 'cause it, you feel it right here.

Yes. It's close to your appendix. Mm-hmm. Okay. And so, um, flank is basically your, like, close to your rib. Okay. Like, above your groin, in between your stomach. Yeah. And so he started to feel, um, a lot of pain, but he couldn't... So then he would usually stop, rest a little, and then it would go away. But it got to a point where he felt like it was bulging, and even if he drank water or he stopped and rest, he would literally have to lie flat on the floor- Mm-hmm

to feel some type of relief. I don't mean to interrupt you, but how old was he when this started happening? 34. 34. Yes. Okay. He was 34 years old. Okay. So I wanna say it was, like, couple years, like, two, two, two, almost three years prior to the actual diagnose. Wow. And so it hits me now- Mm-hmm ... that I remember him telling me years before- Mm-hmm

that I'm having pain. And so me, I'm big on, "All right, let's go to the doctor." Mm-hmm. And he was like, "No." There he goes. He called it cramp. Mm-hmm. "I'm cramping." Okay. And then he always said that when he was in football, it was the same thing. He would get a lot of cramps. And I would say, "Well, this is not football, and then you're not running as hard, so I think we should go to the doctor."

And even in going to the doctor, because he couldn't replicate what was happening during his run, they would just send him home. Oh. How does that make you feel? Terrible. Yeah. That makes me angry. Personally, that makes me angry. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's... They dismiss the symptom. No scans are done. Um, no follow-up really.

And if it's a follow-up, it's just, "Okay, we'll just check for your regular checkup." Were these doctor's visits, or were you going to, like, urgent care centers? No, these are, like, going to his PCP. Wow. And the downside to that was by the time they get the results or you get an appointment to follow up, he's having the symptom in between, and then they don't have the room to say, "Hey, you can come tomorrow."

You know? It's more of, "All right, we only have this available, and it's in two months- Mm-hmm ... or three months for you to be able to come in to see your PCP." So this went on for years. Wow. I know. This definitely went on for- Remember Monica ... at least three years ... we were talking about that, about how they just- Don't do the, I guess, uh, testing- Yeah

'cause you're not having the symptoms, so they just, like, brush it off. That's exactly what happened. Yeah. It's like a dismissive thing. Yeah. Yeah. They dismiss. And we were just talking about on... with another young lady that was sharing something about her mom, how we were saying you have to move around and find other doctors that are willing to listen to you, but we stay loyal to maybe that one physician.

I don't know if that's your case. That was James. That was James. Me, I'm big on if I feel something and you're not responsive, I s- I switch. I, I, I complain. I talk. I talk amongst other women. Mm-hmm. And if they recommend me a doctor or someone's in the medical industry and she happens to be a nurse or whomever, and they're like, "Okay, I s- Let me call such and such so I can see if I can get you in," and by the time that we fast-forward almost three years that J- he gets diagnosed, um, we switched doctors, and that's how we end up finding out.

Oh my God. It was through having to switch doctors, and it was also a friend that was a nurse. She worked at the doctor's, a urologist office. Mm-hmm. And she was like, "You know what? Instead of waiting for your PCP- Mm-hmm ... let's just go straight to the specialist, and let's just r- w- you know, you're super young, but let's just run some tests that maybe in the older, you know, category- Right

in your 40s- Mm ... you might be doing these tests or early 50s. Yeah. Um, let's just do it now. You know, go straight to the specialist, and he can tell you all the tests that he can run just to get to the bottom to see if there is something." So- Was it the same pain for three years? The same- It was the same pain, but it got worse.

It kept getting worse? Yes. And from it getting worse, um, we came out and we s- and we came out... Well, he actually came out and said, "You know what? Why not?" So prior to that, when the flank pains got worse, he started urinating blood. Mm. There was blood in the urine- Wow ... but like the Red Sea. Wow. It was so dark.

And so when that would happen, it would be at home. But then when he would have to go for testing, they would be like, "Okay, could you be able to, you know, do the same thing and we can test it?" And there was... We... He could never do it. It was always random, but at home, but never when he went for testing. I shouldn't have to do it again- I know

for you to figure out what's wrong with me. Yes. That's insane. Yeah. I agree. I agree. And so there was one time that he went to the restroom, and it randomly happened that morning, and he was like, "Heather- I went to go pee and I literally saw like, like something brown just popped out. And I was like, "What?"

He was like, "I stuck my hand in the toilet and I grabbed it and I put it in a napkin and wrapped it." Wow. Because he was like, "I can't figure out why, you know, I'm peeing blood, and then I- I'm urinating blood and I can't get them to give me some type of further testing." So prior to us listening to our friend to get him- Mm

an appointment at the urologist, um, when that incident happened where he urinated and he pulled out the little piece, it, it looked like it was a clot. Like a blood clot. Yeah. Yeah. Which it was. Okay. And so he took that, put it in a container, and brought it to the doctor, and they were like, "Oh, okay," and they threw it out.

What? And that's when I was like, "That's it. We need to find someone else." Yeah. And then- And his primary didn't even think to say, "Okay, you know, you need to see a urologist." Like, um- No. No. What? At all. Never referred him to a urologist. I'm just- Never ... trying to just process all... This is just ins- Never. Always told him- Complete negligence

"You're so young. You don't look like- Right ... you need it." Yeah. And there was a time where they ran some tests on his urine. They were like, "Oh, we weren't able to get the results back," but this is like three months in. And we asked them, "Why is it taking so long?" "We don't know." And then when it came back and they were like, "Oh, it's inconclusive."

And I was like, "What is inconclusive?" They was like, "Yeah, we don't seem to find anything," and he had like maybe like ketones- Mm-hmm ... but nothing crazy. Um, and that was it. That was that. I was like, "Okay, this is different." And then from that we contacted our friend and- And you took it from there ... took it from- So let's take it back a little bit on family history.

Was there anyone on his side, m- maternal or paternal, that had something similar like this happen to them at one point? No. No. Okay. No His dad had the sickle cell trait and so did his mom But they didn't have any s- s- symptoms or problems. They just had the sickle cell trait. Yes, that's correct. Wow. And his dad, um, when he passed, when he transitioned- Mm-hmm

he had, like, a brain tumor. Okay. So it was not related. In passing, but it wasn't related. Okay. It wasn't related to... You know, but that was, like, towards the end of his life. But there was nothing related to the sickle cell trait triggering a brain tumor. Okay. I understand. Okay. Does that make sense? It does.

There was no... He didn't have, like, cancer. It was just like- It wasn't related. No. Yeah, there was no relation. No. It was just something separate. It was something separate. Huh. Okay. So now you're three years in dealing with this, and then until you finally say, "We're gonna listen to my friend who's a nurse," and guided you to a urologist.

Yes. And you start with a new physician. Yes. Let's take it from there. So from starting with that new physician, he said, "All right. What we're gonna do, we're gonna run all the tests. And we're gonna run, um, what is it? A colonoscopy." Mm-hmm. Like, it was like everything that you would do if you were older, we're gonna do it now.

Okay. Um- And he did that, and upon- So he's

about 37 around this time? 'Cause he's- At this time, he's at 37. We're still... So it would be three years prior- Okay ... before we had Mia. So this is prior to us having our first child. Okay. So we hired in 2016, so this is probably, like, not long after we got married. Yeah. Maybe, like, 2014, early 2014. Okay. And so then when we fast-forward, 2014, twen- I would say more.

I'm sorry. It's okay. 2015, and then we had Mia a year later. And then about two years to the... Two years after that, we had the twins. So he was diagnosed right after we had the twins- Okay ... in 2019. 2019. Yes. Okay. And so I wanna say, so around that time when he was diagnosed- Mm-hmm ... he had to have been, like, 36.

Yeah, he was a very young man. Yeah. Okay. And so the, all the issues that he was having, yeah, it was prior to Mia, so it's, like, 2015. Yeah. One Which is probably the ignorance of the primary care physician because he was a young, healthy, strong- Yes ... man and was like, oh, dismissive. The, it, it was every time, and he was like, "Are you sure?"

Yeah. And he never missed a doctor's appointment, always went to do all his checkups. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah, he was like, "I need to..." His big thing was, "I need to make sure that I outlive my dad," 'cause his dad passed when he was 53, and so he was like, "I'm gonna always do all my checkups." Aw. That's heartbreaking. So I- Yeah

don't... You know, so I'm here. I want- Yeah ... I need to be here. He had a lot to live for. Yes. You and, and your beautiful children and the family. Yeah. Yeah. He- He was a, a good guy and a good family man. Yes, he was. So this may be a little difficult to get into, but, um, let's talk about the first conversations you started having with the doctors who started to really give you the diagnosis.

So that was Dr. Simon, and he's the urologist that ran the tests. Upon running a particular test, um, James was still bleeding. He was still u- um, bleeding when he urinated, and Dr. Simon came out and he said, "All right. Since we were able to find blood in the urine through running the test," and he did like a series of tests where he made him, if he urinated at home, he gave him containers to catch it and then bring it in.

Mm. That was like a major difference. Yeah. And it was a relief. Meanwhile, the other one threw it away. Yes. Mm. Yeah. And he was like, "If we can be able to catch that, then we can test that, and we should get something." Mm-hmm. So there was one container where it was so much that he was like, "All right. We need to do a s- procedure," um, which was laparoscopic.

Um, and so we should be able to get to the bottom to see where, um, is this coming from. And he was like, "You know, this might be like, um, what's called? Like, kidney stones." Mm-hmm. "So maybe, you know, you're passing some type of kidney stones." Did he experience pain while he urinated? No. No. He was fine. He was fine.

Okay. He said he didn't feel anything, and that was the number one tickler where he was like, "All right. Well, if you're not having pain, you're only having pain right before you urinate." But during, he was fine. And so that was where his doctor said, "Okay. Well, we need to at least get a container that has, you know, it containing, um, blood so that we can test it, and then, um, we can move forward.

If we test it and I see... You know, based on whatever we see, that'll determine the next step." And he was like, "The next step will be the laparoscopic procedure to go in with a camera to see if there is any type of clotting, and then from there we can move to the next step." So then we're... He was able to get the test, and test and came back, and it basically just said, um, um...

He was like, "You know, it's just, uh, he sees a lot of clotting," um, "so he's gonna go and move to the next step to see what is going on." So after that happened, he did the... I forgot the name of the procedure that was performed, but he said upon going in they saw a lot of blood, and it was just like everywhere.

So the camera couldn't be able to tell, so he pulled the camera out because he said, "Once you see that there's so much clots- Mm-hmm ... it could be cancerous, and you don't want it to spread." That's a lot to take in. And we were like, "What?" And he was- So that's the first time you heard the C word? That's the first time that C word came out.

And I was like, "Okay." And James was like, he was shocked. He didn't really know how to respond, but he was like, "Okay, we're just gonna keep it positive." And so he end up, um, pulling the camera out and then referring him to a, another specialist. Um, and that specialist, he was just, like, a kidney specialist. And then he went on and said, "We're gonna run more tests to make sure."

Mm-hmm. So it's... And now he referred us from Memorial to UM, and it was so many different appointments. Um- Was your experience different once you were in the UM, um, bubble? They were amazing. Yeah. It was like I didn't know this world existed. Yeah. I, I bring that up because, uh, you know, we've been doing this quite a while, and we talk with other people, and everyone always says that that's, like, the forefront for- It was like-

more major ... why didn't we go to them first? Yeah. Mm-hmm. You have to be your own advocate. You really do. It's like- That's, that's what we're learning. Yeah ... I was so shocked. Yeah. From the ease of the planning. We came from, like, begging to, "Oh, no, we found the time." Day and night, it was scary. And I was like, "James, this is real."

Like, it shocked me because we came from waiting for three months for results, then waiting for another two, three months to get you on the calendar to follow up about the results. And then there's places who give you the results in an hour. Yes. That's another world. That- Yeah ... so that's exactly what happened.

Yeah. Yeah. They ran more tests. Mm-hmm. We came back two days later to follow up on the test, and the doctor came out and he said, "We see a tumor, um, and we need to get it removed." Excuse my ignorance, but where was the tumor at, tumor at? Um, it was confined in the kidneys, which is even harder, right? Yeah. You need to- Yeah

you can't see a tumor in the kidneys, so- Was it both kidneys? No, it was in his left kidney. His right kidney was fine. It, was it not possible to just remove the whole kidney? They did. 'Cause people can survive on... Oh, they did. They did. Okay, sorry. I didn't mean to fast-forward. Like, like everything happened so fast.

So this is like we're coming from two and a half, no, more than two and a half years, almost three years of trying to get appointments to we met the specialist in September of 2019. Mm-hmm. November 5th, 2019- Mm-hmm ... they're removing his kidneys. Mm. His kidney, his left kidney. And I was like, "Why couldn't this happen sooner?

I'm confused." And James is, like, as positive as you're gonna ever see. "Babe, don't worry about what didn't happen three years ago, but it's happening now." Mm. "And that's all that matters." Yeah. It's like, okay. It's like, listen, I got a wife, I got three kids, I got all these people to feed. I don't care. I just care about it's being removed, and it's gonna preserve me, and that's it.

So we fast-forward, November, kidney gets removed, then there's recovery, and then they told us they have to send it for testing, and then once they test it, it might take a while for pathology to get back, um, but no more than two weeks, the longest three weeks. How was your f- did you share this with the family already, your family?

At that interval, yes. So we shared this with the family from September when we went to the urologist- Okay ... in 2019. Okay. Um, but I think at that interval, everyone, like, when I sit back, I'm like, everyone just kind of just did their thing like it was no big deal. Mm-hmm. And so I would be up all day, all night, researching, trying to understand blood in urine, whatever it meant.

That must've been very, a very lonely time for you. Yes. My husband would be like, "Heather, go to sleep." Mm-hmm. I think that's enough." And I was like, "No, we need to make sure." So prior to even finding out his diagnose, I spent every night just trying to make sense of why do men have blood in their urine, watching YouTube videos.

Mm-hmm. And there was n- no real answer- Mm ... because there was no real diagnose, so it was kind of like a lot of generic information. So they had not told you yet that it was officially RMC at that point? No. Okay. No. We found out that it was RMC December. So his kidney was- His- ... removed, so September, you, you went to UM, your n- new, uh, new specialist.

Yes. Two months later, which is November. Yes. That go- Yes. Yes, okay. So we transitioned from September, September 19th, they told him, oh, did the procedure, and then, um, and then fast-forward to, to find out a better approach- Okay ... and a higher specialist. That specialist, um, brought him in in September, and then ran a whole bunch of tests within September to October, and then found out that one of the testing that he did, which wasn't laparoscopic, but it was just, like, a higher level of testing from blood work and the urine, and that confirmed that it's a tumor.

Between, with scans and everything else. Mm-hmm. So it was a combination that made him determine based on what, um, his expertise- Yeah, they were using high-specialty machines- Yes ... that not everybody has access to. Yes, that is correct. Yeah. And so that's how we fast-forward, um, to finding out that it was RMC after they removed the kidney, sent it to pathology, pathology came back and said, at the end of November, right before Thanksgiving, told us that it was RMC.

This is probably the stupidest question, but how did his mom and family take this news? There was a lot of withdrawal from his family's side. James was always, like, the guy that fixed everything, that brings people together. So it was like, "Oh, you have a problem? Okay." And so he had to, like, explain to them, but I don't know.

They just withdrew. It was almost like, "No, you're... You work out. You lift weights. You're the, you're, you're the one who always help everyone. You hold it toget- you're so... You sold it together." But they're- When you say withdrew, do you mean, like, they were maybe in denial, or they withdrew altogether, just trying to- They didn't talk about it.

So in spaces that he was looking to have the conversation with them- Mm-hmm ... they'd listen and they're like, "Oh, okay." Mm-hmm. And that was it. They didn't wanna deal with- They didn't wanna deal with it. It was, like, dismissed. So the people that reminded him there's a reason to live- Mm ... was the people from work.

That's why he just loved everyone so much. They gave him hope. Everyone gave him hope, everyone. And sometimes when I sit back and I understand why he would fight back his tears, but he would cry, it's hard to... It's kinda, like, hard to watch Superman cry, you know? It's hard, because he won't cry in front of anyone else, and then he would just, like, brush it off and be like, "All right.

I gotta be positive. I have to push through." And he was like, "You know what? As long as you're, you're here, and I got my three kids, we're good." And then he would just push through. Your children at the time, they were very small, but children are very intelligent, and they're very resilient. They must have known that Daddy wasn't feeling too well.

Yes. The twins were just turned one, and Mia was three. She'd just turned three. And, um, Mia- Heather, that's a, that's a lot, Heather. Yeah. You know, to go through that and be a mom with three babies. Yes. You know that, right? Yeah. That's a lot. Go ahead, take your time. I, I just want you to know that sharing this story is very important, but I also want you to know that you went through a lot, and you're strong.

You know that, right? Sometimes. You are. And what you're doing right now in sharing something so personal is gonna help someone. I want you to know that. Someone's gonna listen to this, and you might save their life, and I mean that. Yes. So now your children are three and one- Yes ... right? Okay. And so you can tell when kids know something's wrong, because they stare, and then they're always...

I mean, kids are clingy to their parents, but it's like a different, it's like a different demeanor that they have towards you. And so when, um, after he had the, um, he had the removal of the left kidney- It was the left kidney. Yes. Okay. He came home. Usually it's the right kidney. Yeah, I was gonna say that, because- Yeah

I did a little research. It's usually the right kidney. Yeah. Yeah. He was one of the rare ones. That was a little rare. Yes. Okay. So then in that being rare, the doctor was like, "Wow, I always see it on the right." Mm-hmm. "So I think..." Oh, I skipped the part of after we found out, this is November, a few days before Thanksgiving, that it was the C word.

And I was like, "Okay. Um, is there anything that you can do for us?" And this is at UM. The doctor said, "We don't really treat this cancer, and we have 34 people. 33 of them have died, and we have 34 and 35, and you'll be 30- number 36. And 34 and 35 is about to die." Like blunt, just, like, verbatim. "And if you want, we can give you something, but you're not gonna live."

Wow. Okay. Let's take a little breather. Wow. Mm, we don't have to... Uh, we'll take a little breather. Yeah. But I mean, shit. I know, it's like- That's fucking crazy. We don't l- this will cut out. Talking friend to friend, that's fucking wild. Yeah. Like, who the... Dr. Merchand. Jaime Merchand. He was the one that said.

And I was like, "Why would you say that?" He was like, "Well, th- that's the data." And if you wanna go against the data, go ahead Oh, that was really, um, cold. Cold. It was cold and ruthless. So cold. Yeah. I never for- And when I see, like, commercials of him, I'm like, it gives me PTSD. Really? Yes. I don't believe you.

Like, on Facebook, you'll see it. Yeah. It'll trend every now and then. Mm-hmm. Um, and so from that time, I was like, "Okay." James didn't know how to take it in, and he was like, "All right, so there's nothing you give me." He's like, "There's nothing. You can look it up yourself. There's... You, you won't find anything that can help you."

And I said, "Okay, thank you. I think I had enough. Can we leave now?" Mm-hmm. And he was like, "Yeah, you can leave." And I was like, "Don't worry, James." Oh, sometimes doctors become so desensitized. Yes. It- Mm-hmm. Honestly, I think when you get like that, you should probably take a break and- Yes ... and leave because it's- And I think they need breaks.

I think they need- You need breaks ... breaks and, um, therapists. Yeah. They're not bad people. Yeah, yeah. They just become- Yeah ... like that, I think- Yeah, because it's so much ... from seeing it all the time. Yeah. They need- Yeah ... a therapist in between where, like, when it's too much- Yeah ... they're like, "Okay, you've seen so many cases.

All right, you need to- Yeah ... tap out so that- Yeah, yeah ... you can- No, I agree. I agree ... take a break. 'Cause they're human beings, too. Yeah. But still, that was not- It was so cold ... the way to say it. It was, it was so- Very cold ... it was, like, blunt. And I was like, "Is he really saying this?" Yeah. Mind you, we come from, like, amazing treatment- Mm-hmm

the whole time so fast. Right. You're talking about in three months, right? Yeah, yeah. It was that quick. From September, October, November, it was amazing. And then by the time he had the surgery, when we come back to get the results, um, it was like November 23rd or something like that, they're like, he's, he's the only one in the entirety of the, you know, experience- Mm-hmm

that he was that cold. And so, uh, I was like, "No problem. I'm good at doing research." Yeah. "I'm gonna find someone." And then- But, so excuse my ignorance, but it's because it's so rare- Yes ... that they could count how many cases. I mean, it's that, it's that rare. Is, uh, how many cases that they've actually treated.

Correct. And so the other part is that it's a rare cancer, and it's a non-clear cell cancer where you can't see it. And by the time you do see it, it's grown or it metastasized. So that's why, that's why, um, the studies show it's hard to treat. Mm-hmm. If it was a clear cell cancer, then you can see it quicker.

Do you happen to know why it affects the African community more? So- 'Cause I, I really don't know why. So I know the sickle cell trait, it's big in the, the northeast region of Africa. Okay. And I think they had high cases of malaria. So malaria, um, is immune to sickle cell, the sickle cell trait. So then- If you had the sickle cell trait, you would never get malaria.

I don't know how that happened. Oh. But that is medically a thing for people in Africa. Okay. And so 25% of the African population has the sickle cell trait. It's very high. Them and- 25%? Yeah, them and the, um- Wow ... Mediterranean, like, um, Arabics, Arabic. A lot of them have sickle cell traits, and a lot of them go to MD Anderson for treatment for other non-clear cell cancers as well that are rare.

And so that's where that whole dynamic comes from, and it was like, so the sickle cell trait, when tumors start to form, it creates erratic cells. The cells go crazy. And so from the cells offsetting, um, they just take over your body. And so that's why a lot of people, when they do find out and you don't get treatment, it metastasize.

It starts to travel. Hmm. And then if you don't change the medication while you're getting treatment, it acclimates to that medicine, and it goes into the good cells, and it kills off those good cells, and takes, also takes over your body as well. And so in James' case, it was good that we found out, and it was confined.

So all the ureter, they s- cut them and was able to remove everything and clean and everything out. So he did four rounds of chemo And they did a scan, and it was all clear. It didn't show any signs. How old is he at this point? At this point, I think- He's still in his 30s ... yeah ... late 30s. Still in the 30s.

Yeah. 37, 38. Yeah. Yeah. So after your experience with that doctor who was being like that with you, you decided to move on to another specialist? Yes. So I started to do research online, and I was able to find a doctor's email from MD Anderson. There was a kid, his name was Herman, um, O'Connor. He had the same cancer as James, and his sister, Cora O'Connor, she created a blog, and she started blogging about her brother.

I found that story, and within the story, they put the details and the email address and phone numbers of the doctors. And so I took that, and I contacted the doctor. I called him, and I emailed him. Mm-hmm. And he emailed me back the same- The same day ... the same day. And he told me there is hope. Dr. Tennier told me there's hope.

"Come on over to Texas-" Oh, wow "... and we'll help you. He's gonna live." That made Thanksgiving so much better. Mm. So much better compared to the news of what the doctor gave us. He s- he literally told us that he has, by December, no longer than February of 2020, he's gonna be dead. He- He'll be gone. Yes. He said, "Go home and put your affairs in order, but you're definitely, in three months, if you don't get any type of treatment, you'll be...

That's the end of it." And at this... Did you share that with now the rest of your family, what the- I did. You did, okay. My side of the family started, you know, joining forces and was like, "No, we need to figure something out. Let's go to another doctor. Let's get-" Mm "... another second opinion." And so they started searching Moffitt, I think.

Is it Moffitt? Moffitt. Moffitt? Yeah. Okay. Moffitt- What's that? ... other hospitals as well. It's a hospital in Tampa. Yes, and- They're also- For cancer, right? ... e- equal, um, to UM- To UM ... in Miami. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Awesome. Okay. And then they have, um, Cleveland Clinic, but they're not as... They have certain- Yeah

they specialize in certain things, but that was, like, Moffitt is really good. Mm-hmm. Um, there was another one. There was some other ones, but it was, like, St... I'm not sure if it's St. John or something, but I think it was- I think St. Johns Hopkins is probably another one- Yeah ... 'cause they're also major- Yes ... mm, cancer research.

And so that was, like, another one that, um, my cousin, who's a doctor and worked from there and was like, "Okay, we can just-" You know, we just tried out different spaces to get something going. And then on his family's side, they were... I think at that point they probably started to take it a little bit more serious, but it was still, like, withdrawals.

It was still a lot of withdrawals. And so I guess when they started seeing that, um, he started to withdraw a little bit because I think he was looking more for a different type of support from his family That's, that's really tough. That's a, that's very- It was different ... that's really tough. Yeah. It was so different.

Because, you know, we're all, we're all human beings, and you want... That's, like, the ones you look at- Yes ... the most. The most, especially the family that you come from. I think that's very important. Yeah. And as time started to pass, I don't know if it's, you know, some people can't take bad news well. Okay. I'm not sure.

I, I s- I just started telling him, you know, making up ex- ex- not excuses, but trying to justify, like, hey, maybe it's just a lot for them in how they process- Right ... things. Um, and then slowly but surely, I guess 'cause time was passing by, they started to come around, but didn't wanna talk about it. And so I had to ask him, like, "Was there, like, other death in your family dynamic that had cancer?"

And he was like, "No, except for when my dad passed in 2009." But that was completely outside of what he was going through. Right. And he was like, "No, there was no one." Um, but it was like, it was like taboo. Don't, like, don't... It was weird. That happens, though. I, I've heard that, too. Like, m- especially with cancer.

Like, certain family members, certain people just don't wanna acknowledge it or talk about it. It was weird. Yeah. You, you, you want support, and they just, they don't wanna deal. Yeah. Yeah. And so when I saw that, and I saw how he was, like, looking from his maternal side to be more, like, embracing, that's when I was like, "All right.

We need to form an army to make sure that your mental space doesn't get compromised- Mm-hmm ... and that you look forward to the future, and we focus on positive things." Uh- Was... Did you see the positivity going away? I saw he started to withdraw because I think you look for hope, right? And the family that you grew up with, you look for hope in them, too.

So you look for engagement. Mm-hmm. And there was a lot of withdrawal, and it was cold. So it's like the doctor was cold, and then you come to your family. They're cold also. And it wasn't e- everyone in his family. I think it was just more, like, the immediate. It's, like, more the maternal and siblings. It was just different.

It was different for him. And, you know, f- for him, first time going through such, so much all at once. They just had kids. Just like, just like my life is just starting- Mm-hmm ... and then th- this is the- Yeah ... you know, the news. The circumstances. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I, I feel like I need a little break too 'cause I didn't know that that was happening to James.

It was so sad. So- That's not cool at all. And while all of that is going on, he's, um, he's going to work, he's pushing, he's positive, he's... His energy came from, like, one to a million at work, and he just absorbed everyone. And whatever energy he had, he would just pour. Didn't matter what was going on, he just poured so much positive energy.

Like, it didn't matter. Mm. Like, you could've fired him, he was like, "I will work here for free." Like- Right ... from getting that news, he turned into, he became that person. Yeah. Like he connects himself Probably gave him something to also get his mind off of things. Yes. Being around supportive people at his job that really loved him.

Yes. Those... That, I could see also h- why the calling to continue. Yes. And then he's... 'Cause he started to internalize things early on because he was... It was kinda like the energy was being siphoned, the negative energy was being siphoned from his family dynamic, so he started to, like, go into a shell. Mm. And when I noticed why is he so much in, like, a withdrawal state, it was every time where his mom would be like, "Okay, you know, come over for dinner," but it would just be like a funeral.

It was, like, quiet. And I was like, "Yo, this energy is off." Mm. And then I would see he would go into a gloomy state, and I was like, "This is... He doesn't need to be here." Wow. I was like, "No, this... We can't normalize. This, this is, this is terrible." For me, it was like bad behavior. Oh, wow. You know, for me. I saw it as that.

Yeah. And I was like, if you don't address the behavior in that moment, like, you're... If you're thinking you're gonna make it, y- you're not, and it's just gonna get worse, you know? So then I was like, "We need to shift our thought process." And I was like, "We can't have this no more, and if we're gonna be in a space where we're going to your mom, yeah, uh, if you want me, I'll have the conversation with her.

'Hey, we can't be down because he's already down. We need to re- uplift him, and this, this is not the space.'" And then from that, ooh, it's like I opened up a can of worms, and that's when it was, like, a battle. Oh. So you expressed yourself to- I expressed myself, and from expressing myself, it was just, like, downhill.

They weren't receptive of it. And so when we, um, when he had the surgery, and his mom was like, "I wanna be there," and I was like, "Okay, no problem." I think it's good that, you know- Yeah, that's his mom ... his first love. Yeah. For me, I think moms are the first love to children. Was James her firstborn? No. No, okay.

He's the third. Third, okay. And so she came, and we're at the hospital, and then when the doctor came and told us the diagnosis, and his mom was present. And so they- The doctor came and he was like, "I need, uh, Ms. Noel to come in." And so his mom got up, and then the doctor said, "No, not, not you." His wife. I need his wife.

Okay. She's young. And I was like, "It's me." And, um, and then she sat down. He's like, "Okay, I'll be back. I'm gonna go in the back. We're gonna wake him up, and once we wake him up, I'll come back and get you. I'll send the nurse to come and get you so you can tell him hi, 'cause we wanna make sure that he doesn't throw up or anything," 'cause it was a long surgery.

Is he in Texas at this- No, this time, this is... Uh, I'm just giving you, like, the whole long story- Oh, okay, okay ... about the whole- Oh, okay ... energy- Okay, okay ... being siphoned. I was trying to connect- Yeah ... a, a story- Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you ... a time. I'm sorry, 'cause I didn't say that. I'm sorry. Thank you.

So he came out, and I was like, "Okay, no problem." And then when I sat down, because it... No, he asked me before he told us that it was cancer. He's like, um, "Do you want, you know, every-..." I was like, "It's fine." Um, Jessica was there. Okay. And his mom was there. I was like, "No, you can talk to all of us. If you can talk to me, you can talk to all of us.

We're all family." And he was like, "Okay." So he's like, "Well, the tumor turned out to be cancerous. It's a rare cancer. We're gonna test it and... But, you know, he should be fine. But we'll give you more details, um, later on." And so when I sat back down, um, and then that's when his mom just started, like, cursing at me Cursing at you?

Yeah, because I don't know, for whatever reason, she was like, "No effing crying here. We don't need to effing cry." Uh, just cursing. And Jessica was sitting in between the both of us, and I was like stone. Right. And shocked because- Yeah, I'm shocked ... it took us a while to get to the point of finding out- Mm-hmm

what was going on. Yeah. And then, you know, the energies when you were saying, you know- Yeah ... how- But was she cursing, like, I, I'm, I'm- No, at me ... I'm only asking 'cause she was... It was at, directed at you. Like, at me. What the hell? 'Cause she's, you were crying. Because I was crying. You got an answer. Yes. You finally got an answer.

Yes, and, and she has a dynamic in how she exists where I'm the mom, I come first- Oh ... syndrome. Mm-hmm. And so she felt embarrassed. She already felt some type of way when- When the doctor came and said, "No, not you." So then you tie that into when they said the C word, and then she took it upon herself when the doctor went away, and then the, the language, the new language started.

And then from that, it turned into, when we fast-forward now- Mm-hmm ... to where he's looking, you know, for his family to embrace and console him and support him. Yeah. That's when all the energies of not being supportive- I'm sorry to say this, but that's- Exa- ... extremely toxic. Yes. Just, just- So that is- He didn't deserve that.

No. And so- ... if the narrative is not being controlled as to what she feels, she says. Right. So that's what created his demeanor shifting, and I saw, like, the energies was just- Off. And then when I fast-forward, we find out the cancer. We go to MD Anderson. MD Anderson said, "We're gonna treat him." So then we started the treatment January 2020.

So this is... No, this is bef- before COVID, 'cause- This is before. Everything happened before COVID. Before COVID, okay. And then after COVID, when COVID was about to start- Yeah ... that's when he started treatment. Um- Which in itself, that w- must have been- It was a lot. That's a lot. So but you're in Texas. No, we're- So traveling to Texas every month.

Yeah. Oh my God. For treatment. Wow. Oof. And then- You went with the kids? ... everything shut down. No. No. My mom stayed with the kids- Thank God ... which was good. And then- Thank God you had the support from your parents- Yes ... and your family. My, my parents, my family, my... If no one knew me and James were dating, you would thought we're just, like, brothers and sisters.

You couldn't tell, you know, unless it's like, you know, you're hugging and kissing. But it was like, it was just all brothers and sisters. But I also think it's because of the type of person that he is. He always embraced everyone. No one felt left out. No one felt inferior. It was just... He's like his dad. His dad was such an amazing man.

And you can tell his dad, his dad raised him. He was obsessed with his dad, but I understood why. Because when you was around his dad, he made you feel seen- Mm-hmm ... and heard. And even if you didn't think he, he noticed, he would come off on the side and have conversations with you. So he was v- very different.

His paternal side They are so supportive. They're very supportive. Very, very supportive in the entire journey. His maternal, very controlling. Like, everything had to be under their control. It was very different. Yeah, that's a lot to take in. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm going through postpartum. My husband is also going through.

He's very ill. Yes. Mm-hmm. You're in Texas. And we're traveling to Texas every week. The travel, ex- the expenses in that as well. The expenses. Piling up. Piling up. Um, it was a lot. It was a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And then you have this family, unnecessary family drama- Yes ... if, if it's okay for me to say that. It was unnecessary.

It's unnecessary. Absolutely. Not trying to be disrespectful. No. I'm just- There's nothing- ... facing it off what you're saying ... disrespectful about that. Yeah. That was so direct. It was... It was blatant. Yes. Mm. You know, honestly, I didn't understand it. Right. I'm, I don't understand it. I, I don't. Not just that- Yeah

but, yeah, I didn't understand. Yeah, I wasn't aware that it was to that extent. Yeah. It's unfortunate- Yeah ... that that, that he had to go through that. Yeah. And you. And there was phases that he got better. Okay. 2022, it restaged. But he was good for two years. It restaged in 2022, and then we started treatment again in March 2000- Did you start the treatment again in Texas?

In Texas. Okay. We always... It was on- Texas was the only place that would treat him. Really? Only. So there was nothing in Florida? Nothing. Huh. Anywhere. Wow. Only. People flew in internationally- Wow ... to get treatment, only at MD Anderson, Texas. Houston, Texas. No other place. They're teaching other hospitals. A lot of doctors, Dr.

Pavlos Misiades. Amazing. That's like, that's my second angel. Mm. Amazing. It's when you find those doctors, right, that- It's so real ... that change your world. Yeah. They exist. The way he talk- He doesn't even care about... He said, "I c- what I'm here to do is when I see your charts and I look at the counts," Mm-hmm

'cause they have these different tests that they run in the background to count how much cancer is in your body. He's like, "I'm worried about keeping that under control or-" Right ... "eradicating it completely." Right. "I don't care about what doctors have worked, haven't worked." He was like, "I manage to eradicate the cancer.

That's all I care about." And James' life being elongated- Right ... like, I give 100%. And, and the other doctor in Miami said- Said ... "Just go home and-" Yes ... "you have three months." Yes. Yeah. And he outlived the three months, surpassed. Years. Years. Six plus years. And, and that's why we're passionate about telling these stories- Yes

about, you know, you have to not just stay with one physician and listen to what one person says. Yep. Do your due diligence. Do your... You have to ad- like you said, advocate for yourself. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And even Dr. Misael was like, "James, I'm not gonna be in every appointment." Mm-hmm. You know? "So when you go back home, you have to talk to your team of local oncologists."

And he would get on the phone and talk to them. He, like, he was, he was a proactive doctor that it didn't matter who. He would be like, "If they can't get you, give me their phone numbers. I'll call them myself, and I'll keep calling." That's how much he would, like, cater. He li- like, that hospital caters to you.

And if- Mm-hmm ... another hospital is not willing- Mm ... to, they said, "We'll do it. We'll, if, uh, I'll get them on the phone." Wow. Even towards the end of James' life, and we were here at Memorial, um, and James had pneumonia in his lungs, plus the cancer started to penetrate through his lungs. Dr. Misael was on the phone telling them, 'cause they didn't wanna treat the pneumonia.

Mm. 'Cause they said, "No, we think it's just cancer." And then he was like, "No, that's the pneumonia blocking the cancer. So in order for me to treat him when he gets back to Texas- Mm ... I need you to treat the pneumonia." They started to treat him, had him go home- Mm ... and stop the treatment because they said that it's not gonna work.

And he was like, "Go to the next Memorial, and then call me, and I need a general doctor to assess him." Uh, no, uh, "I need one of the doctors to assess him physically. And if physically it shows that he can't breathe properly, I need you to treat the breathing. And because they're not oncologists, they're doctors that treat symptoms, and right now you show symptoms of pneumonia.

If that can be under control, you can get on a plane, fly back to Texas, and I can treat that cancer." And he did. Wow. And that extended- Wow ... two years. So he really advocated for you guys. He advocated so much. What's his name again? Dr. Pavlos Misael. Misael Pavlos. Dr. Pavlos. So he was an angel. He was an angel.

James loved that guy. He was amazing. He's still amazing. I'm just taking a minute 'cause I'm just, like, listening It's a lot ... it's, it's a lot. I didn't know my friend went through, like, that it was with the family. Like, that makes me sad. It make... It pisses me off because- It was so much ... he is so sweet. Like- Yeah.

Okay ... that's your parent, your mom, like, your... Like, dude, man, that, uh, that, that's a lot. And, uh, you know, like, even Dr. Pavlos, he didn't deserve that girlfriend. He started to ask James. He was like, "You know, I've been treating this cancer for, like, 15 years, and it... And I have people that have lived as long as you, and it hasn't come back."

And so he asked James. Yeah. He said, "What's stressing you?" And James was like, "Huh?" He was like, "Something's stressing you, and I don't want the cancer to get worse. We need you to be happy." So I said, "Okay, James, let's just move. This is too much." I said, "Let's just move to Texas." He's like, "No, you, you know, I have my mom."

I was like, "You, you have your mom, your family, and I know you wanna be close to them, and I want the kids to know." I was like, "Sometimes it's good to reset so you can preserve your life. Your life is worth more. Mm. Let's just move because the doctor is saying he's seeing that you have stress because all your vitals are showing it's clear, like, you're doing great.

Um, there's a CA 125 test, which is a cancer marker test. It's, like, super low. It's, like, nine, seven, six. Super low, so, like, the cancer's under control." But he was like, "When your body is too stressed, it can trigger. It can trigger. The cancer could spread. It could restage." And he said And he would be like, "I'm not afraid of tr- um, treating the cancer.

I'm more afraid... I wanna make sure that your stress is controlled." He said, "That's very important." And during those times, there was a lot of stress coming from that side. And, you know, you live with your husband. I mean, I've been with my husband for 24 years, so you know when something- You grew up with him.

Yeah. We were kids t- turned into parents, turned into adults and- Yeah ... and, um, that's where I just kept on trying to advocate to him, "We need to move 'cause I don't want anything- Yeah ... to get worse, and I see it's too much going on, even for you." The traveling and everything. There was a lot. It was so much being done to him behind the scenes, um, from a mental state that didn't make sense, and I was like, "I think we should just move.

This... It'll be healthy." And he refused. He was like, "No, I love my job. I love the people. I love, you know, everyone. I w- I wanna be around the people that I love, and I don't want to start all over. I wanna be here." And we didn't move, and the stress got worse. But you know that's not your fault. I don't want you...

I could see it in your face that you're thinking- Yeah ... maybe if I pushed more. Right. I c- I could see it already in your face. Yeah. You know that's not, it's not your fault. It's what he wanted, too. Yeah. I want you to understand that. Yeah. 'Cause as wives, sometimes we may think to ourselves, "I should have- Yeah

pushed more. I should have..." You know? But- Even to his passing- Yeah ... there's a lot of things I feel like he did intentional to avoid. Give us an example. In 2025, last year, um, May, we s- he started running, and he got better. From 2023 to 2024 was amazing. He was doing so good. And then 2025 came, and he was like, "I, I need to work out."

So we started running a mile, a mile and a half- Look at- ... every day, every morning. Running, and then while we were running, you started to get headaches, and with the headaches, um, he didn't have balance, so he would almost be tumbling, and then he would be tripping. And I was like, "Whoa, James, something's wrong because you're tripping, and you're hitting everything, and I'm having to catch you.

Do you feel okay?" He was like, "Yeah, I feel fine." I was like, "No, I think something's wrong. Something's not balanced." Fast-forward, we went on a run, and then when we were on our way back, we had to just, like, walk all the way home because he couldn't, he couldn't balance himself, so he was leaning onto me. Big 240-pound guy.

Wow. Very solid. And so took us a while. We got home, and I was like, "Okay, I think we need to go to the ER because something's very off, and the simple fact that I had to carry you from, like, almost a whole mile to go back home is triggering something." Mm. He tried to avoid going to the hospital, made excuses for the kids and the third, and he was like, "You know what?

Just wait till the kids at least come from school." I was like, "Okay, fine." Then when they came from school, he's like, "Let's just have dinner." I was like, "Okay, fine." We had dinner. Then he was like, "Let's just wait till they go to sleep." "All right. No problem. We'll wait." We did that, and then around 10:00 We left.

Went back to Memorial. Again, it's the local hospital. Um, went there, and then we started to explain to him the symptoms and the things that were going on. He was like, "Okay, what we're gonna do, we're just gonna have a, a scan, a brain scan." Did the brain scan, and then it came back that he had a tumor in the brain.

And he was like, "You know, people get tumors all the time. It's no big deal. Let's just, um, let's just get him transferred over to the main hospital, to Memorial on Johnson." And we went there, and then they also said they need to hurry up and get it out. But it was not big. It was, like, I wanna say f- three centimeters.

But because he had cancer- Mm-hmm ... they wanted to take precaution and hurry up and get it out. So they scheduled him, like, two days later to do the, um, the surgery. But prior to that, I called his maternal side and explained to them, and his paternal, explained to them what was going on. And then when I called the mom, it was like this...

It was, you know, repeated, but, you know, same behavior from the last, and then- Towards you. Towards me. Mm-hmm. And so my husband was, like, you know, yelling, but, uh, as f- much as he could. Like, you know, "Mom," you know, "stop. Why are you doing that?" And then I could see the stress. Yeah. Okay. And it was, like, the same.

And I was like, "Ugh." I was like, "All right, James, don't worry about it. I'll be back. I'll just go take a walk." And Jessica was there, and I was like, "Um, I feel... I need a moment." So then I took a walk around the house. So for people who don't know, Jessica's your best friend. No, for people- Yeah, best friend. Oh, yes, yes

for people who are listening. Yeah, right. Yes, yes. So Jessica's- That's my best friend ... she's your best friend. Yeah. Okay. And so she was present. She was like, "It's okay." I was like, "No, it's all right." Said, "I just feel a little tired." And I was tired because I was like, "Man, it's been 23 years." And then at that interval, I was like, "James, I love you, but I'd rather get a divorce 'cause it's too much.

I'm tired." Those were the thoughts that you were having. No, I told him. Oh, you told him. 'Cause I couldn't take it no more. I was so stressed. I was so tired. And he was like, "No." I was like, "I know you love your, your mom, and you only have one mom." But I was like, "You also have one wife." I know we come from our parents, but I was like, "You spend more time with your spouse than your parents," especially, like, adult life, adulthood, the children.

I was like, "It's unhealthy for the kids." And I'm always quiet. I'm u- like, I don't say anything. I take it in. Mm-hmm. But I'm like, "This is too much." Because there's a lot of stress just managing the day-to-day, and then the person that pours the least have so much to say, control, and do. And, and I'm always like, "Okay, whatever," you know?

Yeah. Just to avoid. And also, when I look at my husband, I can see his body clenching, you know? That he's not relaxed. And then he goes back. Now you have the doctor saying, "No stress." Yeah. So doing that, and then now you have a brain tumor. I'm like, "This is too much." So we fast-forward. They come, and they're like, "Oh," um, while we're in the ER.

And they're like, um, after they did the scans, that it looks like we need to hurry up and take it out because of the history and get it tested. And they got it tested right away. I, like fast-forward, had the surgery- Mm-hmm ... got it tested, and then it came out. It was very rare, but the canc- the kidney cancer pierced through the brain barrier and entered his frontal and penetrated.

And from there, it was like, it was quick. Fast. Aye yi yi. It was like, that was May, May 25th Went to, back to Texas to treat, to do stereostatic brain treatment. Yeah. Yeah. So, but I... Just to get, um, my thoughts, 'cause my brain's everywhere right now too, so. Yeah. You're in, you're in Texas? Or you're- No ... you were in, you're in Johnson.

No, I live here. No, no, no. When, when he was- Oh ... in that situation with James. When he was in the situation finding out about- Yes ... the brain tumor- My apologies ... we're here. You were here, okay. We were here. We were admitted in Memorial, and they were talking to the- To... Okay, so it was comm- The cancer doctor Got it.

Okay, now I understand. 'Cause he was like, he wanna make sure that he gets the best treatment. Yeah. That they're not- But he wanted to be lo- local. He wanted to be local. Ja- he, I, yeah, I get it. I understand. Yeah. He wanted to be local. Yeah. And then, but the doctor said, "It's better, we have better technology over there to see everything."

But for him to fly too with the altitude, that- Yes ... that could- That wasn't good neither. No, exactly, yeah. The pressure. Yeah. But he was like, "It's fine," 'cause we waited two weeks. Mm-hmm. As long... We waited two weeks? Yeah, we waited, like, two, like, three weeks. Okay. And then we flew. Oh, so you did end up going.

Mid-June. Wow. We ended up going back to Houston, um, after- Yeah ... the, the surgery. Right. And then, um, once he started the treatment- Mm-hmm ... and, you know, they're giving you steroids. Mm-hmm, okay. A lot of shifting. A lot of shifting. Lots. You brought a plaque with you today, and you're wearing a number, so I wanted for you to tell us about the plaque that you brought and the number.

The plaque represents after James found out about being diagnosed with cancer, and then he started treatment in January of 2022. He's an alumni at Robert Morris University, and they called him, and they told him, "Hey, you graduated 14 years ago, and no one has been able to beat your data," like, all of his accolades that he performed in football.

And so they said, "We wanna induct you in as a Hall of Famer." And so that pushed him to be like, "Oh, I'm not missing that." Mm-hmm. So he's like, "Listen, we're gonna go to Houston. I'm gonna get these rounds, and I'm, I'm not missing, I'm not missing this." He was like, "This is major." He was, it was- Yeah. ... major. We need to be there.

Yeah. And I'm like, "Okay." So we went, did the treatment. He did four rounds, and the crazy part was like, I was like, this man is like Superman because his hair fell out, and it grew back, and by the time we went to this- Mm-hmm ... he was, like, a full set ahead. Um, I mean, a head full of hair. I mean- Yeah ... yeah. Yeah. I said full set ahead, but It's okay.

Full head of hair. And he, they presented the plaque to him, and we all flew up there with the kids, and- Oh, that's so nice ... he just loved it. It was so beautiful. And so 48 was his number. And 48 was his number. You kinda can see it on here. Yeah. I see the pin you're wearing. Yeah. And I wear the number 48 to represent- His number

his football number. Yeah. But- That's a beautiful memory ... and I mean, even, like, at Bupa, he always won for, what is it called when you're frenzy? Like, he was like a... You remember how they had, they had awards at Bupa at his job. Yeah. They, they had a- And- ... so many awards ... he would always win a whole bunch of- They loved him.

And yeah, yeah. He just- He was a great guy ... just the energy was- Yeah. Infectious. Yes. Yeah. Happy energy. Happy energy. Which is why it's devastating to hear, you know, the unpleasant parts- Yeah ... because, uh, he was just a, a joyful, sweet soul. Yes, he just- So that's what makes it, I think- So different ... a little more devastating- Yes

even for, for me from a, from a perspective of knowing him. Him. Yeah. Yeah. Um- Wow. So I'm gonna ask you some questions about you, if you don't mind me asking Yes. Of course. Um, what do you wish people understood about grief that you don't think they, they just get it, like, that, that they don't, that they don't know?

You find out the news, you start grieving from the time that the news hits you, and you never stop. You don't. And then even, like, laying him to rest, you're still grieving. You're grieving now the memories, and you're grieving, you know, the intervals of what you could have been doing and what you were doing.

So the... I don't think the grief ever stops, especially when it's a person with, of that stature of how he was. Right. Yeah. It never stops. But grief doesn't have a timeline. No. You take the time that you need. I- And that's your journey. I'm learning that. It's a hard space because sometimes I, I feel like, am I being selfish, you know, to my kids, or am I being selfish that the version of the mom that they're having to experience in this moment is not the mom that they hope to see, you know?

Or am I gonna, um, shift the narrative of their trajectory in life- Hmm ... because Mommy's crying or Mommy's withdrawing or Mommy's not as happy- Right ... as when Daddy was here. I feel guilty all the time. I think we always carry it with us. It just doesn't go away. I think it just gets lighter and lighter as, as you carry it with you, but it takes time, and as long...

Everybody's different, and it's okay. Yeah. I think a lot of moms always feel- Yeah ... guilty. It's just, we can't help it, you know? I mean, what do people say to you that they think is helping you but it's not? Because that's how people learn- Right ... how, how to maybe avoid saying something that they mean well, but it's not good.

"Get out of your head." Really? Yeah. You've had someone say that to you? I'm sorry. And I'm like, "I'm not in my head. I don't even feel like I'm in my body, let alone my head." I was like, "I feel lost." 24 years wasn't built overnight, and then children just added into the mix. You know, just the whole process of the hope that you hold onto.

Yeah. Uh, I've had people say to James, "Your sickness is making me sick." I thought not. And I think that's why, like, I was like, "Heather, I know I can't do this by myself." So I would send, I think, over, like, 1,000 text messages to so many people, everyone, anyone that was in... They w- we knew from elementary school to high school to middle school to college.

Yeah. To work, my job, his job, ev- everyone, anyone that we encountered. If we met someone along the way, they became a part of- Yeah, the- ... this journey ... this journey, yeah. And that helped. Yeah. And so hope had started to look different. Mm-hmm. And so the things that started to look like I couldn't endure- Mm-hmm ... I was able to take it because I felt more powerful, that at least I can share this, the journey.

Right. I can share the story. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what I'm gathering, because I'm learning for the first time, Heather, is that honestly, aside from the illness, which was very difficult, you know, and how rare it was and everything that he went through, it was the family dynamics that was really heavy. So heavy.

That, that's shocking to me. It was so heavy. And, like, honestly, to this day, I still don't understand it. I hide my kids away from it. And you know, they ask questions. Yeah. I tell them, "Honestly, I can't answer that right now." About, like, the family? Yeah. Yeah. Because I always, I suppressed it. Mm-hmm, right. I just suppressed it.

I just took it in 'cause I was like, "I need my husband to look happy, be happy. I need him to live. I need him to feel powerful, unstoppable." And he did. And I remember even, like, two days before he transitioned, he worked online, and his boss text him and said... And he had, like, the tubes, and he was running a meeting.

And he text him on the side. He's like, "James, I think you need to get off." He was like, "I think I need you to get off the call on the side." And he was like, "And I can finish the meeting for you." Because the people that were on the meeting, and it was a Zoom- Mm-hmm ... were like, "Why is James working?" Right. And they all was texting his boss.

Right. And the number one thing he told me when he got off, he was like, "I'm so happy you

The Bufo family have helped him push through so much- Hmm ... that even in the spaces of I don't even know or understand of how he was facing death and feeling that death is near- Mm-hmm ... he was still resilient. He carried the meeting, and I was like, "James." Oh, the guy was right. And I kept on telling him, "Just take the time off."

Mm-hmm. Mind you, this man had, like, 180 hours- ... of time available. It's not like he didn't have it. They told him, "You just get off-" Right ... "and we'll pay you." And he would tell them no every time, every time. See, he m- he loved it. He, him, the people there- Yeah ... loved him, and he felt support system, and- And he was like- And it gave him a sense of purpose, like- That's what he would say

a purpose in life. Yeah. Mm-hmm. He said, "I'm just gonna, what, sit here and stare out the window and-" Right ... "let the doctor come in, give me a pill here, give me a pill there?" Right. "That's it?" He was like, "This can't be me." If I'm, if I'm able to do it, I wanna do it. It's like I love these people, and I... And the way he carried out the meeting, it's like, "Come on, baby.

You think I'm gonna fail? No." Right. "There's no failing here," you know? Who are you now that you weren't before? Before James was sick, I used to feel fearless. When James got sick, I lived in fear. After James transitioned, I started to feel myself again. Mm-hmm. I felt fearless again, even through the tears, the hurt.

Hmm. Because he reminded me of that, because he was fearless. Nothing stopped him, not a hospital bed. He would take chemo and work all his projects while receiving chemo. I can show you so much pictures. And he would tell them, "All right. I'm about to go under. I'm about to be in a coma. The cutoff time is 4:00."

And he would send out his m- messages notifying everyone in the company, "If you want to talk to me, call me tomorrow. I'll be right back up." Like he, and he would do it every time. So spaces that he didn't show fear reminds me every day now, and I feel powerful again because I feel like I just, I lost myself.

Mm-hmm. Because I was always, you know, mommy mode, wife mode, always worried, always worried, and now I don't feel that. Through him, I don't feel that anymore. And you feel like you have a good support system with your family? Yes. Yes. Good. I'm glad. Yes. I don't mean to bring up... It's okay. But how's your relationship with his mother today?

It's, well, we- there's no, no communication. She has anxiety. I see a therapist to help me navigate, because there's a lot of things. L- so she would send people now to try to come and talk to me or convince me or persuade me, and I tell them, no. Okay. I can't. I can, but I can't, because people are... I feel... I, I...

People are creatures of habit. Right. And the spaces that she pulled me through the last 24 years is, was unnecessary then. I, I don't wanna relive it. Yeah. I don't wanna... No. It was too much stress for me- Mm-hmm ... that she gave me. And then my husband- Yeah ... I understand it's your son, but it was just too, it was too much, and I, I can't.

I cannot. The healthy space is to just, you know- Yeah ... keep the distance. You know, as we get older, our circles get smaller. Yes. Not only with friends, but with family. And, uh, you know, we all wanna, like, get along with everyone and love everyone and have peaceful, uh, - ... situations, but that's not always the case for everybody.

No. And you have two very small children, and you're still a relatively very young woman, and you have to mourn your husband and take the time that you need- Yes ... to mourn your husband and to heal and to be able to... Which you're already on your way to finding yourself again. Again. And start another phase of your life with your husband obviously still in your heart.

Yes. But you... It's okay to say, "I'll be ready when I'm ready." Yes. That's a very powerful thing. Yes. I have people telling me, "Oh, you have six months." I was like, "Six months of what?" Six months of what? What does that mean? "Oh, you know, the kids are young, and you're young." Mm-hmm. "And you need to make sure." They're giving you six months on your grief?

On my grief so I can start dating. What? And I was like... I was like, I've been here for 24- That's crazy ... years. Not 24 hours, not 24 days. You don't get to choose that. There's no... There's no timeline. There's no timeline. You don't get to choose that. I'm... I... Weird space. I don't even know what space. I don't even know what...

I don't even know what to say. I'm shocked about that. I'm shocked. I have somebody- A lot of weird space. Yeah. I have someone... I have someone very close to me who has told me things as well, family members telling her things like that as well. Yeah. And it just shocks me. It's like, you want me to take everything and just dispose my husband?

I don't get it. I don't understand it neither when people say things like that. Like, I'm... I mean, it's so- You can't ... there's no timeline. It's so un- Yeah. There is no timeline. Yeah. And you can't... Like, that's so... It... To me, that's so inappropriate. Yeah. Yeah. It's... That's the love of your life. Exactly. That wasn't a bad date with somebody- Yes

or a guy you dated for two weeks. This is the, the father of your beautiful children and the man that you have loved since 10th grade. Yeah. I mean, that's wild. There's an insensitivity chip that's missing there. I'm sorry. Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't say that, but, uh, you didn't deserve that either, Heather. No, not at all.

It's just so much. That's a lot. The crazy thing, it, it comes from people that haven't really dealt with it Or when, or when they've have too much access to you. Yeah. Yeah. The accessibility, so it's like it's easy to- That's a good point Right ... because you're- That's a good point ... in close reach. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

And that's when I was like, "Oh, I gotta shut this down." Wow. I'm, I'm- I need to isolate a little bit. Well, you literally witnessed how stress can deteriorate your body. Yes. So you for sure don't, you don't need that. You have two children to take care of. So you set your boundaries, and you, when you're ready, you're ready.

Yeah. And no one- If ever ... thought that you're different. Yeah. Honestly, if ever. If ever. And it's okay if you don't. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But it's good you sh- you, you put the boundary. That's finding that you're fearless- Mm-hmm ... again. Yeah. So good for you. 'Cause usually I would be more like, "Okay, I wanna make sure James is happy, smiling."

Mm-hmm. So it didn't matter what A family member would say, the mom, the aunts, the brothers, all of them. I would just say, "Okay. Does it make you happy?" He's like, "Yeah, you know I love my family." I was like, "Okay, just bring them. Tell them come on over, or we'll go over or whichever." Right. I was always, yes. And then I see the smile on his face and, you know, the joy that he would, you know, overlook whatever- Mm

other things that were happening. Mm-hmm. But as long as I saw him smiling, I was okay with it. And he had a beautiful smile. Yes. Let's keep it real. Yeah, he- He really did ... yes, he did. Yeah I can see why you liked to see him smile all the time. Yeah. Heather, I wanted- Supported our love so much ... to talk to you about the funeral.

I, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, unfortunately, I have attended more funerals than I would, would have wanted. Wanted. I mean, I'm, I'm... I was actually thinking about it the other day. I've attended way too many. Um, but I've never been to a funeral like the one that, uh, your beautiful church and community threw for James.

Yes. Um, that particular day was my best friend Jessica's birthday. Oh. And, um, I was, I was telling the girls, I, I have a funeral I, I'm gonna attend. I'm gonna be a little bit late. So the girls were like, "Don't worry, you know, show up when you show up." I had no idea that this w- what I was really, like, attending.

Yeah. I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life when it comes to a, a funeral. A, a funeral. It was breathtakingly beautiful, emotional. The church, the way they spoke about him, the, the music, the choir. There must have been 1,000 people- Yeah, yes ... at your husband's funeral. Yes, it was so- I was sitting there just looking at, at everybody, people, Latinos, my Latino people- Yes

coming in, in droves- Yes ... crying for your- Yes ... husband. And I remember my, my takeaway being how he single-handedly united people from so many different backgrounds and- Yes ... cultures- Yes ... and lang- languages. Languages. That's what your husband did. Yes. And I wanted to share, wanted to say that to you because that is who he was in the foundation.

Yes. He was a very, very good man. Yes. And I wanted you to know that. And it's not fair that he was taken too soon. Nobody knows why, and I hope what I, um, what I'm about to say is, is not ignorant, but sometimes people are just too good for us that, that they gotta go to a b- Better ... a better place. That's all I could...

That's the only thing I could think of. It's so true. No, it's true. 'Cause why? There's so much for him to live for. His beautiful young wife, his beautiful children. He was needed here, and it's unfair. And I'm sorry that, that your family has gone through this. But it was truly, uh, a beautiful, beautiful way to, to send him- Send him

send him off. Yeah. Did you feel that way? I did. I felt very heavy- Mm ... about it and... But it was I think it was all of what he would... I think he would approve. He was, he was really loved. He was deeply loved. If you could say something to James right now, if he's listening right now, what would you like to say to him?

I love you. Thank you. Thank you for helping me become a mom, and just being you, and not being influenced to determine if he should show up or stand up for someone. It was just, that's who he was. And just thank you for being you. So Heather, I wanna pause here and talk to our listeners about what RMC actually is.

Is that okay? Of course. Okay. So renal medullary carcinoma is a rare and aggressive kidney cancer that accounts for less than 1% of all kidney cancers. Most oncologists will never see a single case in their career. RMC is not random. It overwhelmingly targets young Black Americans, most under 30, almost all carrying something called the sickle cell trait.

So when James was first diagnosed, did anyone explain that to you? Yes. Okay. The oncologist, Dr. Pavel. That was the- The good one. So, so the one here- He was the Texas ... didn't even- He didn't, like, his bedside manner was- ... scratch the surface. No. Wow. He didn't even- And it had, it wa- He didn't ... it, it was, it took for you to go three years- Texas, that's- Yes.

Yeah. Yes. So, no, he didn't. They, they, they didn't explain anything. They just, the only thing they explained was it was a guarantee that he has three months, less than three months to live. Yeah, he sent you home and told you- Yeah ... to say your goodbyes- Yeah ... and get your affairs in order. Yeah. I just wanna point out that, um, sickle cell disease and sickle cell trait are two different things, right?

So the disease means you've lived with it. You've, you've known you've had it for pretty much your whole life, and the trait is something genetic that you carry, a, you know, a copy of the gene, but most people have no idea they have it. And sometimes you feel nothing, no symptoms. It's true. So about 1 in 14 Black Americans carry this trait, per rmcalliance.org.

Did James know he had this trait at all? Yes, he did. Oh, he did. So he was very careful where he told me that in order for him to even think the thought of marrying me or pursuing me to be to ask me out formally- Mm-hmm ... I need to get tested. Oh, wow. And I was like, "What? Test for what?" And he was like, "I need to make sure you don't have the sickle cell trait."

Wow, okay. That's when we were younger. It was in college. And I was like, "Why? Why does that matter?" He was like, "Just tell the people. When you go to see your doctor, tell them, 'Check and see if you have the trait.'" So that if we do get married, that we don't have kids that are gonna be sick. 'Cause if two parents, like, so both of his parents have the trait.

Oh. That's what I was saying earlier. Okay. His dad and his mom has the trait, so he has- So it's, like, guaranteed. So it's a higher- It's guaranteed that you have 100% chance that if you have three to four kids, one of them are gonna be full-blown sickle cell disease. Does, do his other brothers have- So he had two brothers that have the sickle cell disease, and he has the sickle cell trait.

And he has one brother, the youngest one, he doesn't have the trait at all, but he's deaf in one ear. Wow. So that gene type, it creates abnormalities. Havoc. Yeah. Yeah, havoc on the body. And so he has a brother that's older than him. He passed when he was 11 due to the sickle cell disease, and his mom didn't know- Mm

how to maneuver, take care for him at the time. And so the thing is, it dehydrates your blood cells. They, they start to get into the C shape. So, so going back to how he got the tumor in the, um, in the kidney- Mm-hmm It starts to create like Cs. So if it's a round, then your blood can flow, and then you don't have a lot of dehydration.

But if it's in the shape of the C, the blood sickles and then it connects. And so when it connects, it clogs up. It can't flow through your vessels. Mm. And so that creates a clog, and then you get a tumor from that. And that's what happened to James. So his blood started to sickle, and it triggered that tumor.

But if that tumor was addressed early on, the doctor, Misael, was like they could have just cut a piece of that kidney, like a portion of it. But it was- Yeah ... so long after. So the people that he was able to preserve that are still alive till today... And Herman, he's like, he's been alive for like 14 years, and I talked to him.

He called me after... Well, before James passed and after. He- we spoke. And he said his sister Cora was very anemic, and they would drive from South Carolina to Texas- Mm ... to Houston to get treatment. And that's when back then they used to just give them the medication. They wouldn't flush anything out, and they would just send you home.

Now it's better where they give you the medication, but then they flush you out with IV- Mm-hmm ... so that it can kinda like dilute the medicine so that it won't be as strong. But before it was terrible where you would lay out flat on a bed for like four or five days trying to recover from the poison. Had James ever heard of RMC before?

No. None of us. So he wouldn't even think- He wouldn't even think that. Yeah. And he was like, "Man, I... Why did I have to get the rarest one?" It's like, if I can get a cancer, he was like, "Fine, okay. Give me cancer. But the rarest one? I have to get everything rare." And I was like, "Yeah, I guess that's life." And not b- not having access to doctors who knew how to treat this.

That's, that's the other thing. In the state that he lives in as well. That- Yeah ... the whole thing was- I think they don't talk about it enough because I, I, I would think If it's rare that it would happen, then I think anyone that has the sickle cell trait, you should be having a conversation about that type of cancer.

Right. Even if it never happens to them- Yeah ... since it's so low. Education. But then I also think that it's so low because even the doctors that probably think it's that type of cancer, well, you don't even know how to identify it. Right. So what if it is that type of cancer, but you're being misdiagnosed on that?

'Cause as you said, he... Well, those are early symptoms. Yes. Blood in the urine, side pain- Yep ... and fatigue- Yep ... which get mistaken for infections- Infections ... or kidney stones- Yep ... just like that. And they used to give him, like, amoxicillin all the time. Mm. You know, that's like the generic one. But see, if he knew- Yeah

about that- Yeah. Yeah ... he coulda said, "You know what? Can we test for this?" Yeah. "'Cause I have the trait. Those are also some symptoms." Yeah. Like, he coulda pushed. Yeah. If he would've been, like... How, how do they... Y- So do you, as a young child, you, you get tested and they say, "Okay, you have this trait"? Yes, from when you're born.

So Mia, our oldest, she has the trait from James. So when she was born, I receive a letter from the state of Florida. But they use, like, medical terminology, and I'm reading it, and I was like, "Oh, my gosh, my baby's gonna die." Oh, God, no. So- Don't say that ... they sent it on a f- like, a Friday, so then the doctor's office was closed.

So I cried the entire weekend, and then waited next to the phone until 9:00- Mm ... crying. Mm. And then explained to her doctor, "I received a letter from the state of Florida, and it looks like they're saying something is wrong with her blood, and she's gonna die." And he was like, "What?" He was like, "No, I don't think so.

Just come in, and I'll review the letter right away." Mm. So then I came in, and he was like, "Oh, no, she just have the sickle cell trait." I was like, "Then why didn't they put that on the paper?" Mm. But they... It, it's called something else. Right. There's- The, the terminology confused you. The, yeah, the terminology- Yeah

confused me. And he's like, "No, she'll be fine. She just needs to drink a lot of water," 'cause it causes dehydration. So, um, if they're... If you sit in the sun too long- Right ... you get dehydrated faster than most kids. So there's a lot of athletes that I also notice, they have the sickle cell trait. There's, there's h- this guy, I think his name is Ronnie Hillman.

He's in the NFL. Mm. And he had the same thing. He, he got RMC. He died, like, sooner than, far much sooner than James. Like, they found out he was diagnosed, and he died, like- It's, it's- ... a couple months later ... fast-moving. Yeah. It's like month, three, four months. Yes. That's why that first doctor said that. So Dr.

Misial- Yeah ... said he was shocked that even the NFL has this kid playing, and they're not looking to find out who's the best doctor that can address- Yeah This, and then he said when he looked up to find out who his doctor was, his doctor doesn't know about RMC, so he contact them. And I was like, that's sad, because then how much- Yeah

other football players after that, that, you know, some people don't wanna talk about- Yeah ... what they're going through. Right. Probably had the same thing, and he was like, "I could have been able to treat it at least." Treat it. But that's why, Heather, that's why what you're doing right now, literally what you're doing right now in raising awareness and talking about it in depth like this could literally save people's lives.

People's, yes. There may be people who see RMC episode and they're like, "Oh, let, let me check it out," and they're like- Right ...,"Wait a minute." That's, that's the power that your story has. I want you to know that. Because a lot of people m- maybe wouldn't wanna talk about it, because they're reliving painful memories, and they don't...

or maybe they don't wanna say the things that they're thinking. But in you doing this, you are potentially saving a young man's life or a young lady's life. Yeah. And it's crazy how it's, uh, more men than women. Yes, it does. It does, you know? And to everyone listening, um, Heather, on behalf of Red Lips, we wanna thank you for being here- Thank you

for sharing your story today about your journey with your husband, James Noel, and for sitting here with us on Red Lips. And if you take nothing else from this hour, from these hours that we've been talking, just like Monica said, roughly one in 14 Black Americans carry the sickle cell trait, and most of them have no idea that they have this.

So ask your doctor for blood test. And if you carry it, learn the warning signs of RMC, just like our beautiful Heather has shared with us, uh, today. If you want to learn more or support the families fighting this disease right now, you can go to the website rmcalliance.org. We'll put the link in the show notes.

Heather, thank you very much for being here on behalf of Red Lips. May God bless you and your beautiful family. And James, if you're listening, you are very loved, my friend. Hasta la próxima. Hasta la próxima. Thank you for listening. Make sure to subscribe to our show so you don't miss an episode. We will be dropping an episode every two weeks.

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