The Friends Who Never Left: Love, Loss & Loyalty

What happens when you sit down with your two best friends and relive the most heartbreaking and heartwarming moments of your life? 

Emily is joined by her two closest friends, Kellie and Alex, for a candid conversation about friendship, grief, and moving forward after unimaginable loss.

They share memories of Emily’s late husband, Colby Cave, the chaos of the week he passed away, and the unwavering support that got Emily through her darkest days.

The trio also opens up about the complexities of young widowhood, public scrutiny, and the surprising dynamics that come with blending past and present.

There are laughs, tears, and some seriously spicy moments—because grief and joy can (and do) coexist.

Listen For:

06:50 – A Very Canadian Act of Kindness

20:01 – The Call That Changed Everything

39:55 – The Internet Hate That No One Talks About

50:41 – Why Colby’s Memory Still Deserves to Be Honored

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GUEST: Kellie Hayden

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GUEST: Alexandra Wisotzki

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Transcript

Emily Cave Boit (00:00):

Hey everyone. Welcome back to episode 10 of you Are More. I am so excited for today's special guests. I also can't believe we are on episode 10. Thank you to everyone who has listened to every episode, but like I said, today's guests are really special. They're two of my closest and longest friends, Alex from Barrie, Ontario. We met in grade nine when I thought it was a good idea to join. The rugby team. Can confirm that was not a good idea, but within joining the rugby team, I met Al and she just has been an incredible support system through the highs and lows and from high school to college to everywhere in between. She's always been there. So super excited to have Alex on and then also excited to have my friend Kellie. I met her during Colby's time on the Providence Bruins. She was a part of the team for the first year and then unfortunately was not a part of the team, but we stayed super close. If you've read my book, I talk about her and her family quite a bit and we spent a lot of holidays with 'em when we couldn't get back home to Canada. So two very special friends who have also now become friends with each other. All three of us are really close friends and yeah, I'm excited for you guys to hear this episode.

(01:36):

Hello, hello, hello. Super excited to have my two best friends on a little best friend episode for you or more. As I said in the intro, they're my two longest and closest friends. So welcome to the show, Kells and Al. Hello.

Alexandra Wisotzki (01:56):

Hi. Thanks for having us.

Emily Cave Boit (01:58):

Of course, Kells's coming in from Boston and Alex is coming in from Ontario, but I figured the most classic thing for us to do before we get starting to all the questions is a fricking cheers because we don't even

Kellie Hayden (02:25):

Cheers to a lot Life. Life. What's ironic though is this little cheers is giving 2020 vibes which gather via FaceTime, which is a little

Alexandra Wisotzki (02:40):

Yes

Kellie Hayden (02:40):

Mind mess up right now.

Alexandra Wisotzki (02:42):

I know that was like five years ago, I can't believe it's been that long,

Emily Cave Boit (02:47):

But I had already kind of done a little intro for you guys. So I want to dive right in because we got lots to talk about. Obviously we're going to talk about, I'm warning people. This is probably the most emotional podcast episode. We probably should have some Kleenex too, but I wanted to start off kind of fun. You guys have known me for so long. So what's one thing about me that people wouldn't assume that's not the media, Emily or not the Colby Cave's widow or the influencer? Emily, what's one thing when you think of me that all of a side that you think of for

Alexandra Wisotzki (03:29):

I can go first if you want em's, love for food, people would not guess it because of her size, but that girl loves, especially pizza and cookie dough. There has been countless nights that we've polished off like an entire tube of cookie dough raw. Yes, I know. So good for you. And once after one of my surgeries, she actually snuck pizza into the hospital so that me and her could eat it. So she loves her food. She eats more than you would ever guess.

Kellie Hayden (04:07):

It's true because when we were flying to Nashville, I was like, oh, do you want to stop and get something before we get on the plane? And she's like, yeah, let's go to this place. And then ate an entire steak before we got on a plane. I was like, whatcha doing? I was carb loading. It was for berry protein loading and being, in hindsight, we were going to see, we were going to meet up with you, Alex. So

Emily Cave Boit (04:30):

I know that trip was,

Kellie Hayden (04:32):

In hindsight, that protein was very neat.

Alexandra Wisotzki (04:36):

We needed it. We lived on tacos for the rest of the weekend.

Kellie Hayden (04:43):

So my little funny thing, I think about this day all of the time, and people from Canada probably know this about you, but I remember this day happening and being like, what are you doing? So I dunno if you remember this story, but I came over and met up with you and our other friend Joelle and got snowed in at the apartment and we actually walked to that little convenience corner store in Providence and got ice cream and candy and we're going to have just a day. And this car, it had tons of snow coming down and this car just spins out, is stuck in the middle of the intersection. And me being in New Englander from Boston is like, Ooh, that not my problem. Just keep walking. You literally put all your stuff down in the snowbank all a sudden, mind you, there's snow coming down, it's the middle of an intersection traffic, and you are over there pushing this car out. And I was like, what are you doing that's so dangerous? And you come back and you're like, oh, sorry you weren't going to help him. And I was like, no. And you're like, we're from Canada. We just help people out all the time. We're so nice. And I was like, oh God, I need to do some self-reflection because that was not crossing my mind. I

Emily Cave Boit (06:07):

Totally remember that day I think, yeah, me and Joelle jumped right in and we're trying to push it out. I think we eventually got it out

Kellie Hayden (06:14):

In very quickly. You guys were just like, and the car went

Emily Cave Boit (06:19):

Small but mighty

Kellie Hayden (06:20):

Mind you dumbfounded.

Emily Cave Boit (06:21):

Yes, strong m mighty.

Kellie Hayden (06:23):

So that's one of my funny memories and things about you is that everybody probably knows this already. You're willing to kind of give for people all the time, do for people all the time, which obviously we know it was listening to this podcast, but to see it in raw action, that was pretty funny. And this was, I don't know, 2015, 2016, we just became friends and like, oh my

Emily Cave Boit (06:50):

Gosh, that was wild. I totally remember that day. I totally miss New England snowstorms. I feel like they're just, I don't know, I feel like they're magical. I don't know, but I'm like a Boston girl at heart, I swear.

Kellie Hayden (07:05):

Yeah, for sure.

Emily Cave Boit (07:07):

But speaking back on, yeah, so Alex, obviously we met when I was in grade nine in Barry, Ontario when I joined the rugby team long, long, long, long time ago. It actually makes me feel really old. Kel. We met when Cole came to Boston. We met through the team there. So looking at just during that time, I think what's really cool is that when Alex would come to visit, she got to know you Kel and then now all three of us are friends. Both of you were my bridesmaids and me and Colby's wedding. Obviously Alex came to your wedding Kel, then Alex had Everett and us being a part of that and seeing him grow. So I feel like we've all seen each other through all the different seasons. Seasons and stages. Oh yeah. I always say that if I was in trouble, I feel like it would be because me and Alex, no, here's how I think it goes. I think someone upsets me. Alex punches them out. And Kellie, you're thinking long-term how we all escape out of jail. I think that's the dynamic here. Alex and me are the reactive. Let's F and go

Alexandra Wisotzki (08:38):

Ginger rage and

Emily Cave Boit (08:39):

Elle's back.

Alexandra Wisotzki (08:41):

She's

Emily Cave Boit (08:41):

Checking, checking, checking. And

Kellie Hayden (08:43):

Then she has this master plan to, I'm like, guys, wait, let's think about this first. And you guys are no

Emily Cave Boit (08:49):

Dead outside of jail.

Alexandra Wisotzki (08:52):

But I can't help that. I always have always felt like your bigger sister and whenever anyone is means to you. Grade nine. I don't like situation grade nine. The angry side. Yeah, the angry side of me comes out and I just get way too much and then Kellie's going to have to bail us out of jail.

Kellie Hayden (09:10):

Yeah, actually speaking

Emily Cave Boit (09:12):

Of natural trip, shocking. I was just about to bring that up before we get into more other stuff. That Nashville trip was, so for a backstory, that was the first time we all saw each other. I mean I hadn't seen you a year and a half until after we died because of Covid and then I flew to Boston, we flew together in Nashville and Alex and we had a morbid girls trip, but a Yolo trip. It was just like, I have this video of me and Alex on the floor and Jason Aldean and Kellie's taking it. I remember sending it to my family being like, this is the most fun I've had since Colby passed away. And I think it still, I get emotional thinking about it. It was so fun because that trip is hands down, the most funnest trip I think I've ever been. Nothing will be. It was so

Kellie Hayden (10:11):

Much

Emily Cave Boit (10:11):

Fun. And those burrito traps. And then Kellie classic Kellie just leaves the bar and leaves me and Alex and Kellie's like,

Alexandra Wisotzki (10:21):

I'm going to be, we had so many people message both em and I being like, did you guys abandon her? Where is she? And we're like, no, she just, I'm

Kellie Hayden (10:29):

Pretty sure your mom messaged me Kellen or I ordered pizza and we were just, I mean I feel like a lot of people listening to this have been to Broadway or it's a very popular destination. We were not far from the hotel and it was no, I couldn't literally see the hotel from where we were. And so I was like, listen, it's 1:00 AM. I'm done. I got to go. And so I just went back, got pizza, watched tv, and then I was watching true crime television and then I was like, I just left my friends at the bar. You're two Canadian friends at the bar blue crime 1 0 1 when they're like, what did you do last night? And I'm like, yeah, I left them there. What was I thinking officer? I don't know.

Emily Cave Boit (11:17):

I remember too, we knew that Brenda was buying your engagement ring and talking to your parents during that weekend that we were in Nashville and you kept checking his location too. And I was like, Kellie, stop. I'm like, Kellie, you can't look. But that trip, honestly that video is like, I feel like that was the first time I was genuinely happy and having a glimpse of myself again after. Yeah,

Alexandra Wisotzki (11:52):

Finally you

Emily Cave Boit (11:53):

Smile, thought a little bit of come

Alexandra Wisotzki (11:55):

Out of your

Emily Cave Boit (11:55):

Shell back. But I mean that had been a year and a half. But yeah, that trip trip was so funny. It was just such a it a fun trip. I feel like we need, you missed Nashville last time. Me and Caroline and Alex. So we got to go back, just the three

Kellie Hayden (12:14):

Of us. Shout out to Jason Aldes second floor. Yes. Thank you for just a fun, good

Emily Cave Boit (12:26):

Vibes.

Kellie Hayden (12:26):

Jason Aldes. And then what was our other favorite one?

Emily Cave Boit (12:31):

I think we liked Florida, Georgia Line that weekend. Oh, we did go to Florida, Georgia line too. That was

Kellie Hayden (12:36):

Fun.

Emily Cave Boit (12:37):

But also big-ish show. And then me, you SN goes to the burrito truck that was kitty corner to our hotel that is still there to this day, five years later they have the best spicy dipping sauce. Okay, now let's get into some nitty gritty stuff. What is your guys' favorite memory of Colby? And I'm going to drink as you talk about X, I'll probably cry.

Alexandra Wisotzki (13:10):

Do you want to go first, pal or me?

Kellie Hayden (13:12):

I can go first for this one because this one is one that I am going to really try not to get emotional, which I probably will. So sorry in advance. But so I've told this story to many people. Emily, I think a story I'm going to tell I have two favorite memories. One of them being just grouped together. All of the holidays we spent together at my family's house. Just when you guys were in Boston and particularly Easter, your birthday, just all the different times we got together.

Emily Cave Boit (13:48):

Thanksgiving.

Kellie Hayden (13:49):

Yeah, Thanksgiving. And Colby was always so thoughtful about things and he would make, he made scallops or AP and bacon and he

Emily Cave Boit (13:59):

Was such a good cook,

Kellie Hayden (14:00):

Was just so thoughtful about the things he was bringing to someone's home and was just always so respectful and nice and kind. So that's one. That's my just regular one. But my favorite memory of Kolby is probably your entire bridal shower weekend. But particularly I flew in to Toronto 6:00 AM

Emily Cave Boit (14:25):

Or seven. You ever flew into Canada? You had to get a passport for it.

Kellie Hayden (14:28):

Yeah. Oh yeah. I had to get a passport for this and I was like, what? 25?

Emily Cave Boit (14:34):

You were so excited about a

Kellie Hayden (14:35):

Stamp. Yeah, so excited to get a passport stamp. Oh my God. It's my first time getting my passport stamped. Like yay. And lo and behold, they don't do that anymore. I didn't know that. And so I walk out of customs and baggage and I see you standing there and I'm like, where's Colby? You didn't drive here yourself. Where is he? And you're like, well, it's a funny story. The car broke down or got a flat tire or whatever it was. I don't remember exactly what happened. He is about two miles from here. And I was like, oh you go, that's horrible. And it was like 8:00 AM and it was a Friday. It was definitely commuter time. And so we got in an Uber Ubered to where his car was broken down, which was in intersection. It wasn't in a parking lot or anything. And he walks out, there's a Tim Hortons across the street.

(15:34):

He walks out of a Tim Hortons with a box of Timbits and he's like, Kellie, mind you, this is such a pain for him. His car just broke down. He's in an intersection and all this man is concerned about is making sure that I get this warm welcome to Canada. And I've never had Tim Hor. So he brings over a box of tidbits and coffee and I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe this is kind of a pain for you. And so it was so nice and so funny. And so we finally got the tow truck driver and the tow truck driver is thinking he's towing the car around the block and Colby's like it

Emily Cave Boit (16:18):

Was like two hours away

Kellie Hayden (16:20):

I needed to tow me back to Barry. And we spend this whole ride with this guy and the guy eventually figures out who Colby is and he was like, oh my god, wait a second. Are you Colby Cave? And Colby is just so humble about it. And so like, oh yeah, ask me. And we have a photo of the four of us, you and me em in the back drinking coffee and Colby and the driver up front. And it was just so funny. He dropped us off.

Emily Cave Boit (16:54):

It's like a selfie with the tow truck guy.

Kellie Hayden (16:56):

Yeah, we typically the selfie just start my

Emily Cave Boit (16:57):

Bridal shower weekend off.

Kellie Hayden (16:59):

Yes. So that was just such a funny night or funny morning. And then later that night all of us, including Alex, went out and just kind of went around downtown Berry and we were in this country and western bar. The ranch. The ranch. There was nobody there. There was shut up it,

Emily Cave Boit (17:22):

It was Friday, it could've been a Thursday, it could have maybe even been a Thursday.

Kellie Hayden (17:26):

I mean I think we were the only, we were five or six people or we were friends from home. So it must've been like eight of us, but we were the only people there.

Alexandra Wisotzki (17:35):

And we were, yeah, there's a video of and Colby dancing and the dance floor is completely empty and at night

Kellie Hayden (17:41):

Was so much fun. We just went to a bar and danced by ourselves. It was just such a fun time. And just that whole weekend was just so funny and one of my favorite memories. And I just think that that whole thing just truly spoke about who Pul was as a person.

Emily Cave Boit (18:00):

He was calm, cool, collective, never all the years we were together, I never heard him once raise his voice, never once get upset, no victim. He literally never complained once ever

Kellie Hayden (18:25):

Made the best of every situation caring about other people's

Emily Cave Boit (18:29):

Experience. Even in his own crappy time, he was still thinking

Kellie Hayden (18:33):

His down is two hours from home and he's like, Kellie's coming and she's never had the Canada got to give her the Canada experience and it's like it was too,

Alexandra Wisotzki (18:42):

The people that were important to em we're super important to Kohl's because he cared about your people. We were his people too.

Emily Cave Boit (18:53):

I couldn't agree with that more. And I think that's really important. What about you Al? I know where this one is.

Alexandra Wisotzki (19:03):

So I was trying to rack my brain there and I was like, I was here, obviously I came to Boston with Stay the weekend with you guys, but I think my favorite Kolby memory wasn't directly Kolby related, but it was when he got called up for his first NHL game. So I had met this guy on Bumble, bailed on him already for one date. I'm going to laugh through this. And I had rescheduled this date and had just gotten there and I get five phone calls from them, pick up your phone, pick up your phone, I need you pick up your phone. And I'm like, what? So I answered the phone. As I'm walking, I can see the guy. I am walking towards him and she tells me that Colby's been called up to the NHL and that she needs to get on a plane in the next hour and a half. And she's in Barry right now and it's about an hour to get to Toronto. So she's like, I was flying Porter

Emily Cave Boit (20:01):

Too. So we had

Alexandra Wisotzki (20:02):

Downtown Toronto you to get downtown Toronto. And I was like, oh my God. Then I was like, okay, yeah, sure. I'm like, but you have to tell the guy. So she's like, okay, bye. She's like, put him on the phone. And I hand this phone to this stranger that I had met on Bumble and I was like, I'm sorry. And I don't know what em said, but she basically told the guy, look, I need my best friend and you're going to have to reschedule. Which obviously worked, never ended up happening, but Id, yeah, worked out for the best. I raced the EM'S house, grabbed her and her mom and took their vehicle and we booked it to Porter. I think you had minutes to spare on that flight. She ended up obviously making it to his first game and I got a text message from Colby.

(20:57):

It was lucky days later, but it was just super sweet thanking me for making sure that em was there and how it was such a big moment for him and it wouldn't have been the same without her. It touched me that I, oh, I'm going to get emotional. It touched me that I got to be a little bit part of his hockey journey and your journey with him. It was special that he even took time to acknowledge that, which obviously we're Stein like Colby is an amazing person and would do all that, but it was sweet. I remember getting

Emily Cave Boit (21:29):

The text, I remember, I don't even, I think that guy was just like, I was like, were we engaged yet? No, I don't think we were engaged. When he was called up for the first time, I was like, my boyfriend just got called up. I'm like, but it's not posted yet, so you can't say anything. I was like, but it will be posted in a few hours. I promise you I'm not lying. And then, yeah, you booked me. My mom didn't feel comfortable driving, so you drove and booked us down there and we were just like, yeah, I remember running again off the flight, but Colby texting you and I mean even that, that's what best friends are for. I wouldn't have met, I wouldn't have gotten to his game. No one would've been there for him. And that is one of my favorite kolby moments still to this day is watching him go on that ice and fulfill that dream that can never be beat.

(22:23):

Nothing will ever beat that moment. So yeah, it was really cool getting to experience that. And I know in the book too, Kellie talked about all the times I was at your family's house and your dad would get us drunk with your fak and pores and grasshoppers and then he'd look at his phone and it'd be like Dawn Sweeney, you're being called up. And then we'd have to go to the gym, sprint out the alcohol, and then get our butt soaked to Boston. I feel like you two are the good little good luck charms too.

Kellie Hayden (23:00):

Wow. I forgot about that. I don't know how wasn't one of my favorite memories with him, but yeah, kind of just like a joke. It started as a joke and then it happened four times, so it really wasn't a joke, but we were like, you have to think your season's over and you have to drink old fashions with my dad. And when you're just a little bit too drunk, you're going to get called up in full disclaimer. He never played drunk. It was always the next day or he was flying out before I get any crazy messages. Wash

Emily Cave Boit (23:36):

Never played drunk. It was always very,

Kellie Hayden (23:40):

No, it wasn't like the same day. It was like days. I feel like I have to say that now these

Emily Cave Boit (23:43):

Days. Seriously. But yeah, I feel like there are so many countless memories that you look back on and yeah, you're just so thankful for our wedding and how fun that was and yeah, it's just all super, super special. But that was going to be a tough one. The week Colby got sick, there was multiple calls for different reasons that kind of came into place. So just I'll kind of talk about mine and then you guys can fill in the blanks for me. When Cole didn't really wake up that morning and we were kind of rushing and they, paramedics took him away. Obviously I called you Alex being a paramedic in the system, being like, can you get me information? And it was actually you that contacted someone at the hospital who got through to the doctor who then the doctor was able to call me because we just called me and my mom called you frantically being like, do you know the paramedic on duty?

(25:04):

How can you find out information in the emergency room, et cetera. So I remember that call with you, Alex, and that was on the Tuesday. The four days are wonky. We can get into that. Each of you guys can talk about it. And then Kellie, I remember call with you on a Saturday, don't really remember what I said, but I remember where I was sitting and I just remember being in the green chair and he had already passed and I don't think I could even say anything really. I was just screaming and crying. So those were obviously the two calls. There was obviously a lot more during that week. But yeah, Alex, just from your opinion, getting that call for those days and then Kellie, you finding out and all of us kind of navigating all of that. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I just texted you guys on Saturday and correct me if I'm wrong, maybe I just said he's dead. I don't know the full details to be honest. All's a big blur. So yeah, Alex, you can talk about that week and then,

Alexandra Wisotzki (26:15):

Yeah, I think he and I could probably tag team this question here. So M talked about it in her book in a little bit there. She FaceTimed me the morning that she woke up and Colby didn't at her parents' house. And I just remember I answered the FaceTime, it was relatively early and she's screaming at the phone and I couldn't understand her at first. And then all I heard her say was, I think Colby's dead, he won't wake up. And I just thought shivers. But it brings back that memory where I'm like, what are you talking about? And then she turns it to her face and she's white, white and she's like, Colby's dead, he won't wake up. And I was like, em go put him on FaceTime and she brought the FaceTime over to me and then I instantly was like, em, go get your parents. You need to call 9 1 1. And I remember being like, do I call 9 1 1? I'm like, do I stay on the phone with

Emily Cave Boit (27:18):

Her? Well, I was also scared. Do I do that with the covid of going up to my parents?

Alexandra Wisotzki (27:23):

Yeah, so you guys have to remember, this is the height of Covid. She's sanctioned in her parents' basement. They had a walkout suite, so her and Colby had flown back from California and they were quarantining there for the two weeks until they were going to be allowed. So she put rubber gloves on her masks, she ran up the stairs and got her mom and her mom. I'm still on FaceTime the entire time they called for paramedics and I don't know em if you meant to or whatever, but you had left the FaceTime on. And I just remember sitting there listening to you cry and your mom trying to console you and these paramedics trying to figure out what was wrong. But everyone will, obviously I worked in that time, it was scary. We didn't really understand what was going on, weren't so quick with their questioning and their as assessments.

Emily Cave Boit (28:20):

I think that really upset me and I am glad you were on that because I think when they came down and they just saw what had happened is actually my parents had ordered us all the wine from our wedding. We were going to be quarantining so that when we couldn't get it in Ontario and we had wine out that wasn't even, I think we just opened one bottle that night. We had wine out all this, a big Costco food, all that, and they walked down and I think they just assumed NHL player, oh, he must have been drinking. And when he was on the couch and they were acting fast, fast and then when they did the pinch, the chest, whatever, and you're supposed to react, and they didn't, it was like this flip, it was this switch and I feel I'm a little annoyed.

Alexandra Wisotzki (29:20):

And then from there, what Emma was talking about is I have a friend who works at the hospital in Bury and I just was like, we got to find a way to get Mond into the hospital. At the time there was no visitors or anything and we need to find answers out. We need to know what's happening. So I remember I hung up with you and I called wit and just basically explained the situation to her and was like, I don't know if you can do anything. And she's like, you know what? I'll go down to emerge even if I can't get her in, at least I can be on the phone. And then from there is how you got your information and all of that.

(29:56):

Then Colby got airlifted to Sunnybrook, which is our trauma center here in Ontario. And from there, I guess for the next three, four days, Kellie and I, we didn't really talk to Emma a lot. Obviously she had so much that she was going through and everyone in the world was messaging her, but Kellie and I, we talk a lot those three days. I just remember being so scared, not scared, just I deal with death at my job and all of that, but scared for em, scared for what was going to happen. And so Kellie and I kind of made a plan in a pact that one of us would message her every two hours. And even if she did pick up our phone call or a text message, it was our job to make sure that she was at least, okay. Kel, you want to keep going?

Emily Cave Boit (31:04):

Yeah. Kel, talk about from when you found out how Alex said.

Kellie Hayden (31:08):

Yeah, so I can't remember. I think that in some point in that first day that you had either called or texted me, I think I

Emily Cave Boit (31:17):

Called in the morning.

Kellie Hayden (31:19):

I think you called me and you were like, this was after the paramedics, after everything. So

Emily Cave Boit (31:25):

I think he was in the helicopter.

Kellie Hayden (31:28):

Yeah. So this was later and you were like, I called Alex and dah dah, dah, and I think he's dead and dah, dah, dah. And I was like, holy, no, no, no. We FaceTimed with him last night. He's fine. Whatcha talking about? So I then get on the phone with Alex, I'm like, tell me what's going on.

Emily Cave Boit (31:46):

You were like, he's going to be fine. We talked to him last night

Kellie Hayden (31:50):

And I said the same thing to Alex. I was like, he's fine. This doesn't make any sense. And so Alex and I both have a medical background obviously, and so we're getting bits and pieces and tidbits of information about his status. And both of us already know that this is not good, but in my brain and in my heart, I was like, he's going to be fine. He's going to be fine. I know he might not play hockey again, but he's going to be fine. And I feel like I clung onto that thought process and that feeling for

Alexandra Wisotzki (32:23):

Yeah, you did

Kellie Hayden (32:25):

A couple days at least. And then we were like, Alex and I were going back and forth a lot being like, okay, well he's intubated, but that's okay. People come off of ventilators all the time and pretty much ignoring my medical background and just for it to have hope and pray. And I think all of us on this call right now believe in the power of prayer. And so I think we were clinging to that really, really, really hard. But yeah, Alex, and I

Emily Cave Boit (33:00):

Think my mom was updating you a little bit more.

Kellie Hayden (33:02):

We were definitely in communication with your family for sure. So I guess I kind of want to jump a little bit to when we found out, because I think that that speaks a lot to what Alex and I did after. And I remember standing outside the PICU at the children's hospital. I worked at the time and getting a phone call from you and you were, I think I just got by from seeing his body. I was emotional. I'm getting get emotional incoherent, like screaming, screaming, crying. I think this was Friday or Saturday, he passed away shortly after this call, I believe

Emily Cave Boit (33:45):

So Friday.

Kellie Hayden (33:47):

And it was just awful. And your mom took the phone, I'm like, tell me what's going on. Take a deep breath, tell me what's going on. Which probably wasn't the best thing to say at the time your mom took the phone and told me. And that was the most gut-wrenching day of my life, I think, until the next day. And I believe that there was some texts and phone calls. To be honest, I don't fully remember because I think that's a little bit of something I block out in my own brain. But Alex and I had this conversation the day that we found out he passed away. And first of all, we talked about how much we love Colby and just how amazing of a person he was. But did I text you guys at 3:00 AM

Emily Cave Boit (34:40):

That I was going to the body or did I call,

Kellie Hayden (34:44):

I think it was a text message.

Alexandra Wisotzki (34:46):

Yeah, I was working that night. I remember I was sitting in the part of the ambulance and I got the text

Kellie Hayden (34:50):

Message message and we were really afraid for what the next steps or what the next few days, months, years were going to bring. She's with this amazing guy, they're going to have this amazing life and he's going to take care of her and he's such an awesome person. And to have that ripped away from you a few months later was just awful. And yeah, I think that Alex and I talked on the phone over text and over FaceTime a lot, multiple times a day, multiple times a day. We had a group chat. We were texting privately saying, okay,

Emily Cave Boit (35:29):

You were also texting with Kim Colby's bullet mom.

Kellie Hayden (35:32):

Yeah, if we don't hear from her, we're going to call her mom. We're going to call her sister. We're going to call people. We have to have an answer. And that was our pact to each other. We're going to reach out every couple of hours and we need to have an answer from

Emily Cave Boit (35:47):

Her. You said something to me not too too long ago. I mean I guess it was like, I dunno, maybe two years ago when I was in Boston and you said we were talking about certain people in my life and you said, unless you were there, I remember it was me, you and Brandy were kind of by your island. Unless you were there and you knew me during that time, you will never fully understand the trauma. And you were like, we had just lost Kolby and then we were now fighting to keep you alive too and just try to keep me going. And I think Covid didn't help any of that. I mean, normally you guys would be able to come over that day, be there during the week, whatever, Kel, you weren't allowed to cross the border. Alex, you were stuck.

Alexandra Wisotzki (36:47):

I I came to your porch and dropped you off food and I wasn't even allowed to hug you. You were saying I had six feet away to leave you food and stuff. So mess up.

Kellie Hayden (36:57):

I mean, if you think about it in normal times, what do you do when somebody passes away? You're at their house, you're making them take a shower, you're bringing them meals and flowers and gathering, and that's how you grieve losses is sharing pictures and laughing and talking about the person. And during Covid, not only was this a profound and unexpected loss, it was at a time where everybody had to be distanced. And as a friend that experienced the loss as well, that was really hard and really scary. And it's definitely something I will never ever forget.

Alexandra Wisotzki (37:37):

Yeah, I remember the day after, I believe Colby died and Kellie messaged me and we had already known, and then the text came in and she goes, I can't believe he just passed. And I was like, we just had a conversation about this. And she was like, no, I think it just registered that it's actually real now. And we talked about this too, that we're watching M Grieve and we're trying to be there for her. And then we're like the whole world grieve. We lost the whole world grief. But then we were like, we didn't even get to also grieve until we, because we were trying to make everything okay. And then watching you go through something that I don't think anyone will ever go through a situation like you did again, unless there's another World War flag or whatever. But nobody's going to have all of the deck stacked against them like you did. And it was a lot,

Emily Cave Boit (38:34):

I mean the cyst, extremely rare, non-cancerous brain tumor, but severely bad luck covid the world, watching him die. I can't even talk about him dying alone,

Alexandra Wisotzki (38:48):

Not even being able to abuse it,

Emily Cave Boit (38:51):

Talk

Alexandra Wisotzki (38:51):

About it. That doesn't happen.

Emily Cave Boit (38:54):

I get so yeah, I remember the phone calls on Tuesday and then Saturday, I remember you guys made me that birthday video with Kim and Brian and Dior and Shane. My birthday was two weeks later, the flowers. It was just so I think you nailed it when you said, not that long ago, Kellie, none of these people are going to get it because they haven't there. It's surreal to even think about, as you say, Alex, all these

Alexandra Wisotzki (39:34):

Stacks, you've had haters come at you saying, there's no way any of this is real and all of that, all of the details, people, they, they basically were publicized. She had everything go wrong, all against her.

Kellie Hayden (39:55):

And in terms of the people who don't get it or just are not open-minded enough to be empathetic in that way, what I would say to you, and I think that you kind of started saying this, but it's a privilege to grow old and it's a privilege to not know that profound loss. And so if you've ever had to lose a friend like that or you've never had to worry about your friend's mental health to the point where you and your other friend are calling and texting every hour or two, then good for you. And I'm glad that you have not had to experience that because nobody should. But it's true. And people have, and one of the things that I think makes it difficult in its own way is that people were home and people were not out doing the things they normally do. So there was a lot of rumors circulating. And I remember reading articles that he had a brain aneurysm or he had covid, and it's like none of that is true. And that just I feel like added extra layers. And I

Emily Cave Boit (41:04):

Think too, to mean even still to this day, I have these moments where I think back on that week, and I mean even my family's, honestly, I honestly do not know how my mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law survived in that house. It was so, yeah, my dad making meals, my mom tried. It was chaotic. And then you guys from afar, it was just out of this world. And like you said, Alex, you guys were grieving your loss, but focusing on me, which can cause delayed grief. I remember, I think I eventually, I mean, I don't remember you being six feet away in the drivers. I don't even know if I'd come out. Some people would come visit to my parents in the driveway and I just wouldn't get off the couch. I think I got off for you, but some people I just wouldn't. But eventually, I think it was a few weeks later, I went for a walk with you. Yeah, they took Chester out and I kind of walked around. But even then it was just this, even still to this day, you kind of look back on it and you're like, did that happen? Was I in that horror movie? Was I the main character?

(42:44):

It doesn't make sense.

Kellie Hayden (42:49):

It still doesn't to this day. It still doesn't. When I just think about it. And even preparing for this podcast this morning, I was just looking at some old photos and even just thinking about some of the random nights in your apartment and just all those funny random things, it just doesn't make sense still. And I guess we'll never really truly know why this happened, but

Emily Cave Boit (43:22):

Is there one thing you remember during that week that I said, or my mom said, or someone said you said to each other that really sticks out? Or is it all just blurry for both of you?

Kellie Hayden (43:37):

I mean, I might speak for both of us here, so correct me if I'm wrong, Alex, but I think one of the hardest phone calls that, I mean aside from the phone calls with you, those were horrific. But talking to Alex and saying, we need to keep her alive, that was such a gut punch. And I said it out loud and I meant it. It wasn't something that you just as a slip of the tongue or a slip of the brain.

Alexandra Wisotzki (44:09):

I remember too, we were saying, we honestly don't think that you would've been here if you didn't have trust her. Oh,

Emily Cave Boit (44:17):

110%.

Alexandra Wisotzki (44:20):

I remember see this once again, I remember Kellie was like, if that dog wasn't here, I don't know how else we were doing everything we could from afar, but it's not like we could be there to force feed you water and force feed you food. And we like how I said we were legit scared and we thought that it was our job, but we're your best friends and we wanted to be there for you. And we were just so scared on how we were going to make that

Emily Cave Boit (44:54):

Work. I will say to my dying day, if we did not have Chester, I can confidently say I would not be here because Chester is the last thing I have of Colby. And Colby loved that dog. And I know people are like, that's so weird to compare it to as a child. But that was our child together and he loved that dog so much that in my thought process was like I couldn't, Chester was even grieving. Chester was crying into his clothes and scratching the couch that he was unresponsive on, and my parents had to get rid of the couch. If Chester, yeah, if there was no Chester, there would be no me on this podcast today. And still to this day, that dog is my lifeline.

(45:52):

So yeah, I would not, that's such a gift looking back that Colby got me that dog because yeah, I would not be here without him. Your family and friends can only do so much for sure. But talking about that now, so after that week and now almost five years out, what's one thing that has shocked you both that I'm still dealing with, or obviously young Widowhood was new to me. It was new to you guys, it was like you expect widows in your later years. So just watching me navigate the young widowhood or public eye or dating and marrying again, obviously Alex, you were pregnant and weren't able to attend bachelorettes and weddings, but Kellie, you were in my wedding as well with Colin and just kind of navigating yourself and watching me navigate and my family and Colby's loved ones navigating the five years.

Alexandra Wisotzki (47:20):

I kind of said it quickly before, but the hate that you get and not privately, there's public hate too. And I'm appalled at some of the things people have said in the past, and I'm sure you still get more that now you just delete sometimes. But sometimes we'll screenshot them and send them to Kellie and I, and it's always, sometimes it's fake accounts and they'll do something. But a lot of the time it's people's real accounts and they just write comments on if the Oilers or the Bruins had put up a photo of Colby, they'll write in the comments and just the things about M. And then when she did meet Holland and she started dating again and she was happy, the amount of hate that you received just for living your life, people, I don't know what people expected from you. And obviously there's no rule book on how to deal with this or what timeline and it's you living your life and it should be no one else's business.

(48:27):

And just the disgusting, rude comments that you'd get. Not always from, like I said, private people either. Sometimes the hate came from people that she knows and people that you would never think would be shooting hate back her. And he just sometimes keeps things close to her chest. And again, she gets hate for that, but there's reasons for it and it's because even friends and family that you would think would protect her sometimes have not. And that sucks as your best friend and Kellie and I, your best friends, seeing that, that's been so hard for me and for her, and I just personally hate it. But

Kellie Hayden (49:19):

Yeah, I a hundred percent agree. And one of the biggest things just kind of rolling off that in addition is you've been so open about this journey from the beginning and you have been, I see this to you, this is your favorite line. I see this to you all the time. I'm like, I know where this is going. And it's so true. This happened in this trauma is not a secret and it's baffling to me that for some reason people are hateful of it and then they're surprised that you're talking about it. And it's like, again, this is not a secret and this is somebody's life. This was Colby's life. And I think that one of the other big things that surprises me is sometimes people on the internet in real life, whatever, just expect that, okay, five years have passed, so now you should just not talk about him ever again.

(50:28):

And that's really shocking to me. Even last year I ran the Boston Marathon in honor of Colby, and we raised almost $13,000 for the Boston Bruins Foundation in Colby's name. And some people were kind of like, oh, well she's getting married, so why are you doing that? And it's like, just because she's getting married doesn't mean that Colby didn't exist. And that doesn't mean that I can't love Colin with open arms. And so I just think it's surprising that there's that kind of all or nothing mentality from, like Alex said, sometimes strangers, but sometimes people that know you really well as well. And it's sad and it's surprising. And one of the other things that I said earlier on this podcast is like, if you did not know that loss and you don't know that profound, the profoundness of that loss, then that is a privilege. And I am glad for you. But I guess I'm surprised that people are not more open-minded. And again, it's not a secret. This is not new information. So

Emily Cave Boit (51:41):

I feel like

Kellie Hayden (51:44):

Saying all the time too.

Emily Cave Boit (51:47):

I know, I feel like you're being very graceful

Kellie Hayden (51:53):

Right now, Kellie.

Emily Cave Boit (51:55):

I think you are being very graceful. Well, yeah, I feel like it would be fair to say that it was just all a journey navigating even so five years later how to do, we're

Alexandra Wisotzki (52:18):

Proud of you. Very, very proud of you.

Kellie Hayden (52:22):

That's an understatement for sure.

Alexandra Wisotzki (52:26):

Yeah, none of us

Kellie Hayden (52:27):

Cried. Oh, come on. We made it so good with, I got goose bumps and I was choked up multiple times.

Alexandra Wisotzki (52:36):

You're too far away to hug. Same. You're in a different country right now.

Kellie Hayden (52:40):

Yeah. Come on. Oh, well I'm in the US too. I'm on a Cali on the East coast. Yeah, I mean that's

Alexandra Wisotzki (52:48):

Why you're doing this podcast though. Think of all the people that you're helping and

Kellie Hayden (52:52):

To tell the story.

Alexandra Wisotzki (52:53):

Every widow and every person that's going through some sort of shit that listens to your podcast and your stories and everything you put on your Instagram, you're helping so many people.

Emily Cave Boit (53:03):

Yeah, I feel like, yeah, I feel like there's media definitely. I always say this, there's the medium and the non medium, and I definitely feel like the non media is feeling heavy. But yeah, thankful for you two and family and friends that have been there for all stages and that are accepting of new stages, even if they don't agree with 'em or whatever. But yeah, I feel like that's what I focus on and what Colby would want me to focus on and to remembering whoever you, I think back on that Nashville trip, being truly happy or the places you feel safe in or around the people that know you best or have also seen you at your worst. So yeah, thankful for you guys. And I know Cole is too, for sure.

Alexandra Wisotzki (54:25):

Yeah, we miss him. I think he has a lot of memories and some spiciness there. We love you. We love you,

Emily Cave Boit (54:39):

Love you guys. Let's plan another national trip soon. I want that burrito trick.

Kellie Hayden (54:48):

Oh, we can be done.

Emily Cave Boit (54:51):

Perfect.

Kellie Hayden (54:52):

Preferably before 1:00 AM though, because I'm getting old.

Emily Cave Boit (54:57):

Seriously. Okay, well, thanks for coming on.

Alexandra Wisotzki (55:00):

No problem. No problem. Love you.

Emily Cave Boit (55:04):

Love you guys. Well, that episode was a tough one, but a funny one. I feel like it was a little bit of spicy and sour. Not going to lie. We also had to make some edits to it before posting it for you guys. But as you can see, Kel and Alex have helped me get through so much in the past few years, and I'm just so lucky to have them. And I feel like it's just a reminder that good friends and a community and sports system can really help you get through anything. So I'm really, really lucky to have them. But yeah, thanks again for listening to the podcast. I literally cannot believe we've had 10 episodes. If you have enjoyed the episodes, please like, comment, write reviews, and if you know anyone that would be amazing to have on the show, we're always open to suggestions, so email us and let us know. But have a great week. And remember, be somebody that makes everybody feel like a somebody.