Praying for Strangers: A Journey Through Loss and Faith

Have You Ever Found Healing in the Most Unexpected Places?

Emily shares an emotional and unexpected realization—how a difficult medical diagnosis led her to confront her deepest trauma and ultimately find healing. 

Initially dreading every appointment, Emily describes a powerful moment of clarity and peace that shifted her perspective entirely. 

Through raw honesty, she reflects on grief, faith, and the surprising ways healing can unfold over time. 

With heartfelt gratitude to her listeners, she acknowledges the power of collective support, the beauty of prayer, and the importance of embracing every part of the healing journey—even the parts that feel unbearable.

Listen For:

02:44 – Hemochromatosis & Hospital Trauma

05:04 – Praying for Strangers: A Shift in Perspective

12:04 – Jealousy in Grief: A Hard but Normal Feeling

18:09 – The Power of Small Acts: Giving Back Through Kindness

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Contact Emily:

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Transcript

Emily Cave Boit (00:00):

I wanted to start off by sharing a text I got through Buzz Sprout. All I know with the name is 4 9 8 1, but it meant the world to me to receive. So Dear Emily, I'm listening to your most recent podcast. I've followed your journey and I've learned so much something that flagged with me this morning. You used the word intertwining today and it clicked. I've known all along, I can't say I know your grief because I don't. What I know is the grief of losing my parents and my brother. These are very different and I recognize that, but they are intertwined. Thanks for all that you do. Please remember how important it is. Take care. It means so much to me, and I know it's so cliche to say, it means so much to me when you guys send these messages or comments or leaves reviews, but they really do. They do make my day and they give me courage and strength even five years later to keep on going. So I can't thank you guys enough and to 4, 9, 8, 1, wherever you are. Please know this message made me smile, so thank you and I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how proud your parents and brother are of you.

(01:25):

Hey everyone. Welcome back to episode 11 of you Are More with Emily Cave Boit. I'm doing a solo episode today. I wanted to talk about a few different things, but I think recently I made a post on Instagram and I just want to take this episode and kind of dive deep more into that post because I think it hit home for a lot of you guys. So welcome back and excited to share a little bit more. For those of you that don't know, I had posted a few weeks ago that for the past few months I've been on this whole health journey since moving to the States. And what had happened is we found out that I was diagnosed with hemochromatosis, kind of a big word, originally, had no idea what this meant, but thankfully it's getting under control right now. But for a while there when they were trying to figure out a lot of different tests, I was constantly in and out of the hospital and getting blood work and meeting with doctors, and it was super triggering for me because I already have a lot of medical trauma and I'm not a fan of hospitals.

(02:44):

So I had a lot of emotions, I would say anger, sadness, frustration, that here was one of the, probably one of the most people on the face of the planet that had the most medical trauma that was now forced into these weekly hospital visits. And even still to this day, my treatment plan with hemochromatosis, I'm getting my blood work done every week at the hospital, and then I'm at a clinic getting my blood removed to help lower my ferritin and iron. I'm all okay to those that are listening. But reflecting back on those last few months, like I said, I think I was just very confused on why I was put in this situation. I was already in a new country. I didn't know anyone. I was with new doctors, new hospitals, and trying to figure it all out. So I'm going to read you guys what I wrote for the post and then we can kind of debrief into a little bit more because it hit home for a lot of people, like 13 million people have viewed this post, so I definitely wanted to dive into it a little bit more.

(04:07):

So I had posted a picture of me holding Colby's hand the day he died with a picture. It was kind of like a carousel. So I swiped and the next picture was a quote that is on the wall in the lobby of the hospital that I walk by all the time to get my blood work. And the quote says, what you do makes a difference. You have to decide what kind of difference you want to make. And as I was sitting there, I just had this overwhelming peace and feeling for the first time in five years in a hospital. So I wrote this today at the hospital almost five years since this photo I prayed. I felt this overwhelming peace as I was waiting to pray for complete strangers, something that so many of you did all around the world and have continued to do still to this day.

(05:04):

I prayed for an IC unit that I knew absolutely no one in. I prayed for family members who are walking out of that hospital with only a bag of their loved one's belongings their wedding ring, the last clothes they wore, a piece of their hair that the nurse cut off. I prayed for the doctors and nurses. I prayed that strangers wouldn't die. I prayed that no one would experience the unfathomable pain that I felt that day that this photo was taken. I know very well that death is a part of life, but my heart just felt extra heavy knowing as I sat there, there were people experiencing it. Then as I walked outside, a helicopter flew over me. I was like, okay, really God, you're pushing it. But then I prayed again. I prayed for the person in that helicopter to live. Not going to lie.

(05:48):

It stung for a second, kind of felt like a gut punch, but then I felt a sense of peace. I know that seems so messed up to say. However, being jealous that your loved one didn't make it while others have is very normal. It's healthy to emit that part of grief. For months, I've been very upset about these weekly visits, flashbacks have me dreading each appointment. Some days I've been in tears and petrified of hearing in a code blue. I've thought, odd thoughts, dark widow thing as I wonder what the morgue looks like. Other days I've had an overwhelming urge to hug strangers and pay for their food in the food court. I guess why I'm sharing this is because today there was a flip switch moment of maybe why I've been having to do these weekly visits. They've slowly been healing and helping me in ways that I never thought were possible since April 7th to 11th 2020.

(06:40):

Call it irony fate or God's plan, but my perspective instantly changed. So I just want to thank every single person that has prayed for me since April 11th, 2020. You didn't have to, but you did. And it's those prayers that have me here almost five years later. Thank you. Honestly, when I posted this again, I did not think it would get all the traction that it did, but it was kind of cool and I felt like it was a full circle moment. And as I said, I had been sitting in this hospital multiple times leading up to this moment, but it was like this flip switch moment for me, and I wasn't maybe as scared anymore, which is ironic because when I did go in to take my blood test that day, the lady looked at my arm and I have Colby's vows tattooed on my arm that says, I love you with all my heart.

(07:43):

And she goes, oh, is that your husband's? Does your husband have the same on his? And I was like, unfortunately, my husband passed away and this is his handwriting. And I kind of felt like it was cold giving me a sign being like, good job. You've crossed another milestone, or I'm so proud of you. But yeah, I just want to dive a little bit more deeper into how grief, healing, faith all kind of intertwine in expected ways. And don't get me wrong, when Colby first died, I was so angry and still to this day, I don't understand it. And I have days where I'm angry, and I think a lot of people have asked me how much losing coal has changed my faith. And I think one of the best things was our church friends at the time let me be angry, and they weren't pushing.

(08:40):

Everything happens for a reason. They down my throat, they let me swear, they let me throw things. They let me be as mad as I wanted because mad and angry is also emotion that we've been given. So I think it's really important if you know someone grieving or you're grieving yourself to accept that it's okay to be angry because this isn't fair. And it does hurt and it is painful. So as I was sitting there and kind of having flashbacks multiple times of what it was like to be in the ICU or walk through the front door or I could close my eyes and tell you exactly how to get to the critical care unit in Sunnybrook and what elevator, I just kind of had this weird feeling of, I wonder what it's like for people here. And maybe that's a dark widow humor thing, or maybe that's not a normal thing to think, but I was thinking, I wonder how you get to the ICU in there.

(09:43):

I wonder the stories that are in that ICU, I wonder what family members are in that ICU. And I just felt heavy. And like I said, there was multiple times I was in the food court that I wanted to hug strangers or doctors that looked very tired and exhausted. And maybe that's my way of trying to understand. I couldn't really be there when Colby was sick and in the hospital and dying, and I couldn't really hug his doctors because it was in Covid and I missed that opportunity. So I think I'll always long and wonder what other people's experiences are like, and that's just a part of my grief journey. But what's interesting me in the hospital is a hospital is kind of weird to think about it. You entered this building and there are babies born and experiencing. There's people in there experiencing the best day of their lives.

(10:47):

And then there's also people that are very, very close experiencing the worst day of your lives. And I know it's so cliche to say that there's universal nature of loss and that death is a part of life, but it's still an unthinkable for those experiencing for those living it in real time. I knew death was part of life. I knew that people pass away. I had experienced loss before, but it wasn't until I lost kolby that I fully grasped that and just totally took for granted, as I always say, what a privilege it is to grow old. But I do think one of the blessings that have come out of losing Colby is I'm now, which can be hard at times, more hypersensitive to other people's losses, and my heart just completely aches for them. So yeah, it was kind of a weird moment. I don't know why it happened that day, but when I walked outside and I make a joke about seeing the helicopter and being like, really, this is pushing it.

(12:04):

I prayed for the ICU, I prayed for the doctors, but the helicopter was kind of the cherry on top of the cake you could say. But it also reminded me that the reaction of frustration, disbelief, and the sting of seeing someone else in the fight for their life, even though they're complete strangers is still a part of grief and will always be a part of my journey just as people that are married to their first spouse or never experienced a magnitude of a loss as I did at such a young age or had a normal twenties. I'm almost 32 now, and I just look back, what would my life have been if I had a normal 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and now the rest of my life. But I'm so grateful that I'm not normal because if I was normal, I probably wouldn't have met Colby and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. So yeah, I just want to comment on all those emotions and how they're totally valid. But whether it's the gut punch of being jealous, your loved one didn't make it while others did, that's normal. Whether it is you being worried to step into a hospital again after losing your loved one, that's normal. Whether you wanting to give up on your faith during a time of complete and utter pain and you can't fathom or understand, that's normal.

(13:53):

But as I say this, there is a time looking back now that here I never thought I would be in the position that I was for praying for random strangers. And I think that just shows you how you can be healing when you don't even know that you're healing. I once dreaded these weekly hospital visits when I found about my hemochromatosis, but now to me, I look forward to them almost. I'm not scared of hearing code blues. I mean, I still have memories that are triggered in that environment. I have to go for my blood work tomorrow.

(14:34):

But I look forward to those times because I know I'm given an opportunity to, whether it's pray for strangers in the building or buy the person's coffee in front of me because you don't know their story, or I smile at the doctor or thank the nurse or the front desk person say good morning to the security worker. Anything. I think, yeah, it's really cool. Now recognizing that these weekly visits, so had I not moved to California, had we not had found out about hemochromatosis, had we not then had me have all these appointments and now get my blood work once a week and now have these treatment plans, realizing they had a purpose all along. And I didn't know what that purpose was when I was diagnosed with hemochromatosis, I was not happy about it, but I had no idea my hemochromatosis would heal my trauma of the hospital.

(15:40):

I actually thought it was going to make it worse, I thought, and it did in the beginning it did, and it was not good in the beginning, but there was a flip switch moment that I realized maybe all along it had been slowly healing me. And yeah, I think the shift from resistance to acceptance from avoidance and to seeing these visits as a form of restoration, I think is now cool for me to say. I feel like it's not, I don't love using the word cool, but yeah, I think it's just special to look back and have this for full circle moment of being in a hospital praying for strangers, just as so many of you guys did when I made my first post about Colby being like, he's in my best friend's in brain surgery. This has been the worst night and day of my life. Please pray for miracle. Please pray for my husband. And I quoted the waymaker lyrics in that, and it says, even when you don't see it, he's working.

(16:53):

And I mean, it's so true. Like I said, I never thought that being diagnosed with a blood disorder would heal my hospital trauma, but it definitely has. And I know that this episode can be hard for those to hear that are in the thick of struggles right now. Or for those that don't have a faith, I will never push that on people because I know in moments of struggle and that when you are pushed onto faith, it can kind of turn a lot of people off. So I really try and be mindful of that. But it is kind of cool how all the collective prayers and supports back then have now led me here today, which then those are just the power of prayer that I'm now praying for strangers in a place that I can be in the hospital once a week and then a clinic to just meet people and talk to people around me who are struggling or just provide random acts of kindness that I wish maybe were done.

(18:09):

For me. I think it was a little different. It was covid, but so many of you virtually did that, and it's my way of giving back because your prayers gave to me and got me here today. So yeah, I just want to encourage all listeners who are grieving to allow themselves to feel pain and don't think you're going to be healed right away. Because I mean, I'm still five years out coming up and I'm definitely not healed, and I know I never will be healed, but sometimes what feels like the hardest moments might be leading us somewhere we never expected.

(18:50):

And you won't see it in the moment, but down the road you will see that this is the moment you were created for. So yeah, I just want to thank you guys all again. You didn't have to pray for me back in April of 2020, but you did. And it's those prayers that have gotten me here almost five years later. So thank you. I feel like you guys deserve the credit and don't get enough of it as Instagram followers or as TikTok followers or as podcast followers, you, your messages, your comments when you review the podcast or leave a review on the podcast when you leave a, it actually means so much. And I feel like you're helping me carry on my story, which then full circle, hopefully help others to inspire and be vulnerable and carry on their stories too. So you guys really are the MVPs. You deserve all the credit.

(20:07):

Thank you. Short little episode today, but kind of just wanted to talk a little bit more about that post. And yeah, I look forward to more fun, uplifting episodes on you or more. We have some fun guests coming up. But yeah, I definitely wanted to address that one post because it seemed to have hit home for a lot of people. So thank you again and have a great week. Remember to be somebody that makes everybody feel like a somebody, because you guys did that for me and you guys stepped up and carried me through. So thank you and enjoy your week.