113 | Finding Safety in Your Body: Robyn Parets on Healing through Nervous System Regulation

For more than 20 years, Robyn Parets lived with chronic illness, anxiety, and a body that always seemed to be fighting something. She saw countless practitioners, tried everything she could find, and kept pushing through — the way high-achieving women do. What she did not understand was that underneath every diagnosis, every symptom, and every exhausting flare was a nervous system that had simply lost its way home.

It was not until she discovered nervous system regulation and somatic breathwork that everything began to shift. Her body remembered what safety felt like. And from that place of safety, real healing became possible.

In this installment of the Return to Her series, Gabriella sits down with Robyn Parets, yoga teacher, breathwork facilitator, and nervous system coach, for one of the most personal and practically rich conversations in this series. Robyn shares what 20-plus years of survival mode actually felt like in her body, the moment on the floor after a treadmill collapse that changed everything, and the two things that finally moved the needle after decades of searching. She also guides listeners through a simple breathwork practice they can begin using today.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Robyn Parets is a yoga teacher, somatic breathwork facilitator, and nervous system coach who helps others find their way back to safety, regulation, and aliveness after years of chronic stress, illness, and dysregulation. After more than two decades navigating chronic illness including POTS, Lyme disease, SIBO, and mold toxicity, Robyn found her healing through brain retraining and somatic breathwork and now guides others through the same journey. She and Gabriella met at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York, during an intensive nervous system training. 

Highlights from our discussion include:

• What 20 years of living above the window of regulation actually felt like in Robyn's body and how she finally recognized it as survival mode
• The treadmill moment that became her turning point and why she knew on the floor that she was the only one who could heal herself
• How brain retraining works and why repetition is the key to creating new patterns in the brain and nervous system
• Why feeling safe in the body is not just an emotional experience but a physiological prerequisite for healing
• The physiological sigh, a simple two-breath practice that tones the vagus nerve and helps bring the nervous system back to safety in minutes
• What life looks and feels like on the other side — from black and white to technicolor 

When Gabriella asked Robyn what she would say to the version of herself who was still searching for answers and still pushing through, her answer was short and completely whole.

You are brave. And you can do hard things. And the power exists within you to make the changes you need.

That is the heart of this series. And it is the heart of this conversation.

If this episode resonated, subscribe to Pleasure in the Pause and share it with a woman in your life who has been white-knuckling her way through something she cannot quite name. And if you want to go deeper into nervous system work, Robyn's details are in the show notes below.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH ROBYN PARETS:

New England Breathwork Website

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Robyn's Instagram

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LinkedIn

Work with Gabriella! 

Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Transcript

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Introduction and the Return to Her series

Gabriella Espinosa 0:27

Welcome to Pleasure in the Pause, a podcast dedicated to empowering midlife women to connect with their bodies, pleasure, and power in Perimenopause, Menopause, and beyond. I am your host, Gabriela Espinosa. Each week I sit down with leading medical experts, thought leaders, and trailblazers for bold, thought-provoking conversations that educate, inspire, and challenge the myths we've been taught about our bodies, aging, and sexuality. I also share solo episodes with evidence-based insights and real talk to help you feel informed, supported, and in charge of your health and pleasure in this season of life. Because your pleasure matters in and out of the bedroom. So take a deep breath, settle into your body, and let's begin. Hello, beautiful listeners. Welcome back to Pleasure in the Pause. Today I'm sharing another intimate installment of Return to Her, a series where I sit down with women I admire to explore what it means to come home to themselves in this season of life. A few months ago, I had the pleasure of meeting today's guest, Robin Perretz at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York. We were both immersed in an intensive training on the nervous system, spending our days learning, practicing, and having the kinds of conversations that stay with you long after the training ends. As we got to know each other, Robin shared pieces of her story with me, and I was immediately captivated. For more than 20 years, Robin lived with chronic illness, anxiety, and a body that always seemed to be fighting something. She searched for answers, saw countless practitioners, and tried just about everything, yet something still felt off. What she understands now and what she so beautifully shares in this conversation is that underneath all of those diagnoses was a nervous system that had simply lost its way home. It wasn't until she discovered nervous system regulation and somatic breathwork that everything began to shift. Her body remembered what safety felt like and healing became possible. Today, Robin is a yoga teacher, breath work facilitator, and nervous system coach whose own healing journey now inspires and guides the work she does with others. In this conversation, we explore what it's really like to face chronic illness, live in survival mode, and find your way back home through healing. Robin shares how learning to regulate her nervous system transforms not only her health, but also the way she understands safety, resilience, and the incredible capacity of our bodies to heal. I hope you'll enjoy this inspiring conversation with Robin Parrotts.

Robyn's story — 20 years of chronic illness and searching for answers

Gabriella Espinosa 3:28

Robin, welcome to Pleasure in the Pause. I'm so happy you're here. And I'm so happy to be here.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

Thank you so much for having me on your show.

Gabriella Espinosa 3:37

Yeah, we met not too long ago at the Omega Institute in beautiful Rhinebeck, New York. We were both immersed in the science of the nervous system together. And I remember being immediately drawn to your story. What struck me most was that you've spent decades teaching yoga, mindfulness, breath work, and helping other people reconnect with themselves. And yet your own healing journey was long, complicated, and deeply personal. You navigated years of chronic illness, searching for answers, trying different approaches, and ultimately finding your way back to yourself through nervous system regulation, breath work, and learning what it meant to truly feel safe in your body again. And that's exactly why I wanted to invite you onto this series, Return to Her, because at its heart, it's all about the moments in our lives that open us up, challenge us, and ultimately bring us home to ourselves. So I'd love to start here. Every woman I bring onto the series has a moment where life begins asking something different of her. When you look back on your own story, where do you think that moment began? Well, my story's long.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

So there were several small moments, I would say, along the way. My illness started in 1999. It got better for a while. I was functioning at what I would call 75-80%, which was good enough to get me through the day, but not really where I wanted to be energy-wise and health-wise. In 2021, I got sick again during the COVID lockdowns. I was diagnosed with several different illnesses, including Lyme, SIBO, which is small intestinal bacterial overgrowth. It's a digestive issue. I had POTS reignited, which was my first illness back in 1999. That's postoral orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. And I found out I was living in mold and had mold toxicity. So I was very sick. I had just tried to go on my Peloton tread, not a smart move when you were feeling so low energy and sick. But in my own mind, it was like I needed to do something. Maybe I would feel better. So I remember being in this class where the Peppy instructor shouts out at you, and rah-rah gets you to go a little faster up the make-believe hill. And I remember the room started spinning. And that was when I knew, okay, something's really wrong. I need to get off the treadmill. So it was like a metaphorical moment that I needed to get off the treadmill, but this was really my aha

The treadmill moment and what it finally revealed

SPEAKER_02 6:51

moment. I lay on the floor, the room wouldn't stop spinning. I remember calling to my husband, who was working from home in the room next door, thank goodness, and saying, I can't get up. My heart rate is so high, it won't come down. I'm scared. And from that moment, I knew I was the only one that was going to heal myself. Something needed to give. There was something running underneath the current, so to speak, of all of these physical illnesses. And that was my emotional state and my nervous system state. I needed to look deeper.

Gabriella Espinosa 7:28

Thank you so much for sharing your story. And as I hear you speak, I love that metaphor of the treadmill, right? Which is survival mode. You shared with me that you spent years living in survival mode without fully realizing it. And for someone listening who may be in it right now, what did survival mode actually feel like in your body? Can you talk us through that?

SPEAKER_02 7:54

It took me a very long time to connect the dots and recognize that I was living in the survival mode because your body and your brain has a great way of telling you a story. And then you buy into that story. So my story was: this is just me. This is how I'm supposed to be. I've been a type A my whole life. I've always been the one to get things done and get through it and just keep pushing through it. I really felt that was just my personality and who I was. And it wasn't until much later that I recognized: sure, a little bit of it might be personality trait, but most of it is that my nervous system was running constantly in this hyper sort of mode all the time. And it was doing that to keep me safe from really going a little bit deeper into what was really going on behind the scenes. And that was I just didn't feel safe in my body. Much of it did start or get worse, I should say, in 1999. So at that point, I was a journalist. I was on an assignment when I got really sick in 1999 and I had a similar collapse to the treadmill while I was on a riverboat in China. At that time, I was a young mother, two young kids. I didn't want to take time off work. I felt that would set me back in my career. And so I just kept going and going. And eventually my body couldn't keep up with that pace anymore. And I really feel

What survival mode actually felt like in her body

SPEAKER_02 9:27

that led to my illness. It led to my collapse. POTS is a disorder of the autonomic nervous system. So it all makes sense now that it was all tied into my nervous system back then and then again now. And it wasn't until I really did something about it, which was recently over the last three or four years. And now that I'm back to safety, I don't feel any of those undercurrents of having to keep up, having to do it all. All of that has vanished, which is pretty amazing to think about it.

Gabriella Espinosa 10:01

Yeah, I know a lot of women listening can probably hear themselves in your story. I certainly do. I recently recorded a solo episode about my own story of being in survival mode. And the narrative that I had running in my head was this is the way that you're going to move you, your business, your family forward. It's really the only way, Gabriella. And I saw the benefits of it. I was seeing the benefits of being in survival mode. My business was thriving, my kids were doing well. For me, it went much deeper than that. It was about moving my family forward because, based on my own family history, I didn't want to repeat some of the mistakes that, say, my parents made growing up as immigrants to this country. So you're talking about the brain-body connection and the stories that your mind was telling you as you were in this survival mode. Can you kind of tease that out a little bit for our listeners? Because sometimes I think just the recognition of, ah, yeah, there's nothing really wrong with me. It's just this story that I have. And how do we interrupt that story?

SPEAKER_02 11:22

There are a lot of ways to interrupt the story that was part of my journey

How the brain tells us a story and we believe it

SPEAKER_02 11:27

out of this stuck state was learning how to create new patterns in my brain. And that takes repetition. And sometimes you don't even know the story. And you don't have to know the story because your brain and body feel that you're still in that story. And so learning how to pull this apart so that you have an understanding and awareness of that going on in your body is part one. And there are lots of different ways to do that. I did it through an intense brain retraining program that I did online. I did it myself. Sometimes I can't even believe that I did it myself because it was one hour a day, because the repetition is key. It's like going to the gym. You can't go once and expect to build bicep muscles. You have to go repeatedly to make that change. So that's what I did with my brain. I did specific exercises to interrupt patterns in my brain. I had to actually take myself back through memories, conjure up these memories in my mind, and then do specific exercises to stop that memory and then bring in a new memory of something positive, something happy, so that I could show my brain back to joy, safety, love, all those things that we want more of in our life. But if we're stuck in those old patterns, even if they happen when you were six years old and you think you're over it, it's still stored in your brain, in your nervous system. So you're unable to move forward until you understand that track is still running in your brain. I don't know how much sense this makes. I don't want to go into so much of the science behind it, but there are these brain retraining programs out there. And I'm really lucky that when I went to my doctor after that treadmill collapse, couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, which was the story pretty much of my life. Maybe it's this chronic condition, maybe it's that, but we don't know why your heart rate is elevated and not coming down. And she wrote down on a slip of paper, try this brain retraining. I think it would help you. A few of my other female patients have tried it when nothing else worked. And that was really my start. I owe her a lot for not knowing anything about this, but telling me she heard some success stories and that I should go down this route.

Brain retraining and why repetition is the key

SPEAKER_02 14:01

And that's what I did. I would say that was a first step in helping me. And once I started seeing changes, I could sit on the couch with my dog and an ambulance could go by and I wouldn't jump anymore. I started to notice things changing in my body because I would always brace as if something was going to attack me. That's what I felt like inside my body. Again, I thought this was just the way I operated in the world. But the reality is my nervous system was trying to keep me safe at all costs. So I would brace, loud noises would bother me, bright lights would bother me, and none of that bothers me anymore. I changed my set point by bringing myself back to safety through this brain retraining work as well as the nervous system regulation, which came in after that.

Gabriella Espinosa 14:54

That makes so much sense. And when you told the story about the doctor giving you that prescription, I just got chills because so often I hear stories about we're giving prescriptions that don't actually work, that involve medications, that send you down a different kind of spiral of discomfort and not feeling well. But this doctor was able to think outside the box and say, here, take this prescription. It might work. I've heard it worked, and it set you down your healing journey. So that is such an incredible support that doctor gave you. I love that story. You share that you navigated years of health challenges, diagnoses, and searching for answers. What was the hardest part of that journey for you?

SPEAKER_02 15:46

I think the hardest part was years ago. I've had a few businesses over the years, but at the time I got sick, I was a journalist and I had to leave that career because I was so unwell. I couldn't commit to taking on these assignments with deadlines. Of course, what I know now is those deadlines that bring you into this kind of anxious state, you're on deadline, you got to get it done, all of that was only feeding into my dysregulated nervous system and making it worse. But not for that reason. I just stepped away from that career because I really had no choice. I was bedridden. As I started to slowly get better, not through nervous system work, just by rest, honestly, I started doing some yoga and some breathing exercises, more to just help me feel better, but not really knowing why it was making me feel better. I didn't know the why yet. But that led me down a new path. I eventually became a yoga teacher, opened a yoga studio, and was doing all that while raising kids. And that to me was the most challenging part. I had to keep a business going. I got into yoga to help myself, but it turned into a business for me that became a very stressful business because a yoga studio can feel like a 24-hour business. It's really a seven-day-a-week business, but into the evenings and weekends because I was running workshops and classes all the time while I had two young kids at home. And just trying to navigate it all when I didn't know day to day how I would be feeling. So it was always, who knew? I'd wake up and I'd either have a decent amount of energy that day, or I'd wake up and I'd be right back in bed. So that was really challenging for me. And I didn't really have any of the knowledge I have now about the inner workings of the nervous system and the brain. So I wasn't really in a position, even though I was doing some of the somatic work where I could put the pieces together. And that for me was really challenging, having to show up as a person that was going to help people in terms of their own wellness, but yet I was falling apart on the inside.

Gabriella Espinosa 18:05

You said that you reached the point where you realized that you were the only person who could heal yourself. What shifted for you in that moment? You've talked about the brain retraining, but what was it in that moment that made you get up off the floor and said, Okay, I've got to do something about this?

SPEAKER_02 18:25

Yeah, so I knew certain things. I could do certain things and I would feel better in those moments. So that much I knew from my years of teaching yoga and breathing practices and meditation. For example, even while I was like depleted and my heart rate was erratic, if I just lay on the floor and just do some slow breathing practices, I would feel better in that moment. If I would do gentle yoga, at the time I couldn't do anything like power or vinyasa, but I could do gentle yoga. My mind was focused on just the poses and the breathing, I felt better. As my heart rate got more regulated, I could go for a walk outside. And just my feet hitting the ground, I would feel better. So the combination of getting really sick again, but yet deep down, knowing

The window of regulation explained

SPEAKER_02 19:27

that I had tools where in the moment I could feel better. And then I started doing the brain retraining, and everything just like a big jigsaw puzzle kind of came together. That I could have a big hand in helping myself heal because my body had been feeling so unsafe for so many years. And that dysregulates your immune system. So it's very intricately connected. I recognized that until my body felt safe, I probably was not going to heal completely ever. But yet, if I could bring my body back to a place of safety, my immune system would calm down enough that together my nervous system and my immune system could come back online. And that's exactly what happened for me. I just recognized that I held the key to my own healing. I also recognized it wasn't going to be easy, that it wasn't a quick fix. So I dedicated the next three years to my own healing journey. And here I am. I'm 100% healed. So it works, but you got to put in the work.

Gabriella Espinosa 20:36

Yeah, and it sounds like you really took time to pause and be aware of your body, develop that body awareness, apply the tools that you already had, and take it step by step and just notice how your body responded to them. And as you said, it took time. And so it was that process of building the muscle to your healing because you were applying those tools and you were noticing in real time how your body was responding, but you had to keep putting them on repetition. And you talk a lot about feeling safe. You've mentioned it a few times. When we talk about feeling safe in the body, we're talking about a nervous system state. I'd love to break that down for our audience. How did learning about your nervous system change the way you understood your symptoms, your body, and your healing journey?

SPEAKER_02 21:36

Yeah, there's a lot of different ways to kind of language this. You did a great job in your podcast, so I'll play off of that. But there's something called the window of regulation. And when you're in that window and you have the capacity to make it bigger, you're spending more time in a state where your body feels calm and regulated, but in a good way, not like you need to go to sleep or take a nap in the middle of the day. It's just this calm, even, regulated state where you want to be around other people. You want that social engagement. And it just feels good to be living in this space. You're not jumpy, you're not agitated. So that's ideally where we want to be. But for me, I was living a Above that window for my entire adult life and probably into my teenage years too, now that I think about it, where I was agitated, anxious, stressed out, jumpy. It's called hyper-arousal. And that's pretty much where I lived. I couldn't find my way back to the window. I didn't know that there was a way back into that window of regulation. Below the window is the opposite. You're hypo-aroused, you're depressed, you're lethargic, you're disassociated. You don't want to be around people. You just want to stay in your room, shut the lights, close the door. So that state is also not where you want to be. You want to be right in that window. And I felt like I was living really above the window and hyper-arousal all the time. But sometimes I would get so burnt out. My body would just be so tired from just living in this hyper state all the time. And it affected my physical body too. My heart rate was high, my muscles were tense. It does filter down into your physical body that sometimes I would get the crash and I would skip the window of regulation entirely and just end up right below it, crashed out so fatigued, I couldn't get out of bed for days. So I spent, I'd say, 75% of it above the window, 20% of it below the window. And if I was lucky, I had a few good days in between where I'd feel good, but they were few and far between. And once I recognized how I felt, how the physical symptoms connected to the emotional state that I have been living in, then I knew that I could work to change things, to make changes in my body. Because learning about nervous system regulation and becoming aware are the first things you need to do. Because once you're aware of how you feel and where your body is, you can map your own nervous system. And then you can adapt tools and practices to bring you back into a place of safety. And until you really feel it, it's hard to describe, honestly. I can throw all the language out in the world, but until you feel safe in your body, you don't really understand and know that feeling and that

What it feels like to finally live inside the window

SPEAKER_02 24:45

sensation. I didn't, but now I do. And so it's like, wow, really? This is what it feels like to live. I tell some of my students and clients, because I work with others now to help them. They'll ask me what it feels like now compared to when I was sick and chronically dysregulated. And I said, I feel like I can see in technicolor compared to black and white. I feel like I was just seeing the world in black and white and shades for so long, but now everything's popping. Light, color. It just feels good to be in the world.

Gabriella Espinosa 25:23

Oh, that's so beautiful. That sense of aliveness and feeling connected to the world around you and to yourself, I imagine.

SPEAKER_02 25:33

Yes, for sure.

Gabriella Espinosa 25:34

You explained the window of regulation so well. And you're right. I did an episode about it, but I don't think we can talk about it enough, Robin. I want to keep talking about it until everyone really embraces it as a core understanding of how their mind and body work. It doesn't mean that you're broken. It doesn't mean that's just the way you are, right? That story. I'm like, that's just the way I am, right? And it doesn't mean that you always have to be in that chronically stressed going, doing survival mode all the time. And I feel like so many of the women I talk to, they feel that's necessary. That's part of being a woman. That's part of being an entrepreneur, that's part of being a mom. I believe that story too. I think part of it is cultural. I think part of it is living in a country where so much is being thrown at us, not only in terms of the news, but in terms of this message that in order to be a functioning, successful human in the world, you have to be productive. You have to get things done. And our nervous systems, our bodies, I think especially female bodies, aren't wired for that. So you have found your window, living in that technicolor state. I love that. You tried so many approaches. You told us the brain retraining, breath work. You talked about nervous system regulation work of everything you explored, what actually moved the needle in your healing?

SPEAKER_02 27:17

There were two things that moved the needle for me. A deep understanding and awareness that I have been living above the window, and

The two things that actually moved the needle

SPEAKER_02 27:27

that you can come back to that kind of sweet spot pocket in the window. I never knew I had any options because I didn't know it existed. So that was huge for me. So I had already done the brain retraining. And then I went into a deep dive on the nervous system and how to regulate my own nervous system. And there's many different tools for it. Once you know where you lie on that window, you can start to customize tools for yourself. So that's what I did. And for me, everybody's different, and there are lots of different tools out there. But the key is to find what works for you, what really shifts the needle, what brings you back to safety, how you feel in your own body after practicing these tools. For me, it was breath work that was the key to my healing. Once I discovered that was going to really move the needle for me, I just went all into that, especially somatic breath work, which was a much more intense, deeper practice of breath work than I had practiced previously or taught through my yoga journey.

Gabriella Espinosa 28:41

So nervous system regulation is kind of the theoretical framework for understanding how your mind-body works. And then there are all these practices. There's practices within nervous system regulations, there's practices like breath work, there's practices like yoga. So for the woman listening who recognizes herself in this conversation, she's overwhelmed, anxious, exhausted, or constantly stuck in go mode. What's one simple nervous system practice she can begin using today to help her come back into regulation? Do you mind sharing?

SPEAKER_02 29:20

I love this. For me, breath work was the key. And there's many different breathing practices and tools

The physiological sigh — a guided breathwork practice

SPEAKER_02 29:27

that you can customize to your nervous system state. So it's obviously going to be different for a woman living in this state of hyper-arousal, a more anxious state than if you're fatigued, disassociated. If you're in that state below the window, you want something that's going to give you a little energy. For me, I was spending most of my time above the window. And I think that's where most midlife women spend a lot of their time being high achievers, stressed out, running the track of their mind over and over that to-do list. So for that woman, which was me, I love something called the physiological psi. It helps tone the vagal nerve, which sends signals from your gut and all the organs coming up to your brain. And that brain-body communication has got to be turned on. I recognize through this nervous system work I was doing that my vagus nerve had been pretty much non-functioning in terms of a communication highway for many years. So my brain wasn't getting the memo that my body wasn't in a trauma loop from 20 years ago. It still thought I was there because my vagus nerve was completely offline. So this particular breathing practice, the physiological psi, does help tone the vagus nerve. And it also helps bring you back to a place of safety in your body, which is called the parasympathetic side of the nerve, part of the nervous system. So it's two breaths in through the nose. So it's a deep breath in through your nose, filling up your whole abdominal cavity, all the lower and upper lungs. And then you're gonna sit, it's almost like you're sipping in a second breath in through your nose. So you're taking in a deep breath in, and then on that same breath, round, sipping in another short breath, and then exhaling deeply with a sigh. So it's an audible sound, which that vibration also helps kind of tone your vagal nerve.

SPEAKER_01 31:41

So it's gonna look like this.

SPEAKER_02 31:48

I like to close my eyes, and if you want, we can try it just three times and you can tune in and see how you feel. Another kind of added step to this is you can take one hand to your heart and one hand to your low belly, and that way that gives you some gentle feedback, brings you back into your body that way as well. So that can be regulating and help you feel safe in your own body as you're breathing. So we can do it together if you close your eyes. You're gonna take a deep breath in through your nose, short, quick breath in through your nose, long breath out through your mouth with a sigh. We'll do that two more times.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

Inhale deep, short inhale, exhale. And one more time. And then exhale.

SPEAKER_02 32:49

And then just stay here for a moment with your hands on your heart and your belly, and just feel into your body if your feet can touch down on the ground, touch your feet into the floor, give it a little press.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

And just notice how you feel. And then you can remove your hands and slowly open your eyes and come back to the space. How did that feel, Gabriella?

Gabriella Espinosa 33:18

Yeah, I did feel a little bit of activation. I feel a little bit more awake. I felt my heart beating a little bit more quickly at the top of that breath. But I think that sigh balanced it out. So I didn't stay in that, like, oh yeah. My heart rate did pick up a little bit. And then the sigh helped it back into its normal rhythm. And so, yeah, I'm feeling more alert, but also just feeling more grounded at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 33:53

Yeah, it also helps really teach your body that you can bring yourself back to safety. So, like you said, you felt a little alertness through the breaths in, and then you sigh it out, and it's like, ah, it's almost like you're just letting go. So you can kind of come up and then you can come back down. So, repetition of this breathing technique for me was really helpful. And I know it is for a lot of my clients as well. Like everything, you can feel a shift once you do it one time, but the longer shift, the longer lasting shift is going to come through repetition. So when I work with people, I would say, do this every day for five minutes. You can do anything for five minutes, right? But throwing too much at people, they're not gonna do it. So five minutes, the physiological side, you can do it in the grocery store if you want or wherever on your walk before you go to bed.

Gabriella Espinosa 35:00

And this is good if you're feeling in that hyper-aroused state.

SPEAKER_02 35:03

Yeah, it could actually work either way for bringing your body back to safety, whether you're above the window or below. But I think it tends to work better as a more of a regulating, calming tool if you're above.

Gabriella Espinosa 35:19

Thank you so much for sharing that with us. I'll definitely be doing that every day. Robin, one thing that really stayed with

What feeling safe in the body looks like now

Gabriella Espinosa 35:27

me after hearing your story was when you describe coming home to yourself as finally feeling safe in your body. That's such a powerful statement. What does feeling safe in your body feel like now? Can you tell us more about that? You've talked about the technicolor, which is beautiful. Talk to us more about that.

SPEAKER_02 35:49

I feel more even in how I approach situations and less reactive and more responsive. I feel like my ability to take in information and listen without immediately jumping in to fix it or state my opinion, even when it's unwarranted, that doesn't really happen anymore for me, which is as important to me as actually noticing what's going on in my body. It's like I'm noticing what's changed in my whole mindset. I used to really get reactive in situations. Again, I thought that was my personality, but it was just my body just bracing all the time. And now that has completely gone away. Someone can tell me something that might be troubling, or they might want me to just listen in their life, and I could just take a step back, take it all in, and then come at my response at a place of just really feeling grounded and connected into my body and into how I'm going to respond. And so that's been very different for me. It's almost like, who am I? Because it's new, it feels so new to me. So that's one change I've noticed. And the other is that I really want to put myself out there in social situations, in work networking situations. I would avoid this. I can't even tell you. People would invite me out to a party or a gathering, and I just would not go. Sometimes it was because I wasn't feeling good. So there was a real bona fide reason. But other times it was just too much for me. The stimulation, not knowing what to say, feeling uncomfortable in my own body, like I wanted to run for the door. But now I'm finding that I'm actually putting myself in those situations. I want to be in those situations. I don't fear those situations anymore. And in terms of my body, I feel like there's been a big shift. Fear was my go-to feeling, like that nauseous, afraid feeling all the time. And again, I thought it was just, I just have nerves or I this or that. But that's gone away completely. So I recognize that was a nervous system response and not my go-to at all. My go-to is to be socially engaged with people, to feed off other people's energy. I love that. But I didn't know I loved that for about 20 years.

Gabriella Espinosa 38:51

And what was underneath that fear? You talk about fear and it running your nervous system during our conversations at Omega. What was that fear telling you?

SPEAKER_02 39:03

So part of that fear was fear of illness that had become so deeply embedded that the first time when I got really sick in 1999, I was on a riverboat in the cafeteria around a lot of people. So that predictive pattern was in my brain that when I'm around people I don't know, when I'm in situations where there's lots of people, I could get sick and there will be nobody around to help me. So that was a constant fear and a predictive pattern that I think became a go-to in my body every time I went into a social situation. What if I land on the floor? What if no one is here to help me? But that was a false narrative because that was then and this is now. And I didn't understand that had become so deeply embedded in my being that I couldn't get out of it. So that was one thing. And another thing was just always having to be the one that just got things done to provide that sense of security for my family. And I think that comes from when I was a kid, honestly, and always trying to seek approval from my father. So there's lots of deeply embedded patterns. My mom was a single mom for a while when my

The patterns underneath the fear

SPEAKER_02 40:27

dad and her divorced when I was six. So I had those patterns of survival running in me. And then I found myself in the same situation with two young kids through my divorce where I had to support my family. I had to be the one that was there. My business could not fail. So all of that was deeply rooted in me. And the sense of I had to do it on my own. That was such an embedded predictive pattern in my brain. So every time I went out, it was taking my eye off the ball of what I should be doing to, I should just be focusing on my business. I shouldn't have fun. Those patterns were also running.

Gabriella Espinosa 41:13

It seems like this journey that you've been on has given you permission and the courage to welcome your whole self into your journey and to really focus on yourself and put yourself at the top of the priority list. I've heard that story so many times from so many women. I don't know if it's our generation X, that we felt like we had to do it all on our own, right? I think we were living in that narrative of you can do anything, you can be anything, but figure it out, figure it out on your own. And so we didn't know how to ask for help. And so you finally gave yourself permission. And you even you even told yourself, I'm the only one that can heal myself. That's true, right? But you gave yourself permission to seek the support. You took that prescription from the doctor and went on that brain retraining. You did a somatic breath work exploration and training. You dove deep into the nervous system, you sought out the support and the tools to help you heal. You didn't do that on your own. Yes, you were instrumental in making that happen, but you had a lot of support from some incredible healers and practitioners, as well as these incredible tools.

SPEAKER_02 42:38

Yeah. I think more importantly, to that note with the healing yourself support and how that comes together is seeking support is wonderful, but recognizing that nobody else is going to fix you. Like if there's that deep nervous system work that has to come from within you. At the same time, being able to pull support from others along your journey is so critical. That co-regulation with others is so important, but they go hand in hand. You need to be able to access what's inside yourself. I had no access to that for so many years. So it didn't matter how many people were trying to help me until I recognized that I needed to help myself,

You are brave and you can do hard things

SPEAKER_02 43:28

those two could connect. That support could connect in with that inner desire to heal myself and not expect that somebody else is gonna do it for me or give me a pill and fix me. That wasn't gonna be my path.

Gabriella Espinosa 43:44

And that takes so much courage. And you stepped into that. That's why I wanted you to share your story. And I hope that your story shows women who are listening that they have everything they need within them to walk this path of healing. And yes, you can turn to others for guidance to walk alongside you on the path of healing, but ultimately you have all the knowledge, wisdom, and tools to heal yourself. And you are the one that can do that for yourself. So thank you so much for that message. If you could sit across from the version of yourself who was still searching for answers, still pushing through, still trying to figure it out, what would you want her to know?

SPEAKER_02 44:33

You are brave and you can do hard things. And the power exists within you to make the changes that you need in your health, in your life, to bring color into your life.

Gabriella Espinosa 44:47

And finally, after everything you've been through, after all the healing and all the lessons along the way, when you hear the phrase return to her, who is she?

SPEAKER_02 44:59

She's me. She's you. She's whoever you are inside and whoever you want to become.

Gabriella Espinosa 45:07

That's so beautiful. Thank you so much for that, Robin. It's been such a pleasure speaking to you, hearing your story. And I hope our paths continue to cross as we collaborate in this incredible work of bringing the nervous system to our communities. I know you're committed and dedicated to that. I am too. It is, I feel, such an essential piece of the puzzle and becoming whole and returning to ourselves. So thank you so much for sharing your story and for the incredible work that you're doing to help others find their way back to themselves.

SPEAKER_02 45:48

Thank you, Gabriella, for having me. It's been a pleasure.

Gabriella Espinosa 45:52

Thank you for joining me for this episode of Pleasure in the Pause. Want to help me spread more pleasure in the world? Please hit subscribe to the podcast and share this episode with a friend, a sister, or any woman you care about. Because when we share these conversations, we remind each other we are not alone. Together, we create ripples of empowerment and support that reach far beyond ourselves. Your support means the world to me. Thank you. Remember, your pleasure matters. The information shared on this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only, and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or pleasure in the pause.