How Can We Embrace Our Bodies After Motherhood?

In this episode of MomDoc Talk, hosted by Kristen Cook, Kristen delves into the complexities of body image, particularly for women. The discussion highlights the impact of societal standards on self-perception and the historical shifts in beauty ideals. Emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance, Kristen encourages mothers to embrace the physical changes from pregnancy, referring to them as "mom badges." She stresses the need to challenge negative thoughts and reclaim personal narratives around beauty and self-worth. The episode concludes with empowering listeners to celebrate their bodies and foster a healthier relationship with themselves.

• Body image perceptions among women
• Societal standards of beauty and their historical evolution
• Impact of societal conditioning on self-image
• Importance of self-acceptance and kindness towards one's body
• Changes in body during and after pregnancy
• Concept of "mom badges" as symbols of strength and love
• The disconnect between personal self-perception and societal ideals
• Strategies for challenging negative thoughts about body image
• The process of reframing negative self-talk into positive affirmations
• Empowerment through embracing personal narratives around beauty and motherhood

The information in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitution for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider for medical issues. All the opinions are of Dr. Kristen Cook and do not reflect the opinions of her employer nor the hospitals she is affiliated with. The authors and publishers of this podcast do not assume any responsibility for errors, omissions, or consequences of using the information provided.

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Transcript

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This episode is all about body image, which involves the thoughts and feelings that we have about our bodies. Body image includes how we see ourselves, what we think about our physical attributes, and how we feel within our own bodies. As women, we have been so conditioned by society to subscribe to a certain standard of beauty, and this influences our body image more than we realize. We are inundated with information that a certain body type is perceived as ideal. Based on this ideal, we are taught what we are supposed to look like, to feel and to be pretty. We learn that certain physical attributes are desired and others are not. All of this information causes us to create stories about our bodies and about the bodies of others. Most of these stories are not even our own. They have been imposed upon us by the world we live in. Ladies, I need you to understand that we are susceptible to Susceptible to disliking or even hating certain aspects about our bodies, because we have been conditioned by society to believe that those parts of ourselves are somehow wrong. We are allowing society to determine our thoughts and beliefs. It's time to take back our power and our autonomy. I want you to regain control of your thoughts and of your belief systems. It's time to stop judging your physical appearance based on some nebulous societal view of physical attractiveness. The idea of the perfect body type has changed dramatically over the course of history. The standard of beauty back in the 1920s was a flat chested, slender woman with her hair cut into a bop. Back then, women wore bras that actually minimized the size of their chest. This ideal body type was called a flapper. Let's fast forward to the 1980s. The ideal body type became a tall, thin, but not too thin woman with curves and toned arms. Think of Cindy Crawford and Claudia Schiffer. Yet only ten years later, the standard of beauty shifted dramatically once again. The ideal body type was suddenly a very thin and frail woman. In fact, this body type was described as heroin chic. Yes, in the 1990s, the societal standard of beauty encompassed a woman who looked like she was addicted to illegal drugs. Ladies, let me remind you that we have the power to ground ourselves in the facts in order to negate the stories. The point of this minor history lesson is that societal concepts of beauty change over time, and they aren't always healthy or desirable. I want you to challenge these societal beliefs. Ladies, you get to decide what is beautiful in your eyes. You absolutely do not need to agree with the current societal standard of beauty. Who exactly determined that a flat stomach is better than one that isn't? Or that large breasts are more desirable than small breasts? By challenging societal beliefs and by deciding what you choose to believe about your physical attributes, you can create a more positive body image. Pregnancy adds a whole new complexity to the concept of body image. Whenever I come across challenging subjects, I find it helpful to ground myself in the truth. Science doesn't lie. So let's start with some scientific truths. We need to talk about the changes that happen to a woman's body when she becomes pregnant. Mama. Every single organ system in the human body changes during pregnancy. This is a universal truth. Let me say that again in a slightly different way. Your entire body changed in order for you to create, grow, and birth your incredible child. And if you have multiple children, your body did this on numerous occasions. Please do not diminish the strength, durability, and adaptability of your body. Your body is incredible and it has always been that way. I know that you may not feel that way, so I'm going to get a little more specific about pregnancy related changes as your uterus increased in size. You may have experienced constipation, heartburn, or frequent urination, especially towards the end of pregnancy. You likely felt short of breath. You may have developed skin changes such as stretch marks or melasma or linea nigra. Your feet and ankles may have become painfully swollen. You may have experienced hot flashes, vulvar itching or leg cramps, and you certainly gained weight. By the way, did you know that the placenta acts as a temporary endocrine gland? It produces large amounts of estrogen and progesterone. That's incredible. After your child was born, you likely experience significant swelling, bleeding, and bloating. Your uterus was the size of a watermelon when you delivered your baby. Which means that you probably looked pregnant for a month or two after giving birth. As your uterus was shrinking down to its pre-pregnancy size, your hormones were all over the place. You were sleep deprived, and you may have struggled with the pressure to get your pre-baby body back. Here is another universal truth. You cannot go backwards. And why would you want to, mama? Your pre-baby body is gone and she is never coming back. Mourn for her if you need to, but at the same time, realize that your post-baby body can be even better yet, before we can feel better about ourselves and challenge the societal constructs of beauty. We need to acknowledge our own cruelty. Cruelty. I know what you are thinking. Isn't that a little harsh? Sadly, no, mama. The thoughts that you have about your post-baby body are usually cruel. I'm talking mean, hurtful, demeaning, and potentially soul crushing. And it doesn't matter if you had a baby two months ago or 20 years ago, bad body thoughts are likely to creep in and potentially wreak havoc on our lives. How do I know? Because I've been there. After my kids were born, as my breasts filled with milk, I thought, oh my God, my boobs are so huge and ugly. When my abdomen was swollen because my uterus was still recovering. I thought, yuck! I am so fat. When I was too tired to exercise, I would think I am so damn lazy. We say and we think things to ourselves that we would never dream of saying to another human being. The good news is that if we work hard, we can change that mentality. The first step is to accept all of the changes to our bodies that are directly related to pregnancy and childbirth. Before I discuss the process of acceptance, I'd like to give you an example. It's not uncommon for a woman to develop urinary incontinence after having a baby. The pressure of a growing baby and the process of childbirth can lead to a weakening of the muscles of the pelvic floor. That's a fancy explanation for what I call a mom bladder. I happen to have an exceptional mom bladder, meaning that every time I sneeze, cough, laugh, or jump, I risk peeing myself. It's actually become a joke in our family because when I am at risk for leakage, I squeeze my legs together tightly and grab my crotch. It looks ridiculous, but it often prevents me from having to clean up a mess. The first time I went to a trampoline park, I did not think to accommodate my mom bladder. She didn't even cross my mind. I was jumping around with my kids. Blissfully unaware of the leakage until I started to feel urine run down my leg. I ran to the bathroom and looked into a mirror. I had a giant wet spot in the front of my Burgundy colored leggings. I didn't even want to think about how many people were a witness to my mom bladder. I was horrified. I ended up shoving my crotch as close to the bathroom hand dryer as possible. I waved my hand back and forth in front of my pants in vain. Eventually, my leggings were dry and I was able to rejoin my family. I spent the rest of the day watching my family from the sidelines. I felt defeated. I felt like I had let my kids down. But during the car ride home, I had an epiphany. I would have never stepped foot into a trampoline park had it not been for my bum bladder. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all. I'd like to introduce you to the concept that I call a mom badge. A mom badge is any part of your body that did not exist before you created, grew, and birth a child? Examples include stretch marks, loose skin, the scar from a C-section, diocese's recti, a leaky bladder, and saggy boobs. Mom badges are often viewed as ugly or undesirable. I challenge you to flip the script. I want you to understand that your child would not exist unless your body developed. Mom. Badges. Those stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin are a sign of deep love for your children. Even if you did not anticipate the creation of those mom badges, their mere existence does not diminish the amount of love you have for those children. I challenge you to view your mom badges as physical representations of your strength and durability even more. I want you to view those mom badges with loving kindness and acceptance. That's not to say you have to flaunt them. You don't need to love your mom badges. In fact, you don't even need to like them. It's okay if you wish you didn't have them. Acceptance and dislike are not mutually exclusive. Think about it. You can accept the fact that you have to work and still dislike your job. You can accept the fact that you have to pay taxes and still not like it. You can accept the fact that your dog howls like a wolf from time to time, and still dislike the noise. Mama. You can accept something about yourself and still dislike it. For example, I am incredibly afraid of heights. It is so bad that standing on a certain type of staircase causes my heart to race and makes me feel lightheaded. I very much dislike my fear of heights, but it's just a part of who I am. If it bothered me enough, I could certainly seek out therapy to work on it. But in the grand scheme of my life, it is an annoyance and a minor inconvenience at most. I don't like having a fear of heights, but I accept it. Do you know what else? I don't like my armpit fat. In fact, I jokingly refer to that area of my body as chicken cutlets. But I don't berate myself for those chicken cutlets. I accept them and know that if I want to change them, I can. When it comes to your body, please understand your child would not exist unless your physical body adapted in a way that created those mom badges. Every time that you criticize yourself for having a mom badge, I want you to immediately close your eyes and imagine your child. What age are they? What do they look like? Are they happy? Once you have an image of your child in your mind's eye, I want you to ask yourself one question. Is the life of that child worth you carrying a mom badge for the rest of your life? The answer is yes, a million, trillion times yes. I accept that my breasts will never be perky again, but I don't have to like it. If it bothers me enough, I'll get a boob job. You can too. The concept of acceptance is not limited to your mom badges. In fact, it applies to every aspect of yourself. Everything that makes you the amazing person that you are. In this episode, I am focusing on physical attributes and body image, but please know that the process I am about to discuss can be extrapolated to all aspects of your life. Acceptance starts with awareness. You first need to become aware of the thoughts that you have about your body. Bring those thoughts into your conscious awareness. Next, you need to analyze those thoughts. Ask yourself a few questions. Is the thought actually true? Most of the negative thoughts that we have about ourselves are not. Is that thought uniquely mine, or has it been suggested to me by someone else or by society? Answering this question can be tricky, so please be patient with yourself. Does that thought serve me? Meaning? Does the thought align with my values? Does it make me feel good about myself or does it make me feel like crap? Finally, would I ever say that thought out loud and directed at my best friend? If the answer is no. That is a thought that needs to be worked on. You cannot decide that your best friend cellulite is just another part of her awesomeness, while simultaneously believing that your cellulite is gross. If it helps, write down the thoughts you have about your body as well as the answers to those questions. After you analyze the thought, it's time to replace it with a thought that is more realistic. Make sure to be fair if you become aware that you recurrently think I am so fat, it will not be helpful to replace that thought with I am a gorgeous goddess. That's too big of a jump and it will come across as inauthentic. Let's go through an example. The thought is I hate my thighs. They are so huge. Is that not true? Is that thought true? Of course not. The word huge means extremely large. Even professional bodybuilders do not have huge thighs. Is that thought mine? You know, quite honestly, I'm not sure. And that's okay. Does that thought serve me? Absolutely not. I pride myself on being kind, and that thought is very mean. Worse, that thought makes me feel bad about myself. Would I ever think that thought about my best friend? Of course not. In fact, I've never even thought about the size of my friend's legs. To me, the most challenging part of this exercise is creating a replacement thought that I actually believe. I love my thighs. Would not be true. Therefore, that replacement thought is not a good fit. My legs carry me through my life. My thighs are strong. That is a thought that resonates with me. It's true. And it serves me. I challenge you to take some time and acknowledge, analyze, and replace the thoughts that you have about your body that are not serving you. It's well worth the effort. Why? Because, mama, it's time to rewrite the narrative. The story society has told you about beauty are just that stories. You have the power to choose your own truth instead of tearing yourself down. I challenge you to build yourself up authentically. Acknowledge the incredible things your body has done and continues to do every single day. Do your best to speak to yourself with the kindness and respect that you deserve. And when those negative thoughts creep in, or remind yourself to acknowledge, analyze, and replace them with a thought that serves you. So stand tall, own your mom badges and move forward with confidence. Because mama, you are and have always been enough.