Navigating Santa's Magic for All Ages. Keeping the Holiday Spirit Alive

In this episode of MomDoc Talk, Kristen, a pediatrician and parenting expert, explores the emotional and practical challenges parents face during the Christmas season, especially when older children stop believing in Santa while younger siblings still do. She offers compassionate advice on handling children’s questions, involving older kids in preserving holiday magic, and coping with parental emotions during this transition. Kristen also emphasizes respecting families who don’t celebrate Christmas, navigating situations where the Santa myth is revealed, and fostering empathy, inclusivity, and strong family traditions throughout the holidays.

What you'll learn:

• Emotional and practical challenges parents face during the Christmas holiday season.
• Transitioning older children from believing in Santa Claus while younger siblings still do.
• Guidance on handling children's questions about Santa Claus.
• Involving older children in preserving the magic of Santa for younger siblings.
• Coping with parental feelings during this developmental milestone.
• Respecting families who do not celebrate Christmas and promoting inclusivity.
• Navigating situations where the magic of Santa is spoiled by others.
• The significance of teaching children about different winter holidays.
• Encouraging older children to take on roles that help maintain holiday traditions.
• Emphasizing empathy, respect, and connection within families during the holidays.

Podcast Disclaimer

The information presented in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitution for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider for medical concerns. All of the opinions are of Dr. Kristen Cook and do not reflect the opinions of her employer nor the hospitals she is affiliated with. The authors and publishers of this podcast do not assume any responsibility for errors, omissions, or consequences of using the information provided.

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Transcript

0:32

Welcome back to Mama Talk with Doctor Kristen Cook. My friends, I am so glad you are here. I am your host, a pediatrician, parenting expert, and a huge fan of the holiday season. To say that I go all out is an understatement. Our kitchen and family room are filled with hundreds of Christmas lights. I put Christmas window clings on the windows by fancy advent calendars for my kids, and do major research on the best white elephant presents to buy. Did you know that Sephora makes an advent calendar? I didn't until this year and my ten year old is absolutely loving it. Today I am diving into one of the most emotionally loaded aspects when it comes to navigating Christmas as a parent. And if you usually listen to this podcasts when littles are within earshot, I need you to change that approach. Little ears are not meant to hear what I am about to say. So take your time. Turn off this episode in the car and resume it when you have a few minutes to yourself. I want to acknowledge that not everyone celebrates Christmas. I feel that it is important to be inclusive. Winter holidays often share the same characteristics a focus on community, togetherness and gratitude. Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Body Day are all important winter holidays celebrated around the world. I encourage you to learn about these holidays and share that information with your children. Yet today's podcast is focused on Christmas. Whether your home is all in on twinkling lights in Santa's magic. Whether you're hesitant about holiday events or whether December feels like a complicated tangle of extended family Expectations. This episode is for you. Today, I'm talking about what to do when your older child no longer believes in Santa, but the younger siblings absolutely do. How to take care of your own heart during that emotional shift. How to collaborate with families who don't celebrate Christmas, and how to respectfully ask other adults not to spoil the magic of Santa for your younger kids. This is a big layered topic, and it's one that so many parents quietly struggle with. So let's breathe, be real, and let's walk through it together. Let's start with the moment that so many parents dread. Your child comes to you. Eyes serious and asks, Is Santa real? Before you get into your feelings, I want you to understand that this is a developmental milestone, one that signals critical thinking, social awareness and emotional growth. But as parents, this question also hits us right in the heart. To handle that moment with grace and connection, make sure to stay calm and curious. A great place to start is to ask your child what makes you wonder that, and then give your child the time and space to answer that question. This approach means that you are opening the door for them to share what they've heard, what they're thinking, and what they already suspect. Make sure to acknowledge their growing up moment. Kids often feel proud, nervous, or complicated. You might say it sounds like you're putting some pieces together. That's part of growing up, you may want to shift Santa from a person to a tradition. When children are ready to hear the truth, they're ready for the fuller story. Santa isn't one man flying around the world. Yet Santa is the spirit of the season. He represents generosity, surprise, and joy. He represents the spirit of the season, even if he is not real. Santa is an idea that we pass on. One that every adult helps keep alive for children. Once you explain, consider inviting them into the Magic Creator's Club. This is especially powerful when younger siblings are involved. You can tell your child now that you know you get to help create magic for your little brother or sister. If you want to help. It's a special job and I think you're ready for it. This reframes the moment. Instead of losing something magical there, gaining responsibility and privilege. And make sure to understand that not every child will ask, Is Santa real? It was Easter time when I realized that my son, Mason no longer believed in holiday focused characters. I was preparing the kids for Easter when Mason looked at me, winked, and said, The Easter Bunny? Yeah, mom. Right? Just like the tooth fairy. I simply told him, don't ruin the holidays for your sister. As a mom, I was devastated. My little boy once again demonstrated that he was growing up. I wasn't ready for this next stage. And if you are anything like me, you may be dreading a similar situation. parents. Let's talk about you for a minute, because I know when your child stops believing in Santa or any other imaginary holiday figure, it hits you in a way you didn't expect. It's normal to feel sad, nostalgic, or even a little in denial. Parenting is full of these tiny griefs. The last time they call you mommy. The last time they willingly climb into your lap. The moment they stop believing in magic the way they once did. If you feel the ache. Let me offer this. It doesn't mean that the magic is gone. It means that it's changing forms. You're not losing the wonder. You're passing the torch. That is so important that I'm going to say it again. When your child stops believing in Santa Claus. You are not losing the wonder of Christmas. You are passing the torch. You can include your child in future Christmas related activities, just in a different way. A few reminders as you process. Please remember that your child's new foreknowledge is developmentally appropriate and not a failure. Please know that your relationship with your child isn't losing closeness. It's gaining honesty and maturity. As a parent, you are allowed to feel sad and proud at the same time. You can still create magic just in a new way. And truly, one of the most meaningful parts of parenthood is watching your child start giving joy instead of just receiving it. Let yourself feel that shift. Then anchor yourself in what's ahead. Now let's dive into Sibling Dynamics. A child who no longer believes in Santa can become a force of destruction, or a partner in preserving the magic. Kids rise when they feel trusted. Try telling your child something to the effect of your sister is still little. She believes in Santa with her whole heart. I'd love to have your help keeping that magic alive for her. Will you be willing to be a part of that? This approach appeals to your child's growing sense of maturity. It gives them a role instead of a restriction. It builds family teamwork, and it prevents resentment. Finally, it sets gentle expectations. You can tell your child you don't have to pretend that Santa is a man literally living at the North Pole, but you do need to remember what it feels like to believe in the magic of Santa. Let's keep that feeling safe for your siblings. It may be helpful to give the older kids a behind the scenes job. You may want to consider putting your child in charge of moving the elf on a shelf every day, or at least a few times a week. You may want to ask your child their opinion about choosing a sibling stocking stuffer. You may want to ask if they are interested in helping wrap Santa's gifts. They get to step behind the curtain and I promise you they will love it. Trust your older kids. They will likely love the responsibility and be an incredibly helpful resource during the Christmas season. My son Mason was amazing towards my daughter Savannah and our nephews once he stopped believing in Santa. He helped with our elves on the shelf. He talked about Santa if he was a real person, and he encouraged all kids to be on their best behavior during the holiday season. A few short years later, Savannah stopped asking when our elf jingles would make an appearance in our home. She didn't talk about Santa and I started to put the pieces together. One day I asked her if she wanted to make a list for Santa, or if she just wanted to create one Christmas list. She chose the latter, and that's when I knew she longer believed. At first I was sad. But do you want to know something incredible? Once both of my kids no longer believed in Santa Claus, my life got a lot easier. Gone were the days of me trying to figure out creative ways to move our elf around the house. I no longer had to wait until the kids were sleeping on Christmas Eve to put presents under the tree. There was no more stressing about Christmas stocking gifts, or making sure that the kids had the same number of presents from Santa. It was a transition, But instead of dreading it, I was able to embrace it. And I know you can do this as well. Now let's switch gears and talk about the families who don't celebrate Christmas. To me, it is incredibly important to respect people who don't celebrate Christmas for cultural, religious, or personal reasons. This is a beautiful opportunity to model respect and curiosity. It is also an amazing opportunity to teach children about holiday celebrations around the world. It is important to engage with others who do not share beliefs with cooperation, grace and a desire to learn. When discussing winter holiday celebrations with our children, it is incredibly important to lead with respect. You may say we celebrate Christmas in our home, but we know that every family is different. Teach your children about awareness, not fear. You may want to say some families celebrate holidays that are different from ours. Some don't celebrate holidays at all. And that's okay. We can learn from each other. It's really important to avoid pressuring another family member to participate in your holiday celebrations. An invitation is fine and expectation is not. You can simply say we'll be decorating cookies this weekend if your kids would like to join. No pressure at all. When visiting non Christmas celebrating families, don't assume that Santa's dog is appropriate. Don't bring Christmas themed gifts unless you know that the family is comfortable with that. Above all. Position this as an opportunity for your child to learn inclusivity and empathy. Now let's discuss the situation we all dread. Your child comes home heartbroken because someone, another kid, or sometimes an adult told them that Santa isn't real. Your child is heartbroken. Your best approach is to gently understand who told your child that Santa was not real. When Savannah was eight years old, she had a playdate with a neighborhood child who decided to tell her that Santa was not real. This occurred while they were playing in my house. I was furious, but held my composure and she asked me about it afterwards. My response was, I believe in Santa. He brings holiday magic, but you are allowed to believe whatever you want. Her response was, yep, I believe in Santa too. She believed in Santa for a few more years until she didn't. If an adult happens to tell your child that Santa is not real, consider approaching them privately with the assumption of goodwill, such as saying, hey, I know Santa means different things to different families in our house. Our younger kids still believe and we love to keep that magic going a little longer. Would you mind helping us protect that for now? Or we're letting our kids enjoy the fantasy phase while it lasts. It would mean a lot if you'd avoid talking about Santa truth conversations around them. For those who do not celebrate Christmas, consider saying, we completely respect your traditions and we want our kids to understand that every family is different. At the same time, our younger ones still believe in Santa. So we're trying to keep that part intact for them a bit longer. Would you be comfortable avoiding Santa talk realities in the future. Here is a challenging situation for a family that does not celebrate Christmas. The understanding that Santa is not real may help their children accept the lack of gifts that they do not receive on Christmas. And it's okay to tell them that Santa is not real. But please talk about how important it is to keep that information to themselves, and how trying to convince a Santa loving child that Santa is not real will do more harm than good. Instead, it would be helpful to explain that different people have different beliefs, and the different beliefs do not believe that something is wrong. The same thing applies to a child who believes in Christmas and not Hanukkah. Encourage your child to embrace the beliefs of Hanukkah, even if they are not the beliefs of their own. Do not diminish the child who celebrates Hanukkah from their wonderful celebrations. If an adult has already spoiled the Santa's magic for your child, a calm response works best. Consider saying, I know you probably didn't mean to upset her, but we're trying to keep the fun going on for the younger kids. Please let the parents handle the Santa's discussions from here. Short. Clear. Graceful. And as we wrap up today, I want to leave you with this. Christmas isn't about whether Santa's climbs on a chimney or whether your child believes every detail of the story. It's about connection, tradition, and the small rituals that stitch families together. Children grow, traditions evolve. Belief shift. But the heart of this season the warmth, the generosity, the A patient that stays and you're doing beautifully, even on the days when it all feels like a lot. If you're navigating big feelings around Santa, siblings, or family expectations during this holiday season, know that you're not alone. You're building a home full of love, flexibility, and grace. And that's the real magic. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend or family member. And if you are still looking for the perfect holiday gift for a loved one, please consider my book, Parenting Redefined. A Guide to Understanding and Nurturing your Child's Behavior to help them thrive. Happy holidays, my friends! You are more than capable of navigating the holiday season with grace, humility, and strength.