Father's Day and Parenting: Helping Kids Honor Dad, Grieve Loss, and Navigate Absence

Father's Day can be a joyful celebration, but for many families, it can also bring complicated emotions, grief, disappointment, and difficult questions. In this heartfelt episode of MomDoc Talk, pediatrician and parenting expert Dr. Kristen Cook explores the history of Father's Day, practical ways children of all ages can celebrate father figures, and how parents can support children when Father's Day feels painful rather than celebratory. 

Whether your child's father is actively involved, has passed away, is absent, or there is another important father figure in their life, this episode offers compassionate, age-appropriate guidance to help families navigate the day with intention and emotional safety.

Dr. Cook shares practical ideas for toddlers, school-age children, and teenagers while addressing grief, loss, absent parents, and the powerful role that trusted mentors and father figures can play in a child's life.

Because Father's Day is about more than gifts. It's about connection, gratitude, love, and creating space for every family's unique story.

What You'll Learn

•  The surprising history of Father's Day 
•  How Father's Day became a national holiday 
•  Age-appropriate Father's Day activities for toddlers and preschoolers 
•  Meaningful Father's Day ideas for school-age children 
•  Ways teenagers can celebrate and reconnect with dads 
•  How to support children whose father has died 
•  Why grief should be acknowledged rather than avoided 
•  How to navigate Father's Day when a parent is absent 
•  What to say when children ask difficult questions about their father 
•  Why children often internalize parental absence 
•  How to validate children's feelings without criticizing the other parent 
•  The difference between being a father and actively fathering 
•  How trusted father figures can positively impact a child's life 

Order Dr. Kristen Cook's Book

Parenting Redefined: A Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Child's Behavior to Help Them Thrive

If you enjoy Mom Doc Talk and want practical, evidence-based parenting guidance with compassion, science-backed strategies, and real-world parenting support, grab your copy here:

Parenting Redefined on Amazon

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend, subscribe to Mom Doc Talk, and leave a review to help more parents find these conversations.

Podcast Disclaimer

The information presented in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitution for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider for medical concerns. All of the opinions are of Dr. Kristen Cook and do not reflect the opinions of her employer nor the hospitals she is affiliated with. The authors and publishers of this podcast do not assume any responsibility for errors, omissions, or consequences of using the information provided.

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Transcript

0:31

Welcome to Mom Doc Talk with Dr. Kristen Cook, where Real-Life Parenting meets medical expertise. I'm your host, a pediatrician with over a decade of experience, and just like you, a parent navigating the ups and downs of raising good human beings. With stories from my own experience as a mom, lessons in child development, and insights based on scientific evidence, I'm here to share practical strategies that work. Let's dive into this journey together and make parenting feel a little more peaceful and a lot more rewarding.[MUSIC] Hi, and welcome back to mom doc talk with Dr. Kristin Cook. I'm your host, a pediatrician, parenting expert, and fortunate enough to be married to the best person that I have ever known. Today I'm talking about something that can feel simple on the surface, but is actually layered, emotional, and sometimes even complicated. Today I'll discuss where Father's Day actually came from, and I have to say it's more interesting than you think, how to help your[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] celebrate their dad in a meaningful, age-appropriate way, and something we don't talk about enough. How to navigate this day if dad has died. Because like everything in parenting, this isn't about perfection. It's about intention.[MUSIC][MUSIC] Let's start with history because it matters. Father's Day didn't just appear out of nowhere. It actually began in the early nineteen hundreds. In fact, the first known Father's Day event occurred in nineteen O_ eight in West Virginia. On December sixth, nineteen O_ seven, a coal mine explosion killed three hundred and sixty two men. The impact was felt deeply in the local community. A woman named Grace Golden Clayton, who lost her husband in a mining accident in eighteen ninety six, approached her[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] her with the idea to create a data on her father's. The first father's day was July fifth, nineteen O_ eight. However, Sonora of SMARTDOT of Washington state is credited with the implementation of father's day. She was inspired by mother's day and wanted to honor her father, a civil war veteran who raised six children alone after her mother died during childbirth. The first official father's day was celebrated on June nineteenth,[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] Quite honestly, Father's Day was not wildly embraced at first. Some men resisted it. They felt it was too sentimental or not manly enough. Others felt it was too commercial. Nonetheless, Father's Day celebrations continued to spread across the United States. In nineteen seventy two, Father's Day became an official holiday thanks to President Nixon. I find it so interesting[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] that Father's Day was born b out of both grief and deep appreciation. And that tension still exists today.[MUSIC] Father's Day isn't just about gifts or barbecues. At its core, Father's Day is about presence, protection, guidance, and connection.[MUSIC] But here's an important truth. Not every child experiences a father in the same way.[MUSIC] It's important to normalize different experiences. Some dads are present and engaged. Others are absent or inconsistent. Step dads, grandfathers, uncles, father figures, and even the loss of the father.[MUSIC][MUSIC] As parents we need to hold space for all of it Let's. talk about how kids of all ages can celebrate the father figures in their lives. I'm going to make this practical because kids don't need elaborate plans. They need connection. For toddlers and preschoolers it's all about simple, sensory and parent guided. Here are some ideas. Having them create hand print or foot print art, a picture drawn or painted by your[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] helping make dad breakfast in bed, or filming them saying, I love you daddy, I know that in many cases we try to make father's day perfect, but please lower your expectations of outcome of your toddler's or preschooler's gift and raise your appreciation for the effort that they put into making that gift.[MUSIC][MUSIC] Moving on to school age kids. From ages five to eleven is often the sweet spot for creativity and intentionality. Here are some ideas for father's day gifts. Have your child write a letter about why they love their dad. Help them to create a coupon book for movie nights, help with chores, or even a special dad child day. Encourage them to plan a simple activity to do on father's day. Maybe it is a family bike ride or a picnic in the backyard.[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] Finally, ask them to pick out their favourite picture of themselves with their dad. Encourage them to decorate a picture frame to put the picture in. This is the age when kids begin to understand appreciation, not just love.[MUSIC] Encourage them to give their father figure specific compliments and encourage language that is full of gratitude, but please don't push them to force compliments or say something that they don't mean.[MUSIC][MUSIC] Do you wanna know one of my favourite Father's Day gifts of all time? A few years ago I went on Amazon and bought two books called What I love about my dad by me. It was full of prompts such as I believe we would make a blank team and I am the best version of myself today because you blank. Each one of my kids filled the entire book. Savannah even added stickers. Those books are currently located in our family[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] office. Every once in a while I take them off the shelf, I read a few pages, and it always makes me smile. I love the honesty and sincerity that was put into creating those gifts.[MUSIC] During the teen years, we shift from cute to meaningful. Some ideas for gifts include a thoughtful text or a hand-written note, watching a sporting event together, sharing a memory or a lesson that they've learned from dad, or to plan a family activity that is aligned with dad's interests.[MUSIC][MUSIC] Teenagers often pull away, but Father's Day provides an opportunity to reconnect. Finally, remember that experiences are often more meaningful than physical gifts, regardless of the age of your child. Now let's talk about when Father's Day is painful rather than celebratory.[MUSIC][MUSIC] This is a part we don't skip. Because for many families, Father's Day hurts. Some kids don't have a dad that is consistently present in their life. Maybe dad has died. Or he chooses to be absent.[MUSIC][MUSIC] As a parent, your instinct is to protect your child from pain. But grief can't be avoided. It needs to be supported. Let's start with the dads that have died. For younger kids, keep it simple and honest. Use clear, specific language. You can say something like, "Daddy died but we can still celebrate him if you want to." Reassure your kids that they are safe and loved.[MUSIC][MUSIC] Consider asking your children if they want to draw pictures of dad, look at photos, or share simple stories. And if any of those activities are going to cause your child discomfort or pain, you don't have to do them. You can create new traditions on Father's Day.[MUSIC][MUSIC] Please remember that toddlers and preschoolers do not understand the finality of death.[MUSIC] Father's Day may bring up memories of their dad, and they may ask when daddy is coming home. They are not trying to be hurtful by asking these questions. They just don't understand, so please be patient with them. For school age children, encourage them to ask questions, acknowledge emotions, both the emotions of your children and your own emotions.[MUSIC][MUSIC] Make sure to normalize mixed emotions. Kids need to know that it is okay to be sad that dad has died, but happy that Uncle Max is going to take them to the park.[MUSIC] Father's Day activities may include creating a dad memory box, writing him a letter, or lighting a candle in his honor.[MUSIC] For teenagers, it is important to give them space, but remain available physically, mentally, and emotionally. Please don't force participation in any Father's Day activities, yet consider offering them a visit to dad's grave site or watching dad's favorite movie together. For children of all ages, it's important not to ignore the day. Avoidance or ignoring can feel like erasure.[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] At the same time, you do not need to make it a huge deal. You need to do what is best for you and your family. Again, make sure to name the emotions. Consider saying, this day can feel really hard. I'm here with you.[MUSIC][MUSIC] And finally, understand that Father's Day will look different each year. Grief evolves, and so does the way we respond to grief. There is another group of families that I wanna speak to today, those navigating Father's Day when dad is alive, but not actively or consistently involved in the child's life.[MUSIC][MUSIC] This can be one of the most emotionally complicated versions of Father's Day because there isn't the finality of loss. Instead, there's often uncertainty, disappointment, confusion, anger, longing, or hope.[MUSIC][MUSIC] As parents, our instinct is to often protect our children from hurt, but when it comes to an absentee parent, children don't need us to minimize their feelings or explain away another adult's choices. What they need is validation, honesty, and a safe place to process their emotions. Remember, your child's relationship with their father needs to be separate from your emotions. Biological dad may be a no good loser,[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] But if your child adores him, negative sentiments will do more harm than good. Your job isn't to fix the relationship. Your job is to help your child navigate it. One of the hardest situations is when dad occasionally appears and then disappears. Children often get stuck on hope. Every missed phone call or broken promise becomes another wound. As parents avoid making promises on dad's behalf, instead of[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] saying, I'm sure he'll call you. Try saying, I hope he calls too. This protects your child's trust in you while acknowledging reality. And before we dive into the age-specific recommendations, I want you to acknowledge that Father's Day does not erase the dad's behaviour the other three hundred and sixty four days of the year. He is not entitled to a special day if he forgot to wish your child a happy birthday for three years in a row.[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] Let's start with toddlers and preschoolers. At this age, children live very much in the present moment. They may notice that dead isn't around or that other children talk about their dads in a positive manner. That Father's Day celebrations often happen at schools and day cares. But at this age, kids don't yet understand the complex reasons behind the absence. They often ask simple but heartbreaking questions. Where's my daddy? Why doesn't daddy[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] come home? Does Daddy even love me? The most important thing is reassurance. Children at this age are very egocentric. They often believe that if Dad isn't around, it's because they caused him to leave. Instead of telling them, your dad just doesn't care, consider saying, Daddy isn't able to be here right now, but you are loved by so many people. Or nothing you did or thought[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] daddy to be away. If the child wants to acknowledge dad, they may wanna draw a picture, make a card, or talk about happy memories if they have them. And if they don't bring dad up at all, that's okay too. Don't force an emotional experience that they aren't having. You might utilize father's day to celebrate the people in their life who consistently show up. Grandparents, an uncle, a stepdad, or even a coach. The[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] then becomes families are built by people who love and care for us. School-age children begin comparing their experience to others. This is often when the pain becomes more noticeable. They may wonder why other kids have involved dads, why their dad doesn't call, or if something they did caused dad to be distant. This age group is especially vulnerable to internalizing rejection. Many children quietly conclude, if[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] doesn't want to be around me. Something must be wrong with me. School-age kids need to hear. Your father's choices are not a reflection of your goodness or of your worth. And they need to hear this message over and over again. An absentee parent's behaviour says something about the adult, not about the child. Let your school-age child have input when it comes to celebrating or not celebrating Father's Day. Give your child[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] If they want to recognize their dad, they can write a letter, draw a picture, or even make a card. Even if those things never get sent. They may want to honor a father figure, encourage gratitude towards someone who has shown up consistently, and some school-age children don't want to celebrate. That's okay too. Not every child needs a Father's Day project.[MUSIC][MUSIC] It's important to avoid statements like, ugh, he's a terrible father, or you don't need him anyway. Even if your frustration is justified, children often hear criticism of a parent as criticism as a part of themselves. Instead, consider saying, I know this feels hard, or it's okay to have mixed feelings.[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] Teenagers see the situation much more clearly. They recognize broken promises, missed birthdays, and inconsistent contact. They may experience anger, resentment, sadness, indifference, or curiosity. And sometimes all of those emotions in the same day.[MUSIC][MUSIC] Teens need respect, and they don't want adults telling them how they should feel. Instead, create space for honest conversation. Try asking, what is Father's Day like for you? Or, what emotions come up when this holiday approaches? Then listen more than you talk. Allow them to choose. They may want to reach out to dad, not reach out at all, spend time with another mentor, or ignore the holiday entirely.[MUSIC][MUSIC][MUSIC] All of these can be healthy choices. Whether celebratory or not, Father's Day can become an opportunity to discuss something bigger, the difference between biology and presence.[MUSIC] Being a father and fathering are not always the same thing.[MUSIC] Help teens identify people who have demonstrated reliability, support, guidance and care.[MUSIC] Sometimes those people become the most influential adults in their lives. If your child has an absentee father, Father's Day may never feel simple. And that's okay. Your goal is not to make the day happy. Your goal is to make the day safe. Safe for sadness, safe for questions, safe for anger and safe for hope.[MUSIC][MUSIC] When children know they can bring all of their feelings to you without judgment, they develop resilience. And sometimes the greatest gift we can give our children isn't helping them avoid disappointment, it's helping them learn that they can survive it.[MUSIC][MUSIC] Thank you for spending part of your day with me today. And do you know what else makes a great Father's Day gift? A copy of my book, Parenting Redefined, a guide to understanding and nurturing your child's behaviour to help them thrive. It's available on Amazon. I truly wish all of the fathers out there a very happy Father's Day.[MUSIC] Thanks for listening to Mom Doc Talk, where we explore the world of parenting with a little bit of science and a whole lot of heart. If this episode resonated with you, please consider sharing it with a friend. Don't forget to subscribe and review this episode as it helps me reach more parents like you. I'd love to connect on social media, you can find me at momdoctalk_k_k_c_M_D_.(gentle music) you