How to Raise Girls and Boys Who Reject Misogyny and Support Others

Misogyny isn't just something we see in history books or headlines. It can show up in everyday conversations, subtle expectations, social media, and even the messages we unknowingly pass on to our children.

In this thought-provoking episode of MomDoc Talk, pediatrician, author, and parenting educator Dr. Kristen Cook explores how gender stereotypes, comparison, and internalized misogyny shape the way children see themselves and others—and what parents can do to break the cycle.

Dr. Cook explains how children begin forming gender stereotypes in the preschool years, why women are often conditioned to compete instead of collaborate, and how historical inequalities continue to influence modern parenting. Most importantly, she shares practical strategies to help parents raise children who value respect, confidence, kindness, and equality.

This episode isn't political. It's about creating healthier relationships, stronger self-worth, and a future where children believe there is enough room for everyone to succeed.

What You'll Learn

• What misogyny actually means
• How internalized misogyny develops
• Why women sometimes compete instead of support one another
• How children begin forming gender stereotypes
• The role parents play in shaping beliefs about gender
• How social media fuels comparison
• Why another woman's success doesn't diminish your own
• Historical examples that still influence modern thinking
• How to raise daughters with confidence instead of comparison
• How to raise sons who value equality and respect
• Everyday parenting habits that reinforce or challenge stereotypes
• Practical ways to teach collaboration instead of competition
• Strategies to stop comparison and cultivate gratitude
• How parents can model confidence, respect, and kindness

Order Dr. Kristen Cook's Book

Parenting Redefined: A Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Child's Behavior to Help Them Thrive

If you enjoy Mom Doc Talk and want practical, evidence-based parenting guidance with compassion, science-backed strategies, and real-world parenting support, grab your copy here:

Parenting Redefined on Amazon

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Podcast Disclaimer

The information presented in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitution for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider for medical concerns. All of the opinions are of Dr. Kristen Cook and do not reflect the opinions of her employer nor the hospitals she is affiliated with. The authors and publishers of this podcast do not assume any responsibility for errors, omissions, or consequences of using the information provided.

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Transcript

0:33

Welcome to Mom Doc Talk with Dr. Kristen Cook, where real-life parenting meets medical expertise. I'm your host, a pediatrician with over a decade of experience, and just like you, a parent navigating the ups and downs of raising good human beings. With stories from my own experiences of mom, lessons in child development, and insights based on scientific evidence, I'm here to share practical strategies that work. Let's dive into this journey together and make parenting feel a little more peaceful and a lot more rewarding. Hi everyone, and welcome back to Mom Doc Talk with Dr. Kristen Cook. I'm your host, a pediatrician, mom, and parenting educator. Today I'm talking about something that affects nearly every woman, and whether we realize it or not, it also affects every child we raise. Misogyny. Now before anyone turns off this episode because they think this is going to become political, that is not my goal. Today's conversation is about understanding how society teaches us to think about women, how women are taught to compete against one another instead of supporting each other, and perhaps most importantly, what parents can do to break that cycle. Because misogyny isn't simply just about how men view women. Oftentimes, women unknowingly participate in it too, and in many cases we are the worst offenders. I'm not saying this to be judgmental. And sometimes mothers pass it to daughters. Sometimes fathers unintentionally reinforce it. Sometimes teachers, coaches, media, advertisements, and even social media all send the same messages. There is only room for one successful woman. Your value and your success depends on how attractive you are. Other women are your competition. Those messages are exhausting, and they're wrong. Today, I'm going to discuss what misogyny actually is. Internalized misogyny. Why women often feel pressured to compete with each other. How comparison steals joy. Why another woman's success does not diminish your success. How parents can raise children who reject these harmful beliefs. And practical ways women can become each other's greatest supporters. Let's dive in. The word misogyny means prejudice, contempt, or hatred towards women. Many people imagine misogyny only as avert sexism. Things like unequal pay, denying women opportunities, harassment, and even violence. Those are certainly examples. But misogyny also exists in quieter, more subtle ways. Examples include assuming mothers should carry most parenting responsibilities, criticizing women for being ambitious, judging women more harshly than men for making mistakes, calling confident women bossy or intimidating while calling men leaders, expecting women to look a certain way while also criticizing them if they look too good. These expectations become so normal that many people stop noticing them, yet children notice them. Even toddlers notice differences in how adults speak about men and women. Research in developmental psychology shows that children begin forming gender stereotypes in the preschool years. These stereotypes are influenced by family, peers, media, and cultural messages. These early assumptions can shape children's beliefs about careers, leadership, emotions, and relationships unless adults actively challenge them. As parents, we have enormous influence over which messages our children accept and which they learn to question. A difficult concept to understand is internalized misogyny. Internalized misogyny happens when women unconsciously adopt society's negative beliefs about women. It doesn't mean that someone dislikes women. Instead, it means they may unknowingly reinforce harmful stereotypes. For example, thoughts or statements such as, "She's just successful because she's pretty," or "She only got promoted because I am so sure that she is sleeping with the boss." Notice what happens. Instead of celebrating another woman, we look for reasons to explain away her success. Many women don't realize that they've been taught this way of thinking. Why? Because historically, women had fewer opportunities. When opportunities were limited, it sometimes felt like only one woman could succeed. Only one female executive. Only one female physician. Only one female athlete. Only one female CEO. Only one woman could occupy the successful woman role. Thankfully, opportunities have expanded dramatically over time. Yet the old mindset that for women, success is scarce and must be competed for can linger even when it's no longer true. That scarcity mindset can still influence how women see one another. One of the reasons misogyny can become so deeply ingrained in a culture is that throughout history, it hasn't only existed in people's attitudes, it has also been reflected in the law. Laws tell us what a society values. And when we look back at American history, we can see that women were often treated as less capable, less independent, or less deserving of equal rights under the law. Now it's important to say this. Many of these laws have changed because generations of women and supportive men work tirelessly to challenge them. Understanding these laws isn't about assigning blame. It's about recognizing how history shapes the messages we still hear today. Let's start with one of the most obvious examples. For most of American history, women couldn't vote. The United States Constitution originally protected voter rights for men, but not women. That didn't change until 1920, when the 19th Amendment granted women the constitutional right to vote. Imagine generations of girls growing up knowing that their opinions literally didn't count at the ballot box. That leaves a cultural imprint. Now here's one that surprises many people. Until October 28, 1974, women legally could not obtain credit in their own names. Banks often required a husband's signature, a father's signature, or proof of a male co-signer. Imagine trying to buy groceries, plan your child's birthday party, or even start a business only to be told that your financial future depended on a man's permission. The Equal Credit Opportunity Act of 1974 made it illegal for creditors to discriminate based on sex or marital status. And that's not ancient history. This next topic is difficult, but also important. For much of American history, domestic violence was often treated as a private family matter rather than a crime. Even more shocking to many people, every state once had some form of marital rape exemption, meaning a husband could not be prosecuted for raping his wife under certain circumstances. These exemptions were gradually eliminated over time, and by the early 1990s, all states had removed blanket marital rape exemptions, though legal definitions and penalties have continued to evolve. Again, these changes didn't happen automatically. People demanded better protections. Moving on, let's talk about comparison. Comparison starts young. Kids compare. Clothes. Grades. Popularity. Appearance. Sports. Friendships. And the list goes on. Then adulthood arrives. Now women in particular compare. Careers. Marriages. Children. Parenting styles. Homes. Vacations. Weight. Wrinkles. And achievements, just to name a few. Social media magnifies this. We don't compare our ordinary Tuesday to someone else's ordinary Tuesday. We compare our real life to someone else's highlight reel. Comparison creates the illusion that everyone else has it figured out. As a pediatrician, I can tell you, they don't. Every family struggles. Every marriage has difficult seasons. Every parent loses patience. Every child has challenges. Social media allows us to see what people choose to show instead of what the reality is. Here's another problem with comparisons. We don't know another person's story. That beautiful woman in a pretty dress that you see in the grocery store, maybe on her way to a funeral. The mom and pajamas that you see in the next aisle over may have a child who is battling cancer. We don't know other people's stories. So comparison is inherently unfair. One of the biggest lies that is implied is that for women, there's not enough success to go around. But success isn't pie. Someone else's success doesn't make your opportunities disappear. Think about it in parenting terms. When one child learns to ride a bike, does that prevent the other sibling from learning? Of course not. One child's accomplishment doesn't reduce another child's potential. The same is true for women. Another author's bestselling book doesn't prevent yours from helping readers. Another physician's successful practice doesn't reduce the need for compassionate healthcare. Another entrepreneur's thriving business doesn't prevent yours from succeeding. Success is not finite. Kindness is not finite. Leadership is not finite. Ideas are not finite. Ladies, there is enough room for all of us. We do not need to make ourselves smaller or to be quieter. In fact, when women mentor and support one another, everyone benefits from improved career development to stronger workplace cultures and greater innovation. As parents, we shape the next generation. It is important to teach our kids that they are worthy simply because they exist. Especially for girls, they need to understand that their worth is not tied to their physical appearance. Their intelligence matters. Their kindness matters. Their resilience matters. It is important to celebrate effort, character, and courage. Teach all kids that confidence is not arrogance. Ambition is not selfish. Leadership is not bossiness. That all people deserve respect. That individuals are responsible for managing their own emotions. That women are not prizes. That household responsibilities belong to everyone. Compassion matters. When kids grow up seeing fathers respect mothers and mothers respecting themselves and other women, they learn healthy relationships. Do your best to avoid gender double standards. Ask yourself, do I praise my son for being adventurous, but consider my daughter reckless? Do I expect my daughters to help clean more? Do I interrupt my daughters more often? Do I encourage sons to solve problems while encouraging daughters to please others? Small differences add up. Children notice fairness. It is important to teach collaboration. If comparison has become a habit in your life, here are some practical strategies. Limit social media exposure when needed. Notice how you feel after scrolling. Are you inspired or do you feel inadequate? It's important to protect your peace. Practice gratitude. Your brain can't simultaneously focus on abundance and scarcity. Every day write down three things you're grateful for. Pay attention to your thoughts. Notice comparison thoughts and replace them. For example, if you think,"She's better than me," pause, then tell yourself, "No, she's just different than me." Celebrate others intentionally. Congratulate people. Share their work. Recommend them. Generosity changes our mindset. Finally, define success for yourself. Whose definition are you chasing? Societies, Instagrams, or your own? Success looks different for everyone. Imagine what would happen if every woman committed to lifting up one other woman. One single woman. Once a day. It would change the world. Here are some practical ideas. Complement another woman without expecting anything in return. Recommend a woman for a leadership opportunity. Share resources. Mentor younger women. Support women-owned businesses. Celebrate accomplishments publicly. Assume positive intentions. Refuse to participate in gossip. Stand up and speak out when another woman is unfairly criticized. I want to leave you with one final thought. Our daughters are watching how we talk about ourselves and about other women. Our sons are watching how we treat ourselves and how we treat other women. Our children are learning from every conversation we have at the dinner table, every comment we make while scrolling social media, every judgment we voice, and every act of kindness we extend. If we constantly criticize ourselves or others, they learn self-criticism. If we compare ourselves to everyone else, they learn comparison. If we gossip and judge, well, you get the picture. But if we celebrate other women, if we encourage instead of compete, if we show that confidence and kindness can exist together, our children learn that there is enough room for everyone to thrive. Imagine the world they could build if they grow up believing another person's success is not a threat, but something worth celebrating. As parents, we can replace scarcity with abundance, comparison with confidence, and competition with collaboration. That may be one of the greatest gifts we can give the next generation. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with a friend, sister, colleague, or another parent who might need the reminder that we are stronger when we support one another. Or even better, sincerely compliment another woman about one of her achievements. Until next time, remember to parent the child that you have, not the child that you thought you would have. And don't forget to show yourself the same grace and compassion that you so freely give to everyone else. Take care, and I'll see you next week on Mom Doc Talk with Dr. Kristin Cook.(Music)