Breaking Barriers and Shattering Records

What happens when you replace "I can't" with "I can"?

Join me, Carmen Cauthen as I share my personal journey of overcoming self-imposed limitations by transforming fear into empowerment. Inspired by her upbringing, where "I can't" was never an option, I dive into the art of confronting fears head-on, from learning to spell to facing the daunting world of public speaking and podcasting. My stories are a testament to the incredible possibilities that open up when we challenge our own boundaries and refuse to let fear dictate our actions. 

In an inspiring episode, I also reveal the secrets behind a remarkable school fundraising initiative that shattered previous records. Drawing from the year the Hurricanes triumphed in the Stanley Cup, I illustrate how creativity and a refusal to be held back by doubt can lead to extraordinary success. With innovative auction items and inclusive tactics, the event raised $9,000, setting a new benchmark for what belief and perseverance can achieve.

Let my journey motivate you to banish the "I can't" mindset and tap into the limitless potential that lies within.

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Carmen Wimberley Cauthen is an author, speaker, and lover of history, Black history in particular.  As a truth teller, she delights in finding the hidden truths about the lives of people who made a difference - whether they were unknown icons or regular everyday people.

To Learn more of Carmen: 
www.carmencauthen.com
www.researchandresource.com

Transcript

Empowerment Through Avoiding "I Can't"

Speaker 1 0:01

Unseen , unheard . We've lived like that far too long . I'm Carmen Coffin and this is Quiet , no More . You know , one of the words or phrases that I learned to hate as a child was I can't . I used to say it and that didn't go over very well . We would hear , yes , you can it anyway . Like if I said I can't spell this word . Well , you just didn't tell my mom and dad especially my dad that you couldn't spell something , because that meant that you were going to the dictionary or the encyclopedia and you were going to sound it out until you spelled it correctly . They were not going to tell you how to do it . And don't bring it home spelled wrong from school , because that would get you in just as much trouble . But you know what I can't says to me now that I'm an adult , or after I became a parent , it really says to me you're too lazy to try .

Speaker 1 1:35

Because one of the things that I taught myself was that if I can't and somebody else can , it's because I didn't put forth the effort . It doesn't mean I can do it perfectly , and there might be something that I am not equipped or I don't have enough training or I haven't learned enough to do , but especially in this day and age where the Internet will teach you how to do just about anything , I don't say I can't anymore . And a lot of times when I think about that there's something that I can't do , it's because I'm afraid to do it . And why would I be afraid , I mean ? The next question after I can't is well , why can't you ? Okay , I cannot be a surgeon . I will not be a surgeon because I am not going to school to learn how to do that . It's not that I can't , it's that I don't have the desire to . I don't want to learn how to . That's just not my thing . But it's not that I am unable to to . I am not ignorant , I am not stupid , but it's not what I want to do . So I'm not going to tell you I can't do it , because I probably can if I want to , and I put my mind to it . But sometimes we don't do things that we could because we're afraid that we'll fail if we try , and that's not an acceptable excuse for me .

Speaker 1 3:36

I would have told you five years ago that I can't record a podcast , but that wasn't true . It took me about two and a half years to make up my mind to do it really and truly , because I was afraid to put myself out there . But I have learned that I am capable of oh so many things . I didn't think I'd ever be able to write a book . I wanted to . I wanted to write a book about my mother , but I hadn't made the effort to start . And when someone asked me to write the book , the first thing I said to them was no , I don't want to do that . But do you know , I love writing and I love researching , and I always have . So that wasn't true .

Speaker 1 4:32

One of the things that I have taught my children and my grandchildren is don't say you can't . And my grandchildren is don't say you can't , say I don't want to learn to do that , or , if you think you can't do something , figure out what is the worst thing that could happen if you try . So the worst thing that could happen is that I could try and I don't pass the test . Okay , that doesn't mean you can't . That't is a big blocker from your dreams , from your hopes , from things that you aspire to do , from things that you think you can do . It's a fear word . It's not worth putting in your vocabulary . It's a waste . You don't know what you can do until you make the effort to try . And you can always back up after you try . Do you remember that little poem ? That little poem , the one that my parents made me learn ?

Speaker 1 6:04

If at first you don't succeed , try , try again . You know that's what you do when you learn how to crawl when you're a baby you try . You start out with maybe one leg on the ground , but you want to move , you want to see , you want to investigate what's going on . So you figure out how to scoot forward . And a lot of us scoot with one leg and not two . And then we put that other leg down and we start to crawl . And eventually we see that things are higher than us and we want to get to them . So we start to grab hold and pull ourselves up . And once we pull ourselves up , then we decide we want to see if we can do what those other people are doing that are walking . And so we try to take steps . And do you know what happens when we take the steps ? We fall and then we bounce back up and we try it again until we walk . It's no different when you're an adult and you're learning to do something new . You're trying , you're putting one foot in front of the other or one leg down , and you're continuing until you get to a point where you have to do a little extra stretching and you pull , and then you pull yourself up to the next rung , and then you pull yourself up to the next rung and then you decide to put one whole foot out and the other and you walk .

Speaker 1 7:48

I would never have thought that I would go and speak in front of people unless it was PTA . I would never have thought that I would have sung in front of people when I was growing up but I was encouraged to and I sounded okay . I would never have thought that I would write a book or that I would be thinking about writing more . I would never have thought about people would actually pay me to speak because it was something that I would do for free and I was devaluing who I was by doing that all of the time . So the word can't that's not in my vocabulary and you need to take it out of yours .

Speaker 1 8:43

There might be some things that you can try to do that you won't succeed at , but that doesn't mean that you can't , and I don't want you to limit yourself by saying that you can't . Sometimes it's just making a choice and we need to own our choices . We need to say that's something I choose not to do . Not , I can't do that . Yeah , you can . I've had people tell me oh , you're so creative and I couldn't do that , I can't do that . Well , they don't know where my creativity came from . Some things I learned to do when I was a kid , some things I promise you . I did a Google search and watched some videos and figured out how to do it . You know why ? Because I wanted to . I don't let things tell me that I can't , and I remember very well when people would tell me that I couldn't .

Speaker 1 10:01

In fact , here's a great story when I was PTA president at an elementary school , the school had a history of having a silent auction every year to raise funds , and the person who was supposed to be in charge of it the year I was PTA president I knew she was going through a divorce and I didn't see where she'd have time to do it . But the VP who was in charge of volunteers , promised me that she'd do it , it'd be no problem , and I said okay , and that event normally happened in April . Well , in January , the VP of volunteers came to me and said you know , she's not going to be able to do it . And I just looked at her and she said we'll just have to cancel it . Well , that was the big fundraiser for the school year . I'm still a black woman . I'm always going to be a black woman .

Speaker 1 11:00

So if something is not going to happen on my watch , it needs to be because I don't want it to happen . I don't want to get blamed for something happening or not happening that I could have avoided . And so I said and so I said well , I'll just handle it . And what she said next pissed me off . She said well , I don't know if you've ever been to an auction or not . Well , what did that have to do with it ? I had been to four of them at that school . I had been to one when I was a child in Lake St Catherine , vermont , and I knew you needed an auctioneer and you needed stuff to auction off .

Speaker 1 11:52

So I decided that I was going to go visit all the PTA auctions that were going on for the next couple of weeks . And I did , and I saw what it looked like they were doing and I thought OK , I'll go online and I'll check it out a little bit more . And so I did . And I figured out we needed documents because we needed to put out auction sheets , we needed stuff to auction off , but we had to use the ID number for the school or for the PTA . So I created all these documents online and I put them in my car and every time I would stop somewhere , I would go to businesses and I would say I'm PTA president for this school and we're hosting a silent auction , and I'd tell them the date , I'd give them all the information they needed , and I can't think of a single company that told me no . And so I ended up with tons of stuff . I went online and I searched for silent auction gifts and companies just popped up that said that they were giving away things . You know , if you had the right documentation and I had the right documentation I had stuff coming to my house . I had a friend who worked for Disney . He sent some stuff from his company . I had all kinds of stuff .

Speaker 1 13:22

And then I thought about all those options . I had been to all those fundraisers I had been to in the past . We very rarely had the black children there who were bused in and so I was like how can we get that to happen ? And how can we get black parents to come ? You know , their children come on a bus . They don't always have a way to get here . I talked to the teachers . One of the teachers said she was going to get the bus from her church . She went and picked up students and parents . I talked to some other folk

Empowering Actions for Fundraising Success

Speaker 1 13:56

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Speaker 1 13:56

It was the year that the Hurricanes had won the Stanley Cup . We got some signed banners from the folks with the Hurricanes . We had live auctions , we had silent auctions . I made sure we had something so that every child could go buy something with their own money . So we had a room of used toys and kids could come and buy something for $2 or less . And then I thought you know , our silent auctions are always . I couldn't afford to buy stuff . So I made sure that we had things that were produced by the classrooms , things that were gifts from businesses , things that didn't have to be combined . We had some big gifts but some small . And I told my best friend I said this is going to be the best damn spring fling they ever have . And it was . We raised $9,000 that year , which was more than any other activity had raised for that part of the year . The school was full , it was packed , the library was taken over by the silent auction and then we had some folks who decided they would be the auctioneers and auction off the stuff .

Speaker 1 15:22

But you know , if I had followed the first instinct , we wouldn't have had that event , we wouldn't have made that amount of money for school that year , because I had never done it before . I would have said I can't , I would have been afraid , but I don't say that , I don't use that word . And so I learned that I don't have to be silent If I want to learn how to do something . I can , and so I don't use the word I can't . And because I don't use the words I can , and so I don't use the word I can't , and because I don't use the words I can't , I'm not silent anymore . You've been listening to Quiet no More , where I share my journey , so you can be quiet no more . Let's connect at wwwcarmencawthoncom .