Quiet No More

Breaking Barriers and Shattering Records

• Carmen Cauthen

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What happens when you replace "I can't" with "I can"?

Join me, Carmen Cauthen as I share my personal journey of overcoming self-imposed limitations by transforming fear into empowerment. Inspired by her upbringing, where "I can't" was never an option, I dive into the art of confronting fears head-on, from learning to spell to facing the daunting world of public speaking and podcasting. My stories are a testament to the incredible possibilities that open up when we challenge our own boundaries and refuse to let fear dictate our actions. 

In an inspiring episode, I also reveal the secrets behind a remarkable school fundraising initiative that shattered previous records. Drawing from the year the Hurricanes triumphed in the Stanley Cup, I illustrate how creativity and a refusal to be held back by doubt can lead to extraordinary success. With innovative auction items and inclusive tactics, the event raised $9,000, setting a new benchmark for what belief and perseverance can achieve.

Let my journey motivate you to banish the "I can't" mindset and tap into the limitless potential that lies within.

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Carmen Wimberley Cauthen is an author, speaker, and lover of history, Black history in particular. As a truth teller, she delights in finding the hidden truths about the lives of people who made a difference - whether they were unknown icons or regular everyday people.

To Learn more of Carmen:
www.carmencauthen.com
www.researchandresource.com

Speaker 1:

Unseen, unheard. We've lived like that far too long. I'm Carmen Coffin and this is Quiet, no More. You know, one of the words or phrases that I learned to hate as a child was I can't. I used to say it and that didn't go over very well. We would hear, yes, you can it anyway. Like if I said I can't spell this word. Well, you just didn't tell my mom and dad especially my dad that you couldn't spell something, because that meant that you were going to the dictionary or the encyclopedia and you were going to sound it out until you spelled it correctly. They were not going to tell you how to do it. And don't bring it home spelled wrong from school, because that would get you in just as much trouble. But you know what I can't says to me now that I'm an adult, or after I became a parent, it really says to me you're too lazy to try.

Speaker 1:

Because one of the things that I taught myself was that if I can't and somebody else can, it's because I didn't put forth the effort. It doesn't mean I can do it perfectly, and there might be something that I am not equipped or I don't have enough training or I haven't learned enough to do, but especially in this day and age where the Internet will teach you how to do just about anything, I don't say I can't anymore. And a lot of times when I think about that there's something that I can't do, it's because I'm afraid to do it. And why would I be afraid, I mean? The next question after I can't is well, why can't you? Okay, I cannot be a surgeon. I will not be a surgeon because I am not going to school to learn how to do that. It's not that I can't, it's that I don't have the desire to. I don't want to learn how to. That's just not my thing. But it's not that I am unable to to. I am not ignorant, I am not stupid, but it's not what I want to do. So I'm not going to tell you I can't do it, because I probably can if I want to, and I put my mind to it. But sometimes we don't do things that we could because we're afraid that we'll fail if we try, and that's not an acceptable excuse for me.

Speaker 1:

I would have told you five years ago that I can't record a podcast, but that wasn't true. It took me about two and a half years to make up my mind to do it really and truly, because I was afraid to put myself out there. But I have learned that I am capable of oh so many things. I didn't think I'd ever be able to write a book. I wanted to. I wanted to write a book about my mother, but I hadn't made the effort to start. And when someone asked me to write the book, the first thing I said to them was no, I don't want to do that. But do you know, I love writing and I love researching, and I always have. So that wasn't true.

Speaker 1:

One of the things that I have taught my children and my grandchildren is don't say you can't. And my grandchildren is don't say you can't, say I don't want to learn to do that, or, if you think you can't do something, figure out what is the worst thing that could happen if you try. So the worst thing that could happen is that I could try and I don't pass the test. Okay, that doesn't mean you can't. That't is a big blocker from your dreams, from your hopes, from things that you aspire to do, from things that you think you can do. It's a fear word. It's not worth putting in your vocabulary. It's a waste. You don't know what you can do until you make the effort to try. And you can always back up after you try. Do you remember that little poem? That little poem, the one that my parents made me learn?

Speaker 1:

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. You know that's what you do when you learn how to crawl when you're a baby you try. You start out with maybe one leg on the ground, but you want to move, you want to see, you want to investigate what's going on. So you figure out how to scoot forward. And a lot of us scoot with one leg and not two. And then we put that other leg down and we start to crawl. And eventually we see that things are higher than us and we want to get to them. So we start to grab hold and pull ourselves up. And once we pull ourselves up, then we decide we want to see if we can do what those other people are doing that are walking. And so we try to take steps. And do you know what happens when we take the steps? We fall and then we bounce back up and we try it again until we walk. It's no different when you're an adult and you're learning to do something new. You're trying, you're putting one foot in front of the other or one leg down, and you're continuing until you get to a point where you have to do a little extra stretching and you pull, and then you pull yourself up to the next rung, and then you pull yourself up to the next rung and then you decide to put one whole foot out and the other and you walk.

Speaker 1:

I would never have thought that I would go and speak in front of people unless it was PTA. I would never have thought that I would have sung in front of people when I was growing up but I was encouraged to and I sounded okay. I would never have thought that I would write a book or that I would be thinking about writing more. I would never have thought about people would actually pay me to speak because it was something that I would do for free and I was devaluing who I was by doing that all of the time. So the word can't that's not in my vocabulary and you need to take it out of yours.

Speaker 1:

There might be some things that you can try to do that you won't succeed at, but that doesn't mean that you can't, and I don't want you to limit yourself by saying that you can't. Sometimes it's just making a choice and we need to own our choices. We need to say that's something I choose not to do. Not, I can't do that. Yeah, you can. I've had people tell me oh, you're so creative and I couldn't do that, I can't do that. Well, they don't know where my creativity came from. Some things I learned to do when I was a kid, some things I promise you. I did a Google search and watched some videos and figured out how to do it. You know why? Because I wanted to. I don't let things tell me that I can't, and I remember very well when people would tell me that I couldn't.

Speaker 1:

In fact, here's a great story when I was PTA president at an elementary school, the school had a history of having a silent auction every year to raise funds, and the person who was supposed to be in charge of it the year I was PTA president I knew she was going through a divorce and I didn't see where she'd have time to do it. But the VP who was in charge of volunteers, promised me that she'd do it, it'd be no problem, and I said okay, and that event normally happened in April. Well, in January, the VP of volunteers came to me and said you know, she's not going to be able to do it. And I just looked at her and she said we'll just have to cancel it. Well, that was the big fundraiser for the school year. I'm still a black woman. I'm always going to be a black woman.

Speaker 1:

So if something is not going to happen on my watch, it needs to be because I don't want it to happen. I don't want to get blamed for something happening or not happening that I could have avoided. And so I said and so I said well, I'll just handle it. And what she said next pissed me off. She said well, I don't know if you've ever been to an auction or not. Well, what did that have to do with it? I had been to four of them at that school. I had been to one when I was a child in Lake St Catherine, vermont, and I knew you needed an auctioneer and you needed stuff to auction off.

Speaker 1:

So I decided that I was going to go visit all the PTA auctions that were going on for the next couple of weeks. And I did, and I saw what it looked like they were doing and I thought OK, I'll go online and I'll check it out a little bit more. And so I did. And I figured out we needed documents because we needed to put out auction sheets, we needed stuff to auction off, but we had to use the ID number for the school or for the PTA. So I created all these documents online and I put them in my car and every time I would stop somewhere, I would go to businesses and I would say I'm PTA president for this school and we're hosting a silent auction, and I'd tell them the date, I'd give them all the information they needed, and I can't think of a single company that told me no. And so I ended up with tons of stuff. I went online and I searched for silent auction gifts and companies just popped up that said that they were giving away things. You know, if you had the right documentation and I had the right documentation I had stuff coming to my house. I had a friend who worked for Disney. He sent some stuff from his company. I had all kinds of stuff.

Speaker 1:

And then I thought about all those options. I had been to all those fundraisers I had been to in the past. We very rarely had the black children there who were bused in and so I was like how can we get that to happen? And how can we get black parents to come? You know, their children come on a bus. They don't always have a way to get here. I talked to the teachers. One of the teachers said she was going to get the bus from her church. She went and picked up students and parents. I talked to some other folk.

Speaker 1:

It was the year that the Hurricanes had won the Stanley Cup. We got some signed banners from the folks with the Hurricanes. We had live auctions, we had silent auctions. I made sure we had something so that every child could go buy something with their own money. So we had a room of used toys and kids could come and buy something for $2 or less. And then I thought you know, our silent auctions are always. I couldn't afford to buy stuff. So I made sure that we had things that were produced by the classrooms, things that were gifts from businesses, things that didn't have to be combined. We had some big gifts but some small. And I told my best friend I said this is going to be the best damn spring fling they ever have. And it was. We raised $9,000 that year, which was more than any other activity had raised for that part of the year. The school was full, it was packed, the library was taken over by the silent auction and then we had some folks who decided they would be the auctioneers and auction off the stuff.

Speaker 1:

But you know, if I had followed the first instinct, we wouldn't have had that event, we wouldn't have made that amount of money for school that year, because I had never done it before. I would have said I can't, I would have been afraid, but I don't say that, I don't use that word. And so I learned that I don't have to be silent If I want to learn how to do something. I can, and so I don't use the word I can't. And because I don't use the words I can, and so I don't use the word I can't, and because I don't use the words I can't, I'm not silent anymore. You've been listening to Quiet no More, where I share my journey, so you can be quiet no more. Let's connect at wwwcarmencawthoncom.