Quiet No More

Honoring Our Elders: The Timeless Value of Respect and Its Impact on Society

• Carmen Cauthen

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Reflecting on the wisdom of our elders, I, Carmen Cauthen, invite you to explore the timeless value of honoring those who came before us. Have you ever wondered how cultures like Japan seamlessly weave respect into their societal fabric? This episode promises to reveal the profound impact these values have on our communities and personal lives. With anecdotes from my own experiences and touching stories about my late mother, we'll unravel the essence of respect and how it shapes our integrity and character, even when faced with challenging relationships.

As we journey further, I'll share insights on instilling mutual respect in our families and schools. How do we navigate the complex waters of respect between children and adults while maintaining a sense of hierarchy? This conversation underscores respect as a foundational pillar for strong families and societies. I encourage you to reflect, engage, and share your perspectives as we discuss the universal principle of respecting our elders and fostering an environment where mutual honor thrives. 

Join me in this thoughtful exploration and let's embark on a path towards a more respectful world.

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Carmen Wimberley Cauthen is an author, speaker, and lover of history, Black history in particular. As a truth teller, she delights in finding the hidden truths about the lives of people who made a difference - whether they were unknown icons or regular everyday people.

To Learn more of Carmen:
www.carmencauthen.com
www.researchandresource.com

Speaker 1:

unseen, unheard. We've lived like that far too long.

Speaker 2:

I'm carmen coffin and this is quiet, no more hi, we're back and I want to talk about something that I am pretty passionate about and that is honoring and respecting people, and I may do two separate sessions on this, but let's start with honor. So what does honor mean? Here's some definitions that I'm going to read to you Showing esteem for one deserving of respect, attention or obedience. Some synonyms of honor are honesty, integrity and probity, and all the words mean uprightness of character or action. But honor suggests an active or anxious regard for the standards of one's profession, calling or position, and so you know those are different things. Profession is the work that you do, calling is the purpose that you're here for, it's the calling on your life, and that doesn't mean necessarily something religious. That means the calling, the purpose that you have, or position. So there's a hierarchy in the world and there are ways to honor those folk who are in the hierarchy.

Speaker 2:

The word that's often translated as honor in the Bible is a Hebrew word. It's kavod K-A-V-O-D, and it means that something has weight, or it's heavy or there's glory to it. It's a central word that's used in the Old Testament and it's used to describe the esteem, the respect and the reverence that's given to people, god or principles, and it can also refer to wealth, and riches, like the most valuable objects during that period of time and still today, are heavy. They have some weight to them, and so I saw this and I thought this was really important to share. No person has ever been honored for what they receive. They are honored and that's the reward for what they give.

Speaker 2:

So I grew up learning to honor and respect my elders, my parents, my grandparents, my parents, my grandparents, the people who were my parents' friends, who, you know, I didn't call them by their first names. I would call them aunt or uncle if they weren't related to me, and that was a title of respect. And so sometimes today, in today's world, I'm called mom or auntie because of the wisdom or the fact that I'm an elder in the community. Now I'm still a baby elder. I'm not an elder elder, but because of my age and the fact that I've lived through some things and I'm able and willing to share and teach things. That oftentimes gives people the feel that they should give me some honor or some respect for that knowledge and that they know that I have character, that I have a good character. They know I'm trustworthy, they know that I'm not going to lead them astray. I'm going to share truth with them, and those are things that are part of reasons why we honor and respect. But I also learned growing up to honor and respect my parents, because they were here to lead and guide me to adulthood, when I could begin to make my own decisions and my own choices.

Speaker 2:

I don't see that as much today in a lot of young people because they haven't seen some of their elders respect others. Respect is something that you command. It's something that grows on you and you can't just expect it from anybody. You should respect and honor your parents and those elders, but people who are not necessarily known to you. How do you respect them? How do you know to respect them? And so one of the ways that is important for me is sharing history, because a lot of times we just respect people because they're older, but a lot of times people don't respect the elders.

Speaker 2:

In the country of Japan, that is a primary principle and a way of status. Elders are honored and respected, they are taken care of, they're important in their society. That has not always translated in America. That was at one period of time, but not so much today. We find a lot of young people who do not respect their elders. They think that because they're old, and old and elder is not the same thing, but because their age is older, that they don't, they're not deserving of respect, they're not deserving of being listened to. That's a principle that we have to teach, and we have to teach that to folks from a young age. So we teach in ways that say to young people, to children you don't call an elder or someone who's older than you by their first name. That's not respectful. And you know, maybe there are some folk out there who don't earn or who have lost the right to be respected as an elder. They may be abusive, they may be alcoholics, they may have other issues substance abuse, they may have mental health issues but they still should be accorded some form of respect, even if your respect takes a note that you back away from them in order to preserve the fact that they are older than you.

Speaker 2:

There's a story in the Bible about a father who got drunk and his sons went in and he was drunk and naked. The sons went in backwards and covered his body so that he would not be seen in that position, so that they would not see him in that position and then they left the room because they respected their father. They knew he made a mistake, he behaved in a manner that wasn't a custom, and so they covered that. They made space for that, and there are obviously some folks that we don't want to make space for. We want to not tolerate those behaviors. But we don't just grow up and start not respecting people because they have age on them, because they have age on them.

Speaker 2:

One of the things that I'm doing is honoring and respecting my mother. My mother has been dead now for almost 10 years God, that's hard to believe and she was an amazing woman. Her name was Cliff Wimberly, cliffornia Grady Wimberly, and she taught me so many things. Now, there were things that she did that I didn't like, that I didn't agree with, but she was my mother and I respected her, and I know that there is something that comes along with honoring and respecting your parents. There is a longevity to life. That's a promise from the Word of God that if you honor and respect your parents, that you will have a long life. And I'm not trying to cut mine off. I'm 65.

Speaker 2:

My elders tend to live to their 80s and 90s. My father's mother was 98 when she died. My mother's mother was 93 when she died. I still have some stuff to do and I still have some purpose left, and so in my baby elder years I have things to do. I'm not trying to disrespect elders so that I cut my days off. They're promised, I want them. So I'm going to suggest to you that that's something you think about doing. If you haven't been respectful of elders because of their age, change that. Make that correction and change. Honor them.

Speaker 2:

In the main, we were born to parents because that was their job was to train us, to raise us up in a manner that would allow us, as we got older, to get respect and honor, and so if you aren't doing that, make a change. Make a change. Now, like I said, I understand that there are parents who may not be the parents that you want to honor, but respect who they are and move out of the way. If that's a problem, there is a way to do both. One of the ways that I wanted to honor my mother for the things that she did and the woman that she was was to make sure that other people honored her. Now, I'm not ever going to tell you that my mother and I did not disagree going to tell you that my mother and I did not disagree, that we did not have some loud arguments that my dad and my children didn't know to get out of the way when those things came. But even in my disagreements with her, I honored the woman that she was and I honor the woman that she is today because there are things that she taught me. She taught me how to speak up, not only for myself but for other people in the community. She taught me how to walk a road of respect. She taught me how to walk a road of knowing who I was.

Speaker 2:

Over the years I have always known that I was a young lady, that there was a certain way I needed to carry myself, to be respected, to be taken seriously. She always let me know that I was smart. In fact, that could be a frustrating thing sometimes to be reminded of how smart I was, to be reminded of how smart I was. I didn't realize the weight of that when I was a child. I recognize the weight of it today because I still have people to come back to me from elementary and middle and high school and college and say but you are always so smart. I always knew you were smart. That's black, white or otherwise and while I didn't recognize how heavy a weight that was, it does allow me now to see that people respect things that I say because they know I am going to be thorough when I am researching and teaching and all of those things.

Speaker 2:

That was one of the things that my mother taught me. She taught me to respect my elders, to look out for them. She taught me, by example, to take care of my grandparents. It wasn't something that she said. This is something you have to do. This is something I saw her do and do with joy bringing them into the home, helping make sure that their finances were settled when they were having trouble, figuring things out, reaching out and taking grandparents to doctor's appointments, making sure that they got to church, that they were able to do the things that they wanted to do towards the end of their life, and that was an important thing. And so I learned how to take care of my elders from watching her do it and from her encouraging me to participate in that. So I remember coming when my mother had to be out of town for work, coming to her house and staying and making sure that my grandmother would get her meals, and sitting and listening to my grandparents tell me stories and knowing that was not the time to interrupt to talk about me. There were other times to talk a bit about me and the things that I was doing, and they were proud of those things as well.

Speaker 2:

But there are ways that we can honor and respect our elders without it being feeling like we're forced to do that. That is a natural tendency. That is a natural hierarchy. Younger folk are not more important than elders. When we begin to age, when we begin to, you know, like I thought when I was 20 that 40 was old. That's not true, and I began to recognize that as I got older. But I was still willing to respect them. Willing to respect them when our children go to school.

Speaker 2:

I was taught to respect my teachers and if there was an issue with the teacher, I didn't take it up with the teacher because that wasn't my responsibility. I went home and I talked about it with my parents and they handled that. And so today we see too many children back talking to teachers. It's not to say that all the teachers are perfect, but there is a hierarchy. There is a way to do things, and we need to continue to teach that that's a manner of honor and that respect goes both ways.

Speaker 2:

If you respect your children, if you respect the young folk who are around you, that you are mentoring, that you are working with, then you respect who they are as you are teaching and training them and you respect yourself enough to stay in character while you're working with them in.

Speaker 2:

And so, while all of this is important, honor and respect are the basics that we should found our families on, and I know that there's somebody's going to come back and say you know, we didn't. When we were enslaved, we were forced to do that. But you know, let me say this I don't know of a society where honor and respect for elders is not important. It is everywhere that I see in Africa, it is everywhere that I see in Europe, it is everywhere that I see on all seven continents, it is everywhere that I see on all seven continents. Youngins are supposed to respect the elders. That is a principle of life, and while there are people and things that cross, that, that is basic, that is a number one foundation, and so I want to encourage you to do that and I want you to start to talk about it with the other folks that you're around. I don't want you to be quiet anymore.

Speaker 1:

You've been listening to Quiet no More where I share my journey, so you can be quiet. Let's connect at wwwcarmencawthoncom, so you can be quiet.