Growth Drivers

Brutal truths every woman needs to hear

• Mike & Rachael Novak

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Most women don’t realize they’re stuck in survival mode—busy, burnt out, and totally disconnected from themselves.

In this episode of Growth Drivers, we’re calling out the patterns of the “asleep woman”—the one who’s doing everything for everyone, but quietly losing herself in the process.

This is the female counterpart to our “Soft to Savage” men’s episode—because the queen must rise too.

We’re sharing:
— How to recognize the signs of emotional burnout, martyrdom, and hidden resentment
— Why “I’m fine” is the most dangerous four-letter word women say
— The difference between weaponizing your emotions vs. owning your power
— How to awaken your inner leader, set boundaries, and stop playing the victim
— What feminine strength really looks like—and how to step fully into it

If you’re done coasting and ready to live with deeper purpose, power, and presence—this one’s for you.

Hit play and wake up. It’s time to rise.

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Transcript
Rachael Novak:
[0:33] Welcome to Growth Drivers Podcast. It's Mike and Rachel Novak.
Introduction to the Female Version
Rachael Novak:
[0:37] Today we are doing a counter podcast to one that we did a couple of weeks ago where we
covered men and going from soft to savage.
Mike Novak:
[0:49] Yeah, there's the female version now.
Rachael Novak:
[0:51] This is the female version. So I want to kind of set the tone a little bit in regards to what this
means because this topic is really going to speak specifically to women who feel really stretched
thin. Maybe they're kind of spiritually numb. Maybe they feel really busy, but not really fulfilled in the
tasks that they're doing. And conversely, men, if you're listening to this, number one, you're
probably going to get some pretty decent insights and share it.
Mike Novak:
[1:21] Yeah, guys, don't turn this off because you're going to get kind of see behind the curtain of a

woman's mind here and you're going to better understand your wife and be able to meet her where
she's at and help her rise as well because obviously going from soft to savage on the man's side is
important right the king must rise right but the king wants the queen to come along with him right

Recognizing the Asleep Woman
Mike Novak:
[1:38] and so that's what we're covering today how do you how do you go together.
Rachael Novak:
[1:41] Exactly right yeah so share this with your wife your sister your daughter your mom you know
she's not broken right she's powerful but she might just be asleep just might not be aware so let's
identify first what an asleep woman looks like because you know with with men we talked about
what does a soft man look like what does a non-awakened man do or look like so same on the
female side what does an asleep woman look like an asleep woman may not really be she's not
going to be lazy or disengaged right she's going to be proactive she's going to be busy looking but
she won't be engaged in like herself necessarily she will be involved in everything else so the kids
the sports the schools the work the people the friends the drama the brunches the everything she's
going to be very very hyper vigilant and all these things but she might not really be in tune with
herself, She's going to be in constant motion, constant caretaking mode. All of it's going to be kind
of controlling everything around her, masked as competence.
Rachael Novak:
[2:51] She's going to maybe weaponize emotions. Maybe she might manipulate, utilize her feelings
or project her feelings and be accusatory in some situations. And she may do that instead of
actually truly connecting with you, if you're her husband, or you may see her do this with other
people in her life. Going to get real. This is the Girl Drivers Podcast, and Novak's Keep It Really
Real.

The Weaponization of Emotion
Rachael Novak:
[3:18] Asleep women use sex transactionally.
Mike Novak:
[3:22] Mm-hmm. Oh, man. Yeah.
Rachael Novak:
[3:27] Does that resonate?
Mike Novak:
[3:29] I definitely, I can't relate to that personally, but I've seen plenty of other men that have realized
that in their wives, yes.

Rachael Novak:
[3:35] They weaponize it. Yeah. Right? They will dole it out when they want something. They will
hold it back if they're feeling rejected or if they're trying to punish.
Mike Novak:
[3:48] It's really leverage.
Rachael Novak:
[3:49] It's totally leverage. That's a tough one, actually, to really come across. Because I think a lot
of women, they're so asleep to the fact that they have that kind of power. and that they're
leveraging that kind of power over their man, that's not love at that point. That's weaponization.
Mike Novak:
[4:05] It's kind of manipulation too.
Rachael Novak:
[4:06] Totally is.
Mike Novak:
[4:07] You know what I mean? You're manipulating somebody by holding out on them.
Rachael Novak:
[4:10] Yeah, totally is. So that's what a sleep woman does. Sleep woman will also expect other
people to meet her needs without communicating clearly. So she will expect somebody to read her
mind and expect somebody to know what she wanted done or expect her kids to read her body
language and then do exactly what she's wanting them to do without actually communicating what
she's trying to do. And then a lot of times, a lot of women might get upset that these unspoken
expectations aren't met, but nobody knew, right? Because we can't read each other's minds.
Mike Novak:
[4:41] Yeah, the mind reader thing definitely came to mind as we were talking about that.
Rachael Novak:
[4:44] Mm-hmm, exactly.

Embracing the Martyrdom
Rachael Novak:
[4:45] This asleep woman is also probably going to feel really burnt out, but also there's a little bit of
a righteous undertone, like a martyrdom in constantly being busy and constantly being the one
taking care of everybody and controlling everything, but it's burnout. Right but she's kind of living
this martyr to kind of lifestyle so you know this this being asleep that doesn't mean that she's weak
that doesn't mean that she's bad that doesn't mean that she's you know negative it just simply
means that she's misusing the strength that she has right like women are powerful the feminine
energy in women is incredibly powerful and And if you're weaponizing, leveraging, manipulating,
controlling, but also in the same breath, kind of being acting as that martyr, you're completely

misusing that strength, right? That's a negative undertone for your utilization of that incredible
power that you wield. So let's talk a little bit about.
Mike Novak:
[5:50] So before you move on, I think I think it's important to emphasize that you're likely not all of
these things.
Rachael Novak:
[5:56] Sure.
Mike Novak:
[5:56] Right. You can probably relate to one or two of them. I think it'd be rare that someone is like,
that's me like hitting the nail on the head for all of these. So like we're not trying to describe an
entire person right now. We're kind of speaking to characteristics of who this person could be. And
you may resonate with one or two of them and you may not as well, you know, but these are just
like things that we've seen and experienced.
Rachael Novak:
[6:17] 100%. Yeah. Thank you for that caveat, because that's absolutely true. There's going to be
there's going to be people who are awake in a lot of areas, but may resonate in one of those
things.
Mike Novak:
[6:25] Right. And the reason I bring that up is because like as you're describing this, I had to hold
my thoughts because I was thinking about my mom until you said sex. And I was like, oh, shit, I
don't want to think about my mom like that. But my mom is like, you know, and I know she listens to
this sometimes. So love you, mom. But she is that like martyr, right? Like and she will like she'll put
herself dead last.
Rachael Novak:
[6:43] Yeah.
Mike Novak:
[6:43] You know, she she just cares so much about her family. She would die for her family. Anything
that the family needs at any point, she is always there. Like when I played football, she didn't miss
a single football game of my entire career.
Rachael Novak:
[6:53] Mm-hmm .
Mike Novak:
[6:53] When I wrestled, she never missed a single wrestling match. Like she was there for
everything. Some nights she'd sleep like two or three hours because she had to go work in the
morning. You know what I mean? So like that person that makes sure that everyone else is taken
care of, but they put themselves last ends up ultimately neglecting themselves.

Rachael Novak:
[7:07] Right? Yes, exactly. Yeah. And, and to that point, you know, I think, I think this resurgence of
understanding, That by putting yourself dead last all the time, like you are inevitably going to burn
out and have so much resentment and have like be in such a tough place personally that, you
know, like what you said, she will die for her family. Right. But like the challenge for women and
now is, will you live for your family?
Mike Novak:
[7:34] Yeah. The martyr is not a badge of honor. Right. It's it's an unfortunate outcome. Right. If
you've if you've mismanaged the process. Right. Like that's kind of what happens if you don't
intentionally make moves to avoid that situation from happening. That's what can actually happen
to you, you know? So like it's all about intentionality

Understanding the Peak and the Pit
Mike Novak:
[7:51] to not get to that place. Because that's not what anyone wants, I don't think, you know?
Rachael Novak:
[7:54] Yeah, that's exactly right. That's exactly right. So, you know, so there's a couple of points that
we're going to kind of go through in regards to how to recognize maybe you're asleep in an area or
somebody that you know is. And then a couple tips, tricks, not tricks, tips, how to get out of it, right?
What to do, what to do to counterbalance that. How to get out of this place of martyrdom, how to
prioritize yourself, right? So, of course, we like to talk about the peak and the pit, right? And peak
being a place of an overwhelming feeling of happiness and success, the pit being a low, low place.
Like, it's rough to walk through. It's slow. It's begrudging. It's really, really tough. So, you know, for a
lot of women, I would consider many parts of their life is they're probably coasting in a lot of areas.
They're just kind of like trying to maintain what the schedules are and their kids' schedules and
their marriage and their friendships and their fitness. And they're kind of just like coasting, like just
trying to maintain as much as they can. They've probably fallen potentially into a little bit of
complacency, right, where they're not being really proactive about things. They're just kind of
reactive to the things that come up every day. Maybe they're proactive in one area, but then
another domain or two, they're really just kind of very complacent. And they're relatively
comfortable, right? And they don't really want to strive for more because they don't want to feel that
struggle, but they know they could do more, but they're not. So it's a tough place to be. And I think,
oh, there's a lot of women that could fall into that pit, depending on which domain we're speaking.
Rachael Novak:
[9:20] But the pit can also look like having it all together. But the pit can look like okay i'm
maintaining all these things and you're super mom because you're you know working out and
you're you know like handling the kids schedules and you're good doing date night and you're
doing these things but are you truly connected to those things or is it just like a surface level of
maintenance that you're doing it's.

Mike Novak:
[9:43] Just a box to track.
Rachael Novak:
[9:43] Exactly right are you just checking these things off as tasks throughout your day and putting
them in your stories on instagram so that you can show that you're doing all these things like that
can be a pit, right? That's just having it all together, doing all these things. A lot of times women will
settle in that, right? When chaos, and I've actually personally experienced this, when chaos feels
safer than calm, right? When we have gone through seasons of absolute chaos, we thrive in chaos.
And it took us many, many years getting out of a constant survival mode instinct and the constant
fight or flight mode to actually feel like, okay, this is what calm feels like this is what proactive days
and intentional action feels like it's not just living by the seat and maintaining all the things and
controlling and you know at the same time coasting it's like when chaos

Thriving in Chaos
Rachael Novak:
[10:39] feels safer than calm for some women they feel like they're thriving but they're barely
surviving.
Mike Novak:
[10:45] It becomes addicted almost like they get they start to really they don't intentionally do it but
they end up kind of craving that chaos.
Rachael Novak:
[10:51] They like.
Mike Novak:
[10:52] Being in the storm.
Rachael Novak:
[10:53] A hundred percent. Yeah. I mean, it's like when, like you kind of mentioned before, like when
busyness, when being busy or being the martyr becomes like a badge of honor and victimhood
kind of becomes that identity and not saying that they are a victim or they're acting like one, but it's
when you, you're identifying as like this busyness, this chaos is safer for me and better and just
maintaining and coasting. I'm just busy all the time. When that becomes a safer place and
becomes your identity, you can't be a hero in your own life. You can't be the CEO. You can't be the
CEO of your life. CEOs are proactive and intentional. And when it's a constant state of chaos and
maintenance, you're kind of a victim to your own cycles of that, maintaining all that, right? So my tip
to kind of wake up to this, if this resonates at all, if you're feeling like, yeah, I am just kind of going
through emotions and these tasks and I'm trying to be intentional, but it's really hard because I'm
stuck in this inertia of stuff to do in these tasks and boxed check. Start tracking every time you tell
somebody that you're fine and it's fine how many times i mean so many women i know like how are
you doing how things went oh i'm fine it's the most.

Mike Novak:
[12:05] Dangerous four-letter word there is that starts with an f.
Rachael Novak:
[12:08] Right like like this is where you know again we're gonna we're gonna play into how we live
which is like real truths right Right. Like, what is the real fact of how you're doing? Are you fine? Or
are you maybe lonely? Or are you not as productive in all your busyness?
Mike Novak:
[12:28] Why do men and women both struggle just to answer that question, honestly?
Rachael Novak:
[12:32] I think that.
Mike Novak:
[12:34] Like, it's not like men or women. It's both. Like, everyone wants to. I don't know if it's an
unwillingness to be vulnerable and share that they're not actually okay. Or if they don't want to
admit to themselves that they're not all right. Like it's, it's probably a combination of both those
things, you know, but that's like a defensive mechanism when they say it. Cause they usually say it
in this like weird voice. Like I'm fine. I'm fine. It's fine.
Rachael Novak:
[12:57] Yeah.
Mike Novak:
[12:57] And you can like cut the tension with a knife as they're saying it. And you're like, you look like
the house is burning down right now. And like, you're running around like a crazy person. What's
really going on? Yeah, exactly.
Rachael Novak:
[13:05] No, I think it's a rare and refreshing occasion when you see someone and you ask how
they're doing and they say, you know, I'm having a really rough day. Or I'm like, I'm struggling a little
bit with this. Like, I think I think the reason that women do it especially, but probably both men and
women is number one, it's a little bit embarrassing. Like you are society's condition people to think
that you should be ashamed of having like real feelings or a rough day or experiencing the lows of
life that everybody experiences. But number two, they don't want to burden other people.
Mike Novak:
[13:39] Yeah, I've seen that for sure.
Rachael Novak:
[13:40] Right. They don't want to burden other people with their problems. And it's like, well, I asked.
You're not burdening me, right? Like, then that's what we have to get to in the society and with our
friends and with our peers and our colleagues and our teammates and our people that we're
around.

The Struggle of Authenticity
Rachael Novak:
[13:52] It's like, we have to be okay with having really authentic conversations. And when I ask a
question, like, hey, how are you doing? Like, are you okay? Fucking tell me. Like, tell me. Don't tell
me you're fine. Because the second somebody says, oh, yeah, I'm fine. I'm great. I'm like, oh, well,
that conversation's over. Like, we're not going anywhere with this, right?
Mike Novak:
[14:08] Do you think sometimes people think that you don't really care and that's why they don't
answer it?
Rachael Novak:
[14:12] Possibly, yeah. Yeah. And that could be like a voice in the story they're telling themselves.
Mike Novak:
[14:15] Right. Because, you know, a lot of people like just that aren't even like really good friends
with you necessarily. They're going to ask you that when they see like, hey, how you doing? Right.
And everyone's just they're they're conditioned to reflexively say like, I'm fine. Everything's good.
Yeah. Because it's just like this this courtesy brush off that occurs in society versus someone who's
like legitimately your friend or your spouse or your family member that's asking like, no, how are
you doing? Like, what's really going on? Like, how are you? I want to know how you're doing. You
see the difference?
Rachael Novak:
[14:40] Of course. Yeah. And I think that, I think a lot of times I will, I will tend to like take people off
guard because I will answer truthfully. So like, you know, people are like, how are you doing? I'm
like, you know, I'm having kind of a rough day. They're like, they don't know what to do with this
answer. You know, they're like, oh, I'm sorry. You know?
Mike Novak:
[14:57] Yeah, I was just getting my hair cut, and Steve the barber goes, how you doing, man? I'm
like, well, I had the most fucked up three weeks of my life. I threw out a disc in my back. I haven't
been able to sit down for a couple of weeks, and I slept 45 minutes a night for 12 days straight. So,
I'm here. Am I doing good? No. This is your spot. This is your spot. All right. Yeah.
Rachael Novak:
[15:17] I mean, like, but when you live at that level of authenticity, like you don't have to like people
just they believe you. They know that you're being completely authentic. There's there's no beating
around the bush. There's no like undertone of what's intent. What's the intention here? It's like
there. It's such a clear representation of exactly who you are. And I think that's that's why we've
chosen to continue to be around people who are just living really authentically because it cuts down
all the bullshit time. Of talking about the weather or all this like bullshit surface stuff and we just say
like let's get to what is really going on because what's going on in my head my personal narrative
what I'm thinking what I'm doing what I'm going through like that's that's still there even if I'm having

a superficial conversation about the weather so why don't we just actually talk about what is going
on right so that's what my so every time you say it's fine I'm fine start tracking at think about it turn
that into am i is this and it might change how you're answering those questions so so waking up
okay so if you're asleep or you're on or you're coasting in an area or you're feeling like there is
complacency settling in or like you're just checking boxes to kind of check boxes and like maintain
in a couple of areas how how do how do women wake up out of this.
Mike Novak:
[16:38] You're asking me? I was hoping you were going to tell me. All right, all right. I'll tell you.
Rachael Novak:
[16:43] So a couple of things. It's most of the time, similarly to men, I think we talked about this in
the men's podcast. It's often triggered by some sort of pain, some sort of betrayal or massive
burnout.
Rachael Novak:
[16:57] And this is when we see, you know, a lot of, I think we talked about the men too, a lot of the
midlife crisis or the kids move out of the house and the women have been checking these boxes for
so long, they finally kind of wake up to the fact that they're not really sure they have a great
relationship with their husband anymore. Or they have been utilizing sex as a weapon and have
been holding out for some weird emotional connection or manipulation for a really long time or
they've been the martyr you know falling on the sword of their kids schedules and falling on the the
sports and being there for everybody and being like the hero mom to these people but really inside
haven't been doing the work themselves and all of a sudden they wake up like holy shit like what
what what what is what am i doing like what's what am i about what am i for and i think that that's a
really that's a really tough place for women to get to and to wait that long to have the realization to
wake up about an intentional life when that whole time there could be examples being set for the
kids right there could be relationships being built with the kids that are real and raw and authentic
so i think i think unfortunately this wake-up call out of this kind of a sleep coasting potentially
complacency pattern And the disruption is like a betrayal or a pain point or a burnout.
Mike Novak:
[18:17] Yeah. I mean, if you ask me, like, what do I see for women? Like, I see that that happens
typically over like some kind of extreme dissatisfaction with what's become like it's a realization that
their marriage is either completely empty or that they are like 50 pounds overweight and they're like
they've done nothing about it. Like it takes like, like something like that, you know, where they're
like extremely dissatisfied, where they're like actually motivated enough to get real with themselves
and say, hey, something has to change. You know what I mean? So it's that realization. It's that like,
you know, it's something massive happening.
Rachael Novak:
[18:48] Yeah. I think like one of the biggest, you know, on this note, like one of the biggest changes
in mentality that you and I have had over the last couple of years is the ability to empathize with the
other one. Right. Because for almost like knee jerk reaction for a lot of men and women, it will get
like combative when it comes to, oh, like people will scorekeep. Right. Like, well, you did this and I

do this and you handled that and I did this. And like it becomes this like, well, I did and you did and
like a scorekeeping kind of situation. And when you stop for a second and actually walk, if I walk in
your shoes and I go, what did he do? What did he accomplish? What's weighing on him today?
What is he carrying emotionally or mentally or physically?
Rachael Novak:
[19:33] I don't know or I don't think about unless I get out of my own brain for a second. And when I
am able to do that and empathize with you, like I am able to show up differently, right? Like it was
very hard to see you over the last couple of weeks be in so much pain. And I come home and I
couldn't do anything about it. So it's just my thought, okay, what can I do? Okay, I can help you with
meals. I can help, you know, what, what can I make for you? You know, like what, how can I help? I
can't take away the pain. I can't like, you know, roll you out on a foam roller, but like, What can I do,
right? And whereas in a different season of life, it might be annoying or it might be frustrating that
you're not getting the same things done, right? So I think the ability for women to get outside of
themselves, empathize with their man, especially in the moments where you feel like you're not
understanding where they're coming from, right? Being able to put myself in your shoes and try to
see where you're coming from on things is incredibly helpful because it creates that empathy
instead of blame, right? It removes any blame from the equation and now I have empathy for what
you're doing.
Mike Novak:
[20:36] I think a big dynamic to unlocking that empathy is not necessarily coming at it from a
perspective of needing to be a solution to the problem as well. And just like being there to hear
what the person's got to say. Like I used to think like you're telling me this problem because you
want a solution and actually you didn't want a solution. You just wanted me to hear what was on
your mind and your heart. You know what I mean? And so I think a lot of guys are like, especially
like the savage man, like we fuck and we solve problems. You know what I mean? Like that's, that's
what we do every single day, all day long. And so if you got a problem, let's bring it on. Let's fix this
problem. Right. And that's not what you really want.
Rachael Novak:
[21:07] Most of the time I just want you to listen to me and then I want you to hug me. Okay. That's
all I need. Yeah. And, but it's communicating that. So, and same thing with women, right? If you're
in a position where you don't need a solution, you are totally capable. Us women are totally fucking
capable. We're very powerful. We know what to do. We know how to handle things. And when
we're sharing something, it may come off sometimes like we're bitching about it or we're
complaining about it. And so to be able to convey, hey, I don't need a solution. I just need an ear.
That's a really powerful saying. And that's, that's something that's very tangible for your husband or
your brother or whoever it is that you're, you know, in communication with to understand and
accept. Right. Whereas if you're not clearly communicating what it is that you need and you're
expecting them to read your mind on what they are supposed to do now, like you're going to have
some friction.
Mike Novak:
[21:56] So guys, the, the takeaway here is ask your wife how she's really doing. And then when she

answers, shut up.
Rachael Novak:
[22:02] And then hug her and squeeze her butt.
Mike Novak:
[22:04] Just listen. Yeah.
Rachael Novak:
[22:08] Tangible tip on this one that I have actually done before is when you're in one of these
situations where I'm not understanding where you're coming from, Michael, right? Okay, we're
saying something, but we're not saying something. I will literally write out where you could be
coming from. This is what I'm hearing him say. And if I write it down and then I read it back to
myself, sometimes I hear it in a different tone. I hear it from you. So that might be a really good
option for some women. to like write down what it is that you heard them say write down what they
actually said read it back to yourself and be able to is are they coming from a place like am i taking
this a certain way from outside of their intention.
Mike Novak:
[22:49] That's why stacking is so valuable like especially daily stacking is because it gives you that
that ability to write out what is the story you're telling yourself about whatever given situation is
happening and then of course it asks you what are the facts and the next question is what are the
feelings you have about this you know what i mean? Like, so you're, you're able to actually get
some clarity into what's really happening. And 90% of the time you realize that the story you're
telling yourself is a bunch of bullshit.
Rachael Novak:
[23:13] Right.
Mike Novak:
[23:13] I mean, it's not backed by fact at all. It's based off of a lot of assumptions usually.
Rachael Novak:
[23:17] Exactly. So assumptions and emotions for sure. Yeah. So once you've, you know, kind of
gone through this, okay, I've, I've addressed like maybe this area that I'm asleep and I can
recognize this pattern. And now I'm like maybe waking up a little bit. Maybe I'm seeing, I'm seeing
these things. I'm recognizing I'm able to actually stop in the moment, have some empathy with the
conversation or situation or communicate very clearly what I'm actually asking, it's time to really tap

into your inner being, right? Because this is where women do not slow down enough in their day-to-
day life to actually connect with what they're feeling, what they're wanting, and identify the feelings

or the emotions they're having. Like you said, separate those from facts. So, you know, when
you're asleep, subconsciously, like subconsciously, when you're kind of asleep,

Awakening the Inner Being

Rachael Novak:
[24:01] you're really in self-centered survival mode, right? Like there's nobody else that you're really
thinking of. You're just focused on the next thing. You're focused on the next tasks, the next day,
what needs to happen, your part in that. That's it. So it's ironically, it's probably not even about you.
You're probably not even addressing your needs. You're addressing everybody else's, but it's still a
survival mode, right?
Mike Novak:
[24:22] Yeah. It's like living to survive the day.
Rachael Novak:
[24:24] Yes.
Mike Novak:
[24:25] Instead of like having this like master plan and vision for your life and taking a step towards it
each day. Like there's a huge difference between those two things.
Rachael Novak:
[24:33] That's exactly right. Right. And then when you wake up, when you become awake.
Rachael Novak:
[24:37] Now you are in the driver's seat and you can co-create, right? Like you are now, like you
said, putting out this path in front of you and you're able to take proactive steps while also
maintaining all these things because women are damn powerful while maintaining all these things
and pushing the overarching agenda of your life forward towards your mission, right?
Rachael Novak:
[24:56] You're able to utilize more intuitive leadership and you're able to help bring your partner
along and utilize empathy with your kids and with your spouse and with your friends and bring them
with you right so that's an awake woman is if when you see kind of intuitive leadership now with
feminine power so like you kind of said savage men are fucking loud like they are they're bold they
are loud they want to solve problems they get they get shit done and a lot of women are that way
too the the ironic part I think especially over the last 20 years of how I've watched feminism kind of
morph into this like masculine tough I don't need a man energy like I personally resonate with the
femininity and what the feminists of like maybe the early 2000s the 90s where a true feminist is not
loud and she's not obnoxious and she's not annoying and she's not in your face but she fucking
resonates she like i i stacked with to you this morning right like a man like the the loud savage
partner man can build the house and he can create the frame and he can put the roof on it and he
puts the siding on the woman goes in and she makes it a home she brings in the love she.
Rachael Novak:
[26:09] Decorates it she sets it up nicely she keeps it warm and cozy and smelling good right that's
that's the power of a woman that's the feminine power of a woman is to be able to resonate that
energy throughout not just be loud and boisterous and upfront right and then the last part of kind of
tapping into your inner being and this is something i had to learn is that receiving accepting help,
delegating utilizing leverage isn't weakness and being soft being connected especially with your

spouse isn't like a surrender it's not it's also not weak, I love that as a woman, I can be tough in the
workplace and yet still hold my femininity, right? Because feminine energy is very strong. And then I
can come home and be soft and fall into your arms as a woman and surrender. And it's not
weakness, right?

The Power of Feminine Support
Mike Novak:
[27:03] It's comfort.
Rachael Novak:
[27:04] It's love. And that's powerful, right? Those two energies together are very powerful.
Mike Novak:
[27:08] Yeah, no, absolutely.
Rachael Novak:
[27:09] So I want to talk a little bit about how, playing on that a little bit, how feminine strength is
support and not subservience, right? And by support, I mean, like, obviously, I'm a participant, I
contribute financially, I work in the business, I manage parts of the business. So there's certainly no
level of subservience that I've ever experienced in our life. But there's a lot of women who may not
make as much money as their husband, or they don't work as much as their husband, or they're a
stay at home mom, and they get to support their family and work in the home and work as a mom,
which is managing a company, We just had that conversation this morning where you're managing
children and scheduling all these things. That is a company. That's the same thing as managing a
company. You just happen to not really get paid for it. So that kind of energy, that feminine strength
and support, it's not subservient. That support of strength. If you look up the definition of what
support means, it's typically holding something up that is very strong. You've got support beams in
the framing of a helm. You've got support structures underneath 100 foot skyscrapers like those are
all called support so when we think about a woman and her feminine powerful energy being in a
support role there's nothing subservient about it it's simply you are allowing and creating and
resonating in a space to allow your partner to also be great in a different way that resonate at all.
Mike Novak:
[28:36] Yeah no i I mean, it's what we were talking about this morning, you know, and I think that the
key to this in a relationship, like beyond just the female, is communication with your partner. Like,
what are the expectations on both sides of us? Because remember when I met you 20 years ago,
you were a bank teller, right? And I told you, I don't care if you ever work a day in your life.
Rachael Novak:
[28:53] Yeah.
Mike Novak:
[28:53] You can be a trophy wife for all I care about. Like, I'll go make all the money.

Rachael Novak:
[28:56] Can we go back on that?
Mike Novak:
[28:57] We're not renegotiating that now, by the way. But, you know, I told you, I was like, I don't
care if you make any money. That's my job. You know what I mean? That's my role. And our roles
have evolved, obviously, over 20 years and three kids and three businesses. But it's still, you know,
it's been a conversation and communication. It's, you know, about what do you do and how do you
contribute. And the expectations and contribution are very different between what we each do. Like,
we both own a part of our life, you know what I mean? And neither are more important than the
other. It's just important that there's communication on what you're each going to do, what you're
going to own. Exactly. Otherwise, you'd build resentment, you know what I mean?
Rachael Novak:
[29:28] Yes, it's exactly right.
Mike Novak:
[29:29] Because, again, things go unsaid and unspoken. And so then they're assumed.
Rachael Novak:
[29:32] Yep, 100%. So the last part of this, especially if you're a mom, okay, so we're waking up,
we're coming to these understandings, we're utilizing that deep empathy that we all have, we're
increasing our emotional intelligence with our family, we are increasing the conversation and the
communication

Leading the Family with Intention
Rachael Novak:
[29:49] with our spouses, we're becoming awake, right? We're co-creating this life, we're living with
intention. So how do we actually lead our family, right? We talked about the men in the Soft to
Savage podcast, leading their family and how they do that. Women, we need to do that same thing.
Like just because Michael leads our family doesn't mean that I don't also lead our family. We have
different strengths, we have different roles, we have different AORs, which is areas of responsibility
for those of you who don't know our acronyms. But how do you lead your family and then not lose
yourself? So number one, of course, us women, we typically set the emotional tone of the home,
right if mom's pissed off and she comes home all worked up everybody's on edge if mom comes
home and she's loving and she's caring and she is laughing and she is safe there is a calm in the
home would you agree yeah absolutely it's.
Mike Novak:
[30:44] A good thing you're more even.
Rachael Novak:
[30:45] Keel than i am exactly yes but it's like it's it's taken a ton of intention right like so you as a
woman like your nervous system, how you show up, your responses to things. You teach your kids

how to regulate their nervous systems, right? So as a woman, you have to set the emotional tone
of the home. You have to be very aware of the energy that you're walking into the home with,
because if your energy resonates, and if you are the emotional heart of this home, then how you
show up matters, especially to your kids. I'm going to say this next one, and I mean it with the
utmost respect for all these women out here who might be listening to this. For the love of God,
partner with your man. Do not parent your man.
Mike Novak:
[31:31] Yes. If you want to kill a marriage really, really fast or kill the sex life really, really fast, mom,
your husband.
Rachael Novak:
[31:39] 100%. How many times have I told you in our marriage, like you make some decision or
you're doing something, you're on a new food kick or you're found a new supplement that you're
loving. And the kids kind of look at me like, oh, mom, like, you know, what? I'm like, I'm not his
mom. I'm his wife. I'm going to let him do what he's going to do. I'm not going to parent him. Right?
Like the worst thing that you can do, ladies, is parent your husband. He doesn't need another mom.
He doesn't need a mom in you. He needs a wife, a partner.
Mike Novak:
[32:12] It will build massive resentment.
Rachael Novak:
[32:13] A hundred percent. So if you catch yourself nagging at him or telling him that you know
better in some area, like knock it off. He's not subservient to you he is not your kid he is not another
child and he's acting like one pull him aside separately from your children and have a deep
conversation about that but if he's not freaking don't freaking parent him and then the last one in
regards to how to kind of set the tone how to lead your family is lead by embodying all these traits
be this person live in integrity.
Rachael Novak:
[32:48] Be, have that emotional regulation. Be consistent. Be reaching for your goals and dreams
and what you're wanting to do and be very vocal about them. Last night we had a conversation with
our kids actually about the use of AI in school. It's kind of a big topic right now. And, you know, the
kids, two of them got caught using it. The other one did not. She was using it for formatting or
whatever. And so I you know had have chats with all the teachers about how that's not okay we're
not using it or write our papers and like have this conversation and I made them each promise me
that they were going to live in full integrity and absolutely not do it because if I'm going to go and
I'm going to you know stick up for them and say no my kids do not do this and they have given me
their word they don't and they will not be doing this at all and I can guarantee that I I can't go to bat
for them unless they live in integrity with me, right? So I made them embody that. And the reason I
felt so sure, like so 100% confident that I can get them to give me that promise of their integrity is
because they know I live in that integrity.

Mike Novak:
[33:59] Right. You set the example.
Rachael Novak:
[34:00] Exactly. I embody everything I'm asking them to do. I don't do something and then live a
certain other way, right? Like I am exactly who I am all the time. They see that day in and day out.
That's a really, really important part. So let's just, let's kind of go toward the wrap here. So we're
leading our family. We're doing all these things. How do you rise into your power while protecting
your energy, ladies?
Rachael Novak:
[34:23] This is tale of the ages for us women is putting boundaries in place. How are we going to
expect our children to know how to set boundaries themselves?

Setting Boundaries for Greatness
Rachael Novak:
[34:34] How is our husband going to know how and when to communicate to us if we do not have
them? Boundaries aren't walls that we put up in defense. They're not walls that we put in between
our marriages, but they are guardrails for greatness, right? So I know we've talked quite a bit about
rules in our marriage and things that we, the boundaries that we set in our marriage with
communication. Same thing with our kids, right? Like my kids talk back to me, they say something
rude to me that like I let them know immediately what my boundaries are and what I will accept in
regards to communication from them, right? They are guardrails for greatness and they're not just
for you, they're for everybody around you. If you're putting in place boundaries for how people treat
you, how they communicate with you, how they talk to you, not only is that going to improve your
life, but it's going to improve the relationships that you have with other people. And then on that
note, saying no to things. Ladies, you have to be okay with not being liked. Sometimes you have to
be okay with missing out on things.
Mike Novak:
[35:34] Women struggle with this one a lot more than men. Women are always people pleasers.
Rachael Novak:
[35:37] Totally like.
Mike Novak:
[35:38] They just they want to say yes to everything.
Rachael Novak:
[35:40] Even if they like.
Mike Novak:
[35:40] At their core do not want to do something.

Rachael Novak:
[35:42] Exactly and it's like this is another example of okay i i was invited to go to this baby shower i
was invited to go to these whatever these things i don't really want to go and women will go
anyways out of guilt it's like what are you doing this is your life if you don't want to go it's okay like
you don't have to be rude but say so sorry i can't make it like this is you don't owe anybody an
explanation for what you want to do in your life that is a boundary you're setting in order to continue
your path of greatness to whatever intention mission that you're trying to accomplish. But so many
women will say yes to everything. So say no with peace in your heart that that is what you want to
do, not guilt for not doing what somebody else wants you to do.
Mike Novak:
[36:24] So the simple filter then is, is this in alignment with what I truly want to do or not?
Rachael Novak:
[36:28] That's exactly right.
Mike Novak:
[36:29] That's simple, right?
Rachael Novak:
[36:30] It's exactly right. 100%.

Collaboration Over Comparison
Rachael Novak:
[36:32] Last part, I really want to hammer this in because I think that it's gotten better, at least in my
world, and maybe that's because of who I surround myself with, but really the collaboration over
comparison with other women, right? We look at other women and ladies, especially on social
media, like we're looking at these women and what we do is we take a tiny portion of 10 different
women and the strengths of all of those 10 women and we hold ourselves to the standard of
becoming all of those strengths. And that's fucking unrealistic. Okay, that's completely unrealistic.
I'm going to look at her over here. I want her arms. I want her legs. I want her ability to dance. I
want her ability to make amazing crafts. And I want over here, oh, she's got these, this beautiful
eyelash, whatever, right? Like all these different things. And this is what we do in social media.
We'll look at all these other different women and be like, oh, I want to do that like her and that like
her and that like her. And then we literally start feeling so bad about ourselves because we're not
meeting this unspoken expectation that we're now putting on ourselves of becoming these 10
different women in these different areas. Like the fuck are you doing?
Rachael Novak:
[37:40] Remember, like you have strength in what you do. Like what is your passion? what are you
good at that's where you strive that's where that's where you you put energy that's where you live
like CEOs like women who really own their shit they know the thing that they're good at we don't
compete with each other when I see somebody else who's phenomenal at something like I have a
couple of friends who are really good at marketing right met with a friend this week phenomenal

marketing has totally cracked the code as a huge Instagram following and instead of being like oh
well i'm like tell me your secrets like i want to know everything like teach me your ways right like
this isn't about competition this is about collaboration like this woman can teach me things and
conversely i probably have things that i can teach her like this is how we create a community and
an environment of women who are friends and who get along and aren't petty or catty or talk
behind each other's backs it's like that's.
Mike Novak:
[38:33] A really big struggle for a lot of women though.
Rachael Novak:
[38:35] It is again.
Mike Novak:
[38:36] Again i think you know not to be sexist here but i think women struggle with this one a lot
more.
Rachael Novak:
[38:39] Than men they do and.
Mike Novak:
[38:41] They think like their their default is you know that if some other woman is winning at
something that means that they're not.
Rachael Novak:
[38:47] You know what i mean and.
Mike Novak:
[38:48] They can't just be happy for them and then also ask themselves like hey what can i actually
learn from this person.
Rachael Novak:
[38:52] Well that's exactly right you know it's like like in one breath the woman will be like well you
know iron sharpens iron and like yeah we make each other better and in the next breath they're like
jealous or they're feeling low because this other woman won or did something great or had found
some success. And like, please stop it, girls. Stop it. If somebody else achieved success, number
one, be really fucking happy for them because they probably worked in the shadows for that for a
really long time. And number two, ask them how they did it. Ask them what traits that they had to
adopt to become that person who got to accomplish that or experience that. Like, this is a positive
thing, right? I love this quote that I saw recently that was, I'm going to get it wrong now, of course,
and I'm not thinking about it. But essentially, like somebody accomplishing something takes, no, I
lost it. I'm reminded to come out of that one. But anyways.
Mike Novak:
[39:44] I'm sure it was good.

Rachael Novak:
[39:45] It was so good. Yeah. Like we're keeping this real good.
Mike Novak:
[39:47] What about, you know, something you haven't talked about yet is like what we talked maybe
just briefly on the edges about this, but what men can do to help their women rise up and wake up
as well too. I think we should just cover that before we wrap this up. You know, I think like, I'd love
to hear your perspective, but I think that the single biggest thing that men can do is to set the
example for their wives, right? Like be, be a man that is disciplined and focused and that
commands respect. You know what I mean? Like they don't demand it, they command it. There's a
really big difference there. You know what I'm saying?
Rachael Novak:
[40:15] 100% well it takes me back to 2009 when we had maya it was a rough i mean rough year in
business and all that stuff but i'm thinking specifically in the body.
Mike Novak:
[40:26] Rough year is an understatement.
Rachael Novak:
[40:28] Um but you know i was really overweight after having maya and i really was like living in this
like total victim martyrdom like this exact kind of a sleep world where i just thought my whole life i
had to be completely revolved on this little baby and everything i was doing was for her and all
these treats that I was making was for her who couldn't even eat them even though I was eating
them and so I was you know with 40 pounds overweight and you'd come home and I was just just
like blubbering like oh my god like what where did my sexy dating girlfriend go what is this in my
house and you started going to the gym you started working out you got really proactive about your
schedule a couple months before I did and you didn't really say much at first but you kind of were
just like hey like, if you're ever interested, maybe you could try it.
Mike Novak:
[41:16] We could run together.
Rachael Novak:
[41:18] And it just kind of like nudged me that direction. Right. And you did it in a really good way at
that point, because it didn't ever felt like you were guilting me into it or making me feel shitty about
myself, but you definitely like inspired me to go try it. And then of course, like kind of the rest is
history, right? Like 16 years later now we're quite fit and in shape and all that. And we do that, but.
Mike Novak:
[41:38] Right. Yeah. Some of the things I was thinking like, like in bodybuilding, right? Like I got like
hardcore into bodybuilding. You're like kind the curious like i think i.
Rachael Novak:
[41:43] Kind of want to do that now and.

Mike Novak:
[41:44] It ended up kind of like opening your eyes to that or in business like you had no business
background and then you kind of saw what i do in business you're like i think i kind of want that.
Rachael Novak:
[41:50] You know i mean so.

Awakening Together as Partners
Mike Novak:
[41:51] Just kind of being that example to the wife i think is really important.
Rachael Novak:
[41:54] Yeah i think the other part too men you know if you if especially if your woman tends to
weaponize emotions at you right if if there's if there's a gatekeeping that she does with her own
emotions in her own heart it's not because of you it's because of her and so continuing to just love
on her as hard as that is and continuing to show her affection and tell her you love her like there's
there's this this women go through this these phases of you know curiosity and then disbelief and
then skepticism and the defensiveness but after all of those like self-limiting beliefs all these stages
of self-limiting beliefs that women go through in regards to like accepting this kind of affection and
emotion and connective or connection they will believe it if it's still there and i think that's that's like
most men, aren't don't have the grit to get through all those phases for a woman who is asleep but
if you do and you love her and you want her like get through those phases of the skepticism the
defensiveness all these things and she will wake up at the end of those and there will be
connection and it will be deep and it will be real.
Mike Novak:
[43:08] And when you've both been awakened together, that's when things get pretty cool. It's worth
the journey to the other side, right?
Rachael Novak:
[43:14] It's super rad. Exactly right. So yeah, good point. Thank you for bringing that up. So you
don't become a CEO. You don't become a woman who owns her life and leads with intention and is
all these amazing things by doing more, right?

A Call to Action for Women
Rachael Novak:
[43:27] And you have to become somebody different. You have to shed things. You have to unlearn.
You have to become something more. So ladies, let's wake up. Let's rise up. Let's lead our families.
Let's lead our businesses. Let's lead ourselves with some courage and some connection and some
clarity. And with love.
Mike Novak:
[43:51] See you next week.

Rachael Novak:
[43:52] See you next week.