82. Glow-Up & Show Up

What does a real glow-up actually look like?

In this episode, we break down our physical, emotional, and sexual glow-ups—what changed, what didn’t, and what actually made the difference. From confidence and self-worth to attraction, intimacy, and better sex, we get honest about the work behind the transformation.

If you’re on your own glow-up journey and want more confidence, deeper connection, and stronger sexual energy, this one’s for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:12

This is the literal truth.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

The podcast where we sit around naked and talk about sex, dating, and relationships. Welcome to the podcast, guys. I just said I'm gonna open this one up and Ryan's gonna hang with me. And I said, what way are you gonna what way are you hanging? And he said, to the left. Oh we understand each other. Okay. Today we're gonna talk about glow-ups. And you're like, what does this have to do with anything? Um, but I think it does have to do with bridge one attraction. You have three steps physical, sexual, and personal. And we actually looked up the definition of a glow-up, because we know what it is, but like, hey, what is what is I'm always interested to see what Google thinks about whatever or or what what actual definitions are. I look up definitions all the time. So we looked up the definition of a glow-up, and I am I'm actually glad we did, because it's a little deeper than what I was thinking, right?

SPEAKER_05 1:28

So it's more far-reaching, it's not just uh I washed my face today.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

Yeah, and and it does take all three steps of the attraction bridge. So this is kind of a yes, it's an episode about glow-ups, but it's an episode about bridge one, attraction.

SPEAKER_05 1:44

Which is also on our mind because we just did our first webinar on the seven bridges, and it's about a bridge of attraction.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

So I'm gonna read um the definition and what Google says about this, and then we're gonna talk about the glow-ups that you and I have feel that we've experienced.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

And uh yeah, if this is just a fun episode that you can think of, you know, what ways do you feel you've glowed up? Is that how you say glowed up? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:14

Glowed or glowed. What's the best?

SPEAKER_02 2:16

We're gonna say glowed up. And what ways do what what do you think you can do to uh what prepare to cross the bridge of attraction with someone else? Right. If you're in the dating arena, or hell, if you are partnered and there's not a lot of fire going on, you know, you might you might want to do s suggest some remodeling on bridge one happen.

SPEAKER_05 2:43

But yeah, and and that's the thing. I mean, is uh it's this is something you could do. Hopefully, I mean this will give you some ideas too. Because as we've started preparing for this, you wrote some things down and I wrote some things down, and some of the some of those things well when we went through the definition, actually, we thought of a few things that we probably wouldn't have thought about if we were only thinking about purely physical stuff.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

Right. So here's what the definition says a glow-up is a slang term for a significant positive transformation, often in physical appearance, confidence, or overall lifestyle, involving self-improvement through healthy habits like skincare, fitness, new style, and mental well-being, not just external changes. So some of these key aspects of a glow-up does include, primarily when people think of a glow-up, they think of physical appearance, improving your look through skincare, makeup, hair, and fashion choices that make you feel good. There is a mental and emotional growth aspect of this, though, building self-love, confidence, and changing your mindset, often by reading or learning new things. And then there's lifestyle changes, adopting healthier habits like regular exercise, better sleep, or developing new hobbies. It's an overall transf transformation, it's it's a holistic change, not just superficial, focusing on feeling better from the inside out. I love that because I totally feel that with the glow-up that I've been through.

SPEAKER_05 4:14

Yeah, same for me. I mean, I feel that too. And it's interesting as we started talking about these things and and listing things out. There it was just always this, oh, there's that, and there's that, and there's that, and it all built into we may be forgetting other things. They might come up over talking about it.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

I'm sure we are. So I'm gonna share some of the stuff just a little bit, not you know, completely give away our attraction webinar here, but just a couple of things from our webinar that could be, you know, helpful to note. And one of the things that we said is that you'd be surprised at how many current couples you know didn't cross bridge one.

SPEAKER_05 4:53

Yeah, did not cross the bridge of attraction.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

And what happens if you don't? And so it because some people can be like, God, people are shallow, you know, like physical, sexual, and it's a big thing.

SPEAKER_05 5:03

You have a whole relationship to build around you. You're worried about attraction, you know. Right, right. And when I came up with the seven bridges, that was one of the things I would hear from some people when they wanted to start using it. It's like, well, attraction's not that important to me, you know, or uh one person I talked about.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

It's selfish, it's shallow. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_05 5:21

So I'm just gonna breeze past it really quickly. In fact, one example is somebody who was s dead set on she had to date people over six feet tall, and then she kept coming up with these guys who are five'9, and I'd be like, What are you doing? And she's like, Well, maybe it's not that important. And I said, Right, he's not gonna grow. He's 50 years old, he's not gonna grow for you physically. He's not gonna get any taller. Right, right. You already know this is a deal breaker for you. What the hell does the rest of it matter? And that may sound shallow, but if that is, she always said, and right, and in in 100% of those cases, she'd still try with those five, nine guys, and it wouldn't it wouldn't go. And I'd ask why, and she'd say, Well, he's not tall enough. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 6:04

Get back to that at the end of the day, yeah, because it you're either gonna settle or you're gonna gaslight yourself.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Right.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

But the what happens if you try to gloss over attraction, it's not shallow, it's not selfish, it's gonna come back to bite you in the ass down the road.

SPEAKER_05 6:20

It's foundation.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

You're going to because you're building to build on if you're not a child. You have this new relationship energy, right? This NERE. That uh sorry, and that doesn't you know that doesn't last. Right. Right? So it's like if you're making concessions in the beginning while you have NRE down the road though, you're gonna be like, mmm, I shouldn't have I should have got go gone for what I wanted. So your relationship, if you don't have attraction, physical, sexual, and personal, and again, go back and listen to our episode, the attraction episode on the seven bridges of a solid relationship, but it really goes nowhere. You know, it it really ends up we we look at all these relationships, and if if couples did not cross the bridge of attraction, their relationship ends up just wandering like a lost child in the woods. It really goes nowhere. And it becomes an eyesore when the other bridges become problematic. So you get down the road, you're like, God, our communication, we I don't want to talk to my spouse about that or or my partner. I cannot bring emotions to them. I'm not safe. I don't think we have any intimacy. I know we're not sexually compatible. You get down the road and you have these problems, right? Attraction, then you look back at attraction and it becomes ugly as fuck. It becomes an eyesore, right?

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Right.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

That's where all these problems stemmed because you did not cross that bridge. And you start questioning, you look back and start questioning what you see in your partner or what you ever saw in them.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

So this is more attraction is more important than I think people think, and the reason why they don't want to act like it is is because they've been called out by other people of being shallow.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

But it it's really foundational for a successful relationship.

SPEAKER_05 8:24

And right now I'm thinking of people who might be listening to this and kind of disagreeing in their minds. They're thinking, yeah, I don't believe that, I think it's still shallow. I want to ask you why you think that, because if you think it's shallow, could it be that you're not feeling exactly confident about where you're at right now and you don't want to believe it?

SPEAKER_02 8:47

You want people to make concessions for you, so you're gonna make them for others or whatever. So this is a self-improvement kind of glow up episode.

SPEAKER_05 8:55

And and I would say that in a lot of those cases, if you're out there feeling like you guys are up in the night, this is crazy, it's not that big a deal. It's because you're not feeling totally confident in yourself and you need to glow up, and so this is a great episode for you.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

Okay. Some of these things are, you know, in terms of physical appearance, aren't changeable. So there's some examples of uh, you know, body movement, the way somebody walks.

SPEAKER_05 9:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:21

Not gonna change.

SPEAKER_05 9:22

Not gonna change. Okay, so if you hate it, really focused on it, maybe, but not likely.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

Mannerisms and gestures, really not changing. Uh the sound of their voice, uh pheromones.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Okay, uh their height. Those things don't change. Some things that do change are their grooming, their hairstyle, uh their posture can change. It's part of what I do for a living as a personal trainer. Uh posture corrective work is uh like one of the best aspects of my job. I love it. Skin, you can improve there. And then styling, like tattoos and piercings, uh, clothing, jewelry, makeup, nail art, etc. So there's things that are changeable and there's things that are not changeable, right? And I always say that you have to be at a certain level of physical attraction. No matter what the other two steps on the bridge, what whatever happens there, with sexual and personal, you've got to be at a minimum level on physical attraction. So some of these unchanging things, yeah. Whatever the the the ratio, if you're like, okay, I've got some changing things and some unchanging things, and however it mixes, it it has to take you to a certain level on physical attraction for your partner.

SPEAKER_05 10:41

Well, and there's one thing I'm gonna back up on voice because that's actually something I've changed. But but it's uh it made me think of it when you say you help people with their posture. Yeah, that's also not gonna change unless somebody's helping you with it. It's really not.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

Oh, yeah, it's changeable though.

SPEAKER_05 10:58

Yeah, it's changeable.

SPEAKER_02 10:58

Well, and that's like with skin, if you never go to the dermatology.

SPEAKER_05 11:02

But the base R the basic tone of your voice can't change, but if you know how to use your voice more effectively, it makes a night and day difference. Okay. Because I I got professional coaching on my post, not for this purpose. Right. But for my speaking, for my public speaking, I wanted to be less nasal, I wanted to be less monotone, so I got a professional coach to help me, and I took some of his home self-improvement courses. Right. Also got a couple of sessions with him coaching me, and this is a guy who coaches professional singers and actors, who got who gave me specific pointers on my voice, and and you don't have to get a professional coach like this, but when you start to understand your voice and how you use it, that it's an instrument like a piano or a guitar, then you can use it more effectively, just like you can teach people how to have better posture. There are some of these things that aren't typically changeable because if you don't notice, but that's the difference. You can look at somebody in the gym and say, You got shit posture, and I'm gonna help you with that, and this and what we do are gonna help you with that automatically. I could, because I am a public speaker, I could hear my recordings and I'm like, I just don't like this, but I don't know what to do. And so I found somebody who could help me, and it changed the world, and it also changed the world in my dating because I started using those because some of the pointers that he gave in some of those lessons were about this is how you can improve your your attraction.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Yeah, you're you're kind of almost your first your first impression.

SPEAKER_05 12:34

Your first impression, right? Yeah, and and I and I you know I first started using it just like going into the grocery store and and with the cashier, I just the way I greeted.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

And then they I fucked you.

SPEAKER_05 12:45

Sometimes it was like, oh, the the I just caught their attention, and all of a sudden now they're listening to me. Now I'm not just another guy in line.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Grumbling, uh okay.

SPEAKER_05 12:55

Right. And it it totally changes people's acceptance of you and their attraction of to you. And so there are some of these things that we think of as physical that can't be changed, but they can be modified.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Right. They're modified, so that's a good point. I mean, how many short guys do we know that were a bit call it eccentric, I guess, that wore platform boots or some kind of heeled shoe, prints?

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

Who else comes to mind? Because they're short guys and they want to strut their stuff, you know. Right. But they made creative.

SPEAKER_05 13:28

They did things, they did things that made them have that bigger presence. Right. And that's the thing. If you if you have some of these things like, oh, I hate my voice, I hate my monotone voice, and you mumble all the time. Yeah. Or you you are shorter, but you accept it as a deficiency, you're never gonna have that big person energy, that tall person energy. And so there are things you can do still. There are, yeah. And you might need somebody to give you some advice from the from outside.

SPEAKER_02 13:56

Physical attraction, as well as personal attraction, but physical attraction can change. Yeah, it should be noted as well, for the better or worse. And this episode is trying to encourage change for the better, so you can more successfully uh attract people and date. Okay. Alright, some of the glow-ups we both feel we've had, we're not the youngest people around. So we we've had time to be like yourself. Not we've had time to be like, oh yeah, that's been a real improvement, that one. So starting with a a physical list. And and there's some things that never were never needed to be glowed up for me.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

Right.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

I've been lifting weights since I was 15, other than pregnancy absolutely destroying my body and taking any muscle I had attained, making me kind of weak and skinny fat.

SPEAKER_03 14:47

Right.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

And I had to build back from that every time. People think losing losing weight is difficult, and it is. Putting on muscle is more difficult. I'll just tell you right now. So that is not an easy transition to to make, just to go back after pregnancy after pregnancy. And so, yeah, I had my lifting background and stuff, but I did have to work my ass off to get my ass back from pregnancy that stole it every time. Lifting, but that's always been really important to me. I've always wanted to look strong or you know, and I I was always the smallest in my grade, always the shortest in my grade, until I got into high school and I, you know, became taller than some girls, but I was always the smallest, you know? And I I had to do everything I could to try to, you know, not be the scrawnyest in the grade. And so I think that really appealed to me, and then I'm just naturally sporty, unfortunately. Again, small, so I was never gonna go anywhere with sports in a big way, but little people like to play sports too, and it can be very good at them. It's just, you know, they're sized out sometimes. You have to be exceptional, you know, like a six-two Steph Curry or something, to well, and have a professional NBA father who could give you all the resources to make it into the NBA or whatever, but he is, you know, not to say he has not earned that place a hundred percent. Being small, I think lifting always appealed to me. So I've always done that, so that wasn't really a problem. I continue to do that. I've had certain breaks that I've had to take, like, yeah, pregnancy surgeries or whatever, and you have to come back with a vengeance. So I've done that, I've come back stronger from things, and I think that that is part of a glow-up. You you don't just lift since you're 15 and then you're on autopie, you're done, you're good. You've checked that box. No, you gotta keep your ass work. I finally figured out what to do with my hair. That was not going well for many years. I really liked getting a perm. Everybody thought it was natural, but it wasn't. But then pregnancies, again, ruin things. And the chemistry of your hair, apparently, or something. It even changed the color of my hair. Wow. Grew up a dirty blonde, and then all of a sudden I'm auburn, you know, when I start having kids. My perm stopped working. So I like fried my hair a few times, a couple times, and then realized I can't do that anymore. And I hate having long straight hair because I don't want to do it. I don't want to use a curling iron. I don't want to, you know, blow dryer, whatever. So I finally found a hairstyle that like works for me. I get tons of compliments on it. It's short and edgy and hot pink.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

So there's that. Uh tanning is a big one. And we know this, I know this from like being in the lifting world. Like you can't see muscle easily with very, very dark skin or very or washed out white skin.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

So, or or and even you're just average white person. It's hard to see the muscle definition. Brown people or very tan white people, like an artificial tan or or a natural tan, if you go out and you know get some sun, that really helps me. I have like I can tan easily when I do, and it is a pretty color, and it brings out my muscle definition. So that's just gonna help me look better, right? So every summer I've tried to lay out and get a natural tan. Like I said, grew up a dirty blonde. For some reason, my eyebrows just turned bleach blonde and looked like I had none. Not a good look. Yeah, so I got permanent makeup, so I got permanent brows done, microblade blade, microblading done. Would highly recommend that to anyone because there are very few people out there who actually have just perfectly naturally great eyebrows that are filled in and enough and right, and the eyebrows, like if you have any kind of aesthetic background or aesthetician background, makeup background, anything, if you know anything about makeup or as an art form, you know that the eyebrows frame the face. You you take off eyebrows from the best-looking person out there, Brad Pitt, I don't care, they're not gonna look good. You have to have good eyebrows. It's like a pre-req for your face looking good. It made a huge difference. One of the best things I've done again, and I think it's completely affordable to get permanent makeup. So I got my brows done and I got my eyeliner done. So just to give me some color, because I was looking kind of washed out. Because of that, I don't I can just roll out of bed and go to the gym and not look like a ghost. I don't have to wear makeup every day, I don't want to wear makeup every day, and now I don't need to wear makeup every day if I wear makeup, it's a it's an occasion, and I like to do that, you know, just to for enhancement as an art form, as a fun thing to do, as an accessory, but it's not a necessity. Yeah, and I have the confidence now that it doesn't need to be, right? And I don't look washed out. So there's that. Botox. Been getting that every here and there, it's on your list too. Yes, I got you, I got I got to beat you, I got to go first.

SPEAKER_04 19:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

So Botox, fantastic for smoothing out the skin and for just cutting down on the wrinkle game a little bit. And I love it. Down the road, got some it wasn't allowed in the religion that we grew up in to get tattoos or piercings, except for one pair of earlobe piercings for women. Which I always had because that's what you could do. I'm like, okay, well. So down the road after leaving my church, I got the tattoos that I wanted. And they're great. Again, it's just enhancement. I love them to death. I can't imagine myself now without them. Just a fun way to decorate, and you know, this is subjective. Some people don't like tattoos in general, some people are like, totally depends on what it is. Ugh, that one's ugly. Why did they choose that? That is gorgeous, you know, like it's completely subjective. A lot of these things are. Some people are like, oh, I actually prefer really pale skin, like Nicole Kidman or something, to someone tan. It's all subjective, but in these are the ways I feel I have glowed up. And then I got a a nose stud. Always thought those were cute, always wanted one, and added uh second lobes to my ears, and then I have other ideas that I, you know, haven't gotten yet. Other possibilities for me in piercings. If I was in my early 30s, and I've never been able to get I I wasn't the most like broken out teenager, but I was your average teenager with acne, you know, like normal teen acne. Maybe a I mean, who knows? We're not talking to our friends going, how bad is your acne, you know, in high school? We don't really know what topicals they're using or if they're on a med, or we don't really know what's going on, right? I just know mine wasn't great, and it never really did clear up as I aged, which is so hella annoying. It's like I don't want to take this into adulthood, right? So finally, in my early 30s, I'd heard about Accutane and I pursued it and I did it, and also top three thing I've ever done. Like, cleared up my complexion completely. I never break out, I never have. Even a sore or a pimple or whatever, just really cleaned up my complexion. And then also I feel like the integrity of my skin improved with Accutane, not just the acne itself. So I would highly recommend that if you're like, I'm not a teenager anymore. This shouldn't be happening to me. Look into go to your dermatologist and look into Accutane. It's one of the best things I've ever done.

SPEAKER_05 22:23

Get the help you need, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

Yeah. And then beyond that, in my physical category, was I've always liked fashion, you know, but I haven't always been able to afford where I want to shop or how much clothes I want, or it just hasn't always been a priority. It's like I got these four kids, I've got other things that where where money is going, and it's not going to close for me. So that was not a priority, and I was not, I think, dressing attractively. And so I tried to put more emphasis on making that a priority, saying, no, I'm I'm gonna go, I'm gonna get the these couple things that I want, or I'm gonna, you know, build up my wardrobe better and cuter, and that way when I got out dating, I I wasn't shopping at thrift stores anymore.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

You know, just taking what leftovers there were or what people were handing down or whatever. I was intentionally shopping for clothes for myself that I wanted.

SPEAKER_05 23:22

Alright, my turn.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 23:24

Well, physically, well, you already mentioned the Botox, which you got me into. But I think it was years ago.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

I want to say something about Botox too, because I don't want to like scare anyone. So I used to think Botox was permanent.

unknown 23:36

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 23:37

That you get it and it stays. And then you get I know, I know, and then you get more, and then it because people always make comments like, oh, you know, they've had way too much Botox. And what I want to say is that's not possible because Botox doesn't s stay. Maybe they it metabolizes out of your system and too quickly, let me tell you, for how much it costs. So I'm a three-month person. Some people are six-month people. I mean, maybe you can make it last for eight months or nine months or something. It it depends on on your metabolic system, but it's not permanent, it doesn't last. What people are probably seeing is either plastic surgery or filler. But anyway, so I just wanted to, if anyone's scared about Botox, do some research because i it's not permanent.

unknown 24:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

But it is wonderful.

SPEAKER_05 24:29

Good addition there. Yeah. So yeah, I would say that I was started to get interested in this long before I was divorced for the first time. I started watching Queer Eye and got the concept of, you know, a little bit about style, though I was still wasn't good at it. I don't have an eye for that. So I rely on their eyes for that.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Yeah, rely on the queer eye.

SPEAKER_05 24:50

But it was mostly one of the things that I got from that was manscaping. Because I've always hated body hair.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Same. Yeah, I just shaved it.

SPEAKER_05 25:01

Yeah. Yeah. But I started manscaping that, and now I do a lot of sh shaving. You know, just it's just one of those things. Hair removal. Hair removal. Yeah. My haircut, something that's different than I used to do. I used to just have the most basic haircut in the world. Wasn't great. And then I started getting it professionally done, and it makes a whole lot of difference. You know, and we made the joke on the podcast on an earlier episode of this podcast, how in my dating, some woman asked me if I was straight, and when I asked, Well, what do you wh why would you ask that? I'm on a dating site, and she's like, Well, because you have a good haircut and you're in good shape. She figured you must be gay. Any of that queer eye stuff, I guess, kind of came.

SPEAKER_02 25:44

Yeah, you're not ugly, you must be gay. That's right. Well, uh yeah, and now you've gotten me to into your barber, and we both that's true.

SPEAKER_05 25:50

We got the same place to get our fantastic. Yeah, so that's kind of fun. My eyebrows, I got those tattooed a couple of years ago.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

We were both smart enough to do that.

SPEAKER_05 25:58

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Before we met each other, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:01

Yeah, so mine aren't microbladed. I just had a tattoo artist in mine, but it was one of those things that you know, you look at older guys as they age, their eyebrows either tend to get gray or lighter, or f some of them fall out in places, they start to lose hair there, and and uh the weird paradox for eyebrows for men typically is they either get big and puffy and out of shape, out of out of control. Out of control, and they don't do anything with it, which always drove me crazy. So I've always trimmed them.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:30

Since I've had eyebrows, I think I've done that.

SPEAKER_00 26:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:34

Towards the edges, they were starting to get lighter, and so that facial framing you're talking about, I was losing it. So I actually had somebody else suggest I get them tattooed, and I never thought about that. And when I did, first of all, it was shocking when I got off the table and saw myself, it's like, oh, I've got eyebrows. I mean I but after a few days it was like, oh, that looks much better. Yes. But it was kind of cool, so that's one thing.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:57

Eyeliner and makeup. I I actually started this after you and I got together, but I'd been thinking about it for years, since I was a teenager.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 27:05

Because I'd watch these videos and you know, these music videos of those new wave artists in the 80s thinking, those guys look really good, and it's because they wear makeup. But I was always kind of a chicken. I thought, well, I can't really Bowie or Bowie, Duran Duran, any of those British New Wave from the 80s.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

And that was totally your generation, and they've all got makeup on.

SPEAKER_05 27:28

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 27:29

Well, and even people in 80s was just a big decade for makeup for anyone, period, I guess. If you were a star. Prince, Michael Jackson, who Bowie, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:39

I mean, there's not a lot of guys, George Michael, there's not a lot of guys who didn't wear makeup if they were a star in the 80s and could do whatever the fuck they wanted.

SPEAKER_05 27:47

But in mainstream public, we for some reason think we can't do that. So I you know, and it was one of those things when we first got together, I've been thinking about it, and then I then I set up a tutorial at Sephora, and you came along with me just because I'm like, I want to know how to do eyeliner. And now I feel like I'm pretty good at doing it. You're pretty fucking good at eyeliner. I think I could teach someone.

SPEAKER_02 28:06

Yeah, these are all just skills that you develop or whatever, and you look awesome. I I I think you know, makeup is enhancing, that's that's what it's supposed to do. You look awesome in eyeliner.

SPEAKER_05 28:17

So and then other things like that I didn't try before. I've always been totally clean shaven until I met you, and you said, hey, you might look good with just a little scruff, because I can't really grow a decent beard.

SPEAKER_02 28:28

So we tried the bit of scruff, and I was like, That's a little yeah, it just gives you a little color.

SPEAKER_05 28:33

Yeah, a little variation to my face. Yeah, a little shape and stuff like that, which I've and since I started, I haven't stopped it. I haven't shaved since that physically, like my physical shape. I started that not necessarily as a glow-up, but because I was feeling not good, not healthy.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 28:54

And so I just wanted to be healthy. Right. It was actually when I started to really, I think the tipping point for me was that I wasn't feeling good, and I thought, huh. I think my first granddaughter was on on her way, and I was like, I want to be able to get down on the floor and play with her and stuff like that. So I gotta be better, I gotta get more flexible, I gotta get stronger, I gotta lose some weight. So it was more about my health to begin with, but then when I as I was single again and started dating, it was you know, paid off there too.

SPEAKER_02 29:25

Well, and I think improving your health is a form of glow up. That that is also in the definition of glow up. So yeah, that's a two-part thing where it's like your appearance. But then it helps, yeah. Side side physical appearance. Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_05 29:43

That came along with it. So yeah, wasn't going to the gym. Then I kind of got moved far from the gym I had, and I didn't get a new one, and so I started doing my own stuff, push-ups, kettlebell, stuff like that, and then I met you as a personal trainer. We go to the gym together, and it's just taken me to the next level on that stuff. Other things, dermatology, having you know, blemishes re removed from my skin and things like that. And I've had some simple fix, really. Yeah, and it's something I should do anyway, because it's like I've got skin cancer in my background, and so I want to have that stuff checked. So I go multiple times a year to get things removed and checked over. Got another appointment this week, so I'm gonna be doing that. Toenails. Started painting my toenails and fingernails.

SPEAKER_02 30:26

And fingernails sometimes, which I yeah, we need we need to do that more often because I super like it, but I don't request it very often.

SPEAKER_05 30:34

But I should. You know, I got my own nail polish and I got tools and things like that to to do a better job. So it's like having the tools of the trade for that as well. Jewelry. I started collecting bracelets years ago, and I was that's mostly what I wore. And then I have, you know, I always had a couple of rings. I have a couple of class rings from college, but then I started to get a few other things, and then you you brought me some neck chains, decorative, yep. So necklaces. Getting my ears pierced. That was another thing that I thought about for a long time. That I suggested. Yeah, I was never really courageous enough to do, and then you just set up an appointment for me to get them pierced without me knowing for about it. It was a birthday gift. It was a birthday gift, yeah. And I was like, all right, this is we're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_02 31:14

I knew you just needed a little push. I did. You had said, yeah, I want to do that. And I'd kind of sometimes you do need a little push. Like asked uh, you know, here and there just throughout the year or the or however long we'd been together, you know, like and gotten a pretty good idea of just you just need a little push. So that's why I felt confident that I could surprise you with it.

SPEAKER_04 31:36

Yeah, and it and it worked. And I'm like, I was all 100% in.

SPEAKER_02 31:40

I will say about the bracelets, this is one thing that attracted me to you. It can be as simple as bracelets, people. We're on the dating apps, right? And I think you had put a video out there and you're talking with your hands, and I could see he had a few bracelets on one of his wrists. That was that's it was huge for me. I was like, oh, this indicates that this guy either puts effort into his personal style or cares, or it it like it was promising, you know, that even if it's not perfect or exactly what I'm attracted to, like, oh, like this person is open to you know, probably other like getting your ears pierced or wearing necklaces or other things that I would be attracted to.

SPEAKER_05 32:28

Yeah, it was one of those things that always bothered me. I felt like my arm needed to be broken up somewhere between my elbow and the hand or my shoulder and the hand, and it it just sort of added, it gave it gave good balance, I think. And so it was like interesting. I really it was it was kind of aesthetic for me more than anything, but it got to be like I didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

That was one of the first things that I noticed on the app that made me keep keeping the game stay in the game.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Oh, well that's it.

SPEAKER_02 32:52

It was just as simple as bracelets.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:55

So think what you could accomplish here, people, if you up your game a little bit and work on I used to joke, uh I I knew I was consciously glowing up, in mostly in my 30s, because I would I would joke and say, well, number two hundred and thirty-four of my makeup uh my makeover process, uh you know, whatever it was, yeah, I was working on it. Right. So and but it paid off.

SPEAKER_05 33:20

Yeah. So that's that's mostly style effort, putting a little bit of effort into my style before I met you, but I'm not that great at it, so having you help me has been really helpful.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

You were humble enough to say I want to do this, I'm not great at it, it doesn't come natural. Can you help me dress?

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Right.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

Which was a dream come true for me. Because I'm like, I I mean, it's like girls play with dolls so they can a lot of times so they can dress them, or they have paper dolls or sticker books or whatever, right? And and then we we get to dress ourselves and that's so much fun, you know, right? But like to be able to like still have like a form that we can dress or deck it is just like a lot of girls' dream come true. Well, I love it. It's an IRL too. It's so like, yeah, I'm like, oh man, this is way better than a doll or Barbie. Yeah, you know. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:16

One other thing was my teeth. Now, I never had braces as a kid, and I had uh one of my front teeth was crooked away, it came in too high, so it never came down all the way. So I had this weird up and down space in my front teeth, so I was always conscious of to keep my mouth closed as much as possible, which also affected my voice. One of the things the voice the vocal coach told me was to get rid of that monotone, you have to open your mouth.

SPEAKER_02 34:40

Right.

SPEAKER_05 34:41

Otherwise, it's it doesn't come through your mouth.

SPEAKER_02 34:44

Yeah, so like I take Spanish lessons, and my Spanish tutor, even in Spanish, you need to open your mouth even more than in English. Right. It would be open your mouth, you know. I got to get those vowels going because I would just be mumbling my Spanish.

SPEAKER_05 34:59

Well, yeah, so so another thing, you know, get a coach for a lot of these things too, because it was it wasn't coaches that I got for my appearance or anything, but my voice coach told me I needed to open my mouth more. I had a media coach when I started doing television interviews a few years ago. One of his catchphrases was, If if I can't see your teeth, you're not smiling. But I didn't want to show my teeth because I had this problem.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

Well, that's a competence thing too. If you feel like you can't open your mouth, like how demoralizing is that, right?

SPEAKER_05 35:28

Right. And and and so he he and I didn't do it while I was still coaching with him, but he said, You've got to invest in in your teeth and your smile. Yeah. Um and so I eventually did. I went to and tried to do it through, you know, uh aligners and it didn't work. And in fact, when I got a second and third opinion, they decided that that front tooth was fused to the bone and there was no amount of braces or anything that was going to do it. So I had a crown put on that before you ever met me. But that would be one of those things because straight teeth is a big deal. It would it would have been a deal breaker problem.

SPEAKER_02 36:05

That would have been a deal breaker for me. Yeah. So that's good that that got fixed beforehand because But I had that problem for fifty years that I lived with. Teeth are like are are like eyebrows on the face.

SPEAKER_05 36:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

There's no getting around like I think there's such a big difference and a big deal with great white straight teeth than not, than the alternative. Yeah. You know, it it's a game changer.

SPEAKER_05 36:28

And getting that tooth fixed after 50 years of it being crooked was a bigger confidence builder than all these other things put together. Everything else. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:36

That is so good for you. Yeah. So we're gonna talk about some other aspects of glow-up that aren't so physical or physical at all. One of them I put on my paper say being sexually liberated was part of my glow-up. So if you've been listening to our podcast at at all, you do realize that we came from a strict religion where sexuality is heavily controlled and monitored and all the things, right? And and it's not talked about either. There's no, you know, and a lot of this is still just out there in the world, right? You don't have to be coming from a strict religion to have your sexuality fucked, right? But it's kind of a double whammy if you're coming from a religion like ours. Sexually, it's like you usually, I mean, you get stuck in ruts, you don't talk about it, you just kind of it it's it's something you kind of gotta skirt around instead of just fully embracing and like celebrating, being super sex positive, being outgoing with it, doing all the things that you it like having all the options on the table, like that is not happening for me, right? So I think that getting divorced and shortly after leaving religion, I feel that I was always gifted and skilled in sex, but was then able to actually see those those things and manifest my complete sexual liberation and my complete sexual potential. Because I had done all these things, you know, leading uh all these glow up, these physical things leading up to that point. Not only was I stellar at sex, but I had done these physical appearance glow up things, and so then when I started dating, I attracted whoever the fuck I wanted. I had a line out the door and around the corner. And then it was really fun to experience how good I actually am at sex. It was like something that given the circumstances I was in, whether it was my religion or my marriage or my divorce, I couldn't fully experience that and know that.

unknown 38:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:54

So I'm adding sexual liberation because I I'm at the top of the game.

SPEAKER_05 38:59

I would agree with that.

SPEAKER_02 39:00

And I think that's a major, I think that's a major glow-up aspect.

SPEAKER_05 39:05

And that that's a glow-up for me too. That's one of those things that I'd studied it for decades and not never had the outlet to really see if I learned anything. And then when I did get the outlet to start dating again, it was like, oh, I do know a thing or two.

SPEAKER_02 39:20

I'm really good at this.

SPEAKER_05 39:21

Yeah, I'm really good at this. And then I started experimenting further, you know, I experimented into toys and kink and ethical non-monogamy and all of those things.

SPEAKER_02 39:31

Just very, very skilled. And if you don't have the chance, then you sometimes never know. But I think that if you're talking about the confidence of a glow-up, that's your sexuality has to be part of that. And this is this is a big plug. I mean, this is what our podcast, this is what our business, sex, dating, and relationships. If you're listening and you're thinking, I don't really know how good I am or could be, what does that even mean? What does it mean to be good at sex? It is a skill. There's a lot of different things that you could do under the umbrella of sex. These are all subset, I guess, of the skill of sex, right? For instance, someone who's really good at giving oral, and someone who's really good at giving a hand job, and someone who's really good at receiving said things, or what you know, like it's skills that you could give, and the skill of how well do you receive? Right. What what are your orgasms like, etc. whatever, but and how what's your timing like, your response time, and that was all very apparent when given the opportunity for both of us.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:43

And I think that's a huge part of a glow-up if if you are wondering, like thinking like, oh, I I never thought about that as part of a a glow-up, it absolutely is.

SPEAKER_05 40:52

That and another thing for me that I learned emotionally, which is really between that sexual glow-up through you and me, and my emotional maturity and changes I went through through therapy, through coaching, through reading, through my growth mindset.

SPEAKER_02 41:12

It's exactly what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_05 41:13

Ross brought brought me the seven bridges, right. Which is why we're here, which is why anybody who's listening to this is listening to this now, is is this this whole glow-up thing that we've gone into has produced what we are now trying to share with everyone.

SPEAKER_02 41:28

So on the attraction bridge, we just kind of stepped over we just kind of took the sexual attraction step with people by telling them about sexual liberation and their sexual potential is just fucking sky high and they don't even know it, right? We know what's capable because we're doing things that aren't in the books yet. They're not out there known to the to the world, and that's why we we're that's one reason we're doing what we're doing because we're doing things that we know are possible that but nobody knows, right? Right. Which is why we need to fucking write a book and stuff. But now we're taking a step on personal attraction. When we s when we start to talk about, yes, I put on my paper as well, go to therapy. I went to therapy.

SPEAKER_00 42:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:08

Started going to therapy, started being way more autonomous by leaving religion and making my own grown-ass woman decisions, right? And stopped giving that authority to other people outside of me. I started really going for my dreams and ambitions and not saying that is selfish or playing small. I started making goals. I started learning. Yes, I'm reading, I'm taking in information from everywhere instead of just information that is spoon-fed to me from my religious leaders or from, you know, whatever the case is. I'm getting smarter. I am more well-informed. These are all glow-ups.

SPEAKER_00 42:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:49

You know, you think of a a a strong, capable, well-informed, smart person.

SPEAKER_00 42:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:55

You know, probably it could be in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, it doesn't really matter the age. That person is glowed up, I think, you know. Yeah. But that's part of it, this personal attraction and this personal development.

SPEAKER_05 43:08

Yeah, and that's, you know, for me, I've joked before too, I'm a people pleaser in recovery, and that was one of those things. I'm still I'm st I still battle that, but that's one of those things also as I got more, could see more autonomy and could see I can have what I want in life, that I don't need to please other people to get what I want in life. That used to be, I used to believe that that's what I had to do, you know. I had to make everybody else happy, and then I'll get what I want, but it never happened that way. So that was one of the things I gained from this.

SPEAKER_02 43:37

Well, you look at someone like that, and honestly, they look weak. Yeah, they do. And that doesn't look like a glowed up person who's a badass out there ruling their own world.

SPEAKER_05 43:45

Yeah, I mean, I had I had insecure attachment. I was I'm anxiously insecure, had the people pleasing that's tied to that as well. Um as I got into all of those things and wanted to be better, the whole Seven bridges of a solid relationship, that wasn't ever meant for anybody but me. That was, I read, I went to therapy, I had co uh a life coach, I read all these books, and those concepts that I that I developed and know you've helped me to f further flesh out, though they aren't new concepts, you can find them in 50 different books, which I read, but I just decided I needed it in a framework that would work for me, that I could, because it's like, well, is it to this today or is it that today? And what do I do here? And is there an order to these things? I had to, I'm a framework guy and I have to put things in a framework, and so that's what I did, and this was all part of my growth. It wasn't ever intended to be a podcast or coaching other people until just before I met you, I thought, huh, now people are asking me about this. I know how much I struggled as a man in relationships to when I wasn't next level to just make it, you know, just make it for my own peace and satisfaction, let alone partner with anybody. So I built that for me, and then it's like, oh, now when I met you, it's like I'd really like to take this to other guys because I know I'm not the only one in this world struggling. You know, and so that's where this all came from. But it all my point is it all came from our glow-ups. All the stuff we're doing right now that we talk about, it was it was rooted in glow-ups.

SPEAKER_02 45:22

We've taken everybody, we've taken listeners now over the bridge of attraction. Yeah, we've taken the steps physical, sexual, and personal, and you can see how glow-ups aren't just superficial, how they really are the betterment of someone from the inside out. But it's the whole person, you know, but it's really going to make a difference if you consider some of these things when you're out there dating or partnered already. It's gonna make a difference when you consider this episode when it comes to the bridge of attraction. In this podcast, we often use the terms women and men when discussing relationships and sexual dynamics. However, we want to acknowledge that not all women have vulvas and not all vulva owners identify as women. Similarly, not all men have penises, and not all penis owners identify as men. Our podcast welcomes individuals and couples of all orientations and identities. We aim for inclusivity, but fully acknowledge that our attempts will never be perfect. We are learning and adopting new language as humankind and our world evolves.

SPEAKER_05 46:40

Hey, just a heads up.