The Cliteral Truth Podcast
Welcome to The Cliteral Truth-the podcast where we sit around naked and talk about sex, dating, and relationships.
We're Lexie and Ryan!
When we met, we quickly realized we share a passion for sex. We believe when it comes to sexual knowledge and performance, we're in the top 1%. Sex is our zone of genius. And after experiencing each other's aptitude and prowess, we gradually conceptualized our vision of helping others find that passion and master their own sexuality.
Website: thecliteraltruth.com
Instagram: the.cliteraltruth
Disclaimer:
The Cliteral Truth offers coaching and educational services focused on sexual wellness, intimacy, and similar topics. Our content is intended for adults and is provided for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical, psychological, or professional therapy services. Always consult your physician or mental health provider if you have concerns related to your physical or emotional health. Participation in our courses and coaching is voluntary, and we encourage respectful, trauma-informed engagement. No physical demonstrations or touch are involved in our offerings.
The Cliteral Truth Podcast
99. Cum As You Are
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Sex is messy—and that’s part of the fun.
In this episode, we tackle everything you want to know about female and male ejaculation. What’s the difference between orgasm and ejaculation? Can you have one without the other? Is squirting just pee? And why are we so fascinated—and sometimes uncomfortable—with what bodies do during sex?
It’s a candid, shame-free conversation about orgasms, semen, squirting, female ejaculation, and embracing the gloriously messy reality of great sex. Come curious. Cum as you are.
This is the Cliteral Truth.
SPEAKER_00The podcast where we sit around naked and talk about sex, dating, and relationships.
SPEAKER_03Okay. We didn't decide it was gonna start.
SPEAKER_00So bad. Well, usually we talk about a kid over here and it's like who's gonna kick it off?
SPEAKER_03And then I just look at you and you just have this huge grin on your face.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, oh my god, oh my god, we get to talk about cum. Alright. We do have uh a plan, an outline, and uh what have you.
SPEAKER_03We're not just winging it.
SPEAKER_00But I I wrote down this extra question your f what's your favorite way to cum? Oh, okay. Oh man. Too excited.
SPEAKER_03Too excited about this. It's just like too much fun. What a fun episode.
SPEAKER_00Right. If you're into I mean uh some people are are germaphobes or don't like the mess, we're big fans.
SPEAKER_03We are big fans of mess. Mess. Yes. And so this episode is gonna be yeah, it's about cum and some education, some myth busting, some normalization, maybe.
SPEAKER_00Because I was never taught any of this shit.
SPEAKER_03So in Sunday school or something?
SPEAKER_00So all of this nobody's gonna be able to. Nobody's thought about this shit. I've had to learn from you know, looking up weird stuff and experiencing whatever and be like, oh, okay, what is that?
SPEAKER_03Where did that come from?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. We're not so we're having an episode because nobody's a genius on you know, on the case. I guess somebody might be. Well, sure they they might be, but it's like you had to General everyday podcast listeners probably aren't. And you had to do that on purpose if that's and nobody helped you along learning about comm.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, some of it might have been scary, some of it might have been exciting, some of it might have been what the hell's going on here.
SPEAKER_00All right.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Well, we got a few points we want to cover, and the first one is probably the biggest misconception. Cumming is not the same as orgasm. So people use coming and orgasm interchangeably, but they really aren't the same thing. An orgasm is like an it's a neurological and muscular reaction and response, and ejaculation is the release of fluid. And that's basically everything about that. I mean, there's more to it that we're gonna talk about, but that's the those are the main points. And you can you can men can orgasm without ejaculating, and we'll talk more about that, but that's one of those things that it's Well, and so can women. Yes, and so can women.
SPEAKER_00Uh anybody can yeah. So I think like, okay, you know, we have some phrases like, oh man, I came so hard, you know. What are you gonna do? kind of thing. Does does it really mean did it mean you orgasm, had it had the best orgasm of your life and it was big? Or do you actually mean that you put out a lot of ejaculate? Like, okay, I would encourage people to use their words, you know, when they can, but I wouldn't get too nitpicky about interchanging those words at the same time kind of thing.
SPEAKER_03Right. So we're only we're only differentiating for educational purposes here, really, you know, because it's different things.
SPEAKER_00In this episode, we'll be using the the right words for what we're talking about.
SPEAKER_03Because to your point, men and women can can orgasm without releasing fluid.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, to talk about the the first point, if you're not keeping a sex journal, start today. We are big proponents of I mean it's it's like Nintendo Achievements Unlocked or you know, video game.
SPEAKER_03It's kind of good to look back and see your progress.
SPEAKER_00You don't know, yeah, exactly. You might have for there's there's stuff that I've read in that search sex journal of ours that I would have forgotten. Oh, yeah, I we we that happened. Or that worked that way. We did that, you know? Yeah, whatever. I put it all down, like anything noteworthy I put down in the sex journal. And and a lot of the sex journal is it's it's your discovery journal. Things like, oh wow, I didn't know that was possible, or that's the first time I've done that. I I mean I have got a lot of no contact orgasms, no contact squirts. What whatever you what do you mean by no contact? I mean that nobody's touching me in the moment, nothing is being stimulated in the exact moment that I no direct stimulation, yeah. Well, no physical stimulation. No tu nobody's touching me at all. Yeah, nobody's stimulating me in the moment that I am either having an orgasm or squirting or whatever. They might have a moment ago, but they're not in that moment. I I remember one of the most notable is I think like you walked away and went to the into the other room and went to the bathroom or something, and when you came back, I was squirting on the bed or something. So it's these times where yeah, I call them no contact, nobody is making contact with you, your body parts, etc., whatever. Exactly. And there's a lot of those in there. So to this first point, you can have yeah, lots of orgasms without coming.
SPEAKER_03Right, exactly.
SPEAKER_00Without a jaculate or anything like that, and you can even have them without anyone touching you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, exactly. And we're gonna talk more about that whole concept. Because I think one of the things for women, one of the misconceptions is that there isn't a jaculate, and there there is. Right, and so just so you don't expect it necessarily when a woman has an orgasm, and so you think that it's a lot of people think it's not there. But and and on the other side of that for men is you when you ejaculate, you have an orgasm, and then that's all there is, you know. And so we t we'll talk about that more later.
SPEAKER_00Right, and we need to debunk both of those things that I mean you you can I've squirted without an orgasm too. You can come without orgasming as well. Yeah, it's vice versa.
SPEAKER_03I've done that too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, there's there's all kinds of possibilities ejaculated without an orgasm. Here.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so just kind of the takeaway on that point is orgasm is orgasm is an experience and ejaculation is a physical event. They often coincide, but not always. Not always. Yeah.
unknownSure.
SPEAKER_03All right, the next point. Female ejaculation and squirting are related, but they're probably not the same thing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, in my experience, I'm gonna say they're, you know, not the same thing. I'm gonna say they're completely different experiences. There's been times where I'm not orgasming, and you say, hey, I'm seeing a lot of your ejaculate on either your dick or a toy or whatever it is. I can't we're possibly in a position where I can't see it, but you're seeing it, and it's definitely mine, because you're not even you're not even in me, or you're not even whatever. And so that actually often happens when I'm not orgasming.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00Prior to orgasming.
SPEAKER_03It does, it does.
SPEAKER_00We see a lot of that ejaculate. And just for listeners, what does this look like versus versus squirting? Because they are they are completely different to me.
SPEAKER_03They are, they come from the same place. The the so the female ejaculates like it's look like milky. Yeah, a little thicker. It's like thicker milk, like semen. Yeah, it looks it does look like semen. Yeah. Sure. And it's produced through the skeins gland. And so this is that's interesting.
SPEAKER_00And so is squirting, but they are different substances.
SPEAKER_03Well, yeah, so there's a little bit here on squirting I've got to share too. Squirting is usually a much larger volume of clear fluid expelled through the re urethra during intense arousal or orgasm. So and I'd like that point, intense arousal or orgasm because you you've squirted before.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm. Just purely on arousal.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and it you you didn't have any sort of strong orgasm. It's it was it was pleasurable when you did that, but it wasn't like uh it wasn't the same contracting.
SPEAKER_00A really great release with or without orgasm. It just feels like a really like an exhale to an inhale that you you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So another point about squirting is it does um the research they've done I suggest squirting fluid comes primarily from the bladder, although it may contain small amounts of fluid from the skin's gland, including markers like PSA, which this was surprising to me when I looked into this. So PSA, it is prostate-specific antigen. So this is what they check when they check a man's prostate to see if there are prostate irregularities, which is very interesting because I've I've been through this before. But women have it too. I didn't realize women have it too, and it comes from the skein's gland, which makes sense that they're they're similar in substance, like female ejaculate and semen are similar in substance. Because a lot of times people just casually refer to the skein's gland as the female prostate. I didn't I didn't realize any of that stuff too. So this is just kind of geeking out on the on the whole thing, but but this prostate-specific antigen that women have, that's I thought that was interesting because I'd never heard that. And it's interesting too because just to kind of a side note on this, I went to have a physical one time and they checked my PSA level, and it was abnormal, which made me worry for a few days because I thought I might have a prostate problem, like cancer or something like that. So then I go to a urologist, a specialist, to have it checked, and it was fine. Well, your PSA levels can be off after having sex, and I remembered having sex that morning before I went to the doctor, and which but it's that's a good educational thing I wanted to share because I don't want people to if you're listening and you go through something like that and you're scared for a couple of weeks or something, like you're there's something wrong. You know, the doctor didn't think to ask, did you have sex that day? Because that's one of the things that can throw off your PSA level.
SPEAKER_00So I'm just gonna pop in here and say, love doctors, but they don't it reminds me of the experiences that that I've had in the doctor's office, like they have zero regard for sex, like like it doesn't exist.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Except for uh once in a while you'll be handed a paper that says, you know, don't don't have sex or don't have and it's like, well, what do you mean? Do you mean can I do anal? Can I do oral? Can I do you mean intercord? Like like let's get specific, Bob. Like Yeah, it drives me crazy. It it's that just reminded me of that. Like, uh of course the doctor just assumed you're not having sex. Like, we're all like just sexless beings out here. It's like, no, yeah, doc, doc, we have sex.
SPEAKER_03Could have saved me a lot of concern the doctor that day when they got the results. So could you have possibly? I think that the medical field We'll still check you out, but this just so you don't worry too much, this could have something to do with it.
SPEAKER_00The medical field could be more sex positive and sex aware than they are.
SPEAKER_03And just more forthcoming with all of the details instead of just giving you little data points that leave you concerned. Or just not telling you anything at all. Right, exactly. A little bit about female ejaculation and squirting. Um not uh they're not the same thing, but uh yeah. They're they've got that connection between the city.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they're they're completely different consistencies.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, squirting is more clear liquid. Well, it is clear liquid, but it comes, but it's got that female ejaculate in it. That's how they know that it's not just pea.
SPEAKER_00They also feel different in the experience that okay, they're completely different consistencies for one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But number two, I'm very pretty aware when I squirt because it feels even with or without an orgasm, it feels like a a good release.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm very often not aware that I am producing ejaculate. Especially if you have that. Exiting my my body. Right. So they're just completely different experiences to to me. Both great. I think that when we're having sex and you're you tell me, because I'm probably in a position where I'm not seeing that, or you you tell me, or uh oftentimes I have my eyes closed when we're having sex anyway, you know, just into the field. But you tell me, oh, the I see your cum, it's all over, you know, la la la. That is a turn on.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So whether I can feel it or not, it's really great that you tell me that this is happening because it usually will give me a boost in arousal. Okay, good.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And I've noticed that too. So all right, so yeah, so for that point, I mean the main kind of takeaway for that is both female ejaculation and squirting are real, they're just different physiological processes. Yeah. So the third point we want to talk about, we're gonna expand on this a little bit. Every everyone's body is different. So some people ejaculate every orgasm, some never ejaculate, some squirt occasionally, some squirt every time. Um, some produce lots of semen, some produce very little. None of these is automatically means something is wrong. Or right. I mean, it's just like there's nothing wrong with any of those things. It's like, uh, I didn't ejaculate or well, let's go through all of these.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Now the first one though.
SPEAKER_03Ejaculate every orgasm.
SPEAKER_00I will say that I because you're a guy who doesn't ejaculate every orgasm and can have multiple orgasms throughout a session without going limp or without a refractory period.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I, in all of my dating and partners don't recall experiencing that with any other guy. I think that that is a sexual shape thing. I think that it's a training thing that guys can obviously it's possible because here we are.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I think that that is a place to to get to in your dick mind, body mind connection, you know.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It would be equivalent to someone who has a really strong clip mind connection and can have a no contact squirt or a no contact orgasm or you know that that's just man, you are connected.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I think that guys that can have multiple orgasms without going limp, and some of them ejaculatory, some of them not, you know. That's a really you're in good sexual shape.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think so. Well, that's what I found. So I just to kind of give some background, I kind of stumbled across this. I'd been, you know, I when I first started dating in middle age, it'd been a long time since after relationships. Yeah, after relationships.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Um it'd been a long time since I had sex at all. So, like the first time I like came six times in 45 minutes or an hour, and I was like, wow, that's not something I've experienced before. And I could just could just keep going to your point. Now I thought, because I didn't know I'd better, I thought I ejaculated every time. It felt like I I might have. And I didn't know I was just so unused to it. Every time I'd I'd had an orgasm before, I ejaculated.
SPEAKER_00That's the thing. I think that we all assume wrongly that in or that our point, our first point, that orgasm has to equal ejaculation, and and it doesn't.
SPEAKER_03It doesn't. And so so after that happened, I started studying about it a little bit. And there are like some tantric practices and things like that that you can do to kind of train for that, but there are also some other things, like some, you know, we have an episode on Dick Mind Connection, and we should talk about that stuff too, and just gaining that. I didn't really find out until later that I was not ejaculating every time. I mean, some of them the orgasm's a little less intense, and I could kind of feel like, yeah, that wasn't the that didn't go the whole way. It was still an orgasm, it was still legitimately an orgasm. But I didn't feel now other times I felt like it was all the way I and I thought I had ejaculated, but I didn't. And the way I knew was because it was during two blowjobs.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, one was the kiva, and I was like, I yeah, I'm just like looking at it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like well, thanks for nothing. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03And that's kind of I think you might have even said that or something like that. I'm sure I didn't. But I but but yeah, it was but but no, it was more surprised because I came and I was I was kind of spent after that one too, a little bit.
SPEAKER_00You were convinced that you had ejaculated.
SPEAKER_03Yes, I was. It felt like I felt all the sensations. I was like, you absolutely didn't, but so it's uh sometimes hard to tell because it can be a super powerful, powerful organism, sometimes it's not, but it's typically in my lived experience, it's typically if you can do that, you don't go limp afterward. So even when I was physically spent, I don't remember exactly with you if if I went limp after that when I thought I had, but I don't I don't remember. But typically I don't, and I can just keep going that way. Now the other thing is because and you and when you and I talked about this, because you said you hadn't been with somebody who could do this like I do.
SPEAKER_00I don't recall. It's like most guys waited, you know, they they gave me all the time that I wanted and exhausted me, and then at the end it was like a exclamation point for them.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well For both of you. For both of us or whatever. But they've finished off and but you didn't keep going after that to know if No, it was if they knew or they were just used to, or they just assumed that they cannot go on once they ejaculate.
SPEAKER_03Which is where I always was, but I think that first time that I came six times in an hour, it was like I don't know what the fuck's going on here because I've never experienced that before and kept been able to keep going. And I just chalked it up to I haven't had sex in years, basically.
SPEAKER_00And I'm sure that helped.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Arousal, I will say, on the podcast right now, is so important. It's so underrated. And if to improve our sex lives, we should really be studying hardcore arousal. Just arousal will help you tons in improving your entire sex life.
SPEAKER_03Right, right. Well, and so before I s I actually went and did some reading on it and watched some videos on YouTube and whatnot about this whole concept of the non-ejaculatory orgasm or the dry orgasm, they call it a lot of times. Um before I did that, I had some other dates and it kept happening, you know, and so and again, arousal was a big key to that.
SPEAKER_00And novelty is a huge part of arousal.
SPEAKER_03Right. And I was having novels.
SPEAKER_00That was a new partner, yeah. And I mean, even sex was kind of new because you were in a sexless marriage for a long time.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And and so the whole thing was pretty exciting and arousing and and the desire was there, so it was kind of easy. Even even if I ever did kind of go limp, I could come back pretty quickly. Like my yeah, my refractory period was minutes, you know, as opposed to hours or a day or something like that, you know. So it was it was different to me. And then I started studying, I was like, oh, this is an actual thing, you know. And so then I started to try and that was my experience with squirting.
SPEAKER_00Nobody ever told me about that, you know. I had no idea until I did it. I'd heard shortly before I did it, I think I had heard that word, heard that term. Okay, I'm dating. I d that I just did it, and I was like, I mean, I wasn't freaked out because I'm like, well, that's gotta be normal. We're just we're not doing anything crazy, like, you know, just okay. But I was I sure was curious, and I'm like, oh, I think was that what I is that you know, s squirting, and and then I looked it up and I'm like, oh, sweet, I wanna do that again. That was great. I will say that uh in my experience, what you were saying is those dry orgasms often aren't your strongest.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00My squirting orgasms often aren't my most sensitive feeling, right? You know, d yeah, they're not my strongest orgasms, but it's like I kind of like love both and everything that I I can do because the squirting release does feel really good. I wouldn't want to do without that, you know? Right. Even if it's like, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you choose one or the other.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's like I don't want to choose because the squirting is it feels so good to have that release, but my non squirting orgasms tend to be more intense and more feeling in less numbed out, I guess you could say, and more more intense and more electric. And then I mean you take you take those and they're even different, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You can have a really localized orgasm that's really intense in one one place or whatever. And then you can have those deep like whole body butterfly blended orgasms. And I I wouldn't want to do with any do without any of it. But there's just a lot of different things that can happen. But it was, yeah, it was on a a date with first time sex that I sported and was like, oh, that's that's that. I want to I want to do that again. And it was great because it just kind of unlocked a door. I did do it again, and I I didn't really know h necessarily even how to how to get more of that. It just started happening for me. We do have an episode all about squirting, yeah, where we do talk about here's some prerequisites that if you want to squirt put these things into place. Yeah. So go check out that episode on squirting in our catalog book.
SPEAKER_03I'm just thinking about your squirting record, and then you said, tell me what it was, and I was and we got you to the to the record, and I thought, well, I'm not stopping now. We're not stopping.
SPEAKER_00I had had pretty limited experience up until that point. That wasn't long after I you know squirted for the first time or whatever. So it was bound to be broken.
SPEAKER_03But we had a thing going, so we just kept it rolling.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And actually I I obliterated any record that there I can't count now. Right. There is no record now.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So sky's the limit, people.
SPEAKER_03Sky's the limit. Yeah. We figured one time it was at least more than twenty twenty or twenty-five or something like that. So it was crazy.
SPEAKER_00You get that going and it just loses count. Comes and comes and comes and comes, and that's why you know it's not urine, because first of all, I just went to the bathroom, and second of all, this is I don't have that big of a bladder. Right. So this is coming from, I don't know where the lots of liquid. It is a lot of liquid.
SPEAKER_03One time after another.
SPEAKER_00And I can guarantee you my bladder cannot hold that much fluid.
SPEAKER_03It's like seconds in between, or maybe a minute or two at the most when you get in those roll when you're rolling like that. So yeah. So that was ejaculate every orgasm. The next point was never ejaculate.
SPEAKER_00Um, that doesn't sound like fun.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_00Doesn't for anybody.
SPEAKER_03Right. If you you know, I guess if you're having an orgasm, if you're having an orgasm and you don't ejaculate, I guess that's it's okay as long as if you're because we're trying to break those apart. Like it's not the same thing. Orgasm and ejaculation aren't the same thing. So in this context, that's true we're talking about.
SPEAKER_00I'm just thinking of the the the release of squirting and how good that feels.
SPEAKER_03I know, same with me. So I wouldn't typically I want to. If there's been a time when I haven't, or I think I haven't, because again, I'm not always sure. Do you? I mean, if I if I don't see it. That's true.
SPEAKER_00I guess if you've had if you had a really good orgasm and you thought you did, but you actually never did, I guess you'd be okay.
SPEAKER_03I think I would be okay.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I wouldn't be ejaculated.
SPEAKER_03And it may have happened, but I don't think so very often.
SPEAKER_00No, I'm saying like never, it's saying never ejaculate. Right. That's kind of sad. Like I I don't know. Well, first of all, if you're a guy I mean you can't have kids.
SPEAKER_02True.
SPEAKER_00Which not not to say everybody wants kids anyway, and it's kind of a that's kind of fortunate if you don't want kids, then it's like, oh sweet, like you know, I I don't get need to get a vasectomy or what. Like, I don't know, that's great birth control.
SPEAKER_03I'm gonna pause just a second because I'm not sure if that's true.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I'm sure they can have kids, they have to like extract sperm and you know, get it up into with it, like a turkey baster or whatever.
SPEAKER_03Right. Okay. So it's possible. Pregnancy can happen without ejaculation inside the vagina, although the risk is generally lower than if ejaculation occurs. Ooh. Precum or pre-ejaculation.
SPEAKER_00That's why they say the that's why there's risk with the pull-out method.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Maybe don't do that.
SPEAKER_03Pre ejaculate itself is produced by the Cowper's gland and does not normally contain sperm. However, sperm can sometimes be present in pre-ejaculate if sperm remains in the urethra from a recent ejaculation or in some men for other reasons. Because of this, withdrawal or pulling out reduces the risk of pregnancy, but is not as effective as reliable contraception. Ejaculation near the vagina opening. If semen is deposited on or very close to the vulva or vaginal opening, sperm can potentially travel into the vagina and fertilize an egg. Got it. Withdrawal isn't foolproof. No. If perfect use withdrawal is about 96% effective over a year. With typical use, it's about 80% effective, meaning roughly one in five couples relying on withdrawal alone will experience pregnancy within a year.
SPEAKER_00That not good odds. Nope. No, I would not want to be in that uh no. Okay.
SPEAKER_03So you can have kids without and never ejaculate. So to answer that question, I I wanted to look that up.
SPEAKER_00Here's the other thing though. For me personally, it's like I can I have fun with that scenario, but but not not as likely.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00I I like the mess.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, me too.
SPEAKER_00Um I I just wrote down like, oh, favorite ways of coming, and for me, I'm I'll get to my own answer, but for you, I'm like honestly, I mean, I love when we come have simultaneous orgasms and and uh come inside, like great, you know. Yeah, but I mean what's more fun for me is to watch you come on me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Favorite place is my tits in my stomach, uh-huh, and I get to watch, like, and then you know, sometimes it gets messy, you rub it all over or whatever. Like, that's with like not having that would kind of be sad for me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's a whole aspect of our sex life that wouldn't be there if I never ejaculate.
SPEAKER_00If people are like, Oh, I hate the mess, then uh this may be a good option for you.
SPEAKER_03That's true. That's true. But just never ejaculate.
SPEAKER_00All to say is that we cannot control these things anyways. Right. So let's move on to the next point.
SPEAKER_03All right. So this is a everybody, everybody everyone's body is different. So squirt occasionally versus squirting every time.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03Producing a lot of semen versus producing a little semen. Those are the last four bullets.
SPEAKER_00I'm not sure how much to say on those or so yeah, just whatever the case is for you, it could be that everybody is different, or it could be a matter of arousal and experience and being in good sexual shape, yeah, and those types of things as well.
SPEAKER_03Well, and here's the other thing I want to say that we we talked about in the scoring episode is sometimes people become self-conscious of that. And that's why I want to say you know, reiterate what you said is it's not just pee. It's not that you're not you're not peeing the bed. Um, that's not it comes through the bladder, but uh there's way too much of it to to be just pee.
SPEAKER_00I can tell you right now, yeah, there's way too much of it that I could never hold that much in my bladder.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00And it comes too too frequently that I have a a urinary tract condition called interstitial cystitis that many people, mainly women, have. Many are diagnosed right around the age of 40, and it's urgency and frequency and almost like UTI discomfort and symptoms without having an infection. But you're dealing with a lot of overactive bladder, hyperactive bladder, you're dealing with a lot of urgency, a lot of frequency, and then you go and nothing comes out, and you're like, I swear I need to go, and you and really your your urinary tract is just inflamed.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Right? Which is why if you have that condition, uh I swear by a rice pad, a heat pad, right on the vulva to calm things down. But the point I'm making is that I am frequently using the bathroom during sex. Yeah, there is no urine to be had, and I will come right out of the bathroom and just Niagara falls all over the kitchen floor.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So I can tell you from personal experience it's not urine, and fluid cannot move through the you gotta have that fluid coming from somewhere, you know, kind of thing. So that's not like that, it doesn't matter. Yeah, the fact that it's clear and odorless and tasteless to or doesn't, you know, I don't know the details. It doesn't taste like urine, that's for sure.
SPEAKER_03But it doesn't have that smell, it doesn't have that color.
SPEAKER_00It's not urine. That is clear a big myth, I think, based in society by probably dumb fuckers who are used to shaming women for their sexuality. So but I or just or just ignorant people who believe anything they'll hear.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00But women could still be self-conscious even if they know that. But I am gonna tell you, you should be like loud and proud about your squirting. It's one of the coolest phenomena I think in the world.
SPEAKER_03That's one of the main points I want to make, is I want to normalize that because I have had partners who like one gifted me this really cool pad that's velvety and everything because she was a squirter and she was self-conscious about that. I'm like, I don't care about it.
SPEAKER_00It's thin, but it collects all the way.
SPEAKER_03It collects, yeah, it does. But I'm like, but that's why I have a waterproof mattress pad under my sheets. Right. So it's like I s you know, she wanted to use it, we used it, and I was like, well, that's great. But we just so you know, we we don't need to. You and I'm prepared for that.
SPEAKER_00Never use that because it excites us and arouses us to mess up the sheets. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03Like with whatever it is, she's a wash, and if you get a $30 waterproof mattress pad that's a good thing. But here's a compatibility. Your mattress is protected 100%.
SPEAKER_00Right. Here's a compatibility kind of thing, because it's like if you're with a partner and you feel one way, whether you're let's say you're in a heterodynamic this time, if whether you're the guy or the girl, and one of you is is liberated or cheering on the squirt, yeah, and the other one is like, uh, that's that's an incompatibility issue on bridge five. Yeah. Sexual compatibility in the probably style, which is the last step.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right? Of do do you like mess? Do you not, you know, kind of thing. But if you're I understand not loving mess, but if your distaste for mess is messing up someone's sexual experience, fuck you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know? That's messed up.
SPEAKER_03Well, yeah, and it uh well, and it's like don't yuck my yum, really in either direction. I mean, if you're somebody who doesn't want the mess, you just need to find somebody who also doesn't want the mess.
SPEAKER_00But you've got dynamics like this heterodynamic where a guy would be cheering on a squirt, he would be welcoming a squirt hardcore, and she's the one holding back, you know, kind of thing. And I'm telling you, girls, if you've got a cheerleader, do you know how important that is and how great that is? And you've got to work out your your inner demons, if you will, and and liberate yourself because you you because the other situation is that you have a partner who is yucking your sexuality, yeah, and that is not where you want to be, that is not cool. Take advantage of a partner who's cheering you on and uh do what you need to do to step into your power and your authenticity.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And if you're with a partner who is yucking your sexuality, there's probably a compatibility issue or someone that needs to do some work in deconstructing shit, right? Basically.
SPEAKER_03Right. Well, and I I you know, also in those situations where I've had a partner who was self-conscious about their squirting that they knew they were a squirter and it was like it w it was gonna get in the way. And I, you know, I I was like, okay, whatever makes you feel comfortable, so you use a pad or whatever, but uh you know, eventually it got to the point where you're hot and heavy, and it's just like I don't give a shit. See, that's just relax, and that was like a super turn on for her, and it just like released everything.
SPEAKER_00Yep, and I would say keep at that. If you're the cheerleading partner, keep cheering, keep breaking them down, yeah, you know, yeah, and if you're the partner who is buttoned up about, you know, you've got these inhibitions, take baby steps, yeah. Okay, I I can't mentally I I can't get rid of the pad just altogether. Right. I I've got to little by little get I've been there where you've got to little by little get your mind back where you need it to be.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so yeah, take take those baby steps.
SPEAKER_03Good advice. Alright, the next point we want to make, next major point. Ejaculate doesn't measure pleasure. This is where many people kind of get trapped. They is sort of like if he came, the sex was good. If she didn't squirt, she wasn't really into it. Those are all myths.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_03Um if there's an if there wasn't a huge load, something's wrong. That's an interesting one, too, that we just experienced. If there wasn't a huge ejaculation, like if like if you're like me and you're coming multiple times, there just might not be. Because maybe maybe it happened earlier, you know?
SPEAKER_00Right. I think that we are out of control of a lot of aspects of our body with sex. Yeah. What you I mean, you put yourself in the best position possible to achieve the the best case scenario for you, right? Right. You you like I was talking about, like if you want to squirt, okay, here's kind of the things you can have in line to give yourself the best chance of squirting. Does that mean you can force a squirt? Does that mean it will absolutely happen? No.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no.
SPEAKER_00No. Here are the things that you need to have in place for your chances of squirting. But sex is kind of a crapshoot. Yeah. You put yourself in certain sick situations or circumstances, you do certain things that you know work for you, and your chances of a great orgasm or a big load or whatever it is are better, but you can't force anything. If that was the case, we'd all be having, I mean, God, like, as a woman, I would be having a blended orgasm every time. And and that's for those who don't know what I'm talking about, that's when you have different sets of nerves, the vaginal nerves, there's clitoral nerves, there's anal nerves, there's cervical nerves, and all these different nerves in your body, and a blended orgasm is where they fire simultaneously, and it's a much deeper whole body wave-like sensation rather than just rather than a very localized, yeah, usually in your clitoris orgasm, right?
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00And it can it, you know, kind of stems and waves from the pelvis. Right. That that blended orgasm. Right? And I call it a butterfly orgasm because it feels like a huge butterfly in your pelvis opening up and and with electric wings that are shooting currents up and down your body and down your legs and all of that. So but it's like if I could force that, it's like, yeah, maybe I have one of those every time and throw in a localized every once in a while and a squirt every fifth, or but we can't.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00We we go into these sexual situations and some uh and a lot of it is is out of our control.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so ejaculate doesn't m measure pleasure, and so the the volume of that can vary with hydration, age, medications you might be taking, frequency of ejaculation. If I haven't ejaculated in four or five days, it's gonna be major. It's gonna be a it's gonna be a mess. But what would you rather?
SPEAKER_00I mean, sometimes it's like, hey, would you rather not have sex in five days and have a big load? Or would you rather have sex every day and have sex every day?
SPEAKER_03Right? Yeah. So sometimes it doesn't work that way.
SPEAKER_00So for us, it's like we're more, you know, frequent sexers. We're we're you're probably not gonna have this massive load because you just came yesterday.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and also, I mean, it could be hormones, it could be just your individual anatomy. You don't produce as much in the first place. So the better question isn't Did I have a good time?
SPEAKER_00That's what it is. Did you enjoy it? Did I enjoy that?
SPEAKER_03Was that not how much fluid came out?
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03You know, it's it's not we're not it's not a vital sign we're checking here. It's did you enjoy it or not?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03All right, the final point is porn has taught us some terrible biology. So porn often portrays giant ejaculations or every woman's squirting, or simultaneous orgasms every time. Um immediate recovery, you know, immediate, you know, the refractory period is non-existent.
SPEAKER_00They never show anyone laid out on a bed with their eyes like rolled back into their socket for like and then they're like breathing weird and they like looks like they've It ain't real. They never show that where you're passed out and the music's still playing and you're just like I wish they just show that part.
SPEAKER_03Just just just the just the aftermath.
SPEAKER_00Right. That would be like so funny if they just like showed someone like just passed out for 30 minutes.
SPEAKER_03I wonder if you could find that on porn site. Just aftermath scenes. Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00You know, limp kink is just laying on sadly on the body. No, it's not.
SPEAKER_03It's gotta be somebody's kink. I don't know. So anyway.
SPEAKER_00So well, here's just that's good sex right there, man. If you're if you're like wiped out, we always say you wiped my ass right with your sex, basically. Like if you are laid out on the bed and you don't know up from down and also just pass out into the best sleep you've ever had in your life, aside from going under and surgery, like that is a sign of a good time, I think. Yeah, for sure. So if they're not showing that, yeah, it's all fake.
SPEAKER_03For sure. I love those times, like with this one when it's just I love when you wipe me out. Yep, and you wipe me out. We do that mutually, and we just kind of pass out on the bed, and the starlights on the on the ceiling are on, and we just wake up half an hour later.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, in and out of sleep, maybe.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So more about porn. So real sex is much messier and much more interesting than what's portrayed in porn, and so I think a lot of people get hung up on that's the way it's supposed to be when they when they're watching porn.
SPEAKER_00For everyone listening, I guess, like just whether you watch it or not, be aware that it's fake. Yeah. It's it could be entertaining to you, but it's not real.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00So and I mean the disadvantage of watching it though is that your expectation of then what is real doesn't seem that great to you, maybe whether it's bodies, body parts, abilities, yeah, your abilities, your partner's ability, timing of things, yeah, the men like it's it's just a distorted view. It might be really disappointing when you have actual sex because you are you have this fantasy that's not real in your in your head. And so I I honestly just don't think it's a like worthwhile thing to Well, and my advice is because sex is the most awesome thing ever.
SPEAKER_03Put your energy into your whoever you're having sex with, your partner or partners or whatever. Put put your energy into that rather than escaping through porn. I mean, I'm not a I'm not a porn hater, but it's just because I don't find it very interesting. It's not because I guess I see it for what it is.
SPEAKER_00It just said, I mean, if you know it's fake and you've had enough real experience to to know that, then it's like, what would you rather? Would you rather sit there and watch something so that's very reactive? It's not very active. To to watch porn is very reactive. Would you rather be a reactive person? Or would you rather take what's actually real? And I'm telling you, though, sex is awesome. Like the things that we can do would blow your brains.
SPEAKER_03It's amazing. Yeah. Would you rather be on the field or in the stands?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, active versus reactive, even if this seems better, well, it's not better because you're not doing it. Right. You're watching it. Like, would you rather play in the game or watch the game? Even if the game seems more cool, it it's fake. I guess it's like WWE versus being in the ring and you're the wrestler, you know, and you're going out. Like, yeah, okay, WWE seems pretty cool, but it's totally fake.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, or just anything else.
SPEAKER_00It's a lot more fun and interesting to be in the wrestling match.
SPEAKER_03Right. And it's a lot more fun and interesting to be an NFL player or an NBA player than to watch the NFL and NBA. I mean, I just would have to assume.
SPEAKER_00Well, and those are real though.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So I think my analogy is, you know, better with the WWE and all that fake stuff.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_00Versus being in the ring yourself doing the wrestling, it's gonna be way more fun, interesting. And again, like with that sex journal, you seriously don't know the potential that we all have with and and we keep finding out. We keep we keep unlocking achievements.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So if we're doing that, I'm telling ya, the sky is really the limit on on what you can do. But if you're not, if you're sitting around watching porn, you're not doing it, you know, you're never gonna get there.
SPEAKER_03I like that unlocking achievements concept, like a video game. Makes me feel like I'd like to jump up and grab a coin or something like that. The goal of sex isn't to produce evidence, it's to create pleasure, connection, and the experience you that you can both enjoy. Whether it includes semen, female ejaculates, squirting, or none of the above doesn't determine whether the sex was amazing.
SPEAKER_00In this podcast, we often use the terms women and men when discussing relationships and sexual dynamics. However, we want to acknowledge that not all women have vulvas and not all vulva owners identify as women. Similarly, not all men have penises, and not all penis owners identify as men. Our podcast welcomes individuals and couples of all orientations and identities. We aim for inclusivity, but fully acknowledge that our attempts will never be perfect. We are learning and adopting new language as humankind and our world evolve.
SPEAKER_03Hey, just a heads up.