The One Investment Strategy Nobody Teaches High Achievers

 In this episode, Tara breaks down the neuroscience of why burnout kills your joy, and why "just take a vacation" is some of the worst advice anyone can give. If you've ever sat on a free Saturday feeling nothing, or noticed that you can't stop thinking about work even when you desperately want to, this episode explains what's actually going on in your brain and what the path back actually looks like. 

Topics covered: 

• Why high-performance work creates powerful dopamine loops and what that costs you
• The neural atrophy that happens when all your emotional investment is in one place
• Why rest doesn't work the way you think it does
• What chronic stress actually does to your capacity for pleasure
• What rebuilding looks like and why it feels worse before it feels better

Resources mentioned:

• Your 6-Step Burnout Recovery System™ (https://stan.store/tarakermiet/p/burnoutrecoverycourse)
• Intro Call for Coaching Fit (https://stan.store/tarakermiet/p/free-initial-session)

 Check out the detailed show notes (https://tarakermiet.com/podcast/) and leave your thoughts or questions about today's topic. 

Transcript

[00:00:00] You finally get a weekend with nothing on the calendar, no meetings, no deadlines. Heck, even your kids don't have any soccer games scheduled. You legit have nothing to do. Your whole day is wide open, and by all accounts, this should feel amazing because you've been tapped out for months and you've been desperately craving exactly this.

And yet, instead of feeling relieved, you feel nothing. Maybe a little restless or a little anxious actually, like you should be doing something, but you can't figure out what you try to think of something fun to do and your mind goes completely blank. You come up with a couple of things and immediately talk yourself out of them because they feel pointless or indulgent or like a complete waste of time.

And somewhere in the back of your head, there's this quiet, unsettling thought. What is wrong with me? I used to love doing things. I used to have interests and hobbies [00:01:00] and things that I looked forward to. Where did that person go?

If you know that feeling, and I'm guessing you do or you probably wouldn't be here, this episode is for you because today I wanna talk about what is actually happening in your brain when you hit that wall. So most burnout content. And I say this as someone who makes burnout content, so I'm allowed to say it.

Most burnout content focuses on the work situation. The toxic boss, the impossible workload, the company that keeps taking and taking without giving anything back. And that stuff is real and it matters, and we talk about it a lot on this show, but there's a layer underneath all of that that almost nobody is talking about, and it's this.

What happens to your brain and your nervous system when work becomes the only place you're investing emotionally, not just your time and energy, but your identity, your sense of worth, your source of meaning and pleasure and belonging [00:02:00] when all of that lives at work and work becomes a complete war zone, you don't just have a bad job situation, you have a life with no structural support left. I think about it like financial investment. And stick with me here because I promise I'm not about to give you any kind of financial advice or a TED talk about diversifying your portfolio.

But the concept is the same if you put all of your money into one stock and that stock tanks. You lose everything. If you've spread it across multiple things, one bad investment doesn't take you down. Most of us have been taught, at least theoretically, to diversify financially, but nobody has taught us to diversify emotionally.

And for high achievers especially, we've actually been rewarded for doing the complete opposite for going all in, for being totally, completely unambiguously committed to the work. And that's exactly what I want to unpack today, because [00:03:00] what looks like dedication has a neurological cost and understanding that cost is the first step to actually recovering from it.

So we can't have this conversation without talking about our brains specifically. Let's talk about dopamine because this is where it all starts. Now, most people have heard of dopamine in the context of social media or junk food, or things that are supposed to be bad for you, but dopamine isn't inherently a bad thing.

It's your brain's reward and motivation chemical. It's what gets released when you accomplish something, when you solve a problem, when you get positive feedback or when something goes the way that you hoped it would. And here's the thing about work, especially high performance work, ambitious work and the kind of work that high achievers tend to throw themselves into.

It is an absolute dopamine machine. Think about the rhythm of a demanding job. You have a task, you complete it. Dopamine, you get recognized by your boss. [00:04:00] Dopamine, you close a deal, hit a deadline, nail a presentation, solve a problem that nobody else could solve. Dopamine, dopamine, dopamine. Your brain is getting hit with reward signals constantly throughout the workday and your brain being the incredibly efficient learning machine that it is, starts to take notes, it starts to build strong neural associations essentially maps between work and.

Over time, work doesn't just become something you do. It becomes the primary place that your brain expects to feel good. It becomes the place where your sense of competence lives, where your identity lives, where your worth gets confirmed over and over. Dopamine hit after dopamine hit and your brain will start to orient toward it the way it orients towards anything it's learned to associate with reward.

This is literally how the brain's learning system works. You were reinforced and your brain followed the reinforcement. That's what brains do. [00:05:00] But what happens on the other side of that equation? When you're pouring most of your emotional energy into work, something is quietly happening in the rest of your life.

The other areas like your hobbies, your friendships, creative pursuits, rest. Leisure, et cetera. Those aren't getting the same investment. They're not generating the same reward loops. They're not being activated in the same way. And here's what's critical to understand neural pathways that don't get used, weaken, use it or lose It is not just a saying, it's neuroscience.

The circuitry associated with finding pleasure and meaning in non-work activities actually becomes less efficient over time when it's not being exercised.

This is why when people say, I don't know what I enjoy anymore, or I can't think of anything I actually wanna do, they're not being dramatic. They're not having an existential crisis for no reason. They're describing something that is genuinely neurologically [00:06:00] real. The pathways that used to light up for those things have atrophied.

They got weak from disuse and weak pathways. Don't fire easily. Think about it like a muscle that you haven't used in years. If you've been immobile for a long time and someone asks you to run, it's not gonna feel good. It might not even work right at first. That doesn't mean that the muscle is gone forever.

It means it needs rehabilitation. And the same thing is true here. Now one of the most common and most frustrating experiences in burnout is that you try to rest and it doesn't help you take a vacation. You take a week off, you sleep in, you try to decompress, and instead of feeling better, you feel worse.

Or at best, you feel nothing. But why is that? Well, it's because your nervous system has been in a state of chronic overstimulation, high stakes, high pressure always on, and always producing for so long that it has essentially [00:07:00] recalibrated to that level of input as its baseline. When you suddenly remove that input, there's a void and your brain, which has been trained to seek the work stimulus, doesn't know how to fill that void.

It doesn't have the other circuits running. So it does what stress brains do in the absence of direction. It ruminates, it anxiously replays work situations. It scans for problems. It reaches back toward the familiar thing, even if the familiar thing is the source of the exhaustion. This is why burned out people cannot stop thinking about work even when they are desperately trying not to. It's not a discipline problem, and it's not that they're not trying hard enough to relax. It's that their nervous system has been so thoroughly habituated to work as the primary source of input, that the absence of it feels destabilizing rather than relieving.

And this is also why just take a vacation is some of the worst freaking advice anyone can give. A burned out person [00:08:00] a vacation does not retrain your nervous system. It just temporarily removes the stimulus while leaving the underlying pattern completely intact. You come back from vacation, walk back into the same environment, and within 48 hours it's like you never left because nothing actually changed.

What actually changes things is slower, less dramatic, and a lot less Instagrammable than a beach trip. But it works. And I'll get to that. There's one more layer that I want to add here before we get to the practical stuff. So when you're in sustained burnout, when cortisol, which is your primary stress hormone, has been elevated for a long time, your brain's reward circuitry doesn't just weaken in the non-work areas.

It actually starts to downregulate across the board. The technical term for this is anhedonia. The reduced ability to feel pleasure from things that used to bring pleasure, and it can happen as a direct result of chronic stress, [00:09:00] separate from, and in addition to any depression that might also be present.

What this means practically is that someone deep in burnout might try to do something they used to love. A hobby, spending time with people they care about, maybe doing something creative, and they feel genuinely nothing, no pleasure, no engagement, no spark, and because they feel nothing, they conclude that it didn't work or that they've lost the ability to enjoy things permanently or that something is fundamentally broken in them.

But what's actually happening is that their brain has turned the volume down on the pleasure response as a protective mechanism. It is been under too much stress for too long, and the system is trying to manage that load by reducing sensitivity. It's coping, and it's doing so in a way that feels an awful lot like being broken from the inside.

This is important because it means the early stages of rebuilding, so the part where you try things and don't feel much, they're [00:10:00] not evidence that recovery isn't working. They're the beginning of recovery. You have to move through the flat part to get to the other side of it, and knowing that in advance makes it a little less alarming when you do hit it.

Okay, so let's pull all of this together because I want to connect everything I just walked you through to the concept I introduced at the top, which is this emotional investment concept and what happens when all of yours is in one place. Your brain spent years building strong, efficient, well enforced pathways around work.

Every reward, every win, every hit of recognition laid another layer of concrete on those roads. Meanwhile, the roads that used to lead toward the rest of your life, the relationships, those hobbies, the things that had nothing to do with your job title, those roads got overgrown. They got weak, and they got hard to access. So when the work situation goes bad, when the culture turns toxic, or the layoffs [00:11:00] hit, or the burnout finally makes the job untenable, you don't just lose a job, you lose the primary neural infrastructure through which you've been experiencing, meaning, reward, and identity, and you look around for somewhere else to go and you realize that the other roads are barely there.

This is actually a completely predictable outcome of putting all of your emotional investment in one place for a long time. And the kicker is the culture told you to do this. Hustle culture, corporate culture, the entire system that rewarded you for being all in it benefited enormously from you having nothing else.

A person with no life outside of work is maximally committed. Maximally controllable. They don't leave when it gets hard because there's nowhere else to go. That's not an accident. It's a structural feature of a system that was never designed with your wellbeing in mind. Understanding that doesn't fix [00:12:00] everything, but it does something really important.

It moves the problem out of your personal psychology and into its proper context, and that tends to unlock a level of self-compassion that people in burnout are really, really starved for.

Okay, now let's talk about what actually rebuilds this. I wanna be honest with you here because I think you deserve honesty more than you deserve a tidy five step plan. Rebuilding the neural infrastructure for a life that isn't entirely dependent on work is slow. It's uncomfortable. It honestly sucks, and it will feel in the beginning like it's not working at all.

I need you to know that in advance so that when you hit that wall, which you will, you don't use it as evidence to quit. Here's what the process actually looks like.

First, it will feel pointless before it feels good when you start trying to reengage with things outside of work, whether that's a hobby you used to [00:13:00] have time with, people you care about, or something creative, something physical, something that produces nothing, it probably won't feel rewarding right away.

Your brain hasn't rebuilt those pathways yet. You're gonna feel restless. Or bored or like you're wasting time or like you should be doing something productive instead. That guilt and restlessness is not a sign that this isn't working. It is the exact feeling you have to move through. You are doing physical therapy for pathways that have been neglected for years.

It takes time before you feel the difference. Second, watch out for the productivity trap. This is the one thing that gets almost every high achiever, and I say that with love and from my own personal experience. When high achievers decide to diversify their emotional investments, they almost always do it the exact same way they do everything else by turning it into a performance [00:14:00] project.

They pick a hobby and immediately decide to get really good at it. They start tracking their leisure time. They turn their creative outlet into a side hustle. They join a community and immediately become the most indispensable person in it because that's what they know how to do. I need you to hear me on this.

That is the same pattern in a different outfit. The structure underneath has not changed. Your worth is still being measured by your output. The domain just shifted. True rebuilding requires something that goes against every freaking instinct You have been trained to have doing something for no reason other than doing it.

Being bad at something without it, meaning anything, sitting with an experience that produces nothing measurable. This is genuinely hard. It will feel like wasting time. It will feel purposeless because it is, [00:15:00] I don't care. Do it anyway. That purposelessness is the point. You are training your nervous system to find value in existing, not just in producing.

Third, small and consistent is the whole game. You do not need to overhaul your entire life. You don't need to find your passion or reinvent yourself or have some transformative experience. You need two or three small consistent anchors outside of work, things that are yours that aren't tied to a deliverable that you protect with the same energy you've been giving to everyone else's priorities.

A walk without a podcast, not a full fledged workout, just a simple walk where you're not consuming anything. Or a dinner where you actually put the phone somewhere else and you're present for the full conversation or a creative thing, writing, drawing, cooking, gardening, whatever. I don't care what it is.[00:16:00] 

The point is that it has no audience and no deadline. These feel embarrassingly small compared to the size of the problem, but they are not small. They are the mechanism. The brain rebuilds through repetition, not through intensity. And fourth, let your identity expand. Here's what starts to happen. When you consistently invest in these other areas, your sense of who you are starts to widen.

You stop being primarily a job title. You start being a person who has interests, who belongs to things, who knows how to be in their own life, and that wider identity is significantly more resilient than the one you had before. Because the person whose entire self concept is what I do professionally is one bad performance away from an identity crisis.

A person who is also someone who loves their dogs, who has real friendships, who creates things, who knows how to be present in [00:17:00] their own body, that person can absorb a hard season at work without the whole structure collapsing. Work becomes something they do, not everything they are, and that shift changes the entire landscape of what's tolerable, what's worth fighting for, and what's okay to walk away from.

So let me bring this back to where we started. That person sitting on the couch on a free Saturday, feeling nothing, wondering where they went, they are not broken. Their brain did exactly what a brain does when it has been trained through years of reinforcement to seek reward in one place and one place only.

And when that place gets taken away or corroded or just stops being enough, there's nowhere else to go. The other roads got overgrown, but here's what I need you to hold onto. The brain is plastic. The literal term is neuroplasticity. Pathways that have weakened can be rebuilt. Reward circuits that have been [00:18:00] understimulated can be reactivated.

The version of you that used to love things, that used to have a self outside of a job title, that used to find meaning in more than one place, that person is not gone. They are dormant. Dormant is very, very different from gone the work here. And I know it's ironic to call it that, but the work is slow and it's unsexy and it will not feel like progress for a while, but it is the work that actually changes the architecture of your life rather than just the wallpaper.

And if you don't know where to start, that's okay. That's exactly what I'm here for actually. So if this episode resonated with you and you're thinking, okay. But what do I actually do with this? I've got a few options for you if you wanna go deeper on this on your own. Your Six Step Burnout recovery system is a self-paced course that walks you through the full framework I use with clients, including how to start rebuilding your life outside of work in a way [00:19:00] that actually sticks.

You can find the link in the show notes if that's something of interest to you, or if you wanna work through this with me directly, I have a limited number of coaching spots available right now. You can book an intro call through the link in the show notes as well, and we'll figure out together whether this is the right fit.

And ultimately, if this episode hit differently, maybe for someone in your life, maybe that's a friend, a partner or colleague, share it with them. Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do for someone in burnout is hand them language for what's happening. All right, friend. That is all I have for you today.

I'll see you next time. Make sure to take care of yourself and make good choices.