A Dash of Salt - Finding and Nurturing Friendships

In this episode of "A Dash of Salt," hosts Stacy McCracken and Sharon Mawet discuss the importance of friendships and mental health. They highlight Mel Robbins' advice on self-love and positivity, emphasizing the benefits of starting the day with a positive affirmation. They delve into the impact of loneliness, citing a US Surgeon General report that links loneliness to significant health risks, including heart disease, stroke, dementia, and premature death. They stress the value of in-person interactions and the challenges of remote work. They also share personal anecdotes and strategies for maintaining friendships and combating loneliness, such as intentional networking, joining meetups, and reaching out to acquaintances. They conclude by recommending books on building relationships and encouraging listeners to connect with others.

Action Items

•  Open your contact list and reach out to a friend or acquaintance you haven't spoken to in a while.
• Consider joining a local meetup group or alumni association to expand your social circle.
• Make a habit of reaching out to someone in your network at least once a week, even just to say hello.

Resources

If you are feeling distressed and need to talk to a counselor, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). 

By calling or texting 988, you'll connect with mental health professionals with the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Books in this episode: 

How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie

Never Eat Alone, by Keith Ferrazzi

Engagement Question

What are you most passionate about right now?

Challenge
Reach out to someone in the next week to re-connect and check in.

Follow us on Instagram: @twosaltywomen

Chapters

• 1:18 Weekly Spark
• 3:14 Main Topic - Friendships
• 22:28 Salt's Kitchen

Transcript

Speakers

1

Speaker 1

0:09

Music. Here we are welcome to episode three. Yeah, Hey there. Welcome to a dash of salt, where two salty women sprinkle a little flavor into your everyday journey through work, play, a little bit of playfulness, some personal growth thrown in there. I am Stacy McCracken, your co host, a small town girl from the Midwest, from a place called Peru, Indiana. It's a real place. And now I live in Austin, Texas, and Austin Texas home,

2

Speaker 2

0:40

yeah, there you go. And I'm Sharon Mawet, your salty companion. I am a native Texan, yeah, with a knife for Baking, baking, I should say baking up big dreams.

1

Speaker 1

0:51

We are together again to infuse a little saltiness into your world. Absolutely,

2

Speaker 2

0:56

whether it's spicing up your career or seasoning your personal growth, we have got you covered. So sit back, relax and, you know, enjoy the ride. Yeah, if this is your first time joining us, thank you for tuning in. And we can't wait to share today's episode with you. Yeah,

1

Speaker 1

1:18

I'm really excited about today's episode, sure, and it's weekly spark time. I think, I think you are doing the weekly spark today.

2

Speaker 2

1:26

I know, well, I'm enjoying listening to other podcasts as well and get my little spark from but I listen to the Mel Robbins podcast, and she said one of the best things you can do for your self or for relationships that you have is to love yourself, taking the time to discover who your authentic self is really does wonders for boosting your self esteem, self esteem, which in turn builds more positive relationships. So she the weekly Spark is she remit recommended starting each and every day, start your very first thing in your morning by looking yourself in the mirror, right? And tell yourself something positive. But more importantly, she said, give yourself a high five in the mirror.

1

Speaker 1

2:13

I love that. I love that. Mel, you're doing great stuff. I love how you inspire people. So thank you so much. I love that idea. And if I feel a little weird, but I feel, I guess, yeah, just get over it, right? Feel weird,

2

Speaker 2

2:27

but that is the point. As you do it repetitively. This just small action to say, you know, I'm going to have a great day. High five yourself in the mirror. Or you say you're beautiful, and high five yourself in the mirror, or say something positive and really give yourself a boost. She says, amazing how it really changes your mental game.

1

Speaker 1

2:47

It does right? Mindset is such a big part of just quality of life, right? That mindset that you enter into the day with, you know, I know we started the day out with a walk this morning, right? We went and went for a walk in the sunshine and in, you know, just to try to get some of that energy right, and to to rev us up to have a great day today. Yeah, so,

3:14

so Stacy, what are we talking about today? So we are

1

Speaker 1

3:17

actually going to focus a little bit on mental health, but really around the aspect of friendships, great, and so I thought it seemed appropriate Absolutely. So you know, I love that shared is in my life and a friend, and I know that it helps my mental health dramatically. If you haven't listened to our intro and our background about our relationship. You know, we work together for years, and so I know that when either one of us was having a stressful day, just being able to check in with each other, yep,

3:53

and have some

3:55

place to bed, I

2

Speaker 2

3:56

need to vent. Stay safe for five minutes, and then I can move on to something more positive, yes, right?

1

Speaker 1

4:01

And there's actually some science related to that allowing yourself, like, don't say, well, I shouldn't be frustrated, or I shouldn't do that. But there's some science that says, Give yourself the space to go. Okay, I've got one minute. I've got five minutes to just get this out of my brain and let go of it, yeah, yeah, so that I can move on. Otherwise, it just stays in and it just builds on this.

2

Speaker 2

4:29

There's a popular DJ here in the DFW metroplex, and I always kept her advice. She says, if you have a disappointment or you have a breakup, or whatever she's like, dwell in the misery. Be sad, be upset, be mad, but give yourself a timeline. You know, if you have a bad breakup, you know, I'm going to be sad for a week and then move on. Or, you know, I got bad news today. You know what? I'm going to and pick your amount of time. And then move on. And that has been that tip has done a lot for my mental health game,

1

Speaker 1

5:04

I love it. I love it. So we're, you know, we're going to focus on on those things right mindset and friendships and how those things can really have such a huge impact on our lives. You know, there's a few statistics that I'm going to make sure I get these right, but this is what inspired me to want to talk about this. So a recent Pew Research study said us adults believe that having close friends is extremely important, or very important for living a fulfilling life. Should be no surprise, right? We all think having close relationships is really important, right? But get this, the US Surgeon General found in a study that they did that loneliness is now a public health epidemic. Yep, believe it, you know, and according to the report, that loneliness can significantly impact overall health and well being. So it increases the risk of heart disease by 29% it increases the risk of stroke by 32% it increases the risk of dementia by 50% Can you believe that 50% and it increases the risk of premature death by 60% and they compared that, they said that's the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day, the increase of loneliness and premature death.

2

Speaker 2

6:33

That's scary. Fact, she just presented Stacy,

1

Speaker 1

6:36

you know? And so it's not just about your health, right? So loneliness and isolation impacts your mental health, right? It is one of the contributing factors to suicide and depression, right? And it also impacts work productivity, yes, right? And you know, when so many people are working from home now that level of isolation, it isn't that they aren't being productive from by working from home, but there's a level of isolation that have that we have to be mindful of. Yeah, right, and how we prevent those folks from feeling isolated and not having friendships and community and things like that, those are the facts and

7:21

Alright, so how are we gonna, well,

1

Speaker 1

7:22

I think let's talk about this virtual or in person, right? Because there's, you know, if you've read the news lately, right, there's this huge push right to get people to the office, get people back to the office. And part of it, you know, people say it is productivity related, I also think it's, it's this isolation, you know, we know when we're together and we can share ideas, kind of on the fly. You can be more creative, you can be more innovative, and also, you know, more what's going on, yeah. But at the same time, this sort of hybrid thing has been difficult for companies to manage, I think, because if you don't have regular days that people are in the office, then I think it's possible for someone to show up and nobody be there. Yes, I have heard that. And so that's a problem, right, right? And so and so, you know, I don't think, personally, I'm a fan of hybrid you know, I I enjoy working from home, I but I also recognize how isolating it is you work from home. I

2

Speaker 2

8:30

do. I switched from having an in person job to this last year being completely remote, and now half of my team is in person on our main campus, but the other half are all remote, living around various cities. And so I have struggled, as a leader and as a manager to say, How can I find a way to connect people through this hybrid model that we're now running in our organization? So it's been a challenge. Yeah,

1

Speaker 1

9:00

yeah, yeah. And, you know, my, my husband, works in a tech company, and he works for, you know, he has a local team, but then he also works with people around the world, right? And so they're always virtual, but the leadership team works hard to come together in person. And I, and I love that about his bosses, that he values that power of even though it's expensive to be bring people from around the world together, there's a power in bringing people together in community, even if you're virtual all the other times, right? Just having those moments of togetherness, yeah. And one of the things that I've noticed, and you'll have to tell me if you've noticed this, people treat each other different in person than they do if they're always remote. So from a work standpoint, right? Like someone may send an email if they have it, if they don't think they're going to see you and deliver it in such a way. That they would never say those things, like, if you were face to face having a conversation like you and I are right. Yeah, I've

2

Speaker 2

10:06

seen in my organization, the people that are remote are used to popping into somebody's office and having a quick question or chatting about, you know, something about their day personally, but their transition to modeling that same behavior through teams, chat group or pinging you virtually. They felt like we have to have a scheduled meeting, and I'm like, no, like, pick up the phone. So in my team, that's remote, adapted to the virtual form of communication very quickly because it was necessary to have a coffee chat, but how can we replicate that virtually? And getting the two to pick up similar habits has been a challenge, yeah,

1

Speaker 1

10:49

and I think it's about building trust, right, that that this is the the this is important enough that this is how we have a chat, and we used to do that really well when we work together, yes, together, but remotely right in different cities, yes, that way of just leveraging chat in such a way that it wasn't disruptive to our day, right? But it was Hey, happy Friday, like we have had a hard week, like, well done us, right, forget through it, right? And so I was our own form of morning high five, right? Our own form of morning high five in the in the mirror. You know? I think that that idea of jumping to the wrong conclusions or or finding it as an excuse not to communicate with people can really then create this feeling of isolation, and then it can linger right to break down friendships and relationships and things like that if you aren't communicating well. So friendship also can change the body and the brain. And so we talked a little bit about that earlier. But I think one of the biggest reasons that connections. And we talked about building connections and networking in episode one. So go check that out if you haven't checked out episode one. But this is so you know, it's such an inherently important part of not just work, but also life. I love this quote. In the face of life's challenges, having a close friend to turn to seems to be a buffer or a protective factor against some of the negative outcomes we might otherwise see. I love that quote. What do you what comes to mind when you hear that?

2

Speaker 2

12:30

Well, I think about our own friendship, right? We approach problems from a different lens and a different perspective, right? And so I may you know, as I'm talking to you, or other friends that I have that have different perspectives, and I'm just like, woe is me, this problem is enormous. And you're like, your friend is like, No, it's not, you know, just go about it this way. Or have you thought about it from this perspective? And I'll be like, oh, yeah, right. Like, maybe it's not as a big of an issue as it originally feels when you're isolated and ruminating over it for, you know, days or hours,

1

Speaker 1

13:05

absolutely, absolutely, I love that. And you know, I think that friendships also protect us in how we respond to stress, blood pressure is lowered. So these are all things that have come up in research, right? Your blood pressure is lowered when you talk to people who are supportive. You and I both kind of tested that like, you know, I know my blood pressure drops if I'm frustrated, and I can just have a quick conversation with you or with another friend that it just, you know, even my husband, right? You know, I can come home and vent a little and I just, I feel better, and hopefully he's not too like, yes, like, oh my gosh, yes. I've

2

Speaker 2

13:46

learned over time I'm a verbalizer. I can get past a mountain if I can actually verbalize it to someone who will listen, and then It either makes my solution much clearer, or that stress just releases, and I can move about and go on with my game,

1

Speaker 1

14:00

absolutely, absolutely, you know, I am. I have a lifelong friend who I have spent a lot of time building relationship with, and so I met her. She lived across the hall from me when we were freshmen in college. Wow, yeah.

14:17

And

1

Speaker 1

14:18

so I have worked hard. You know, we talk about intentionality with networking. We have been super intentional about how we maintain our relationship and our friendship, because we haven't lived in the same city since we were in college together. Yeah, and so we will plan a girls weekend. We will, you know what? Try it once a year, and every two years, if possible. She actually gave me this. This is why I brought it today. So, so, you know, we talk about things you do for stress relief, and we used to sit down in college if we were having a particularly bad week. We were engineering students, and so we were. Out having a lot of big fun, like people who weren't engineers, yes. So if we were having a bad time, we would come home and we would put on the mini Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. Because when we were growing up, we watched, we both watched Winnie the Pooh. Yeah, and the mini Adventures of Winnie the Pooh had three stories. It had Winnie the Pooh and the honey tree, Winnie the Pooh and the blustery day, and Winnie the Pooh and Tigger too. And we would sit down and we will watch all three of those together, right? And we would laugh, and it was just like magic, like it just sort of released our day. And so I think that actually ties back into hobbies, right? Friendships and hobbies, right? Something to release your stress. So one birthday, she sent this to me, and it is Winnie the Pooh and Piglet, and it says, As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen. There you go. Anyway. Friendships are important, and you and I have worked hard to stay connected, and we are actually going to go see a friend soon, and that's our own girls weekend. So yeah, so friendship takes time. It takes effort, but it is so important. I do want to talk a little bit about I know, as we get older, there it says that our ring of friends get smaller, yeah, right? We have fewer and fewer, like, really close, good friends. And that's normal, like, that's a normal, just part of life. Yeah? Then you think, well, I should be why can't I connect with people in that same way anymore, but I actually there's actually also good research and science that acquaintances, like acquaintances in real life, are just as important to overcoming isolation and that feeling of loneliness and things like that. You know, I talked to stranger. You know this? Yeah, I talked to strangers. I am infinitely curious about people, and so we can be sharing an Uber ride somewhere.

2

Speaker 2

17:14

Yeah, she gets busy talking to them and finds out their entire life story before we reach our destination. I would not do that, but, yes, you know,

1

Speaker 1

17:22

but it's about just being curious, even just saying hello to the checkout clerk. Right when you're, you know, I still, I use self checkout a lot, but,

2

Speaker 2

17:33

yeah, but, but your attention to who you encounter throughout the day, you know. Can you offer them a smile? Can you, you know, pick up something they dropped off the floor, right? And noticing people, I do realize I've been trying to make an effort to do that makes a positive impact on your mental health, right?

1

Speaker 1

17:52

It does. But one of the ways to strengthen connections and friendships, I always suggest you check out our networking episode, because we do talk about some really great ideas for doing that. And we actually have an upcoming episode where we're going to talk about furry friends. There you go. And I have kind of a great example of you don't necessarily have pub dog to use that to build relationships, but just a way of of this sort of informal gathering of people. Can, you know, people really can go from acquaintances to friends, right? But I have a whole group of folks now that I could ask a question to that didn't exist before, and they're not all really close friends, right?

2

Speaker 2

18:41

Yeah, because a lot of like, you're not going to sit here and talk to me about what you know, cake decorating tip size will be the best one to use to ice a cupcake. You might, you know, appease me for a bit, but you a book if you want. So you know, having those acquaintances in certain niches is beneficial and can really satisfy both parties in that relationship. Yep, and

1

Speaker 1

19:07

it makes a huge difference in your mental health and your overall well being. It's being intentional, right about how you do that? I would also suggest, you know, if you're an introvert or you think, Okay, I can't do any of these things. Maybe a meet up. You know, if you graduated from college, I would suggest looking for a local alumni group in your area, and that's a great way to start from just finding folks where you have something in common, right? But meet up is a great place for looking for like, interest, right, right? And so I actually had someone in Austin, who's part of our alumni group, say that there's a group for over 50s. And so she said there's some married people, they're single people, but they get together once a month, and. And either do a movie night or have a cookout or things like that, and just really trying to break through that feeling isolated, right, right?

2

Speaker 2

20:09

Or there's around here, you know, I took up walking trying to do a COVID three day walk. And there's tons of walking groups that get together and they just, you know, hang out. Or, you know, Pickleball is the craze of the day. They have open play, just getting out there and meeting new people, you know, and figuring out so it doesn't have to be organized. You can't just show up and and and meet people and have an interesting conversation for the day.

1

Speaker 1

20:34

Absolutely, absolutely, if anyone is feeling isolated or lonely or depressed. You know, we're going to attach some resources below this episode of things for you to go check out. But I also just encourage you to reach out. Reach out to to someone you know, reach out and just try, just try not to prolong that isolation, right?

2

Speaker 2

21:02

I do try to make it a habit of every week to or daily, but at least once a week, reach out to a friend or an acquaintance that I haven't spoken to a while to say, hey, thinking about you, or ask him how I don't know what the kids are doing or, you know, just how they're doing in life. Or, you know, I try to, you know, once a week, maybe meet somebody for a coffee or, you know, try to meet with them virtually, if I'm not in an organized right activity that week.

1

Speaker 1

21:30

I think that's a great idea. I love those tips. We've talked about a lot of things today, you know, I hope that we've covered something that will be helpful to you, and if nothing else. Sharon, do you think I've convinced people that community and relationships and friendships matter, like it's important for your health, it's important for everything? Do you think that absolutely, I

2

Speaker 2

21:56

think I have certainly struggled with loneliness, as you know, I've moved in this empty nest phase and moved to a new neighborhood. And it takes time, it takes effort, to get out of that loneliness trap. So start, as we keep talking about, start small, you know, join, you know, look up a meet up to go to, you know, text a friend, even if they're not in the area, make a phone call, join a Bible study, you know, make small steps, and then you'll get out of that slump.

1

Speaker 1

22:28

I love that sooner rather than later. Absolutely, absolutely. Do you have something cooking up in the kitchen?

2

Speaker 2

22:34

I do, of course, since you have a love for books, I want to recommend two books about developing excellent relationships. So two great books that I think are good resources for making friends or building connection include, of course, the timeless How to Win Friends and Influence People. By Dale Carnegie. It's been out for quite a while now, but the other one, from a professional aspect, is popular, Never Eat Alone. By Keith Ferrazzi, so you know, true to your thoughts, Stacy Dale Carnegie books emphasizes the important importance of showing interest in somebody else's life. So even if you think you can't find somebody that likes reading books, so you can't find a book club to join. You know, you know, talk to your neighbor, ask them, you know, what do they do for a hobby, or how do they get out? Or just ask them about their life. So a great question to ask is, what are you most passionate about right now? So hopefully that'll help some people out there and then in Never Eat Alone. By Keith, he emphasizes the importance of building relationships rather than waiting until you need help. So rather than wait till you get lonely, developing the habit of building relationships like you do, and asking the Uber driver about the day or the Farmers Market booth owner, you know, wait and build those relationships before you need them,

1

Speaker 1

23:58

you know. And that's a great point, because so often, and especially with the economy shifting, and as layoffs happen, and as people are looking to transition jobs, maybe they're in a bad work situation and want to find a new role or a new something to do that is so important, right? The you know, a lot of career transition coaches will say, reach out to your network, leverage your network, and if you haven't been communicating with your network, then it becomes a little tricky, right? It feels off. It feels awkward, yeah, not that anybody would not choose to help you, right? If they know you and that's more about us and how we feel. Yeah, but, you know, I used my network actually to help get lunch, some of my research, and it reminded me that there were people in there that I had not reached out to in a long time, and that, you know, I I may. Know that I've gotta work on that like I've got to make a more intentional effort to stay connected with these folks, because they're important to me. They, you know, and I enjoyed working with them, and, you know, I enjoyed where I met them, and, yeah, you know. So I have to be more intentional. So I think we need to challenge

2

Speaker 2

25:19

each other this week, right? Let's open up our Rolodex, and we challenge you to join us. Open up your Rolodex, find a friend you haven't talked to, or an acquaintance that you haven't talked to in a while, and send them a text or try to meet him for coffee.

25:30

I love that challenge accepted. There you go. Challenge for you too.

2

Speaker 2

25:35

Alright, well, thanks for joining us today. Episode on a dash of stalt. I'm Sharon Maui along with my good friend Stacy McCracken, remembering to keep seasoning your life with purpose, passion and a pinch of thankfulness. You

1

Speaker 1

25:47

did that really well. And don't forget to subscribe to our channel and keep tuning in for more tips, tricks, ideas, hacks, a little saltiness in your day. So we can't wait till we see you next time, check out to saltywomen.com for more content and more insights. Yeah, thank you.