#24 - The Refinement Era

Episode 24 starts as an ad-lib yap and turns into a deep dive into communication, grief, refinement and the uncomfortable shift from survival mode into actually showing up again.

After spending much of 2025 in a quiet season of grief, introspection and massive personal change, Stevi reflects on how loss reshaped her voice, her relationships and her tolerance for surface-level living. She talks honestly about feeling unavailable, questioning her worth, redefining her boundaries and learning that depth will always replace volume.

This episode explores how communication shifts when your life changes, why refinement often comes with friction, and what it means to step into a new year knowing action is required, even when fear is still sitting in the passenger seat.

It’s raw, reflective and very much a reminder to show the hell up, speak honestly and stop accepting anything less than dang magic!

Thanks for tuning into That Makeup Gal! If you loved what you heard, be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if you’re feeling generous, drop a review—it helps more people find the show. Connect with me on Instagram @thatmakeupgal.pod for more behind-the-scenes moments, tips, and all the good vibes. Until next time, keep being unapologetically you bb!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:07

G'day folks and welcome to that makeup gal. I'm Stevie and I'm that makeup gal. It is frickin' February 2026, and I genuinely can't believe that we are here. Um I'm just gonna jump right into it. Right now I'm sitting down and I'm doing another ad lib episode. I'm planned, I've got you know an idea of what I want to speak about, which I will cover, but um I have actually full transparency recorded two previous episodes and not released them. And I'm fucking sick of letting myself down. So I'm sitting down and I'm just gonna start yapping and yeah, um good luck, I guess. So I do want to set the tone and say that this episode is gonna be largely based around communication styles and the power in actually changing your communication style and expectation. Because what happens is your tone shifts for everything in relationships, in jobs, in career, in everything. The power in the way that you give and receive communication is fucking it's pretty big, and I didn't actually realize this until recently, which is why obviously I'm just gonna have a yap about it. So 2026 came with some hard realizations for me because I had spent 2025 deep in introversion, and with that has come a lot of lessons, but 2026 was like this huge fucking immediate reminder that those lessons now needed to be implemented, and that was scary. It is it it's it is scary, it's a daunting thought. Um, I have someone whippersnipping, but you know what? I actually don't mind the sound of background sound, so let's just hope that's not too fucked and I'm gonna go with it and hope my spicy brain doesn't get distracted too badly. So, yeah, anyway, uh the the topic came up because I realized with that realization of the changes that needed to be implemented that um my life looks a lot different now from a lot of angles, and I had to sit with it and realise whether I was scared of that or whether I was excited about that. And either way, I needed to shift it to being excited because there's no fucking point in being scared. It it is what it is. 2025 really shifted a lot of things in my life, um, some voluntarily and some just happened because that's what happens when you're deep in learning mode, I guess. I was learning all the lessons, I was taking everything from every interaction and turning it into a lesson because I was so determined, am so determined, to become better and to learn from you know the curveballs that happen in life. The big one for me was dad dying, and it will always remain the most pivotal thing that's happened in my life because yeah, the line in the sand analogy that people use to mark the pre and post-grief is huge. Um, it really is. It's not about the loss itself, it becomes about rebirthing as the person post-loss, and that's the part that not a lot of people talk about, and with that comes a lot of fucking changes, a lot of changes. The way you see the world, the way you see people, the way you see your job, relationships, everything shifts because it's it to me anyway, and to a lot of people around me who have experienced loss like this, it's a whole new life. And yeah, the communication style was a big one because I noticed that my communication style had shifted um because I refined my life so massively. After my dad died, it was like everything stopped. There was a big stop, not even a pause. Everything stopped. I had to function in the essential areas of my life, but everything else just felt like I was living in a bubble. It yeah, tunnel vision, it was weird, it was a really strange time. But I kept, you know, reading things about grief and reminding myself that these things were a normal part of it because they were so foreign to me, but I found solace in other people speaking about their experiences because it reminded me that what was so new to me has been experienced by a lot of people previously, and yeah, that was kind of part of what also triggered me to want to talk more openly about everything and therefore communication style. Um, so I guess yeah, the the decision point for me was around, or the realization rather, around seeing that my conversation style had changed because the way that I spoke out loud changed, the way that I saw things and communicated about things changed, and my desire to want some of those things to be heard um heightened, I guess. So, yeah, the podcast and everything, and it I all just needed I needed it all to be a little clearer because yeah, 2025 had been so hazy, and I started to notice myself towards the end of 2025 and moving into 2026 really feeling that heaviness, knowing that there was something better coming, but I could feel the heaviness of like, what there's a big fucking change coming, Stevie. And yeah, I had a bit of that sort of d decision paralysis stuff. Um, I really lacked in motivation. I just felt like I was yeah, falling into some bad habits. So this is me showing up and releasing my first episode for 2026 in February, but I'm still showing up, and yeah, the conversation topic wasn't what I thought it was gonna be about. I had some big plans uh for 2026, and you know, as usual, I live in the other areas of my life pretty ad-lib, knowing that plans change, and yeah, this is not an exception to that theory. So we're going with it, and it's an important one, I think. One of the strangest realizations in all of this was understanding that even though my life looked smaller, it actually felt way fuller. Um, and I guess that all comes down to the refinement thing as well. Refining the way that life looks, and sometimes that happens, as I said earlier, um, involuntarily, sometimes it happens intentionally. But if you ask anybody who has been through a hard situation, refinement is a big key as well, because A, you don't have the energy to put into half sort of half their things, so those gently fall away, and what what is important becomes so fucking important, it's essential. They they're like part of your survival kit. The rest, it it just is what it is. That refinement happens, and when you come out of it, you sort of look back at it and go, thank fuck. And with refinement comes friction. Um, and with friction, communication shifts become really fucking important because you can either move through friction um in a healthy way or in an unhealthy way. And I mean, you know, pan out and look at that from above, you know which one you want to choose. I personally don't want chosen friction, I don't want chosen fucking hostility, I don't want any of that. So the communication shift is really important there. Um and this kind of I guess post-refinement phase, um, that's where you start seeing things really differently and clearly because you're like, okay, everything looks different, it's not just me. Um you you know, things shift within your communication styles to other people and your capacity to be present in situations and potentially becoming or appearing less reliable. Um, you know, and those decisions, whether they are made intentionally or just subconsciously, because your energy is depleted, the inability to reply to people is understood by some and absolutely not by others, and you can't change that. That acceptance is also very prevalent there because it's like I can't face the world today, and anybody that needs me will either understand that or they'll take it personally, and either way, I have no control over that, so I'm just gonna be present as myself in this moment, but it is a hard thing to journey through because it's often a really different way that you are used to seeing yourself, so like you know, when your reply rate changes or how available you are to other people changes. I often found myself having moments where I was like, Am I a fucking shit person? How does this make me a shit friend? Putting myself first, does this make me a shit friend? And there were times where I was like, Yep, you're a fucking terrible person, Stevie. But then, you know, I snap out of it from a rational perspective and realise that putting myself first, as uncomfortable as it is, is never going to be the bad decision in life. Because being f centered in your life means that everything else around you is going to fit really fucking well because you are centered and you know what you want, you know what it's gonna look like and what it takes to get there. The things that fall away in those moments it's really fucking unfortunate and sad at times, but they are out of your control um and everybody needs different things, so yeah, that acceptance in the refinement phase is often really fucking hard. Um, and acceptance in the communication shift is also really hard because it also means that while you reply in depth and my relationships felt much more intense and raw, the other side of that was that I was completely unavailable for anything other than that. It was literally all or nothing. Um yeah. So I've spoken a lot throughout the episodes on the topic of honesty and integrity, I guess. The fact that to me, depth will always replace volume. Like, I don't give a fuck how many people are involved in the circle if they're all surface level and can't have, you know, deep, interesting conversations or interactions, I can't be there. Um, that capacity changes, and when it changes, it's important to show up really honesty, honestly, sorry, in those moments. Um, and I speak about that a lot because it is one thing that I noticed very, very clearly in my life when my ability to show up in any other way other than my survival mode was there. It's a big fucking mirror to look into. And for me, I saw the fact that I was kind of half-living, and with half-living meant that I was half existing in situations and people I was allowing people to interpret me however they needed to interpret me, and letting a lot of my honesty and needs go by the wayside because what showed up for me also was that my self-worth was really low, and that meant that I accepted a lot less than what I actually probably deserved. And again, like all of those things are really hard realizations to see about yourself. It's like to put it in a nutshell, I allowed people to treat me pretty fucking poorly, and I allowed myself to exist in situations that were not healthy because I didn't value myself and I didn't value what I bought to the world, so I yeah, don't think I need to elaborate any further on that, but yeah, that performative stuff kind of falls away when you have hard things happen when you are there warts and all and showing up in complete vulnerability, your performative ability, like the way that you show up in a room, is different, and it's with that complete honesty and vulnerability that you see the shift in your relationships, and you see the importance of that shift because your communication changes and the way that people love you changes, and all of what happens through complete vulnerability and honesty, it changes everything. I saw my relationships differently, I saw the way that I wanted to be loved differently because my needs shifted. I saw what I wanted to receive and give, and I saw I just saw everything and that that moment of compla fuck, I'm about to sound like an absolute wanker, but that moment of clarity that people speak about is fucking legit. What comes from moments of clarity is big pivotal lessons where you see the forest through the trees and you're like, uh-huh, well, we're not doing that anymore. Let's shift. So, yeah, since I spent 2025 deep in that sort of shift mode, I guess, having those moments of clarity and having those deep reflective chapters. I now know that 2026 is the year of action, and yeah, honestly, like I said, does it scare me? Does it excite me? I think it's both. And I'm realizing that I can't escape either of those feelings. Um, and while I want it to be full excitement, maybe I just need to know how to turn the fear into a driving force. Yeah, that fear of stepping over the line and changing from existing into actioning, yeah, it's an overwhelming one. But I'm very excited, and it's kind of just something that's been sitting with me recently, and it's gonna carry into everything that I do. So I wanted this to be, it's obviously only gonna be a short episode, but just a little reminder to just show the fuck up and um you know to myself and maybe I don't know any ears that this might listen that sorry, fuck anyone that might be listening to this. It can be an ongoing thought, an ongoing, ever-evolving thought. Um, and that's what I think that's what this is gonna be. I don't think anxiety or that fear of actioning change is gonna go anywhere anytime soon. So I'm gonna wrap it up and carry it with me as an ever-evolving thought. And this is something, as I said, that I've been noticing a lot in myself as it keeps changing, and I plan to keep figuring it out as I go. So, yeah. Communication changes shift your entire existence, they shift the way that you receive things, they shift the way that you experience things. So I highly encourage you to just have a bit of a think on how you let people speak to you, how you uh experience um emotions when people speak to you that upsets you or affects you. Um, and reflect on that. Do you like it? Do you want it to change? Because change starts with you, my love. And yeah, you can't implement change without first thinking about the things that might need to have that change implemented. And don't let yourself experience anything less than fucking magic. That's all I'll say. You know? I'll catch you in the next one. Bye.