Small Changes For Happiness While Progressing Thru Life: Practical Mindset Shifts for the Journey

This episode is packed with practical life tips for finding peace in the in-between where you are and where you want to be. I'll help you answer:

✨How do you stay happy when your life isn't where you want it to be yet?  

✨How do you feel grateful and satisfied for where you are right now, while you’re still working toward something more? 

✨ How to know when to pivot vs. push through...are those obstacles helping you grow or signs you need to change?

✨ How to make small changes that create lasting personal growth, track progress and stay motivated?

Stop waiting to be happy "when you get there." Learn holistic wellness strategies for being present NOW while still moving forward.

Transcript

How do you stay happy when your life isn't where you want it to be yet? How do you feel grateful and satisfied for where you are right now, while you’re still working toward something more? And maybe most importantly, how do you know if you're on the right path or if it's time to adjust and try something different? How do you know if these are obstacles to help you grow or signs that you aren’t headed in the right direction? I’ll share some tips on how to get those answers and practical ways to reassess where you’re at and where you’re going.

This podcast is about simple changes to create more calm and peace in your life. You don’t have to feel overwhelmed and overhaul your whole life all at once. Just a few small changes and you can stop dreaming of your better life and begin to live it!

Welcome back, my friends, or welcome for the first time. No matter who you are or how you got here, if you just found us or someone shared this with you, I'm so happy you're here listening. We’ve got some important stuff to think about with where we were, where we are now and where we’re going and how to find happiness in all of it. I think that most of us are somewhere in between where we were and where we want to be, we're in the middle of the journey. And if we're always waiting to be happy "when we get there," we're going to miss out on so much life that's happening right now, in this moment. So let's talk about how to be happy in the meantime, how to trust yourself when things feel uncertain, and how to know when to keep pushing forward versus when to pivot and try a different direction.

Something that we have touched on in my past podcasts and that is gratitude and its impact on happiness, and I'm not just talking about feeling thankful once in a while. I'm talking about gratitude as a practice, as a way of seeing the world by making a conscious daily choice to see it with our grateful glasses on. There have been multiple studies over the past couple of decades that show a powerful connection between gratitude and life satisfaction. Research has shown that people who consistently choose gratitude have higher life satisfaction and better mental health. They also had fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression. And what's really interesting is that the research suggests that gratitude works in both directions. When you practice gratitude, you feel happier. But also, when you feel happier and more satisfied with your life, you're more likely to notice things to be grateful for. It creates this beautiful loop in your life. Scientists call this the "broaden-and-build theory"...basically, when you feel grateful, you experience more positive emotions, which expands your thinking, which increases your life satisfaction, which makes you notice more good things, and around and around it goes.

But I know what some of you might be thinking right now. "That's great, Shirley, but what if my life actually isn't where I want it to be? What if I'm struggling financially, or I'm in a job I hate, or my relationship is falling apart? How am I supposed to feel grateful when things genuinely are not good?" And I hear that. So let’s be clear that practicing gratitude doesn't mean ignoring your problems or pretending everything is fine when it's not. That's actually called toxic positivity which as you can imagine, as it sounds, it’s not as good or helpful as genuine positivity. Toxic positivity is when we use positive thinking as a way to dismiss, invalidate, or suppress our true human emotions. It's that pressure to be happy all the time, to always look on the bright side, to never complain or feel negative emotions but that’s not real life is it?

Toxic positivity tells you that your real feelings are wrong or bad and that if you're not happy, it's because you're not trying hard enough or you're not grateful enough and that just creates more shame around normal human emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or disappointment. And when you suppress those emotions instead of processing them, they don't go away – they just go underground and cause more problems later. They come back as mental or physical health issues because what you bury doesn’t go away...it’s like a huge emotional mushroom that grows in the darkness.

And we sometimes create add to this toxic positivity without meaning to...when someone loses their job and we say "Don't be upset! At least you have your health!" Or someone's going through a divorce and we say, "Just stay positive! You'll find someone better!" Or the worst is when someone's struggling with depression and they're told, "You just need to be more grateful for what you have." These responses, even though they're often well-intentioned, are actually invalidating. They're telling the person that their pain doesn't matter, that they shouldn't feel what they're feeling. Real, healthy positivity is different. It doesn't deny the hard stuff but instead allows space for it. It says, "Yes, this is really difficult. Yes, you're allowed to feel sad or angry or scared. And also, let's see if we can find some resources or some hope or some meaning in this situation." It's both-and, not either-or. So when I talk about practicing gratitude while your life isn't where you want it to be, I'm not suggesting you plaster a smile on your face and pretend everything's great. I'm asking can you acknowledge how far you've come while still wanting to go further? Can you appreciate what's working in your life while also being honest about what needs to change? Can you feel sad about what you've lost and grateful for what you still have, at the same time?

You can be proud of your progress and frustrated with how slow it is. You can be grateful for your job and also looking for a new one. You can love your partner and also be working through relationship challenges. You can be thankful for your body and also want to make changes for your health. Holding both truths at once is emotional maturity and involves more self awareness. And that's what allows you to be present with your life as it actually is, not as you wish it were or as you think it should be.

One of the hardest things about being in transition, whether you're working toward a goal or recovering from something difficult, is looking back at your past without falling into that trap of shame or regret. Because when we look back, so many of us immediately go to: "Why did I waste so much time?" or "Why did I put up with that for so long?" or "I should have known better." But there’s another way of looking at that. What if everything you went through was necessary to get you to where you are right now? What if those hard experiences weren't wasted time, but were actually building something in you that you needed to get your here or to get you ready for the next step?

I think about my own life, and there were years where I was questioning where I was at. I was in situations that weren't good for me. I was making choices that I wouldn't make now. But looking back, I can see that I was doing the best I could with the awareness and the resources I had at that time. And every single experience, even the painful ones, taught me something that I needed to learn to make me stronger today, to make me more solid in myself. So when you reflect on how far you've come, try to do it with compassion. Try to look at your past self the way you would look at a good friend who was struggling. You wouldn't judge them harshly. You'd probably say, "You were doing your best. And look how strong you've become."

If you’re struggling with this still, here's a reflection exercise you can try: Think about where you were one year ago, or five years ago, or whenever it is that feels relevant. Now write down three specific things that are better now than they were then. Not in comparison to where you want to be eventually, but just better than they were. And then, for each of those improvements, acknowledge and thank yourself for what you had to go through to get there. Because the you that exists today, maybe not the completed you, but the stronger you, the wiser you, the more capable you, exists because of what you went thru. So really sit in that and appreciate yourself for that.

Now let me share something else from the research that could be helpful. There's this concept called the "happiness set point" or "hedonic adaptation." Basically, scientists have found that most people have a baseline level of happiness that they tend to return to, even after major positive or negative events. The study looked at lottery winners and also at people who had become paralyzed in accidents. And what they found was that after about a year, both groups had largely returned to their baseline happiness levels. The lottery winners weren't more happy as you'd expect, and the people who had experienced major injuries were even happier than you'd expect. Now, this used to be seen as pretty depressing news, because it seemed to suggest that nothing you do really changes how happy you are. You're just stuck at whatever happiness level you were born with. But more recent research has actually challenged this idea. First, they've found that your baseline isn't fixed, that you can change it. Second, they've found that different people adapt to life changes at very different rates. Some people bounce back quickly, while others show lasting changes in their happiness levels. So even if happiness doesn't always come easily to you, even if you feel like you have to work harder at it than some people do, you're not stuck. Change is possible but it's probably going to come from intentional practices and choices, a little bit of work on your part.

Now let's talk about those times when it feels like the universe is actively working against you. You're trying so hard to move forward, but you keep hitting obstacles. You take one step forward and two steps back. You start to wonder if you're on the wrong path entirely, or if you're just cursed, which you’re not. We’ve all been there. And it's one of the most confusing places to be, because you don't know whether to keep pushing through or whether to read these obstacles as signs that you should change direction so how do you know which it is? Well first of all, obstacles and challenges are going to be part of any path. There's no journey to anything worthwhile that doesn't involve some difficulty. The question isn't whether you're facing resistance, the question is what kind of resistance you're facing. And there’s 2 types, the first type is the resistance that comes from growth. This is the discomfort of stretching yourself, of doing something new, of pushing past your comfort zone. It's the resistance you feel when you're learning a new skill and you're in that awkward beginner phase. It's the vulnerability of putting yourself out there. It's the fear that comes up when you're doing something that matters to you. And usually, if you keep going, you break through to the other side and things get easier.

The second type of resistance is the resistance that comes from being misaligned. This is when you're trying to force something that fundamentally doesn't fit. It's when you're pushing yourself to want something that you don't actually want, or to be someone you're not. This resistance doesn't get better with time, in fact it gets worse. It drains your energy and makes you feel disconnected from yourself because you’re not staying true to your authentic self.

So how do you tell the difference? Here are some questions to ask yourself:

First: When you imagine having achieved this goal, do you feel energized or relieved? Or if it gives you relief from doing something you hate, that might be a sign of misalignment. But if achieving it excites you, even though the path is hard, that's growth resistance.

Second: Are you learning and growing from these challenges, or are you just enduring them? Growth resistance teaches you things, it builds skills, gives you insight, you become more capable. Misalignment resistance just wears you down without giving you anything in return.

Third: Does this path require me to deny or hide parts of who I am? If you're having to constantly act like someone you're not, that's definitely misalignment. But if you're being challenged to become a better version of yourself, without giving up the true you, that's growth.

And finally: Are you still curious about where this is leading, or have you lost all interest? Curiosity is a great sign that you're on the right path, even if it's difficult. When you've completely lost interest and you're just going through the motions, that might be a sign it's time to pivot.

And speaking of pivoting, how do you actually change direction when you realize something isn't working. One of the biggest obstacles is the sunk cost fallacy. This is the idea that because you've already invested so much time, energy, or money into something, you have to keep going. You think, "I've already spent five years on this path, I can't change now." Or "I've already told everyone this is what I'm doing, what will they think if I quit?" But when you think about it, the time you've already spent is gone no matter what you do next. So the real question is what do you want to do with your time from this point forward? And I know that sometimes changing course feels like failure. It feels like you're admitting defeat or that you've wasted time. But changing course isn't failure, it's you paying attention to reality and making an informed decision. It's you trusting yourself enough to acknowledge when something isn't working. I mean if you're driving somewhere and you realize you're on the wrong road, do you just keep driving that direction because you've already come so far? Of course not. You turn around or take a different route. That's not failure, that's navigation. So think of these course corrections as navigation for your life.

So let's get practical. What can you actually do, today, to start feeling more satisfied with where you are while still moving toward where you want to be? First, start a daily reflection practice, not when you feel like it, not when you remember, but daily, be consistent. It doesn't have to be long, just five minutes maybe before bed. Ask yourself these three questions:

1. What's one thing that went well today, no matter how small?

2. What's one thing I learned today?

3. What's one thing I can do tomorrow to move even slightly in the direction I want to go?

This practice trains your brain to notice progress and possibility, even on hard days. Because there's always something that went well, something you learned, something you can do tomorrow.

Second, create "proof of progress" reminders. These are tangible things you can look at when you're feeling discouraged. Maybe it's a journal where you write down your wins, no matter how small. Maybe it's photos that show your progress. Maybe it's a list of skills you've learned or challenges you've overcome. When you're in the middle of a journey, it's so easy to only see how far you still have to go, but these reminders help you see how far you've come so you can continue to thank yourself and appreciate your dedication to yourself.

Third, practice satisfaction in the present moment. And this is different from gratitude, although they're related. Satisfaction means noticing what's good right now, in this moment, without waiting for anything to change. It might be as simple as appreciating the coffee you're drinking, or the fact that you're warm and safe right now, or the way the light looks coming through your window. Again this isn't about pretending that everything is perfect. It's about acknowledging that even when life is hard, even when you're working toward change, there are still moments of goodness available to you right now and trust me, the more you do this, the easier it gets because your brain will start seeing that goodness more automatically.

Fourth is to get comfortable with uncertainty, because honestly, you might never be 100% certain that you're on the right path. You might always wonder if you should be doing something different. And if you wait for certainty before you can be happy, you might be waiting forever. Instead, try thinking of yourself and your life as an experiment. You're trying something and seeing what happens. You're gathering data about what works and what doesn't. And you can always adjust your course based on what you learn.

Finally, be willing to redefine what success looks like. Maybe success isn't reaching some specific destination. Maybe success is more about showing up consistently. Maybe it's learning and growing. Maybe it's just being kind to yourself through the hard parts and that in itself is huge. We often set these internal rules of what we have to achieve, and then we torture ourselves when we don't hit those exact marks. But life is messy and nonlinear, and sometimes the most important growth happens when things don't go according to plan, and that messy middle is where the magic happens. Episode 36 talks more about this if it helps.

Learning to trust yourself is probably the most important skill you can develop. Not trusting that you'll always make perfect decisions because guess what, you won't. Not trusting that everything will work out exactly how you planned, because again, it won't. But trusting that no matter what happens, you'll figure it out. You'll adapt, and learn, survive and grow because you've already proven this. Think about all the times in your life when you thought you couldn't handle something, and yet you did. You survived 100% of your worst days so far. You've already demonstrated your resilience and capability more times than you probably realize. So when you're in that place of uncertainty, when you're wondering if you're on the right path, when you're trying to figure out how to be happy while also striving for more, trust that you have everything you need within you to navigate this. You have your experience and values to guide you. And you have the ability to adjust course when something isn't working. These reminders will help to find that trust in yourself again, that knowledge that even when things are uncertain or difficult, you have what it takes to handle it. And then do one small thing, just one, that moves you in the direction you want to go. Not a huge thing. Not a complete life overhaul but what we’re always talking about here, just one small action that aligns with who you're becoming.

What we keep talking about here with happiness and satisfaction and creating the life you want...It's not about massive drastic changes all at once. It's about small, consistent choices, repeated over time. It's about being present where you are while also moving forward. It's about treating yourself with compassion while also challenging yourself to grow. You don't have to have it all figured out and I don’t care how it looks on the outside, none of us have it all figured out. You don't have to be certain. You just have to keep showing up, keep learning, keep adjusting, and keep trusting that you're exactly where you need to be right now, even as you work toward something more.

Thank you for being here today. Thank you for showing up for yourself. Thank you for having the courage to be in this in-between space, this place of becoming. It's not easy, but it's where all the real growth happens. If this episode helped in any way or made you think in a different way to help you move forward, please share it with anyone you know that might need to hear this. And remember that you're not behind, you're not late, and you're not stuck. You're exactly where you need to be to take the next right step on your own journey, your own path, so take that step, and then the next, little by little and peace by peace.