63| Your Journey, Your Pace, Your Life: Why the Path Matters More Than the Destination

Are you focused on the path or only the destination? Are you comparing your journey to someone else who is going for the same things, not getting there the same way? Did you know every stumble, detour and doubt is actually shaping you into exactly who you're meant to be? Your pace isn’t wrong and you’re not behind. You’re exactly where you're meant to be so listen in let’s learn to enjoy the journey. 

Transcript

Are you focused on the path or only the destination? Are you comparing your journey to someone else who is going for the same things, not getting there the same way? Did you know every stumble, detour and doubt is actually shaping you into exactly who you're meant to be? Your pace isn’t wrong and you’re not behind. You’re exactly where you're meant to be so listen in let’s learn to enjoy the journey. 

This podcast is about simple changes to create more calm and peace in your life. You don’t have to feel overwhelmed and overhaul your whole life all at once. To get to your better life, make small changes and begin to live it!

Welcome back, my friends, or welcome for the very first time. However you found your way here today, I am so glad you're with me. Get comfortable and let’s do some vagus breathing to release stress and anxiety and that’s basically breathing in, holding it and then breathing out longer than in. In 2, 3, 4, hold 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. In 2, 3, 4, hold 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. In 2, 3, 4, hold 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

So now let’s chat. We live in a world that is absolutely obsessed with destinations, and outcomes and results. We’re surrounded by before and after photos, by success stories that skip straight from the struggle to the triumph, by a culture here in the US that measures worth almost entirely in terms of what you've achieved and where you've arrived. And in that world, it's easy to start believing that the only thing that matters is getting there, the end goal is the most important and that the journey is just the inconvenient middle part you have to get through before your life actually begins. But what if that's exactly backwards?

What if the journey is actually the whole point? What if everything that matters most, the growth, the wisdom, the connection, the becoming, isn’t the end result? What if it’s the road that gets you there not the actual finish line that’s the most important? Today we're going to talk about why having something to move toward is beautiful and important, but why the path you walk on is where your real life is actually lived. We're going to talk about why you cannot, and must not, compare your journey to anyone else's, even if you're both headed to the same place. And we'll talk honestly about the challenges most of us face along the way, and what those challenges are actually trying to teach us. Because every single step of your journey matters. Not just the steps that look like progress or the ones that feel good, but all of them. Every stumble and every detour and every moment of doubt and every unexpected turn. All of it is shaping you in ways you may not be able to see but they are. So let's talk about the journey. Your journey. The one you're already on, right now, today.

First, I don't want you to walk away from today thinking that goals and dreams and end points don't matter because they definitely do. Having something to move toward gives us direction and purpose and momentum. It gives us a reason to get up in the morning and a structure for making decisions. It helps us understand what we value and what kind of life we're trying to build. A destination is important, but I’m saying it’s just not the most important thing. You can think of your destination, whatever it is you're working toward, as a compass rather than a finish line. A compass doesn't tell you every step. It doesn't smooth out the path or remove the obstacles or guarantee that the route will be easy or straight. What it does is tell you is which direction to face. And then it's up to you to actually walk the ground that's in front of you, step by step, towards that direction.

When we treat the destination as a finish line, we put all of our meaning and worth and happiness into a future moment that hasn't happened yet. We tell ourselves, "I'll feel good about myself when I get there. I'll be happy when I achieve this. Life will really start once I've reached this goal." And in doing that, we essentially put our lives on hold. We stop being present for what's happening right now, while we’re on the path, because we're so fixated on what's coming later. We miss the view because we're staring at the map. But when we treat the destination as a compass, everything shifts. The goal is still there, still important, still worth moving toward. But now every step in that direction has meaning because it’s your heading, your true north. Every day you show up is a win and every small choice that aligns with your direction is progress. The journey stops being something to survive and starts being something to actually live along the way. 

Now one of the most important things we can understand when it comes to our own growth and our own path is that you can’t compare your journey to someone else's because you are uniquely you and they are uniquely them. Not even if you both want the exact same thing or if you're both walking in the exact same direction. Every single person who sets out toward a goal brings with them a completely unique set of experiences, wounds, strengths, fears, resources, relationships, histories, and ways of seeing the world. You’re not starting from the same place as anyone else because no one else has lived your exact life. You bring everything you have ever lived through to every step you take, and so does every other person on their path. Two people can be walking toward the same destination and be on completely different journeys, because the ground they're covering is shaped entirely by who they are, how they were raised, and what they carry.

Think about it this way. If two people decide they want to run a marathon, and one of them grew up playing sports and has always been comfortable with physical challenge, and the other one never ran a day in their life until six months ago and is also managing a chronic health condition, those two people are not on the same journey just because they want the same finish line. The training looks different, so do the fears and so will the victories. What counts as a hard day looks completely different. And what the journey teaches each of them will be completely different too, because they're each bringing different backgrounds to the experience.

This is why comparison is so destructible. When you compare your journey to someone else's, you're comparing it without context. You're seeing their path without knowing what they started with, what they've overcome, what it cost them to get where they are, or what they're still carrying that you can't see. And you're judging your own path without giving yourself credit for everything that makes your journey uniquely, legitimately hard in ways theirs simply isn't. Your pace is not wrong just because someone else is moving faster. Your path is not broken just because it looks different. Your progress is not small just because it doesn't look as dramatic as someone else's highlight reel. And that’s not only ok, it’s exactly as it should be. Remember you are always exactly where you are meant to be.

Now one thing we all can likely acknowledge is just how genuinely hard the journey can be. I don’t say this to discourage you but more for you to know you’re not alone, this is normal and we all feel it when we are on a path towards something bigger and better. One of the loneliest feelings in the world is struggling on your path and believing that everyone else is finding it so easy but they’re not. So let's chat about some of the most common challenges people face on their journeys, and let's talk about what they're actually trying to teach us.

The first and perhaps most universal challenge is the loss of initial momentum. Almost every journey starts with a burst of energy and excitement. It’s exciting to think about a new beginning, a fresh start, a clear intention. You feel motivated and hopeful and full of possibility. And then, somewhere around week two or three or month two, that initial energy fades, and reality sets in. The thing is harder than you thought it would be. Progress feels slower than you expected. The novelty has worn off and now it's just work, regular unglamorous work, and you have to keep choosing it without the emotional high of a fresh start to carry you.

This moment, when the initial excitement fades and you have to decide whether to keep going anyway, is one of the most important moments of any journey. Because this is where the real commitment is made. Not at the beginning when everything feels possible, but in the messy middle when things feel hard and the end still seems far away. If you're in this place right now, I want you to know that this is not a sign that you chose the wrong goal or that you don't want it badly enough. This is just what the middle of a journey feels like and it feels like this for everyone. And the people who reach their destinations are not the ones who never felt this, they're the ones who walked thru it. So if it still feels right for you, maybe hard, maybe tired, but if it still feels right, keep going.

Another challenge that almost everyone faces is the detour, or the unexpected setback, the circumstance that changes your plan, the moment when life intervenes and the path you were on suddenly looks completely different than it did before. Maybe it's an injury, or a loss, or a relationship that changes, or a financial shift, or simply a realization that the direction you were heading isn't actually where you want to go anymore. Detours can feel like failure, but they aren’t, they’re information. Sometimes, a detour is the journey's way of redirecting you toward something more aligned, more true, more right for who you actually are rather than who you thought you were supposed to be.

Some of the most meaningful chapters of people's lives began as detours. Some of the most important growth happens not on the planned path but on the unexpected one. So when you find yourself on a detour, try, even when it's hard, to stay open instead of devastated. Ask what this might be teaching you or where this new direction might be leading. Because sometimes the detour is not taking you away from your destination. It's taking you there by the route that was always meant for you. Detours in real life traffic are to help you avoid danger, it’s where some work is being done and you need to step aside a bit to find a safe path, so maybe that’s what your life’s detour is telling you.

Then there's the challenge of comparison, which we've already talked but let’s reinforce because it shows up on the journey in a very specific and painful way. Take a moment to think about your path and your journey. You're making progress, and you’re doing the work. But maybe you see someone else who seems to be moving faster, achieving more, making it look easier. Do you see your own progress as small, or that your pace feels wrong? This is one of the most common reasons people give up on journeys that were actually going really well, because they stop measuring themselves against their own yesterday and instead start measuring themselves against someone else's today. And that is a measurement that will always make you feel like you're losing...so just stop. The only comparison that matters is to your own path and growth.

And finally, there's doubt. The voice that asks whether you're capable, whether you deserve this, whether you're fooling yourself, whether you should just go back to where it was safe and familiar. Doubt visits every single person on every meaningful journey and if someone says they never doubt themselves, well, doubt that. Your own doubt may not be a sign that you're wrong to keep going, it could be a sign that what you're doing matters enough to be scary and that’s ok. And while you should absolutely listen to it because sometimes doubt is pointing to something real that needs your attention, you should listen and question it. You can acknowledge the doubt, take what's useful from it, and keep walking anyway. Courage is not the absence of doubt. It's the decision to move forward in spite of it.

Every single step of your journey, the good ones and the hard ones, the clear ones and the confusing ones, the ones that feel like progress and the ones that feel like setbacks, every single step is teaching you something. Nothing is wasted and nothing is irrelevant if you take the time to look and listen. The slow seasons teach you patience and trust. They teach you to keep showing up even when you can't see the results yet, and that is one of the most valuable skills we can develop. The hard days teach you what you're actually made of. They show you a resilience you didn't know you had, a capacity for getting back up that grows stronger every time you use it. The detours teach you flexibility and openness, the ability to stay curious about what life might be offering instead. The moments of doubt teach you to know your own mind, to distinguish between the voice of fear and the voice of genuine wisdom, and to choose consciously and purposefully, rather than react automatically.

And the moments of unexpected joy, the ones that appear in the middle of the journey when you least expect them, the connections you make along the way, the parts of yourself you discover, the strength you find, the small victories that nobody else might notice but that you, all deeply matter. They all teach you that the journey itself is worth having, not just the end result. There's something else the journey teaches you, and it might be the most important thing of all, and that is that it teaches you who you are. Not who you were when you started, not who you'll be when you finish, but who you are now in the process of becoming. The journey is where your character is built. It's where your values get tested and clarified. It's where you find out what you actually believe about yourself and what you're willing to fight for. You don’t learn these things standing still and you can’t learn them from jumping ahead to the destination. You can only learn them by walking the road, one imperfect, courageous, beautifully human step at a time.

So how do we actually live this? How do we shift from being destination-obsessed to being genuinely, lovingly present for our own journeys? Here’s a few thoughts.

Start by celebrating your steps, not just your milestones. Notice when you kept going on a hard day. Notice when you continued to choose the path even when it wasn't easy. Notice when you were brave or patient or kind to yourself in a moment when you could have been harsh. These all deserve acknowledgment and appreciation of yourself.

Stay curious about what each experience is teaching you. When something hard happens on your path, before you decide it means you're failing, ask what it might mean instead. Ask what it's showing you. Ask what skill or strength or understanding might be growing in you because of this specific obstacle. 

And release the comparison with others and keep refocusing back to yourself. Every time you notice yourself measuring your journey against someone else's, just quietly bring your attention back to your own path. Not with judgment, because comparison is so common and easy for us all to fall into. Just with a gentle redirect back to the specific, unique journey that is yours and yours alone.

I hope this helps to see that your destination gives you direction, but it’s your journey that gives you everything else. It gives you growth and wisdom and resilience and self-knowledge and self awareness and love that only comes from doing something hard and real and true to who you are. It gives you your life, actually lived in real time, not just waiting and hoping for the finish line. So wherever you are on your path today, whether you're full of momentum or running low, whether the road ahead looks clear or confusing, whether you feel close to where you're going or like you've barely begun, I want you to know that where you are right now is exactly where you are meant to be and that is on your own journey. It is your life, happening right now, full of meaning and worth and possibility. And remember what John Lennon said...everything will be ok in the end, and if it’s not ok, it’s not yet the end.

Thank you for listening today and if this episode helped clear your path, please share it with someone who might be struggling on their own path. Let’s all walk our paths with curiosity and with compassion for ourselves. Let’s remind ourselves to walk it at our own pace, in our own way, honoring everything we carry and everything we choose to put down. And trust that every single step, even the ones that don't look like progress, are taking us exactly where we need to go on our journey of becoming, little by little and peace by peace.