Piece Of Mind Podcast

Ep 20: [PEP TALK] Stop Needing Instant Gratification

• Ashley Badman

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This episode focuses on the delusion of waiting for a singular breakthrough moment to spur personal growth. Emphasising that meaningful change is a cumulative process, we explore how daily actions and choices ultimately lead to profound transformation over time.

• Introduction of the Weekly Pep Talk series
• Discussion on the myth of needing external saving
• The role of daily actions in personal growth
• Understanding the compound effect of self-work
• Challenge the idea of instant transformation
• Recognising self-doubt and overcoming it
• The bucket analogy for tracking personal progress
• Encouragement to embrace the ongoing journey of self-improvement

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Speaker 0:

Hello and welcome back to the Peace of Mind podcast. I am introducing a new segment to the podcast and this segment is going to be called weekly pep talks. They're going to be quick, they're going to be concise, they're going to be direct and they're going to be exactly what you need to hear in that moment, even if you don't want to hear it in that moment. They're going to be a mixture of empowering, motivational, inspirational, but also just the honest truth that you really need to hear, maybe a little bit of a kick up the butt that you need, and I feel like for this segment, they're going to be short, they're not going to be long, they're not going to be dragged on, but you will need to drop your ego. You will need to not take things personally and not say these as like an attack on you, but rather, how can I use this to better myself? How can I use this to fuel me into being the best version of myself? How can I use these words to actually let them land and be like fuck? Maybe this is the truth, maybe this is what I need to hear. Maybe this is what I need to start to think about and get curious about, because sometimes we don't actually want to hear the truth. Sometimes we don't want to hear honestly what we actually need to do and what's really holding us back, because when we know and when we hear it, we can't use it as an excuse to hold us back anymore. We give ourselves back the power and for most people, having the power feels a little bit scary. Sometimes we actually find safety in being powerless, and today's pep talk is all about no longer waiting for a breakthrough moment. So what I see people do when they get into mindset work or working on themselves or even seeing a psychologist or a therapist or joining group programs and mindset programs and all the things, is they think it's going to save them. They think that they need saving, they think that they need fixing, which is definitely not the angle you want to come at it with when you're working on yourself. You don't want to feel like you need saving. You don't want to feel like you need fixing, because you're going to be constantly disappointed when you go at it with that. You're going to be constantly let down and you're going to be constantly waiting for this breakthrough. That is never going to happen. I can guarantee you, on your mindset journey, the chance of having a big breakthrough aha moment my fucking life has changed, every problem that I had is solved and I'm this brand new person in one breakthrough moment is very, very slim and I would say, if that has happened to you, like fucking hats off to you, slay. I love that for you, but the chances of that happening are so slim.

Speaker 0:

When it comes to working on your mindset, it is an accumulation of many, many, many things that are going to change your life. If you think about all of the patterns that you have, all of the beliefs that you have, all of the thoughts you have, specifically the ones that don't help you, your limiting beliefs, your negative inner critic, these patterns like self-sabotage, procrastination, all or nothing mindset, these sorts of things that don. They didn't just start one day. There wasn't just one thing in your life that created these patterns, that created these thoughts and these beliefs. It was an accumulation of a lifetime of things that have happened, a lifetime of experiences and a buildup of moments that, over time, has created these neural pathways in your brain, has created these beliefs, has created these patterns. So, if we go into a journey where we're trying to actually grow, understand ourselves, change, evolve, be a better version of ourselves, and we think that that's going to happen. In this one aha moment, you are really, really, really doing yourself a disservice. What you have to see working on yourself as is something that is compounding Every single day that you choose to show up for yourself, every single day that you choose to learn something new about yourself, build your self-awareness, take accountability, take responsibility, have compassion for yourself, choose differently. In the moment you are growing as a person, and you probably won't see the result of that in a week, in two weeks, in six months, but in 12 months time you will have a moment where you look back on your life. You look back on the last 12 months and you are in this current moment now and you're like shit, I'm a different person to who I was. 12 months ago, I didn't even see it happening. I didn't even see myself growing and evolving. But now I can see it because I've given myself time to see it.

Speaker 0:

The amount of times that I've worked with people and like hats off to these people I love you and you're amazing that have stuck it out for six plus months, who have worked with me for six, 12 months, two years, that come to me and say, ash, remember that time you told me that I would not see the results. I wouldn't think I was growing, I wouldn't think I was changing, and I just had a moment today where I was like, wow, I handled that so differently. Oh, wow, I really showed up for myself, or I'm really doing things outside of my comfort zone. Or you know, I had a moment with my partner and I didn't lose my shit and argue with him. I had something happen today where I usually would have had a massive meltdown. It would have ruined my whole day, but I kept going.

Speaker 0:

The amount of times that people who commit to their long-term journey that come to say this to me is absolutely incredible, and it's those people that actually want to stick it out for those longer periods of time that get to recognize those things. But the people who are waiting for this breakthrough moment, this like I'm going to learn this one thing. I'm going to listen to this one podcast, I'm going to read this one book, I'm going to do this one course and I'm going to learn this big thing that's going to change my whole entire life. And then, inevitably, when it doesn't, you either blame the thing, blame the program, the course, the coach, the therapist, the psychologist or whatever it is, or you blame yourself, but either way, you're sitting in blame and it's not actually helping you.

Speaker 0:

It's easy to say, oh, I invested my money into this, so it should have changed me, it should have changed my whole life, rather than actually seeing it from okay, I invested in this thing and I committed and I showed up and I asked questions and I went to the calls and I watched all the lessons. You've got to make sure you're actually committing before you blame the thing for not creating change for you and instead of saying, oh my God, my whole life didn't change, I'm still the same person, why don't you actually sit with it through the lens of like, what did I actually take away from this? What did I actually learn and how can I actually use this to show up in the small ways in my day to day and know and truly trust that in a few months time maybe it's six months, maybe it's 12 months, whatever that is for you everybody's timeline is different you will see and reap the rewards from the thing that you did. You aren't going to reap the rewards from it right now If you do a four month long mindset course and you expect, at the end of that four months, to see all of the results. You are going to be disappointed and, yes, sure, you're going to have these really cool realizations in these moments of like, oh shit, that is me and I do do that. And there are going to be those moments, given that you're showing up, but real, profound change, where you actually become the person that you want to be, where you have healed the trauma that you need to heal, where you have changed the neural pathways that were so solidified in your mind. That is going to take time and it's not that that thing that maybe that four month program or whatever it is hasn't helped you. It absolutely has. It has contributed to the change that is going to be the long-term growth of you. But you just have to be patient enough to stick it out long enough to allow yourself to see it. You have to trust that what you are doing is going to work. And you have to trust without being able to see the result. You have to trust without being able to know the outcome.

Speaker 0:

So, if you're listening to this pep talk today and you are currently working on yourself and maybe you're new in that journey, or maybe you've been in that journey a year, two years, whatever it is. I just want you to know that if you're having a moment of being like I'm not seeing the results, this isn't working for me, I want to give up, I'm never going to be able to change, I'm never going to be able to grow, I keep getting stuck. I want you to stop saying that to yourself. I want you to remove that from your vocabulary and I want you to actually just focus on who you are showing up as every single day. I want you to focus on the small steps that you are taking every single day and trust that it is working and trust that it is compounding, because it is.

Speaker 0:

And if you're at the beginning of your journey, you're probably feeling this a lot more, where you're starting to question if it works, if you've wasted your money, if you're wasting your time, if you actually are just the one person in the world that is truly broken and unfixable, which I hate the word broken, I hate the word fixable because you are not broken. You're a human and we all have our own shit that we carry with us. No one is perfect, every single fucking person, whether they put forward this front that looks perfect, has shit that they have to overcome, navigate and work through. And if you are the person who is willing to face that, you are a fucking incredible person and you should be so proud of yourself, because majority of people don't want to face it because it's hard, it's not easy. It's not easy to face yourself, it's not easy to overcome yourself, but that's what you're doing.

Speaker 0:

You're literally overcoming yourself when you want to be the best version of yourself. When you have all of these goals of like this is what I want my life to look like, this is what I want to be achieving, this is who I want to be surrounded by. This is how I want to feel. If you have those goals, then you are going to have to overcome yourself to get them and to overcome yourself as a journey, and it doesn't have to be this shitty, shitty journey that you hate and you loathe. It's going to be hard, yeah, but it's going to be the most worth it journey that you ever fucking take, because there is no one more important than you to work on. You were creating your reality. You were the one responsible for the life that you have, not anything outside of you, as much as we'd like to believe that.

Speaker 0:

Take your power back and realize that you are in full control of your life. But that change that you were after is likely going to take a whole lot longer than you think, and that has to be something that you become very okay with, because at the end of the day, it's not actually about that destination, because when you work on yourself, there is no destination. The more you work on yourself, the more expanded your capacity becomes, so there is always room for growth. You don't reach a destination. You're like okay, I'm here, now I've grown, that's it, now I'm done. No, no one is ever getting to a destination. We can always all be working on ourselves. So if you're in this journey because you think there's a destination again, that's not the right way to look at it. The joy of life is that we get to constantly grow and evolve. We get to constantly step into these better versions of ourselves and these versions of ourselves that help us get to where we want to be.

Speaker 0:

I want you to think of it like this, and I'm going to leave you on this to finish this little pep talk off Think of it like a bucket and the bucket is small right now and you have a piece of Lego and you put one piece of Lego in and that's you showing up for yourself. And you put another piece of Lego in and that's you showing up for yourself another day and over time, the more that you work on yourself, the more that you keep filling up your bucket, it eventually starts to become full. But you have to remember that one Lego, say, it's a week worth of you working on yourself and then another Lego a Lego is quite small, so it's taking a lot to see the results. And when that bucket is full, you are finally seeing like, holy shit, I'm growing, I'm doing the thing, but maybe it's taken you six to 12 months to fill that bucket and actually see that thing. And then what happens next is because you have filled the bucket, the bucket now grows. You now have a bigger bucket. You now have more room to grow, more room to learn about yourself, more room to build an even better fucking life than you could have ever imagined.

Speaker 0:

And you're going to keep putting in these Lego pieces and you're going to keep getting to this point where you're like oh my God, I've done it, I've grown. Oh my God, I feel so good. I'm not fucking yelling at my partner. I'm achieving my goals. I'm not self-sabotaging, I'm doing the thing. My ceiling of growth is moving higher and higher. I'm not at a cap, it's all happening. And then the bucket will get bigger and you will to fill my bucket, or you can see it as wow, I get the opportunity to keep growing my bucket and growing myself as a person. How fucking cool is that? Who I am now is not going to be who I am in six months time or 12 months time if I continue to fill this bucket, and that's how I want you to see it.

Speaker 0:

So go out after you, listen to this and keep showing up for yourself. Stop expecting instant gratification. Stop needing to see the results. Stop needing to see the results. Stop needing to know the outcome. Surrender the magic is in the surrender. Surrender to your journey, surrender to your timeline and know that you are fucking growing, but you don't need to see it. To keep showing up for yourself. You will see it eventually. I hope this helps you, love yous, can't wait to be bringing more of these weekly pep talks to you, and if you've listened to this and you've loved it and it's pumped you up and you're ready to fucking go and you're ready to actually take your journey seriously.

Speaker 0:

Tag me, share this on your stories. Tag me, let me know you've enjoyed it, because I want to keep bringing this to you. I want to keep having these pep talks with you, but I want to know if they're actually fucking landing for you and, even better, if you need a specific pep talk. You need me to explain something in a way that's fucking digestible and actually going to help you in your life. Dm me, let me know. Ash, do a fucking episode on this. I want to hear it. All right, that's us. Love yous. Have a fantastic day. I'll see you in the next pep talk.