Piece Of Mind Podcast

Ep 29: You Need To View Your Trauma Like This

• Ashley Badman

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Trauma can become our greatest strength when we choose to heal, face our pain, and reconnect with ourselves. Through this challenging journey, we develop compassion, resilience, and wisdom not available through any other path.

• Trauma itself is not a gift, but healing from trauma can transform us in powerful ways
• The most compassionate people often have experienced profound pain but chose to do the work
• Post-traumatic growth is real and backed by science
• Healing trauma leads to deeper empathy, resilience, and nervous system regulation
• Self-awareness develops as we recognize our patterns and make conscious choices
• Boundaries become healthy filters rather than protective walls
• The "wounded healer" emerges when our own healing journey allows us to support others
• Transformation is not automatic – it requires actively choosing to face our pain
• No one is ever "fully healed," but we become better equipped to handle life's challenges
• Healing isn't about erasing trauma but integrating it into our story with meaning

If this resonated with you, please leave a rating. It helps so much and shows me you're enjoying what I'm putting out there – it's like feedback and it really helps.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome back to the Peace of Mind podcast. So this episode is one I've been thinking about for quite a long while and, honestly, I wasn't even sure how to title it without it sounding a bit weird or a bit controversial. But here we are. I've decided it's time to have this conversation. I think it will be a really fucking good one, because today I want to talk about something that might sound a little unexpected, and that's the idea that trauma is actually your superpower. So if you've experienced trauma, been through trauma, maybe it's not the worst thing that's ever happened to you, maybe it has formed a part of who you are in the best ways possible. And I kind of want to have this conversation around shifting our perspective on trauma, but I want to do it in a way that's obviously very careful, very intentional and not downplaying the pain of trauma. So before you kind of like roll your eyes and be like my trauma was absolutely not a fucking superpower and I wish it never happened to me, kind of like roll your eyes and be like my trauma was absolutely not a fucking superpower and I wish it never happened to me, or you think like I'm glorifying pain or pretending trauma is some magical gift? Absolutely not. That's not what this is. I would never downplay what trauma is or what it does to a person. I've lived it. I've worked with a lot of people whose lived experiences a lot of trauma. It's heavy, it's complex, it changes you and the conversation we're having today isn't necessarily diving into like what trauma is and big T trauma and little t trauma and all those different things I could possibly do.

Speaker 1:

Another episode just on that Today is talking about how I kind of believe that trauma can become our superpower. So I truly believe like if you choose to do the work, if you face it, you heal, you unlearn and you reconnect with yourself, there are really powerful qualities that can actually come from that, not because of the trauma itself, but because of who you became when you decided not to stay stuck in the trauma. I have been thinking about it a lot lately how the most compassionate, resilient, grounded people I know almost all of them have been through something. They've been through dark shit, but the key difference is they chose to do the work. They didn't let their pain turn into a lifelong prison. They used it as a reason to grow. It almost fueled them to want to grow as a person evolve as a person understand themselves on a deeper level. So in this episode I want to explore that. Can trauma, when healed, actually become something that shapes you into a better person, a better human? Can it be a source of strength and depth and empathy and boundaries and patience? So let's talk about it.

Speaker 1:

I do just want to make it really really, really clear before we go one step further. Trauma itself is not a gift. That is not what I'm saying. It's not something anyone wants to go through and it's definitely not something that automatically makes someone stronger or more powerful or more inspiring. That whole what doesn't kill you makes you stronger thing. Yeah, sometimes, well, it nearly does fucking kill you, and for everyone, it doesn't always make them stronger. I really want to be honest with that. I know people who have gone through trauma, even within my own family, who have not gone on to be stronger, more resilient, more empathetic people. They've gone down a very different path, so it's really important that I preface that.

Speaker 1:

But what I do believe and what I've seen again and again and again, is that when someone does choose to heal, when they do the hard, uncomfortable, ongoing work to process what's happened, to reconnect with themselves, to shift their patterns and stop running from their pain. That's when something changes. That's when you start to see qualities in people that feel really, really powerful Not super flashy, not perfect, but deep. And it's not the trauma that gives you those qualities, it's the healing, it's the choosing not to stay stuck in the same loops forever. It's deciding that your pain doesn't get to decide who you are anymore, and I think that's what we're really talking about here the version of you that's on the other side of healing, or maybe you're still in the healing and that's okay as well.

Speaker 1:

Also, preface I don't think anybody's ever fully healed. I think that that is just chasing your tail. If you were trying to aim for this idea of, like, being a fully healed person and fully healing yourself, I think that's when we go into territory of like personal development, getting you stuck in a rabbit hole where you're constantly digging, digging, digging, digging and you're not actually moving forward. You're just digging yourself further and further and further down and feeling more confused and more lost and you're obsessed with, like, this idea of fully healing. That's definitely not what I believe in. I believe that we I just believe that the word fully healed is problematic. I really really do. I think it gives people false hope that when you go on this journey, your life is all of a sudden going to be perfect and easy and free and always make sense, and that's just not the case. You just become someone who better understand yourself, is better equipped, you have the tools to be actually able to handle the challenges and all the different things. So I think that's another kind of important key factor here.

Speaker 1:

This what we're talking about, the you after you've gone on some sort of healing journey is the version of you that is softer and stronger, the one that doesn't. You know, you don't react from wounds, but you respond with more wisdom. That's what I truly believe, like I truly believe when someone has been on the depths of a fucking healing journey, and if you have and you know, like you know, you understand yourself so much better and it allows you to think deeper about things. It allows you to be more curious, which is what we're going to get into. But from that, I do believe people who have been through trauma, been through a healing journey, they have so much wisdom to offer us and that version of you that's the one who turns pain into power Not in like a motivational quote kind of way, like pain into power but like kind of, but it's more like it's quiet, it's grounded, it's really in an unshakable kind of way, if that makes sense. So I've listed, when I was thinking about this topic and thinking about bringing this conversation to the podcast, I wrote down I think eight to nine points, just literally in dot point form of things that I think people who have experienced trauma and gone on a healing journey, what they have from that, like how it has actually benefited them, how it has become their superpower, how it has made them stronger and I'm basically going to list those for you guys. What those? I think it's eight or nine and I'm going to briefly go into what that means and why I think it actually results in that person having more of that thing.

Speaker 1:

The first one that I wrote down is compassion and empathy. So I actually was speaking to a client the other day and that client I've worked with for three years. She is actually a very high achieving woman in her life, in her external world. She is ticking all of the boxes, she is achieving amazing things running a company, wanting to start, you know, even more businesses, all the things and she's really coming back to this point now of just like we have done so much inner work. She has come so far and she just has this deep desire to want to help people. She has this deep desire to be that safe space for people because, as she's gone on her healing journey, what has happened is people are gravitating to her a lot more when they do need a safe space, when they do need someone to talk to, when they do need a space that is free of judgment and a space not where they're going to get like coddled and like, yeah, it's so fine, in a space where they're actually going to hear what they need to hear not necessarily what they want to hear, but in a way that she truly can embody compassion when she's doing that.

Speaker 1:

So this is kind of where this point came from, and it's something that I have really noticed, not just in myself but in so many people I've worked with, is that healing from trauma often leads you, leaves you, not lead you could lead you, leaves you with a huge sense of compassion, like a kind of compassion you don't learn from books or podcasts or even life experiences alone. It's it comes from knowing what pain feels like, from having been in it not just once, but often for quite a long time. Again, I'm not kind of going into what trauma is and what trauma isn't, but trauma is how you internalize the experience, not the experience itself. So a lot of people confuse that trauma is the experience and they think that they don't have any trauma. But it's what you internalized from the experiences. Just because the experience itself doesn't sound traumatic doesn't mean that you didn't gather some sort of trauma from it. So just to clarify that in a really simplified way so when you have been cracked open by something, you just get it. You get what it feels like to be misunderstood, you to feel like you're drowning and no one notices, to carry pain that other people just can't see, and because of that you tend to be more empathetic. You don't rush people out of their sadness. You don't judge them when they're struggling. You don't try to fix things so that you can feel more comfortable.

Speaker 1:

And the really cool part about this because we all know I'm obsessed with psychology and all the different things and the really cool part about this because we all know I'm obsessed with psychology and all the different things there is actually science behind this too People who've experienced trauma and healed from it tend to have a greater activity in parts of the brain that are linked to empathy and emotional awareness, so like the anterior insula and the parts of the prefrontal cortex. Basically, trauma can heighten your emotional sensitivity, but only when it's processed. When it's still sitting in the body and mind unhealed, that sensitivity can just feel really overwhelming or really chaotic. But once you've done the work, it becomes a strength, like your nervous system learns to feel deeply, but not drown in it. And that's the difference. Unhealed trauma can make you reactive, and healed trauma makes you a safe place for yourself and for others. Like how fucking cool is that? That truly to me, I'm like that is a superpower. If you are naturally an empathetic person, if you are naturally a safe space for people, that is a superpower for humans, that is a superpower for humankind, and the more people we have like that, the better.

Speaker 1:

The second thing that I wrote down was resilience. Sometimes people can confuse resilience with well, they think they're being resilient, but they're actually just being avoided. They're actually just avoiding their emotions, avoiding. You know, they're avoiding things in their life and they're labeling it resilience. So the resilience that I'm talking about is through integration, not avoidance, because this is one of the most common things people say about trauma. Right, it makes you stronger, and yes, it can, but not in the way that people think. Trauma doesn't automatically build resilience and, honestly, sometimes it just leaves you feeling exhausted, hypervigilant and constantly waiting for that next thing to go wrong. That is not resilience, that is survival mode, my friends.

Speaker 1:

But when you actually start to heal, that's when resilience starts to grow, not from pretending everything's fine or pushing through like literally nothing has happened, but your ability to face it, your ability to process it, learning to regulate your nervous system and rewiring those old protective patterns that once kept you safe but are now actually keeping you stuck. And there's actually a name for this. It's called post-traumatic growth. It's a real psychological concept. Researchers have found that people who've been through trauma and done the healing work often come out the other side with a deeper sense of strength, a stronger appreciation for life, better relationships and even more clarity on who they are. Like actual, measurable growth, not just like a cute quote on Instagram. And the thing is, this kind of resilience it's not loud, it's not hustle and grind and power through the pain energy. It's quieter, it's in the way that you respond to life, the way that you can sit in uncertainty without spiraling the way, you bounce back without losing who you are. That is real resilience and it's not built by avoiding the hard stuff. It's built by walking through it and actually doing the work. Doing the work.

Speaker 1:

The third one is open-mindedness and acceptance. So one thing I've really noticed in people who have gone through trauma and actually done the work on themselves is they actually do tend to be more open, like less judgmental, less rigid in how they think people should act or how life is supposed to look. It's almost like trauma breaks this illusion of control and needness. You stop expecting life or people to be very black and white because you've seen the mess, you've been the mess, you've been in the mess, you felt what it's like to act out of pain or survival or fear, and so you just stop judging people who are in that place and you kind of get it. And it's not just this like fluffy idea of like I'm just so chill with everyone, it's real.

Speaker 1:

There's research showing that people who've been through adversity and come out the other side often develop something called cognitive flexibility, which is basically the ability to see things from different perspectives, to adapt to new situations and to not cling too tightly to fixed beliefs. And that makes sense, right, when life gets literally flipped upside down. You have to learn to think differently and I found that trauma, when it's healed, it, does tend to soften you, not in a weak way, but in a way where you don't feel the need to be so certain about everything. You're more open to learning, to understanding people who are different from you, to changing your mind, and I honestly think that makes you not just a better human but someone who's safer to be around. You stop needing everyone to like you or think like you or act like you or agree with you. So yeah, healed trauma, it can open your mind and it can open your heart and it gives you this kind of wisdom. That's not about being right, it's just about being real and authentic.

Speaker 1:

The fourth one is patience. Patience with life, patience with people, patience with yourself. One of the most underrated things that comes out of healing trauma, I reckon, is patience, and I don't mean like a force kind where you're pretending to be like chill but you're actually freaking boiling on the inside. I mean actual nervous system, calmed, grounded patients, because when you've been through something big, something that shatters your world or leaves you questioning everything, you start to realize that nothing about healing or life is linear. You can't rush it, you can't force people to get there faster and you definitely can't bully yourself into just getting over it.

Speaker 1:

Healing trauma takes time, it takes cycles, it takes revisiting the same shit over and over and over again until it finally finally feels different. And I think that process changes your relationship with time. You stop expecting instant results. You stop needing every uncomfortable feeling to be fixed straight away. You get better at sitting with it. You develop this weird and beautiful patience, not just with yourself, but with the people around you too. And there is also scientific reason behind this. When you work on healing trauma, you're essentially working on regulating your nervous system. You're moving out of fight or flight mode and as your nervous system becomes more regulated, you naturally become less reactive, less impulsive, less desperate for immediate resolution. You literally create more space between stimulus and response, and that space that is where patience lives and, honestly, that kind of patience it is so powerful. It means you can hold off reacting when someone triggers you. You can breathe through discomfort instead of running from it. You can let people have their own process without trying to control it, and that in itself is huge. So, yeah, healing teaches you that things take time, but it also teaches you that you are okay in the waiting. You don't need everything to change overnight. You trust that it will unfold, because you've already survived way worse and you've made it through.

Speaker 1:

Number five self-awareness. I feel like self-awareness is such a buzzword but like there's no way around it. It's super fucking important. We need to talk about it. It needed to be on my list. So if there's one thing trauma will force you to do, if you choose to actually face it, it's to look at yourself, like really look, not just the surface level stuff, but the patterns, the beliefs, the reactions, the stories you've been carrying around that maybe and most likely aren't even yours. And that kind of self-awareness it's not fucking Instagram buzzword, it's not fun, it's not cute, it's not like, oh, just know yourself a quote. It's uncomfortable, it's raw, but it's also one of the most powerful things to come from healing, because when you start to actually see yourself clearly, you stop running on autopilot, you stop acting out the same protective patterns without even realizing it. You become more intentional, more grounded, more you, and there's research behind this too. Don't you worry, I've got us covered.

Speaker 1:

A lot of trauma healing work, whether it's therapy, somatics, mindfulness, whatever. A lot of trauma healing work, whether it's therapy, somatics, mindfulness, whatever. It strengthens something called interoception, which is basically your ability to sense and understand what's happening inside of you. So you get better at recognizing your emotions, your triggers, even the physical signs your body gives you when you're overwhelmed or you're shutting down. It's like building a whole new relationship with yourself. And once that awareness is there, you really just can't unsee it. You start noticing how you respond in certain situations. You catch yourself before you fall into those old loops and you question your thoughts instead of just blindly believing them. You create space to choose differently. And it's not about becoming perfect. That's not what this is. It's about becoming conscious. And that's not what this is. It's about becoming conscious. And for a lot of people, trauma is the thing that forces that shift, because before the trauma, maybe life felt fine on the surface, but after it you can't really ignore yourself anymore. You either numb and avoid, or you go inward and you do the work. And if you go inward, yeah, it's hard, but it's also where real change starts. It's where it happens.

Speaker 1:

Number six purpose and meaning. The kind of purpose and meaning that comes from lived experience. This is probably one of the most beautiful things I've seen in people who've healed from trauma, including me in my own life. It's this shift from why did this happen to me to what can I do with this. And that doesn't mean the pain was worth it or that you needed to go through it to find your purpose. But sometimes, when you're standing in the fucking rubble of everything that broke you, you start building something really meaningful out of it, and for some people, that purpose becomes their work. For others, it's how they raise their kids, how they show up in relationships, how they support their community. It doesn't always have to be loud or public or performative. It can just be quiet and powerful, like deciding that the pattern stops with you or that you're going to live in a way that actually feels good and true and intentional, because you know what it's like to feel the opposite.

Speaker 1:

And there is also believe it or not, actual research on this. There is a whole area of psychology which I spoke about a little bit before post-traumatic growth and one of the key pillars of this is a stronger sense of meaning and purpose. After going through something traumatic, it's like your perspective shifts. You stop sweating the small stuff, you stop chasing things that don't matter. You start asking different questions. You ask yourself what do I actually want? What do I value? What kind of life feels true to me now that I have survived? That it doesn't mean that you're glad it happened. It means you're choosing to create something from it and that choice, that's what makes it powerful.

Speaker 1:

I really think when people do the work to heal and end up living with more intention, they don't just go through life on autopilot anymore. They're felt how fragile that can be and they make their life count. They make their life meaningful. They just choose to. Number seven we're flying through these, which I love, fucking fast pace. This is my vibe. Number seven boundaries the healthy kind Boundaries. Like I do have an opinion on this when it comes to boundaries, because I obviously think boundaries are very, very, very good. But I want to preface before we go into this.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes people, especially on social media, use boundaries as a way to avoid actually their own discomfort and they kind of like build walls around them that aren't actually beneficial or helpful. So there's just that to keep in mind. But they are good when done right. So boundaries are one of those things that most people with trauma do really struggle with, especially early on. And that makes perfect sense, because if your trauma came from relationships or a lack of safety or being constantly dismissed or controlled, then of course you learn to either overgive, shut down completely or let people cross lines just to keep the peace.

Speaker 1:

But one of the most powerful shifts that can happen through healing is learning to actually protect your energy, like really protect it, not from a place of fear or avoidance, but from a place of self-respect. When you start doing the work, when you reconnect with your body, when you get clear on your needs and start recognizing your patterns, you realize how often you've actually betrayed yourself just to feel safe or be liked, and healing gives you the strength to stop doing that. You stop saying yes when you mean no, you stop tolerating chaos because it feels familiar, you stop making excuses for people who keep hurting you and of course, science backs this as well as your nervous system regulation improves through somatic work, therapy and mindfulness. You're less reactive and you're more aware of what's actually safe for you, what actually feels safe, not what just feels familiar, and that is a huge difference. You're no longer making decisions from survival mode, you're making them from clarity. And I always say this boundaries aren't walls, they're filters. They help you decide what gets to stay and what doesn't. And that is not selfish, that is self-preservation, that is healing. So for this, yeah, healing trauma doesn't just make you more compassionate, it also makes you more discerning. You can still love people and say no, you can still care and choose yourself. That is not you being cold, that is you growing.

Speaker 1:

Number eight so I had done a six-month course like a compassion-focused coaching course, and this came up in that and I really deeply resonated with it. So it had to go on my list. Number eight is the wounded healer. So this one does hit very close to home for me, and I know it will for a lot of people listening.

Speaker 1:

There's something about going through something really hard, some really hard shit, especially emotional or relational trauma, that can leave you feeling this really quiet pull to help others through it too, like once you've made it out of the fire, you kind of just don't want other people to burn alone. It's not about being like a savior or having all the answers. It's more like I get it. I've been there and if I can hold space while you figure it out, I will. And that is the wounded healer. So Carl Jung, jung, jung, carl Jung I've probably butchered that and I apologize deeply because he is a pretty smart man, but he actually talked about this the idea that the healer is often driven to help others because of their own wounds. And that's beautiful, but only if you've done the work on yourself first. Because if that wound is still open, if it's still bleeding, then helping people can actually become a way to avoid your own healing.

Speaker 1:

It can turn into over-functioning, burnout, codependency or getting your worth from being the one who helps. But when the wound has been tended to, when you've faced your own shadows, when you've found your own way through, it becomes wisdom. It becomes this quiet strength you carry. You don't need to talk about it all the time. People just feel it. They trust you because you've lived it. And this doesn't mean you have to become a coach or a therapist or start sharing your whole story online. The wounded healer energy can show up in how you raise your kids, how you support a friend, how you lead with empathy at work.

Speaker 1:

It's not about the role. It's about the depth that you choose to bring to it. This is key, though. You can't guide others through terrain that you've never walked yourself through. You can't hold space for someone else's healing if you're still drowning in your own. So the wound has to have been looked at. You have to explore it, not erase it. You're not getting rid of it, we're not fixing it, but it's integrated. That's when it becomes a gift.

Speaker 1:

And don't confuse that with me saying you need to be fully healed before you can help anyone else. No, because I don't believe we're fully healed. If we can remember that I said that at the beginning. No one is fully healed, but you have to have just explored that within yourself, because that is in your power. When you have explored it, there is more depth to it. Okay, we really zoomed through that. Was that Zoom talking? Okay, we really zoomed through that. Was that zoom talking?

Speaker 1:

I do have another point, and it's kind of not in the points, but I wrote it down anyway, and I wrote down that it's not automatic. It's actually a choice, and here's the part that really matters the most to me, and I hope it really lands. Trauma doesn't automatically make you stronger. It doesn't automatically make you more empathetic or wise or resilient or whatever else we've talked about. If anything, it often does the opposite. At first it can leave you reactive, guarded, disconnected, stuck in loops. You don't even realize you're in.

Speaker 1:

But the shift happens when you choose to do something with it, when you stop running, when you stop numbing, when you stop waiting for it to magically go away and start actually doing the uncomfortable, messy, life-changing work of healing. And I want to be really clear not everyone gets that choice in the same way. Some people will never have the support, some people are just trying to survive, some people never feel safe enough to go there. So it's not about judging anyone who's still in it. But if you do have the capacity, the tools, the support to begin the healing process, it really can change everything.

Speaker 1:

And not overnight, not in some picture perfect way, but over time you get to reclaim who you are underneath all the protective layers. You get to unlearn the survival patterns and actually feel safe in your body again, in your mind again. You get to rewrite your own story. And that's why I believe healed trauma can be kind of a superpower, not because you went through pain, but because you chose to turn that pain into something meaningful. You didn't let it define you, you let it shape you, and that's a choice, and it's one of the bravest bravest choices that a person can make. So, yeah, can trauma be a superpower? That was our starting question.

Speaker 1:

And my answer to that is not on its own, not without the work, not without the breakdowns, the honesty, the uncomfortable moments, the choosing yourself kind of healing. But when you do do the work, when you stop carrying other people's stuff, when you meet your own pain with compassion instead of shame, when you start responding to life from a place of clarity instead of reactivity, yeah, then something really powerful happens. You become someone who's not just surviving anymore. You're actually truly, truly, truly living, and you're living on your own terms. And it doesn't mean that you have life all figured out. It doesn't mean the pain disappears, but you're not stuck in it, you're not run by it, you're growing through it. And that's what this whole episode is really about Not glorifying trauma, but honoring what can come from it when you choose to face it, when you decide to become the version of you who holds boundaries, shows compassion, lives with intention and keeps going, even when it's hard. So if you're in that place right now, somewhere between the pain and the healing, I just want you to know you are not behind, you're not broken, you're just becoming and that's enough. So thank you for being here.

Speaker 1:

For this one. I felt like a a big one, like not a long one, but I just feel like sometimes it can be really misunderstood when you're like trauma is your superpower and people can say, well, you're saying that trauma is a good thing and you're glorifying trauma and it's just not that. If this landed for you or you thought you know of someone while listening, feel free to send it to them. Send it to someone who might need to hear this, send it to someone who has been through it and needs to change or shift their perspective on what being through it actually means for their life. Or maybe you can just take a second to breathe it in and remind yourself of how far you have come. And if you did enjoy the episode, leave a rating for me please. It helps so much and it shows me that you're actually enjoying what I'm putting out there. It's like feedback to me and it really really helps. All right, that's a wrap. Love you, bye.