Piece Of Mind Podcast
Welcome to Piece of Mind, where we piece together the parts of your mind to help you live a life that’s authentic, unapologetic, and absolutely fulfilling.
I’m your host Ashley Badman, a mindset coach and psychology student, here to guide you through the world of subconscious re-programming, relationships, belief systems, and patterns.
This isn’t your typical mindset podcast. We’re diving deep into the core of who you are, tackling everything from self-sabotage and people-pleasing to attachment styles and beyond. We’ll uncover the deeper shit that makes you who you are, so you can grow, evolve, and build a life you’re obsessed with.
Expect a mix of evidence-based insights, energetic shifts, and a touch of chaos as we explore how to heal, optimize, and re-program your life.
This podcast is for those who refuse to settle, who are committed to living life fully and getting the best for themselves.
Get ready for straight talk, practical strategies, and a few surprises along the way. If you’re ready to stop hiding from yourself and start living unapologetically, you’re in the right place. Tune in and let’s get into it.
Piece Of Mind Podcast
Ep 32: Is Your Healing Journey Keeping You Trapped?
Healing has become a buzzword in personal development circles, but getting stuck in the "healing loop" prevents real growth and action. While understanding our past is important, insight alone doesn't change our lives unless we use it to move forward and create something new.
• The healing loop: constantly analysing past experiences without taking action
• The difference between self-awareness and self-responsibility
• Why waiting until you're "fully healed" keeps you stuck forever
• Healing is the foundation, not the finish line of personal growth
• True healing means taking action despite imperfection
• Clarity on what you want is often more valuable than more healing
• The trap of consuming personal development content without application
• How to use awareness to actually change your behaviour
• Taking one small step forward each day builds momentum
• You don't need to be perfect to begin pursuing what matters to you
If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and send me a DM to let me know! For more support with turning awareness into action, check out the Built for Better Academy with the discount code in the show notes.
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hello, my beautiful, beautiful loves. I'm so excited to be back for another podcast episode. I've been getting really good feedback on the podcast lately and I just want to say, if you've been DMing me and if you've been listening to these and you've been messaging me, I absolutely fucking love you, thank you. I know there is a fair few of you tuning into the podcast these days, which is like very, very, very cool. But for those of you that decide to listen and then be like I'm going to message Ash and tell her I fucking loved that episode or I enjoyed it, or that I listened, I really appreciate that.
Speaker 1:Let's get into another episode of Peace of Mind Podcast. So I've been thinking a lot lately about this and I just want to talk it out with you. This isn't me talking to you, this isn't even me necessarily educating you, because I think we have. I think we have enough of that and you're going to see why this is not the conversation that we're having and you're going to see why. I just kind of want to come on here and talk it out with you Because I feel like healing the word healing has become such a buzzword and look, there's a lot of good in that More people are understanding their trauma, learning about their patterns, going inward and doing the work, and that truly matters.
Speaker 1:It really does. This conversation is not to take away from that, because I think it is vital, and I love that the conversation is more normalized. I love that it's more out there. There is a time and a place where we genuinely need to look at our past, to get curious about why we are the way we are and to hold compassion for our childhood experiences and our belief systems and our attachment patterns all of it. That work is real and that work is so important. But what I've been noticing more and more and more is this there's this whole side of personal development where people get stuck in the healing loop, where they're trying to make sense of every interaction they've had, every interaction they've had with their mum, every conversation they've had with their dad dad or lack of conversations that they've had with their dad every moment in childhood, every belief they've ever formed, and it becomes this endless search for insight. But insight alone doesn't change your life and what I'm seeing is people confusing that cycle of understanding and analysing and consuming content for progress, when in reality, they're not actually moving, they're not creating anything new. They're not actually going after what they want. They're just swimming in this soup of self-development work without an anchor.
Speaker 1:I've seen so many people being like I'm doing the work, I'm working on myself, but I feel like I have so far to go. I feel like there's so much more work to do and we can get so lost in that sentiment that we don't actually take action. And here's what I want to make really, really, really, really, abundantly clear I'm not here to just help people heal. Okay, like saying that out loud, I'm like it can sound like I give no fucks about healing, which is just that could not be further from the truth. I really do.
Speaker 1:But I've come to realize after being in this line of work for a fair few years now and seeing how social media has started talking about psychology more and mindset more and healing more and trauma more and all of the different things. I've really come to realize like, what is my role in all of this? How am I meant to help people? What am I meant to be doing? And I really landed in and sat in like I'm not here just to help people heal. I'm here to help people move. I'm here for the person who says I want this. But I know I keep sabotaging myself, I keep freezing, I keep doubting, I keep playing it small. That is where I work best, that is where I fucking thrive, because, yes, I am trauma-informed, yes, I understand the impact your past has had on how you think, how you feel, how you show up.
Speaker 1:At some point the question has to become okay. I understand all of that and I've worked on all of that and I've spent intentional time understanding my childhood wounds and my belief systems and my relationship to my mom and my relationship to my dad and past relationships, all the different things. I've spent time there. But now what? And it's starting to ask yourself the questions of what do I want to be now? Now I know all of this. Now I know why I am the way that I am. Now that I know why I think the way that I do, the question has to become and what do I want to be now? Who do I want to build now? That is a choice you can change at any moment. You can grow at any moment. You can choose to be a different version of yourself at any moment, not because you dislike the version of yourself now, but because you know the version of yourself now isn't going to get you to the place that you actually want to be feeling how you actually want to feel, experiencing life, how you actually want to experience life.
Speaker 1:It's getting to a point where you ask yourself and what do I need to shift, what do I need to strengthen, what do I need to release, what do I need to embody to actually move forward and become the version of me that I say, that I want to be? And I think an even cooler question you can ask yourself, which I did this in my Built for Better Academy community call last night, where we had a whole conversation around this and the conversation was so cool and hearing the girls really share or women, girls why do I say girls? They're women, they're fucking full-blown women. But hearing them share, it was so powerful. And it's asking yourself the question why do I even actually want to heal? Because a lot of us say like I want to heal, I want to understand myself, I want to be this, I want to achieve X, y, z, and not asking ourselves why, even just sitting with that, why do I actually want to heal? Why do I listen to podcasts like this? Why do I consume?
Speaker 1:Content about healing, about understanding myself. What is it that I actually want for myself? That's the work that I'm obsessed with Not just unpacking what's wrong or what happened, but getting clear on what you actually want and helping you become the person who can have it, who can have it all, because you all can't. No one is better than you. I never, ever, ever, ever, ever and I said this to my girls last night on the community call I never want to portray myself as someone who's perfect, as someone who has it all together.
Speaker 1:I think sometimes, when people teach the things that I teach, they want to portray themselves as this perfect individual who never has problems, never has doubts, never has fears, never questions their life, and that is utter bullshit and I truly just think it's a concept of self that people put forward because they're scared to acknowledge or have other people acknowledge. Hey, I'm actually human and I'm flawed, just like you. Because they worry who the fuck will pay me if they know that I'm flawed? But I don't want people to pay me thinking that I'm perfect. I am self-aware, I challenge myself, I face my fears, I listen with curiosity, I observe myself, I understand a lot about the brain and human behavior and all the different things. It doesn't make me invincible. Invincible, it doesn't make me a robot. It makes me someone who gets it on a human level and who also is obsessed with understanding more and more and more about why we are the way that we are.
Speaker 1:But, more importantly, what I've come to realize is what I'm obsessed with is not just understanding why we are the way that we are, but understanding and listening and seeing people when they don't even see and listen to themselves, and being able to reflect things back to people, not just in a sense of like oh, it makes sense that you do this, because X, y, z happened in your life, saying that. And then it's like and okay, now how are we going to move forward? How are we going to shift this release, this process, this, whatever it is, so that you can keep moving forward into this version of yourself that you want to be? We're not just stopping here at the self-awareness part. We're actually going beyond that, because that is what is required for you to actually achieve all the things that you want to achieve.
Speaker 1:And the reason I wanted to have this conversation and why I think it's a really cool listen for you guys, because you don't have to listen to everything I say and agree with it. You can have your own thoughts about it, but it would be cool for you to reflect for yourself and start to be like, hmm, like, have I caught myself doing that feeling that I need to heal more, feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work that I think that I need to do on myself, thinking that something is wrong with me and I need to fix it before I can achieve what I want to achieve, thinking that you have to remove every fear and do more healing and more healing, and more healing. And maybe you're sitting there being like what if I shifted my perspective on that? What if I challenged that? Maybe it would shift how you show up. Maybe it would shift how you show up. Maybe it would shift how quickly you actually move forward in your life.
Speaker 1:Because I do see this all the time People who say they want more. They say it, they feel it, they know it, but feel like they're not ready yet because they haven't in quotation marks healed enough. And I get it, but I don't believe that's always true. I don't believe you need to pause your entire life and sit in your past for years and years and years before you're allowed to grow or lead or take up space or feel joy. I actually think that belief can be really, really limiting. So in this episode, I just really wanted to talk about what healing actually means to me and why I think we need to shift the conversation. Yes, of course, look at your past. Yes, understand your patterns. Yes, be compassionate with yourself, but don't get so caught up in the why that you forget to ask yourself and where to from here, because that's where the magic happens, that's where you actually start to create a life you want to live, not just understand why you haven't yet what I've been noticing more and more and more is that people are doing the work but not actually getting anywhere. And I definitely don't say that to criticize at all. I say it because I've seen it and I felt it and I've done it.
Speaker 1:You go from podcast to podcast, book to book, coach to coach, trying to unpack everything, every moment from your childhood, every relationship, every belief, and it makes you feel like you're working on yourself. And yes, you technically are working on yourself. That is part of the work. That awareness can be very helpful, but if you're not using it to do anything. It's not moving you forward or changing the way you actually live. And if it's not changing the way you live and it's not helping you shift and grow and change and evolve as a person it's just keeping you stuck and stagnant then what's the point? You're meant to do this work because there is growth in it. You are going to challenge yourself and shift and change and become this version of yourself that you're like fuck, I didn't even know I was capable of this. I didn't even know I could achieve those things. That's the point.
Speaker 1:And at some point the healing actually just becomes hiding and at some point the obsession with why am I like this becomes another way to delay action. And I know that might sound harsh, but I do say it with love because I have been in it. It sounds harsh, but no, I am doing it. That work is hard, I get it and I know it is, but it's like taking action is where the actual work happens. Actually, doing the thing is where the work happens.
Speaker 1:There is a difference between, like healing and circling. One moves you forward and the other keeps you stuck in the story and I think a lot of people don't even realize that they're doing it. They think, well, I'm still triggered sometimes, I must need to heal more, or there's still stuff I haven't looked at from my past, so I'm not ready to take that next step yet. But here's what I believe. Truly healing doesn't mean you 100% feel ready. Healing doesn't mean you've resolved absolutely everything. Sometimes healing means that you actually go anyway. You take the step anyway. You show up with the fear, you take action with the doubt in your chest. You move forward while still learning how to hold your emotions, instead of actually waiting until they're all cleaned up and tied with a fucking bow.
Speaker 1:Stop waiting for yourself to be perfect. Stop waiting for yourself to be fully healed. Don't even put that expectation on yourself, because it is so unrealistic. You don't need to be 100% ready, 100% healed or fearless to actually start showing up for yourself. That is the growth, that's resilience, that is embodiment. Because let me be honest with you, there is always going to be more to unpack. There is always another layer, another belief, another thing to understand, always Because you're human and you're growing and new things are happening in your life and you're realizing new things about yourself as you experience new things. But if you keep waiting until the healing is done in quotation marks, done before you allow yourself to go after what you want. You will literally wait forever.
Speaker 1:And this is the exact moment where I want to challenge you what if it's not more healing that you need right now? What if what you actually need is clarity Clarity on what you want, on who you want to become, on what your next step actually looks like. Because from there, that's when you start asking better questions, not just why am I like this, but what's actually getting in the way. What belief is holding me back from taking this next step? What do I need to shift in my mindset, in my habits, in my nervous system so that I can move forward? And who do I need to become to actually hold the things that I say that I want? That is the work. It's not just sitting in awareness, but it is using the awareness to move. Something else I say all the time and I've done this too, so this is not coming from a place of judgment. I promise you that it never is with me is this trap of consuming more and more and more content and convincing ourselves. We're growing because of it.
Speaker 1:The binging of the podcast, we're saving all of the Instagram posts. I know that you've probably read a billion holistic psychologist posts and saved them and thought fuck, that's me. Oh, my God, that was my mom, that was my dad, that was all the different things. You're probably in like a bajillion different programs or you've done programs of free ones, paid ones, whatever it is. We know all the language, inner child nervous system, limiting beliefs, attachment style, shadow work. We've got the awareness, but when it comes to actually doing something with it, it's like we're just circling. We're just swimming around and around and around in circles and feeling. We get to a point, honestly, where it's just like I'm fucking frustrated, like I'm just annoyed. I don't want to keep fucking learning and understanding more. I want to actually start just being the version of myself that I know I can be and that I want to be. I do want to preface here that at first that stuff is valuable.
Speaker 1:In my academy I have all the lessons on that inner child lessons, ego lessons, nervous system lessons, attachment style lessons, all the things, all of the knowledge. It can be extremely validating. It can spark those big like oh yeah, that's why I do that those kind of moments. But if you never apply it, if you never actually look at your life and say, cool, how do I now use this information to show up differently, then the information, if it's not doing that, it just becomes noise. This is why I like the academy so much, because, like, yeah, you have all that knowledge, all that information, but you also have community, where I actually communicate with you, I actually challenge you, I ask you the right questions. We get on our community calls every single fortnight and we actually talk.
Speaker 1:I've just literally put in our chat, in our broadcast chat for the Academy, a challenge for all of the girls to commit to and they're held accountable because they're in there and we're going over it and it's through that challenge that they're going to start to identify what belief came up. Where did I feel fear? Where did I live myself? Well, you're going to learn more about yourself. I told them, by actually committing to a challenge, committing to facing a fear, committing to doing something hard and being self-aware in the moment and curious in the moment. That's how you're going to learn the most about yourself, because I do see this a lot with people who genuinely care about doing the work.
Speaker 1:By the way, this isn't for people who have no interest in working on themselves, the people who genuinely care they, can get stuck in this loop a lot easier. It's not that they don't want to grow, it's that they're stuck in the loop of constantly seeking more insight, thinking that that's the thing that will finally unlock everything for them. But insight is just step one. The power of awareness is in what you actually do with it. Otherwise it's just self-awareness and no self-responsibility. And that is a hard thing to admit sometimes, because it's easy to feel like you're. It's easy to feel like you're progressing when you're constantly learning, but progress doesn't come from knowing more. It comes from actually doing differently.
Speaker 1:So if you're overwhelmed or you're burnt out from trying to fix yourself, or you feel like you've been doing the work for ages but nothing in your life is actually changing, it might be worth actually asking yourself am I actually applying, like, truly, like being really fucking honest with ourselves? Am I actually applying what I know? Am I using this information to shift how I show up and how I think, how I act, how I lead and how I take up space? Or am I just consuming more and more and more content, hoping it will fix something for me, or giving me that nice feeling of just like, oh, I know something more about myself now and I feel like I've done the work, but they're not actually doing anything with it. And I say that with love. I know it sounds harsh, but it's like the reason I'm doing this and talking about this is because I don't want to. I don't want to be a part of the problem of just teaching people, teaching people, teaching people and their life not actually changing and them not actually seeing their true potential. I don't want to be a part of that problem.
Speaker 1:I want you to see for yourself what you're truly fucking capable of, and I know you're not going to consuming, consuming, consuming and learning and learning and learning. So if that is where you are, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It is normal. This space can be noisy and it can be confusing, but maybe it's time to stop swimming in information and start actually anchoring into something that moves you forward. That's why I always come back to my goals, not because I care about hustle or outcomes or any of those things, but because having something you're working towards gives you that direction. It keeps you anchored, because otherwise it's easy to sit in healing for the sake of healing, to stay in the loop, to learn more, without ever challenging yourself to apply it, and I don't want that for you. This work is meant to free you, not keep you frozen. So here's the thing I want you to really hear.
Speaker 1:Healing is not the finish line, it's not the end goal. It is the foundation. It's what allows you to actually move through life with the clarity and the regulation and the confidence and the peace that you need. But it's not the whole story. It's not where the story even ends. It's like the beginning of the story.
Speaker 1:At some point, healing has to turn into action. At some point all all the unpacking, all the processing, all the understanding it has to turn into choice, into embodiment, into doing something differently, because otherwise, what are we even doing? Are we just going to keep learning more about our childhoods until we forget we're adults who get to make a choice now? Are we going to keep pointing to our past forever as the reason why we can't go after the things that we want? I say it with so much love Healing becomes limiting when it turns into avoidance, when we use it as a reason to pause our lives, to hold back, to not take risks, to keep our dreams at an arm's length. It's keeping us safe. Right, if we just have to keep learning and not doing and not getting closer. We don't actually ever face the fear. We just learn about the fear, and I know that's not what people mean to do, but it's what happens.
Speaker 1:And it's especially hard when you've gone through really hard things. I never, ever, ever, ever, ever want to feel like I'm bypassing people's really hard experiences. I have my own trauma. I have had my own things that I want to work through and have worked through and will continue to work through. I've worked with people and women in one-on-one, in a one-on-one capacity that have been through such hard things in their life, and that is why I keep saying there is time and a place for healing. But there is also a time where it just gets to the point where it's just like you're not going to let your past be your whole, entire story. You're not going to let your childhood or the things that have happened to you be your whole life, be the thing that dictates and controls your whole life.
Speaker 1:When you've been through trauma or you've experienced patterns that genuinely shaped your sense of self, it becomes challenging because it feels like there is always more to know, because you have to start to accept I'm a flawed human. I have things that are who that I am, that maybe have been shaped by my childhood, and maybe they are just who that I am, and I need to learn to fully accept myself, work with it and grow as a person with the things that I can grow with. Because when it comes to these sorts of things the trauma and the patterns and all the things you start to believe. Until every wound is resolved, until every fear is gone, until every part of you is healed, you're not ready, and that is not true. That is such a limiting way to look at things. Because you are ready, you can grow and you can heal. At the same time, you can move forward with what you want, whilst having parts of you that feel tender or unsure. You can stretch into the next version of you without having to wait until you're perfectly fixed, because the whole thing here is that you're actually just not broken.
Speaker 1:You are human, and I think people who have done a lot of healing have too high expectations on themselves about how perfect they need to be, moving forward, that they never have to have problems, never have to have fears, never have to have doubts, never have to have beliefs that limit them, and that is impossible. You have to be aware and you have to know how to take the actions through all of that regardless, because healing isn't about becoming perfect. It's about building the capacity to live with more intention, more awareness and more choice. So, yes, do the work, understand yourself, go as deep as you need to if you want to, but do not live there forever. Use what you learn about yourself to create something new, to decide who you want to be now, to move forward with the things that actually really matter to you. Healing isn't the whole story. It is just the start of a much better one, and it's okay if it's still unfolding. But just let it unfold, let it move, let it grow with you, not hold you back.
Speaker 1:So if this conversation has stirred something in you, if you've realized you've been sitting in the work without actually moving, or you've been telling yourself you can't go for what you want until you feel more healed, this is your reminder that you do not have to wait. You're allowed to want more. You're allowed to create change while still learning how to hold it. You're allowed to go after the things even if you're still figuring some stuff out, and maybe it is time to ask yourself what do I actually want right now? What version of me do I actually want to step into? And what would it look like to use all the awareness I've gained not to keep me circling in the same place, but to actually move forward? Because this work was never actually meant to keep you stuck. It was meant to wake you up. It was meant to give you the tools. It was meant to help you meet yourself more honestly so you could choose something different. And if you can't answer those questions, you're like fuck, I don't know what I want. I'm so lost right now. Cool, that's fine.
Speaker 1:Ask yourself how you can show up for yourself each day and just take one step. Ask yourself how, each day, and just take one step. Ask yourself how, each day, that you could just wake up, get up in the morning and say how can I be just 1% better than I was yesterday? How can I look after myself? How can I do something that is helping me be the best version of myself? Is it less screen time? Is it getting outside more? Is it regulating my nervous system more? Is it intentionally doing the things that regulate my nervous system. Is it eating better? Is it drinking more water? Is it prioritizing my sleep? Is it sending the one email that scares the shit out of me? Is it signing up to the thing that you've been sitting holding off signing up to, whether it's a new certificate or a course or whatever it is?
Speaker 1:What is just one thing you can do each day, and the more that you just take one step forward one step forward, not a mile long to-do list you will find that you actually start to get more clarity because you take the pressure and stress off yourself to have it all figured out and to know right now. You just allow yourself to take one step, one day, of just showing up as the best version of yourself that you can be. If you are ready to have more support with this, to not just keep learning and consuming but actually learn the shit that you need to learn in a way that's actually beneficial and then actually have support in creating change, if you're ready to stop sitting in the why and start asking where to from here, then this is the kind of work that we do in the Built for Better Academy. This isn't just mindset fluff and all the things, and it's not just about healing for the sake of healing. It's about building the capacity to become the person who creates what you actually want. It's about moving forward with clarity and self-responsibility and direction, and doing it in the way that's real and grounded and built for long-term change. So, whether you're in the middle of this messy work or you're finally ready to turn awareness into action, just know that you don't have to be fully healed to begin. You don't have to decide. You're ready. Join us in the academy if you want that kind of support, or don't Just take it upon yourself to use this information to actually create action in your own life and do the things that scare you and face your fears, challenge yourself and be proud of yourself when you do it, because that's fucking hard.
Speaker 1:I'll leave the link for the academy in the show notes, maybe even with a cheeky discount code, because I'm just like fuck, I just want so many women in this, because I just know that if you're listening to this, you would benefit from actually being in it. You would benefit from actually having the support in doing the actual thing, and I just want to grow this community so much and just have so many women where it's just like fuck it, let's go, let's do the thing. Let's hold each other accountable, let's support each other, let's do the work that actually matters and counts and do it together, absolutely epic. So I might do a cheeky discount code and just like don't overthink it, just get in there, let's do the work together. I hope you have a fantastic morning, afternoon, night, whenever you're choosing to listen to this. If you have listened to this, you have enjoyed it. Please leave a rating. All you have to do is click the star, do a five-star rating it would benefit me so much and send me a DM. I love it. All right, my loves, bye-bye.