Piece Of Mind Podcast
Welcome to Piece of Mind, where we piece together the parts of your mind to help you live a life that’s authentic, unapologetic, and absolutely fulfilling.
I’m your host Ashley Badman, a mindset coach and psychology student, here to guide you through the world of subconscious re-programming, relationships, belief systems, and patterns.
This isn’t your typical mindset podcast. We’re diving deep into the core of who you are, tackling everything from self-sabotage and people-pleasing to attachment styles and beyond. We’ll uncover the deeper shit that makes you who you are, so you can grow, evolve, and build a life you’re obsessed with.
Expect a mix of evidence-based insights, energetic shifts, and a touch of chaos as we explore how to heal, optimize, and re-program your life.
This podcast is for those who refuse to settle, who are committed to living life fully and getting the best for themselves.
Get ready for straight talk, practical strategies, and a few surprises along the way. If you’re ready to stop hiding from yourself and start living unapologetically, you’re in the right place. Tune in and let’s get into it.
Piece Of Mind Podcast
Ep 34: What Really Went Down at My First Event (The Highs, Lows & Lessons)
This is the raw, unfiltered BTS of my first ever live event. I’m talking fear, self-doubt, anxious spirals the night before, and yes, the accidental f*ck up I made at the start of the day (lol, you’ll hear it).
But I’m also sharing the fire it lit in my soul. The full-circle emotions. The moment I knew this is exactly what I’m meant to do more of.
If you’ve ever had a dream that scares you, this one’s for you.
In this episode, I talk about:
- The mindset spiral leading up to the event
- The pressure of “getting it right” when it’s your first time
- A very human mistake I made and what I learned from it
- The emotional moments I didn’t see coming
- Why I know I’m built for more of this
Whether you’re building something of your own or just need a reminder that you can do hard things, this episode is a hug and a hype-up all in one.
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welcome back to the peace of mind podcast. This episode is really just me sitting down with a cup of tea, I've got my beautiful incense burning, and I just wanted to have a conversation about the event that I just hosted. I'm going to be so honest about the lead up to the event what was going on in my mind, the doubts that I had, the things that came up for me that really surprised me, and just a real honest chat about how the day went, what I took away from it and what I plan to do with what I took away from the event. I'm going to start with just planning the event as a whole and when the idea came into my mind. So, to preface, this is not the first time I've actually held in-person things. I've held weekends away. I think I've had about three weekends away, like they're weekend events, where we do kind of like a day of personal development or business development, because they have come off the back end of masterminds that I've hosted, and then we go out for dinner and then we spend the morning together the next morning. I've hosted one of those on the Sunshine Coast and two of them in the Gold Coast. With those, though, it's important to note that the women that are coming have spent four months inside a program of mine, a mastermind of mine. So we're pretty much talking every day, we're getting on calls every single fortnight. We're very much connected. And then the weekend away is just kind of like a like a finale of that space where we all get to meet, we all get to connect, we all get to do things in person. So we've all spent a lot of time together and those have been absolutely amazing.
Speaker 1:I remember the first time I held a weekend event and I literally walked away from that like oh my god, I was not expecting that to be as good as it was. I wasn't expecting in-person connection to change my fucking life as much as I thought it would. I wasn't expecting to connect with the women as deeply as I did because I'd spent four months with them. Some of them had done multiple masterminds of mine or worked with me before and I was like I fucking love these girls, like I already felt connected to them. I realized actually, no, like the connection that I felt of being in person with them, of seeing them, of hugging them, of having conversations with them, of truly, truly, truly fucking connecting with them. That's when I realized like online is absolutely amazing and I'm so grateful for what it allows me to do, but absolutely nothing can beat that in-person connection. Like I walked away with from that, the first one of just like these people. I literally love them. They are going to be in my life for all of time, whether it's doing things of mine, coming to future retreats, all the different things, or just like me watching them on social media Like it's. It's no longer just like watching people online. It's like I'm fucking rooting for these people to be successful, to do everything that they want to do. Like I want to see them win, because they're no longer just my clients, they're like my best fucking friends, they're like my family. That's what it felt like. So I absolutely love doing that.
Speaker 1:And then I hosted a four day retreat in Borough Bay, which is about a six and a half hour drive from my house. I loved the retreat, but I was like I felt so exhausted after the retreat. I have run that retreat all by myself. I didn't have like an assistant, I didn't have a VA, I didn't have anyone facilitating any of the days, but a little old me, and after that I was like I think I need to sleep for like two years, like I really fucking. It really wrecked me, but I loved it so much and then I didn't really know what I was going to do from there. I wasn't hosting masterminds anymore business masterminds I decided to close that part of my business down for that period not forever, but for that period of time they were really successful.
Speaker 1:I had people wanting to do another one, but for me I just needed to shut them down and kind of come back to myself and be like what do I actually want to do for my business? What is the impact that I want to be having? Do I still want to be doing business mentoring, do I not? And while I made that decision, it didn't feel fair to keep running them and keep bringing people into them if I was sitting in uncertainty. So I decided the right thing to do and what felt kind of like ethical at the time was to no longer run another one, which would mean the weekend events at the end of them also wouldn't be running. And I ran my retreat and I was like fuck, that was so much Like I probably could only do that like once a year and if I want retreats to be a regular part of my business. I probably have to run them more than once a year.
Speaker 1:So I needed to kind of, like you know, just regather myself. And then I had the thought of, like why do I always feel like I need to travel right? Like what belief in my mind is making me feel that I have to drive four and a half hours to the Gold Coast, two and a half hours to the Sunshine Coast, six and a half hours to Byron Bay? And it's because I was like no one in their right fucking mind is going to come to regional Harvey Bay. Like we are a regional little tiny town up in Queensland with a tiny fucking airport that doesn't even have flights every single day, like it's a challenge to get to. No one's going to fucking come here.
Speaker 1:But I knew if I wanted these events to work for me as well and for me to really really be able to give as much as I possibly can, I also need to not have that huge travel time just for this one. You know, I just wanted to see what it was like. All the limiting beliefs came up that no one's going to come, that no one's going to buy a ticket, that no one would travel here, that no one would want to like. You know no one's going to buy a ticket, that no one would travel here, that no one would want to like. You know no one's going to put that much effort for something that you're hosting all the way in Harvey Bay. And I felt really, really limited.
Speaker 1:And then I remember one day we were just sitting in the car driving along the Esplanade and I was like it would be. I need to do this, I need to get the fuck out of my own way, I need to stop doubting myself and I actually just need to make it happen. And I made that decision right there. And then I didn't put out any feelers. I didn't say, like you know, would anyone come to Harvey Bay? I didn't do any of that. I was like you have to trust yourself, you have to make the decision and make the call and you need to go all in. And if there is anything about myself that I do love I find that so hard to say Like I love myself, like I still like I need to work on that being able to compliment myself, but like if there is one thing that I'm proud of myself for who that I am. It's like when I do decide to do something, I go all in. I don't need anyone to validate it for me, I don't need anyone to tell me it's going to work, I don't need people to tell me they're going to come before I fully make the decision. I just made the decision and I was so fucking excited about it but so scared at the same time.
Speaker 1:I kind of put out a couple of emails that it was in the works and I was doing it, that I was planning it just to give people the heads up and obviously enough time to kind of if they were on the fence about it or they were keen to come, they had time to kind of think about it, make the decision. So when I put the tickets out there they could actually purchase them and basically from there I booked a venue which funny story with that we didn't actually end up having it at that venue. I booked the venue, I sent out the email and people were purchasing Like I was, like I honestly wanted to cry, like I wanted to cry. I felt so emotional that people were actually purchasing, they were actually willing to come to Harvey Bay. None of these people were local. I don't even know anyone in Harvey Bay. I've lived here three years and, because all my work is online and I'm not like the most social being ever, which shocks people, I don't really know anyone in Harvey Bay.
Speaker 1:So when I put it out there, it wasn't really two people in Harvey Bay and people from Melbourne purchasing, someone from Toowoomba, someone from the Sunshine Coast, someone from Cairns Like I was literally blown away. And it's so funny because, like you would think, when people were purchasing, I would feel like, oh my God, this is so exciting, this is so amazing, feels, so lit up, and this is where I learned so much about myself in this process Like I actually don't even know if I'm going to be able to get into this podcast how much I learned about myself hosting this event and the self-doubt that I had to overcome and the fear and just all of the negative inner talks that come up about me not being good enough or me not being able to give people a good enough experience or would I be able to facilitate the day, and I'm so disorganized, I'm so chaotic and all the different things. All these things came up. But when people were purchasing specifically people who I knew had to pay for flights, they had to travel, they would have had to pay for accommodation, all the things.
Speaker 1:Excitement wasn't a feeling that came up for me. My partner was like, oh my God, yay, this is so amazing. Like, yay, aren't you so happy, honey? And I was like I literally want to vomit. I literally feel physically unwell because the amount of pressure that I now felt, the amount of responsibility that I now felt, felt incredibly overwhelming and I done a post on my Built for better Instagram not that long ago that I learned about myself that I wasn't self-sabotaging because of fear of failure anymore or fear of judgment. I'd really work through those things.
Speaker 1:What I didn't realize I still had to work through was a fear of responsibility that having children at 18 and 19 years old and then joining the police and then being a single mom and then being financially responsible for myself and for these kids and just so many things I had so much responsibility piled onto me, not to mention my childhood and my dad leaving and my mom going through her own shit and just being very responsible, just having the weight of my world on my shoulders from a very young age. That my nervous system and my brain and my body, like it sees responsibility as danger, as threat, as things could go wrong. You're going to be abandoned, you're going to be hurt, because that was my experience. So then you host an event and you have all of these people traveling and all of these people investing for you, like literally to pay for you to fucking facilitate something, for you to give them a day that is going to actually fucking impact their life, and they're flying in for it. Live, and they're flying in for it. My nervous system, literally, was just like, so fucking stressed, like my poor nervous system.
Speaker 1:The week leading up to the event I did not sleep, like I would lay in bed for hours and hours and hours, just thinking about, when they walk into the room, what are we going to say? How are the workshops going to go? What music should be playing? All of these tiny little things like, how am I going to respond to this? How am I going to make sure everyone feels safe? How am I going to make sure everyone feels connected? My brain was just like, like, constantly because of this immense pressure I felt, and it was.
Speaker 1:It was tough, you know, because I tried to tell myself during the week leading up to it. And so if I'm like bouncing around and it's not really making sense, like I have no notes and I'm trying to like keep myself on track as much as I can, like my brain is fucking crazy. I can't keep myself on track for fucking anything, but we're giving it a well and sorry if I'm swearing so much, this is what happens. I swear, I swear a lot, but I tried to tell myself like, enjoy the moment, enjoy the experience. Like I had gone over in my mind, like you need to surrender, you need to surrender and just what will be will be. You could only focus on what you can control. I had that conversation with myself many times. I know how to regulate my nervous system. I know that I need to learn how to surrender all the things.
Speaker 1:And it's like, for this event, everything that I knew, every tool that I had in my toolbox for nervous system regulation, all of those things, it just was not working. Like that is the level of dysregulation that I was at and rather than kind of judge myself or shame myself for it, I kind of just had to let myself sit in it, like, yeah, you're anxious and you're scared and you feel the fear and you feel the pressure. Oh, I feel a little bit emotional actually because I just Sorry, I'm just so proud of myself because I actually so I actually had so much come up for me leading into this event and even before even deciding to do it, and I had so many times where I could have just not done it. I have so many times where I could have just quit or talked myself out of it or said it's not the right time, or I shouldn't do it in Harvey Bay and I should wait till I could do it somewhere, somewhere else, and I could have let the self down, be so consuming, not not to the point where I, you know, just had to sit in it, but to the point where I let it decide for me what I did and didn't do. And for so many people, that's what ends up happening. They feel the fear, or they feel the doubt, and it leads them to give up, or it leads them to feel like they're not worthy or not enough, or that they can't do it and they're not capable, and they miss out on showing themselves that they can. And I just that's what I had to remind myself. I'm like you can feel the fear and you can do it anyway. You can feel scared and anxious and you can feel the self-doubt and you can feel all those things and you can actually get through this feeling and it is hard and it is uncomfortable, but you can get through it. And that's what I really had to navigate leading up to that.
Speaker 1:And then I remember one night we were sitting on the couch, me and my partner, and I got a message from someone. She was like hey, do you still have spots for the event? And I was like, yeah, I still have spots, why? And I was like, sorry, hesitant to her because I knew that she lived in Perth, like she's not come to anything of mine, she's never been a client of mine, like she's not in any of those things. So I was like cool, like why? Why is she asking? And she's like cool, can you send me the link? I'm going to, I'm going to buy my flights tonight and I'm going to come to Harvey Bay. And I honestly felt physically ill. I was like I'm always. I was like are you sure? Like it's almost like I was talking it out of it. And when she messaged, she's like do you still have tickets for your retreat? And I'm like, oh my God, she thinks there's going to be, like you know, overnight. And blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like are you talking about the event Cause? I was so like like she can't possibly just want to come from Perth for a day event that I'm hosting in my little regional town in Harvey Bay. Like what do you mean? And she was like, yeah, no, I know. And she's like, send me the link. And I send a link and she purchased and she sent me a screenshot of her flight. She Like it was so interesting for me to witness what I actually felt in my body.
Speaker 1:What thoughts come up. I was like my partner was like holy shit, like this is fucking so cool, like you should be so proud of yourself. Like he was like so beautiful. And I was like what did you mean? Like literally not one part of me feels excited. I feel an immense amount of pressure. Like she's flying five hours from Perth to fucking Harvey Bay. I was even starting to think about like guys, when I tell you, my mind was like going everywhere.
Speaker 1:I was like in Harvey Bay, sometimes the tides, the tides are really big, so the water goes out really really far and comes back in, and when it goes out it looks shit, like it does not look pretty, it doesn't look any of the things that I'm like, oh my God, every time I take a photo, I've taken's when the tide's really out and Harvey Bay doesn't look beautiful and the weather's shit. And I was like, okay, like you can't control the fucking tides, mate, like you actually can't control the weather, it's okay, like these are the things that were popping up in my mind and I just want to preface. The weather was spectacular, like it was cold, but the sky was blue, like so blue, which meant the water was so blue. The tide stayed up the whole entire time and on the Sunday we're having lunch and a wine with two of the girls at Enzo's, where I go all the fucking time I've lived here three and a half years Dolphins started flipping out the water, literally flipping, jumping, putting on a show. Like we're at bloody SeaWorld. I have never in my life seen dolphins there, ever. I was like Harvey Mayer, I love you. I feel like you heard my prayers, you heard my calls. I've just put on a show. Be beautiful, be stunning, make the water crystal clear, make the tides beautiful. And it did. Chef's kids, amazing.
Speaker 1:Anyway, she purchased and all these feelings had come up. And I think, like I just want that to be a reminder of if you have a goal, you have a dream, or you even if it's just like you want a promotion in your job or you want to travel, or you want to move, or you want to start a business, or you maybe want to run events or retreats or whatever it is, and you have a voice inside your head saying now's not the right time. You need to learn this, you need to be better at this, or you know what if you're not good enough, and blah, blah. If you have any of those feelings, just please do it anyway. Let yourself sit in those feelings, let them be uncomfortable. Learn so much yourself.
Speaker 1:I am so much more self-aware, and I was already so self-aware. I've worked on myself for years. I've done mindset work for years and this solidified to me that we are never fully healed and we're not meant to be. Every time that we do something new, every time that we push our own comfort zone, every time that we put ourselves out there more and more and more or go after a dream that's bigger and bigger and bigger, we are going to see things about ourselves that maybe we've seen before, in a different situation, or new things. I have not felt that level of self-doubt and fear in a very long time, maybe from when I even first started my business and first posted online. It was like. I was like wow, I can't believe I still am having these feelings.
Speaker 1:I went into full-blown perfectionism as well, and do you know how hard it is to be a perfectionist and someone who's completely disorganized, like I'm chaotic guys, I am chaos, like. If you look up in the dictionary chaos, it probably says Ashley Badman right next to it Chaotic, swears a lot, talks too fast, is not an organized person. No one would describe me as organized. I'm like type B. How the fuck do I have a business? I don't know how am I a mother and have children? I don't know Somehow we manage.
Speaker 1:And I was able to host an event. And when I tell you so much goes into an event that you do not expect, like, and that's me to me like, whoa like, and I hosted a four day retreat. This is what kept blowing my mind. I was like I honestly don't remember being this nervous for my four-day retreat and I can't tell you why this event made me more nervous than my four-day retreat. I honestly cannot tell you, but it was a different feeling and different nerves and different expectations placed on myself and I did it. I literally had like albums on Spotify that were like background music when we're journaling, music when they enter the room, music when we're leavingaling music when they enter the room, music when we're leaving, because I wanted to play a final song at the end, like I had music timed in albums for specific parts of the day.
Speaker 1:I created a whole run sheet that was like 9am everyone enters. 9.15, we're going to do the icebreaker. 10am we're going to do our first workshop. These are the prompts in the workshop. This is what we're going to go over and learn. This is the groups that they're going to split up to and the questions that they're going to ask. This is the activity that we're going to do. At the end. We're going to have a snack and a drink and then at 11, blah, blah, whatever it is 11 45, we're going to start our second workshop. Then we're going to have like, like you get it, but like me, I did a run check by myself. I don't have a team, I don't have anyone else helping me. I didn't even have evidence of like. This is how it's meant to go, this is how it's meant to flow. This is like you're meant to play music in the background and it sets the vibe. You're meant to plan out the workshops Like.
Speaker 1:I had to time the workshops for like there was 13 of us in the room and there's obviously going to be a lot of sharing, a lot of talking. You don't know how long that's going to go on, for I had to plan it like I'm just like who sorry, who are you? How did you do that? Even just down to the point of like I had little numbered cards where everyone got a number in their workbook because I created workbooks as well. I created workbooks that aligned with my time sheet, that aligned with the slide that would slide that was going to be on the screen behind me, that aligned with the music like are you kidding? I don't even know who she is, but everyone got a number. So it was like there was two ones, two, twos, two, threes, two, fours or etc. And it was hidden in the back of their workbook and when they opened it, they had to find the person in the room with the matching number, go sit on their mat.
Speaker 1:And then I had my own cards. These are all laminated, like all like it, looking amazing, with double-sided questions that would match the numbers that that group got or that pair would get. I would give it to them and they would pick which question. And that's how they did the icebreakers and got to know each other to make it more fun and exciting. And I'm like, how did I come up with that? Like that's such a fun way to do an icebreaker and all these things that I kept telling myself of. Like I'm not organized, I'm not this, I'm not that. I'm like you're literally showing yourself that you are. You're literally showing yourself that when you fucking love something and when you're passionate about something, you are organized and you can do the thing.
Speaker 1:And it might be chaotic and it might be a bit of a rush and also, like with the event space, it was a blank room. I've learned a lesson. I'm probably like I'm not going to host future events like that one. I might at some point, but the next one isn't going to be like that one and I'll explain in a little bit. But it was a completely blank room, whole, no furniture, no, nothing, and I am not a creative person when it comes to like, being able to like, visually see things and bring them to life Like, I'm just like, not that, I just I just never have been.
Speaker 1:But I knew that part of this space being so safe was also what it looked like, what it smelled like. Like I went and bought incense and put them all around the room in secret little spots so that the room smelled how I wanted it to smell. And when I look at that room and I say I'm like it's, it's better than my Pinterest board. I didn't even use Pinterest. I had to get Pinterest to be like, like, look at things and I'm like I don't know how to bring this to life. And we did it and it came to life and it looked amazing and I was so proud of what that space looked like and the girls like said, complimented it so much of like. What the room looked like made them feel really safe. It made them feel like they could open up, it just felt like this beautiful, tranquil, peaceful place to be and I was like, oh my god, how did I do that? How did I do that? But that's how I felt and I want to move on to kind of like how the day went.
Speaker 1:I want to keep in mind, obviously, that all those women in that room that's their experience is their experience, it's not mine to share and the things that people said in that room are things that they have never shared or never said out loud or never kind of let themselves be seen in. And that to me is like how do you even put that into words? How special that is, how healing that is to be seen in what you have not been seen in before, to feel so safe that you can say the things that you have feared your whole life you're going to be judged for or just never been able to have the conversation around. You know, is it when do we have spaces to have these conversations, to really allow ourselves, these conversations, to really allow ourselves to open up, to really allow ourselves to remove shame? And a lot of the time, the reason that we self-sabotage and the reason that we hold ourselves back and the reason that we judge and criticize ourselves or subconsciously hold ourselves back, is because there is shame and there is judgment and there is fear and there are beliefs that we never talk about and we never acknowledge.
Speaker 1:And in this room room. These ladies shared with each other and with me and it was absolutely magical, like I know what went down in these workshops. So we did three core workshops, which are absolutely amazing. We also did a really fun game, which was fucking hilarious, and it was really just to get them out their comfort zone, but in a way that's like joyful and laughter because that's also important for our nervous system to laugh and to feel joy that we did three core workshops and they flowed on from each other, because the brand is built for better. It is for women who were.
Speaker 1:They are ambitious, they are driven. They don't want to just say, well, this is what's happened to me and this is who I am now. They want to say this is what's happened to me, this is my story and I want to own it. So it can't own me and I want to make sure that I'm working on myself to be the best version of myself so I can create a life that I'm truly fucking proud of. And it worked backwards like, well, what is that version of you? What do you want? What do you see for yourself? And then, what is holding us back? What beliefs and what patterns we did in a child. We did like a ego kind of future you workshop and it just flowed so beautifully. It just like it just worked. It just worked so well and I was so proud of everyone and how they showed up and the connection that they felt.
Speaker 1:Someone messaged me afterwards and she was like she actually came from Harvey Bay. So two girls came that came from Harvey Bay, that I had never met before, didn't know, had never been in any of my offers came and she messaged me afterwards and she's like I really didn't expect to find my people in a room full of strangers and that's really what it was. It was like these people that you're sitting with now, like you guys, are truly, truly connected. This is what connection feels like, this is what true friendship feels like. And to witness that, to see that, to experience that, to be a part of creating that, I will literally never get over that Like my life goal, my mission, what I want to do is to help people not only connect deeply to themselves, understand themselves, heal their trauma, get out of their own way, all the different things.
Speaker 1:I want to bring people together who are like-minded, who get it, who can create the safe space, who you are going to go on to have friendships with for all the fucking time. Like, are you kidding me? How fucking cool is that? And when she messaged me that, I was like it is so true, like you would not know that that room that day was a room full of strangers, because we shared and we opened up and we cried together and we laughed together and we literally let ourselves just fully be ourselves, embrace ourselves, and it's like the connection that you build off of authenticity is unmatched, truly fucking unmatched. And it was just, it was just wild.
Speaker 1:And I knew immediately I need to do more of this. I like I need to take this elsewhere. I need to take this around Australia. I need to make this elsewhere. I need to take this around Australia. I need to make this global. I need to bring my passion and my mission to as many people as possible, because I fucking care, because I know this work is actually life-changing and I know, like the way that I do events, it's never going to be two in the same, like if you came to the last one and you come to the next one, it's going to be a completely different experience. You're going to walk away with something completely new and understanding of yourself that you didn't have before. That is the beauty of growth. It's not like, oh, I've already been to one, so it's like that's it, I'm done now. It's like, no, we're working progress. You're going to take away something from every single one.
Speaker 1:Girls that came to my retreat came to this event and still learned something new about themselves. The experience itself is just, and I know like people came to that who didn't know any other person in the room. I honestly was like you are so brave and courageous. I literally fucking love you. You are a vibe. You're willing to walk into this room and not know any other person never worked with me before. Sit down, have no idea what you're in for and completely fucking open your heart, completely open yourself to allow yourself to grow, to learn something new about yourself, so that you can go on to be the version of yourself that you know, that you can be, and to me, I'm like that is brave.
Speaker 1:People message me all the time. They're like, oh, maybe one day, one day, I hope to do that. There is no one day. It's a choice. You choose to come or you choose to keep putting it off because you're scared, and so I was scared. The reason I shared all my doubts, all my insecurities, all the different things is because I want you to know like I was scared and I did it anyway.
Speaker 1:And if I didn't, those women would have missed out on sharing their story, on connecting to themselves. Oh my God, I'm getting emotional again. I'm sorry. Sorry, they wouldn't have had that space held for them. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh my God, it's like when you hold yourself back, when you let your fears limit you, other people miss out as well. Other people miss out on your magic, on your authenticity, on what you have to offer the world.
Speaker 1:Not only do you miss out on living a life that feels truly aligned, or living a life where you're like, holy fuck, did I just do that, because that's how I left the event, like, are you kidding? I just did that. What do you mean? Like that feeling you can't have the feeling of like fucking true accomplishment, of like, holy shit, I did that. I'm so proud of myself. If you're never willing to sit in discomfort and self-doubt and fear that feeling, that true achievement doesn't come with ease. It doesn't come with ease. It doesn't come with making a decision that was easy. It doesn't come with making a decision that didn't feel scary or have fear. It comes with doing the thing that makes you so fucking uncomfortable and choosing to do it anyway.
Speaker 1:My brain, every part of me, was like this feels unfamiliar. All my core wounds, fear of abandonment, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being judged, fear of like, literally being seen in all of those things hit core wounds from my childhood, from my upbringing, things that had run so deep into who that I am. And I chose not to let that lead my life. I chose not to let that be the thing that makes the decisions for who I am and what I do and what do I achieve and who I become. And that's what I want for other people, that's what I want for you. That's why I want. So I want literally I left that like.
Speaker 1:Every single woman needs a day like this. Every single woman needs to experience this. Even if you think that you don't, you do like, just come and it's like. Also, at the end of the day, it's like what do you have to lose? You spend eight hours of your day or six hours, depending on how long it's going to be in a room of epic women who are really fucking cool. And if you walk away with nothing which I think is impossible it's like that's one day of your life. I'm sure you have other days in your life that have been not that exciting or like whatever. You know what I mean. And it's like, and you invest a couple of hundred dollars into that, which I'm sure you've invested a couple of hundred dollars into things that aren't that's all you have to lose, but what you have to gain, what you have to gain, is priceless. You can't put a price on it. It's just like you can't, and I'm so glad that I left my comfort zone to do it.
Speaker 1:I love the women that were in the room. I love the experience. I love what everyone shared. I love being able to see people be seen and take up space and show themselves that they can. So many people walked into that room like I'm so scared, like what do I wear? What do I say? What if I say the wrong thing? All things that I thought, by the way, as well. It's like by walking into that room, sitting down and just and just saying one word, was like already fucking gross for them. Like you've just showed yourself that you can do hard things, like congratulate yourself, because that is really freaking cool.
Speaker 1:I also had to share something really funny with you guys, actually, because like all the time I'm kind of used to like sorry if that sounded really graceful I am sick at the moment, so every time I host something, I get sick afterwards. It's like a fucking purge or something. My body's like oh my God, I'm so tired and that was so much growth in one go, like we need to like purge and not like purges in vomit. But just I feel well, but something really funny happened. And so me, I'm so used to people coming where I'm like they've been in my programs or I've worked with them before, so I know their faces and things like that. And everyone's walking in and I'm hugging them, I'm like hello, hello. And then this lady walks in and I'm like I've literally never seen this person before. I don't remember someone buying a ticket that I didn't like. I thought I was going to know everyone.
Speaker 1:Like I was so confused and, unfortunately for me, being able to think really quick and speak really quick is a strength of mine, for sure. In this job. It's also my biggest downfall, because when something pops into my brain, it comes out of my mouth before I've even had time to stop it and I'm like what the fuck is wrong with you? She goes in to hug me, I hug her and then I just look at her and go, um, who are you? Why did I say that? Why did I imagine you're coming to an event and you don't know anyone and the host hugs you and then looks at you and goes, who are you Like? Why are you here? I honestly thought in my mind I'm like because everyone kind of waited out the front before we opened the doors and I was like maybe she saw just a group of women waiting together and thought I want to see what that is and walk in Like I was literally like who is this person? Anyways, are they meant to be here? I didn't even catch their name because I acted like a fucking loser to her, like do we have enough yoga mats? Have we got enough food? Like I was like fully freaking out.
Speaker 1:Anyway, turns out I'd had a whole conversation with her in the dms. She had definitely purchased a ticket. We've literally chatted. She she'd received all the emails. There was a yoga mat for her. Like everything was organized there for her, except for my stupid ass brain didn't catch up to that and literally was like, who are you? And then I went over to her and I'm like sorry, like when did you purchase your ticket? Like, oh my God, what is wrong with you? She ended up sitting right next to me, turns out she's a fucking legend, thank God. She thought it was hilarious and I was like, okay, surely if we're starting the day like that, that's my one thing over, like the rest of the day is gonna go so smooth. Because, like, I've already fucked up at the beginning and it can't get, it can't get any worse than that. And it literally went perfect and beautiful, like better than I could have ever imagined, expected, exceeded my expectations. She was an absolute legend. She ended up coming for breakfast the next morning with us because we all had breakfast the next morning together, walk along the beach. We had dinner night, had a cocktail to celebrate.
Speaker 1:Like such vibes and like me and personal development I think, like a lot of people they do personal development. They come really conscious, really judgy, like we don't do that here, we don't this. Like blah, blah, blah. Like I'm chaotic and loud and I swear a lot, I'll have a cheeky wine to celebrate, like I'm not out here drinking all the time. But it's like I've like you come to my events and you find your people. You know what I mean. Like it's not judgy, it's not like really like oh, we're all. Like really woo, and really like calm now because we're doing my no, like it's not because we're doing mindset that we all of a sudden become different people. How I do this is like you become more of yourself, more of that big, bold, fucking cool personality or more of whatever it is that you are. Whether you're shy, there's shy people that come to these. It's like, fuck yeah, let's just own that, let's work with that. Like that is the fucking vibe and it's just the freaking coolest thing ever.
Speaker 1:And I'll finish it off here because I feel like I've harped on forever and I don't even know what I've said. Just to recap scared, shitless, hosting the event every single day I came up, learned so much about myself. How I'm still a perfectionist and had to let that go. How I still expect so much of myself, to the point where it like makes me feel so dysregulated because I just care so much. I wanted everyone to have a good time.
Speaker 1:I don't take it lightly that people come to these things. I know that it's scary. I know that it's hard. I know that there's fear there, people traveling I don't take it lightly. That's something for me to work on. And the reason it's something for me to work on because there's no way in heck that that is a one and done. There's no way in heck that the Built for Better event is not going other locations and helping more people. No, absolutely no way.
Speaker 1:So I need to learn to teach my nervous system Like you're not going to die, you're actually okay. You can sleep the week before. You're going to be fine, you're going to be okay, you're not going to die. Like, like. I need to take my nervous system that, because I can't literally not sleep every week that I do an event, I literally am so exhausted. I feel unwell today Like I had. I fell asleep sitting up on the couch yesterday at like midday Cause I was like I just need to have a little break, and then I was like like asleep, like my poor body. So I do need to work on that and I just think it's like anything else again, but I can do it through the fear and the other thing is as well as like, please, please, please, consider putting yourself in a room like this. Please just do it for yourself, like I. Just I've never felt so sure of something in my life that every woman needs to experience. A day like this. Every woman needs to be in this room. That you were going to be safe, that you are going to be held, that you are going to have fun as well. It's not all deep and crying and all the things. I promise you were going to have fun. You were going to like meet people that you're like, wow, you're really cool. And now I have like really cool fucking besties all over Australia. It's just absolutely amazing. And in the show notes, if you want to be the first to be notified when tickets release for the next event, join the wait list. It's going to be in the show notes.
Speaker 1:The next built for better event is coming to melbourne. We're going interstate. You can travel as well. So don't be like oh, I'm not in melbourne, I can't come. If you're in new south wales, you're in queensland. Fly down, fly down. Make a weekend of it. It's going to be fucking incredible. It's going to be amazing the venue that I think that I'm going with. I'm pretty certain. I think we're going to have 17 spaces.
Speaker 1:So it's like when people say things online like, oh my God, limited tickets. Like this is actually that because, like, there's only so many people you can have in a room. It's not like an online thing where as many people as possible can come. Like this is limited. People on the waitlist will be the first to be notified when tickets are released. You can get them straight away to make sure you don't lose a spot. This next one is going to be very different to the first one in every single way possible. It is going to be like.
Speaker 1:My mind now is like, well, I know. Like, oh my God, the workshops are just going to be next level. It's going to be so cool, it's going to be amazing. Join the waitlist. Join the wait list. Come, go through the fear and just do it. Anyway, I've got you. You're going to be fine. I literally am on such a high. It was the best thing that I've ever done. It was the best experience. It was just absolutely magical.
Speaker 1:I want to continue to do this, moving forward. I want to get better at doing it. I want to meet new people. I want to meet more people. I want people who have come to my events, to come to the next ones and meet new people that have an experience and kind of be like there. You know, it makes people feel safe. I had a mixture of that at my event, where people had been to things of mine before and people hadn't, and the people that had been to them, I think, made the other people feel that they could be more vulnerable because, I don't know, it's just like, it's just a vibe. Okay, it's just a whole fucking vibe. I'll leave it at that. I love you so much. Thanks for listening to me cry two times just just out of absolute gratitude and happiness, and I'll see you in the next one.