Piece Of Mind Podcast

Ep 41: [So This Is 30] An Unexpected Pregnancy, Breakups and Self Discovery W/Carlie

• Ashley Badman

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Welcome To So This Is 30, a  series where I sit down with real, everyday women to talk about what it’s actually like to leave your 20s and step into your 30s.

In this episode, Carlie shares her journey from working in radio in Western Sydney to becoming a first-time mother in Harvey Bay at 32, demonstrating how surrendering to life's unexpected turns can lead to exactly where you're meant to be.

Enjoy 🫶



Speaker 1:

Welcome to. So this Is 30, a little series where I sit down with real, everyday women to talk about what it's actually like to leave your 20s and step into your 30s. We're chatting about all things. No one really prepares you for relationship beginnings and breakups, career pivots, big questions around kids, identity shifts, friendships changing and figuring out who you actually are now, because this decade deserves to be talked about. It's messy, it's powerful and it's worth celebrating, and I can't think of a better way than having honest, unfiltered conversations with women who are right in it. Today's episode in the series made me smile, laugh and tear up all in one, because it is just so real and raw.

Speaker 1:

I'm sitting down with Carly, a beautiful human and first-time mom who literally recorded this podcast with a six-week-old baby in the house. It is her first podcast ever and I just know you're going to love her as much as I did. Carly shares her story of leaving a long-term relationship in her late 20s, moving states on a whim, finding herself again falling unexpectedly pregnant and navigating a whole new chapter of motherhood and self-discovery. She's lived a big life already, from radio gigs in Western Sydney to running pubs in Darwin and now raising her baby girl Eden in Harvey Bay, and the best part is we grew up in the same place, live in the same town now and had no idea until this chat. This one is full of heart and it's a reminder that your life doesn't have to follow a straight line, that the messiness is part of the magic and that you're allowed to change your mind and start again and trust that the right things will find you when you least expect it. Let's dive into the episode. Welcome back to the peace of mind podcast.

Speaker 1:

Today we are doing another, so this is 30 episode and I'm very excited about it because we're having just real conversations with real, everyday women. And I was just saying to beautiful Carly when she popped up on the screen, I was like it's actually so nice to have people come onto the potty that are just real people that have followed me, that want to share their experience. And for Carly, this is her first ever podcast, so that's very, very exciting. Welcome, carly. We're just going to get straight into it. Give us a bit of a rundown. First, we need to know, obviously, how old you are, because it is the this Is 30s pod. How old are you and what made you actually want to come and have this conversation on the pod hey. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 2:

So I am 32 and I actually was very keen to jump on here because it was such a chill vibe of just have a chat where you're at what's life doing and I am a bit of a yapper myself, so I was very keen to just get on and say g'day and see where I'm at.

Speaker 1:

I love that. I said to Carly, I'm like, okay, I try my best to keep the guest podcast episodes to 45 minutes, because if I don't set a boundary, like I'm a yapper, and if I have another yapper on the potty, we could probably talk for three hours and yes, this is very chill vibes. The whole point of this episode is to just actually listen to women and where they're at in their thirties, what they're experiencing, where their life is at, cause I think it's such a great opportunity for other women in their thirties to see the different lives that people live at the same age and remove that expectation of what life should look like and where we should all be at, and that we should all be on the same timeline and just actually hear, like, where are you actually at? Which is a perfect opportunity to ask where are you at in your 30s, whether it's career wise, whether it's your life in general.

Speaker 2:

Fill us in on what your life looks like at 32 well, yes, I'm actually a brand new mum, six week old, newborn at home. Yes, so 32 had my first baby little Eden.

Speaker 1:

I'm like people can't see my face, but I just did the biggest shocked face of all time because, okay, this is first that I'm hearing. That's just I'm hearing that. That is insane. You literally had a baby six weeks. There is a baby in this house right now and you're doing a podcast. I am what? Wow, that is so cool.

Speaker 2:

Okay, continue yes, and then next probably shock maybe is I also live in harvey bay. Yeah, so I live in Arroween and go to Cafe Operation Underground quite regularly.

Speaker 1:

Guys, I wish this could be a video, not a podcast, because my face right, okay, what do you mean? Okay, okay.

Speaker 1:

We just had a whole conversation. So Carly and I literally this is the first time we're meeting, which I think is also really fun because I'm meeting her at the same time Everyone listening to the pod is meeting her we just had a whole conversation. Okay, that where I grew up so I'm being quite transparent on the pod and on my social media like grew up in government housing, lived in western Sydney, campbelltown, all of the things. And Carly's like oh, I worked on the local radio station in Campbelltown and I was like get the fuck out. And then she's like, yeah, c91.3. And I'm like stop my childhood. Like, because I lived in government housing, they would come to our street the road crew which I didn't know, that's what it was called, but the road crew would come to our street and it would be the highlight of my day.

Speaker 1:

I'd be like oh my god, and they'd give us popcorn and they'd play with us and it was like people from the radio, like I thought it was so cool. And Carly did tell me that. What she didn't tell me is that she has a six-week-old baby. She lives right near me now in Harvey Bay, so we live near each other in Western Sydney and now in Harvey Bay. Okay, really cool. Continue.

Speaker 2:

Yep, it's crazy. Yeah. So when I did find your social media, I was like hang on a tick representing Western Sydney awesome and then also in Harvey Bay, and then also studying psychology, which I am also doing online. Super similarities, are we?

Speaker 2:

And yeah, so that's my life at the moment is newborn, I am. I've put my studies on hold. At the moment I've I've. I did one year in person at UWS back when I was in Campbelltown, realized I was a little bit too young to probably be doing psychology I was 18, fresh out of high school and then so I've put that off for a while.

Speaker 2:

I've done a lot of life living moved up to Darwin from Sydney during COVID because I was sick of not being able to go to the pub and drink while I was standing up or you know, sitting down all the masks, all the rules. I was like my friend lived in Darwin and she asked me if I wanted to move in with her and I said absolutely. I bought a one-way ticket and said I'd come up for six months and stayed there for two years. So that was cool. And then I've landed in Harvey Bay from Darwin, cruised over with my ex now ex and we sort of set up here about three years ago.

Speaker 2:

I'm a qualified remedial massage therapist, so I was doing that while I first moved here and then moved into the admin side of things, but then got a little bit bored because I was running a pub in Darwin. So I was like I think I want to get back into the pub scene, and so I ended up at the beach house. I was a duty manager at the beach house for about a year and a half, and now I'm on maternity leave from the beach house.

Speaker 1:

So I've done a lot. My god, what the heck okay that is. That is extremely interesting. I am so intrigued by this whole story. Now, I didn. You're just dropping bombs on me left right and center and I mean I'm so about it. I think this is so good. So you would have been late twenties during COVID. Yes.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so yeah, 27, 28 when I moved up to Darwin.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, okay. So what did life look like prior to that? Like what was 20 to 27 like for you? What were you doing? I need to know now.

Speaker 2:

I was definitely living the dream of festivals, partying in Sydney, listen out Stereo, sonic, like. In terms of career wise I really didn't really have much of a goal, dream Very of the school of life. I like to say, went to the school of life and I worked in a few jobs in the city doing event management and things like that Really fun. Once sort of I think one of the jobs I ended up in in the city. I moved into Maroubra. I was in there for about two years and then I moved back to Campbelltown and ended up running a laser tag at Narellan Town Centre. So that was probably one of my funnest jobs. And then that's when I sort of moved into the radio.

Speaker 2:

So I started the laser tag and the road crew at the same time and I was on the road crew for three years. I moved into their promotions manager role and then I was on. I actually put, I dipped my toe into actually being on the radio, on air on a Sunday representing Sunday afternoons. That was fun. And then, yeah, covid sort of just shut down laser tag and the radio sort of gig. I wasn't about the messaging that we were having to put out on the radio, I was very much of the went to a few protests against exercising our rights and all that sort of stuff. It's a bit colourful and then, yeah, I was like you know what stuff it? And all that sort of stuff.

Speaker 1:

It's a bit colorful.

Speaker 1:

And then, yeah, I was like you know what stuff it? I'm going to Darwin, Wow, wow, okay, this is an incredible story. I do. I am interested to know because I think a lot of people they go into their 20s and they're like, okay, and you mentioned you went to uni initially and that's kind of the path that people think.

Speaker 1:

There's this pressure that we have on ourselves in our 20s of what our life needs to look like and we're kind of searching, I guess, for stability or setting our lives up for when we're older, in our 30s, that we're figuring it all out in our 20s, which, when you get to your 30s even though I'm only 32 as well, so we're like we're fresh in the 30s.

Speaker 1:

But I feel like you look back at your 20s and you realize that you do, you do put a lot of pressure on yourself to have life figured out and you realize, wow, I actually am so young Because I still feel I feel young now and taking that pressure off of myself now I'm like, god, I wish I took that pressure off myself in my 20s of what I had to do and what my life had to look like.

Speaker 1:

But it sounds for you, you took that pressure off yourself a little bit earlier. You left uni at 18 and started at 18 and then have gone and lived a life where you've just allowed yourself to do whatever the fuck you want to do and try different jobs and try different things and explore so many different avenues and I honestly think that that is so great and it's so great to hear that. I would love to really understand the mindset behind that of just I thought I had to go to uni and then I was kind of just like you know what, I'm just going to do, whatever the heck I want. What were you thinking at that time?

Speaker 2:

To be honest, it was like the catalyst to that was, um, I was in a relationship, that high school relationship, where I thought I was going to marry my ex you know, uni kids get the house, all that like that was. That was the path that I was on. And then I think the breakup, like we broke up, and that really I sort of sat down and thought I don't actually want any of that. I wanted, I wanted to go because I missed out on sort of partying and, you know, experiencing life a little bit more full on, because I was in a relationship and we were really on that okay, let's get married, kind of vibe, which was. So I think about it now I'm just like whoa, imagine that I would have not experienced half the stuff that I have. So, yeah, I think breaking up with him was a big catalyst to sit down and sort of say what do I actually want? And I realized I didn't have any idea what I wanted.

Speaker 2:

So testament to my mum, to be honest. She was always a very stable, but stable place to come back to. Like she said, you know, go out, do what you want. I'm always going to be here when you stuff up, if you do. If you take a misstep, you know I'm here when you stuff up. If you do, if you take a misstep, you know I'm here. I'm not going to judge and I really have to give my mum massive credit to that, like she. That was awesome and really gave me and my brother, who's 11 months younger than me very, very close with my brother the freedom to sort of think you know life isn't as. You don't have to lock in.

Speaker 1:

I think it's rare to talk to people in their 30s who have experienced really safe parenting. My partner has experienced like he had beautiful parents and beautiful upbringing, but I don't think that's super common for people our age, and even if they've had beautiful parents and a loving upbringing, it's still sometimes this pressure of like well, life needs to look like this and there's only that level of love and acceptance when you're doing what is expected of you and you're not fucking up and you're not making mistakes, and to hear that you and your brother also, 11 months apart, jesus christ, your mom was an actual superwoman. But it's nice to hear that. It's nice to hear from your perspective as well as well, of like what that safe space actually provided you and all the things that you've just told us that you did and experienced and allowed yourself to put yourself out there. It's because you had that safety of like well, if I fuck up, if I fail, I'm still loved, I still have a safe space, and I think that is so underrated in being able to actually live a life that you truly, truly want. So massive testament to your mom and hats off to her, and that inspires me so much.

Speaker 1:

I know you just said you have a, a six week old, so I'm sure that inspires you in parenting once your baby grows. But my kids are like 13 and 11. And hearing you say that I'm like that is like genuinely. That's what I want my kids to say one day about me. Like mom was a safe place for me. I knew that I could go and do and explore and I would have somewhere to come back to. So I feel like for any parents listening to that, it's like that's the ultimate goal, right to have your kid one day get on a podcast and be like my mum what's the fucking best. And you're like slay.

Speaker 2:

Just a quick shout out.

Speaker 2:

She's also sort of moved into the house for the first six weeks of Eden, who arrived pretty dramatically six weeks ago.

Speaker 2:

She was on a plane to Perth at the time and flew from Perth straight to Brisbane, drove from Brisbane up to Harvey Bay all in the one day, because she lives in Sydney, still lives in Campbelltown. Mom and dad broke up when I was three, so she was single mom for a long time and I think that that comes into play of it I don't know, just obviously superwoman and then, but also being able to give us that freedom and space and and and home to come back to, because she I guess I think she was a little bit more aware of the fact that, you know, dad wasn't around like dad. Dad come back into our lives a little bit later, but yeah, so they they were. It was a not a traditional home that we were growing up in, um and mum married her now partner, rob when we were probably 11, I think, 11, 9, 10 and 11 and um. She's also had twins with him who are now 21.

Speaker 1:

oh, my god, I just like see, I just find it so fascinating. Obviously, I've shared my life online for so long, so I'm like used to sharing my life, but I just think that people and I've always held this belief I'm so interested in just talking to people, like I love talking to people, I love getting to know people's story, and because it's so fascinating this is the thing. If, like, it's funny that you go to my coffee shop, because I'm like if we were to meet up, I'd be like, tell me your fucking life. Like this is not just me on the potty. I don't want to sound really weird, but as soon as you said like you're, like I have a six-week-old, I live in Harvey Bay, I go to your same coffee shop. So I'm like, after the pod, we're obviously organizing our sketching 100% 100%.

Speaker 1:

That's why we're gonna be friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so funny. Well, absolutely. Um, your mum sounds incredible and so amazing that she came to stay with you with your baby. So you said your baby's name is Eden, correct?

Speaker 1:

yes, yes, little Eden oh, I love that so much when it came to you being in your 20s. Obviously, lots of different jobs are moving around and experiencing different things, which is really cool. Covid seems to be a catalyst for lots of people. Like people that I speak to, covid, there's like always like a life-changing moment or decision during COVID, which isn't that surprising considering it was such a big. It was a big time in it was massive, it's like a line in the sand for most people, like COVID happened and then I did this with my life and it changes the trajectory of your whole entire life.

Speaker 1:

So obviously, late 20s you've moved up to Darwin. Did you see yourself in your 30s having a baby? Like, was this something that you wanted planned or was this something that was just like it kind of of just happened?

Speaker 2:

No, I no, not really no. So I try and think about, yeah, during when I was in Darwin definitely like it was more of that I was running a pub, good Times Bar and Grill in Palmerston Super fun. Life didn't stop up there and the people up there, the Territory people, are very passionate and full of life and just all around fun. Really Like it's not a place for soft people. I say You've got to be quite hard but in a good way to live up there. And yeah, as I said, I was going to live there for six months just for the dry season, because I did not want to experience the wet season, which was it tests you, it's hot, it is so hot. Yeah, so I definitely didn't. Really there wasn't family planning up there. But I think more when I come to Harvey Bay, maybe with the ex, was a little bit more about maybe settling down. I went to Bali when I turned 30 and maybe when I come back from there I was like, oh, I could see myself settling down, but definitely not with who I was with. So it was a bit hard for me to be like yeah, yeah, you know I'm gonna have kids.

Speaker 2:

My now partner, brody, who was amazing. Um, we met at the beach house. I was working, he was having fun and, yeah, our relationship has been a time warp, like it's very like. I found out I was pregnant very quickly and at first we were 100% co-parenting. I was like, nope, co-parent Like I was gonna. I was, I was always going to keep her and in that overshare I'm an oversharer as well but yeah, so I was definitely ready to go on a journey of co-parenting and I that it was, you know my life experience. I was like I can do this. You know, I've seen mum sort of do something similar, I guess, and but we sort of we definitely fell in love, which was very sweet.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my god, okay. So just to wrap my head around the story you left Darwin, you went to Bali, but you were with somebody else. Different relationship, that relationship, not the vibe, not who you could see yourself having a family with. You've moved to Harvey Bay in your 30, like, turned 30, moved to Harvey Bay.

Speaker 2:

I think we moved maybe when I was 29 and then went to Bali for my 30th birthday and then come back to Harvey Bay, so yeah, but we broke up very quickly after we got back from our holiday.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so the ex came to Harvey Bay. Did you meet him in Harvey Bay or did he come with you from Darwin?

Speaker 2:

I met him in Darwin.

Speaker 1:

Ooh, okay, interesting. So he's come to Harvey Bay with you from Darwin. You've gone to Bali. You've come back. This relationship is ending or ended. You've started work at the beach house and you've met Brody. Was it Brody? Each house and you've met.

Speaker 2:

Brody, was it Brody? Yeah, you've met Brody.

Speaker 1:

You've fallen pregnant.

Speaker 2:

I'm guessing that you guys weren't in a relationship as such, or it was you were seeing each other and then fell pregnant. Yeah, Just seeing each other and then fell pregnant. So it was like oh okay, all right, the universe is saying something.

Speaker 1:

This is very interesting. I am like this is super interesting when you fell pregnant then. Then you are 31 at that point yes yeah, okay. So you've entered your 30s with a bang. A relationship has ended, you've moved to a different state in a different town, you've started a different job, you've entered a new situation. Ship as such? Yes, that's what.

Speaker 1:

I used to call it, and then you fell pregnant yeah yeah, my god, in the 30s, but you have been like an explosion of just like a lot of, a lot of newness. The contrast between 20s and 30s has been like quite big oh yeah, big time yeah wow, that's so interesting with having Eden I'm dying to see, by the way so at some point, I think she's stirring. Having Eden with Brodie. What was the conversation like with you guys initially? Obviously, you're wanting to co-parent. How did that end up being like? Actually, I think we can do this together.

Speaker 2:

It just it felt very, very natural. We still kept hanging out and, I guess, having those bigger conversations. Could we see each other in a relationship and did we want to? And then obviously just having fun with each other and then learning each other, like we kind of just met, just met, but we'd only known each other a couple of months and it really takes a little bit more to get the layers off of a person, and we pulled those layers off quickly because of the situation.

Speaker 2:

And so I think I wrote in my journal once, when we were in this moment really about how freeing it was to be having conversations with someone that felt like I could be a hundred percent myself, a hundred percent real, and he felt the same and it was none of this performative relationship, dating. I'm gonna show you this best part of myself. And I just showed him everything. I was like this is me, this is this. And he did the same and I said, okay, well, this is us. And I just showed him everything. I was like this is me, this is this. And he did the same and I said, okay, well, this is us, and I think that we can do this. And we just kept seeing each other and I think we went to. We traveled to Sydney, which is where both of our families are, which was a core connection for both of us. It's like his family's in Liverpool and Campbelltown, so you know very close, so you, know very close Guys what on earth Like?

Speaker 1:

how are we living in Harvey Bay together and we've literally come from the same location? This is such a small world. It blows my absolute mind. And you guys met and you're both from Western Sydney.

Speaker 2:

I know it's nuts Western Sydney represent, so true, so yeah, so I think those connections there. And then we had a lot of little similarities of life and quickly went through all of that. And, yeah, we went to Sydney to meet his family and my family and our first official date, like official date, was at Centrepoint Tower, which was amazing, and that's when we had the conversation of like shall we? And then we did have that conversation. It was obviously quite a nice setting. So it was neither of us were too too open and honest, but then when we got back to Harvey Bay just reinvigorated the chat of like we both wanted to have Eden and have a relationship and, you know, meeting each other's families was really a setting point, just like, nah, we're meant for each other, oh I love that so much.

Speaker 1:

I really do love that, and it's just one of those things. It's like it's cool to be able to listen to your whole story, even just from like 18 to then 20 to then 27, all the different things. It was just like each one of those things had to happen and it's like at that time there was probably decisions that you made where you're like shit, I don't know if this is the best decision or if this is going to work out and you're just doing the thing, but it's like each, every single one of those things had to take place for you to end up at the beach house meeting Brody and having baby Eden.

Speaker 1:

Like isn't that so crazy?

Speaker 1:

And it's such a good reminder, for even for me, listening sometimes we do have to just surrender and trust to what we feel in the moment, and I think, especially in your thirties. Sometimes you can feel like you're like I need to figure it out, I need to know what I'm doing, I need to know what my life is going to look like. But it's the same as in your twenties, as in your thirties, like you do have to surrender and trust yourself and trust that what is meant to be will be, and you could have no fucking idea what that actually is. You don't know what the outcome is. You couldn't have planned. You couldn't have planned for this situation. You just followed what you wanted and followed what you felt that you needed to do. Even leaving a relationship in your late 20s would have been quite challenging. I'm very interested to hear about that decision, because I feel like breakups in late 20s, going into 30s, is just a little. It's a little bit different.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, mean, I was absolutely terrified. I was like I don't want to get back on tinder, like I was, genuinely. I was like I'm not going to know how to date, like I don't, I don't know, I'm not going to be able to do the apps. So, like I did, the apps were in my 20s and I just couldn't see myself doing them in my 30s. I was like what's and what's the sorry, but what's the pool going to be like here in Harvey Bay? Genuinely?

Speaker 2:

I would have thought the same thing yeah, yeah, and there's not many single people up here, like there really isn't people all young people yeah, correct.

Speaker 2:

So, um, I was, and I was here when that breakup was happening. So I was very much of the I'm moving to the sunny coast, which is what I was going to be like. That was, that was part of my plan before getting pregnant March 2025, I was going down to the sunny coast. That was all locked in. And because it was, because I I knew I wanted a relationship, I knew I wanted some sort of a family, family life anyway um, and I was terrified of the, the dating pool here in Harvey Bay. So, um, yeah, I actually, when Brodie and I met, it was quite insane that we connected and we found each other because, yeah, it was that very, very real fear of that lonely fear of you know, I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life.

Speaker 2:

I'm not going to find the one I had. I've had the chance, my first relationship when we you know, when I was 18, getting married. Then I was single for a long time, moved to Darwin and had another relationship where I thought we were getting married and then that breaking down and yeah, so it was. It was very scary and, to be honest, not many friends here. Harvey Bay is a. I actually met up with the community nurse last week and she said that she thinks that there's generational loneliness here in Harvey Bay, which I can. If you pay attention enough, you can see that it is something like that. It's like people struggle to connect here, even though it's such a small town.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I actually agree. I even think maybe, though, there is a bit of loneliness, like a little bit everywhere, like I feel like since COVID there has been this weird isolation yeah.

Speaker 1:

Isolation, disconnect, isolation, disconnect, people feeling disconnected. Well, if you think about it, it was like a long period of time where we not only were forced not to see each other, but it's almost like we were not scared I don't know if scared's the right word, but it's like people didn't become people anymore. It became like someone would cough or sneeze and we'd be like, oh my god, and then it was like people had polarizing opinions between what we should do and then the like. There was just so many things and and people kind of the.

Speaker 1:

I guess the darkness came out in people a lot, the not prettiness in humanity came out in people a lot, and I think it changed people's view on lots of things on the government, on other people, on law enforcement. I think it just shifted people's view on lots of things, on the government, on other people, on law enforcement. I think it just shifted people's perspectives. For some people it opened their eyes to things that maybe needed to be opened their eyes to, but for a lot of people, I think, it did cause people to retreat a little bit and I think that there has been that loneliness.

Speaker 1:

And I'm similar to you in that I moved here to Harvey Bay just like kind of towards the tapering end of COVID Not that it's and I don't know, it's fucking weird, isn't it but like it's still around, but like you know what I mean, like the tapering end to it being a big thing. And I feel like I've struggled to make friends and meet people and I think partly part of that is myself because I work online, I'm at home all the time. I could probably make more effort, but I just think there is like this weird isolation, self-isolation, going on with people and it's really difficult. So I'm glad that we have met each other. Now, with the breakup, everything that you said there I was like, yes, like I feel like those are such big feelings to have in your late 20s.

Speaker 1:

If you're ending a relationship because it's almost like this idea from society that late twenties if you're in a relationship you would be maybe expecting you're talking about engagement, marriage, babies, buying a house, and if you're having those feelings of like this isn't the right person, those fears are going to come up of like but then what if I don't find anyone? And I'm only getting older and it's like it's just a different vibe in your 30s to to leaving your relationship in your early 20s? I feel like you still have that free kind of like I'll be fine, I'll meet someone. And also then you have to think about if you are in your late 30s and you're a woman and you haven't had children yet and you do want to have children and you're like well, I need to meet someone and will it has to happen fast.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, like, and you're like done yeah, got that one in the bag.

Speaker 1:

I gotta make it. That's so funny. You would have had those fears and I think it's. It's really is a testament to yourself that you were still able to make that decision, because how many women, especially late 20s, early 30s, mid 30s, even late 40s it doesn't matter how old you are stay in relationships because of fear not because of genuine love, fear of what you're not going to have, fear of being alone, fear of maybe not finding the right person.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes women have fear of like. Well, what if my person that I'm about to leave all of a sudden becomes this great man after a relationship? But I've missed out on it, so you kind of wait for it to change.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah genuinely that's and I like. So I what. That's not exactly what happened, but I was definitely very unhappy in my last relationship but just claws in, I was like not letting go he will be better, um, and thank, like testament to him. He was able to say we're not happy, like, and sort of pulled the pin there. It was very hard to pull apart from that, because we'd sort of moved together from Darwin and didn't have anyone other than like no family, no friends up here really, and I very felt, I felt like I was the one that was, you know, gonna get left behind and he was gonna go on and be amazing and all this sort of stuff. And yeah, so it was very, very genuine in that sense okay.

Speaker 1:

So relationship ended. Yeah, big decision. What were your biggest like? I know you've kind of touched on a little bit, but what were your biggest feelings at that time of like fuck, what are my 30s going to look like now, what do I need to do? And did you go on tinder like what was the vibe?

Speaker 2:

no, I, I think I didn't get onto the apps. Um, I actually very, quite spiritual person, so I sort of tried to tap into that. But I I realized that I had lost a bit of that in, in being dulled down from the last relationship, and so I really I sent myself on another spiritual journey, I guess, to find myself, got my journal back out, started meditating, got all my crystals back out, my tarot cards came back out, everything sort of the old me sort of came back and I was a very much on a journey of rediscovering myself. And I took myself to the mountains at Mullaney for a couple of times just to be immersed in the nature down there. And my dog, gandalf he's Gandalf the Grey, yes, he's 11 years old and he's my saviour. So I've put, you know, our energy into him and our life and we just went on adventures together and I really got back to who I was.

Speaker 2:

And then, when I started at the Beach House, I just wanted to be a bartender At the time I was like no, I'm sick of management, I just want to pour the drinks and have a dance when the DJ's playing. But they were like please, please, please, we need a manager. And I was like, okay, all right, stepped up and it's a great place and it's a great job. And that reinvigorated it because I was a manager at the Laser Tag in Sydney and manager at the pub in Darwin and it really brings in my leadership skills. Like I did a leadership and management course diploma actually way back and I just pulled on those sorts of things and really just, yes, it was. It was more of a journey of refine, redesign my life.

Speaker 1:

I think you went on your own journey, like I really love that you did that. And if you had gone on the apps, that's so fine, you do you like I celebrate everyone in what they choose to do and you choose ultimately the right thing for you. But as you were speaking, I was like wow, what a courageous path to take, because it's like in that, you're, you're, you're not numbing, like, you're feeling, you're feeling what you feel you're going inwards, you're spending time with yourself, that that in itself can be like scary to be, like I'm gonna sit

Speaker 1:

with myself I'm gonna go through something really challenging and hard. And also you had like now you have beautiful baby and you're in a relationship and things are turning out so perfectly, but it's like at that time you don't know that things are going to turn out like that and you're sitting with that. I just think that that is such a cool thing that you have done and I think has set you up to then receive what you have received with your people, eden and your partner, and all those different things.

Speaker 1:

I think having that time to yourself would have been absolutely crucial.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1:

What do you think for yourself going into your 30s? Now, I know you're only 32. We're like we're so young, young queens, yes, we're so young. But what do you think that you have learned and I know this is going to be like a big question, and don't put any pressure on yourself, just say what you feel like comes to you. But what do you feel like you have learned about yourself or about life in general, that you are going to take forward with you from this point onwards, especially into motherhood?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, look, to be honest, it's actually quite, it is big. But my thing is, I have learned to surrender and have courage and faith in yourself and surrender to having a knowing of what is meant, for you will find you, and it's such a hard thing to really wrap your head around because you'll be in the trenches and you'll be like why, why, why, why is this happening? Why is that happening? You're spiraling and it's hard to come back to center and be like it's happening for a reason. I'm going to learn a lesson from this, but I think also, you know, studying psychology helps you regenerate yourself in that sense, but it is.

Speaker 2:

It can be scary, but for me, me I think the biggest lesson would be to surrender and control what you can control, but understand that there are things that you can't control and that's where the surrendering comes in. To refocus on what you can control, you know you can control how you feel in in certain ways, like, or how you react. Really, yes, I think that's my biggest lesson. And to have fun as well, like, have fun, don't. Don't get so bogged down in. I have to do this, I have to do that, like. I love to make a list, but if I feel like those lists are running my life, it's like I'll throw it away and I'll write a new one.

Speaker 1:

Oh my god, that is such good advice. That is absolutely surrender and have fun. Like, obviously, life is hard and challenging and there's big things that we have to navigate, but also it gets to be fun, it gets to be enjoyable, like I think we can sometimes be like okay, what's my life going to look like and what do I need to do and who do I need to be and what do I need to be achieving and all the different things, what milestones should I be ticking off by this age? It's like, also, life is meant to be fun. You're meant to be actually enjoying this process.

Speaker 1:

And I also think surrender is a big one as well, because sometimes, if we're so caught up on what life needs to look like or stressing about how behind we are or what we're not doing, we miss things Like we miss the things that are actually meant for us because we're so focused on looking down this tunnel of what life should be like. There's like a billion things outside the tunnel being like opportunity, opportunity, opportunity, and we're like no, no, no, because my life's meant to look like this, so surrender and have fun Absolutely brilliant pieces of wisdom With looking back on your 20s and what you have experienced in your 20s.

Speaker 1:

What would you say to that version of yourself in her 20s going into her 30s? Don't take things so seriously, carly.

Speaker 2:

Literally sometimes I could be so serious and a lot of the jobs that I had were heavy admin, I would say, and I think that it's hard to switch my brain from business to personal. I do get wrapped up in work a lot quite easily, but I would also then bring that seriousness to life and where it should be, running around having a little bit more fun, finding the joy in the little moments like family of four a bit crazy I would. I'm the eldest daughter of three boys who are nuts, so I would always find myself like trying to control and reprimand and just I want things my way, I think, yeah, actually the control thing, that would be it. I would tell her to relax the control, trying to control things that's really good.

Speaker 1:

That is really good advice as well. Also hard relate. Is that a female thing? I'm not sure, but, like control also has been a big one for me of learning to let go. What part of you do you feel that you have had to leave behind in your 20s that couldn't come with you to your 30s, that you've had to let go, a part of your identity or way of thinking or beliefs that have just just can't come with you in your 30s? To be honest, I will go back to COVID.

Speaker 2:

I was like I was very loud and proud, like I I really wanted people to just not take all the rules and regulations on or like as regimented as everyone did, like everyone really stepped in line and I'm very fight for your freedoms. Like you've got the right to fight for your parties. We I even protested when they they create the new lockout laws in Sydney that you weren't allowed to go back into the clubs after two o'clock in the morning and we protested that we were like no, don't tell us what we can and can't do. We're supposed to have fun. But within that I had a very big sense of you have to think my way, otherwise I can't be around you, and I had to leave that behind. Like I would literally on social media, I would unfollow, I would block anyone that had a different opinion about me. If anyone said to me like we trust the science, this, that and the other, do you, carly, you can't be breaking the rules, I would literally just block and delete and I would. I created an echo chamber of people who believed and thought like me, but that isolated friends, family, people that I'd known my whole life, and I had to rebuild those friendships, which I have now, and connections, but that was the version of me headstrong. I just was so my way or the highway, and that's who I've left behind in my 20s.

Speaker 2:

I knew she couldn't come to my 30s because life isn't as black and white as I wanted it to be. It's very, very. You know, there's a lot of gray and there's a lot of. I think working in the pubs really helped me, because you see a vast array of human beings and they've got stories to tell and you know, I think, and they're all of all different ages, like you know, and I think what you're doing here with this podcast is amazing because it is showing different versions of 30 year olds, people, people in their thirties, because that's honestly, that's what you'll get working at a pub. You will get to meet a vast array of people who lived a completely different life to what was told, what was on track for us as kids.

Speaker 2:

There's a lot of people out there that have lived and traveled, I think, being in Darwin. There's a lot of people up there that beat to their own drum up there. It's yeah. So I think, moving up into the territory and then moving here, really, I really let go of the whole. No, no, you have to think my way, otherwise I can't have a conversation with you which, literally, I was so stubborn, so ignorant.

Speaker 1:

That is humongous.

Speaker 1:

Like even just that level of self-awareness and the way in which you've had to drop your ego completely, and that was the most self-aware answer I've heard like. I actually am shocked by just your ability to be like actually, the thing I need to leave behind is the thing about my myself. Like I, you had to completely change a way of thinking and when you are that way of thinking, like when you're very stubborn, you're very like no, everyone listen to me like it's a very, that's a very, very, very hard thing to let go of, to like open your like, open your mind your way thing. And it's also not saying I have to let go of what I believe in or what I think, but it's just like yeah, I also am okay if other people don't think that, or it's not.

Speaker 1:

It's not like a'm going to die on this hill anymore. It's like I believe it's okay if you don't, like I don't need to die here. And I think the point you made about meeting lots of different people. I really liked that too, and I think that that was one of the main reasons I wanted to start to interview people on my podcast that are more just everyday people living everyday life, because you start to realize that everyday life and everyday people there is no, is no one. There is no one person living one way of life. Like everybody makes different decisions, everybody's doing different things, there are so many like hundreds of thousands of different ways that you can choose to live your life, and neither are right or wrong. It's just yours.

Speaker 1:

Like you're not fucking it up by doing something different to other people. There is no quote-un, unquote, normal, like when you actually get to know people. People are living such wild, crazy lives, doing like packing up their whole life and just moving across the world or moving states or never living in one house.

Speaker 1:

Or people are living that stable life and they fucking love it and it's like wait, how boring you can be friends with all of them literally you can be friends with all, and how fucking boring is it to just have one type of person that you're around all the time like, yeah, I want people who are doing different things to me, and that reminds me, actually, my sister said something to me once which I think is relevant to what you just said.

Speaker 1:

I'm so different to my sister, like she's very type a, very organized, like basically, whatever the opposite is of me. She is, like I'm very chaotic. Very type b. I changed my mind a lot. She had a really stable career. I'm like run my own business, do my own thing, make my own rules, like we're just very different.

Speaker 1:

And I said to her she's 12 years older than me and I was having this big life crisis about changing my mind on something. And I ended up crying to her because I was like I feel like you're going to be disappointed in me because my life is so chaotic and so crazy and I always change my mind. And she sat down next to me and she hugged me and she was like Ash, like I would never be disappointed. She's like do you know how much vibrancy you bring to my life, that you are the way that you are? She's like why would I want you to be a carbon copy of me? Why would I want to be around people that are doing the exact same as me? It's fun to be a part of your life. It's fun to see you change your mind and do all these different things and I was like yeah, like bawling my eyes out, like a fucking bank, so funny.

Speaker 1:

But it's like that is such a valid point though. It's like yeah. I found it so interesting to get to sit down and talk to you and I feel so grateful to hear your story like. This is your journey, your story and you're sharing it with us and I genuinely feel so grateful to hear like your 20s and your relationships and moving to Darwin and what that looked like, and moving to Harvey Bay and leaving a relationship and having a baby.

Speaker 1:

I'm like this is like so fascinating and within that, within your story, there have been so many lessons and bits of wisdom that you have shared so effortlessly. Like you just say these most profound life advice, like it's absolutely fucking nothing, which I think is really cool. Obviously, you're early in your thirties and you have a long way to go till you get to your forties. What, for you, do you envision for yourself for your thirties? How do you want to feel about yourself? What are you hoping your life looks like? What are you hoping to feel?

Speaker 2:

I feel I really want to feel the joy in the moments going forward and I think, even though I'm six weeks into motherhood, there's already been so many moments of oh my God, this is so hard. Obviously, newborn trenches, this is wild, and I am breastfeeding, so I'm up every three hours. So I think, and I have had those moments where the rage and the no sleeping and I've really struggled to be able to look around and see just how good life is, and so I'm. That's what I'm really working on at the moment and I think that that will be a telltale thing throughout the next. What seven, eight years it's.

Speaker 2:

Find the joy in the little moments. I don't have a big vision of white picket fence, gonna buy a house, live here. I think I do actually more so see, brodie and I and Eden actually traveling, traveling a little bit more and moving around and seeing more different parts of life. Yeah, that's where we're. So that's where I'm sort of focusing at the moment and I think that, yes, it is a long time till 40, but I want to be able to say that I still lived a little bit in my 30s as well you will live a lot in your 30s.

Speaker 1:

We're living lots in our 30s. Our 30s are a year. Our 30s are the 30s of the fucking year. I'm telling you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think so. I think that the boundaries that we have and the no fuck that I'm not doing that anymore, I'm not people pleasing as much, I'm not standing around and 30s definitely same same oh my god when I look at me in my early 20s I'm like who is that girl?

Speaker 1:

I don't even know. Like the version of me now is like so self-accepting of all parts of me rather than just being like what do I need to be? Who do I need to be? How do I please other people? How do I belong? How do I make my life look amazing? How do I make sure it looks like I'm making?

Speaker 1:

the right decisions. Now it's like what fucking feels good to me the end? Yep, that's it. Yeah, no, the end. People do say this like as you get older, do you get more selfish, and it's like, you see, like really old people, like in their sixties or seventies, like I know my granddad jokes about it. He was saying the rudest things sometimes and I'm like long to be here that's it.

Speaker 1:

That's exactly it yeah, I love this for you. I'm like, as we get older, is this what happens? We just become more and more so because we realize like actually, wow, I only have one life. Why the fuck am I living it to make other people think of me a certain way, like that is actually ridiculous and I don't want to do that anymore. So I'm excited for 30s and 40s, like I'm excited to to evolve as a person and experience more of life.

Speaker 1:

I almost like it's so wild to me that you are so in the newborn trenches, like, like I said, my daughter is 13, my son is 11, so, yeah, it's been a very long time since I've had a baby in my house and it's hard, like it. It's a lot the lack of sleep, the, the dependency on you, like you not, it's like you are not your own person for the next few years. And even like my kids are older and they obviously still, I don't think you ever feel fully like your own person because you're always thinking about them and things like that.

Speaker 1:

But in the days that you're in now it's like you are one with your child, and it can be a lot.

Speaker 2:

Like sometimes that can be like like I don't want to hold you for five.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, mom, thank you for being here for six weeks. You're like. I actually booked the podcast so I could have a break for 45 minutes. Look, not gonna lie probably this was actually about me having a rest and not being a mom for five seconds.

Speaker 1:

I'm glad that I could provide that space for you and I think it's really really cool. I cannot thank you enough. Like I know that I've said it, but it's such a it's such a cool thing. Like you've just come on a podcast and shared your life with us. Like that is pretty fucking cool and your life is so interesting and I feel like your life is going to continue to be so interesting and there's going to be so many more things that you experience because you surrender, because you trust yourself, and I just think that that's incredibly cool and I just, I just want to thank you so much. I would love to know a last thing that you would say, given that the podcast is about being in your 30s and leaving your 20s. If people are listening to this and they're women in their 30s, what would be something that you would say to them?

Speaker 2:

have courage. I think a lot of us lose a little bit of confidence in the later years or in that later 20s into the 30s. I went through it myself and having to redefine my confidence, that was a big journey for me and so if you can stick with your courage and confidence of who you are, I think you'll move into the 30s a little bit easier and through the 30s easier yeah, through them and like conquering them, we're going to 30s.

Speaker 1:

I just think anyone who's listening to this in their 30s, I think it's just going into it with the mindset of just like this is going to be my best years yet, like I'm just going to step into myself and my life and do whatever the fuck that I feel is good for me.

Speaker 2:

Even if it doesn't look like what you want right now, you know, just keep going through yourself.

Speaker 1:

Yep know, just keep going through yourself. Yep, perfect. Thank you, carly. Thank you so much for being here. I have absolutely loved talking to you and getting to know you and I genuinely feel like anyone who listens to this podcast is going to walk away with so fucking much like. Genuinely, this is the power of telling our story. It just it just lands for so many people in so many different ways. So thank you so much for being here well.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for hosting and providing this space for us to experience.