Interview with Scott Mawdesley - 002

Scott Mawdesley Bio:

Scott has traveled extensively both internationally and across the US training leaders around discipleship strategy and how to better create spaces for community.

He is currently the Spiritual Father Program Director at Man in the Mirror leading the vision toward raising up 10,000 spiritual fathers through intergenerational discipleship.  

He also leads his own non-profit, Dads on Tap, gathering thousands of dads annually to help craft better dads across his community. He is the host of 2 monthly podcasts: The Spiritual Fathers podcast and the Dads on Tap podcast. 

Scott lives with his wife of 23 years, Natalie and his son and daughter in Buford, GA where he enjoys cooking, making leather goods, finding the perfect cup of coffee and discovering the next great book to read!  

Interview Questions:

Q1:  How would you describe your personality? Extravert / Introvert / ambivert (a mixture of both) / how do you believe your personality affects your interaction with people?

Q2.  When you walk into a room and do not know a single person, how would you respond? (More stay to yourself or look for someone to talk to asap)

Q3.  How have you learned the “importance of communication” in a business interaction? 

Who is or was your biggest influence in your life on business social skills? 

Q4.  How do you utilize asking questions in a conversation?

Q5.  What impresses you with another person in an interaction?

Q6.  Why do people hesitate to go deeper in conversations?

Q7.  Who was your model who best represented business social skills in your life?

Q8.  What mistakes do you see when people are interacting with each other? How should they change it?

Q9.  You’re a person of heart, how do you work your way to making that human connection?

Q10.:  What would you say is still challenging for you when interacting with people?

Bonus Question - you buy five questions you get one free…

• What are you learning right now / how are you being challenged?

Top Five Rapid Fire Round

• Good or bad remembering names… 
• Good or bad listener if completely honest…
• What is your pet peeve or just drives you crazy about people?
• A strength you bring into a conversation…
• How do you know when you’re starting to connect with another person?

Scott Mawdesley LinkedIn to connect

Resources to Use:

The System Elite Connectors Use to Remember Names

If you’re serious about improving your business communication skills, I created a step-by-step system you can download right now — absolutely free.

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30 Connection Questions for Stronger Business Conversations

This is a proven question set to improve every conversation in the 1st 5 minutes.

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• 1st 5 Minutes Book

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome to the leaders of interconnected podcasts. Why do you interact with people to upbreak your opportunity to develop a real and into interconnected? Now, whether you're a rookie or a rocket star with people, you're in the right place right now. Let's do this. Scott Modsley is a social entrepreneur who has traveled extensively both internationally and across the U.S., training leaders on how to better create spaces for community. He is currently the Spiritual Father program director at Man in the Mirror, leading the vision towards raising up 10,000 spiritual fathers through intergenerational discipleship. He also leads his own nonprofit Dads on Tap, gathering thousands of dads annually to help craft better dads across his community. He's the host of two monthly podcasts, the Spiritual Fathers Podcast and the Dads on Tap Podcast. Scott lives with his wife of 23 years, Natalie, and his son and daughter in Buford, Georgia, where he enjoys cooking, making leather goods, finding the perfect cup of coffee, and discovering the next great book to read. Well, I'm here with the Scott Maudsley, one of my best people in the entire world. How are you, Scott? I'm well, man. How are you doing, bud? Man, thrilled and always better when I'm with you. So I'm super excited because you've got a not only just a long history with me, a long history of communication, conversation, and connection.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Long time, man. You start talking in decades. We've known each other longer than we haven't. How about that?

SPEAKER_00 1:44

I know. Well, we used to make fun of that guy, and we are now that guy. So hey, let's dive right in here. Um, man, so many questions that I want to ask you, Scott. But um, let's start with when you describe your personality, how how would you describe that to somebody else?

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Well, I'm an introvert by nature. So uh I enjoy people, uh, but I but I I fuel or refuel kind of on my own, reading a book or with a set of close friends. So, you know, uh Brian, I've often I've often joked that man, put me in a room where there's a purpose behind it. I get energy from that room. Put me in a room like a cocktail hour or something where there's really no reason to be there, uh, man, I just that wears me out. I go find the one person that I can find a connection with and I go deep.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

So, since I was gonna ask you when you walk into a room, what's the first thing you would do? It would honestly depend on if it's a purpose for that room versus just kind of to hang out. Would that be a correct summary?

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, if if it's if there's a purpose, man, I'm I'm I'm there, I'm on it, and and I get energy from that. If it's just kind of a social, a mixer, get to know some new people. My goal is to find a couple people that I can make a real connection with, and then I'll lean in there as much as possible. I don't I don't I don't work a room very well when it comes to just the the social side of getting to know people, the chit chat.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

You got it. So, how have you learned through the years the importance of communication and of business interaction?

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Man, I think I'm still learning in that. Um, yeah, I think we all have the capability. And Brian, one of the things you're great at is teaching and training around regardless of your wiring, regardless of uh of um, you know, your personality, uh, we all have to figure that out. And so um, you know, I think for for those of us who enjoy uh going deep, feeling a real relational connection, I think we always have to keep in the back of our head when we're just in a real social type setting, that the way we get to that deeper level of connection is by doing the uh, you know, I hesitate to say surface conversation, but the chit-chat stuff well. I mean, that's the way you get to a deeper level, right? And so appreciating the thing that we may not do naturally or may not enjoy, uh, that it could lead us towards something that is more beneficial or something that we enjoy more.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

That makes perfect sense. Who would you say through the year, Scott, has been maybe a model that has been uh an example of somebody, whether it's through how they've communicated or an influence in your life because of how they connect with with people? Anyone that you could kind of look at that's been that that mentor?

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Yeah, you know, I've had a lot of great mentors in my life. Uh, you know, I think of um uh one of my what I refer to as a spiritual father named Tom Mullins. Um, he was a coach, uh, athletic director in South Florida, and then started a church that I was a part of for a long time that has made a huge impact uh in the West Palm Beach, kind of the Palm Beach County area. He's just so good with people and just walk into a room and engages. And he's a he's a very purposeful, purpose-driven kind of guy, but just takes the time to care about people and and uh you know, uh ask the simple questions. Um you know, I think there's he just radiates um not as much concern for himself, but concern for others, you know, and that's something I really admire in him. And I I could probably name a couple more like that.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Sure. Do you remember how old you were when you started to value what you're seeing in Tom?

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Uh yeah. So let's see, I moved from Virginia to Florida in uh June of 1999. So I would have been 26 years of age. And uh, you know, I just uh there there's there's uh you know, I'll two two good examples that I'll share. Uh I just remember. Um uh before I had gone to work there, I had been in some dysfunctional environments where um where sarcasm, I say I used to say sarcasm was used as a weapon, it certainly was a survival strategy, you know. You say the things you can't really say, but say it in a sarcastic, funny way, and you can get away with it. Um, and I remember my first time with with Tom, or I call him coach, where we were having a conversation about a really difficult circumstance. And I remember, Brian, I laid out just the most sarcastic, dripping statement. And uh we were sitting in his office, and I remember clearly had a pen in his hand, he was writing something. All he did was he looked up at me. His only response was just to look at me quietly, and he went and then he looked right back down at his paper, and it was the first time I realized that sarcasm wouldn't work, and that it was a healthy environment that didn't require me to have to use that tool, right? To survive, or you know, uh so and that's that's one. The other one I remember uh clearly was I was at a conference several years later, and I had two mentors, Tom and another guy was there. I won't name the other guy because it wasn't as positive of an experience, and I hadn't seen either of them for a while, and I had lined up to have lunch with the other guy, and we uh we met for lunch that day, and Brian, it was so evident from the first time we reconnected that he just didn't know what to do with me. Like the fact that I was no longer a part of the mission, a part of you know, helping him accomplish something. I mean, it was awkward as could be. We went and sat across the table for lunch, and it was about five minutes of me just asking him questions, nothing in return. And literally, bro, about the five-minute mark, he looked at me and said, looked at his watch and said, Well, good to see you, Scott. I gotta go. And he walked, he got up and left. And I was like, Man, this is a guy that had an impact on me. And I was just kind of, you know, I was I was feeling that. And uh the next session of the conference after lunch was coach. He was speaking in a big session, and I was sit, I went to the room and sat down early, and I was just kind of processing that really disappointing interaction. And I looked over and coach walked in the room, and you know, he had a lot to do. He had probably several hundred people that were coming to listen to him speak. And as soon as he saw me, man, he walked across the room, he flipped a chair around right in front of me, and he looked at me, he said, Son, so good to see you. Tell me what you're learning. And for about the next 10 minutes, I was the only guy in the room to him. And you know, to have that kind of a um to all in about an hour's time, yeah, and bipolar expenses. Yeah, totally. Uh, but man, I tell you that that type of influence from him, you know, just man, that's who I want to be, right? Like, I don't want to be the guy that just only connects when it's something that he can get from it, or that, you know, um, you know, it not it's not it's about production, not the people. Um, I really want to be be a people person and care about people because, you know, they're worth caring about.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Well, Scott, and that's a great story. It kind of leans into the next question of why do people hesitate maybe to go deeper in conversations? And you alluded to one where it was obviously narcissistic, only about their objectives. What are maybe some other reasons why you think people are hesitant to kind of go from the this uh the shallows of the waters, if you will, and to go into deeper waters?

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Yeah, well, I think some of it's wiring, you know. I think there are people who love skipping rocks across the relational, you know, uh river or uh they're they're just they're great in the moment, kind of getting to know people. But man, if you start to go a little deeper, they're like, Man, I'm not sure about that, you know. And and who knows? That could relate to some level of trauma and life experience, or it could be related to wiring. You know, for me, yeah, I've I've been primarily a pastor. So I love, I care about people. Yeah, I'm in the people business, and uh, so it's real simple for me or real easy. It's like, man, I want to I want to get to know like who are they and what do they think about and how can I help that and what connections can I make. Um, you know, so I I I think that's uh yeah, I would say wiring as much as anything. Um, but then uh I think in awareness, I think it takes it takes a level of maturity to walk into a room and be aware of who is there and what's going on around you and not just be thinking about what's my thing or what's my goal in this room or what do I want to get out of it?

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Yeah, and that's an easy default to do when you walk into a room and to have an agenda on there. And I think, Scott, just watching you through the years and the decades, I think that you've done a great job of having that balance between being fully present, and but maybe you would like to talk to somebody about a certain aspect and uh maybe leverage the the balance between the two. Uh Scott, what would you say is maybe challenging for you when you are interacting with people besides personalities or something through the years, since you've been doing this for decades, it's still maybe just a little bit challenging or put you in in your deep thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 10:34

Yeah, so I would say two challenges for me in relating to people. I would say one, because I'm not great at that small talk, could be a little awkward for me in a uh room of mostly strangers. Um, and so I have to really, I mean, this was true this past Friday morning early. Uh, there was a gathering of men in our community, and I know a couple of guys in the room, but not a lot. And I went and you know, it just I had to kind of muddle through, you know, seeing a guy, and then he introduced me to somebody, and then I had to, you know, I had to ask some questions and in it and it and uh I'm not sure I'll ever be fully comfortable there, Brian. Like, man, I just get this, but um being uh good enough at it, and then knowing that we got to a point where we got to sit down and I got to go deeper with a few, and in that I'm a lot better at that, right? So I think some of it's just giving me the giving myself the grace that's good to go, hey, I'm gonna press in here, I'll do my best, but I know that um there's one area where I'm really proficient, there's another area where I'm not as proficient, and you know, that's okay. Just keep learning, keep growing. Um, you know, I I think that's uh that's that's a super helpful way for me to kind of look at it. I had another I had another example in mind, but um it slips my mind right now, Brian. You know, we're we're both getting old, we're both in our 50s now.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

You circle back about you circle back if you think of it. I think but I do know, I mean, you're really good with asking questions. So I could see you walking into that room on a Friday morning and not necessarily hiding behind the questions, but I think if anything, just kind of allowing yourself to kind of go at your pace from the shallow waters a little bit into those deeper waters within that I know that would make me feel more comfortable if we've been reading for the first time. I would not have guessed that that would be an awkward interchange with you and me if you're the one asking the questions. Um actually, Brian, to that point.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Uh you see you you sparked my my memory there. Uh, the other thing that's really hard for me, and you and I actually had a conversation recently about this, is um, you know, I love to meet new people. I'm a connector, and so um, you know, there's I'm a pretty easy yes when it comes to let's grab coffee or lunch or breakfast with someone new. Um, a lot of times I'm harder to have that second meeting with, and especially when I spend time with someone who's just not curious and doesn't ask many questions. You know, you and I were together recently at a coffee shop, and as we were talking, uh literally I'm sitting in that coffee shop thinking, you know what, there's been there's been two meetings I've had in this this very coffee shop in the last year where I just left the meeting. I'm like, I don't think I'm gonna meet with them again. Because I I I I think maybe one of them asked one question about me and my life, and the other one didn't ask a single one. And you know, I to me that's this just not a mutually beneficial relationship, right? When someone's not even curious enough to say, hey, who's across the table from me and what makes them tick, you know? And um, so I think that's the other that's the other thing that can be hard for me uh in relationships and conversations.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Well, and that lens to one of my questions about what mistakes do you see people when they're interacting with each other and how should they change that? And I think it's a good one is for the lack of asking questions. Why do you think that is? Do you think it's because of their nervous? Do you think that it's a selfishness about them, Scott? Do you think it's a lack of awareness?

SPEAKER_01 13:57

Yeah, it's interesting. So if I had to dial that in, I would say one of those men, it's just a younger guy who uh maybe has not had enough life experience to be curious. You know, I think there's something about, I mean, you and I are firmly in the second half of life, and I think you know, when you when you get to a place of more maturity, more wisdom, I think you're just more curious about other people, you know. It's like, man, I don't I don't have to posture myself here. Like I'd just kind of like to know who they are. So that would be one the one guy. The other guy is a similar age to me. I I if I were guessing, I'd say uh he sits in a very prominent position uh in a local community where a lot of people are coming to him and he's the center of the attention. Uh, and so he's become used to becoming the center of attention, you know, and so it's blinded his curiosity because he's just used to people coming to him and wanting things from him, or you know, so I just think I just think it's a blind spot, would be my guess for him.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

That's good, that's very good. And as the bigger concern the older we get if we're not asking those questions out of curiosity, it's it's rare to kind of go back to get to the heart of that.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Yeah, yeah, it does take a level of self-awareness, yeah, for sure, and sometimes humility to get you back to that one spot. So but but back to the heart of that. I want to dive a little bit deeper on that. If you are sensing, Scott, that you can get to the heart of somebody and you're in that position with a within the conversation, what do you do to kind of maybe let let me know if we're having that conversation maybe for the first or second time, and you're feeling like, wow, there's some maybe some something that wants to come out of side of me. Um, how would you encourage that in a conversation that lets me know it's safe or like, man, I feel like there's something that I want to share?

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Yeah, uh honestly, so a lot of the work that I do, Brian, is in uh I would call it healing, I would call it um, you know, because in pastoring you're dealing so many times you're interacting with people who are in a maybe a tough spot, or um uh look they look to you as having some level of understanding or wisdom around growth. Uh, you know, I think what what what I've always done or tried to establish first and foremost is um an authentic environment. So uh oftentimes for me, I'm quick to share a little bit of my story that just shows that man, I have it all figured out, um, or to relate to something that they've shared, where it's like, hey, man, I totally relate, you know, because um not to turn it back on myself, but just enough to say, hey, let me show you that I can relate to that and that this is a safe space, you know, if if if we're gonna go to a deeper place. Um, you know, if if I'm trying to help guide somebody, I mentioned those two guys. If I'm trying to help guide somebody um more awareness or learning and growth, uh sometimes it might be um interjecting a quick story. Hey, you said that, let me share a little bit about this, right? Or hey, tell me, you know, let me tell you about you mentioned your kids, let me let me talk about my kids for a second, right? And just trying to help them um uh turn a corner towards a little bit more interest to see that hey, we can relate here, right? It doesn't have to be a one-way conversation or discussion.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

That it's a dialogue, not a monologue. Absolutely, yeah, and I think that's a challenge for some people because they're just not used to it. Or sometimes, and I've seen this with you, Scott, where we're talking to somebody and they're just not used to somebody ask asking questions of them. So we could just continue to ask questions all day long and they'll answer them because they're being asked questions. And it's not that they don't necessarily want to ask a question, they're just not used to that, which is I mean, maybe just a case of modeling. Um, what are you learning right now? I mean, what do you think as far as within in the world of conversation, the world of connecting with people? What do you think you're learning right now?

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Yeah, well, you know, I'm on a little bit of a learning curve right now, and just regards to family, right? There's a my son's, we're taking my son to school to college for the first time. He just graduated high school in May. And so um, I'm I am thinking about my world in a new way without my son here consistently. That's that's uh my emotions are up and down on that. Yeah, uh, you know, I'm excited for that. But I'm you know, I'm thinking about okay, so half of my parenting time that I've invested, I mean, almost every day of my life for 19 years, yeah, is now um gonna be a different, very different, right? Like not as active, yeah, not as engaged, not as involved. And so I've been thinking about that. I mean, part of that is turning now towards I have I have one more at home, my daughter who's starting high school, and I think that's gonna be a unique way for she and I to connect in a different way. And I and she and I, I think we're both excited about that. Um, but I'm I'm thinking about having more free time. I mean, we're talking, you know, everything from all kinds of basketball games and studies, and you know, I mean, you think about all the things that goes into the life of raising your children when they're home. Um, and I'm thinking about where do I take that relational investment now? What does that look like for me? What are the opportunities that that brings to me to be able to invest in others in maybe a different way that I haven't been able to up until this point, you know? So that's a that's a big one for me. I think for also in in my marriage for Natalie and I, and this is gonna be a new um uncharted territory for us, right? I mean, so much of our time and attention for 19 years has been around parenting, and a good portion of that's been our son. And so, how do we relate in a different way? And what does that look like? And how do we parent one in the home, right? When there could be some challenges there, right? And so, man, I feel like I'm going back to not maybe back to zero or point A, but there's a big reset getting ready to happen about how we do life and how I think about my influence with others. If that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

Um, one thousand percent. And I think for those listening along at home or may not be home, is that you have a uh you need ability where you will look at the next season that's coming up. How do you close one season and then how do you open up another season? And I think it's a gift that God has given you, uh Scott. And I think for those of us that are listening, is wow, boy, if we could do that, if we could really close the current season and even before that next season begins, how do I go in with eyes wide open and look at that season? So, and I think that's one of the things we're really trying to teach with the elite business connector is how do I go in and build some depth in relationships? You know, how do I go? It's not automatically we're in connection. You know, we're it were in initially just the the communication to even that vehicle of our our our conversations that's eventually hopefully going to lead into a connection at that. So absolutely let's uh let me hit you with these uh rapid fire questions here. Yeah, all right. Okay, are you good or bad at remembering names, not faces, names?

SPEAKER_01 20:58

Uh I would say average. Okay. Um, you know, I think there's a there's a bit of just natural like remember memory that I have for it, but I've got to apply myself. I don't certainly don't have a photographic memory, or it's not easy for me just to, but if I apply myself, you know, like I've got a card right here of a guy that I met recently, and uh, you know, having the business card is important for me because then I can look at the name I can remember, right? I mean, there's just little things uh that I've little tools or little little uh um strategies that I've picked up that remind me, you know, nobody uses paper anymore, but I do.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

There you go. No, that's a use is a good one to use. And I appreciate you after a year not calling me Butler. Hey Butler, calling me Brian. So anyway, um, good or bad listener, if completely honest.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

That's an interesting one. Um by nature, I'm a I'm a good listener. Uh but that depends on the environment. I think I'm probably a better listener. When I'm meeting someone for the first time, or when I'm trying to identify how can I help them or what connection can I make? Probably if someone becomes more familiar to me, whether that's in my home, right? Or whether that's with a friend, I probably have to guard against being too wordy or talking too much.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

That's good. Very, very insightful. What is your pet peeve that just drives you crazy about people in general in the course of a con conversation or connections?

SPEAKER_01 22:29

I think we already touched on it, man. Someone that's not curious, someone that doesn't ask any questions, man, that just drives me nuts. I'm like, how can you not be curious about the person across the table from you?

SPEAKER_00 22:40

I know, I know. Seriously. A strength that you bring into a conversation.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Uh, the ability to connect and the ability to um find some depth early.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Good. How do you know when you're starting to connect with another person? Well, you're working through the communication into a conversation, and you're now all of a sudden you feel like there's that that you're clicking with that person.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Yeah, it's rare for me, Brian, to meet someone new or be in a conversation where I can't figure out some connection. Yeah. But you could boil my life down into one word personally, it's connect.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

True.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Um, the challenge would be when I don't sense any energy from their end about the connection point. Yeah. Right? Because you know when someone's engaged, you go, Oh, oh, you so you've been spent some time in Michigan. Oh, yeah, well, I grew up in Michigan. Oh, really? Where? Right? Like it just naturally, there's a natural lean-in that happens where you go, okay, I'm feeling this. Yes. But when someone has like zero, like so you grew up in Michigan, yeah. Were you? Oh, I was from Michigan. Okay, good. All right.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Well, check it, check it if that poll work. Exactly. One would think it would go somewhere. So well, perfect, Scott. Any any closing thoughts or comments?

SPEAKER_01 24:01

Yeah, I'll tell you, um, earlier when we were we were talking about just the season, uh, besides your book, there's another great book that I've been reading that that that speaks to uh some of the things I'm learning. It's a book called From Strength to Strength by Arthur Brooks, Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life. And it's this fascinating um uh journey into what makes us successful as as young men and women, uh, and then the shift that has to happen for us to become successful as older men and women. And there's a very distinct shift that's had that has to happen. And it and it and for me, I'm right in the middle of that season uh that's really, really fascinating, and it's bringing a great level of encouragement to me about where I need to grow. So I would say, you know, pick make sure they pick up your book, and I would say that strength the strength book is worth picking up as well. Excellent.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

No, excellent. Well, Scott, thanks for your time today. I greatly appreciate um all the knowledge you brought, and uh, I know it's valuable for the listeners today. Glad to be here, brother. Always good to be with you. Well, our first interview, episode 002, is officially in the books, in and out, nobody got hurt. I'd like to thank Scott Modsley for his time and investing into us. I hope you walk away challenged and better as a result of this interview. Remember that all of this episode's links are available in the show notes. Well, as we closed, I'd love to hear from you and available for your questions, your comments, suggestions, snider marks, I mean ideas. And you can find me at Brian, B R Y A N at Brianpaulbuckley.com. As my father used to say, thanks for coming, but most of all, thanks for leaving. I'm out. You got this. Now it's your turn to do something with this episode. And always remember your communication starts a conversation that can lead to a connection of influence. You got this.