Which Conversational Personality Describes You? - 009

Podcast Big Idea: Each one of us has a conversational style that we need to find out which one is us and if it needs to be changed

18 Conversational Personalities:

1. The Know-It-All
2. The Bragger 
3. The One-Upper 
4. The Monopolizer
5.  The Hijacker
6. The Mechanic
7. The Pretender
8. The Inspector 
9. The Comedian 
10. The Re-router
11. The Skeptic
12. The Analyzer 
13. The Talker
14. The Talk-over 
15. The Answer Man
16. The Empathizer 
17. The Involver 
18. The Connecter 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Episode 009 of the Elite Business Connector Podcast. Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast, where we believe how you interact with people will make or break your opportunity to develop a real and influential connection. Now, whether you're a rookie or a rock star with people, you're in the right place right now. Let's do this. Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast. I'm your host, Brian Paul Buckley, husband of one, father of five, and on a mission to help you develop and master your business social skills. Well, today's key focus area is conversation. And our big podcast big idea is each one of us has a conversational style that we need to find out which one is us and if it needs to be changed. Let me tell you about Stan. He wants to get better in his people skills. The desire's there, but how he gets there is lacking. Stan has, well, style all right, but it's on the outside only. The man dresses for success. Now we need Stan's sense of style to be in how the conversation goes with the customer or on another business professional level. Whether we realize it or not, we each have a conversational style by default. Here's the question: Is it the right style for those listening to you? Everyone, like I said, has a conversational style. Men or women, younger or older, talkative or shy. Style is no protector of persons, and most of the time your eclectic side of being anti-style that even defines your style. I'm not talking about fashion per se, but what you say holds more conversational style weight than you could ever imagine. So then, when do we discount it or ignore it or even fight it? Either ignorance, meaning that you've never really thought about your conversational style, or arrogance, where you have a nonchalant attitude with no desire to work on the weaknesses. Sadly, I meet more of the arrogant side than the learning side. But my hope is since you're listening to this podcast, you're wanting to improve yourself in every area you can. I want to challenge you to listen to this list for the good and the bad styles so that you can work on you. Remember, there's a process to becoming an elite business connector. The elite business connector will try and leverage one or more of the upcoming positive conversational styles to work into a conversation. Why? To begin to build a connection through the conversation. Let me say that again. Why? To begin to build a connection through the conversation. Now, you may notice a strength or two in the list which is good, but I also want you to be honest with yourself on which describes you whether you want to claim the negative styles or not. For example, I have three positive conversational styles, but I also have two negative styles. If you're good and really listen, I just might share them with you at the end. How's that for motivation? There are also a number of upcoming styles that need to be minimized or removed for both you and myself. To become elite, you'll need to figure out which of the descriptors ahead are weaknesses that you can focus in on either to completely eliminate or to minimize so that you can continually progress. Here we go. 18 conversational styles. Number one, the know it all. They just happen to know everything and they tell you so. There's just no end of what they know. Just ask them. They have absolutely no interest in anyone else's opinions but their own. I mean, why would they when they already know it all? Obviously. Two, the bragger boasts of its accomplishments, exaggerates and subtly arrogant. The bigger the group, the more bravado he or she needs. He's the expert name dropper, and nobody has accomplished more. We should be glad to have their incredible accomplishments at our fingertips. Number three, the one upper. Here the listener sits quietly through the other person's story only to try to one up them with a better, more interesting story. It's a competition more than a conversation for the one upper. He always, and I mean always, has to finish last because that's just how a one upper rolls to end up on top. Four, the monopolizer. They can enter any conversation and artfully gain control before a single person can react. After all, you're there to listen to them and you're the you're the audience. Wait, you you didn't know that? Five. The hijacker. He refrains from talking while the other person talks and then just starts talking about and over whatever's on his mind, as they are two deaf ships passing in the night and hijacks them. I mean his conversation as a hostile takeover. Six, the mechanic. This person listens like a mechanic to a sputtering engine, trying to diagnose the problem so he can fix it. Another term is the problem solver. There's not a problem the mechanic cannot solve. He thinks he means well, but the main communicator feels interrupted, not listened to at all. Seven, the pretender. I hear you, I'm just not really listening. The pretender isn't really interested in what's being said. Their opposer acting like they're listening to you, but their mind is a million miles away. Some pretenders are rude and show you they're not interested and a million miles away. Others are completely fooling you. Eight. The inspector. The listener asks a series of questions, usually close-ended questions, in a way that feels like a detective questioning a suspect, trying to lure him into a confession. The questions aren't of interest but interrogation to take you where they want you to go to solve your problems. You're led to believe they're helping, but quickly you realize it's all about them. 9. The comedian. Timing is everything, and nothing brings more joy to the comedian but to bring a smile to someone's face and provide levity in the work environment. The key is he's busting on himself or neutral topics more than anyone else. Nine conversation styles down and nine to go after this short break.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Some people are just naturally funny. They get laughs without even trying. You know, that guy. Then there's the rest of us. But what if there were ways to learn how to add humor into your conversations and not just any conversations, but your business conversations? It's possible, and you can learn how with one simple action step. Download a copy of Brian Paul Buckley's bonus chapter, not found in his book, Elite Business Connector. So where do you find this bootleg never seen before chapter? Well, you can try and remember the URL, but honestly, it is just way too long. So go to the show notes to get your copy today.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

10. The rerouter. The listener takes the topic the speaker has addressed and rolls it over, however clumsily, into the topic she or or you want to talk about or the story that she or you want to tell. Eleven, the skeptic. This person listens with a negative tone and when speaks it starts with yeah, but no matter what you say, and try to convince them, they're the doubting Thomas. He not only sees the glass half full, he doubts the quality of the water. Yeah, that guy. twelve, the analyzer. This person sits back soaking in the conversation without saying anything for a while. Then out of nowhere, jumps into the conversation, catching everyone off guard. This could be a good trait unless he comes up for air and wants to argue everything just shared. thirteen. The talker. They came into this world at birth talking and are still talking no matter what. And they're still, especially with a new person, wanting to make sure that they let everybody know that they're the talker. They seem to be nice, but rarely allow others to add value to the conversation because, well, they're already talking. If you're in their presence, then you're the audience. Thank you very much. 14. The talk over. This style seems similar to the talker, but the talk over is more about wearing the other person down so they can stop talking and you win. For the listeners, this is exhausting because you have two people talking all the time, and the main person that loses, well, is you. Not cool, man. Talking over someone tells the other person that you don't value their thoughts and ideas more than theirs. Fifteen, the answer man. Look at me. Starts spouting solutions before there's a consensus about what the challenge might be. Desperately eager to please or impress with his quick quickness and brilliance to feel valued and indispensable. No matter the topic, he has the answer. Lucky us in his presence. Sixteen, the empathizer. They can emotionally relate to anyone and feels the other person's pain, while everyone else is badgering each other, often clueless, if someone is struggling in the moment. This person is rare and is an absolute gift not only in the conversation, but also as a friendship. You've got gold in this conversational style. 17. The involver. This person is always aware if someone is late joining the conversation to include them and catch them up. They also notice that when someone is confused, has a question, or just wants to say something and need a way into the conversation. 18. The connector. This person takes pride in finding the right topic to find similarities to connect. They want people to be involved, but takes it much further in having everyone involved in the topic at hand. So, did you find yourself in one or more of the conversational styles? Be honest, there may be a few, but choose which one is actually you. Now note you can view these 18 in the show notes if you'd like to review them individually. So, would you like to hear my top three? One, the comedian. I'm a one-liner kind of guy. I know, who knew that, right? And like to bring a smile to a face or quick unexpected laugh to bring levity to the moment. Number two, the involver. I want everyone who wants to be involved in the conversation to be involved in the conversation. And we'll do whatever I can to make this happen. And three, the connector. Big shocker on this one, right? And it took years to get to this point to be this one. But I want people involved, but also connecting with each other from their name and role to exactly what's being discussed. Connecting is all about the importance of making sure that people are involved. But would you also like to hear my bottom two? I see. You want to know my junk, don't you? As you should. Here they are. Number one, the pretender. If someone starts doing one or more of these negative conversational styles and I'm a captive audience stuck in their grasps, I turn to being the pretender, embarrassingly enough, not rudely, but mentally checked out and waiting to exit stage left. And my second one is, well, it could be the talker. If I'm passionate about a subject and people are willing to listen, I too often will fall into talker mode far more than asking questions and listening. It's definitely a growth area for me and one that most speakers struggle with big time. So if we're together and I asked you for your top three, what would they be? What about your bottom two? What would your answer be to me? Now I've got them listed in the show notes, so make sure you review them. But I'd love to know what your top three are, but also your bottom two. Where is your focus going in a conversation? I started to focus how my conversations were going and which styles were good that I needed to keep and improve. But I also found styles that are not becoming of me and I need to work on immediately. I wish I had this list and someone challenging me to improve in this area years and years ago. So if you are young in the business world, I encourage, I implore, I challenge you to identify what your top three are and what your bottom two are so you can grow. Remember, how you connect with people is how you influence people. This is the part of the growth side of you to know yourself and well enough to keep the good and challenge the bad, looking for ways to grow in every area. Hashtag complete self-honesty. Again, remember, how you connect with people is how you influence people. So if you truly believe this mantra, then I strongly encourage you to take a conversational style inventory to make the necessary changes that ultimately lead to influence. I found someone else's conversational style very quickly now that I'm conscious and studying their style. But I feel most people would not believe me if I called them out on their style and possibly argue against their style, especially if they don't care for that given style. But an elite business connector, they would welcome the opportunity to get feedback and improve. They've learned to put their wall of defense down and they're learning up. Can that be said of you? One of the best ways to evaluate yourself is literally in the moment. Pay attention to what you're saying or what you just said, and chances are it's one of the above 18 styles. Another option is to show the conversational styles to somebody else that you know and you trust and see if they can point out which one they feel best describes you. Now that's hard. That's big boy stuff right there to do that. But I encourage you to try that. You'd be surprised at what the answers are and can be very, very revealing and help you grow. Closing comments and Snyder marks. Well, episode 009 is officially in the books. In and out, and nobody got hurt. Episode talking points. Each one of us has a conversational style or two or three, whether we realize it or not. Awareness is the first step to learn about anyone listening to you already knows about you. And three, the elite business connector will try and leverage one or more of the conversational styles to work into a conversation. That's key. Let me say that one more time. The elite business connector will try and leverage one or more of the positive conversational styles to work into a conversation. Remember to subscribe and share the podcast. And if you're an extra mild guy or girl, please rate the show. It would mean a lot to me. This 18 episodes conversational styles, as I mentioned, are listed in the show notes for your viewing pleasure, so you can take your own conversational style inventory. I cannot encourage you more to do that. And Matt Caleb, kudos to the book Power Listening, for making me aware of the majority of these conversational styles. I highly suggest the book Power Listening. As we close, I'd love to hear from you and available for your comments, your questions, suggestions, or Snyder marks, I mean your ideas. Find me at Brian, B R Y A N at Brianpaulbuckley.com. And as my father used to say, thanks for coming, but most of all, thanks for leaving. I'm out. You got this now. Now it's your turn to do something with this episode. And always remember, your communication starts a conversation that can lead to a connection of influence. You got this.