What You Don't Know About a First Impression - 011

Podcast Big Idea: Your first impression is more important than you even realize

Key Word: Endearment 

Four Ways to Make the Most of a First Impression
1. Observe
2. Question
3. Remember
4. Endear

Episode Takeaways:

• First impressions happen in a flash, but they can stick around for ages in business relationships.  
• It's not just what you say. Your look, body language, and those first few words all paint a picture of you.  
• Want to be the person everyone gravitates towards? Focus on making others feel like they're the star of the show.  
• Everyone’s favorite radio station is WKLN: The desire to be Known, Liked, and Needed.  
• Challenge: Before you hit that next meeting or event, take a second to think about the impression you want to give off. Practice your opening questions and comments.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Episode 11 of the Elite Business Connector Podcast. Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast. I'm your host, Brian Paul Buckley, husband of one, father of five, and on a mission to help you develop and master your business social skills. Now, in the Elite Business Connector book, we discussed three focus areas to becoming and remaining an elite business connector: communication, conversation, and connection. Each odd numbered content-driven episode has a specific focus area, and today's key focus area is communication. In our podcast Big Idea, your first impression is more important than you realize. Keyword is endearment. Do you consider how you come across when first meeting someone new? There are two opposite approaches that people tend to fall into. Some, like Shane, are hyper aware of their appearance and their presentation. Every aspect, from clothing to hairstyle to body language, is carefully calculated to sculpt this perfect first impression almost to a vain point. Others, like Larry, seem to care very little about how they initially come across. Unkept and nonchalant, if you will, with a take me or leave me attitude, the bare minimum effort is applied. Come on, Larry. The real question is, which approach is more effective for making a positive lasting first impression? The reality is that both extremes potentially do more harm than good when it comes to truly connecting with someone new. Rather than focusing too much on giving off a fake persona, if you will, or ignoring your impression completely, the ideal is to find an authentic balance. Putting your best foot forward while making the other person not your appearance should be the priority. Did you catch that? Making the other person, not your appearance, the priority. Appearance is important, but most matters, and what really matters very little is your focus is not on the other person. Correction. Did you catch that? Making the other person not your appearance, but the priority. Appearance is important, but matters very little if your focus is not on the other person. First impressions. Business psychiatrist Mark Galston in his book Just Listen says we only have 40 seconds to speak during a conversation before we run the risk of dominating the exchange. Just 40 seconds. He describes the first 20 seconds as the green light when the other person likes you and is enjoying what you have to say. The next 20 seconds are the yellow light when the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you're long-winded. At 40 seconds, Galstone says, the light turns red and it's time to stop talking. The point? Well, get to the point. Don't get lost in unimportant details. How can you tell? Just look at the other person objectively and they'll give you the idea of whether they're interested or not. Now imagine if we actually use the green, yellow, and red light approach in conversation, especially our first impressions. Our connection rate would be a lot higher if we did. Just be aware of the light changing in the other person's head should challenge us to consider this approach. Learning how to communicate effectively with a complete stranger can be a bit overwhelming, writes William Howard in his book, How to Talk Effectively. You have no idea how to relate to each other or how to communicate with each other just yet. However, you communicate when you first meet a stranger can set the tone for the rest of your relationship. So you need to ensure that you make a good first impression with your dialogue. Well said by William Howard. Did you catch that? How you communicate when you first meet a stranger can set the tone. Sadly, too many people in a conversation are tone deaf, but not you. You're going to do as much as you can here to do your best and give the first best impression you can. Wearing and sharing. In order to influence someone, it must start with what type of impression you want to make on that person. They're soaking in, quote, all of you, everything you have to offer, end quote. Your eyes, your hairstyle, what you're wearing, your shoes, your voice. Most people are not trying to be critical, but they will notice these things, and they all become part of the first impression. It's not that they're necessarily being shallow, but it's all the information they have to go on at first. So in this area, are you more Larry, Shane, or somewhere in the middle? Then there's more than we realize is going on that's making in the first impression. Outward matters, especially in the first 20 seconds, but then how and what you communicate takes center stage for the next 20 seconds. It's easy to push back and minimize this sizing up when you meet someone, but the irony is we almost always do the same thing. So let's get beyond if we feel that we should or shouldn't and focus on making the best first impression we possibly can. If our goal is to move from communication to conversation, focus area number one to focus area number two, we absolutely need to consider how we're coming across to someone in those first few moments. Let's talk about handshakes and eye contact. Once you've dialed into what you're wearing and sharing and you're presentable with how you look, it then falls on the actions of your handshake and even more importantly, your eye contact. One of the first manners my parents taught me when we were was a firm handshake and making eye contact with the person no matter what. A firm, not bone crushing, or limp handshake matters as the first impressed physical contact made and can reveal quite a bit. To further build that first impression, we must look at the person in the eye and smile. Both light up a room and can cover about any other lagging impression you may have made. I've passed that on to my five buck fam kiddos. Now they'll meet you at the door, greet you, shake your hand, take your coat if needed, and introduce the family to my wife and me. Necessary? Yes. I want them to learn no matter what age, how we treat people when we initially meet means more to them than you realize. The popular radio station. Did you know almost every single person you meet tunes into a very popular station? This station is loved by old and young, experienced or newbies. It's called WKLN. When you, and I mean the first time you meet, they're gonna ask these four questions. There's three questions, I'm sorry. Do I know you? Do I like you? And do I need you? Every potential customer, client, partner, or guest is asking those questions about you. If you can be if you can be tuned into that station by answering those questions, you'll have to make you'll correction. Every potential customer, client, partner, or guest is asking those questions about you. If you can be tuned into that station by answering those questions, you'll have made a great first impression. And as research is showing, your new compadre is whizzing through these first impressions in mere seconds. Your appearance, your voice, words, body language, handshake, and eye contact all factor into the first impression. There's a lot there, but it matters. Again, your appearance, your voice, your words, your body language, your handshake, and your eye contact matter in that first impression. You may not be able to alter some things, aspects of your appearance, your voice, for example, but you can be aware of them at a minimum. Just make sure the combination of these outward expressions of you build a good first impression in the mind of the other person. We all want to be known, liked, and helpful. We all want to be noticed, acknowledged, affirmed, needed and important. Neither you or your new introduction will come right out. Correction. We all want to be known, liked, and helpful. We also want to be noticed, acknowledged, and affirmed, needed and important. Neither you or your new introduction will come right out and say it, but if you focus on acknowledging, affirming, needing, and making them feel important, well, you're in. Here are four ways to make the most of a first impression. So how do you actually an actu correction? So how do you actively make a good first impression? The first step is to take the initiative. Don't wait for someone to approach and speak to you. Go up to them, introduce yourself. Correction. So how do you actively make a good first impression? The first step is to take the initiative. Don't wait for someone to approach and speak to you. Go up to them, introduce yourself, shake their hand, and make eye contact. So the first of the four ways to make a good first impression is observe. We'll circle back later, but for now I want to touch on correction. If you're able to observe even a couple of these below, you're off to a great start for the first impression. If you're an elite business connector, all these below will become second nature. What are they wearing? What might they say about what might it say about them and how they perceive themselves? What are they carrying? What does it reveal about who they are and what they do? What are they sharing? What kind of vibe are they giving off in their demeanor? What are they doing? What is their body language telling you? What have they already said or what are they saying? Who or what are they looking at? What are the facial expressions telling you? Are they bored? Interested? Skeptical? Just to simplify and remember, all that we should observe, I often focus on three observations. What they're wearing, caring, and sharing. If someone were to make contact with me and used even one of the wearing, carrying, or sharing, they immediately get my full attention. And it isn't the isn't that the point of making a good first impression? Second way to make the most of a first impression. Questions. One of the easiest ways to make a good first impression and taking the pressure off of you is asking a couple of good questions up front that can engage the other person. This is my absolute must-go to, and it's easy to do when noticing what they're wearing, carrying, or sharing. The purpose of questions, when making a good first impression, is to demonstrate to the other person a genuine interest in them and in their lives. Asking about their work, their family, how their trip was, etc., will help focus the attention on them, not you. If you want someone to know, like, and need you, don't blather on about you. Ask questions about them. Third, remember. Remember what? Their name. Remembering someone's name is huge. Invest a little energy in that first interaction to learn and remember their name and use it in that first conversation. I like to say the three Pete. You say it first as soon as you get their name. Secondly, as you use it within the conversation, and third, you close with it. Nice to have met you, John. You can either gain major points or lose them with all one roll of the name dice, either remembering or forgetting someone's name. Never be the guy who says, What's up, guy, or what's going on, man? Read, I have absolutely no clue of your name. Realize this is going to correction. Realize this going in that catching and remembering that the other person's name is a huge part of making a good first impression. If you prioritize the name, your chances of remembering it have skyrocketed, and you'll be in rare company since most people do not remember remember or prioritize remembering names. And fourth, endear. The older I get, and the more experience I've had with people, I've want one feeling more than any other feeling, and that's to be endeared. I describe endeared to mean drawn to another person and wanting to be in their presence. There are people who we must be around, and then there's other people that we want to be around. The latter is endearment. There's something about those people that you're just pulled into being into their presence and wanting to be into their presence. They focus in on you and make you feel good. They divert attention on being the person that all the spotlight needs to be on. People magnetism is the ability to attract people using communication and social connections, according to the book How to Be Likable and Magnetic. This means that when someone is irresistible, good at knowing people, and attuned to what's happening in social settings, they usually have some form of people magnetism. People want to know and connect with these individuals somehow. Not only do that correction. People will want to know and connect with these individuals somehow. Not only that, but we want to imitate them as they inspire us to reach our potential because they genuinely see the best in us. They value other people's growth and progress as well as their own because they want to see it and want to win-win. Seek to develop the ability to let others feel endeared and your presence. Correction. Seek to develop the ability to let others feel endeared in your presence. It's an uncommon skill in our world. Endearment is a key attribute of an elite business connector. They understand the process begins and builds with a first impression. Competing with the wrong person. Unfortunately, we are often and way too often in competition for airtime in a conversation, shining the spotlight on ourselves. But that's not how endearment works. In fact, it's the opposite, the exact opposite. It's not pushed onto someone, but pulled. You don't know exactly why you're drawn to this person, and that's the magic of endearment. Can you be endeared in the first impression? Absolutely. Excuse me, correction. Can you be endeared in the first impression? Absolutely. When someone feels they're being heard from the start, they begin they're beginning the process of being drawn to you. They may not realize it, they just know that you're seeking to get to know them first. And that is the first step of endearment. It's the first track, correction. Endearment is the fast track to making a great first impression and ultimately the ability to influence. An elite business connector goes over and above to make a healthy first impression. They realize what's at stake. They want to look their best, communicate clearly, and be truly present not only in the first few seconds, but the whole conversation. The green, the yellow, and the red lights. Making a good first impression is about you. Making a lasting impression is about them. Closing comments and Snyder marks. Here's some episode takeaways. First impressions happen in a flash, but they can stick around for ages in business relationships. It's not just what you say, your look, body language, and those first few words all paint a picture of you. Want to be the person? Correction. Want to be the person everyone gravitates towards? Focus on making others feel like they're the star of the show. Everyone's favorite radio station is WKLN, the desire to be known, liked, and needed. Here's a challenge. Before you hit that next meeting or event, take a second to think about the impression you want to give off. Practice your opening questions and comments. Well, episode 11 is officially in the books, in and out, and nobody got hurt. Remember to subscribe to and share the podcast. And if you're the extra mild guy or girl, please rate the show. I would greatly, greatly appreciate that. As my father used to say, thanks for coming, but most of all, thanks for leaving. I'm out, and you got this now.