Why Great With Faces Bad With Names Doesn't Work (and how to fix it) - 015

Episode Big Idea

Remembering names isn’t a memory issue — it’s a focus issue.

The Real Reasons We Forget Names 

1. The Excuse: “I’m Bad With Names”

• Why saying this wires your brain not to try
• What that excuse silently communicates to the other person
• Why it sounds like you don’t care (even if you do)
• Reframing memory as trained vs. untrained

2. We’re Not Ready to Receive the Name

• What your brain is actually focused on during introductions
• Why names “fly past us” before we’re mentally ready
• The importance of mental availability in the first moments of connection

3. We’re Focused on What We’ll Say Next

• Why trying to be impressive sabotages connection
• Kevin Horsley’s insight: “People don’t hear names because they’re trying to be interesting instead of interested.”
• The truth: forgetting isn’t about memory — it’s about misplaced focus

Why Remembering Names Matters More Than You Think

• Research from The Elite Business Connector book:
  • 75% say remembering names is a high priority
  • Nearly 75% admit they forget names quickly
  • Only 36% consistently remember names
• What remembering someone’s name silently communicates:
  1. You care about them
  2. You pay attention to details
  3. You’re actually listening

How to Nail the Name Every Time

1. Control the Timing

• Why you shouldn’t lead with names
• Using the 1st 5 Minutes framework:
  • Read the Room
  • Begin the Banter
  • THEN exchange names

2. Be Ready

• Making the micro-decision that names matter
• Preparing your focus before the name is said

3. Use the “Three-Peat” Method

• Say the name three times:
  • Beginning: confirmation
  • Middle: reinforcement
  • End: lock-in

Five Name-Remembering Hacks That Actually Work

1. Ask About the Preferred Name

• James vs. Jim, Elizabeth vs. Beth, David vs. Dave
• Why preference matters more than correctness
• How ignoring it costs instant credibility

2. Get the Spelling

• Why spelling creates memory anchors
• “Bryan with a Y” and the power of playful repetition
• Unique spellings = instant connection points

3. Get the Backstory

• W

The System Elite Connectors Use to Remember Names

If you’re serious about improving your business communication skills, I created a step-by-step system you can download right now — absolutely free.

👉 Grab it here:

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• 1st 5 Minutes Book

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Transcript

Why Names Beat Faces In Business

SPEAKER_00 0:00

How important is it to remember names when meeting someone in business? Is it okay to say, well, I'm really bad with names, but always remember a face? Is it possible we don't actually have a memory problem with remembering names, but it's something else? We're gonna answer those questions and so much more in this episode called Why Great With Faces, Bad With Names Doesn't Work, and how to change it. Because you do realize that at the end of the day, hey you or hey man just isn't good enough. So I'm gonna challenge you all episode long to be a name caller. Are you with me? Let's go. Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast, where we believe how you interact with people will make or break your opportunity to develop a real and influential connection. Now, whether you're a rookie or a rock star with people, you're the right place right now. Let's do this. Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast. I'm your host, Brian Buckley, husband of one, father of five, and on a mission to help you develop, deepen, and master your business communication skills. And my promise to you is if you listen and subscribe, I'm gonna bring my best content and energy to help you to get better every single week, communicating and connecting in a business environment. Now, remembering names is one of the number one topics from my book, The First Five Minutes, through my corporate workshops. Everyone brings it up. Because it's one of those most glaring areas of growth in every business conversation. And it needs to be discussed and not remain nameless, hence this episode. Catch what it just did there right there. Being all clever saying names will not remain nameless. Well, hey, I could just start name dropping right here. I'll stop right now. Just making sure you're following along at home or wherever you are, I got you. But seriously, here's today's episode's big idea. Names are bigger, bigger, and a bigger deal than you think, and remembering them is not about memory, but about focus. And we're going to drill down on the following. First, the real reason we forget names. Second, why remembering names matters more than you think? Third, how to nail the name every time. Fourth, name remembering hacks that actually work. And lastly, two elite business connector pro tips with names. So let the name callin begin. I was just with this sales guy who immediately started every conversation with his hand out and saying, hi, I'm Kevin. It's a reaction. This is how Kevin always introduces himself and then instantly forgets uh minor detail of the other person's name. He wants to remember, he really does, but his mind's already on to the next thing. The meeting, the pitch, what he's going to say next. And somehow the other person's name just kind of evaporates. Self-mare? Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, I know their face, and I know what they do, but I have no idea what their name is. You're not really broken, you're just human. But here is the deal, though. Elite business connectors don't leave names to chance, they nail the name. Here's the real reason we forget names. Here's a hint it's not a memory issue. There are three specific reasons why we simply forget names. Understand that it's going to help you make some needed adjustments. Now, for the record, I've embraced each one of these for years, so I understand intimately about each one. The first one is we say we're bad with names. This is the number one excuse. People claim they're terrible with names but great with faces. Maybe that's your scapegoat, one miner. Well, I'm gonna call you out on this one. It's telling the other person, hey, now I can only remember your face since it's obvious I'm staring at it right now, but I'm not really gonna try to remember your names. Is that okay with you? Come on now. You'd actually never say that aloud, but it's what you're communicating to the other person. Saying you're bad with names officially wires your brain to not even try. And honestly, kind of sounds like you don't care. To whom? You know, the other person you're meeting with whose name actually matters to them. Let's kill the biggest excuse right now. I'm just bad with names. Actually, you're not. There's no such thing as a good or bad memory. There's only a trained or untrained one, especially with names. So from here on out, drop that excuse. Be elite. You're good with names. Prove yourself wrong. Are you with me on this one? Be a name caller, man. You have my permission. There's a second reason. We're not really to receive it. Think about the last time you had a name introduction in your business conversation. Where is your brain? When someone introduces themselves, if you're anything like me, you're unintentionally sizing them up. Look at their face, their height, their clothes, the vibe they're giving off. Their name flies right past you before you're ready to catch it. And that's on us. It's not a bad thing, it's just a thing, but a thing that we need to be aware of, and we'll address more in detail in a couple of minutes. Here's the point it's recognizing why we usually forget a name that has to do with our mental availability in that moment to capture that name. And third reason we're bad with names is we're focused on what we're gonna say next. You know that silent killer? While we're saying their name, your brain is busy crafting a response. We want to make a good first impression. And what can we say that would get their attention? Kevin Horsley, author of Unlimited Memory, nails it. He says this people don't actually hear the name because they're trying to be interesting instead of trying to be interested. Ouch. Yeah, but true. Forgetting isn't a memory problem, it's a focus problem. Did you catch that? Forgetting isn't a memory problem, it's a focus problem. And focusing on the name is more important than focusing on, well, what we're gonna say next. For the record, I used to be a repeat offender on all three weeks we forget names. I was lousy and lazy, did you catch that? For years until I retrain myself to excel in this glaringly obvious area of growth for me. So if I can change my old ways, you can too. You just have to want to improve in this specific area of your business communication. So here's why remembering names matters more than you think. In my research for the Elite Business Connector book, I asked professionals about remembering names. And the results were rather eye-opening. 76% said remembering names is a high priority. And nearly 75% admitted that they forget names quickly. No irony there, right? Only 36% consistently remember names. So if you struggle here, you're not alone. But remembering someone's name does something powerful. When you ask about a person's name, you silently communicate three things. First is that you care about who? Them. Look at you, not look at me. Second is you're paying attention to details, their name. And third is that you're actually listening. And here's the kicker. Their name does really matter to them. A lot. Do you want proof? Are you a fan of when someone forgets your name? Says it wrong? I don't. Just saying. And here's a research fact. Brain imaging studies show that hearing our own name activates areas tied to self-identity and reward. Translation. When you use someone's name, their brain throws a little tiny party. They feel noticed and affirmed. And this is important to catch what I'm about to say. When you're literally on a first name basis, meaning you're no longer a nameless acquaintance, connection begins. And this is big because this is another connection point early in the process. So nailing the name is an early win to creating a connection in the first five minutes. So here's a challenge question. Have you honestly thought through about what you're communicating to the other person all wrapped around their name? Seriously, this is a bigger deal than most give credence to, and I hope you feel challenged to improve in this area. How many times have you heard or even said the line? I'm great with faces, but not with names. Come on now, be honest. But think about that statement. How does that make the other person feel whose name is very important to them? No judgment here. I used to be the bat guy. Why? Because I made million. Remember. Make it strong. And you can get this resource absolutely for free. Just go to the show notes to download your copy today. Be the person who cares about the other person's name enough to learn the system on how to remember their name. Download your free resource so you can begin nailing the name every time. So, how do we move from I'm growing with faces to nailing the name? Here's how to nail the name every time. We're gonna get real practical and focus on three specific areas. First is we're gonna control the timing. Sequence matters. You build a little rapport first, start with your LTP, remember that's lead talking point, to make a quick connection, begin the conversation. Focus on them first, remember, look at you, not look at me, with your comment or your question. And at that point, then exchange names. In the book, The First Five Minutes, I teach in the first minute to try and never lead with the name. Remember, we're focused on soaking the other person in, not their name. Not right or wrong, it just is. So we start with reading the room, we begin a banter, then and only then move to the name. Now, this won't always happen, but if you initiate the LTP, the lead talking point, instead of exchanging names, the other person will follow your lead. Try it next time and see what happens. Second is be ready. Once names are coming, dial in, double down, decide in advance that this matters. That microdecision changes everything. And if you're controlling the timing, you can be ready because you're making the introduction first, then ready for the other person's name. My name is Brian. And then you're catching their name. Focus on catching the name first and foremost. Be actively ready to receive the name. And it's a game changer and will dramatically increase your odds of remembering their name. Third, use the three-peat method. I love this method. You make a point to say their name three times during the conversation. Let me give you an example. Beginning, hey, great meeting you, Jeff. This affirms you caught their name, and if you're wrong for some chance, they can correct you in that moment. Then in the middle of the conversation, that's a good point, Jeff. Tell me more about that. This affirms you still remember their name and keeping their name in the front of your mind. You're listening and you're asking a continual question. Tell me about that. And then the end. Glad we connected, Jeff. This affirms you've nailed that name and it still matters to you. Not overcall, overkill, just intentional. Some people are too concerned about using the name too many times in a conversation. And guess what? Most people ever rarely do it at all. So you'll be in unique company if you choose to do that. And personally, I'm a big fan of when someone uses my name in the conversation. It's so rare. And it stands out to me, which means it's going to stand out to you. And also tightens this early personal connection. Quick review: how to nail the name. Control the timing of the introduction, then be ready to receive the name. And once you do, use the three-peat method to lock it in. Beginning, middle, and dead. I've also learned a long way that there are consistent hacks to remembering someone's name. These are specific, proven ways to retrain your brain to capture the other person's name. And remember, if we're we claimed that we're being lousy with names and haven't made a conscious effort, well, I'm hoping that these three hacks will be very, very valuable to you. So here are six name-remembering hacks that actually work. And I use them all the time. Number one, ask about the name. Let's say it's a traditional name and give me the full and proper version or the shorter, more personal version. Do you go by James or Jim? Elizabeth or Beth? Andrew or Andy? David or Dave, Richard or Rick, you get my point. Sometimes on LinkedIn you'll see James or Richard or Andrew. It's a good time then when you meet him in person to ask their preference on that. Believe me, they have a preference, so make sure that you capture it. Let me give you another example. My wife's name is Susan. She does not go by Sue and actually bothers her when she's introduced her name as Susan, and then they ignore it and call her Sue. And Susie is a definite no-go. Only her parents and siblings can call her that, not even me. Remembering names matter, but so does the preferred version of it. You can lose instant credibility asking their preference, then not honoring it. Secondly, love this hack. Get the spelling. My name is forgettable. It's Brian. Unless I lock it in with something. So I do Brian with a why. I'll say an introduction. Of course, after I read the room, begin the banter, and I'll say, My name is Brian. Always start with my name is Brian with a Y. And do you know why? I'll pause for a second, let them answer, and they always say, I don't know, why? My response, I don't know either. It's cheesy, I know, but it always puts a smile on the other person's face and they remember it months later. Sometimes they'll call it, hey, Brian with a Y. If their name could have multiple spellings, ask about the spelling. Helps you lock in the name. Kathy C or Kathy K. Sean S-H-A-W-N or S-E-A-N. I just had this happen last week, and it was Sean S-E-A-N. I know a Gary, both two R's. G-A-R-R-Y. One of my sons is Cole with a K. My only daughter, two boys, daughter, two boys, is Caitlin misspelled K-I-K-A-I-T-L-Y-N. And there are so many ways to spell her name. So when somebody takes the time to make sure they spell her name correctly, they win instant points with my daughter. Unique spellings stick and they show you care and have attention to detail. And that's big attention to detail, especially in the sales world. Third hack is get the backstory. I love this one and use this all the time. Sometimes the backstory is something dealing with their name, and you just have to find out about it. Well, how do you do that? You just ask. You can say something like, I really like your name. Is there a backstory to it? Love to hear it. I once met a sales rep named Will. Turns out his full name was William. His brother's name was Andrew, and their mom was obsessed with British loyalty. Prince William, Prince Andrew. Love the story. Great example of asking about the backstory. Another one, Remy, short for Remington. I asked for the backstory there and he told me that his dad was a big hunter and named him after Remington guns, firearms. I met him while actually he was a manager at a national car rental. Shout out to National. Unforgettable moment right there, and we had a connection. How about the name Deira? D-I-E-R-A. Did backstory with her. Come to find out she's the youngest of six kids. Her mom ran out of names and let her auntie name the last one, which was her. I met her at a double tree front desk. How did I find out? Asked her about her name, which I could see, but then I said, hey, what's the backstory behind it? Really pretty name. So simple. And stories names sticky. I'm sorry, stories make names sticky. Fourth hack, unique names. I met a guy named Leoi, L-L-O-Y. I asked about his name and he said it was Cuban. Interesting backstory there. I followed up asking him, well, is there a backstory to the name itself being Cuban? And he said it was the name of his grandmother's boyfriend. I asked him if they got married, and he said, no. So I thought about him and responded back quickly. So she liked the name better than the guy, right? He smiled and he thanked me because nobody ever asked him about his name. It's kind of a cool and affirming moment. Here's a buy one, get one free. When you have the opportunity to get the spelling and the backstory, it'll help you nail the name, especially if it's a unique name or traditional name. Will or William, for example. Here's my favorite story. A few months back, I was in Miami doing an ATT training, and I was checking in with security at the front desk. Most of the times, this person is just a means to our individual end. Check in, walk away, do your deal. But she had a smile on her face, and I commented on it and asked her for her name. She said, Safari. Well, of course I had to ask the backstory on that unique name. She said she didn't know. Well, I asked her how long it would take until my contact person comes down and gets me. And she said, he's not real quick to come down. So my response, then we now have time to come up with a unique backstory for your name. We came up with it as an illustrious story, and she loved it. I went to Sirius to do my training, came back down, and guessed who was bursting at the seams and couldn't wait to talk to me. Safari. She told me, someone after me mentioned and heard her name and didn't know the backstory behind it. And she actually volunteered it. And she didn't hesitate to tell her her new and improved backstory of her name. So I asked, How'd it go? She said, three words. I sold it. I asked, Well, how'd that feel? She said, Great, and I loved every minute of it. Thank you for helping me figure that out. Then I paused and said to Safari, When I come back in a few months, I hope I don't see you sitting here. No offense. You just deserve to be up there, pointing to all the important floors and all the important people. I was hoping she would be selling. You know why? Because she has the skills and the personality to do it. She paused, smiled, and softly leaned forward and said, Thank you. We had a moment, and one that made a difference to her. Why? Not anything special. All because I did choose to slow down, notice her, take a moment and focus on her unique name, then figured out the spelling, safari as it sounds, but more importantly, the backstory and made it relevant to her. We made a huge connection in those first five minutes. Do you see the simplicity, but also the power in asking the backstory of someone's name? It matters, and it's a very quick connection point. If you've not tried it before, try it. It's a lot of fun. Fifth hack get the last name. Now, this isn't always given in the introduction. Often it's just their first name. Hey, I'm Brian. Many times, I'll actually ask for their last name too. And there's my in to hearing it and my opportunity to comment on it. Well, how? You can very easily ask about the ethnicity of their last name. People like this question because it's rarely asked and shows your interest in them and their family background and descent. Sometimes their last name helps you remember their first name if they have the same letter, for example: Brian Buckley, Jack Johnson, Treva Thompson. I once had a coworker whose name was Jeff Patrick. He would introduce himself in a very creative way as the man with two first names. He leversed his last name in a way to make himself easier to remember. Love it, and it worked helping people to remember his name. You could think through your last name and how can you present to somebody else that makes it memorable. You may also need to get the spelling of their last name or mention that you know someone with the same last name. I usually joke around and say, yeah, I don't really like them. But always puts a smile on the face, even though I'm joking. And then I continue, but I'm sure you're not related, so we're all good with your last name, right? It's the little things when we engage with someone's name first or last that helps it to be memorable. Sixth and last hack. Tough or foreign names. On this one, don't fake it. Try it. Ask if you're close. Try it again. Ask them to spell it. Ask if there's a shortened version or a nickname that they're comfortable with instead. That happens many times with foreign names. Someone with a difficult name has heard it butchered a billion times. So you're just you're putting any effort to earn some respect from them. Now, between us girls, I really struggle in this of all the hacks, both remembering it and especially pronouncing it. But I own it and I really work with them in the moment to help me with their name, which they always appreciate. And then they're patient and just appreciate my efforts to remember their name. Well, why? Well, few are willing to get into the weeds and wrestle with somebody's name, especially if it's difficult or challenging. And I want to nail it. And my new go-to line with them is this I'm gonna do my best to remember your unique name, but please give me some grace next time if I don't say it properly. I care and I will definitely give you it a try. Their response, of course. Thanks for even trying to remember. Those little things make a big difference when you make that effort. So let me land the plane in this middle area of the content with two elite business connector pro tips. The first one is, well, when you forget, because it happens, own it. Not if, when. Simply say this. Please remind me of your name. Not I forgot your name. First one is respectful. The other one sounds a little careless. And help them too. Don't assume they remember you either. I'll remember the face, not the name. I'll often come up to them with somebody I remember their name, and I can tell maybe they're still trying to figure out how to remember mine. Then I'm gonna start with this. Hey, Troy, it's Brian with a why. That one line saves everyone from awkwardness and shows you're considerate, and that their name is still important to you. So here's a second one. Track it. This means write it down like an elite connector. After meetings, jot the name down with a detail or two about that person, which you'll learn. Remember, ask, listen, and learn. In group settings, sometimes I'll sketch on the table and write names where people sit. Nerding? Nah, maybe. Effective? Absolutely. Sometimes I'll ask right in the moment if I can write their name down, which I'll do. I'll take out my phone and I'll open up an Apple note, for example, and I'll write it down right there. Helps me remember it for later, but also I'm focusing all the more on the name since I'm spelling it out and I'm writing it down. People really like when you have something special to say, or they have something special to say, or their name, and you say, hey, do you mind if I write that down? It shows that you're listening and that you really care in that moment. Leverage it with names as well. So closing thoughts. Hopefully I've answered why this matters. It's just a name. Well, names matter more than you think. And hopefully you've come to my side of the importance of names, especially if you have a desire to improve your business conversation and connection skills. And that's my hope since you are listening or watching this podcast episode. I love this quote from Dale Carnegie in his classic book, everybody should read, How to Win Friends and Influence People. He writes this A person's name is that to a person, the sweetest sound in any language. Brain imaging studies show that hearing our name lights up areas linked to self-perception and reward. Translation? When you use somebody's name, their brain throws a little tiny party inside. And the kicker is it's absolutely free, but it has a massive ROI. You'll stand out instantly. Not only because of your pitch, but because you cared enough in the first five minutes to remember their name. Elite business connectors no longer wing names. You know what they do? They nail the name every single time. Why? Because you, hey, you, hey man, isn't good enough anymore. Be an official name caller. Now, I've gone from only remembering faces and using that as my permission to not even try anymore, to being very, very good at names and nailing the name every time. And the best part is how it makes the other person feel, which is a great motive. And creating a connection moment early in the interaction that truly sets me apart. And this can be you. Well, this should be you. Put in the reps to improve and excel in this area. Tons of information. You'll probably have to go back and listen to this again. That notice in a charge, of course. But let me leave you with three action steps. First, is stop saying you're bad with names. Second, remember to focus on the other person's name, knowing it's coming and you care enough to remember. Remember, it's a focus issue, not a memory issue. And third, work with the name, the spelling of it, the backstory, their last name, the uniqueness of their name, and get involved with your name. Try it, you'll be amazed at how much that person lights up and how much of a connection you can make early on. So here's your challenge. I want you to change your mindset that officially from now on, you're going to be good with names since it's about focus and not memory. Go into every upcoming business interaction moving forward with a desire to nail the name from now on and be the ultimate name caller. Change channels real quick. Here's a quick sneak peek of episode 16. I have a big emphasis, as you probably have figured out, on the first five minutes of a business conversation. But I've learned. Do you realize that the most successfully business connectors do the same thing before the first minute of a conversation even begins? They maximize a specific intel strategy that sets them up to succeed the moment the first five minutes begins. Well, what is it? And how can you implement it? We'll break this secret sauce down in the next episode. But episode 15, this one right now, is officially in the books, in and out. And once again, nobody got hurt, mostly myself. Remember to subscribe to and share the podcast if you're that extra mile guy or girl and consider rating the show so that others can help find it as well if you find it of value. Don't forget that all of this episode's show links are available in the show notes. There's a lot here in this specific episode, and I hope you go back and listen to it. But also look in the show notes where you can find the three real reasons why we forget names, the three reasons why we can be able to nail the names better. We gave you six name remembering hacks, and the two elite business connector pro tips are also listed in the show notes. I also encourage you, I reference this resource, the system elite connectors use to remember names. You can find it as well in the show notes. As we close, as always, I'd love to hear from you. And for those of you who have sent me an email, I really appreciate it. Brian at BrianBuckleySpeaks.com, B-R-Y-A-N. Or if you haven't yet, send me one with any questions, comments, something that stood out to you from this episode. And as we close, as my Chicago bears chant, good, better, best, never let it rest till your good gets better. And what? Your better gets best. And my father used to say, thanks for coming, but most of all, thanks for living. I'm out. You got this now. Now is your time to do something with this episode. And always remember to leverage your first five minutes to build connection, trust, and influence. You got this now.