Three Words You Should Use As Quickly As Possible (Level One) - 022

Most business professionals rarely stop to think about the words they use — and the ones they're missing. In this episode, Bryan breaks down Level 1 of a two-level word framework built for the 1st 5 Minutes of any business conversation:

Speak Up Words. These are the words that lift, warm, and open a person before anything deeper is said. Six total words across two levels — this episode covers the first three.

What's covered in this episode:

Complimentary — A genuine, specific compliment does something no credential or title can: it makes the other person feel seen. Bryan unpacks why we hold back, what the research says about compliments and brain chemistry, and how to move from mental practice to actually saying it out loud.

Appreciative — In a world where everyone is distracted and time is scarce, expressing real appreciation is a rare differentiator. Bryan shares why generic gratitude is forgettable — and what it sounds like when appreciation lands with specificity and weight.

Encouraging — To encourage literally means to put courage into someone. This is the forward-facing Speak Up Word — the one that says I believe in what's ahead for you, not just what you've already done. Bryan walks through when it hits hardest and how to make it stick.

Episode Chapters

0:00 — Why Certain Words Stay With Us 

2:00 — The Big Idea and Framework 

5:55 — Level One: Speak Up Words 

6:01 — Compliments That Open People Up 

13:08 — Free Guide and Fast Tools 

14:44 — Appreciation That Actually Lands 

20:39 — Encouragement That Builds Courage 

27:17 — Action Steps and Final Challenge

Free Resource: Grab the 3 Critical Steps to Effectively Close the 1st 5 Minutes — one page, exact language, ready before your next conversation. Link in the show notes.

Connect with Bryan: Bryan@BryanBuckleySpeaks.com | BryanBuckleySpeaks.com

Next episode — Episode 023: Level 2 Speak Into Words. Affirming. Challenging. Thoughtful. The words that go deeper.

Resources to Use:

The System Elite Connectors Use to Remember Names

If you’re serious about improving your business communication skills, I created a step-by-step system you can download right now — absolutely free.

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30 Connection Questions for Stronger Business Conversations

This is a proven question set to improve every conversation in the 1st 5 minutes.

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• 1st 5 Minutes Book

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Transcript

Why Certain Words Stay With Us

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Let me ask you something. Think back to the last time someone said something to you, maybe a sentence or two, and it stayed with you days later, maybe even months or years later, and you can still hear those words, you can still feel them. Now let's flip it. Think about the last time you said something to someone else and you could see it landed. You could watch their posture change, their eyes shifted, something unlocked in them right in front of you. Now that didn't happen by accident. That happened because of a specific kind of word, a specific kind of intention behind that word. And most people have never thought about this for even five minutes. Here's the honest truth. All too often we underestimate the power of our words. What pops into our minds immediately pops out of our mouths. We're reactive, we're unintentional. But words can build up or they can tear down at any given moment. And most business professionals rarely stop to think about how they're using their words. Now, I was that person for way too long. Quick on my feet, but not always intentional with my words. Today, we're going to fix that for both you and me. Today we're breaking down the first level of words that every elite business connector needs to understand and deploy in every business conversation. There are three words, one level, and one clear focus. How to lift, warm, and open the person across from you, especially in those crucial first five minutes. Now, the next episode we'll go to level two. Three more words that go deeper, challenge and shape how someone sees themselves in what they believe is possible. So there'll be six words total, two different levels, but only one shift that will change how you communicate in every business conversation. You win? Let's get after it. Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast, where we believe how you interact with people will make or break your opportunity to develop a real and influential connection. Now, whether you're a rookie or a rock star with people, you're at the right place right now. Let's do this. Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast. I'm your host, Brian Buckley, husband of one, father of five, and on a mission to help you develop, deepen, and master your business communication skills. And my promise to you every episode is if you listen and subscribe, I'll bring my best content and energy every single week to help you get better at communicating and connecting in a business environment. Here's today's big idea. The right word at the right moment doesn't just improve a conversation, it has the potential of changing the other person. And when you know which words to use and when, your communication will never be the same. In Elite Business Connector, everything lives inside of three specific focus areas. First is communication, which is all about me and what I say, or in your case, all about you and what you say. Conversation then becomes about you and me together. And yet, connection, though, is all about us and the relationship that we're building and our ultimate goal. Now, what I say in communication directly affects the quality of the conversation. And the quality of the conversation either opens up or closes the door to real connection. Now, for too many years in my career, I never really thought about not only the words I use, but how they actually land on the other person. I prided myself on thinking quickly on my feet, and that's a good skill. But quick isn't always intentional. And unintentional words, well, they leave gaps, create missed opportunities and moments, and ultimately missed connections. At this point in my career, I don't want that anymore. And I'm guessing you don't either if you're listening or watching this podcast. So recently I went to work, and what I found is there are two distinct levels of words that elite business connectors use deliberately, consistently, and with real effect on the people they talk to. And this episode is level one. Three words all focusing on one goal to speak up, to lift, warm, and open the other person across from you before anything deeper is said. We call them speak upwards, and they are the foundation. Everything else in level two, which is next week, is built on. So let's get into this first level. Level one, speak upwards. So what are speak up words? The phrase speak up is intentional. I need to speak up in a conversation using words that matter and aren't usually used. Up is in uplifting. These are not your everyday run-of-the-mill words that show up in every normal business conversation. They're not pleasantries. They're not filler words. Speak up words are the words that lift, the words that warm a room before anything deeper is said. They're the words that signal, man, I see you. I value you. I'm glad you're in this conversation with me right now. But before you can speak into someone, before you can challenge or affirm or go deep, you have to speak up first. Skip this level, and everything that follows just seems to land a little harder, a little colder, and shorter than it really means to do. These are the words that turn the head of the other person, earn their attention, and often put a smile on their face. And who doesn't love that in a conversation? They're the fast-tracked early connection, which is our goal in the first five minutes of every business conversation. Now, there are three speak up words, so let's walk through each one of these words. The first speaker word is complimentary. Let me ask you a simple question, and maybe an obvious question. Who doesn't like a compliment, especially a sincere one? Think about happens. And what happens when someone gives you a genuine compliment? Something shifts. It feels good. It feels like someone actually noticed something about you. And in a world of distraction and self-absorption, this is a rare and powerful gift. So here's the obvious follow-up question. If compliments feel so good to receive, why don't we give more of them to somebody else? Here's just a few reasons that come up every time I ask this question to somebody, whether it's a workshop or a trainer or a conversation. First reason is well, it's the fear of awkwardness. We worry maybe it'll come out weird or forced or misunderstood. What if it sounds fake? What if they think I want something? Second reason is overthinking the delivery. This is me sometimes. Instead of just saying it, we analyze the tone, timing, wording, and we miss the moment entirely. I'll just say it later. We think it, we delay it, and then that moment it's gone. Third reason is well, it's a fear of rejection or non-reciprocity. What if they don't say anything back? Awkward. So we just avoid the risk altogether. Four, honestly, we just don't think about it. It never even crosses our mind, and this is the case most of the time. Now, I understand all of these and every one of them, but here's what I want you to hear clearly. A compliment isn't flattery. Flattery is, well, it's vague, it's self-serving. You're saying something nice, possibly to get something back. A compliment is specific, genuine, and it's others' focus. It says, I notice something personal to you and want to say a positive word about it. Now, in a business conversation, especially in your first five minutes, a well-placed compliment does something that no credential title or polished opener can do. It makes the other person feel seen because you're saying something about them. And feeling seen is one of the deepest human needs there is. Here's a quick story. I remember someone who modeled this better than almost anyone I've ever met in business, and this was years ago. Angie was generous with compliments. But what set her apart was the sincerity behind every single one. It wasn't a technique of hers, it was just kind of a way of being for her. And it wasn't just once, it was woven throughout the conversation. She led with a compliment every single time. She was so observant. And it was remarkable how quickly she had your attention and your trust. I would watch her do it with somebody else and watch them light up and smile. It meant a lot. Now, Angie, she was at an elite level with compliments. She has entry-level ones, but she never stopped there. She looked for ways to give a deeper, more meaningful compliment. And oh, how I loved being on the receiving end of those compliments. So I started paying more attention to how it felt. And then I made a decision. I wanted someone else to feel that same thing. So I started practicing it in my own business conversation. And it worked. But here's what the science says about why it works so well. A 2021 study published on PLOS One found that receiving a compliment activates the same reward circuitry. Ready for this? And the brain is receiving cash. Let that land for a second. Not just making someone feel good in the moment, you're chemically preparing them for possibly better performance, more engagement, all because you're intentional with a compliment. So what does it sound like in practice? It could be as simple as you look great right now. I love that jacket. Where'd you get it? I'm a big fan of that bag. It's so unique. What's the brand? That presentation that you just gave was excellent. I could tell you came in prepared. How to feel you? Or another. You did such an amazing job handling that awkward and complicated situation. That was impressive. Now, I know for many of you, even as simple as this sounds, it's not very natural. And the hesitation, well, it's real. So here's the approach I've seen work consistently. Practice it mentally first. Sounds crazy enough, but in your mind, the next time you're in a business conversation, look around and ask yourself, what would I compliment right now if I were going to say it? Run through the words in your head. Seriously, half the battle is just noticing what to compliment. Then once you get comfortable noticing, then follow through and actually say it out loud. I know, crazy, right? When I've had business professionals try this two-step approach, they almost always say the same things. First is they say, well, that mental practice actually really helped. It was easier than I thought to actually say it after I thought it and noticed it first. And the other person's reaction was absolutely worth the awkwardness of trying it, of me actually saying a compliment for the first time. Boom, there it is. Here's a practical application. In your first five minutes, the lowest hanging fruit is what someone is wearing or carrying. Maybe their shirt, shoes, watch, ring, bag, hair, anything visible. And this requires OQ, observational intelligence. And the compliment needs to be both sincere and specific. Then once you get the hang of a simple compliment, move on and stretch yourself and look for a more meaningful, deeper compliment. Angie was the master of that. And it's possible. Once you do it, you're going to want to do more because of how it lands for the other person. Here's a pro tip: Acknowledge, then ask. Acknowledge what you noticed. Then immediately ask a question about it. Where did you get that? What brand is it? How long have you had it? How did that make you feel? What was your impression of the meeting? This one move turns a compliment into a conversation, and that's exactly where you want to be. It also takes away from that awkward moment where you're just giving the comp and the person says, thank you. They don't know how they really receive that, but they hear it. And if you can do acknowledge and ask, they can say thank you and they move on to something else of a question in answering your question. And complimentary words are one of the most powerful ways to catch someone's attention and actually connect faster. And remember, speak up words up is uplifting. We're wanting to bring genuine positivity to the person across from us. That's the first speak up word. Complimentary. One word down, two words to go after this short break. Hey, quick commercial, and I promise this is worth your next 30 seconds. Most people walk into a room, shake a few hands, walk out, often forgotten. Maybe not because they're boring, not because they don't have something to offer or say, but because they didn't have the right tools when it mattered most. And the first five minutes of any conversation either opens up a door or potentially closes one. And most people don't even know which one just I created resource called Four Secrets Every Business Connector used to stand out instantly, and that changes. This free guide gives you four weapons for your communication. First is go-to one line. They break attention and earn a laugh and smile. Then there's signature stories that make you memorable long after the conversation ends. Then an elevator pit so clean clear its dicks. What's great about this resource is there are so many examples that I give that you can either use on your own or help you trigger your own. These are the theories. These are tools that Elite Connectors use every single day in meetings, events, on planes, and everywhere in between. The resource is free, it's fast to read, and you can put it to work in the very next conversation that you have. The link to download your free copy is in the show notes. You can grab it right now. I'll be right here when you get back. First speakup word, complimentary. Second speak up word, appreciative. Now we like to be complicated, but we especially like the feeling of being appreciated. Now, there's a difference between a nonchalant thanks that floats past someone in genuine expressed appreciation that actually lands. We're not going for the former. That's easy to do. Anyone says, hey, thanks. What we want is the kind of appreciation that's felt, the kind that makes the other person realize that you don't take them for granted. In a business context, that kind of appreciation, well, it's just shockingly rare. Everyone's busy, everyone's distracted, everyone is showing up to meetings with a list of what they need from the other person across from the table in that conversation. But when you stop, genuinely stop, and acknowledge what it costs the other person to be here, you instantly separate yourself from every other person they met with this week, possibly your competitor. An appreciated person recognizes there's a cost to the other person's presence. It's their time, their calendar, their attention, their energy. And just simply expressing that clearly and specifically is a speak-up word that lifts people in a way most business professionals never, ever do. But not you. When someone genuinely thanks me for my time, not just a reflexive, hey, thanks for coming, but something that tells me they actually get what it took, I'm surprised. And that surprise says everything about how rare it actually is. For example, I fly a ton. So for me having to go to an airport, fly somewhere, get a rental car, go to the meeting, go to another meeting, go to another meeting, it takes a lot. And every once in a while, somebody surprised me and they let me know they really appreciate the effort that I took to be able to get there. I just say thank you, but that really, really means a lot. I've learned to say one specific word, received. Whether receiving the compliment, receiving, in this case, the appreciation, and then I tell them thank you. It really means a lot. Now, this is a story from Adam Grant. He's an organizational psychologist at Wharton, and he ran a study with university fundraisers. One group received a special thank you from the director of giving before anyone made their calls. He expressed a genuine appreciation for the work they're about to do. Now notice this that group made 50% more calls than the other group, the control group. Not because they were instructed to, but because someone took 30 seconds to make them feel what they were about to do really, really mattered and they appreciated them. Appreciation doesn't just change how people feel, it often changes how they work. It changes how invested they are. And here's some science behind it. Dr. Robert Emmons at UC Davis, one of the leading researchers on gratitude in the world, found that people who regularly express appreciation in their professional relationships report 23% higher energy levels and significantly higher rates of trust from colleagues. Listen to that again, 23% higher energy, a quarter higher, higher trust from the people around them. Appreciation is not a soft skill, it's a strategic one. And it costs you nothing but 30 seconds of intentionality. So, what does it sound like in practice? Sounds like this. I don't take this time for granted, but what you shared means a lot. Thank you for being that open. I want you to know that landed, and I really appreciate you saying that. I want you to know I appreciate how you handled yourself or how you do business. This is best use when someone gives you access, well, to their story, their time, their schedule, maybe just their honesty and their openness. And in your first five minutes, before you ever get into business, acknowledge what it took for this person to be in the room with you. Practical application, though. Make it specific. I know you had a packed week. I genuinely appreciate you making it a priority. It's a completely different experience for the other person than a generic, hey, thanks for meeting with me today. Or offer appreciation in real time when they do something worthy in acknowledging, well, shared strong input, being vulnerable, presenting something that they clearly worked on. Name it, say it, watch what happens to the other person when you share that appreciation. And here's a pro tip: name exactly what you're appreciating and why it matters to you specifically. Generic gratitude is often forgotten. And many times in your pre-read the room, remember that's the take the five before the five, to find the five, take five minutes before the first five minutes to find five connection points. You can predetermine your words of appreciation. It's there. You just need to pause, think, and find it, then express it in those first five minutes. Now, I want to be known as someone who looks for every opportunity in a business setting to speak up words that actually matter. And I want to challenge you right now with this. Be known as a grateful person. Maybe it's just not who you are, but that doesn't mean it can't change. And I challenge you, maybe you are grateful. You've just not used it in the context of the first five minutes. Or maybe you've been saying it, but it's been more a little bit more on the generic side. Hey, thanks. Get more specific. And a person who has a true sense of appreciation for the people around them, that reputation is rare in business. And once you build it, it becomes one of your most powerful competitive advantages. First speakup word, complimentary. Second speakup word, appreciative. And the third and last speakup word is encouraging. Now, this word has become genuinely rare, not just in business, but in general, in life. And that's exactly why it carries so much power, so much punch when it shows up. Now, to encourage someone literally means to put courage into them, hence the word. And the word itself comes in the old French encourage, to give heart to. I didn't know that until I researched this. And that's exactly what this word does in a business conversation. It gives someone heart. It gives them fuel. It gives them a reason to keep going. And here's what makes encouragement distinct from the other two speak up words. A compliment looks at what someone has done, past sense. Appreciation looks at what they gave, currently. Encouragement looks at where they're going. And it says, I believe in what's ahead for you. Encouragement, it's forward-facing, and in a first business conversation, is the word that makes someone walk away thinking, wow, that person gets it. They see what I'm trying to do and what I hope to accomplish. Most people only encourage someone after they've already succeeded if they do it. Well, that's actually a compliment, not encouragement. Elite connectors encourage them while they're still in the middle of it. That's the move. That's what separates this word from a surface-level compliment. There's a story I once heard that early in Oprah Winfrey's career about a producer named John Barthel, who told Oprah, almost in passing, in a brief conversation, that she had a rare ability to make people feel safe enough to tell the truth on camera. Oprah has referenced that moment of encouragement multiple times as the word that helped her understand what she was actually trying to build. And it wasn't a TV show. She was trying to create a space for truth. And that one sentence from one person pointing forward shifted the entire lens through which Oprah saw her own work. And wow, is Oprah an encourager? And that's what encouragement does: it reframes, it elevates somebody, it points the other person towards something may not have been able to see on their own. And here's some science behind it. Stanford psychologist Carol Deweck's research on growth mindset, one of my favorite researchers, published in her landmark work and replicated over 25, across 25 countries. She found that encouragement tied to effort and potential rather than just past performance produces significantly higher resilience, persistence, and output. Point. It activates the prefrontal cortex, the regions associated with planning and future-oriented action. In other words, you're not just making somebody feel good, you're psychologically activating their capacity to move forward. And that's a powerful thing to do with a single sentence with intentionality and encouragement. So what does it sound like in practice? Maybe it's a phrase like, you're closer than you think. Keep going. This matters. What you're working toward here is something this market, your business, genuinely needs. You have to keep going. You're closer than you think. Now, as I thought about this, encouraging words are best used when someone in a conversation, maybe they share a struggle, a setback, or a season they're still in the middle of. The moment someone admits things are hard is the moment encouragement has the most power, not after they've won, but while they're still fighting. And here's the practical sequence that makes this word land well. You ask a question, maybe a follow-up question, you lock in and listen, and you learn a little bit more about the challenge or struggle they're carrying, and then you respond with encouragement. Let me give you an example. So recently in a conversation with the VP of sales, she was in the process of getting let go. She was pretty guarded at the beginning of it, started talking a little bit more, asking questions. She realized I was safe, tried to show her appreciation for her taking time out of her busy schedule, gave her a compliment. Next thing you know, trying to look for an opportunity for encouragement. But when she shares that she's on the process of moving out, there was a moment. Started to ask him some questions of her and she started being a little bit more vulnerable, started seeing her struggle. And here's the key everything she wanted to implement mattered. The problem is ownership didn't see it that way. A little bit of a bait and switch. So to let her know her master evil plan of what she was wanting to implement was good. It really was good. That encouragement changed the conversation. She leaned in, almost got emotional, guarded, but just let me know. Thank you. I really needed to hear that. I've not had somebody tell me something like that in a very long time. This was in the first five minutes. Find the thing this person is moving towards, their vision, their next project, what they're currently in the middle of building, and speak directly into it. Or try this. Say something like, that sounds like a really tough season. That's aka empathy. And I want you to know I genuinely believe you're going to come out of this on the other side. I'd love to hear how it turns out. Those words will land with the other person. You're not giving advice, you're just letting them know hey, I see you in the middle of this and you can get through this. Courage and courage. Forward-facing, specific, genuine. That combination is the triple threat of encouragement. Here's a pro tip: pair encouragement with something specific. The way you handle that challenge shows real resistance and resilience lands completely differently than hang in there, man. Good luck with that. Encouragement that names the exact thing someone did, survived, or chooses, that tells them you're actually paying attention. And we always want to be heard, especially if we start to open up a little bit about a struggle or a challenge. And that's the difference between a word that warms them for just a moment, which is important, and a word that stays with them days, weeks, even months later. That's the third speakup word, encouraging. So let's pull level one together. And before we get into the action items, let me give you the full picture of what level one is and what it does. Remember, a compliment looks at what someone has done, past tense. Appreciation looks at what they gave. Current. Encouragement looks at where they are going, future. Together, these three speak up words build something critical in the first five minutes of every business conversation. The experience of the other person being seen, valued, and believed in. And when a person feels those three things, even early and even briefly, they open up, they engage, they lean in, and the entire conversation that follows reaches a level it never would have otherwise. This is level one. It's not an easy level, because a lot of us aren't doing these. But most business professionals skip it entirely. They go straight to the business, straight to their pitch, straight to the problem. And maybe they wonder why conversations feel transactional. They wonder why they're not really connecting with the other person. Sometimes they don't even think about that. But if I'm in that conversation, I notice it, I feel it. Speak up words are the answer to that. They're the opening act that makes everything in level two possible. Speaking of level two, let me give you a preview of where we're headed next in that episode. Coming up in episode 23, you're gonna get the opportunity to learn about my mentor named Dean. And what watching him and experiencing him in a conversation taught me about a level of communication most people never reach, and most people never get the gift of experiencing. And you get to benefit from his wisdom. These are speak into words that go deeper than anything we've covered today. They're affirming words, they're challenging words, they're thoughtful words. And that method will help change everything. So here are your three clear action items from this episode. First, observe. Just simply observe in your next business conversation. Observe if anyone uses level one speak up words that are complimentary, appreciative, or encouraging. You might be, well, maybe not, surprised by their absence. And also two, wow, if you did it. Second is audit your level one. For your next business conversation, just identify which speakup word is the weakest for you. Is it complimentary words? Maybe is it an appreciative word or an encouraging word? And then make that the one you intentionally deploy in your next conversation. And third, practice one word this week, not all three. Pick the one that stretches you the most and builds a single intentional moment around your next conversation. Closing thoughts. This is what I want you to carry out of this episode. And let me be real with you on two fronts before we close. First, is not every conversation will give you the space to use all three of these words. Some conversations are whether too short or just too shallow, maybe. And some people aren't ready to go there, and that's okay. This approach doesn't require perfection, it requires intention. Even speak up words. Use genuinely in the first conversation can shift the entire trajectory of the rest of that conversation and a relationship. Second, is these words only work when they're real. The moment a compliment becomes a technique instead of truth, the other person feels it. And we as humans have an extraordinary sensitive radar for inauthenticity. Don't perform these words, mean them, find the real thing and say it. That's when this method stops being a set of moves and starts becoming a way of being. Here are two questions to carry with you. What word does this person need right now and that I can genuinely give? Wow, what a gift that could be that you're paying that close attention, that you're looking for that word. Is it an appreciative word? Is it a complimentary word? Is it an encouraging word? And second is what does this moment in this conversation call that I can speak up with authenticity? And both these questions require your attention. They also require discernment, and both will make you a significantly more powerful communicator than you were before you listened to this episode. That is where we are, and that's where we're going in the next episode. I just wanted to prepare you today for the power of these first three words so you're ready for the next three words in the conversation. Now you have everything you need to do the same, starting today. Episode 22, officially in the books, in and out, nobody got hurt. And don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode. Subscribe, but also download. I find that when I find a podcast that I like, that's great to have subscribed, but that's for everything in the future. And there's so many good episodes in the past. So download those as well. And if you're watching on YouTube, subscribe, leave a comment, love to hear from you. And all this episode's main points and links are in the show notes. Don't forget to grab that free resource that I referenced earlier. It talks about these secrets that can help your communication go to another level. I'd love to hear from you. Which of these three speak up words come most naturally? And which one stresses, stretches you the most? Maybe it stretches you as well. Send me a message on LinkedIn, Instagram, DM me, send me an email, Brian at BrianbuckleySpeaks.com, Brian with the Y. I read everyone, and I really enjoy them. Well, episode 23 is locked and loaded for you, and I'm excited for you to hear that. But today was about three words. Level one makes someone feel seen. Level two makes them feel understood, stretched, and changed. That's where we're headed. And trust me, you don't want to miss it. But this episode is officially in the books. And as my Chicago bears chant, good, better, best, never let it rest till your good gets better and your better gets best. As my father used to say, thanks for coming. But most of all, thanks for leaving. I'm out. You got this now. Now is your time to do something with this episode. And always remember to leverage your first five minutes to build connection, trust, and influence. You got this now.