5 Habits That Prove the 1st 5 Minutes Works — Every Conversation Counts | Book Breakdown - 031

In this episode, Bryan Buckley breaks down Riaz Meghji's bestselling book Every Conversation Counts, revealing how its five core habits map directly onto the 1st 5 Minutes framework. Backed by seventeen years of television experience and thousands of real-world interviews, Meghji's insights confirm what Bryan has been teaching: the first five minutes of any business conversation are where trust, rapport, and opportunity are won or lost.

• Why every conversation is a business opportunity and how the first five minutes set the tone
• The "Look at You > Look at Me" operating principle and how it drives the 1st 5 Minutes framework
• Habit 1: Listen Without Distraction — the difference between listening and loading, plus five strategies to sharpen focus
• Habit 2: Make Small Talk Bigger — how genuine curiosity and better questions move conversations from surface to substance
• Habit 3: Drop the Perfect Persona — why authentic vulnerability builds more trust than a polished performance
• Habit 4: Assertive Empathy — how to stay present in tense moments and honor emotions without losing momentum
• Habit 5: Make People Feel Famous — practical ways to give every person your complete, undivided attention
• One concrete action to change before your next conversation

Timestamps:

0:00 – Why Conversations Create Opportunities

3:48 – Look At You Beats Look At Me

5:22 – Habit One – Listen Without Distraction

7:59 – Habit Two – Make Small Talk Bigger

12:36 – Free Review Guide and Application

13:59 – Habit Three – Drop the Perfect Persona

17:12 – Habit Four – Assertive Empathy in Tension

20:05 – Habit Five – Make People Feel Famous

24:04 – One Change for Your Next Conversation

27:11 – Subscribe, Review, and Bring Me to Speak

Featured book

Every Conversation Counts by Riaz Meghji - Drawing on seventeen years of television hosting and thousands of interviews across business, sports, and politics, Meghji distills the art of human connection into five habits anyone can practice. His central thesis — that genuine curiosity and presence transform ordinary exchanges into extraordinary relationships — is a direct challenge to the transactional way most professionals approach conversation. Essential reading for anyone who wants to connect faster, listen better, and leave every person feeling truly seen.

Download Cheat Sheet: here.

Resources to Use:

The System Elite Connectors Use to Remember Names

If you’re serious about improving your business communication skills, I created a step-by-step system you can download right now — absolutely free.

👉 Grab it here: 

30 Connection Questions for Stronger Business Conversations

This is a proven question set to improve every conversation in the 1st 5 minutes.

👉 Grab it here: 

Buy the 1st 5 Minutes Book:

• 1st 5 Minutes Book

Follow Me on Social Media:

• LinkedIn
• Instagram
• YouTube

Transcript

Why Conversations Create Opportunities

0:00

What if somebody, a best-selling author, keynote speaker, a guy with 17 years of television experience, interviewing the most powerful people in the world? What if that person wrote a book? And every single chapter was essentially confirming everything you potentially already do in the first five minutes of a business conversation or learning how to do. Not kind of confirming, not partially. I'm talking about chapter by chapter, landing on your tools, your phases, your philosophy. That's what happened when I read Every Conversation Counts by Riaz McGee. And today I'm going to walk you through five of the most powerful ideas. I'm going to break them down, I'm going to unpack them, and I'll show you exactly where they map to the first five minutes framework. Let's get into it. Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast, where we believe how you interact with people will make or break your opportunity to develop a real and influential connection. Now, whether you're a rookie or a rock star with people, you're at the right place right now. Let's do this. Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast. I'm your host, Brian Buckley, husband of one, father of five, and on a mission to help you develop, deepen, and master your business communication skills. And my promise to you is if you listen and subscribe, I'm going to bring my best content and energy every single week to help you get better at communicating and connecting in a business environment. If you're in sales or in leadership, customer service, hospitality, or really any business where relationships matter, and let's be honest, what business isn't? You're in the right place right now. And if you're a new listener to the Elite Business Connector podcast, welcome. The odd-numbered episodes are content that I've developed, and the even-numbered episodes are interviews with subject matter experts. And on my content episodes, I not only want to share my original content from me and helping you develop deep into master your business and communication and connection skills, but also want to leverage current books from amazing authors whose content is a direct overlay with the first five minutes in elite business connector books. Their work affirms and strengthens my work and should give you confidence that my work is based on continual research to help you develop. I call these book breakdowns. And today we're going to go deep on a book that I believe every business connector needs in their library. And it's called Every Conversation Counts: The Five Habits of Human Connection that Builds Extraordinary Relationships. And it's by Riaz McGee. Riaz is a human connection keynote speaker and a veteran broadcaster, 17 years of experience, like I mentioned earlier, at City TV's Breakfast Television, MTV Canada, TDX Vancouver, CTV News, and the Toronto International Film Festival. And oh yes, oh Canada. This guy's interviewed thousands of people across businesses, sports, politics, entertainment, philanthropy. And out of all those thousands of conversations, he decided to distill them into five habits. And he says that every great connector practices these five habits. And when I tell you those five habits map almost point for point to the first five minutes framework, I'm not exaggerating for content. I'm describing what it feels like to read a book and feel seen as a practitioner. He gives the why. I help with the how. So here's what we're going to cover today: five of Riaz's biggest ideas. And after each one, I'll show you exactly what where they live inside of the first five minutes. What phase, what tool, what moment. Then at the end, we're going to put the whole picture together. You ready? Let's go.

Look At You Beats Look At Me

3:48

Before I get into the habits, I'm going to give you the governing philosophy of Riaz's entire book. The phrase he builds around everything. Look at you must be greater than look at me. He tells the story in his book when he was just 22 years old, and the big boss called him into the office and said, Riaz, we're thinking he's going to let him go. Instead, the big boss actually told him if he wanted to get ahead in the media business. The key was to understand the differences between talking to people and talking at them. He told them to stay in the moment of those conversations and said, make it about them and always remember, look at you needs to be greater than look at me. Sound vaguely familiar? Well, he should. Because Connect Don't Sell and Look At You Not Look At Me. Well, that's the operating system for the first five minutes. And something a line that I've been using for years as well. But I also want to give credit and acknowledge the overlay of phrasing with Riaz's work here. And here's what he layers on top of it. He says that when someone meets you for the very first time, they're unconsciously running three questions in the background. First question, do you care about me? Second question, are you listening to me? And the third question, can I trust you? Every tool in the first five minutes is in service of answering those three questions in the affirmative in five minutes or less. So let's break down every conversation counts, the five habits, and how to overlap them with the first five minutes.

Habit One Listen Without Distraction

5:22

Habit one is this listen without distraction. Riaz opens habit one with a line that stopped me cold. You're not really listening if you're busy predicting what someone is going to say next. Let me say that again. Not really listening if you're busy predicting what someone is going to say next. Huh. What's that mean? Well, for me, I took it as an ouch, right? Because how how quickly that becomes our world. And talking about getting personal right out of the gate. But it's so true of most of us if we're gut level honest. Well, that's the majority of most salespeople, majority of people that are in customer service professions, they're not listening. They're actually loading. They're mentally preparing, loading for their next question, their next pitch, their next transition, before the person in front of them ever has a chance to even finish their thought. Guilty. How about you? The key is understanding what distracts us from actually listening. Working on what you're going to say next. We're listening with only half of our brains. Emotional distraction, something that was said that maybe triggers us. Our hunger for information. Our brains work faster than the person talking. Maybe it's a digital distraction. This one requires no additional description. And Riaz then gives five strategies to help us listen. First was let go of your assumptions. Don't guess. Let them really tell you. Second is listen for repetition. These are the cues he says of what's important to them that we need to take note of. Third is embrace their emotional intensity, which is tough. It's telling you what's really going on inside of them. It's listening with your eyes, and I loved this one. Notice what their body is telling you about what they're saying and the cues that they're giving. Maintain a beginner's mindset, which means being curious, and we'll pack that a little bit more later. So, where does this live in the first five minutes? Now, two places. First is the phrase we use, locked in listening. That's the discipline of giving someone your complete, undivided physical and mental attention, not split attention. Not half in, half out, locked in. Second, it lives within OQ, observational intelligence. As Riaz mentioned, we're listening with our eyes for cues and if and how their emotions play into their response. And both require us to concentrate on what the other person is saying and listening, not loading our next comment. Love that line. Listening, not loading. Riaz has a second habit.

Habit Two Make Small Talk Bigger

7:59

Make your small talk bigger. Reaz mentions a case that most people dread small talk because they've been sold a solid lie. The lie that small talk is meaningless, that it's just a filter. It's awkward things that you have to get through before the real conversation actually begins. He flips that entirely. He says the curiosity, genuine authentic curiosity about that of the person is the mechanism that turns small talk from service to actual substance. And he backs it up with some research. Studies show that people feel closer to conversation partners who express curiosity towards them. They rate those partners as more trustworthy, more likable, and even more attractive. And he defines curiosity in conversation as a choice, a conscious intention to learn more about the other person in front of you. And the way you express that curiosity is through ding ding ding, questions. Not just any questions, better questions. And the book describes two traditional types of curiosity. The first is diversive curiosity. That's a generalized thirst for knowledge that drives us to hunt for new information, maybe think fun facts or interesting facts. The second type of curiosity is epistemic curiosity. It's a more purposeful drive to fully understand a subject, aka artists, explorers, scientists who crave that information. But Mario Olivio, author of the book Why, What Makes Us Curious, identifies a third type of curiosity. He calls it perceptual curiosity. What we feel when we learn something that doesn't seem to fit with what we already know. The goal in being curious is to take small talk from surface to substance. Now, every Conversation Counts book goes much deeper into established relationships and how to become more curious. So it's definitely worth the read for this specific area. Oftentimes we just focus on the first five minutes, but there's obviously so much more to the relationships that we need to focus in on with our questions and our curiosity. He's also a big proponent of asking good questions. Sound familiar? His quote is great questions get great answers. He recommends the following get to the point. Be concise and direct on your questions. Dig deep with follow-up questions. These are almost always in the moment. And then ask for specific stories, not just answers. And he talks about it through trials that they're going through, transitions in their lives or triumphs. So I like that. Trials, transitions, triumphs. And then he recommends being silent. Don't use filler words and don't complicate the question. How often do we do that? How often do I do that? Take that pause and listen and let them respond. So where does this second habit live within the first five minutes? Well, this is the heartbeat of the first five minutes and specifically 2QM, the two question minima. It ensures you stop, you don't stop at the surface. You never stop at the service, and you never accept the first answer and then move off. You ask at least a second question. Because often that first answer is what they give everyone. The second answer is where they really live, what they really think, potentially what they really feel. And it might be simple as a question statement in three words. Tell me more. I love that statement. I love when somebody says that because it gives them a sense or gives me a sense of their curiosity and want to know more about what I have to say. It's inviting, it's not interrogating. And that shows the other person that you're curious and very, very interested. Another first five minutes overlay is our finding five connection points. So when we have the ability to pre-read the room or take the five before the five to find the five, this is where that lies. We find connection points that immediately say, look at you, not look at me, and create a moment of curiosity when you ask those curious questions about something you already know they're interested in, hence the connection points, and willing to move from surface to substance quickly. Did you catch that? Locking into them, being curious with that opening question, it automatically moves you quicker from surface into substance quickly. And this approach is especially valuable if you're concerned about what to say in that crucial, potentially awkward first minute of a business conversation. You know why? Because you come in already prepared with your LTP, your lead talking point. And as Rhea says, make your small talk bigger, more meaningful, and in the vernacular, connecting quickly.

Free Review Guide And Application

12:36

We're halfway through today's book breakdown, and we'll hit the back half after this short break. Do you know what the most successful business professionals, what I call elite business connectors, do that as different from almost everyone else? They don't just listen to new content, which is a good stuff, but they also review it. They process it. They apply it. This is exactly why I created the Elite Business Connected Podcast Two programs. It's a quick guide that puts all the main points, the keyboards, and action items all in one PDF to help you quickly and effectively take the new content to do what the elite do, which is to review process. This is especially valuable for these book breakers, especially when you can see the main points and highlights from the offer. And then specifically the overlay of the book's content to our first five. I highly suggest you can get this T2 resource absolutely free by clicking the link in the show notes. Do one action. Be that professional who takes this one simple yet critical next step. Become an elite business connector right now. Okay, three more habits, and then we'll put the whole picture together. Break's over. Let's get back to it.

Habit Three Drop The Perfect Persona

13:59

Habit number three. Put aside your perfect persona. This one hits a little different. Riaz is talking about the mask, the performance, the version of yourself that you bring into a professional setting, the one that's polished and confident and has all the answers and never lets anyone see a sweat. He says, that mask is costing you connection. And he backs it up with something counterintuitive. Research shows that people actually like individuals who display vulnerability better than those who don't. The mask doesn't make you more trustworthy, it makes you less trustworthy. Because people, especially nowadays, can sense performance. They can sense when someone is giving them the highlight real instead of the real thing. And when they sense that, unbeknownst to us often, they pull back. He talks about the fear that drives the mask. He says the number one thing that stops people from showing up authentically is the fear of losing their sense of belonging. I find that to be so true. In a high-stakes sales environment, vulnerability can feel like risk. But his reframe, vulnerability done right doesn't look like weakness. It looks like courage. That's something to think about. And it makes a critical distinction. Be genuine, not contrived. People can smell that manufactured vulnerability a mile away. The goal isn't to perform vulnerability. The goal is actually to bring yourself into the room and be present. This is now a mindset that we must come into every single business conversation. It's more about the other person and connecting, not impressing. And this is a big challenge and will take time because we're hardwired. Why? Well, to come across with this perfect persona and feel put together, especially in a business context. I find this to be true in myself. Oftentimes I feel insecure. I want the respect, not the rejection. And what better than to prove to them that I'm worthy of that? But that's not vulnerability. And that's putting up the mask and not being vulnerable. So where does this live in the first five minutes? Well, this is never more true than our desire to make a good first impression. We're subconsciously asking, well, how do I look? How do I sound? How am I coming across? How can I sound like a subject matter expert? That's look at me, sideways energy. And prospects, customers, feel it. Learning how to put aside that perfect persona, or so we think we have, is challenging because it's the way we've always done it. It was my MO for decades. And it wasn't until I realized it just really wasn't working for me. Or there was a better way. I was in competition, not alignment, with the very person I'm trying to make a good first impression. Imagine that. But this is where the professional brings their human sense into the room before their business self arrives, before the pitch, before the discovery, before the presentation. Be mindful of it.

Habit Four Assertive Empathy In Tension

17:12

Habit number four be assertively empathetic. These two words seem like competitors, but Riaz describes assertive empathy as the willingness to step toward someone's discomfort rather than away from it. To stay in the room when things get hard, to acknowledge pain, acknowledge the conflict, the uncomfortableness, acknowledge real emotions, not try to resolve them for someone, but to try and honor them. That's hard. And then from that place of genuine acknowledgement, to still hold people to what's possible. He says, lean in, acknowledge, find what you can agree on, and then keep moving toward the outcome, the solution, the next step. Preserve the relationship. Don't sacrifice truth for comfort. He also talks about the discipline of asking neutral questions when someone is in an emotional moment. Instead of reacting, instead of jumping to a solution, ask what makes this so important to them. What a powerful question. He says, let them articulate it, let them find the words, because more often than not, when people are heard fully, they start to find their own answers. Well, this habit is a definite growth area for yours truly. And it's a book like this, it's a great reminder for me as well. So where does this live in the first five minutes? Well, this isn't the last minute, the think problem phase. The moment when the listening is done for the most part, the rapport is real, and now you're moving towards application. And that last minute is where the elite connector earns the conversation. Not having to pitch ready, not having heard something that they need to respond to immediately. But it's also where the two question minimum lives here as well. That second question reveals a little bit more, and possibly where assertive empathy lives. The first question gets you the information. The second question shows you actually care about what to do with it. Now, I've been in sales meetings that get awkward and even heated. Sometimes it's because I failed to understand their side and read into it way too soon. Guess what that is? That's my pride and my arrogance. That I know the customer's problem better than they do. And even if I do, I can't let it come across to them. I need to listen and be humble and receive it. But other times, I just stepped on a mine and had to navigate this now-escalated moment. Maybe I created it, maybe it was just a trigger for the other person, maybe it's a coworker of mine or something else. This is OQ and EQ at its highest. It's being so present in that moment that you're able to navigate with what Riaz calls assertive empathy on how to best handle that specific situation. It's a skill that elite business connectors develop and master over time. Last habit, habit

Habit Five Make People Feel Famous

20:05

number five. I love this one. It's called Make People Feel Famous. Riaz shares this perfect quote. If you make an effort to lift people up, you'll connect with them on a very genuine human level, and they'll remember it and you for a long time. He said he learned this habit by watching wheelchair athlete and motivational speaker Rick Hansen. He watched how Hansen moves through a room, how every person he encounters walks away feeling like the most important person in the world for that moment. Not because Hansen is performing, because Hansen is genuinely fully present with every single person. That presence, that complete, undistracted, fully attended presence is what Riaz calls making people feel famous. This is also the story of my father when he was alive. The great and honorable Frank Buckley was always on a stage speaking, always on the road, and always seemingly bigger than life. But what I remember the most as a kid was how he was off the stage. It didn't matter if you were eight or eighty, you had my father's full attention, and he was locked in on only you. He taught me as a kid, look at you, not look at me, and where I picked up that phrase. What a gift my dad gave people, and what an example he set for me. Back to Riaz. He actually lets habit down into practical suggestions. Before you see someone again, review your notes from the last time. Remember what they said. Bring it back, not as a technique, but he calls it as respect, as proof that the last conversation actually mattered to you. He says give people access to you. Share something real that you don't share with everybody else. Pay specific attention to compliments. Not general ones. Celebrate milestones. Remember their names. We talk a lot about this. When someone tells you their name, look at their face. Make a connection. Use the name. Because the names of a person is their favorite word. And when you use it and use it correctly, you're saying, I see you and you matter to me, according to Riaz. So where does this live in the first five minutes? Answer everywhere. All five minutes. All of it. Making people feel famous is not a single phase of the first five minutes. It's the output of the entire framework. It's LTP, it's 2QM, it's OQ, locked-in listening, three-peat rule. Every single one exists to produce this outcome. The person across from you walks away feeling seen, heard, and valued. And it starts sometimes before the conversation, the pregame, as we call it, the five before the five. It's how you show up prepared enough to make someone feel famous. You don't make them feel famous by winging it. You can make them feel famous by doing your homework before they ever walk in the room. But it's also being so present in the moment that you can focus in on the other person. Three words that I've adopted by someone who modeled it for me are good for you. My friend Angie would say those three, power, make people famous words. And between us girls, I absolutely loved it. I loved how it felt. Then I realized, why don't I create the same moment, that same feeling for someone else? Three words. That's it. Good for you to implement this habit. Now, what if your main goal in your next first five minutes of a business conversation was to embody this last every conversation counts habit and make people feel famous? How would that change your interaction and ultimately your connection with them? Sit with this one. Try this one and see how much quicker your connection becomes with the other person.

One Change For Your Next Conversation

24:04

So let's turn the corner here towards the end as we wind down with two fronts of honesty. Front one is the encouragement. If you've been doing the work, if you've been pregaming your conversations, leading with the personal minute, asking the second question, listening with your whole body and not with just your ears, making notes about the people you meet with and actually reviewing them. I want you to hear this. This author, with 17 years of television experience and thousands of interviews behind him, spent the time to do the research and document what great human connectors do. And what he found aligns chapter by chapter, habit by habit, with the five minutes framework. And that should encourage you, that should motivate you. You're not doing something soft, you're doing something, well, it's not even warm and fuzzy and optional. You're doing something that the research validates, that the data backs up, and that the best communicators in the world practice, even if they don't have a name for it. You do. It's the first five minutes. Front number two, the challenge. So here's the uncomfortable thing. Knowing this and doing this are two entirely different conversations. Riaz wrote the book. You've listened to this podcast. But if you walk out listening to this episode without changing the single thing or anything about how you show up in the first five minutes that neither one of us did our jobs. So pick one thing, just one. Lead by listening. Make your small talk bigger. Put the mask down for 30 seconds and bring your real self into the conversation. Ask the second question. Review your notes before you walk in. One thing, starting with your next conversation. Because here's what Riaz's title tells us and what this entire framework is built on. Every conversation counts. Here's a review of all five of the habits, quickly. Habit one, listen without distraction. First five minutes, locked in listening in the LTP, lead talking point. Habit two, make your small talk bigger. First five minutes, OQ, observational intelligence, and two QM, two question minimum. Habit three, put aside your perfect persona. First five minutes, lead with authenticity to connect. Habit four, be assertively empathetic. First five minutes, the last minute, two QM and the three-peat rule. And lastly, habit five, make people feel famous. This is the output of the entire framework, starting in the pregame. Five habits, one framework, and now zero excuses. So let's close with three action items. Action one, before your next business conversation, set your look at you, intention, before you walk into the room. Make it greater, as Rhea says, then look at me. Action item two, start asking curious and continual questions. Make that to be your new MO. Action three, look for ways to highlight the other person and make them feel famous. Maybe it's just starting with that sincere and celebratory line: good for you.

Subscribe Review And Bring Me To Speak

27:11

But this episode is officially in the books. In and out, nobody got hurt. Don't forget, as a reminder, to follow and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode. I'm on the road a lot, so I make sure to download them so I've got them handy and I can access them quickly. Also, too, if you've missed any of past episodes, go back and check them out. If you're watching on YouTube, don't forget to subscribe and leave a comment. Let me know what resonates with you. And all of today's main points and links are in the show notes. And don't forget to subscribe and get your free copy of that resource that lists the five habits and key quotes from the book Every Conversation Counts, along with the first five minutes parallels. And as I close, can I ask you for a favor? It's going to literally take you just one moment. Would you consider leaving a review? How are you listening to the podcast episode? It helps others find the podcast, and it would mean a ton for me. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or other. And lastly, if you want to bring this content to your team, your conference, your next company event, reach out. I would absolutely love to have that specific conversation. You can find my contact information in the show notes at Brian at BrianBuckleySpeaks.com. As you remember, it's Brian with Y. And as I always close, as my Chicago Bears chant, good, better, best, never let it rest till your good gets better and your better gets best. Until next time, keep improving your communication, conversation, and connection skills every day. And as my dad always said, thanks for coming. Most of all, thanks for leaving. I'm out. You got this now. Now is your time to do something with this episode. And always remember to leverage your first five minutes to build connection, trust, and influence. You got this now.