Elite Business Connector Podcast

Interview Mashup Session One - 034

• Bryan Buckley

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 23:14

In this special mashup episode, Bryan curates the best moments from five recent expert guests into one high-impact conversation on business communication and connection. You will hear twice from each guest, covering everything from name memory and pre-meeting prep to authentic curiosity and trust-building in the first five minutes. Perfect for newcomers and returning listeners alike.

Topics Covered

  •  The Time Check and why assuming someone has time to talk damages your reputation
  •  How sales leaders use memory and personal details to build team community
  •  The Five Before Five pre-meeting prep strategy
  •  A simple name memory technique that works in under 20 seconds
  •  Reading the room and leading with authentic curiosity
  •  Nonverbal and verbal trust-building cues in the first five minutes
  •  Why speaking fear is a self-focus problem and how to fix it 

Timestamps

0:00 - Introduction and Episode Format
2:10 - Chris Fenning [The Time Check and Why "Do You Have a Minute?" Hurts You]
5:56 -  Dr. Garland and Dorothy Vance [Memory, Community, and Building Team Trust]
9:58 - Ashley Siller [The Five Before Five and Name Memory Techniques]
15:02 - Keith Lewis [Reading the Room and Authentic Curiosity]
18:35 - Dr. Brenda Buckley Hughes [Trust, Nonverbals, and Overcoming Speaking Fear]
22:21 - Closing Thoughts


Featured Guests

Download the free cheat sheet: here.

Resources to Use:

The System Elite Connectors Use to Remember Names

If you’re serious about improving your business communication skills, I created a step-by-step system you can download right now — absolutely free.

👉 Grab it here: 


30 Connection Questions for Stronger Business Conversations

This is a proven question set to improve every conversation in the 1st 5 minutes.

👉 Grab it here: 


Buy the 1st 5 Minutes Book:


Follow Me on Social Media:

On The Road Mashup Setup

SPEAKER_05

This is a special episode for a couple of reasons. First is I'm on the road and not in my normal studio. I'm in Orlando for the week for my high school daughter's last national Travis volleyball tournament. And I have the entire Buck fam with me, so it's never a dull moment. For those of you that watch me on video, well, thank you, Captain Obvious, that I'm not in my normal studio. And second, though, is this episode will be the first of its kind if you've been listening to this show for any length of time. And if you're newer to this podcast, then this episode is going to be specifically good for you. Every week I interview subject matter experts, and this episode is an interview mashup episode where we curated key segments from each of the last five guests to make this episode. So let's get to it. Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast, where we believe how you interact with people will make or break your opportunity to develop a real and influential connection. Now, whether you're a rookie or a rock star with people, you're at the right place right now. Let's do it. And on a mission to help you develop, deepen, and master your business communication skills. And my promise to you, every single week, is if you listen and subscribe, I'm going to bring my best content and energy to help you get better at communicating and connecting in a business environment. So if you're in your sales, or if you're in leadership, customer service or hospitality, or if you're really in any business where relationships matter, and let's be honest, what business is in, then you're in the right place. You'll be hearing today twice from each of the last five interviews. So if you missed any of them, hopefully it'll give you a taste of the valuable content you'll get when, not if you go back and listen to their specific episode. And if you call up their interviews, this will be a good reminder of the content. You ready? It's go time.

Time Check Before You Talk

SPEAKER_05

So I love you've got two little spots that you kind of break in that are critical pieces within the framework. You got the main pieces, but then you've got these little slices in that if they're missed, can really, really derail um this specific first-minute conversation. What are those two and why are they important?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, the two things are a time check and a validation checkpoint, which uh don't sound particularly exciting, but they can save your reputation at work. So the time check is uh making sure the other person has time to talk and the right amount of time at that moment. If I'd if I bumped into you, was one around seeing you and thought, oh, I really want to talk to you about something, Brian. Uh if I jump into my topic, even if I frame it, even if I summarize it, if I jump in, I'm just assuming you have time to talk to me right now. You could be on your way to the rest of it. Because you got the time, doesn't mean I have the time. Yeah, exactly. You might be on your way to the restaurant. There could be urgent things you need to do. You gotta pick up the kids. Whatever. I I shouldn't assume that you have the time to talk right now. So after the framing and if your summary is short and you can do the whole thing in less than 30 seconds, uh you do the framing, so you say, Here's what I want to talk about, here's why it's important to you, here's the headline. Then you ask a question and say, Hey, do you have time to talk about this now? I think it'll take about about seven or eight minutes.

SPEAKER_05

Okay, right there. We gotta stop right there. That is critical. Because in your book, you talk about, hey, do you have a minute? But it's not really a minute. It maybe it's the minute of the interruption for the moment. It is never a minute. And it ends up being five or ten minutes, because most people are gonna say yes to I've got a minute within that. So that is I absolutely love that, Chris. And nobody does that. No, because all of a sudden it is, oh, you're catching them from point A to point B, and obviously they're heading somewhere on this, and it could really mess up what you're intended to do on there. So if somebody says, obviously, if they say yes, you continue, well, how do you handle it if they say I don't or or anything like that?

SPEAKER_04

Oh yeah. If not, it's okay, can I can I send you a message about this? Can we schedule time in the future? Just uh at the very least, go, oh fine, I'll follow up later. Because if the person's in a if someone's rushing to a meeting, don't make them more late. Yeah, exactly. You can take the action to follow up later, or if you think there's enough time to say, hey, can I talk to you uh later on, just give them an an exit. And I love that you brought up the do you have a minute? It's it's one of my real bugbears. It's the thing that frustrates me so much. If people say, Can I have a minute? Most people can't get their point across in a minute, let alone have the conversation.

SPEAKER_05

Even if you're Well, you prove that by writing a book on the subject of the first minute. So obviously you can't solve the problem in a minute because you've got things to do in the first minute with your framework.

SPEAKER_04

Exactly. Yeah. So so don't ask for a minute. Ask for the amount of time that you need. If say, hey, do you have five minutes? It maybe it'll take ten. And here's why that is so important. Well I like that. If you if you don't do this, you're breaking your own self-imposed deadline and you're showing to the other person you don't care about their time, you don't understand how much time it takes to do things, you're not very organized. And while they might not immediately sort of think this strongly, it's a tiny micro interaction that repeated over time affects your reputation. If you always came to me, Brian, and said, Hey Chris, do you have a minute? And I know it's going to take 10, I'm going to inwardly sigh every time I see you coming towards me. And I'm going to think, Do I have time for Brian?

Leaders Build Community Through Memory

SPEAKER_05

What is the one thing a sales leader in this, we're talking about a little bit more on the sales side here, can do in the very first minutes of any team interaction? Meet with other people, whether it's a meeting, maybe it's a coaching conversation, maybe it's just catching them in the hallway that either builds community. That's the key word right here. We're talking about community that builds community or maybe kind of quietly disrupts and disturbs and destroys it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. We would say just uh one of the first things you can develop as a leader is to remember the important things about people, like their name.

SPEAKER_05

Mine are important too.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. And and you would be amazed at how many people will push back on that. Well, I have however many employees. How am I supposed to remember everyone's name? Well, guess what? You don't have to rely on your brain. You can create some sort of system. There are so many digital ways that we can remember things these days that it has become so much easier to remember things like people's names. Other things. Can I interrupt you real quick on that? Dorothy, real quicker. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Nobody listens to podcasts, gets a pass on that one. Because we talk about nailing the name all the time in a number of creative ways to remember the name in there. So you're right on that one. But if they're thinking they're gonna get a pass on this one, listening to this podcast ain't happening. So we'll move to the next one. And maybe they're hoping they'll get a pass on it. So sorry to interrupt.

SPEAKER_01

Sure. No, glad you're you have our back on that one.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, you do.

SPEAKER_01

Other important thing, who the who people's important people's important people are. You know, as a mother, it thrills me to death when somebody says something beyond how's your oldest doing, but when they call them by name and remember, you know, what what my oldest name is and what what grade they're in, or you know, little things about them, important dates, events, experiences, just these little nuggets that again can all be captured in a system. But it's it's amazing when you have leaders who that's not important to them, but to care about people with that particular habit, how it erodes trust. Just just taking that relational aspect off the table, how quickly trust disappears.

SPEAKER_03

Anything to add to that, Garland? I think she did quite quite a great job on that. It's like she wrote a book on it or something.

unknown

I know. Right.

SPEAKER_05

And we got one to prove it. No, but I think the point is on community, is how am I creating community with that person and what matters to them? I mean, it starts with a name, but also to, you know, the the important people to you. I love that aspect of that. And that really, really creates that community and that trust.

SPEAKER_01

And that's just basic. That's just step number one right there.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Right. What would you say step number two would be for those for those who's just going to take it to another level?

SPEAKER_03

I would say they have to help the other people on their team do the same thing with each other.

SPEAKER_01

A lot of leaders don't realize that when it comes to building trust on a team, yes, you're responsible for the trust that you have with each individual person, but if you're the leader of that team, then you also are responsible for the trust that's taking place between each partnership or, you know, each relationship on your team. There are things that you can do to influence that trust and influence those relationships.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. And we we've seen this with clients that we worked with before, where, you know, one department didn't trust another department, or one plant didn't trust another plant, or one group didn't trust another group. And all it took was them, I wouldn't say all it took, most of what it took was them connecting to each other, getting to know each other as human beings. Right. Realizing, oh, you have good intentions, I have good intentions. You have big dreams, I have big dreams. You have problems you're dealing with that are preventing, you know, us from getting where we're trying to get. I have problems that I'm dealing with. And once they're able to do that, then silos begin to break down because we're dealing with people and we trust them and we can collaborate.

SPEAKER_01

Not just tools.

SPEAKER_03

Excellent.

SPEAKER_05

So

Prepare Five Minutes Before Meetings

SPEAKER_05

let's pivot to the concept of five minutes about taking the five before the five to find the five. Because it's very easy when we're going into a meeting to just kind of make it all about us, kind of go on prompt two of that. Talk a little bit about just kind of your research, even at your position of walking into a meeting and maybe finding some connection points that you can instantly make that connection with another person.

SPEAKER_02

Totally. At my level, preparations actually leverage. So when I think about the five before or five of five, you actually skip a lot of the surface stuff because you can get into all of the stuff that you actually need to know, all of the impactful things. So, like with clients, it might mean resolving a or understanding their problem sooner. Or, you know, it also signals a sign of respect because it shows that you took the time to prepare for them, and people will show up differently if they know that you took the time to get to know them before you get to know them.

SPEAKER_05

Well, that's excellent. Well, especially too, because maybe there's an assumption that you just don't do that.

SPEAKER_02

And you know, I don't I don't want to interrupt you, but there's a lot of leaders that don't. There's a lot of leaders that are like they act like your their presence is a gift, versus if you come up with a little bit of humility, people are like, uh oh, you put your pants on the same way that I do. And I'll tell you what, you get a hell of a lot more authentic respect when you act like that.

SPEAKER_05

I love that. I love that. Which leads into asking questions. But before we do that, let's let's dive into something you do very well, okay?

Remember Names With Simple Steps

SPEAKER_05

And we're gonna talk about names. So when early on when you started getting into my material on that, it was one of the first things you kind of geeked out. So before I get into any questions, I'm gonna let you go, gonna go free free reign here on that one, and then we'll we'll we'll get into some specifics about how to do names.

SPEAKER_02

I know every time I see you, I'm always telling you about a name story. So for those listening, I'll tell you what I mean by that. So I'm terrible with names. And I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm on the Georgia Board PGA, and I'm constantly at events, I'm constantly meeting new sellers, I'm constantly connecting quickly with a lot of people. And I found myself, I mentioned this earlier, I could not remember their names. So I would get to the point where I just had it in my head of saying, Hey, it's nice to see you again, because I couldn't remember their name. So now it's like such an easy concept, but it's so big. Now I will always say, Hey, what's your name? And then, hey, how do you spell that? Right? And then repeat it back, and then any opportunity that I have to say their name, like following a sentence, I will say it. So real quick. Oh, hey, Brian, how do you spell that? Is that Brian with a Y or an eye?

SPEAKER_05

Very good.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so B R Y and Huh, okay. Brian, it's awesome to meet you. Hey Brian, tell me a little about yourself, right? So do you see it was like I asked the spelling, so it reinforced it in my head. Then I recognized your face, and then I said it again all in 20 seconds. I love the concept. I'm gonna tell you one more story. This is literally last night. I'm at dinner and I asked the waiter. Actually, no, it was with you when we were last week in the middle. What's your name? And he said, Dennis, and I said, Oh. How do you spell that? Thinking like, oh, it's D N N I S. But that's how everybody said, Oh, it's it's with one in. I said, Well, I'm glad I asked. Thanks, Dennis. And now here I am telling the story, and that was a week ago. And the best part is-I love it.

SPEAKER_05

But the best part about it too, it was in the moment, it was natural for you, and all of a sudden it said him just giving you a drink or the order on that, he became human to you.

SPEAKER_02

He did.

SPEAKER_05

And I loved that. And I loved because, especially being in my role, I obviously geek out on this topic. I'm watching you, Ashley, but I'm also watching Dennis within one in. And how he smiled and how much he appreciated the fact that somebody, little even realizing, you know, your role in the whole spiel, but that somebody cared enough to ask as far as his name. And I loved him coming back around. You got better service because you treated him as a human within that, and then you referenced his name later on. So I'm witnessing firsthand, and I absolutely love that aspect of you. So, how

Quick Challenge To Get The Book

SPEAKER_05

was it? You enjoying the interview mashups of the new? Well, you may be listening to this podcast and never read or listened to the first five minutes book. Well, I encourage you, I challenge you, I even double dog dare you to get it. The book is written for business professionals who want to get better in their crowd, but it's around 100 pages, and it's available in print, digital, or even audible food. So basically, professionals specifically choose the audio option because of how much time they spend driving the those two touchdowns. So if that's you, turn your car into a plastic to work on. So take my chat. I double dog gear you again to pick up the best version for you. Are you a print person? Are you a digital person, or you're an audible person? Pick up that copy that's best for you. Now, let's get back to the second half of the interview matchup.

Find Connection Points In Any Room

SPEAKER_05

So we talk about often two different ways. One is most of the time we know who we're going into see. So we call that pre-read the room. So how do I take five minutes before the first five minutes to find five connection points, not data points, connection points.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

And then I can lead going into the room into that. And that's the best case scenario, because then I could acknowledge with that connection point and then I could ask. So I'm engaging them in that first minute to think personal. But to your point, other point, it may be where I'm just reading the room and I have to go in cold. And really, it may be external. So what are the things that I'm seeing that's there? Maybe it is the fact that they were a Northwestern grad or the Ohio State University, or a picture of their family, something that's personal to them, and then using that as a lead talking point to acknowledge and then ask. Or's your experience at the Ohio State University, or tell them about your family. How long you've been married? How old are your kids? Yeah. And just something to make that connection that's there. But then sometimes it's the internal, which you just referenced, which is once they ask or they're answering that question, how do they respond? Am I picking up on their body language? Do they want to tell more? Are they being guarded? Could I ask a second question that can maybe unlock a little bit more of their content and where you know where they are personally that?

SPEAKER_06

So good question. Turn it on me. Yeah, I'm thinking the exact same thing, right? If we can get some pre-work done, I mean, there's so much information out there. We can go to LinkedIn or wherever and find a little bit of information about the person we're meeting with, look for those talking points, those places that we can connect on a human level. And then if we can't do that, as you said, in the room looking for those things. And the two words that I would kind of put with what you're saying to deepen it a bit is curiosity, right? Let's just be curious about who is this person. This is another human being walking around the planet just like us, trying to accomplish whatever it is that they're trying to do. Get curious about what excites them or what lights them up or what they are passionate about. You know, if they have a football on the shelf, asking them about that sign football, if they have a picture of their family, asking about what their family vacation is or what they're doing over Memorial Day weekend, those types of things are amazing. And then the second piece, though, that I think can be really the difference between what I would call a good salesperson and a great one, is if I could define that curiosity by authentic curiosity. Like I really care about you. I really want to know. I'm really interested in who you are, right? There's the whole, you know, showroom salesperson at the dealership that's looking at my shoes, you know, to know if I'm really going to be able to afford that vehicle or not. You know, there's that kind of pre-work. And there's no authenticity behind that. But the person who might pay attention to the fact that I've got a logo on my shirt and ask me about my company name or if I'm wearing a baseball cap, you know, hey, looks like you're an Astros fan, you know, tell me about the oh, and the Astros and Cubs are playing, Brian, right now. We're gonna have to talk about that. I don't even know what the score is, but we're gonna check before the end of this podcast. I'll tell you that. Come on now. Come on now. Well, the Cubs are probably winning, so but anyway, right? It's those kinds of fun connections that you can make and being authentic and real. I mean, people see through inauthenticity a mile away. They can smell that out, and it does not serve you at all. So if you don't, if you can't be authentically curious, you may be in the wrong job.

Trust Starts With Listening Signals

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Well said, or a short-lived job. What's so important about building that trust at that in those first, maybe even just the first minute or two?

SPEAKER_00

Well, it's critical for one thing, because it's not going to go much farther if you don't build that trust, if you don't build start to build the relationship. And that's what it's about. It's a relationship, and it comes from the nonverbals responding, letting them know you're there, you are listening. Yeah, it could come from a verbal. Is that right? I didn't know that. I didn't realize that. Those are the types of phrases that encourage them to continue with what they're saying. But in you've only got those first five minutes, and then the time's up. And if you don't begin to make that connection, another metaphor would be open that door between the two of you, you know, the door is shut and it's not going to reopen. If it's not open in the beginning, it will take the entire presentation to try to squeeze it open. And by then they get so much information that that was needed. So first five minutes are absolutely crucial. And they should be a time of enjoying getting to know the other person and having them get to know you, both how credible you are, how personable you are, and really focused on the need of the person to whom you're speaking.

SPEAKER_05

For those listening along in a car right now, she just nailed the first five minutes. First minute think personal, middle three minutes think professional, last minute think problem, which is great. You've trained obviously students at every level from undergrad to graduate to doctoral.

Beat Speaking Fear By Serving Others

SPEAKER_05

What are some of the communication habits that even educated professionals? Obviously, we're talking about the context of of of the business environment. What do they still get wrong? Like what are the basics that all of a sudden they're still just struggling with but yet are just so critical?

SPEAKER_00

Right now I'm teaching 18-year-olds, by and large, at a local community college here in Nashville. And I'm finding for some of them they aren't aware enough to be afraid yet. But when I teach a doctoral level, there's a lot of fear because at that point they feel like they have become the professional, and if they mess up, people are going to think they don't know what they're talking about. I'm also working with nurses at a nursing school in sh the Chicago area taking speech classes, and they're concerned because they're good one-on-one, but they have no comprehension of being in front of an audience. And to them it's a totally foreign concept. So the idea of realizing people are people. And it goes back to what do they need and how can I help them? How can I meet that need? And if we don't change perspective for the speaker and get it off of self, then there will be ongoing fear. That's just that's the reality of it. Now, for the younger students coming in, many of them have never had a speech class. Now think about that for a moment. They've taken reading classes all their lives, they've taken English classes, but here they are in what their thirteenth year of school, and they've never had a speech class. Well, we need to speak all the time. You'll know how to talk, but not necessarily. And so it it's important for them to realize this is once again a skill. A skill we're going to learn and we're going to practice. And by the time you leave here, you will be improved. I don't want to make them into somebody that they're not. I don't want them to become Barack Obama, who was an excellent communicator, but that's not who they are. I don't want to make them into Condoleezza Rice. Fabulous speaker, but that's not who they are. I want to help them become the best of who they are. And if they can get that focus of, okay, here's who I am. How do I improve who I am? That's that's something of real value.

Final Takeaways And Next Steps

SPEAKER_05

Well, I hope this episode was good for you with the variety and encourage you to go back and listen to each of their interviews in full. And as my Chicago Bears chant good, better, best, never let it rest till your good gets better and your better gets best. Until next time, keep improving your communication, connection, and conversation skills every single day. As my dad always used to say, thanks for coming. But most of all, thanks for leaving. I'm out. Now is your time to do something with this episode. And always remember to leverage your first five minutes to build connection, trust, and influence. You got this now.

Head Shot

Bryan Buckley

Host